Original subtitles

♪♪

♪ I bet we've been together for a million years ♪

♪ And I bet we'll be together for a million more ♪

♪ Oh, it's like I started breathing ♪

♪ On the night we kissed ♪

♪ And I can't remember what I ever did before ♪

♪ What would we do, baby, without us? ♪

♪ What would we do, baby, without us? ♪

♪ And there ain't no nothing we can't love each other through ♪

♪ What would we do, baby, without us? ♪

♪ Sha-la-la-la. ♪

Jennifer? Jen, you're not gonna believe this.

I'm so excited.

I was up in the attic, and I found this shoe box.

Congratulations, Mal.

It's a real nice one.

No, you don't understand.

It's full of Mom and Dad's old love letters.

What's a love letter?

It's a really mushy letter you send someone

to tell them how much you love them.

I want to write one to Rachel Feltman.

I love her.

Who's she?

She's a girl in my class.

She's only five, but I don't care...

I like 'em young.

No, wait, listen, listen, listen.

"My dearest, sweetest lambikens...

"you were so beautiful last night

"when we took over the administration building.

"Your lustrous skin was made even more luminous

- Oh. Hi, guys. - By the rosy..." Oh!

- Nothing! Um, it's n... - Yeah, nothing, Mom.

Nothing. Nothing.

Yeah. Nothing, lambikens.

Hey, listen... Hi. Lauren's car just pulled up,

and I want to talk to you guys

about something before she comes in.

Wow, I haven't seen Lauren around here lately.

Yeah, see, that's what I want to talk to you about.

She's been having a lot of trouble with her senior thesis,

and-and she's feeling kind of down about it.

So whatever you do,

don't mention the word "psychology"

or "thesis."

- Hi. - Hey.

- Hi, Lauren. - Hi.

Hey, Lauren! How's that senior psychology thesis?

Dad, Dad...

Alex asked us not to mention anything

about her senior thesis.

Why can't we say anything about your senior thesis?

Because she's having trouble with it.

Well, trouble with what?

Her senior thesis!

I want to thank you all very much.

You pulled that off beautifully.

I appreciate your concern, but actually,

this thesis thing, it's no big deal.

Really? I hear you're having trouble with it.

Honey, come on. Let's not think

about that nasty thesis, okay?

Bad thesis!

Let's... let's talk about us, okay?

How long it's been since we've seen each other,

what a great time we're gonna have tonight,

nice movie, fancy dinner... I'll even lend you the money.

Listen, Lauren, if you don't like your topic,

I've got one for you. A friend of mine

last year at Grant did her psychology thesis

on "Intimacy Problems Between Capricorns and Pisces

During the Holidays."

She got an "A."

I don't know if I can change my topic now.

I've been researching this one for over two years.

Well, how much have you written so far?

A page and a half.

Oh, yeah. If you've written that much,

you can't turn back now.

Hey, surprise.

Oh, Alex, I'm so glad you're here! Mm!

- Whoa. Hey. - Oh! I'm sorry I had to cancel

- that date last night. - No, that's all right,

that's okay... I went to the movies with Skippy.

You know... Fatal Attraction with Skippy

takes on a whole new meaning.

- Mmm! - I probably should have gone.

- As it is, I got nothing done. - Ah, really?

Yeah. You know, I look at these mice,

running like crazy on that wheel and getting nowhere.

I think, how different am I from a mouse?

You don't sit in your food.

I had a meeting with Professor Lombard this morning.

I showed her what I had on my thesis so far,

- and she was disappointed. - Oh.

"This thesis will explore the following areas of behavior.

"One... spend more time with Alex.

"Two... go out more with Alex.

Three... talk more with Alex."

Honey, this is brilliant.

That's not it. That's the chapter I'm writing now.

I'm thinking of calling it "Things I Can Do With Alex

If I Quit My Thesis."

That's a snappy title.

You're not really thinking of quitting your thesis, are you?

What would be so wrong with that?

I-I could go back to my old life,

a life that I liked very much.

I could spend more time with you.

I could care for you and-and nurture you

and watch over you.

I could devote myself to you, and make sure

that you're as happy and as contented

as a human being could possibly be.

If that would make you happy.

It would. I really want to quit.

D-Don't you think it's a good idea?

I can't say. I mean, that's your decision.

All right, then fine...

I'm quitting!

Oh, Alex, I-I feel like an enormous weight's

been lifted from me.

I'm free!

Does that mean you can go out with me tonight?

Are you kidding? We're gonna celebrate.

- Mm! Come on. - Mm!

I quit!

Do you hear that, Sigmund?

I quit!

Now I'm gonna devote all my time and energy

to making you happy. Mm!

Glad I stopped by.

Hi. Hey, what are you two doing?

We're writing another love letter to Rachel Feltman.

Another one?

What'd she think of the first one?

She hit me.

It's a start.

The letter made Margie Phillips cry.

Why?

Because Margie loves me, but I don't love Margie.

I love Rachel. Rachel loves Clint Eastwood.

She claims they've dated.

Well, Andy, maybe I can help you

win the heart of your fair Rachel.

You probably don't know this, but in my day

I was quite the love letter writer myself.

Isn't that true...

my lovely...

my golden-haired,

gossamer angel?

Yes.

Write this down! It's working!

My sweet...

each breath seems a lifetime when I'm away from you.

I'd walk miles across desert sands...

for one glimpse...

- of your rare beauty. - Ooh.

- Oh, well, we were just, uh... - Mom,

hey, no need to explain, okay?

I understand.

It's tough to keep the excitement alive.

Oh, come on, now, Alex,

I've seen you and Lauren get pretty mushy together.

Yeah, well, it's different, Mom... we're young.

Mush looks good on us.

Well, you've enjoyed being together

- with Lauren again, though, haven't you? - I can't lie

to you, Mom. You know, Lauren quitting

this thesis is the best thing that ever happened to me.

Better than Nixon's pardon?

That was more emotional, of course.

But this is beyond my wildest dreams.

And-and Lauren is doing all this great stuff for me.

She even baked me a cake and decorated it.

It was a scale model of the floor of the stock exchange.

Done entirely in frosting.

Tiny edible dollars.

Little angry traders.

Oh, well, as long as she's using her time wisely.

Ooh. Do I detect a note of condescension in your voice?

Ooh. Certainly not.

Hey, Mom, when I met Lauren, I was willing to put up

with the professional career woman syndrome.

I mean, you suffer from that yourself, don't you, Mom?

Yes, and I'm getting help.

I lucked out, that's all.

I mean, you know, Lauren decided she doesn't want a career,

so I get the best of both worlds...

I get a smart girl who doesn't show it.

Face powder directly on the lips?

Yes.

Then apply the lipstick, okay?

And blot it a little bit.

Then put your lip gloss on, and you're practically smudge-proof.

- That's great. - Yeah.

Alex, you wouldn't believe the things Mallory knows.

No argument there.

Hey, Mom,

come on up... I want to show you

these new red sneakers I just bought.

I thought you just bought some red sneakers last week.

No, these are high-tops; they're for evening.

So, did you have a good day today, honey?

Oh, yeah, not bad, not bad.

I finally finished that economics paper.

Um... what'd you do?

Oh, not much. I rested.

Saw a really good Wheel of Fortune on TV.

Great, great.

So, oh, did you interview for that teaching job

you were talking about?

Well, not really. There were about a hundred

other people applying... I can't compete with that.

Why not?

Because I don't want to.

Besides, I've been thinking,

if the purpose in life is to be happy,

why should I do anything that doesn't make me happy?

Right, right. I guess I can't argue with that.

I want to learn gourmet cooking.

I want to learn bonsai gardening.

I want to learn pebble art.

Aha!

But you're not ruling out this teaching job entirely, are you?

It won't make me happy. I'm happy doing this.

And if I need money, I'll just go on Wheel of Fortune.

Aha.

Alex, if I get a job,

I may not be here for you when you need me.

Don't you understand?

I want to spend every second with you...

Starting now.

Hi.

Thanks.

This is working out fine.

Dad, will you check this letter for spelling?

Yeah.

"Dear Rachel, you have nice logs."

I meant legs.

Well, you should change that.

No, she has nice logs, too.

Sounds like the basis of a good relationship.

Come on, Andy, let's go deliver your letter to Rachel.

Mrs. Keaton,

thanks for letting me go through your recipe file.

Oh, yeah, well, since you're making this big dinner for Alex,

I thought it might help if you knew

some of his favorite dishes.

Yeah. Tonight I'm making

Nancy Reagan's Hearty Beef Stew,

for conservative cowboys and ravenous Republicans.

Mmm.

Lauren, I am really

impressed.

I mean, I could never make a beef stew.

I wouldn't know the first thing to go into it.

Well, beef.

Oh, right!

I'm so excited.

I-I just love to cook, but I haven't had time until now.

So you're really glad you dropped your thesis, right?

Oh, yes. What a relief!

You know, all that time I spent studying,

I felt like I was banging my head against the wall.

Oh, you do that, too?

It just wasn't right for me.

You know, sometimes people make the wrong choices.

Like... in the Days of Our Children. Do you watch?

Oh, the soap opera. Yeah, yeah.

It's like how Zander keeps trying to please Reef,

but she'd be better off with Skyler.

Well, I think she should be with Brick.

No, he's got a new girlfriend... Cashmere.

Oh, I love her!

Well, I'd better get the groceries for tonight.

Tell Alex I'll see him at dinner.

Oh, yeah, and I'll see you Friday

for that makeover lesson.

- Hey.-Oh, Alex, you can go grocery shopping with me.

Oh, honey, listen,

I'm-I'm getting a little tired of grocery shopping.

Oh, come on. It's fun.

You like it when I wheel you around in that cart.

You know, Alex, you really should go.

Nick and I always have a lot of fun grocery shopping.

Well, we... well, we go up to the deli counter,

and we each take a number, and we run!

Well...

can you imagine the looks on their faces

when they call our numbers, and we're not there?!

You two have such a full life.

Oh, Alex, let's do that.

Honey!

I'm, uh... I'm not in the mood for deli pranks.

Okay, if you don't want to go,

but I'm gonna miss you every minute.

All right.

Hmm.

I can't believe what's happening.

I now have a woman who runs errands for me

and-and cooks for me and takes care of me.

I mean, it's everything I ever wanted,

and I... and I can't stand it.

Do you think there's something wrong with me?

Um... generally speaking?

Mallory... tell me something.

Do you notice anything different about Lauren?

Well, she's definitely dressing better.

And she seems to know a lot more.

I mean, about important things.

So you two are having a lot of fun together?

Oh, I've never gotten along with her better.

We're like one and the same now.

That's what I was afraid of.

Wow.

Okay, this is your night,

so I just want you to sit down and relax.

Oh, and I have the evening edition

of the paper for you to read while I'm busy with dinner.

Mmm.

Okay. Uh, honey? Honey?

Honey, um, I would really rather just chat.

Well, it's not just dinner, Alex.

I'm also doing some laundry for you,

arranging some flowers

and putting the final touches on dessert.

What is this, the Betty Crockerathon?

Lauren, sit down, talk to me.

What do you want to talk about?

How about, uh...

how about those election primaries, huh?

Oh, Alex, I don't read the paper anymore.

There's so much sad news in it.

I just want to be happy.

Yeah, well, honey,

it's important to keep up with what's going on in the world.

I mean, for example... for...

For example, uh...

do you see about this development

in-in the Persian Gulf?

Yes, I did, and I'm really mad about it.

You are? Fabulous. Great.

What are you mad about?

Um, U.S. involvement? Iranian aggression?

What? Tell me. Tell me.

I'm mad that that stupid news report broke

in the middle of Days of Our Children.

Right there when Zander was about to tell Reef

that Brick and Cashmere were trying to frame Skyler

for Nicole's murder.

Oh, Alex, what's wrong?

Honey, don't-don't you miss your old life?

Your thesis, the lab, the work?

The-the-the... the feeling that you got

when you learned something new, something real?

Look, I thought you wanted me to drop my thesis.

I... I know. I did.

I... Maybe I was wrong.

You have so much to offer.

You know, you should be doing more

than watching soap operas and clipping recipes.

But they're good recipes, Alex.

Lauren, look at yourself.

You are frittering your life away on these things.

Don't you get tired of doing the same thing

day after day and not accomplishing anything?

Don't you appreciate all that I've done?

The errand running? The cooking?

- It's all for you. - Oh.

Is-is it so bad that I want

to spend my time with you and make you happy?

What about you?

What about making yourself happy?

I mean... you're using me as an excuse.

- I am not. - Admit it!

You spend all your time watching TV!

Playing along with Wheel of Fortune!

All right, may-maybe you're right.

Maybe I have been watching too much TV.

I'll stop... and I'll spend more time with you, okay?

Okay, look, just stop trying to please me

by satisfying my every whim!

I can't believe I just said that.

Alex, this isn't that big of a problem.

It is. It is.

You don't see it.

Lauren, you're hiding.

You're hiding from the real world.

You quit more than your thesis, Lauren.

You quit life.

I love you, but...

not like this, not the way you are right now.

Lauren? Lauren?

Leave me alone.

Hi, Alex.

Hi, Andy. So,

Mom tells me you're writing a new love letter to Rachel.

How did that go?

She pushed me into a hedge.

She's quite a charmer.

But Margie Phillips was there, and she helped me up.

- Ah, that's good. - She loves me.

Now I love Margie, not Rachel.

Ah, so let me guess.

So now you're writing a love letter to Margie.

That's right. Could you help me?

Absolutely. Absolutely.

What have you got so far?

"Dear Margie."

That's good. That's good.

That's good. I mean, it's a start.

I didn't want to come on too strong.

But there's a lot more to say, you know.

Like, um...

"Thanks for helping me out of the hedge."

And, also, "My dear Margie,

"I'm sorry that I didn't pay more attention to you.

"Sorry for a lot of things.

"When you ran out of the room tonight, I... my heart sank.

"I love you. I want to be with you.

But your thesis is important."

Yeah, that's good. Margie will like that.

Hey, any word from Lauren?

Uh... no.

No, I don't... think I'll be hearing from Lauren too soon.

Well, honey, I know it was tough, but...

but what you did tonight...

You know, trying to wake Lauren up...

Was a... was a very brave and selfless thing to do.

Actually, it was a very feminist thing to do.

Oh, kick me while I'm down.

Well, maybe you actually learned something from this.

What, Mom? What did I learn?

That maybe you don't want to settle

for a-a... an empty-headed, ditsy little cream puff

who's at your beck and call.

Maybe just on weekends?

No, Alex. You know, I-I...

Under this buttoned-up, macho exterior,

you don't really believe that.

You're not going to be happy unless you're with a woman

who is... who is strong and vibrant.

Someone who's an equal partner, someone you can talk to.

You're right, Mom.

And I blame you.

Then my work here is done.

- Hi. - Hi.

I forgot to put the fabric softener in the laundry.

You're going to have some wicked static cling in your socks.

Alex...

what you said tonight cut awfully deep.

It really hurt.

I know.

It wasn't easy to say.

But I had to... because I care about you,

and I couldn't stand to see what was happening with you.

Alex... I feel like I'm alone out here on this one.

You know, I'm the first woman in my family ever to go to college.

Be a lot easier if I just had a role model.

Sometimes I-I feel like I'm flapping my wings furiously,

not knowing if I'm doing it right,

because no one ever taught me how to fly.

Role models are important.

I know, when I'm in a situation,

I always think,

"I wonder what my parents would do?"

Then I do the opposite.

Alex, it's different with you.

You've always been confident.

I remember our first date.

You looked at me tenderly and said,

"Do you know what's great about me?"

You talked for six hours non-stop.

You didn't even notice me leave.

Then you still don't know what's great about me.

I know what's great about you.

You're smart, you're understanding.

Ruggedly handsome.

It's funny. When-when I was little,

I always pictured my future as living in a nice house

and a garden and a couple of kids.

And even though I knew I wanted a career,

it was really never a part of my life vision.

When I was a little kid,

I always wanted to be supreme ruler of the universe.

Alex, that's still your dream, isn't it?

Yeah, but it doesn't seem like enough now.

You know what my problem is?

I've got a father complex.

I-I was always daddy's little girl,

and he always overprotected me.

And now, I'm trying

to continue that personality dynamic with you.

Excuse me,

but did I just hear you say something psychoanalytical?

I guess so. It just kind of came out.

Oh, that's great!

Oh, it's great.

Alex, I know I have to continue on with my thesis, but what...

I'm scared. What if I fail?

Hey, hey, you got to take that risk.

Will you help me?

No.

But... but I'll be there to support you.

I get it.

Hey, uh, this doesn't mean

that you still can't dote on me, you know?

Sit, Ubu, sit. Good dog.