Original subtitles

♪♪

♪ I bet we've been together for a million years ♪

♪ And I bet we'll be together for a million more ♪

♪ Oh, it's like I started breathing ♪

♪ On the night we kissed ♪

♪ And I can't remember what I ever did before ♪

♪ What would we do, baby, without us? ♪

♪ And there ain't no nothing we can't love each other through ♪

♪ What would we do, baby, without us? ♪

♪ Sha-la-la-la. ♪

First batch is done.

Oh, boy, these look great!

This is the best batch of Christmas cookies

to come out of the Keaton kitchen.

Wait a minute, wait a minute.

What's this one?

Well, where did that come from?

Alex made me do it.

I think Alex gets a little too caught up

in the Christmas spirit, don't you?

Well, I don't know about him, but I sure do.

Smell of cookies

and hot cider and warm dollar signs.

And Christmas carols!

♪ Jingle bells, jingle bells ♪

♪ Jingle all the way ♪

♪ Oh, what fun it is to ride in a one-horse open sleigh ♪

Hey.

♪ Jingle bells, jingle bells ♪

♪ Jingle all the way ♪

♪ Oh, what fun it is to ride in a one-horse open sleigh ♪

- Hey! - ♪ Dashing through the snow ♪

♪ In a one-horse open sleigh ♪

♪ O'er the fields we go ♪

- ♪ Laughing all the way... ♪ - Ha-ha-ha!

Uh... I like the ha-ha-ha part.

♪ Bells on bobtail ring ♪

♪ Making spirits bright ♪

♪ What fun it is to ride and sing ♪

♪ A sleighing song tonight ♪

♪ Oh! Jingle bells, jingle bells ♪

♪ Jingle all the way ♪

♪ Oh, what fun it is to ride in a one-horse open sleigh ♪

- Hey! - ♪ Jingle bells, jingle bells ♪

♪ Jingle all the way ♪

♪ Oh, what fun... ♪

Hold it, hold it, hold it, hold it, hold it.

The traditional end of fun has arrived.

No, no, I mean, I love Christmas as much as the next guy.

I just don't know how you can celebrate joyously

when holiday retail sales are down by four percent.

Alex, you got your annual card from the Reagans.

"Dear Alex, how are we doing?"

A card? That's it?

I sent them jams and jellies.

I got a Christmas card the other day

from the Psychology Club of America.

It said, "Have a well-adjusted Christmas,

and a normal New Year."

Oh, listen, I'm gonna go over

to Mr. Krewson's and place our order for a Christmas tree.

Anybody want to come?

Oh, Steven, I thought we agreed

to go somewhere else for our tree this year.

- Why? - Because, Dad, Mr. Krewson's

trees are terrible.

They look like hat racks.

Look, Mr. Krewson is one of the last remaining

independent Christmas tree distributors in Ohio.

It's our duty to keep guys like him in business.

Yeah, I like Krewson's.

Is-Isn't he the guy with the shack

and those scrawny little dried-out dwarf trees?

Well... right, right.

I always wondered who bought trees there.

Now you know.

Look, I talked to Krewson, he said he'd get us

a great tree this year.

I want to give him a chance to come through.

Now, who's coming with me?

I'll go, Dad.

I would like to see trees that I'm taller than.

Yeah, I'll go with you too, Mr. Keaton.

Well, that's very nice of you, Nick.

Right in the tradition of brotherhood

and good will towards men.

Well, you know, I figured it was the least I could do,

I mean, since I'm spending Christmas with you.

Yeah! What?

- Happy, happy, everybody! - Hey, Skip.

Alex, I need a Christmas favor from you.

You know how I usually play Santa Claus down at the mall?

- Uh-huh. - Well, I got to get out of it.

Why, you going out of town this year?

No, I'm going to be the Abominable Snowman

over at the Pearl Ridge Shopping Center.

It pays less, but it's a real career move for me.

It helps round out my resume, and it gives me that in

for that big Easter Bunny job I've been looking for.

You want Alex to play Santa Claus?

He'll traumatize an entire generation of young children.

Hey, don't worry about it.

I got better things to do than say "Ho, ho, ho!"

to a bunch of spoiled, greedy little kids.

Pays $10 an hour.

Ho, ho, ho! Ho, ho.

Okay, now, we're forgetting about the finger paints.

We're forgetting about the Lego set.

Instead...

Santa is gonna bring you 100 shares of Aramco Petroleum.

Now, Santa invests heavily in this, and, uh... ho, ho, ho!

Santa has done very well.

Thank you, Santa.

Well, you're welcome, honey.

There you go. Merry Christmas.

Bush in '88.

Okay, who's next? How are you this Christmas?

I'm not talking to any elf.

I want the big guy.

Now, Eddie... be nice.

I'm always nice!

Hey, Kringle, let's get this show on the road.

Okay, Eddie.

Come here. There you go.

Okay, just sit right here

and tell me what you want for Christmas.

Okay, Santa, here we go. I want...

Whoa, whoa, hold it, hold it, hold it, hold it, hold it...

Uh...

Okay, shoot.

Okay, Santa, I want a fire truck, a baseball mitt,

a train set, a robot, a bicycle, a record player...

No, make that a CD... a personal computer, a basketball,

an apartment in Manhattan...

Hey, wait a minute! I'm not done yet!

Listen, kid, you don't need a Santa Claus,

you need a business manager.

Okay, Merry Christmas and good luck in the fiscal new year.

I found that entire exchange heartwarming.

Excuse me, Santa, are you still open?

Ho, ho, ho!

I hope your daughter's interested

in the commodities market.

Come on, honey, Santa wants to talk to you.

Hi, honey. What's your name?

Michelle Davies.

Okay, well, what do you want for Christmas?

- Nothing. - Oh, come on, honey.

You can tell Santa what you want.

But, Mommy, I told you I don't believe in Santa Claus.

What?!

What?! You don't believe in Santa Claus?

Come here, come here.

Let me tell you something, Michelle.

I am definitely Santa Claus.

If you're Santa Claus,

why are there so many Santa Clauses at other malls?

Well, uh, that's... that's because, uh...

well, you see...

Elves, help me out on this.

Well, you... well, you see, Santa is very busy...

Yeah, exactly! Exactly. Exactly.

So, uh, uh, uh, I have some of my elves, uh, dress up like me

to, uh, pick up the slack.

It's-It's the same way that President Reagan

can't be everywhere, so, uh,

so he sends his assistants in his place.

I don't believe in him, either.

Come on, honey, you can tell Santa.

- What do you want for Christmas? - My daddy.

I want my daddy home for Christmas.

Sweetheart, you know daddy can't come home

this year for Christmas.

Can you get me my daddy home for Christmas?

Um...

Uh, look, uh, Michelle...

I'm-I'm sorry, but there are some things

that even Santa Claus can't do.

You're not Santa Claus.

Can we go now, Mommy?

Yeah. You want to take a look at this pretty tree first, huh?

Look, look, I'm-I'm-I'm sorry.

I'm, uh... uh, usually the kids love me.

No, that's okay, it's not your fault.

You're not the first Santa she's done this to.

Oh. Oh, what is it? It's the beard, right?

The-the... the suit?

My "Ho, ho, ho" s getting on her nerves?

I know they're getting on mine.

Um, no, you see, Michelle's dad has to travel for business,

and, uh, this year hasn't been so great.

So he's had to take whatever he could get.

Unfortunately, that means he has to be away

for Christmas this year.

That's too bad.

Well, um... thanks, anyway, for trying.

Hey, hon, you ready?

I don't know. That was heartbreaking.

The way she looked at me

and said, "You're not Santa."

Alex, you're not Santa.

You don't have to rub my nose in it.

- Sorry. - You're not an elf, either,

you know.

I know.

Look, the point is... I mean, I got the suit,

I've got the beard, I mean, I-I-I-I look like Santa.

I feel like it's my responsibility to do something.

Well, why don't you get on a sleigh and go to the North Pole?

Well, you know, Alex, it's really great

that you have such noble impulses.

It'd be nice to see it more than once a year.

Please, Jennifer, let's take all we can get.

I don't know what you're making

such a big deal about, Elyse!

A tree is a tree.

Steven, a tree that fits in your pocket is not a tree.

I don't think it's so bad.

I can imagine the cry of "Timber"

when that baby came down.

Look, I know it's not perfect.

Not perfect? Dad, this is the first Christmas in history

where the tree can go under the presents.

Dad, can't you go to

a regular Christmas tree lot this year, just this once?

Oh, sure! Let's just patronize

one of those faceless, impersonal, conformist lots.

- Yeah. - Where all the trees

- are tall and healthy. - Yeah.

I suppose you'd like one green and leafy, too.

Oh, yes!

We're ready to hang our stockings.

Oh, great! Let's go.

- Hey, buddy. - Here's mine.

Hey, baby.

While you guys were out, we made milk and cookies for Santa.

Terrific. Where are they?

In the stocking.

What about yours, Alex?

Oh, I don't know, Mom.

I, uh... I don't feel much like it this year.

Come on, Alex, it wouldn't be Christmas without your stocking.

All right. All right.

There we go.

How was your first day at the mall?

Will Christmas still be celebrated this year?

Yeah, it was fine.

It was... it was fine.

It was just... this, um, this little girl.

Michelle.

Yeah. She's really cute, but really sad.

Oh, what's the problem with this little girl?

Well, her father works, and can't be home for Christmas.

She's seven years old

and she doesn't even believe in Santa Claus.

It just seemed so wrong

to see someone unhappy at the mall.

I feel completely helpless...

and I wish there was something I could do.

Hiya.

Ho, ho, ho, ho!

Oh, great, a Method Santa.

How's Mrs. Claus?

Thank you for asking.

Ho, ho, ho!

Well, she has a few sniffles,

but then, she's at home

and the elves are taking good care of her.

Let's try and keep our sled in the real world here, pal,

all right?

Actually, I don't use a sled.

I use a sleigh.

And, uh, something else...

I would never use buttons like that.

And that belt... Completely wrong.

Where's your beard?

It's in my locker.

- Where'd you get yours, a garage sale? - Ow!

- Ooh! - Whoa! Hey. How come you got a good beard?

Where do you work, lawn furniture?

No, I-I'm based up at the North Pole.

I-I'm down here to do a little survey

to see what the children would like.

Beam me up, Scotty.

Well! That briefcase is holding up rather well, isn't it?

- What? - The briefcase.

Uh, that was the Christmas of '73.

Yeah, yeah, it's holding up f...

- H-How do you know that? - I remember

that year quite well.

Let's see, you asked for that briefcase,

a pocket calculator,

and a pardon for Richard Nixon.

You're good.

That is good!

Alex, uh, I know that up to this point,

our relationship has been mostly financial.

But this year you've changed.

Michelle has really touched you.

And that's why I'm here.

I'm on Candid Camera, right?

I am. I am. Come on, where is he?

Where is he? Where is he? Come on.

Come... Hey, Allen Funt!

I'm on to you! Come on, buddy!

- Wh-Where... It's in the pads, right? - Oh, ho, ho!

Don't do that. It tickles, Alex! Ho, ho!

And you know it's like a bowl of jelly... ho, ho, ho!

Wait a minute. Okay.

Look, this has got to stop, all right?

Uh, what are you... what are you trying to tell me,

that you are Santa Claus?

I'm-I'm really very happy

that you decided to play me this year.

I-I know that you're a little depressed

because you haven't been able to help Michelle.

But you're doing the right thing.

Don't underestimate the power of Christmas.

It can work miracles.

Look, I-I... I don't know what to do.

I mean, I-I don't know how to help Michelle.

Trust your heart, Alex.

My heart.

I haven't used it in so long.

I wouldn't say that.

You're using it right now.

Just keep at it.

And don't forget...

Good thoughts and good deeds don't go unrewarded.

Alex, uh...

I really would like to help.

But I don't see any chance

of bringing you that Porsche this year.

But I've been so good!

Santa!

Santa, where you been?

All the kids are waiting.

I just met the most incredible guy.

- What? - I ju... I just...

I just met Santa Claus.

Boy, Alex,

this-this trying to show good will towards men

has put you under quite a strain, hasn't it?

Maybe you want to lie down, Alex.

- Jennifer and I can take care of this. - No, no, no.

No, I can't lie down. I can't lie down.

I'm too excited. Do you realize that it is Christmas?

No, we're dressed like this all the time.

Hey! Let's go, pal.

Let's get a move on.

Easter's almost here!

Come here, Eddie.

Don't lay a hand on me.

Jacoby & Meyers is right across the mall.

Eddie, come here.

Sit down.

Eddie...

what does Christmas mean to you?

It means getting presents!

All right. Okay.

What if you had all the presents in the world

and nobody to share them with?

That would be great!

I mean... I mean, if your mom...

wasn't there t-to watch you open those presents

and you didn't have any friends to show those presents to,

and people weren't around caroling

and spreading good cheer,

would you really enjoy those presents?

I guess I wouldn't be so happy without all those people.

That's right. That's right.

'Cause the important thing about Christmas

isn't the presents, Eddie.

It's being with the people that you love.

Thanks, Santa.

Mom, let's find another Santa.

This guy's bringing me down.

Alex.

Alex, that...

that was very sensitive, Alex.

Are you feeling feverish?

I... I don't know.

I don't know, I just... I feel very Christmassy.

I j... I feel like...

♪ Deck the halls with boughs of holly ♪

♪ Fa, la-la, la-la, la-la, la, la... ♪

- Shh. - I-I can't help it. I just...

♪ God rest ye merry gentlemen, let nothing you dismay... ♪

I don't know what it is. I can't stop singing!

♪ Hello, Dolly ♪

♪ Well, hello, Dolly ♪

♪ It's so nice to have you... ♪

Michelle!

Michelle! Hi. Hi, remember me?

With that suit, it's hard to forget.

Listen, Michelle, I've got to own up.

I'm-I'm not Santa Claus.

I'm-I'm Alex Keaton.

But I want you to know that there is a Santa Claus.

And-and he really cares about you.

Um, Michelle, you didn't get a candy cane

last time you were here.

Why don't you come over here and pick one out? Come on.

- That's a good idea, huh? - Listen, um, I, uh...

I hope I'm not out of line here, but, um...

I've... I-I've been really concerned about your daughter.

I don't... hey, I don't know, it comes with the suit...

but, um, I was just wondering,

have you heard anything from your husband?

Uh, yeah, I talked to him yesterday,

and he's, uh, definitely not gonna be able to make it home

for Christmas tomorrow.

Oh, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. But, um...

if-if you and Michelle aren't doing anything tonight,

I was wondering if you'd like to come over to our house.

I mean, our family usually has a...

a party every Christmas Eve,

and I know they'd love to meet you.

And I... I have a feeling

that this is gonna be a very special Christmas.

Hey...

So!

Another carol, anyone?

Sure. We should sing a hymn

to this beautiful tree Mr. Krewson brought us.

♪ O cactus tree, O cactus tree ♪

♪ Thou art so... ♪

♪ Fair and prickly. ♪

I can't believe it.

All right, come on, let's look on the bright side.

Which is?

Nick...?

Well, uh, it's Christmas with kind of a Wild West theme, huh?

Yeah.

Well, I think it's appropriate.

I-I mean, you probably don't get much rain in here.

Look... I spoke to Mr. Krewson.

He promised we'd have a great tree here by tonight.

I trust him.

You're right. Y...

It's-it's Christmas.

The tree isn't important, it...

What is, is that we're all together for the holiday.

We can have a great Christmas

with the worst tree in the world!

We've done it for the last three years.

Excuse me.

Oh, hi, Skippy.

How'd you know it was me?

Most Abominable Snowmen wear contact lenses.

Don't be scared, Andy.

It's just me, Skippy.

Thanks. I was terrified.

It's almost time for bed, honey.

I want to stay up and wait for Santa Claus.

Oh, hey, hey, hey.

I-I'll wait up with you, Andy.

You know, every year, I try to wait up for him,

and, uh, every year I fall asleep.

You know, I have the same problem.

What do you say we put on a pot of black coffee?

All right.

There they go,

the three wise men.

Hey... folks?

Uh, I'd like you to meet some friends of mine.

Um, this is Beth and Michelle Davies.

- Hi. How are you? - Nice to meet you.

What's with the cactus?

Michelle,

that's not polite.

What is with the cactus?

- Hi. - Hi.

Want to hang your stocking up?

I don't have one.

You can use mine. It already has milk and cookies in it.

Please, have a seat.

Yes,

make yourself at home.

I'll just... Excuse me.

Hey, Mr. Krewson!

- Oh, Mr. Keaton! - Hi.

- Merry Christ... Merry Christmas! - Hi.

I've been thinking about your little, uh, tree problem here,

and, uh, well...

I have a surprise for you! Yeah!

Oh, Mr. Krewson!

It's beautiful! Love this tree!

Oh, it's beautiful!

Beautiful tree, Mister...

Oh, this is such a beautiful tree.

Now it feels like Christmas now.

And to complete the mood...

♪ My advice to add some spice ♪

♪ And live in harmony ♪

♪ Add a pinch of love ♪

♪ And a dash of Christmas Eve ♪

- Are you having a good time, Michelle? - Uh-huh.

Andy and I are getting married.

Listen, Michelle, thanks for coming to our party.

You helped make it a great Christmas.

Thanks, Alex.

I'll get it.

Hello. May I help you?

Yes, I'm looking for Alex P. Keaton.

Alex, honey.

Yeah.

- Hi, I'm Alex. - Hello.

My name is Ray Davies.

Daddy!

Michelle!

Ray? Wha...

- Wha... - Honey!

I don't believe this.

What are you doing here?

Uh, well, we met Alex, and...

Never mind that; what are you doing here?

Well, I was in Fargo.

It was a horrible night.

I didn't make a single sale.

I was on my way back to the motel

so I could give you guys a call.

When I got there, standing at my door

was this great big barrel of a man...

with a white beard.

And the most amazing thing happened... he said

he wanted to buy absolutely everything I had to sell.

That's incredible, honey!

I'm so proud of you!

He handed me the money,

and the only thing he asked me to do

was deliver this package to Alex P. Keaton.

Thanks.

This is the best Christmas present in the world.

- What do you make of this? - Oh, uh, uh, I don't know.

I'm still in shock from having a decent tree.

Who's that from, Alex?

A... friend. A friend.

"Alex, if you're pure of heart,

this should be as good as the real thing."

Hey, it's him!

- It's him! - It really is!

It's Santa Claus!

Ho, ho, ho, ho!

Merry Christmas! Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho!

♪ Add just a pinch of love ♪

♪ And a dash of Christmas Eve. ♪

Sit, Ubu, sit. Good dog.