All language subtitles for Head Office

Hi, my name is Pete Helmes.

30 years ago,
I started a small company

called INC
Bearing and Tool,

and with these balls of steel

I built INC International.

Now we produce
over 10,000 products,

from a 50-megaton
nuclear warhead

to a creamier,
nuttier peanut butter

and a new, quieter
artificial heart.

Every day at INC
we're developing products

that would improve
your life, like Permalax,

an all-new
laxative implant,

that relieves irregularity
for up to 25 years

with a one-step
implantation.

I had the Permalax implant,

now I'm regular for life.

But, more important,

we care about you,

and we care
about our employees.

INC is the company

that cares about people.

Mr. Helmes wants
Senator Issel's full cooperation

when we make
our Latin American move.

- What did you get on him?
- Yes, sir.

He's Washington's strongest
supporter of big business.

That's his voting record.
We contributed $150,000

to his last campaign, and laundered it
through our Mexican banks--

these are the cancelled checks.
His wife's a heavy boozer--

those are copies
of her liquor store bills.

He's having an affair with
a DC hooker named Kitten Davis--

those are the Polaroids.
He's been bribed

by all the major oil companies--
these are the telephone transcripts.

And of course,
the standard men's room shots.

- Fine.
- And his son's graduation

- is this morning.
- Perfect.

You're leaders,
you're businessmen,

you're America's future.

They say a master's degree
in business from this school is

the golden ticket to the top positions
of industry and finance.

But this school can only provide
her graduates with the tools.

It's up to you as individuals

to put those tools to work.

Where in hell is
the goddamn son of a bitch?

I don't know
about this, Dr. Kline,

maybe you shouldn't
be taking that off.

I've got a terrible feeling
this is very wrong.

My graduation ceremony
starts any second.

Don't worry, Jack,
you'll make it.

Are you sure this is
okay in your lab?

It's a normal
organic function, Jack.

I don't know, I mean,
it's all the way across campus.

For 72 years our graduates...

I'm a damned US Senator,
I've got a damned election coming up,

I've got a damned
reputation to protect,

and I'm not going
to allow your damned son

to embarrass me like this
and tarnish my damned image!

Oh, yes, stay with me!

I swear I'll
murder him for this.

The honor roll
of America's industrial history

reads much like
the honor roll of this school.

- Names like Rockefeller,
- Jack!

- Ford,
- Jack!

- Morgan,
- Jack.

- Vanderbilt and Mellon.
- Stay with me, Jack!

And it's up to you,

the Class of '85,

to carry the torch
of that great tradition

into America's
industrial future.

Oh, Jack, oh!

- Thank you.
- Thank you.

- Thank you, thank you.
- Thank you, thank you.

McDermott, Iona.

Martinez, Juan Jorge.

I didn't expect this.

Neither did I.

Low pulse rate,

vascular circulation
at a minimum--

I just didn't think it'd be like this
when I lost my virginity.

This is your first time?

I forgot to mention that.

- Senator.
- Scott.

Hi, how are you?

- Bob Nixon, Senator Issel.
- Senator.

Senator was just appointed
Washington's new Chairman

of the Senate Committee
on Latin American Affairs.

What brings INC out here
on a workday, Scott?

- Recruiting.
- Oh.

Hudson, John Matthew.

- I like this John Hudson kid.
- Second in class, good family.

How about your boy?
Taking any offers?

Well, let's just say
Jack's reviewing his options.

He knows what's important,
he'll land on his feet.

So, Jack, what are
you graduating in?

- Business.
- Oh, that's nice.

So, I guess, you'll be getting
into business then?

Yeah.

You know, Jack just might fit
into INC's program.

What do you think?

Well, I think he'd--

He'd be a terrific asset
to the company.

Congratulations!

Wittenborn,
Derek Paul III.

I'm running late!

Butterworth,
Hugh Davidson.

Zenith, Michael.

Issel, Jack
Davidson, Jr.

Thank you.

Colonel, that construction,
that's us.

That, that, I own all that.

There, those two towers there.

This one, over here, this one.

20 years ago
I came to this town,

I had less than
$43 million in my pocket.

Now...

I own all this.

That's America, Colonel.

...WQLN Chicago, it's 7:30 A.M.

and it's already
82� out there.

Ouch, get me a cocktail.

Jack Issel, Jr.,

24-year-old son
of Senator Jack Issel,

was found in bed
this morning dead.

Police believe
the suicide was

a result of Jack Jr.'s fear
of getting up early and going to work

for the next 40 years
of his life.

# Late at night #

# I can't wait
to close my eyes #

# 'Cause every chance
you might #

# Come into my life #

# If it's only for a moment,
I just can't bear #

# The thought
of you not there #

# You're in my dreams #

# Surreal, surreal #

# You're in my dreams #

# Surreal, surreal #

# I can almost
feel you in my dreams #

Jack, this is your mother.
I just called to say

good luck on your first day.
Bye, sweetheart.

Jack, it's Monica.

Well, you remember the dress,
you know, that dress?

I mean, it's like,
forget it, it's totaled!

Jack, hi, this is
Max Landsberger,

I'm in charge
of new recruits at INC.

I'll be showing you around
for the first few days.

Now, you'll be starting
with Frank Stedman on the 41st floor.

I'll meet you
at his office at 9:00.

Oh and congratulations, Jack.

You really scored getting Stedman.
He's going right to the top.

Sid, it's Frank Stedman.
I'm dead.

- Frank, just relax.
- Finished!

Helmes swore he wouldn't
announce this move until Christmas.

It's the goddamn headline
in "The Journal"!

- Hey, no problem, Frank.
- The SEC's going to want to know

why I sold 50,000
Allenville shares...

We can take care
of everything, just relax.

...the day before we
torpedoed the plant!

- Can you hold on just a second there?
- I can go to jail!

- Can you hold?
- No, I can't hold!

What do you--
Sid, Sid!

Crap! Will you get
this thing moving?

We're stuck in a traffic jam, sir,
I'm not the Great Houdini.

Well, blow your horn
like everybody else!

Only a fool blows his horn
in a traffic jam, sir.

Please, please, please,
Jack, pick up, please!

Come on, come on,
God, please! Sid-- Sid!

- Frank?
- Thank God!

- Hold on, Frank.
- No, I can't hold, Sid. Wait, hello--

Crap!

Hey!

Hey, come on!

You are insane,
brother, come on!

Yes!

Hi, Sid,
Scott Dantley.

Sid, the SEC's
really got us by the balls

in this Stedman stock deal.

Mr. Helmes wants him
terminated.

Uh-huh, wants his desk out,

his chair out, carpet out,

parking privileges
revoked-- hold on, Sid.

Turn it up.

Can the stockmarket
survive a nuclear holocaust?

Yes, says
our next guest,

and he'll tell us what stocks
to buy and what to sell

in the event
of a thermonuclear exchange

right after these messages.

Listen, Sid,
Mr. Helmes is the company,

he doesn't give a flying shit
about Stedman's loyalty,

and he wants him
out by lunch.

Look there. Ike Grisham,

Chairman
of Petrodine International.

Oh, God!

I love it up here!

Dantley.

Dantley.

Get outta here!

We have most INC management
women with us, Jane.

- We certainly hope you're behind us.
- God, yes, absolutely, 100% .

- We have to go in united as women.
- I agree, absolutely.

- As women 120% .
- United we stand.

Divided we fall. Frank!

Frank, this Latin American move is really
going to shake things up.

You know I'm right for division head.
Just help me make my move.

- I can't talk about that now.
- We'll do it tonight then.

- A drink, fine, I'll need one later.
- Great, how's my place, 8:00?

They are gonna dump me over
this Allenville stock deal.

- What are you talking about?
- I'm dead, finished!

- Jesus, you're serious.
- Dead serious.

We'll talk tonight at your place.
I might need your help.

Damn it, I don't know what's
the matter with me, I've got

- racquetball tonight and tomorrow.
- Racquetball?

What's the matter with me?
We'll have to reschedule.

- Call me, we'll reschedule.
- Racquetball?

You can count on me.

Count on you?

- No one trusts me, Mike.
- Oh, Al, trust me, they trust you.

- I'm too honest for them.
- You're not that honest.

- Everyone thinks I'm an asshole.
- No, not everyone.

Name one person who hasn't
called me an asshole.

- Stedman.
- Stedman, that asshole?

-Name someone with clout.
- Al, pull yourself together.

Mike, don't shit me,
don't shit a dead man.

You're looking
at an insect husk,

a whacked up,
burned out body shell.

- A dead person!
- Al, it's only Monday.

You're talking
like it's already Friday.

- Scott Dantley, Colonel Frank Tolliver.
- Hello, Colonel.

Apollo 6, Apollo 16,

and now national sales rep
for Daisy Fresh Toilet Tissue.

You've always
been a hero, sir.

Colonel Tolliver
is going to speak

to the prayer breakfast
on "God in Space."

So, won't you say
you're the...

the, the--

What are the implications
of the tests, Dr. Hirsch?

You mean, I only have--

you mean,
I only have 8 months to live?

Are you absolutely--

is that a certainty?

Okay, thank you.

What the hell are you doing?

- We are not the source--
- Put it back!

Put it all back! Down!

Down, down, down,
down, down, down.

All I know is what's
on the work order.

Why are you doing this?
Who told you to do this to me?

Someone said the guy
who was in here died.

Died? Died?!

Do I look dead, huh?
What the hell do you mean died?

- Do I?
- Not to me, sir.

This is Jack Issel, sir.

Out of my freaking way!

Good morning, Frank.

Jack Issel,
Max Landsberger.

- How are you doing?
- Hi.

There has been
a slight screw up.

You won't be starting
with Stedman this morning.

- I thought I caught him at a bad time.
- No problem.

Lesson number one:

Beware of the furniture movers.

When the axe falls, they're
always the first to know.

People see them
coming and they shit.

I thought Mr. Stedman
didn't seem too happy.

Hell no,
he just got fired.

Listen, I got you set up
in PR with Howard Gross.

Gross is the kind of guy

who really knows
how to handle the pressure.

This is Howard Gross talking!
I'm 35 years old,

I'm the head of this division!
I'm not the head of this division

because I'm a moron.
I got the head of this division,

because I-I-I'm not a moron!
My neck is on the line here.

I'm the one who's
going to determine

if it's brilliant or not brilliant,
and I'm telling you it's crap!

Look, I'm not--
listen to me,

I'm not trying to sell pantyhose!
It's on my head.

I've got to convince them
that killing 100,000 jobs

and closing down a plant, moving it
to Latin America is not unpatriotic.

I've got to sell this being
as patriotic as goddamn apple pie!

If anybody up there sees this,

I'm going to die.
They're going to kill me.

I've got to go. I've got--

The phone's going here.
I've got to put you on hold.

I've got 35 lines going here.
I've got the one that has

three lines coming in.
I got 35 people looking at me.

- Hang on for a second. What?
-Mr. Young's on three.

He's just seen the campaign.
He sounds upset.

- Tell him to hold.
- Mr. Rayback's on four.

He's also seen the campaign.
He also sounds upset.

- Tell Rayback to hold!
- Your wife's on five from the hospital.

- Her father just passed away.
- Tell my wife to hold.

Your mechanic's on six.

He wants to talk to you
about your Mercedes.

- Hey, how are you doing, Lars?
- Hello, Mr. Gross. How are you?

- Good talking to you.
- Fine. No, I'm great.

You guys are great, are you kidding?
So is it going to be ready?

We're having a problem with your car. It's
more than an oil leak.

I'm afraid we'll have to also fix
the transmission. $2500, I'd say.

What are you talking about?
No, I just wanted the oil.

-Plus labor, we're talking $4000 even.
- Wait, wait, wait!

You wanna come over
and see my driveway?

I got no oil on my driveway.

What are you
talking about, a leak?

You guys are a bunch of goniffs.
You bring in a car.

You put a leak in it.
It's all under warranty!

They can't do this.

They're doing it.
They're doing it.

Hi, Frank.

- I gotta see Dantley!
- He's on his way

- to the prayer breakfast, sir.
- Jesus Christ!

You guys are goniffs.
You guys are worse-- you guys are--

You think you have a monopoly
because you have a dealership there?

You're crazy! I bring it in at 15,
at 25, at 35, for a goddamn oil change!

That's under warranty,
that transmission!

I'm working here all day long!
I'm 35 years old! I head up a division!

I'm going to have a heart attack
trying to pay for this car!

Lesson number two:
Never volunteer, never confront,

never talk to anyone
you can possibly avoid.

- Hello, Max.
- Morning, Bob.

Lousy thing
about Stedman.

We're doing everything
in our power to save his neck.

Let me show you where
your office is, Jack.

Excuse me.

Stedman's out. I want xeroxed copies
of his personal files.

- Hudson, that's your first job.
- Sir.

- A list of his contracts and Rolodex.
- Sir.

Rich, I want his
underground parking spot--

get maintenance to paint my name on it
before somebody else grabs it.

- Anything else?
- You're late for your prayer breakfast.

I think you've got
"God in Space" this morning, sir.

I believe in the Lord God,
mister.

If more people
in this company had my faith,

we'd not only
be the biggest,

we'd also
be the best.

Amen, sir.

Through business and industry

the Lord God can once again

become a real force
in America.

American industry
is the cornerstone

of moral order,

spiritual vitality,

and national defense.

When I stepped
into your building this morning,

I could feel
the spirit of the Lord

flowing through these halls.

I've got 35 guys on hold.

I've got too many guys on hold.
I can't talk to you!

What do you want me to say?
Your father is dead!

There's no point in him
being in semi-private, okay?

He could be
in Yankee Stadium!

He doesn't have to be in semi-private.
The man is dead!

Of course the company's got a policy. That
doesn't mean I get covered for it.

I've got 35 lines here.
I can't talk to you. Hang on.

It wasn't my fault.
I'll call you back.

It wasn't my fault.
It wasn't my fault.

- Hey.
- Hey.

Come on! Move.

- Was that--
- Yeah, Frank.

Lesson number four:

The secret to survival is
never make a decision.

- Never?
- Never.

The minute you do,
you get screwed.

I didn't make that decision!
I approved somebody else's decision!

Don't you know the difference between
a decision and an approval?

Find out what the difference is,

and then call the guy who made
the decision. I just approved it!

What are you guys doing to me?
You're killing me up here!

I've got a $72,000
Mercedes-Benz

that's leaking
more oil than Poland,

I've got a dead father-in-law who's pissed
because he is in semi-private,

I've got a cat in the hospital
costing me $100 a day,

I could put him
in the Hyatt for $75!

You guys are
killing me up here!

I'm dying here,
I'm dying!

I love this business.

So you think you're
executive material, Jack?

You mean,
can I play hardball?

No, I mean,
can you kiss ass?

We'd better get a move on.

Gross will have a heart attack
if you keep him waiting.

I'm afraid Mr. Gross
can't make the meeting.

He can't be that busy.

I wouldn't exactly call what Mr. Gross is
doing right now as being busy.

- Well, then what is he?
- He's dead.

- He's dead.
- Let's make it after lunch.

After lunch is just as bad.
Mr. Gross is dead.

He'll still be dead after lunch.

Mr. Young will be very upset.

I know Mr. Young gets upset
when we cancel business meetings,

- but Mr. Gross has passed away.
- Passed away?

- Dead.
- Dead? You mean, really dead?

- No longer alive, correct.
- Try aspirin--

The man is dead.
He's turning green as we speak.

He's not going to
make it to lunch,

and he's not gonna
make it to the meeting.

So if Mr. Young wants
to see Mr. Gross that badly,

I'll ship Mr. Gross's body down
by Eternal Mail.

Gross screams a lot.
He's a little nuts,

- but you'll get used to him.
- Right.

You can live with him
as long as you lift

- your end of the load.
- Right.

- Lift.
- Right.

Howard Gross is one of the best
PR men in the business.

He's been doing a hell of a job
for us for a lot of years.

Real pressure player.

Son of a bitch,
he looks pretty bad.

He's dead, sir.

You can call me Max.

He's dead, Max.

You won't be
starting with Gross.

Give me a minute on this.
I'll make a call.

Let me try and set you up
with Mike Hoover.

He's got a great future
in this company.

They sure dropped
a shitload of power in your lap!

Al, I want to talk to you.

You were smart, Mike.

You picked up the whole
Latin American region last year.

Who would have guessed
this Allenville move?

You lucky son of a bitch!

Al, you're the only
guy I can talk to!

Walk me down.
I'm going to have a little time

before the prayer breakfast meeting. Mike,
I'm gone!

I'm dead, and you don't
even understand

the meaning
of the word dead!

- Pardon.
- Hold the elevator.

You're actually
physically dying?

Eight months.
The doctor said eight months.

I just couldn't believe it.

Now, look, Al, the most
important thing is,

I don't want you to tell
anybody about this,

because if any of these guys find out
anything about this, it'll be terrible!

Al, my work is all
I have left right now.

And I want to keep working
for as long as I can.

If any of these guys
finds out anything about this,

they are going to be after my job
like a bunch of vultures.

So be sure you don't
tell anybody, all right?

Jesus, Mike,

I swear I wouldn't say a word.

Social disorder, drugs,

homosexuality,

racial impurity,
and foreign imports.

Hoover just told me
he had eight months to live.

Jesus.
What's he got?

The whole Latin
American Division.

I mean, what disease?

Jesus, I forgot to ask.

Gentlemen, let us pray.

Jesus.

My carpets.

They rolled up my carpets.

My sink.

"To Frank Stedman,

for 15 years of service."

A Timex.

A goddamn lousy $22 Timex!

- Amen.
- Amen.

- Jack, welcome aboard.
- Thank you, sir.

I know your father.

Great senator, great American,
outstanding human being.

Well, he's managed
to stay out of jail,

and we're real proud
about that, sir.

You've met Howard Gross.

Uh, not really,
I mean, he died.

He died
before I could--

You'll have a new boss
in a few days, Jack.

We were planning on
moving Howard out anyway.

- Move him out.
- Yes, sir.

He never really had
the heart for the job.

God, I love
this company.

I love the action. I love how it
tests you every minute of every day.

Let it down
for one second,

the entire system
will roll over you

like a Mac truck--
it's merciless.

- But when you're there in that cab...
- Yeah!

gripping that wheel,

pedal to the metal,
foot to the floor,

flat out screaming down
the highway, wind at your heels,

the entire power
of a multinational corporation

pounding under the hood-- ha!

Nothing like it,
nothing in the world.

Bob, what was Frank Stedman
wearing this morning?

An old blue suit, sir.

That's what I thought.

My God.

The exhilaration of power,
that's what we're all here for, Jack.

But you gotta have what it takes.
Am I right, Nixon?

Absolutely, sir.

- Stedman.
- Looks like it.

The company is
a world onto itself.

Company giveth,
company taketh away.

The strong survive,
the weak fall.

Jack,

we won't be easy on you,
but I promise you this--

- be a better man for it.
- Absolutely.

Two in one morning.

Welcome to the world
of big business.

You won't be
starting with Hoover.

Rumor is he'll
be dead in eight months.

You'll be starting
in complaints. This is you.

It's small,
but it has no window.

Eliminates the temptation to jump.

You could always
hang yourself.

No way,
the ceiling's too low.

Hi, my name is Rabinovich.
I'm from St. Louie.

I'm just down the hall.
I'm new, too.

Max Landsberger.

- Jack Issel.
- Hi.

Well, if it isn't
the senator's son.

I bet Daddy had to pull
a few strings to get you in here.

I believe it was
a straight cash payoff.

- Max Landsberger.
- John Hudson.

Jack, why don't you
take a few minutes to get settled?

I have to make some
new arrangements for you anyway.

I'll be back in a flash.

Gentlemen.

This cream developed by your company
to eliminate hair from women's legs

is a crime against women,
a crime against nature,

and we demand its immediate
removal from the market.

You don't think women
should shave their legs or underarms.

Take a look.

We are not, and I repeat, not involved
in the underarm issue.

You're not involved
in the underarm issue?

That's the W.A.C.P.F.S.M.M.L.

- W.A.C.--
- Women Against Corporate Promotion

of Female Self-Mutilation,
Marxist-Leninists.

I'm going to pass this on
to my superior.

- Aw, shut up.
- Pass this on to your superior, Jack.

Yeah.

Do you know
what this is, Mr. Issel?

Is this a trick question?

This is the liver
of a sperm whale.

A subsidiary of your corporation is killing
sperm whales for this liver.

We all represent groups
who are opposed

to this murderous
action against God and nature.

Child Psychologists
For a Free Poland Against Whaling!

Right.

Zionism is fascism.
Fascism is murder.

Murder is whaling.
Whaling is Zionism!

Right. Yeah.

Larry and I were
together for six years.

Then your company
gave him a transfer,

and they won't
give me his address.

This is bad.
This is very, very bad.

- You know Larry.
- Right.

Very, very
unhappy man.

You're keeping us apart

and I will not
let big business

play with people's
lives like this!

Hold his arm.

You! You slug!

They'll hang me!
Larry!

I'm looking for someone
in Public Relations.

- They sent me down here.
- They did?

My name is Rachael, I'm here to lodge
a complaint against your company.

Okay, that's why I'm here.

Look, Mr. Issel,
I'm not naive.

I realize these complaints will be
filed away somewhere and forgotten,

but we will fight your criminal company
in every way that we can.

Here, this is for you,
Mr. Issel.

Jesus.

What's the problem?

Too much coffee.

Ahem. Anyway,

there are 25,000 names
on that petition.

That's the population
of Allenville.

If your company closes
the Allenville plant,

those people lose
their jobs and their homes,

all because your company
can get a little bit more profit

by moving the plant to some poor country
where labor is 10� an hour

- and you guys own the government.
- Gosh, you're pretty.

- Ahem.
- Would you like to sit?

No, thank you.

If INC pulls out,
this town dies, Mr. Issel.

Hey, don't yell at me.
I just started here this morning.

- Would you like a Diet Coke?
- No, thank you.

Now, if INC would
let the workers buy the plant

and run it themselves,
they could save this town.

That sounds very sensible.

Hey, listen, I gotta tell you,

you're the most interesting
and attractive person

- I've met on this job so far.
- That's typical.

They always dump us
on some little guy

who just wants
to make small-talk.

Hey, wait a minute. This little guy is going
some place, fella.

Oh, where's that, fella?

I'm going to lunch at 12:30.

Hey, look, come along and we can
talk about this Allenville thing.

No, thank you. This photocopy
of the petition is for your boss.

- How about lunch on Tuesday?
- And this pamphlet outlines

the damages that will be done
if the plant closes.

- I'm free on Wednesday.
- Goodbye, Mr. Issel.

I'm free on Thursday.
Thursday--

Actually, I'm free
right through 2010.

Jane, come on, can we
do that afterwards?

"Howard Gross's tragic death
was not only a personal loss,

but a blow to the entire
Public Relations Division."

God, can't that wait?

No, no, wait a minute.

"As former PR head, I feel qualified
to recommend Jane Caldwell

as the new PR Division
Vice President.

She is a tough-minded,

innovative,

aggressive executive--"

No, I can do better than that.

- Now what?
- Just hold it, Bob.

"She is a tough-minded,

innovative, aggressive

team player."

Better, right?

"She has combined intelligence

and a relentless drive...

with wit and unique femininity.

In short, she's the number one
choice for the job."

Signed, Bob Nixon.
What do you think?

I think you've upset
my concentration.

I'll have it typed, and you'll sign it
in the morning, all right?

A deal is a deal.

All right. All right,
all right, all right.

Don't be so angry.
Hmm?

Scott, this is
Coach Branch Kipp.

You've always been
a hero, Coach.

You know,
two Super Bowl championships

with all-white teams
is quite a feat.

It helps to have God
in the back field.

Bob Nixon, my pleasure.

- How is the Issel kid doing?
- Good.

- Promote him.
- He just started this week.

Promote him.

We have to make the San Marcos move
sooner than I thought.

I want his father in place.

I'll move him into
Jane Caldwell's department.

What do you think, Jack?

It's...

Perfect.

Yes, ma'am.

God, it's weird.

I'm only 29 years old

and I'm already head of Public Relations
and Communications.

- I must be blessed.
- You had a little help.

Bob! Oh, God,

I appreciate all you did.
You were fantastic.

Why don't I...

drop by your place tonight?

Oh, God, I'm up
to my ears tonight.

I've got departmental
meetings the whole week.

- When then?
- When?

When, when, when?
Let's see, let's see.

When, when, when, when?

How's the-- how's the first week
in September?

That's two months from now.

I'm up to my ears, Bob.

What do you want from me?

You are just screwing
your way to the top, aren't you?

I wouldn't be much of an executive
if I screwed my way to the bottom,

would I?

- Excuse me, sir, could you tell me--
- You!

- Sir?
- Yes, you, mister.

Do you work for this corporation
or are you a messenger?

My name is Rabinovich.
I'm a new recruit here.

You never wear brown shoes
with a blue suit, Mr. Rubinstein.

Well, I just did that--
it's Rabinovich, sir.

And you never, ever, ever

hold your glasses together
with tape and a paper clip.

- Mr. Rosenberg!
- I did this because they're broke--

- It's Rabinovich, sir.
- Glasses!

- Glasses?
- Now, now, now! Glasses!

Now, you have them fixed
by a licensed optometrist.

Shoes! Shoes, shoes, shoes!

Black only in this corporation,

Mr. Rubinstein.

- Is that for me?
- It's just a complaint.

By the way, you've been promoted
to Executive Assistant

Vice President of External
Information and Public Affairs.

This is just my first week.

You must have good friends upstairs
but don't get too excited.

It's the same job with 10% more salary
and 90% more title.

What on earth is
the Allenville 25,000?

Oh, that's the population
of the whole town.

- See, we're closing the plant.
- So?

Well, I just thought

maybe we should consider
the impact on the community.

Fine. Write up a report.

Write up a report?

Thank you.

Don't let them close Allenville.

Help keep American jobs
at home.

INC is working against
the interests of the American people.

Sorry, I already
gave him a quarter.

They are moving plants to
the Third World where labor is cheaper.

- Don't let them close-- Oh!
- Nice move.

- Oh, God.
- Hey!

Rachael!

Still protesting, huh?

You're really into this.

Sorry, I got mustard on your suit.

And I ordered this suit
ketchup only.

That's okay. That's fine.

- How have you been?
- Fine.

Don't let INC close Allenville.

- Do you eat here often?
- Save Allenville.

Food's not great, but I like it

because it's quiet.
You can talk.

- Ma'am, save Allenville.
- Did you decide about our lunch?

Look, you don't get it, do you?
I don't like you.

- Ah.
- I don't like your company,

I don't like what any
of you people stand for.

I don't stand for anything.

Oh, that's great.
That's something to be proud of.

No, no, I mean, I don't stand
for anything you think I stand for.

I stand for other things.

Oh, so what do you stand for?

Well...

honor, truth

and great sex.

And air conditioning

and life after death.

I'm in favor of life after death
with air conditioning.

- Ready?
- Yeah.

I hope your friend
knows how to play our game.

He doesn't have to.

Graduated first at MIT,

IQ of about 10,000.

That's INC's new fair-haired boy,
and they know it.

Take this, jerk.

Come on.

Come on, go!

- Are you okay, Conan?
- No sweat.

8-6.

Come on, come on.

Are you okay?

I just never played
full-contact racquetball before.

Come on.

You'll be okay.
Come on, let's get these guys.

Banzai!

Whoo! All right!

- Next one out.
- Keep it up! Keep going.

Damn it!

Shit!

Jesus, how did you miss that?

Damn!

Come on, come on!

- 15-12.
- All right!

Game and match.

Well, we beat them.

But we suffered.

You suffered. We beat them.

- What are you doing?
- I'm working.

You're bleeding is
what you're doing.

Excuse me.

It's 10:00 at night, you should be bleeding
on your own time.

There are a few things
I have to clear up before tomorrow.

I can't believe the man's
total devotion to his work.

To Rabinovich and Issel,

forever victorious, forever bold.

Look, they're just a few columns

I have to add up
before tomorrow, okay?

Look at your commitment.

I went through college
and business school

with someone else's notes
and a Xerox machine.

I've xeroxed my way
through life, Rabinovich.

"Do the minimum,
keep your old man off your back,

take the glorious path
of least resistance."

That's me.

Sounds all right,
if you can pull it off.

It scares the shit
out of me to think

I'm going to be
an executive here at 50.

It scares the shit
out of me to think

I won't be an executive here at 50.

Can I help you?

Yeah, they said you'd have
my business cards up here.

The name's Hudson,
John Hudson.

Let me check.

Whose are these?

Those are Mr. Rabinovich's.

Yours aren't here yet.

What's all this about?
Somebody fired?

No, they moved
Jack Issel up here from 29.

This is the Vice President's floor.

He got a promotion.

In one week?

In one goddamn week?

That's right.

This is
too great.

I don't understand this at all.

This is very strange.

Lesson number 23:
Don't try and figure them out.

If they give you something,
go for it.

Absolutely.

Mr. Rabinovich.

Two more luncheon specials
over here, please, Sacha.

- Thanks.
- Two more here also.

- Hey.
- How is it going?

- What happened?
- They fired him this morning.

Shoot my brains out.
Quicker, that'll be quicker.

No problem
for anybody. Bang.

Apparently, a letter
with his card enclosed

was dropped at the office
of the Saudi company

we do a lot of business with.

It said that INC wouldn't
boycott the Israelis

and that the Saudis could
go screw themselves.

- What?
- Well, the sheik freaked,

and Dantley had to get down
and kiss a whole lot of Saudi ass

to cool them out, and they
insisted Rabinovich be fired.

Who the hell would
put Rabinovich's card--

It's no longer an issue. Don't get involved if
you want to survive.

Coffee, coffee, coffee!

Now, now, now!

Move your goddamn ass!

Allow me.

Your coffee, sir.

Courtesy of Rabinovich.

And this is from me.

He'll need some
cream and sugar.

"Department...

Public Relations.

Subject: Allenville."

This is Word Processing
Input Unit 1205M...

Security check for floor--

at Public Relations,
Room 417, Jack Issel.

"Proposal:

Co-operative

plant ownership.

Objective:

Save the community,

enhance INC image

as 'the company

who cares about people."'

Right there, look.

"Cooperative plant ownership."

That does sound like some
sort of Communist thing to me.

What did I tell you?

- Are you Jack Issel?
- Yeah.

Security check.
Clear the files.

- Hey, what are you doing?
- Bag everything.

You want to tell me
what's going on?

What the hell is this?

It looks like a printout
of my Allenville report.

You'll have the workers
controlling the means of production.

and that is anti-profit,
which is anti-business,

which is
anti-INC International,

which is anti-American,
which is anti-Christian,

which is anti-life
and pro-abortion.

Hey, it was just a suggestion.

- A suggestion?
- What do you think?

If I had my way, I would
take you people into the street

- and have you shot.
- Shot?

Photos!

So, how is the work
going, Jack?

Work? Fine, good.
Very good.

I heard Security
ran a check on you.

Well, that's what
they called it, sir.

Very intense
sentiments, though.

Well, security is
an intense profession, Jack.

They get a bit
trigger-happy.

They thought some...

Allenville report
you wrote was subversive.

I straightened them out.

My God, your father's
a US senator.

I'm sure it was
all just some...

silly miscommunication, right?

I only thought that
if we could somehow

find a way
to help save the town,

we could really show
we were the company that cares,

like our TV ad says.
It's good PR.

TV isn't real life. Is it, Bob?

Oh, absolutely not real life, sir,

except perhaps the news.

And shows like "Real People."

Those amazing animals
are very real, sir.

I disagree.

- I think they set those animals up.
- I agree with you.

Jack, we want Allenville
to go down the tubes.

Down the tubes, sir?

We wanna lose our investment.

The plant depreciation allowance

nets us millions in tax refunds
if that town dies.

By the way, I hear Hoover's dying.
What's he got?

No one knows. He's being
tight-assed about the whole thing, sir.

How do you think
we should handle it?

With this new push
into Latin America,

I doubt he can handle
the whole division in his condition.

To be honest, couldn't have
handled it while he was alive.

He's not dead yet.
Right, Jack?

No, sir.

Oh, you know what I mean, sir.

In terms of company operating
procedure, he's de facto dead.

People are looking at me
like I'm already dead.

You told them, didn't you, Al?

Not a word. I swear
on my mother's grave.

If I'm lying, my wife and kids
should be tortured and killed today.

I'm ready to step in
when he dies.

- And if he doesn't die?
- Oh, I'm confident he will, sir.

What do you think, Jack?

Why don't you
just kill him, sir?

- No.
- No.

I told you to go out there

and listen to what
those protesters had to say,

not make some
lunatic suggestion...

using my computer key.

That could destroy everything
I've worked for in this company

and take me right back
to the steno pool.

Jane, I hope we
understand each other.

If anyone finds out
about this, I'm dead.

- Hi.
- Hi.

Jane,

what are you two doing here?

Isn't this my office?

That's funny.
I was in my office, in my bathroom,

and now I'm here in her office.

This is the sort of thing I hear

that happens
to people under stress.

How weird.

I've been under
a lot of pressure lately.

- Zip this up for me.
- Yes, ma'am.

This kind's easy to get off,
but a bugger to get on.

You've got a lot of hair here.

You think I'm
an A-one bitch, huh?

No, ma'am.

You know, we're all
the same up here,

except you call
the men tough,

and the women
bitches or worse.

What's your opinion?

I think you're...

very...

- Don't fall for it, Jack.
- No, ma'am.

For what?

Don't fall for the lie
we tell ourselves.

We're only doing
the dirty stuff

to get the power.

It will give us the freedom to do
all the good things we really want.

Then you get the power,

and you can't
goddamn remember

what it was you wanted
the freedom for in the first place.

# Looks like you need someone #

# Looks like you
could use somebody... #

- What are you listening to?
- Dylan.

# Don't you think that
you already said enough? #

# Doesn't your mouth
ever stop? #

- Look at these.
- Where did you get this?

Over there.

She was handing
them out by the door.

Where is she?

I guess, she's gone.
Sorry, man.

# There's something deep inside #

# That stays lonely forever #

# It's a sad but natural fact #

# It's just a waste of time #

-# Don't cry on your own shoulder... #
- Yeah, I was at the park.

- I'll see you later.
- Yeah, later.

# Don't cry
on your own shoulder... #

Hi.

Are you really handing these things
out on a Saturday night?

- Are you following me?
- Yes, I'm following you.

I thought
of everything you said,

and everything you stand for,

and I want to dance with you.

It's really nothing
personal, I just--

I don't dance
with company men.

I'm not a company man.

I'm going to be fired any day.

I really don't want to.

# Reach out for
yet another cigarette #

# Hoping it's the one #

# That helps you to forget #

# The sting of
remembering things #

# Was that the dreadful
siren's call? #

# Get up and watch
the buildings start to fall... #

Hey, do you realize
you're dancing

with the new
Corporate Vice President?

You did it, man.

He just got
promoted yesterday.

Promoted?

Just a second ago you told me
you were going to be fired.

I can explain that.

You see, it's just
a temporary promotion until I'm fired.

You're not gonna do that.

You're not going to--
you did it.

# It's a sad,
but natural fact... #

Thank you.

No, no.

You're going to die.

# You can't take it back #

# Only wasting time #

# Don't cry
on your own shoulder... #

What do you think, Jack?

Perfect.

Perfect.

That's perfect.

This is perfect.

I am perfect.

Since the 1984
oil discovery in New Guinea,

we have sold
the Bukias hill tribesmen

12 of our S-24 Sky Wolf
Super Pursuit Fighters.

At $21 million per unit.
That's $252 million.

This has started a local arms race
between the Bukias

and their local neighbors,
the Klaklalas.

Now, the Klaklalas
also happen to be sitting

on quite a large
amount of oil.

And the Klaklalas
now want to buy

20 of our new S-24/X-Ray

Ultra Pursuit Fighters
for $480 million.

What are the chances
of war between them?

Very good, sir. Our spare parts
replacement contracts

could be very lucrative.

Who trains
their flight personnel?

Well, as near
as we can assess it,

they don't actually
fly the planes.

They sort of
roll them down hills,

crashing them
into each other.

Personally, I think it's a shameful waste of
incredible kill power.

- Make the deal.
- Absolutely.

- Next.
- Mr. Chairman,

we are a company on the move.
I have two megastocks

and a super-promotional
idea that can bring INC

$500 million to $1 billion
in gross revenues.

That is not
about white power,

nor is it
about black power.

It is about
green power-- money!

M-O-N-E-Y.

We are talking about
geometric progression.

One, two, four, eight, sixteen!

The numbers boggle
the mind.

So, in conclusion,

all we have to do
is to get off the dime

and put the show
on the road.

Thank you very much.

Next.

Arthur W. Harris,
969 Columbus Avenue,

security guard,
unemployed.

Single unit
baby blue Princess model

three months overdue
on a balance of $188.64.

Disconnect.

Why does Mr. Helmes
review individual phone bills?

He feels it keeps him
in touch with the people.

...employed, wall unit
push-button black

- 25-foot flexicord, 10 weeks overdue--
- Not him again.

10 weeks overdue

on a balance of $154.88.

Disconnect.

He does claim the check is
in the mail, sir.

We own the goddamn
mail service.

I know what's in it
and what's not,

and his check
is not in my mail. Disconnect.

Next.

We're all set
to close Allenville...

Friday.

Do you expect
any trouble down there?

Nothing to speak of,

TV cameras and the handful
of the usual protesters.

Maybe we ought to
send somebody down there

to tell our side
of the story.

Exactly what is our side
of the Allenville story?

We're losing money
hand over fist.

That's not true.

No, but it's
our side of the story.

Lesson number 47:

There are no truths,
only stories.

Just let me
do the talking.

Max,

do you ever think there's something
profoundly wrong with the world

when a company
like ours produces

hair removal cream
and nuclear warheads?

No.

- Sal, you want a hit?
- No, thanks, sir.

I'm getting a pretty good
contact high as it is.

# I am Pilate and Jesus #

# And I wept
and Lennon died #

# Yet I envied
his assailant #

# When I visited
the shrine #

# I cried for all
those Beatles fans... #

Uh, Sal? Sal, isn't that
the Allenville exit we just passed?

I think you're right, sir.

Yeah, it said
Allenville, you know.

Uh...

I have a plan, sir.

I can go to the next exit
and whip around.

It would be no problem,
I think.

Great. Sal, keep your eye
on the road.

# Can't stay a boy #

# In no man's land... #

Great.

# I once hid
my lust for stardom #

-# Like a filthy magazine... #
- Sal, look,

isn't this the Allenville exit
coming up here again?

Sal...

Sir, I think
that was it again.

Yeah, I think so, man,
because it said, "Allenville."

I could back up, sir.

- No, no, no, I wouldn't.
- Don't do--

- I could back up.
- No, it's a bad idea.

No, it's cool, just go--

Sir, I could--
I could U-ey right here.

- No, no.
- That's okay, Sal, please.

There's not-- No, we're in--
We're only a half-hour late.

That's no problem.

This is death.
Let's get the hell outta here.

Jack, where are you going?
Jack! What are you doing?

Max, there's a very big
turnout here for us today.

Jack, get back in the car.
Get back in the--

- Sal.
- Yes, sir?

- Keep the motor running.
- Won't do that, sir, it could heat up.

- Sal, do me a favor.
- Sir?

Don't call me "sir." These people are going
to think I'm in charge.

- Call me Max.
- Max.

- Max.
- No problem, Max.

Are you from
the Allenville office?

- Yes.
- No, no.

Did you people expect
this sort of reaction?

- It's amazing. It's outrageous.
- Actually,

we expected people to be upset,

but we are not
anticipating any trouble.

What did I do?

- Well, well, you guys finally did it.
- Hi.

"The company who cares
about people," right?

Most of these people
will be on unemployment,

because there are
no other jobs in town.

When that fails, it's rough there
for the lucky ones who qualify.

Is it true that this plant is still
a viable operation,

and INC is relocating it to Central America
because labor is cheaper there?

- I think so.
- No.

Is it also true that INC stands
to gain more in tax write-offs

if the plants fails than if it
operates at a moderate profit?

- I think so.
- You think so?

You think so?
You're there to deny that shit!

Jack.

Doesn't INC have a moral
responsibility to these workers...

to keep this plant
and these jobs in the U.S.?

- Moral responsibility?
- Is that Jack?

- You haven't answered my question.
- Jesus Christ, it is Jack.

Does INC have a responsibility
to keep this town working?

- Jack!
- Well, in business school we learned

that the main goal of corporations is
to maximize profits and survive,

so they act in their
own self-interest.

- He hasn't been well!
- Self-interest?

What is that goddamn idiot
talking about?

What did that goddamn
son of a bitch say?

You're related
to Senator Jack Issel,

- is that right?
- No.

- Yes, I am.
- Son of a bitch.

- I'm his son.
- Lying goddamn bastard.

Are you people crazy?
I'm taking names.

Get out of here.
Look what you're doing.

This is marked up. It's a new paint job.
What's the matter with you?

So INC has no responsibility
to these people?

INC operates purely
on profit a motive.

- Jack.
- Pure self-interest, then?

- Absolutely.
- Thank you.

We should kill the bastard
that sent that moron out there.

In the old days I would have had
that son of a bitch in cement

and dumped into the river
before you can say Henry Ford.

Unfortunately, these are
the post-Watergate '80s.

- Well, then shoot him.
- Not a wise idea, sir.

I'm one of the most
powerful men in the world,

and if I can't have
someone shot,

then what the hell does it mean
to have power anymore?

We don't want to alienate
his father at this point.

Then fire that Commie,
but get him out of my company.

# Deep in the night
I'll be watching you... #

That limo cost $75,000.

Damn it, Jack, we went out there
to tell them our side of the story,

we didn't go out there
to tell them the truth.

They're going
to have my ass.

Thanks, honey.

- Come on.
- Okay.

- Yeah.
- Yeah, okay.

See you later. Take care, man.
Sorry about the car.

- I love you.
- I know you do. I love you too.

- Perfect.
- Perfect.

Okay,

you're going that way,

I'm going this way.

- Are you okay?
- Get serious.

- Are you okay?
- Lesson number 59...

- You're okay.
- Take off, Durango!

I'll see you tomorrow.

- So long, Maxie.
- So long, Jack.

Am I okay!?

# Doesn't matter #

# I'll never work again #

# Because I'm fired #

# And they are going to kill me #

# And then I'll be dead #

# How little we understand #

# What touches-- dancing-- #

I don't remember you at the bar.

I don't even know your name.

I never do this.

Hey, I know that face.

Come on, let me get you
out of these wet clothes.

I'm probably just another
cheap pick-up to you.

Another great-looking
piece of beefcake.

Another USDA
prime rib roast.

You know,

if I had any respect
for myself,

I'd walk right
out that door.

Wait a minute,
this is my place.

Sorry.

Lesson number one, Jack:
Beware of the furniture movers.

People see them coming
and they shit.

We want all the wallpaper,
the carpet,

and the upholstery redone.

Corporations have as much power
over our lives as the government.

But we can't vote
them out if we think

they don't represent
the public interest.

Corporations don't have to
tell us why they do what they do.

That's a fact
of American life,

but yesterday INC International
broke the rule.

When asked why
they closed their Allenville plant,

INC International
spokesman Jack Issel

didn't peddle
some PR sob story,

he told the truth,

"Corporations act
in their own self-interest."

Like it or not, that's a fact of life
in the free world,

and Mr. Issel had
the guts to say it.

For that, this reporter
gives INC International

10 out of 10 for honesty.

It's the same on all the stations.

He's like a national hero.

- Bring him to me.
- We just fired him.

I'll tell you, Jack, this stuff is
going to look pretty shabby

in your new office.
I'll get you a decorator.

I thought I was fired.

Fired? No, no, no.

Mr. Helmes was
very impressed

by the way you handled
those TV people.

He'd like to see you
at his house on Sunday.

I came on over and he's hanging
here in the middle of the room.

I think you found a home
for yourself here, Jack.

Yeah, they're cutting him
down right now.

Prime spot for Allenville
is San Marcos.

Cheap labor,
cheap and plentiful resources.

Only one hitch,

Telecore International has
President Sanchez in their pocket,

and they don't want any competition
from us. We're locked out.

Not if we get
to General Sepulveda.

He's Sanchez's right-hand man,
hungry for the top spot.

You're talking
about a coup, sir.

A coup?

I am simply saying

that we replace a general
sympathetic to Telecore's needs

with one sympathetic
to our needs.

That is not a coup.

It's just a realignment

of American interests abroad.

I think we want Washington
with us if things flare up.

Then we must meet
with Senator Issel.

You know, it wouldn't hurt to tie
his boy in right from the top.

What goes on at these
prayer breakfasts?

These guys fly in
in helicopters

and make speeches.
We pray to the gods.

- The gods?
- The gods of greed,

the gods of money,
the volcano god, the tree god.

Max, do you think I'm doing
the right thing here?

You know, I heard the Japanese
are working on a micro orgasm.

They keep promoting me.
I don't do anything!

It's revolutionary, soon you'll be
able to have group sex

on a silicon chip
no bigger than my fingernail.

Max, you're not
taking me seriously.

This place is
totally bananas.

Any reasonable,
normal person

would have quit a long time ago.
That's what worries me.

Relax, man.
What are you worried about?

Helmes has got
his eye on you.

You're in line
for another big promotion,

Yes, as soon as someone
drops dead, or jumps,

or maybe I'm supposed
to pull the trigger myself.

They are really doing it up there,
Max, and for what?

For money and power, Jack.
It's the American way.

Lesson number 79:

When the tough get going,
the weak get screwed.

I can't play it like that.

It's the only way
to play it, Jack.

What about you?

You're not like the rest of them.
How do you survive it?

I just go with the flow. I flipped out years
ago. I only look sane.

The secret is,
you've gotta be crazy

to maintain
your sanity up here,

but you're sane, Jack.

That's exactly why
you're going crazy.

Helmes invited me
to his house.

The house, tremendous.

Max, I feel like
I'm being pushed around

in some insane game.

Stop complaining.
You keep getting pushed up

when everybody else
gets pushed down.

Max, this man is
talking in German.

I never listen
to these guys anyway.

I hope you'll
come back for visits.

It will be deathly quiet
around here without you.

Shit, Albert, I can't come back
to this life anymore.

I'll miss that.

- Miss what?
- "Shit, Albert."

You are the only one in the family
who ever talked to me like that.

Yeah, I'll miss you, too,

but I gotta
get out of here.

My father,
he thinks I'm insane.

You know, he would love
to have me put away in some asylum

just because I don't
think like he does.

Do you know that he virtually refuses
to admit I even exist anymore?

I'm gonna get
my junk together.

These are perfect
instruments, Jack.

Stradivariuses run,
oh, $300,000

to well over
$1 million apiece.

Here, hold that one.

Feel the quality.

It almost pulsates,
doesn't it?

I've never been
this close to one before, sir.

Do you like good music?

Oh, yes, sir.

So do I.

Oh my God.

Look, l-- I'm really sorry.

Another Stradivarius.

These are not
Stradivariuses, Jack.

These are Polyvariuses.

Perfect polyurethane copies.

We begin mass production
in the fall.

It sounds like a Stradivarius,

it looks like a Stradivarius,

it smells like a Stradivarius,

and...

at $49.95,

that is one hell of a savings
for the public.

Perfection,

that's what we're after, Jack.

We're doing God's work, son.

The Third World, Jack,

the last frontier.

That's where
the Allenville plant is going.

The corporation that
controls the Third World

in the next century, Jack,

controls the globe.
Think of that.

One world economy under INC,

one corporation under God,

one moral, spiritual,
economic unity.

Sounds like very big stuff, sir.

Very big stuff, Jack.

San Marcos's ruling
Democratic Party.

This is General Sanchez.
He lacks vision.

This is General Sepulveda.

He has vision.

- I want you to meet with Sepulveda.
- Me?

They're touring
the United States this week,

meeting business leaders.

You're invited to a reception
at their consulate.

Sir, why me?

I'm terrible with generals.

Instinct, Jack.

My nose tells me,

you are right for this.

Is this the new car, Sal?

Yes, sir. $84,000.

Nothing is going to
happen to this one, sir.

Bulletproof glass,

reinforced steel beams,

quadraphonic sound.

I just got the new Julio Iglesias tape.
Want to hear it?

Not right now, Sal.

That case is for you, sir.

It's supposed to be delivered
to a General Sepulveda.

You know where
their consulate is, Sal?

That's it right there, sir.

- This is our office.
- Yes, sir.

You mean, their consulate is
in our building?

That's right, sir.
They rent two floors,

the fourth and the 109th.
They're always on the elevators.

I'm going to take you
around the corner, sir.

Drop you off at front.

- Wait for me here, Sal.
- I don't think so, sir.

I'm going to go
have a slice of pizza,

I'll meet you on the other side
of the building.

I'm going to park this
where it's safe.

I think you owe me
an explanation.

Ah, Old Blue Eyes is back.

What were you doing
in Helmes's house?

He's my father.

He's your father?
You're Helmes's daughter.

That's perfect.
That's perfect.

You've been a company man
all along, Jack.

You march around here like
one of the oppressed masses,

when your old man
is worth 80 zillion bucks.

At least I'm not pretending
to be somebody I'm not.

I rejected the money.

Besides, I don't have
to justify my life

to someone who's dressed
like Wayne Newton.

This is crazy, and this is
escalating way out of control.

Hold on a second.
Wait a minute.

This invitation is for two.

You think I'm going to go up there
with you and have dinner?

Your company is
upstairs there tonight,

entertaining General Sanchez
and his pack of murderers,

and you expect me
to go up there--

You can protest down here
until you're blue in the face,

or you can find out what's
really going on up there

in the belly of the beast.

I can't go up there with you.

- No guts, huh?
- No clothes.

Look, if you're afraid,
I'll understand.

Afraid? Wait a minute.

What are you doing?

- I think I can make this work.
- Oh...

- Come on.
- What is this?

Stand here.
Turn around.

- Turn around.
- Oh, no.

Here, hold this.

I don't believe--
I don't believe you're doing this.

And that.

You look great.

Now, ladies
and gentlemen,

INC Defense Industries
proudly presents

their new line of small arms
for what could be

a very, very hot summer
in Central America.

Hey, let's meet Chuck, shall we?

Cool and dry in his
green-tree camel fatigues.

Chuck tracks
terrorists by night,

with his 9mm silenced
TK assault rifle.

Now, here's Johnny!

But don't
get too close,

because Johnny's
equipped with an incredible

C-3 MG 9mm freeze gun.

We have a very nasty
terrorist problem in San Marcos,

- don't we, Senator?
- Mm-hmm.

If the army had the guns,
we might be able to stop the killing.

It's a bitch of a problem,
isn't it, Jack?

Well, actually,
I've been reading

that it's the army
that's doing most of the killing.

Huh.

Jack, the army has been
busting its ass

to eliminate
the murder and the torture,

and the human rights
violations down there.

Leftwing terrorists
fire-bombed

our 26th Mr. Chicken franchise
just yesterday.

The Marxists are denying

the people of Latin America

their right to eat Mr. Chicken,

and they're
denying Mr. Chicken

his human right to franchise

and make a profit.

Well, I sure as hell don't want
some made-in-Moscow Mr. Cabbage Rolls

shoved down my throat
against my will.

Absolutely,
those peasants deserve

the dignity and human right
to eat Mr. Chicken

- when and where they please.
- And Jack,

when that right is threatened
in the Western Hemisphere,

it becomes
a national security issue

for the United
States of America.

We're talking of the very survival
of the entire concept

of internationally
franchised chicken, Jack.

You've got work to do.

And now, ladies
and gentlemen,

a toast from General Sanchez.

Totalitarianism, no!

Authoritarianism, s�!

Totalitarianism, no!

Authoritarianism, s�!

I enjoyed your company's
little fashion show, se�or.

Now, business, huh?

Very nice, huh?

Just like a big drug deal,
huh, se�or?

Drug deal?

I was joking, se�or.

It was a joke, huh?

I never dealt dope
in my life!

That freighter off Miami, it was
in my cousin's name. I knew nothing.

I didn't say--

You Americans think you can
buy us just like that, huh?

You and your self-righteous
democracy.

You have democracy, my little friend,
because you are rich.

You can afford both
the Mercedes and the free press.

We in San Marcos
are poor, se�or.

We can afford only one--

the Mercedes.

What?

Put that back!

This is not time
for foolish heroics, se�or.

- This is business.
- Jack, they've got guns.

- The money.
- Just give them the money.

Don't worry, this is
the United States of America.

Nobody is going to shoot anybody
in the middle of downtown.

Shoot them.

The money, se�or.

Oh, I'm glad
you two are all right.

- Jack, give the general his money.
- His money?

Let me talk to him in private.

Jack,

I'm afraid you are
in a tight spot here.

What do you mean?

Even though this
is our building,

this is their
embassy floor.

They're not subject to our laws here. And
they're trigger-happy.

We are dealing
with a race of people

who just don't put the same price
on human life as we do.

But I've got you off the hook.

What the hell are
you talking about?

General Sanchez and I
have decided

that we can do business
together after all.

You mean, you could
have stopped all this?

It's always good
to show these people

just how far
you're willing to go.

Makes them nervous,
gives us negotiating leverage.

Now, what do you say,
the money?

I say you two guys are

two of the biggest
assholes I've ever met.

You're way
out of line, mister.

Jack, this is a very complicated
foreign policy issue.

I call it complicated
horseshit, sir.

You just wanna
buy yourself a country,

like it was
a stolen TV set.

Then you launder
the hot goods

through something
you call "foreign policy."

My God,
America's a democracy.

We're not some international
fried chicken chain.

Give me the money, Jack.

Let's get the hell outta here.

Oh, my God, push!

- Oh God, oh come on!
- Push it harder. Push harder!

- You try it!
- There!

- I loosened it.
- Alto!

Stop them!

103, problem--

We have a security
breach on 109.

Jack, this is
Major Hammel!

Drop the money
and nothing will happen to you!

All they want is
their money. Just drop it!

I'm not dropping
$2 million in cash.

They're in the stairwells.

Hold it there!

Dogs? This is insane!

No response
to K-9 units. Come in.

They're on
the executive floors.

In there.

Oh, God.

Issel's gone.
I want his division.

- Xerox his files, get his Rolodex,
- Sir.

- copy his computer tapes.
- Sir.

- You can have his parking space.
- Thank you.

There are two unidentified objects
on stairwell 69D.

Sex without emotional content is

a hollow, empty experience.

The number you have dialed
is no longer in service.

- What are you doing with that gun?
- I just shot a phone.

I can't believe this.
I can't believe this!

Typical male response!
They shoot at you, you shoot at them,

and the violence just
escalates and escalates.

- I'm having nothing to do with this!
- Hey!

No way!
You are incredible!

My gun.

Ow!

Pretty nice, huh?

You wanna sit in it?
You wanna sit in it?

No, that's okay.

I've got the latest
Julio Iglesias tape.

Manhattan Transfer?

Abba, you like Abba?
Don Ho?

In here, come on.

Storage area
has been breached.

They're on the storage floor.

Freeze!

Don't turn around.

I told you not
to turn around.

Oh God. Oh God!

There they are!

- Where'd they go?
- I don't know.

Oh, boy, no brakes.

- We got a problem.
- Oh, shit!

Jump! Jump!

Holy shit!

- You know what I mean?
- I know what you mean, Max.

Look out. Look out!

Max!

Run, Jack, run!

I'll call you in the morning.

My tapes,

my Julio Iglesias tapes ruined!

Free San Marcos!

- Where are we going?
- Just follow me.

Where are we going?

Anything will help.
We'll take checks or cash.

This is cash from INC,

from Mr. Helmes himself.

There were
a few changes at INC

after the Night of the Generals.

Mr. Helmes, are you now,

or have you ever been a member
of the Communist Party?

Of course not, you idiot!

Then why did your company
contribute over $2 million

to a Central American organization
whose aim is to overthrow--

I'm a Christian.
I'm a businessman.

I refuse to recognize
this illegal committee!

Chairman Helmes was forced
to resign from the company

due to suspected Communist
activities and mental incapacity.

This left Rachael in control

of 780,000 shares

of her father's INC stock.

This... really happened?

It did.

Well, God can be a great guy.

Hey, don't you
have to get to work?

Oh my God. God can also
throw some heavy curves.

Sal, wasn't that our building
you just passed?

Yes, sir.
I have a plan, sir.

I'm going to hang a louie
at the Prudential building.

Then I'm going
to circle around,

go between Marina Towers.
I'm going to dive--

dive right between them,
down Michigan,

then turn right,
go past Marshall Fields--

We can check out the windows,
I hear they've got a big sale--

then I come up on our building
from behind. It's going to be great.

Whatever you say, Sal.

# Late at night #

# I can't wait
to close my eyes #

# 'Cause there's
a chance you might #

# Come into my life #

# If it's only
for a moment #

# I just can't bear #

# The thought of you
not there #

# You're in my dreams #

# Surreal, surreal #

# You're in my dreams #

# Surreal, surreal #

# I can almost feel #

# You're in my dreams #

# Day-- daydreamer #

# Always on my mind #

# Dream believer #

# You're
so hard to find #

# It's only
for a moment #

# I just don't care #

# I see you everywhere #

# You're in my dreams #

# Surreal, surreal #

# You're in my dreams #

# Surreal, surreal #

# I can almost feel
you in my dreams #

# Late at night #

# I can't wait
to close my eyes #

# 'Cause there's
a chance I might #

# Come to realize #

# I can see forever
our love won't die #

# Sometimes I wonder why #

# You're in my dreams #

# Surreal, surreal #

# You're in my dreams #

# Surreal, surreal #

# I can almost feel you
in my dreams #

# Surreal, surreal #

# You're in my dreams #

# Surreal, surreal #

# I can almost feel you
in my dreams #

# Surreal, surreal #

# You're in my dreams #

# Surreal, surreal #

# I can almost feel you
in my dreams. #