Original subtitles

♪♪

♪ I bet we've been together for a million years ♪

♪ And I bet we'll be together for a million more ♪

♪ Oh, it's like I started breathing ♪

♪ On the night we kissed ♪

♪ And I can't remember what I ever did before ♪

♪ What would we do, baby, without us? ♪

♪ What would we do, baby, without us? ♪

♪ And there ain't no nothing we can't love each other through ♪

♪ What would we do, baby, without us? ♪

♪ Sha-la-la-la. ♪

Okay, Andy, it's way past your bedtime.

Oh, Mom, you said I can stay up till Uncle Rob gets here!

Well, I didn't realize they'd be here so late.

Come on. You can see Uncle Rob and your cousins in the morning.

Oh, Mom, come on. It's-it's a pivotal point in the game.

Okay, Dad, go fish.

You sly dog.

So how come Uncle Rob's coming so late anyway?

Oh, he got one of those cheapo flights...

Very inexpensive, but not too convenient.

It stops twice in St. Louis.

Why does it stop twice in St. Louis?

They're practicing takeoffs and landings.

It's not like Uncle Rob to fly cheapo.

He usually goes first class.

Well, that's all changed.

Rob doesn't have much money since the divorce.

Huh. Show me the man who does.

Maureen said it was a very fair settlement.

Pshaw.

Rob said so, too.

The reason there's not much money is that, uh,

Rob switched careers.

He's, uh, given up accounting.

Oh, what's he doing now?

I'm not sure what he's doing now.

Maybe he's an astronaut.

That's my guess.

I wish he'd get here. I'm getting sleepy.

I almost forgot. Come on, Andy, let's go to bed.

Thanks, Mal.

Oh, give him a minute, Elyse!

- Come on, Andy. - Well...

The game's not over!

You lose, Dad.

Good night, Andrew.

Okay, that's them. Now, let's not forget

that Rob and the kids have really gone through

a tough time lately.

Let's try and remember to be sensitive to that.

You know, when I talked to Rob, he didn't sound like

a guy who'd been through a tough time.

He didn't sound down at all! He sounded happy!

Dad, will you stop bugging me?!

Listen, Marilyn, if you're going to talk to me that way,

let's get back on the plane and go home, that's all!

Sounds happy as a clam.

Here we go. -Uncle Rob!

- Hey! -Hi! How are you? - Hi, sweetheart.

- Hey, Stevie! - How you doing, bro?

Hey! Who's this?

Alex! Andy!

Hi.

Hey, look at you, Jonathan!

You really shot up!

How you been?

I'm fine.

And how you been, Marilyn?

Fine.

Well, everyone's fine.

That's fine.

Marilyn, I think you could fill them in

a little more, don't you, honey?

No, Dad, I don't.

I really have nothing else to say.

I didn't want to come here, the flight was miserable,

and I'm counting the hours till we go home.

Mallory, can I talk to you upstairs?

Well, I find her candor refreshing.

Alex, I would really appreciate

if you didn't read the newspaper at the table.

Why is that, dear?

Don't call me "dear."

And don't read the paper while we're at the table together.

Hey, Mal...

we're not married.

And isn't it wonderful?

Look, if I want to read at the table,

I'm going to read at the table.

Okay?

There are no rules.

It is considered proper etiquette among civilized people

to engage in conversation at the table.

All right.

Engage me.

No, you start.

Why do I have to start?

It's the gentlemanly thing to do.

You're really getting on my nerves, Mal.

Okay. All right, fine.

Okay, I'll start. I'll start.

What the hell were you and Marilyn talking about

in the bathroom last night?

You-you had the door locked, you had the water running,

and-and I couldn't hear a thing.

None of your business.

Nice chatting with you.

Uh, what were you and Marilyn talking about

in the bathroom last night?

Steven, really!

That's none of our business.

Unless Mallory wants to tell us.

I am shocked.

I am scandalized.

When someone needs to talk to someone,

and they invite that someone into the bathroom,

that means complete secrecy.

That's true. It's true.

It's the international room of secrecy.

I'm surprised governments don't meet in the bathroom.

Marilyn just had some things on her mind.

Some pretty heavy stuff.

Reaction to the divorce and all.

But it's between Marilyn and me...

Good morning!

Good morning, Uncle Rob.

- Hi, Rob. - Hi, Rob.

Could I get you some breakfast? We got muffins...

Oh, no, no, no.

I've gotten to be quite a good hand at breakfast lately.

I swear, I'm eating like I'm 16.

It's working outdoors; that's what does it.

Outdoors? Well, what are you doing now, Rob?

I'm working for the phone company.

Oh, Uncle Rob!

Mallory, take it easy.

- You're all flushed. - Oh.

What kind of work are you doing?

I'm a lineman.

You know, the guy you see up on the poles.

Up on the poles!

Get her some water.

No, I'm fine, I'm fine.

I just think, well, it must be pretty exciting being up there

with all those conversations whizzing by.

Well, I'm glad you found something

that makes you happy, Rob.

Although, I never thought you'd be working outdoors.

Quite a switch from being a CPA.

Ah, that's just it, Stevie.

I'm 45 and I'm the new guy on the job.

I'm learning, I'm working with my hands,

I'm fixing things.

I'm outside in Buffalo, 7:00 a.m.,

the wind's whipping off the lake,

uh, my hands are so cold, I-I can't even hold my coffee.

I got icicles hanging off my nose

and I've got a pole to climb.

I mean, could you ask for more?

No. It sounds great.

Look at this. I got calluses.

Oh, boy!

Well, are they great? I love 'em.

It means I'm a lineman, you know, a working stiff.

We got to talk.

I got to admit, you never looked better.

Ah, thanks, Elyse.

I feel like a kid, you know?

I'm working hard, I'm playing hard...

Oh! Did I tell you?

I'm on a bowling team.

Oh, God, no.

Mommy! Mommy!

The park was great!

Marilyn swung me all the way up to the sky.

Andy, you weren't supposed to tell anyone about that.

Oh, I meant we were in the sandbox the whole time.

We have witnesses!

And we didn't have ice cream for breakfast, either.

Well, that covers what we didn't do.

Well, that's great.

I'm glad to see you cousins are getting to know each other.

Uh, can I get you some breakfast?

Oh, no, thanks, Aunt Elyse.

I'll get something at the mall. You ready?

You're asking Mal if she's ready to go to the mall?

I don't go to the mall that much, Alex.

Mallory, the mannequins wave to you.

Marilyn? Mare?

I, uh, I didn't know you were going to be

running off so early, honey.

I-I thought maybe we could spend some time together today.

No, I'm going to the mall with Mallory.

Well, maybe this afternoon.

I don't think so, Dad.

I wouldn't want to get in your way.

Case you want to pick up any girls.

Marilyn knows that I was seeing Kathy when I was here last,

that, uh, we were having an affair.

She won't forgive me for it.

You know, she and Mallory were locked in the bathroom talking

with the water running for more than an hour last night.

- It's none of our business. - I'll be darned.

I only see her one weekend a month.

It's supposed to be more,

but, uh, she doesn't want to come, so I don't push it.

I'm out there in space with her somewhere.

Some kind of mutant father

who doesn't live in the same house with his children,

doesn't have a wife,

doesn't even have a key to his own front door.

Doesn't know what the hell he's doing.

When he walked up to me,

I swear I could feel my knees turn to lasagna.

Could you tell?

Well, I wouldn't say lasagna specifically,

but I did see you sway.

And then you stabilized.

And I said to myself, "She is a Keaton."

I'm not imagining how cute he is, am I?

He is "to die for" cute.

How old do you think he is?

Well, at least 18.

I mean, you have to be to be a Marine.

What?

Oh, did I interrupt something?

Oh, I'm sorry.

If I interrupted something

and you'd like to continue your little chat,

may I direct you to our bathroom facilities.

Which, I believe, are available at this time.

Thank you, Alex. That's very thoughtful.

Oh, hey, think nothing of it. Think nothing of it.

Just go on up there, lock the door, turn on the water

and do that yakety yak.

Yakety yak.

Don't talk back.

All right, how is this for a great idea?

Dinner, movie...

And after, if everyone's good...

Ice cream.

Whoa!

Come on, Mare, you coming?

Um, I-I can't, Dad.

I'm going out. I have a date.

No, you don't have a date.

Oh, I do.

Who's this date with?

A guy I met at the mall with Mallory.

I'm sorry. No, you can't run around a strange city

with a guy you met at a mall.

We're not going to be running around.

We're going dancing at the Hot House.

You remember the Hot House, don't you, Dad?

That where you went dancing with, uh, what's her name?

What was her name? Kathy?

Kathy.

That's not necessary, Marilyn.

And neither is this little scene.

Good night.

I want you back by 11:00. You hear me?

No, 10:30!

Do you hear that? 10:30!

Hey, Uncle Rob, what you doing?

I'm fixing this lamp for your mother.

You know, Dad's been working on that lamp for almost a year now.

He's almost got it completely broken.

Yeah, well, he's not too happy that I'm doing this.

Hurts his pride, you know?

He fancies himself a real handy guy.

Dad handy?

He's one of the only living Americans to lock himself

in the trunk of his own car.

What time do you have, Alex?

It's almost midnight.

I told Marilyn 10:30.

You heard me, right?

Oh, yeah. Hey, don't worry about that, Uncle Rob.

I mean, she'll be back any minute.

You just, you got to go with the flow in these things.

Go with the flow, huh?

Oh, Alex, I can't wait till you're a father.

Hey, when I have a daughter, it's not going to be a problem.

She's not going to be able to get across the moat.

Uncle Rob, um,

you and I, we're similar kind of guys, right?

I mean, we're both conservative.

We're both Republican.

We're both... heady guys.

Granted, uh, you've... you've been through a lot of change.

You know, what with the divorce and all.

And maybe... you know, maybe

you're not as conservative as you once were.

I mean...

maybe not even a Republican anymore.

Although that would rip my heart clean out.

But-but-but let's... let's just say you're not.

I could understand that.

I mean, I could.

Hell, I've done it for my parents.

But what... but what I can't understand is why anyone

with your earning potential would want to sit

at a table all night and fix a lamp.

Well, it's very satisfying, Alex.

This great feeling that comes from working with your hands.

Are you still a Republican?

How's she coming, Robbo?

Ah, getting there, Stevo.

- Need a hand? - No, Stevo.

Robbo doesn't need a hand.

Do you, Robbo?

No, Mommo.

Uncle Robbo's doing bueno.

Ah, if Pop could only see us now, huh?

His two sons vying for the chance to fix a lamp.

Would he laugh.

He always said, "You boys are not going to use your hands.

"You're going to college... No tools, you hear me?

"I don't want to see either of you with even a hammer

in your hand unless you're opening a coconut."

And yet, we both ended up

with tremendous ability in this area.

I'm going to sleep. Good night.

- Good night, honey. - Oh, good night, hon.

- Sleep well. - Good night, Dad.

- Uh, Mal? - Huh?

Marilyn, uh, she didn't come back yet.

Did you meet the guy she went out with tonight?

Uh-huh.

Oh, well, uh, who is he?

I mean, what's he like?

Um, well, I don't know his name, Uncle Rob.

But don't worry, she's in good hands.

He's a Marine.

Well, on that note,

I'm going to head up. Night.

- Good night, honey. - Good night, Alex.

Uncle Rob, I got to know.

Are you?

Am I what?

Still a Republican.

Alex, I am.

I knew it.

I knew it. I knew it. I knew it.

You-you-you may fix lamps and you may climb poles, but...

you're not washed up yet.

Okay, well, I... I'm going to sleep like a baby.

- Good night. - Good night.

♪ From the Halls of Montezuma... ♪

Well, it's after midnight

and my daughter's out with the Marines.

Look, uh, Rob,

I don't begin to understand how hard this must be for you

and Marilyn, but you can't just abdicate.

You can't give way like this.

I can't afford to waste the few hours a month I do get

to spend with her arguing about these things, Stevie.

I want to be a good guy.

But you're her father, Rob.

By a thread, Steven.

I don't want to lose her.

So I'm letting her go.

That's no attitude, Rob.

You got to let her know where the line is.

The line she can't cross.

You got to be strong.

Loving... but strong and decisive.

Like you?

Like me.

Like him.

Damn right.

I've had two 17-year-olds.

And I know...

give them an inch, they'll wipe you out.

I know.

I've been there.

So has she.

I was there with him.

It was hell.

I have daughters, Rob.

I know what you're going through.

When Mallory turned 17,

I made it very clear.

I wanted to take an active part in deciding

what type of young man she would be dating.

How'd she wind up with Nick?

She didn't listen to me.

Come on, Andy, it's after midnight.

- Don't you think it's time for bed? - Shh.

Jonathan's telling a story.

Where's your manners?

Go on, Jonathan.

Well, now my mom's going out

with this guy named Eddy Wheaton.

He's a real nice guy, and she says

maybe someday they'll get married.

I'm not so happy about that

because then my name becomes Jonathan Keaton Wheaton.

So, how does it work, Jonathan?

I mean, when do you see your mom and when do you see your dad?

I spend one week with each.

I go back and forth.

It's not bad.

So, your mommy and daddy can't tuck you in on the same night?

I'm too old to get tucked in.

Let's say you weren't.

Then no, they can't tuck me in on the same night.

That's wild.

Room for one more, you wacky night owls?

Andy, it is...

nine hours past your bedtime.

Is, uh, Marilyn back yet?

No, no, she's not.

Uncle Rob's getting a little worried about it.

Yeah, Dad gets worried a lot lately.

What were you guys talking about?

- We were talk... - Nothing.

What were you talking about, Andy?

Divorce.

It's not bad,

but you can't get tucked in.

Well, hey, hey, you guys can talk about divorce all you want.

I won't say a word.

Oh, great, here it comes.

Divorce...

does not affect me in any way.

All right, well, first of all,

Mom and Dad aren't going to get divorced

in the first place, but even if they were...

I don't care.

I mean, you know, in a year or two, I'm out of here.

A year or two?

Well, is there anything we can do to speed that up?

My only concern is that I'm going to have

to support Mom and Dad...

in their old age.

I mean, that's the question.

How much, and when does it start?

Hi.

- Hello. - Hello.

Uh, we were just talking about you.

Andy, what in the world are you doing up at this hour?

Waiting for you to tuck me in.

It's your fault.

We tucked you in.

Oh, then it must be my fault.

Come on, come on.

Let's go.

Alex doesn't care if you get divorced.

- What? - What?

No, no, no.

No, what I... what I said was

I didn't think you would ever get divorced.

But if you did, I said...

"I don't care."

What are you doing up?

Well, I could say I was hungry, but, uh, I'm not.

Worried about Marilyn.

And you.

She's doing this to hurt me.

Doesn't take a major mind to figure that out.

She had a nice life going, and to her way of thinking,

I'm the one who screwed it all up for her,

so she doesn't want me to forget it.

I get the message.

Well, how about you?

How are you holding up?

Okay.

Yeah.

As lousy as this is, okay.

I did the right thing, Elyse.

Maureen and I just ground to a halt.

We lost it.

That thing we had that was so...

wonderful, it just went good-bye.

You know, it's funny... I-I just flashed

to the night that Steven brought me to meet you.

His married brother and his wife in this... this apartment

on-on Bank Street over the bakery.

Oh, that was a great bakery.

Gianfranco's.

The two of you were... were unbelievably cute.

You're playing house, but for real.

You know, it was so appealing.

So grown-up.

Something that I wanted so much.

Some of the greatest cannolis I ever ate

came out of that bakery.

I remember how great Maureen looked that night.

Her hair was all the way down past her waist then,

and I remember all through dinner, I... I was watching her,

and she was just looking at you.

Just laughing, you know, just... just wild about you.

I used to get three of those cannolis and go up on the roof.

I'd have a quart of milk and the cannolis.

And I'd sing "That's Amore."

And I'd lie there, looking up at the sky

in some kind of Italian pastry coma.

That was quite a night.

Maureen made lamb stew.

We had some wine.

We had some more wine.

I remember we got to talking about whether

Steven and I should quit school and go to Newfoundland.

And run a lighthouse.

You said, "He can't fix a lamp."

"How is he going to run a lighthouse?"

So Steven asked Maureen, "What do you think?"

And... and she said, "You know, if...

if you really love each other, you can be happy anywhere."

Like Rob and me.

I remember after you left, I said to Maureen,

"You know, that Elyse, she isn't bad-looking."

Maureen said,

"No, she isn't. Uh, she's bright and charming,

and Steven should be very proud."

I said, "Yeah, boy, did that doofus get lucky."

Where the hell is Marilyn?

Should I be getting crazy here, Elyse?

Because I am... I'm getting crazy.

It's ten of 2:00.

Well, just-just wait it out, you know.

Just wait a little while longer, and then maybe she'll...

You're not just saying that, are you, Uncle Rob?

Saying what, Alex?

About being a Republican.

No, Alex, I am a Republican.

You're certain?

I'm certain.

Well, then, good night.

Good night.

'Cause if you're not...

I am, Alex.

I-I have an elephant on my key ring.

Well, then, good night.

Hello?

That's okay, honey. We're still up.

He's right here.

Where are you?

All right, I'll come get you.

Oh, no. Oh, that's out of the question.

Just give me the address.

Tell me where you are, Marilyn.

Marilyn, you don't even know him.

Don't you dare hang up on me.

She's going to spend the night at his place.

Sit, Ubu, sit. Good dog.