Original subtitles

♪ I'll bet we've been together ♪

♪ for a million years ♪

♪ and I'll bet we'll Be together ♪

♪ for a million more ♪

♪ oh it's like I Started breathing ♪

♪ on the night we kissed ♪

♪ and I can't remember ♪

♪ what I ever did before ♪

♪ what would we do, baby ♪

♪ without us? ♪

♪ what would we do, baby ♪

♪ without us? ♪

♪ and there ain't no nothin' ♪

♪ we can't love Each other through ♪

♪ what would we do, baby ♪

♪ without us? ♪

♪ sha la la la ♪

Ladies and gentlemen,

They said it couldn't be done.

They said there Were no tickets left

To next sunday's Steelers-bengals game.

They said it was a Complete sellout.

Steven, can we skip Ahead a few steps?

Did you get the tickets?

Did I get the tickets?

Elyse, in the world Of ticket-buying

Not a lot of guys have my savvy.

Need I remind you of past Ticket-buying successes?

Remember last year, Front row seats?

Yeah, the ethel merman Sound-alike contest.

Oh, I can't wait to tell Jennifer. Where is she?

She's at the mall with Some of her friends.

Again?

You know, dad, this is getting Completely out of hand.

I mean, she's down There every day

With those new Trendy friends of hers.

She talks funny. She dresses funny.

She's completely Obsessed with her looks.

I mean we got to Put a stop to it.

I am running out of Normal sisters here.

No offense, mallory.

None taken.

Hello.

Oh, no, jennifer's not Here at the moment.

Can I take a message?

Tell her...

Stacie called.

The new guy

In algebra class

Is, like,

So-o-o gnarly...

And...

And we should

Scam on him...

Today.

Yeah, o.K., I'll tell her.

Another message for jennifer.

Elyse, I don't know how Much more of this I can take.

I'll tell you, steven, I'm not All that crazy about it myself.

These constant phone calls,

The parties, the clothes.

But, you know, I think we Just have to ride it out.

It's just a phase.

Well, this phase has been Going on for three weeks, elyse.

How long before it Becomes a serious problem?

About two more minutes.

Come on, you guys. Don't Make it such a big deal about it.

The worst thing we can do

Is make jennifer Feel self-conscious.

Just act like nothing's changed.

Hi.

Hi, jen.

That certainly Is a gnarly outfit.

Let me scam on it.

Jennifer, you've got some Messages piling up here.

Beth hooper called. She's Having a party on saturday.

Well, that's, like, great, mom,

But, like, I have two Other much cooler parties

To go to on saturday.

Well, at least call her back.

I'll try, but, like, I have All these other messages.

Oh, my god...

Brett mackenzie called.

I think he likes Me. I'm going to die.

He won't like you as Much if you die, jen.

Say, jen, I've got Some good news.

I just got some tickets

For next sunday's Steelers-bengals game

Over at riverfront.

Great seats.

Yeah, they're two rows Down from the ozone layer.

Like, dad, like, Football is like so lame.

Jennifer, you love football.

We've gone to this game Every year since you were 4.

It's a family tradition.

Well, why don't we start A new family tradition,

Of, like, not going?

Jennifer.

What has come over you?

Nothing. I'm just Growing up, that's all.

I'm not a little kid anymore.

Jennifer, it's like you're a Different person entirely.

I am a different person,

And I'm, like, a much Better one, too.

Ask anybody. I'm gnarly now.

I'm calling the police.

Hi, jennifer.

Oh. Hi, beth.

Want to sit down?

Sure, I'd love to.

So...

How's soccer practice?

It's not the same without you.

No one can hit the ball with Their head the way you can.

I keep knocking Myself unconscious.

That's the spirit, beth.

Jennifer, what are you doing?

Yeah, like, we were Supposed to meet

At our table.

I've got to go, o.K., beth.

Like, why were You talking to her?

I thought she was Someone much cooler.

Hey, you guys, you'll never Guess who's on the way in here.

Who? Who?

Zack phillips and Brett mackenzie.

You know, jennifer, zack told me

That brett mackenzie Thinks you're real cute.

Really? Yep.

Isn't this great, jennifer?

One of the cutest Guys in school likes you.

Aren't you happy we became cool?

I am. I am.

I'm just too cool to show it.

Hey, what's happening, babes?

Like, hi. Hi. Hi.

Hey, jennifer...

Been noticing you Around a lot lately.

Who me?

Yeah, you're looking real good.

Thanks, brett.

I try to take care of myself.

I get plenty of rest,

I brush between meals,

And I wash with ivory soap.

Mackenzie, let's bolt. See you babes later.

Like, bye. Like, bye.

We better get to math class.

Listen, there's this hot Sale at hudson's, you know.

Let's cut class and Get some new outfits.

All right. Come on.

Hey, wait a minute.

Come on, jennifer,

We've got to do this.

We've got to do what they do.

Chrissy, we could Get in trouble.

Are you coming or not?

Jennifer, come on.

Like, o.K., let's shop.

Cool. Cool.

Like, hi, everybody.

Hi, jen.

Jennifer...

Oh, my god, ellen, I Almost didn't see you.

Oh, my god.

Look at these great Clothes I got today.

Wait a minute. Wait A minute, jennifer.

56 bucks for a torn sweatshirt?

Happens to be Very stylish, alex,

Not that you'd know Anything about style.

You want to be Stylish, jennifer?

Give me 56 bucks.

I'll go upstairs and tear Up all your sweatshirts.

It has to be torn in A special way, alex.

What happened to jennifer?

I don't know.

We're still waiting For the test results.

Hi. What's the plan for dinner?

Alex is making dinner.

No, seriously, what's The plan for dinner?

You know, mallory, I Can't take this anymore.

What is going on with jennifer?

I mean...

She's talking funny.

She's on the phone all the time.

Boys, parties...

She's a teenager, alex.

From what planet?

13 can be a very difficult Age for a girl, alex.

It can be very confusing...

Growing so fast,

Hormonal changes.

She's becoming aware Of her sexuality.

Ellen, please, we're In the kitchen here.

You're such a prude, alex.

A prude? Well, I never.

You got your work Cut out for you, ellen.

What does she mean by that?

I think she means that You're a little... Uptight.

You got to loosen up a little.

Uh, me... N-n-not loose?

Ahem. Oh.

Uh...

So, try not to chew

On that side of your Mouth for a couple...

Much better. Thanks.

Hi.

So, uh...

How... How was andy's checkup?

Great. Dr. Gordon Said she had never seen

Anyone as advanced at his age.

That's not what She said, steven.

She said that andrew was a Normal, healthy, happy baby.

You have to read Between the lines.

She's not going to Offend the other babies.

Look, andrew's great,

But there's no reason for Us to believe he's a genius.

The odds against two in the Same family are astronomical.

Well, we should Decide on dinner...

Eat here or go out?

Alex is making dinner.

No, seriously, we Really should decide.

Hey, I thought I heard you. What's the plan for dinner?

Well, we're just Talking about that.

I am making dinner.

Well, let me know When you decide, o.K.?

Oh, I left all my shopping...

Hi, jen.

Hi.

What's going on?

Nothing.

Is that yours?

Uh... Yeah.

Just some clothes. I got them today.

Uh, I'm curious, jennifer.

How many times have you Gone shopping this week?

This week?

Definitely less than 20.

Well, where are you Getting all the money?

You've used up all Your allowance.

Well, I'm using my Babysitting money.

Well, at this rate It must be gone.

You were saving that Money for a 10-speed bike.

I know, mom, but That's not as important

As gnarly clothes, you know.

All right, that's it.

I can't cook under These conditions.

Ellen, come on. You're Buying me dinner.

Look...

Hello.

Yes, this is steven keaton.

I... I see.

I see.

Uh, no, that's fine. We-we'll be there. Yeah.

That was mr. Ross, Your assistant principal.

He wants to see us.

Did he say why?

He told me you cut Class this afternoon.

Oh, that's why.

Jennifer, did you do that?

Oh, it was only math class.

It's dumb anyway.

You stay right here, young lady.

We're not through yet.

Hello.

No, no...

Jennifer can't speak On the phone right now.

Party tonight?

Uh... No, I'm afraid not.

Goodbye.

Dad, I just bought a new Outfit to go to that party.

But, jennifer...

Not only is there No party tonight,

There is no party Tomorrow night.

There is no party next week.

There are no parties!

All of this stops now.

Outside of school,

You're not going to Be leaving this house.

Alex, please, the bengals Can beat the steelers.

They've done it in the past.

Come on, dad. You're dreaming.

The bengals are hopeless.

I'm telling the Bengals you said that.

All right, dad, o.K. Look, why Don't we just put our money

Where our mouths are, o.K.?

O.K., fair enough. I'm ready for action.

A buck says the Bengals take them.

Whoa, dad.

A buck?

O.K., ohio slim, you're on.

Hey, jen, listen,

Sorry you're not Coming to the game.

We're going to Miss you. I mean that.

Whose shoulders Am I going to sit on?

Won't be the same Without you, jen.

You going to be o.K.?

Yeah, I'll be all right.

I didn't want to go anyway.

O.K., come on, alex. We got to pick up ellen.

Dad, if you're wearing those,

You're not sitting next to me.

Come on.

O.K., jen, we should Be back around 6:00.

Andy should sleep For about two hours.

Anything you need before we go?

No, I'm perfectly fine Here all alone, by myself.

O.K., well, I want you to Get your homework done

And clean your room While we're gone.

You told me 10 times.

While we're gone,

I want you to think about ways

You can change this behavior.

You know, jen, It's kind of ironic.

Last thing I want to do Is go to a football game,

But I'm going.

You're the one who Should be going.

What makes you think

I want to go to a Dumb football game

With my dumb parents?

You know, jen, I'm Really getting tired

Of this little miss cool act.

I think it's gone too far,

And I think you know it.

What are you trying to prove?

I'm not trying to Prove anything!

I'm just trying to have fun.

Are you?

Having fun?

Well, not yet.

But I should start To any day now.

Jen, I just think you're Giving up too much

To be with this crowd.

You've become a Different person.

You don't want to do anything,

You don't want To talk to anyone.

It's like we have a Stranger in the house.

Coming!

Just think about it, o.K.?

Let me see, do I Have everything...

Lipstick, perfume, curling iron?

Let's play football!

Like, hi, jen.

Oh, chrissy, you can't come in.

My parents don't want Me having anyone over

While I'm being punished.

You've got to let me in.

The whole crowd is here. We can't tell them to go.

Like, hi. Like, hi.

Hi, o.K.?

So, are your parents Like really gone

For the whole afternoon?

Well, yeah. They went To a football game.

Like, come on in, guys. The coast is clear.

All right! All right!

Hello. Right.

Nice.

Wait a minute, you guys. Wait.

Hey, I'm not supposed To have boys over

When my parents aren't here.

I'm not supposed To have anyone over.

Like, grow up, jennifer, o.K.?

Anyway, we're not Boys. We're dudes.

Damn straight.

Chrissy, I don't Know about this.

Come on, jennifer. It was stacie's idea.

It'll be fun.

Nice digs, jennifer.

So, like, who lives here,

Your old man or your old lady?

They both do.

I don't get it.

Like, what is with this?

Like, I can't find mtv.

Well, we don't have mtv.

You don't get mtv?

Are you serious?

Uh, like my dad works for, uh...

Uh... Public television.

Gross! Gross!

So, like, what are We waiting for?

Let's party!

That's beer!

Got a bottle opener?

No, we don't.

My dad doesn't believe in them.

It's some religious thing.

Hey, twist off! Good deal!

Chrissy, we've got to stop this.

No, don't, jennifer.

They'll think you're afraid.

I am afraid. Jennifer, please.

We've worked so hard to be cool.

Don't spoil it now.

Chrissy, they all have beer.

It's out of our hands, jennifer.

Yo, babes.

Now it's in our hands!

Thanks.

So, uh...

How about giving me a tour Of the rest of the house?

Well, um...

This is really the best part.

I mean, the rest of the House is sort of closed.

The roof fell off...

In a tornado.

I never heard about any tornado.

It was a small one.

It just hit our house.

Oh. Hi, beth.

Like, I can't believe it.

Like, look who's here.

I think I'll come Back some other time.

No, no, no. It's o.K., Beth. Come on in.

Jennifer, this is A private party.

Like, no creeps allowed.

Get lost, lame-o.

Yeah. Yeah.

Hey, shut up, you guys!

What did you say, jennifer?

I said shut up.

Beth is my friend,

And you owe her an apology.

No way.

What makes you guys Think you're so much better

Than everyone else?

You're not.

You think everything's dumb.

Well, I'm not like that.

I like people. I like things.

I like my parents.

I like public television!

I always knew you Were a loser, jennifer.

Just like beth.

Get out.

Come on, guys.

This place is lame city.

You got it.

Coming, chrissy?

Thanks, jennifer.

You don't have To thank me, beth.

I should've done That a long time ago.

Thanks for staying, chrissy.

Yeah.

Hey, maybe we can start Our own cool group.

Are you in, beth?

Yeah, I've always been cool.

once again, the final score...

bengals, 31, steelers, 28.

Way to go, bengals.

Sorry I wasn't there To cheer you on.

All right, alex. We're home.

You said the dollar Was up in your room.

Quit stalling.

All right, dad.

I'll get it to you, o.K.

I just need a little time.

I'm giving you 24 hours.

After that...

You owe me $1.25.

All right, all right. I just Have to make a few calls, o.K.?

How was the game?

It was all right, except the Referee kept throwing these hankies

On the field.

Well, jen, you'll Be happy to know

Bengals took the steelers 31...

To 28.

That's right. How'd you know?

I watched the recap on the news.

So, what'd you do While we were gone, jen?

Oh, a little of this And a little of that.

What's this?

It looks like a beer bottle,

But I could be wrong.

Where did it come from?

Stacie and the girls

Brought some guys Over, and they brought it.

You were being punished,

And you had a party While we were gone?

Bold move, jen.

This is the last straw.

Jennifer, this is inexcusable.

Dad, I didn't invite them.

They just barged in.

And then they Started doing things

I didn't want them to do...

Drinking and fooling around.

And you didn't stop them?

I did! I threw them out!

They'll probably Never speak to me again,

But I threw them out.

Did you drink, too?

No, I faked it.

Jennifer, we trusted you.

I know, but I Didn't invite them.

I don't expect you to believe me

After the way I've been acting.

You probably hate me by now.

We don't hate you, jen,

But we certainly have Not been very thrilled

With you the past few weeks.

My life is a mess, mom.

Come on, jen. How Can you say that?

You're only 13 years old.

You haven't even been Through a tax audit.

Hey, look, jennifer, I know how you feel.

Gosh, when I was 13,

I followed the trendy, Materialistic, cool crowd.

It just worked out Better for me, that's all.

All I wanted to Do was be popular.

Guess there's no Chance of that now.

Look... Look, jen,

This isn't a question

Of being popular or unpopular.

You've been trying to act

Like someone you're not.

That'll never make you happy.

I guess you're right, dad.

I know one thing.

I sure am sorry I missed The football game

And being with you guys today.

Wait a minute. Hold on a second.

What's that strange Language she's speaking?

Sounds like english.

I'm not going to talk in That dumb way anymore,

And I'm not going to hang around

With those stupid girls.

I just want my life To be the way it was.

I miss you guys.

Can I be back in The family again?

Well, we're kind of Full up right now.

I'll tell you what, jennifer...

How about I see if I can Scrape up some tickets

To that packers game next month?

What do you say?

Like, that would be, Like, so gnarly, dad.

Sit, ubu, sit.

Good dog.