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1
00:00:37,486 --> 00:00:38,787
Yeah.
2
00:00:41,691 --> 00:00:44,076
Welcome to the Final Four.
3
00:00:45,411 --> 00:00:47,062
Ah. Final Four.
Just in time.
4
00:00:48,448 --> 00:00:50,365
Hi, hon.
5
00:00:50,366 --> 00:00:52,717
Hey. I thought you guys were
gonna be out all day
6
00:00:52,718 --> 00:00:54,503
celebrating his birthday.
7
00:00:54,504 --> 00:00:55,620
Change of plans.
8
00:00:55,621 --> 00:00:57,489
I heard you were home
watching basketball,
9
00:00:57,490 --> 00:01:00,191
so I told her Six Flags
could wait for another day.
10
00:01:05,514 --> 00:01:07,982
Excuse me,
I gotta get something.
11
00:01:09,635 --> 00:01:12,437
Did you tell him
I was home watching the games?
12
00:01:12,438 --> 00:01:14,639
He asked where you were.
What was I to say?
13
00:01:14,640 --> 00:01:16,391
I told you what to say.
14
00:01:16,392 --> 00:01:19,227
Oh, yeah, you were reading
to blind children. I forgot.
15
00:01:19,228 --> 00:01:21,879
You forgot. Now I'm stuck
with the Aqua Velva man.
16
00:01:21,880 --> 00:01:24,649
Doug, just let him watch
with you, please?
17
00:01:24,650 --> 00:01:26,118
Think of it
as your birthday gift.
18
00:01:26,119 --> 00:01:28,886
My birthday gift is that he's
not living in the V.A. hospital.
19
00:01:30,756 --> 00:01:32,223
Look, Carrie.
Look, I'm serious.
20
00:01:32,224 --> 00:01:33,825
I wanted to watch
the games by myself.
21
00:01:33,826 --> 00:01:36,060
It's important. My whole
office pool rides on this.
22
00:01:36,061 --> 00:01:39,431
What office pool?
23
00:01:39,432 --> 00:01:41,466
Do you listen
to anything I say?
24
00:01:41,467 --> 00:01:43,251
I'm selective,
I'll admit.
25
00:01:43,252 --> 00:01:45,337
The March Madness pool, okay?
26
00:01:45,338 --> 00:01:47,589
If both my teams win,
I get two tickets to St. Louis
27
00:01:47,590 --> 00:01:49,674
for the championship game,
all expenses paid.
28
00:01:49,675 --> 00:01:51,142
Douglas! Hurry!
29
00:01:51,143 --> 00:01:53,929
You're missing the Maalox
Pregame Roundup.
30
00:01:55,314 --> 00:01:58,066
Just let him watch with you.
For me.
31
00:01:58,067 --> 00:01:59,784
Okay, fine.
Thank you.
32
00:01:59,785 --> 00:02:01,486
Now I just gotta run
some more errands,
33
00:02:01,487 --> 00:02:03,955
but I just want you to know
that I really appreciate this.
34
00:02:03,956 --> 00:02:05,189
This is very sweet of you.
35
00:02:05,190 --> 00:02:07,626
Well, I hate your guts.
36
00:02:09,028 --> 00:02:11,496
They're doing a feature
on one of the players.
37
00:02:11,497 --> 00:02:14,950
Leshandon Hawkins,
raised by his grandmother.
38
00:02:14,951 --> 00:02:16,617
Did you ever?
39
00:02:16,618 --> 00:02:18,453
Never.
40
00:02:20,356 --> 00:02:23,024
The most compelling story
of this tournament.
41
00:02:29,798 --> 00:02:31,532
This is some fun, huh?
44
00:02:35,938 --> 00:02:37,305
Did I ever tell you
I used to play
45
00:02:37,306 --> 00:02:38,706
for the Oneonta Red Dragons?
46
00:02:38,707 --> 00:02:40,341
Last night and this morning.
47
00:02:40,342 --> 00:02:43,077
The other players nicknamed me
"Crazy Legs Spooner. "
48
00:02:43,078 --> 00:02:46,848
Prior to that I was known simply
as "Legs Spooner. "
49
00:02:49,101 --> 00:02:51,235
Oh, I will get it.
50
00:02:52,805 --> 00:02:54,706
Hello?
51
00:02:54,707 --> 00:02:57,375
What? I can't-
52
00:02:57,376 --> 00:03:00,344
I just sat down, I'm watching
the games with my father-in-law.
53
00:03:01,781 --> 00:03:03,381
All right, all right.
54
00:03:03,382 --> 00:03:06,150
I'll be right there.
Jeez, bad news, Arthur.
55
00:03:06,151 --> 00:03:07,819
One of our other drivers
got real sick.
56
00:03:07,820 --> 00:03:10,222
I gotta go and fill-in for him.
57
00:03:10,223 --> 00:03:11,423
Oh, my God. Which one?
58
00:03:11,424 --> 00:03:14,625
Oh, uh, it's Tom
Mc... Jagger.
59
00:03:42,755 --> 00:03:45,206
Here we go
with the opening tip.
60
00:03:47,543 --> 00:03:51,145
And we're down to two minutes
left in this thrilling matchup.
61
00:03:51,146 --> 00:03:53,298
Hey, Dad.
62
00:03:53,299 --> 00:03:54,799
Where's Doug?
63
00:03:54,800 --> 00:03:56,784
Oh, he left.
64
00:03:56,785 --> 00:03:59,971
He had to fill-in
for McJagger.
65
00:04:05,728 --> 00:04:09,481
Simpson, in-bound pass,
looking for someone open.
66
00:04:11,150 --> 00:04:13,368
What are you doing?
What?
67
00:04:13,369 --> 00:04:16,071
You're supposed to be watching
the game with my father.
68
00:04:16,072 --> 00:04:17,155
I tried. It was too painful.
69
00:04:17,156 --> 00:04:19,257
So I just called myself
with my cell phone
70
00:04:19,258 --> 00:04:21,376
and, uh, pretended
it was work.
71
00:04:21,377 --> 00:04:22,727
The fake phone call thing
again?
72
00:04:22,728 --> 00:04:25,130
You know, he's gonna
figure that out eventually.
73
00:04:25,131 --> 00:04:27,799
When he figures out Velcro,
I'll start worrying.
74
00:04:27,800 --> 00:04:30,635
Come inside
so we can do his cake.
75
00:04:30,636 --> 00:04:32,337
No, Carrie, I got a shot
at winning this.
76
00:04:32,338 --> 00:04:33,738
Inside now.
Ugh.
77
00:04:33,739 --> 00:04:35,873
Okay.
78
00:04:39,978 --> 00:04:42,113
Wilkins sets,
79
00:04:42,114 --> 00:04:45,016
and the final free-throw
is good.
80
00:04:45,017 --> 00:04:47,752
And that ties the score at 61.
81
00:04:47,753 --> 00:04:50,488
We'll be back
with the final 55 seconds
82
00:04:50,489 --> 00:04:51,956
after these words.
83
00:04:57,763 --> 00:05:00,164
Okay, I'm home from work!
Let's go. Let's go. Let's go.
84
00:05:00,165 --> 00:05:03,702
Okay. Dad,
could you come in here a sec?
85
00:05:05,371 --> 00:05:08,039
A cake?
I need my Lactaid pills.
86
00:05:08,040 --> 00:05:08,973
Oh, I got 'em.
I got 'em.
87
00:05:08,974 --> 00:05:10,074
Okay.
88
00:05:11,344 --> 00:05:13,178
No, no, no.
These are regular strength.
89
00:05:13,179 --> 00:05:14,929
I need ultra.
Okay.
90
00:05:14,930 --> 00:05:16,147
Just eat around the ice cream.
91
00:05:28,677 --> 00:05:29,777
Hello? What? You're kid-
92
00:05:29,778 --> 00:05:31,079
Okay, I'll be right there.
93
00:05:31,080 --> 00:05:33,047
Work again.
Unbelievable.
94
00:05:35,183 --> 00:05:37,768
I hate the way those bastards
take advantage
95
00:05:37,769 --> 00:05:38,936
of his good nature.
96
00:05:38,937 --> 00:05:41,373
Problem is,
he's just too nice.
97
00:05:41,374 --> 00:05:43,057
Yes, that's his curse.
98
00:05:43,058 --> 00:05:44,559
Anyway, why don't you
just go ahead
99
00:05:44,560 --> 00:05:47,996
and, uh, blow out the candles
and make a wish?
100
00:05:47,997 --> 00:05:49,046
Ah.
101
00:05:51,299 --> 00:05:53,951
Okay, that was a wet one.
102
00:05:53,952 --> 00:05:56,054
Anyway, what did
you wish for?
103
00:05:56,055 --> 00:05:57,555
A tiger cub?
104
00:05:57,556 --> 00:05:59,107
No, no, no,
not this year.
105
00:05:59,108 --> 00:06:00,941
I'm 0 for 22
on that one.
106
00:06:00,942 --> 00:06:03,011
What then?
Uh, to be honest,
107
00:06:03,012 --> 00:06:06,514
I wished I could spend
more time with Douglas.
108
00:06:06,515 --> 00:06:08,183
Really?
109
00:06:08,184 --> 00:06:10,768
Yeah. He's such
a wonderful young man,
110
00:06:10,769 --> 00:06:13,671
but it seems every time
I'm about to enjoy
111
00:06:13,672 --> 00:06:16,507
the pleasure of his company,
he's whisked away to his job,
112
00:06:16,508 --> 00:06:19,577
or one of his charities,
or he's locked in his room
113
00:06:19,578 --> 00:06:21,362
stricken with fever.
114
00:06:21,363 --> 00:06:23,615
Oh, well.
115
00:06:23,616 --> 00:06:26,868
Let's enjoy
this wonderful cake.
116
00:06:26,869 --> 00:06:28,787
I won. I won.
117
00:06:28,788 --> 00:06:31,039
Douglas, I thought
you were called back to work?
118
00:06:31,040 --> 00:06:33,758
No, t-that was
a wrong number.
119
00:06:33,759 --> 00:06:36,010
I'm going to St. Louis
for the big game.
120
00:06:36,011 --> 00:06:36,978
Oh, that's great.
121
00:06:36,979 --> 00:06:39,097
Sounds like
a marvelous adventure.
122
00:06:39,098 --> 00:06:41,299
Um, have you decided who
you're gonna take with you?
123
00:06:46,856 --> 00:06:47,955
Yeah,
124
00:06:47,956 --> 00:06:49,991
Deacon.
125
00:06:53,962 --> 00:06:57,732
Did you not see me bulge my eyes
and point with my head?
126
00:06:57,733 --> 00:07:00,234
Yeah, I assumed you were having
some sort of seizure,
127
00:07:00,235 --> 00:07:01,436
so I left.
128
00:07:02,220 --> 00:07:04,005
Why can't you just-
129
00:07:04,006 --> 00:07:05,873
No, Carrie, I am not taking him
to St. Louis.
130
00:07:05,874 --> 00:07:07,842
And, you know, it's insane
for you to even ask.
131
00:07:07,843 --> 00:07:10,044
But I'm only asking
because it's his birthday.
132
00:07:10,045 --> 00:07:11,345
No, no. You got
his birthday gift
133
00:07:11,346 --> 00:07:13,047
when you made me
watch TV with him.
134
00:07:13,048 --> 00:07:14,466
But you didn't
watch TV with him.
135
00:07:14,467 --> 00:07:17,252
He rubbed ear stuff on me.
136
00:07:17,253 --> 00:07:19,837
Okay, look, Doug, I know that
he's not a picnic to be around,
137
00:07:19,838 --> 00:07:22,439
but the fact is
that he adores you.
138
00:07:22,440 --> 00:07:24,041
Do you know what
he wished for tonight
139
00:07:24,042 --> 00:07:25,610
when he was blowing out
his candles?
140
00:07:25,611 --> 00:07:27,345
To spend more time
with you.
141
00:07:27,346 --> 00:07:29,514
How do you know that?
Because he told me.
142
00:07:29,515 --> 00:07:31,198
If he told you his wish,
it can't come true.
143
00:07:31,199 --> 00:07:32,433
Doug.
144
00:07:32,434 --> 00:07:34,185
I don't make the rules, baby.
All right.
145
00:07:34,186 --> 00:07:36,020
Let me bottom line
this for you, okay?
146
00:07:36,021 --> 00:07:38,088
You do this for him,
147
00:07:38,089 --> 00:07:40,224
and I will never ask you
to do anything with him
148
00:07:40,225 --> 00:07:42,494
ever, ever again.
Yeah, okay.
149
00:07:42,495 --> 00:07:43,661
Yeah, right.
No,
150
00:07:43,662 --> 00:07:45,679
I am serious.
Take him to St. Louis,
151
00:07:45,680 --> 00:07:47,315
and you are done.
152
00:07:47,316 --> 00:07:49,516
You don't have to drive him
to the senior center,
153
00:07:49,517 --> 00:07:50,919
no more playing Monopoly,
154
00:07:50,920 --> 00:07:52,787
Chinese checkers,
thumb wrestling,
155
00:07:52,788 --> 00:07:54,338
and my hand to God,
156
00:07:54,339 --> 00:07:56,257
you never have
to apply ointment
157
00:07:56,258 --> 00:07:58,542
to his naked back again.
158
00:08:01,179 --> 00:08:03,047
Wait a second,
you just mentioned his back.
159
00:08:03,048 --> 00:08:04,815
You didn't say anything
about his front.
160
00:08:04,816 --> 00:08:06,951
Has he got something on
his front I don't know about?
161
00:08:08,620 --> 00:08:10,972
Fine. You don't have
to do his front, either.
162
00:08:10,973 --> 00:08:12,090
All right.
163
00:08:14,693 --> 00:08:16,127
Hey there, folks.
164
00:08:16,128 --> 00:08:17,929
Welcome aboard flight 317
to St. Louis.
165
00:08:17,930 --> 00:08:19,597
Please make yourselves
comfortable,
166
00:08:19,598 --> 00:08:21,465
we should be
taking off shortly.
167
00:08:24,236 --> 00:08:26,721
This was a wonderful
surprise, Douglas.
168
00:08:26,722 --> 00:08:28,188
Thank you again.
169
00:08:28,189 --> 00:08:29,657
My pleasure.
170
00:08:29,658 --> 00:08:33,044
The fact is, I've been itching
to spend more time with you.
171
00:08:33,045 --> 00:08:34,595
Really?
172
00:08:34,596 --> 00:08:35,930
I was just telling Carrie
173
00:08:35,931 --> 00:08:38,383
I wanted to spend
more time with you.
174
00:08:38,384 --> 00:08:40,802
Wow.
175
00:08:40,803 --> 00:08:42,853
Well, let's just enjoy the time
we have together now.
176
00:08:42,854 --> 00:08:44,389
You know,
177
00:08:44,390 --> 00:08:47,508
in case we don't see
each other much after this.
178
00:08:50,011 --> 00:08:53,281
Yeah, let the enjoying
commence.
179
00:08:53,282 --> 00:08:54,315
What do you got there?
180
00:08:54,316 --> 00:08:56,184
My sleeping pills.
181
00:08:56,185 --> 00:08:57,584
Nervous flier, huh?
182
00:08:57,585 --> 00:08:59,219
Oh, yes.
183
00:08:59,220 --> 00:09:02,523
More than once I've stormed
the cockpit in a panic,
184
00:09:02,524 --> 00:09:05,325
but these days,
that's frowned upon.
185
00:09:05,326 --> 00:09:07,378
Hey, folks,
this is Captain Bender.
186
00:09:07,379 --> 00:09:09,814
We seem to be having a little
problem with the landing gear.
187
00:09:09,815 --> 00:09:13,284
Hopefully we'll get it fixed
and we'll take off shortly.
188
00:09:13,285 --> 00:09:14,785
Oh, God.
189
00:09:19,908 --> 00:09:21,376
Oh, I'm sorry
190
00:09:21,377 --> 00:09:23,628
your flight's delayed, honey,
but hang in there, okay?
191
00:09:23,629 --> 00:09:25,597
You're doing a really great
thing for him.
192
00:09:25,598 --> 00:09:26,831
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
193
00:09:26,832 --> 00:09:28,883
Uh, how's everything
going there?
194
00:09:28,884 --> 00:09:30,584
Uh, it's okay, I guess.
195
00:09:30,585 --> 00:09:32,686
I mean, you know I don't like
to be home by myself,
196
00:09:32,687 --> 00:09:33,888
but it is one night.
197
00:09:33,889 --> 00:09:36,623
I'll just try to get through it
somehow.
198
00:09:36,624 --> 00:09:37,992
All right. I love you.
199
00:09:37,993 --> 00:09:40,161
I love you too.
Bye-bye.
200
00:09:53,325 --> 00:09:55,526
Folks, this is the captain
again.
201
00:09:55,527 --> 00:09:56,977
Apparently,
our maintenance crew
202
00:09:56,978 --> 00:10:00,031
has been unable to fix
the landing gear after all.
203
00:10:00,032 --> 00:10:03,001
But don't worry, we'll get you
to St. Louis tonight.
204
00:10:03,002 --> 00:10:05,469
We have another flight that
connects through Pittsburgh
205
00:10:05,470 --> 00:10:07,939
leaving from Gate 2
in about 15 minutes.
206
00:10:09,307 --> 00:10:12,143
All right, Arthur,
come on, we gotta hustle.
207
00:10:13,478 --> 00:10:14,679
Arthur?
208
00:10:15,614 --> 00:10:16,848
Arthur?
209
00:10:47,829 --> 00:10:48,996
Huh?
210
00:10:50,349 --> 00:10:52,216
Douglas? Douglas?
211
00:10:52,217 --> 00:10:53,234
Yeah, sh- Shhh.
212
00:10:53,235 --> 00:10:56,054
He's old.
Uh, I'm here.
213
00:10:56,055 --> 00:10:58,288
What's going on?
214
00:10:58,289 --> 00:11:01,008
Flight got cancelled. We had to
grab a connection to Pittsburgh.
215
00:11:01,009 --> 00:11:03,311
We're in Pittsburgh?
Yeah.
216
00:11:03,312 --> 00:11:04,578
I've never been
in Pittsburgh.
217
00:11:04,579 --> 00:11:07,615
Come on, let's tour
the steel mills.
218
00:11:07,616 --> 00:11:10,000
Let's drink
from the Monongahela.
219
00:11:10,001 --> 00:11:12,370
We board in a few minutes.
Oh.
220
00:11:12,371 --> 00:11:14,755
That's just enough time
to load up on some souvenirs.
221
00:11:14,756 --> 00:11:16,690
I'll be back in a jiff.
222
00:11:16,691 --> 00:11:19,026
Hey, we don't have a jiff.
223
00:11:36,845 --> 00:11:38,096
Guess who.
224
00:11:38,097 --> 00:11:40,481
Hey, Joe.
What are you doing here?
225
00:11:40,482 --> 00:11:42,450
Oh, I had to go
to a buddy of mine's funeral,
226
00:11:42,451 --> 00:11:44,751
but my flight back doesn't leave
for a couple of hours,
227
00:11:44,752 --> 00:11:46,904
figured I'd pop in here
and surprise you.
228
00:11:46,905 --> 00:11:49,206
Well, mission accomplished.
Yeah, heh.
229
00:11:49,207 --> 00:11:50,975
Where's my boy?
He upstairs?
230
00:11:50,976 --> 00:11:52,309
Uh, no.
231
00:11:52,310 --> 00:11:55,196
Actually, he, uh,
won some tickets
232
00:11:55,197 --> 00:11:56,497
to a basketball game,
233
00:11:56,498 --> 00:11:59,367
so he's on his way
to St. Louis with my father.
234
00:11:59,368 --> 00:12:01,735
Oh. Ah, jeez, I'm sorry
I missed him.
235
00:12:02,871 --> 00:12:05,606
What's all this?
You having a séance?
236
00:12:05,607 --> 00:12:07,374
Uh, no, no. I-
237
00:12:07,375 --> 00:12:09,226
Just a little bit
of mood lighting.
238
00:12:09,227 --> 00:12:10,995
Won't be needing that now.
239
00:12:12,047 --> 00:12:14,481
Oh, God, you're in
the middle of dinner.
240
00:12:14,482 --> 00:12:16,683
Yeah, I'm just having
some sushi. You want some?
241
00:12:16,684 --> 00:12:18,219
No, the one time
I had that,
242
00:12:18,220 --> 00:12:20,387
I got a tapeworm as big
as a baby's leg.
243
00:12:20,388 --> 00:12:22,356
But you enjoy.
244
00:12:25,110 --> 00:12:28,111
Attention all passengers
on flight 641 to St. Louis.
245
00:12:28,112 --> 00:12:31,649
This is final boarding.
Final boarding for St. Louis.
246
00:12:31,650 --> 00:12:33,617
Damn it, Arthur.
Come on.
247
00:12:34,820 --> 00:12:36,119
Hi.
248
00:12:36,120 --> 00:12:38,222
Excuse me, my father-in-law
kind of wandered off.
249
00:12:38,223 --> 00:12:39,506
Can you give me five minutes?
250
00:12:39,507 --> 00:12:41,209
I got to get him
to St. Louis tonight.
251
00:12:41,210 --> 00:12:43,110
I'm sorry.
If it's not an emergency,
252
00:12:43,111 --> 00:12:44,495
I have to close
the door now.
253
00:12:44,496 --> 00:12:46,380
Okay. Y-you know,
it is an emergency.
254
00:12:46,381 --> 00:12:47,848
If I take him
to this game tonight,
255
00:12:47,849 --> 00:12:49,616
I never have to spend time
with him again.
256
00:12:49,617 --> 00:12:51,318
Let me tell you something,
that is huge,
257
00:12:51,319 --> 00:12:53,420
'cause the guy is brutal.
258
00:12:53,421 --> 00:12:57,675
I mean, if a migraine headache
wore a cardigan sweater,
259
00:12:57,676 --> 00:12:59,843
and chewed its soup,
that would be Arthur Spooner.
260
00:12:59,844 --> 00:13:01,712
You know what I'm saying?
261
00:13:01,713 --> 00:13:03,347
Arthur.
262
00:13:03,348 --> 00:13:07,034
And to think I just bought you
an "I Heart Pittsburgh" button.
263
00:13:08,503 --> 00:13:10,988
Arthur! Just give me one second,
please? Arthur.
264
00:13:25,921 --> 00:13:27,087
Hey, I'm trying to find a guy
265
00:13:27,088 --> 00:13:28,889
who ran off in that direction
right there.
266
00:13:28,890 --> 00:13:31,091
You want to help me chase him?
I'll give you 10 bucks.
267
00:13:31,092 --> 00:13:32,493
Sure, hop in.
All right, man.
268
00:13:32,494 --> 00:13:34,928
Thank you very much.
Let her rip.
269
00:13:46,792 --> 00:13:48,659
Let her rip.
Let her rip.
270
00:13:49,561 --> 00:13:51,996
Gun it.
271
00:13:51,997 --> 00:13:53,481
Okay.
272
00:13:53,482 --> 00:13:56,450
Not the best 10 bucks
I ever spent. Thank you.
273
00:14:02,207 --> 00:14:04,458
Arthur, how'd
you get back here?
274
00:14:04,459 --> 00:14:07,278
I just did a quick circle
around the chairs.
275
00:14:07,279 --> 00:14:09,013
Sir, I'm closing
the door now.
276
00:14:09,014 --> 00:14:10,248
Are you boarding or not?
277
00:14:10,249 --> 00:14:12,332
Yes. Yes, we are.
No, we're not.
278
00:14:12,333 --> 00:14:16,053
I'm not flying to St. Louis
with a man who despises me.
279
00:14:16,054 --> 00:14:18,005
Never again.
Look, I don't-
280
00:14:18,006 --> 00:14:19,924
I don't despise you, okay?
281
00:14:19,925 --> 00:14:21,992
I- I just made that stuff up
so he'd hold the gate.
282
00:14:21,993 --> 00:14:23,060
I swear it.
Now, come on.
283
00:14:23,061 --> 00:14:24,995
Douglas, I may be
a stupid old man,
284
00:14:24,996 --> 00:14:27,732
but I'm not stupid.
You meant what you said.
285
00:14:27,733 --> 00:14:30,935
And I'm not getting on
that plane.
286
00:14:33,739 --> 00:14:35,038
You know what, Arthur?
287
00:14:35,039 --> 00:14:36,640
You're right.
I meant what I said.
288
00:14:36,641 --> 00:14:38,109
I meant every
damn word of it.
289
00:14:38,110 --> 00:14:40,444
Every time I got
something good in my life,
290
00:14:40,445 --> 00:14:42,680
you come along with
your big Mickey Mouse hands
291
00:14:42,681 --> 00:14:44,749
and scoop it away.
292
00:14:44,750 --> 00:14:46,433
What did I ever
take from you?
293
00:14:46,434 --> 00:14:48,953
I defy you
to name three things.
294
00:14:48,954 --> 00:14:50,337
My basement,
295
00:14:50,338 --> 00:14:51,538
my privacy,
296
00:14:51,539 --> 00:14:54,008
a quarter of my paycheck
every week.
297
00:14:54,009 --> 00:14:56,193
I defy you to name three more.
298
00:14:57,829 --> 00:14:59,597
There are thousands more,
okay, Arthur?
299
00:14:59,598 --> 00:15:01,299
Let's go with
the latest one, this game.
300
00:15:01,300 --> 00:15:02,733
I really wanted to go
to this game
301
00:15:02,734 --> 00:15:04,685
and you blew it for me.
302
00:15:04,686 --> 00:15:06,536
I will not give you
the satisfaction
303
00:15:06,537 --> 00:15:07,972
of lording this over me.
304
00:15:07,973 --> 00:15:10,942
I will get you
to your precious game.
305
00:15:10,943 --> 00:15:12,693
How the hell are
you gonna do that?
306
00:15:34,649 --> 00:15:36,983
How you doing there, Joe?
Getting close maybe?
307
00:15:36,984 --> 00:15:38,519
Few more seconds.
308
00:15:38,520 --> 00:15:40,287
Okay.
309
00:15:40,288 --> 00:15:42,723
Startin' to get
the shakes.
310
00:15:42,724 --> 00:15:44,758
All right.
311
00:15:44,759 --> 00:15:45,992
Let her down gently.
312
00:15:45,993 --> 00:15:48,061
Okay.
313
00:15:48,062 --> 00:15:49,796
Ugh. How's that?
314
00:15:49,797 --> 00:15:51,098
She still wobbling?
315
00:15:51,099 --> 00:15:53,567
Didn't notice that
she was wobbling before,
316
00:15:53,568 --> 00:15:55,402
but it seems fine now.
317
00:15:55,403 --> 00:15:57,771
Ah, I don't know.
318
00:15:57,772 --> 00:15:59,540
Let me see.
319
00:15:59,541 --> 00:16:00,674
Whoa.
320
00:16:00,675 --> 00:16:02,109
You don't have a level.
321
00:16:02,110 --> 00:16:04,412
I don't know. Just what's here
is put in the box.
322
00:16:04,413 --> 00:16:05,896
All right,
no need to panic.
323
00:16:05,897 --> 00:16:07,197
I can make one
lickety-split.
324
00:16:07,198 --> 00:16:08,699
All I need is
a couple of Dixie cups,
325
00:16:08,700 --> 00:16:10,868
a Ping-Pong ball
and a drop of oil.
326
00:16:10,869 --> 00:16:12,837
Joe, the table's fine now.
327
00:16:12,838 --> 00:16:14,638
It's your house.
328
00:16:14,639 --> 00:16:15,906
Now, the last time
I was here,
329
00:16:15,907 --> 00:16:17,474
I noticed the ice
was a little milky.
330
00:16:17,475 --> 00:16:19,210
Come on, help me
move the fridge out.
331
00:16:19,211 --> 00:16:20,544
No.
332
00:16:20,545 --> 00:16:21,645
What's the matter?
333
00:16:21,646 --> 00:16:23,814
Look, Joe, I am done
moving furniture
334
00:16:23,815 --> 00:16:25,349
for tonight, okay?
335
00:16:25,350 --> 00:16:28,219
And that also includes
sanding and varnishing.
336
00:16:29,487 --> 00:16:31,322
Oh, gee,
I'm sorry, Carrie.
337
00:16:31,323 --> 00:16:34,225
I guess I kind of did barge in
and take over, huh?
338
00:16:34,226 --> 00:16:36,394
Yeah, a little bit.
339
00:16:36,395 --> 00:16:37,894
Listen, I think maybe
I'd better, uh,
340
00:16:37,895 --> 00:16:39,296
head over to the airport
341
00:16:39,297 --> 00:16:42,899
and, uh, hang out there
till my flight leaves.
342
00:16:42,900 --> 00:16:46,303
Again, I'm sorry
if I interrupted your evening.
343
00:16:46,304 --> 00:16:48,706
It was good seeing you,
Carrie.
344
00:16:48,707 --> 00:16:50,041
Oh, Joe.
345
00:16:50,042 --> 00:16:53,411
Wait. Please.
346
00:16:53,412 --> 00:16:56,297
I want you to stay,
really I do.
347
00:16:56,298 --> 00:16:58,582
Really?
348
00:16:58,583 --> 00:17:00,751
Can't we just sit and talk?
You know, have a normal visit
349
00:17:00,752 --> 00:17:03,587
without power tools
and Dixie cups?
350
00:17:04,756 --> 00:17:06,524
I'd like that.
351
00:17:06,525 --> 00:17:07,858
Me too.
352
00:17:25,359 --> 00:17:27,995
Thank you. Without you,
we wouldn't have had a minyan.
353
00:17:27,996 --> 00:17:29,830
Well, that's what we do.
354
00:17:35,287 --> 00:17:37,788
Okay, that was ridiculous.
355
00:17:37,789 --> 00:17:39,690
You're lucky I taught pottery
on a kibbutz
356
00:17:39,691 --> 00:17:42,593
or I never could have
talked our way on here.
357
00:17:42,594 --> 00:17:43,760
Okay, if I were lucky,
358
00:17:43,761 --> 00:17:45,563
you wouldn't be living
in my basement.
359
00:17:45,564 --> 00:17:48,232
And if I were lucky,
you wouldn't be so fat.
360
00:17:49,867 --> 00:17:51,251
What does that have to do
with luck?
361
00:17:51,252 --> 00:17:54,472
I can't hear you,
you're too fat.
362
00:17:54,473 --> 00:17:57,191
Oh, God!
What was that?
363
00:17:57,192 --> 00:17:58,592
I don't know.
364
00:17:58,593 --> 00:18:00,794
Gentlemen, we've hit
a bit of weather here.
365
00:18:00,795 --> 00:18:02,796
It's going to be pretty bumpy
the rest of the way
366
00:18:02,797 --> 00:18:04,198
to St. Louis,
so please make sure
367
00:18:04,199 --> 00:18:06,166
you keep your seat belts
fastened. Thank you.
368
00:18:06,167 --> 00:18:07,367
Where are my pills?
369
00:18:07,368 --> 00:18:09,803
You took 'em all in New York.
Oh, God!
370
00:18:12,357 --> 00:18:13,991
Just relax, okay?
371
00:18:13,992 --> 00:18:16,710
I can't relax.
I'm terrified.
372
00:18:16,711 --> 00:18:19,213
I wish I'd really prayed
with these men
373
00:18:19,214 --> 00:18:22,750
instead of just making
silly noises.
374
00:18:22,751 --> 00:18:24,034
Aagh!
375
00:18:29,174 --> 00:18:30,741
Come on.
376
00:18:36,163 --> 00:18:38,232
Just relax.
You all right?
377
00:18:38,233 --> 00:18:39,499
You okay?
378
00:18:39,500 --> 00:18:41,868
I- I don't want to die,
Douglas.
379
00:18:41,869 --> 00:18:44,538
You're not gonna die, okay?
It's just turbulence.
380
00:18:44,539 --> 00:18:47,241
I mean, I don't want
to die ever.
381
00:18:48,710 --> 00:18:50,644
With my luck, you won't.
382
00:18:52,513 --> 00:18:54,147
Douglas,
383
00:18:55,583 --> 00:18:57,718
when my time does come,
384
00:18:57,719 --> 00:18:59,887
am I headed upstairs
or downstairs?
385
00:19:00,571 --> 00:19:02,339
I- I think upstairs.
386
00:19:02,340 --> 00:19:04,124
I hope so.
Although, over the years,
387
00:19:04,125 --> 00:19:06,793
at least a dozen people
have said to me,
388
00:19:06,794 --> 00:19:09,329
"You're gonna roast in hell,
Spooner. "
389
00:19:09,330 --> 00:19:11,131
Mm-hmm.
390
00:19:11,132 --> 00:19:12,682
Even so, I think you're, uh-
391
00:19:12,683 --> 00:19:14,284
You're really not
the hell type.
392
00:19:14,285 --> 00:19:16,020
Down there,
they're looking for evil.
393
00:19:16,021 --> 00:19:17,654
You're not evil.
You're-
394
00:19:17,655 --> 00:19:19,974
You're exhausting.
395
00:19:19,975 --> 00:19:22,659
Thank you, Douglas.
Yeah.
396
00:19:22,660 --> 00:19:25,813
I'm sorry I played
the fat card before.
397
00:19:25,814 --> 00:19:28,031
It's okay. You didn't
play it very well.
398
00:19:30,868 --> 00:19:31,968
Well, that being said,
399
00:19:31,969 --> 00:19:33,537
you might want
to speak to the pilot,
400
00:19:33,538 --> 00:19:37,541
because I'm about
to become hysterical.
401
00:19:37,542 --> 00:19:39,927
Gentlemen, it looks like
we're going to be making
402
00:19:39,928 --> 00:19:42,463
an unscheduled stop
in about five minutes.
403
00:19:42,464 --> 00:19:47,384
Don't worry, the screaming man
will be getting off the plane.
404
00:19:49,354 --> 00:19:51,438
So Freddy says to me,
405
00:19:51,439 --> 00:19:54,274
"That's not a Lionel engine.
That's a knockoff. "
406
00:19:54,275 --> 00:19:55,609
But the joke is on him
407
00:19:55,610 --> 00:19:57,811
because I know it's authentic
from the smokestack.
408
00:19:57,812 --> 00:19:59,930
So he sold it to me
for a song.
409
00:19:59,931 --> 00:20:01,732
You're kidding me.
Hand to God.
410
00:20:01,733 --> 00:20:02,766
I love it.
411
00:20:02,767 --> 00:20:03,800
Oh, oh, oh.
412
00:20:03,801 --> 00:20:05,319
Here's the capper.
413
00:20:05,320 --> 00:20:06,169
Jump ahead three years.
414
00:20:06,170 --> 00:20:07,905
I'm at a train show
in Utica
415
00:20:07,906 --> 00:20:09,439
and guess who walks
over to me
416
00:20:09,440 --> 00:20:12,109
with the sorriest-looking
freight car you ever saw?
417
00:20:12,110 --> 00:20:13,277
I think I know who.
418
00:20:13,278 --> 00:20:14,578
Oh, wait.
419
00:20:14,579 --> 00:20:15,912
Hold that thought.
420
00:20:17,915 --> 00:20:19,883
Hello?
421
00:20:19,884 --> 00:20:21,585
What?
422
00:20:21,586 --> 00:20:22,752
Oh, God.
423
00:20:22,753 --> 00:20:25,722
All right. I'll-
I'll be right there.
424
00:20:25,723 --> 00:20:27,541
Okay, bye-bye.
425
00:20:27,542 --> 00:20:30,377
Crisis at the office.
I have to run.
426
00:20:30,378 --> 00:20:31,611
Oh, that stinks.
427
00:20:31,612 --> 00:20:34,347
Yeah, I know, but lock up
when you leave, okay?
428
00:20:34,348 --> 00:20:35,582
Thanks. Mwah.
429
00:20:59,908 --> 00:21:02,326
Okay, so, what do you like?
430
00:21:02,327 --> 00:21:03,960
The Dayton snow globe
431
00:21:03,961 --> 00:21:06,996
or the Dayton
cheese board?
432
00:21:11,168 --> 00:21:13,269
Okay, the cheese board.
30845
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