Original subtitles

Johnny mathis: ♪ I bet We've been together ♪

♪ for a million years ♪

Deniece williams: ♪ and I Bet we'll be together ♪

♪ for a million more ♪

♪ oh, it's like I Started breathing ♪

♪ on the night we kissed ♪

Both: ♪ and I can't remember ♪

♪ what I ever did before ♪

♪ what would we do, baby ♪

♪ without us? ♪

♪ what would we do, baby ♪

♪ without us? ♪

♪ and there ain't no nothin' ♪

♪ we can't love Each other through ♪

♪ ooh hoo ♪

♪ what would we do, baby ♪

♪ without us? ♪

♪ sha la la la ♪

Dad, can I have the Keys to the car, please?

I have to go to the mall and Get andy some new clothes.

Oh, now, wait a minute.

Alex just took andy Shopping yesterday.

He's got a whole Wardrobe full of clothes.

Mom, what if he wants to Wear something casual?

Oh, mallory, please.

Children's clothes Are incredibly expensive.

We shopped for him. Then alex shopped for him.

Shopping's over.

Andy, where'd you Get that outfit?

Alex says this is what All the kids are wearing.

This is his most casual Outfit, by the way.

Everything else can only Be worn at a coronation.

Look, dad, we're not gonna Spend any more money, ok?

We're just gonna Return what alex bought

And just get him some Normal kid's clothes. That's all.

All right, all right, but Be back within an hour.

We're starting dinner.

Yeah, ok.

Don't forget seat belts.

Yeah, don't worry.

Whoa. Hey, I see you got

Your rough-and-tumble Outfit on, huh?

Goin' out to play a little ball?

Yeah. Baseball.

Don't you be afraid To slide in that gear.

That's what it's for.

Alex, there's a message here For you. Professor rhodes called.

He'll be coming by sometime Today with the final data.

Whoa, this is incredible.

Do you realize what this means?

Well, it's just a wild guess,

But, uh, I'd say it means That professor rhodes

Will be coming by sometime Today with the final data.

Nice try, dad.

That's not right?

Well, that's just The tip of the iceberg.

Look, if professor rhodes says

He's coming by today With the final data,

It means he's made a breakthrough On our research project.

My name is gonna be on a Paper with dr. Lloyd rhodes,

My idol, my mentor,

The father of Rhodesian economics.

I wonder if his name Should go first.

Congratulations, honey. I know How hard you've worked on this paper.

Oh, and, mom, do you Know this could put me

In line for the wilson award

For outstanding achievement In student research?

It's the first jewel In the triple crown,

Followed by the mckinley Award for grade-point average

And the adams for Neatness and appearance.

Oh, I got it. I got it.

Hey, hey, professor Rhodes, come on in. Welcome.

Thank you, alex.

Listen, I'd like you To meet my parents,

Steven and elyse keaton.

Professor. Well, hello.

Very nice to meet you.

Hi. Alex has told Us a lot about you.

Well, you have quite a Remarkable young man here.

Yeah, and alex has Told us that, too.

You know, I... I really Shouldn't tell you this, alex,

But I think your Contribution to this paper

Is gonna get you The wilson award

For outstanding Research achievement.

The wilson award, sir.

Thought never entered my mind.

As emcee at awards night,

You're liable to be Presenting it to yourself.

Ooh, I like that. I like that.

That way, no one else's Fingerprints'll get on it.

Well, alex, here It is, the final data.

Do you realize what I'm holding here?

Well, I've been burned on This one before, but, uh...

But I'm gonna take a wild guess

And say, uh, the final data.

Nice try, mr. Keaton.

But it's much more than that.

It's the culmination Of my life's work.

It's the logical Conclusion of 45 years

Devoted to the Field of economics.

And my name's gonna be on it.

And my name is going first.

I gotta tell you, professor rhodes, This is a stunning piece of work.

"The concept of Diminishing marginal returns

"Must be reassessed In light of the elasticity

Of consumer demand..."

"Given variable interest Rates in the post-keynesian era."

I'm sorry. It's just So damn beautiful.

Well, alex, you're certainly

The most passionate E-economics assistant I've ever had.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

It's just that, uh, Economics is my life,

And it's just so Thrilling for me

To be able to work with you,

Spend time with you.

Uh, let's keep the Hugging to a minimum, alex.

Oh. Sorry.

Although I can understand Your enthusiasm.

I mean, you... You Have a real talent.

You know, you could be One of the great economists

Of your generation.

Please don't hug me.

Oh, professor rhodes, I'd Like you to meet my sisters.

This is jennifer, this Is mallory, and this is...

Who is this?

What happened to you?

Sad, isn't it?

I do not want a 3-year-old brother

Who looks like mad max.

I do not want a 3-year-old brother

Who looks like Winston churchill.

Professor rhodes, Back me up on this.

Oh, I kind of like What he's wearing.

Wh-where does a person Like me get an outfit like that?

At the hip toddler.

Why don't you guys Be on your way, huh?

Well, good luck with Your economics homework.

Mallory, mallory, Come here. Come here.

This is hardly Economics homework.

This will be a landmark Economic treatise.

"An econometric analysis

Of the household's Intemporal allocation

Under additive preferences."

Now I'm interested.

Actually, it's much more Interesting than it sounds.

You see, underneath All of that jargon,

There's a basic concept

That might relate to you much More readily than you imagine.

Professor rhodes, You have no idea

Who you're dealing with here.

Here. L-let me explain.

Here. Sit down, mallory.

Look, say that you Went to the store

To buy a particular skirt

And there was a Blouse in that store

That would only Go with the skirt.

This is scary.

Now say that the price of The skirt rose dramatically

And you couldn't Afford it anymore.

Would you still Wanna buy the blouse?

Why would I want a blouse If I had nothing to go with it?

Exactly. Now you Understand the concept

Of cross-elasticity of demand.

What happened to the skirt?

No, no. That was Just an example.

What color was the skirt?

It doesn't matter.

Doesn't matter?

Excuse me, sir. With All due respect,

You don't know the first Thing about economics.

Don't feel bad, Professor rhodes.

You were taking economics

Where no man has gone before.

Listen, I have to run.

You've got all of the Raw data here, alex.

All you have to do is to put it Under the proper subheadings,

And by gosh, our Paper is ready to go.

It'll be a pleasure And an honor, sir.

Eh, hug understood.

Hi, honey.

I can't believe the Outfits they bought.

A little boy should not be Sleeping in sequined pajamas.

He looks like liberace's son.

The girls' intentions were good.

Wish I could say the Same thing for their taste.

What do they expect

Shopping at a store Called the hip toddler?

Well, it's better than Where alex took him...

The corporate toddler.

This is all wrong.

Can't believe you're still Working on that same project.

What is it, alex?

This... This is crazy.

These... These Figures don't add up.

They just don't support

Professor rhodes' hypothesis.

Is it possible you Miscalculated?

Come on, mom, I-I've gone over these Things a hundred different ways.

It's just not gonna work.

Do you realize what this means?

I'm not falling for That a third time.

It means I'm gonna have To tell professor rhodes

That 3 years of research Is down the drain,

That all this work was in vain.

Means I'm gonna have To break his heart.

Come in.

Professor rhodes?

Alex, how's the Final checking going?

Well, that's... That's what I Wanted to talk to you about, sir.

It's, uh, done.

Well, talk to me. Don't hold back.

How did it come out?

Sir, do you have any other Hobbies besides economics?

No. None at all.

You know, a nice stamp collection Can really cheer a guy up.

I'll try it sometime. But in the meanwhile,

Nothing is more important To me than economics

And specifically This paper of ours.

They have stamps with horsies On them and duckies and...

There's an elvis one.

Alex, is there something Wrong with our paper?

Sir, I'm sorry. I Tabulated these figures.

They don't support Our hypothesis.

The... The entire Foundation of our theory,

Our whole premise, Everything we worked for,

Is invalid.

Stamp collection, you say?

You can bounce back from this.

I mean, think of all The famous people

Who failed before They went on to glory.

Think of the wright Brothers, sir.

Do you know how many Running jumps they took

Before they realized they Needed to be in a vehicle to fly?

This is quite a blow.

I was hoping this Paper'd boost my career.

Sir, your career doesn't Need any boosting.

You're one of the most popular Professors on this campus.

You ask anybody in the Economics department.

Thanks, alex, but unfortunately, Times have changed.

It's not enough to be a Popular, good teacher anymore.

Universities are looking For successful researchers.

Publishing is the key.

It's publish or perish.

Well, it's not more Important than teaching.

If you don't mind, I'd like To... I'd like to be alone,

Just, uh, me and my Invalid hypothesis.

I understand.

I'm only sorry that I brought your Hopes up about the wilson award.

Oh, come on, sir. I don't really Care about the wilson award.

I'm only concerned about you,

Your position in the department.

I'm completely out Of the running, huh?

I'm afraid so.

Thanks for everything, alex.

Thank you.

I'll see you in class.

Yeah.

Thanks.

Dean ellis, lloyd rhodes.

Listen, I... Great news.

My paper is completed,

And I think it's a breakthrough.

Oh, yeah. It'll... It'll be Ready for presentation

At the award ceremonies.

Oh, yes. It's Definitely publishable.

Yeah.

Thanks. I'll be talkin' to you.

Ok, how does this sound?

It's my opening remarks

For tonight's awards banquet.

"My fellow economists, Due to a grave error,

"Tonight's wilson award

"Will not be going To alex p. Keaton.

I suggest everyone Go home immediately."

This came for you, honey.

Yeah.

It's the program for Tonight's awards banquet,

What should have Been the biggest night

Of professor rhodes' career.

I don't even wanna look at it.

I may just catch The flu for this one.

Listen to the topics.

"Labor unions in burma.

"Third-world monetary spirals.

"An e-economic analysis

Of the household's Intemporal..."

Wait a minute. I know this one.

This is the one about The skirt and the blouse.

Well, what about The skirt and blouse?

Well, there's a... There's A skirt in the window...

Wait a minute. Wait a minute.

Wait a minute. Let me see that.

I don't believe this.

It sa... It says in here

That our paper is scheduled To be presented tonight.

I thought you said That paper was invalid.

It is invalid.

These figures have All been changed.

Do you realize what this means?

Let's just assume I don't.

It means that either This is a big mistake,

Or professor rhodes...

It's gotta be a mistake.

Well, ask him what Store that skirt was in.

Come in.

You busy, sir?

No. I was just reviewing Professor marshall's latest book...

post-industrial Macroeconomics in asia.

Have you seen the program For tonight's dinner?

Oh, yeah.

Thought they did a lovely job.

I was particularly taken By the, uh, new typeface.

You know, I-it says in there that we're Gonna be presenting o-our paper tonight.

I was gonna call the printers, Tell 'em they made a mistake.

Alex, it's not a mistake.

But there's absolutely No support for our theory.

I mean, our paper is Completely invalid.

The... The numbers Are a-all fabricated.

I admit it needs a little work.

Wait a minute.

Sir, you can't go Through with this.

It's wrong!

You know, it's morally And ethically wrong.

Alex...

You know...

I am under more pressure

Than you can possibly imagine.

If I don't publish this paper,

The university is going To squeeze me out.

Well, don't you know your Students look up to you,

Not just for your Knowledge of economics

And your ability to teach it,

But for the way you make us Believe that honesty and integrity

Are an economist's Most valuable tools.

Alex, grow up, will you?

Don't you understand

That teaching has become A... A business like any other?

Publication brings prestige.

It attracts endowments.

It attracts money.

No one is more interested In attracting money than me.

I've spent my whole life

Trying to attract money.

I'm gonna name my Kids after money.

But I know that this is wrong.

Alex...

You're a young man

With a young man's ideals,

And that's exactly As it should be.

I am an old man who Is being pushed out

By a young breed of teacher

Who would rather sit Behind a word processor

Than stand in front of a class.

I am a dinosaur.

And you know what Happened to them.

They didn't publish any papers,

And they became extinct.

What am I supposed to do?

Am I supposed to blindly go Along with what you're doing,

Even though I know that this paper Is a deliberate, calculated fraud?

You have the power to stop me.

We both know that.

I hope you won't.

I hope you'll look The other way.

And believe me,

Before long, this Will all be forgotten.

Not by me.

Surely, the international Monetary fund

Cannot refinance this Debt without guarantees

From the world bank And established creditors.

This is incredibly boring.

All these dull, Pompous economists.

It's like being in a Room full of alexes.

I wish I had been Smart like mallory

And faked the flu.

Come on. Let's go.

Oh, this is the greatest.

It's better than last year.

Some of my favorite Economists are here.

Any chance for autographs?

Sure, I know it's exciting...

All these economists All dressed up,

Talk of interest Rates everywhere.

See those hors d'oeuvres

Shaped like the Treasury department?

It's a magical night.

Ah, I know. I know. For some reason,

I can't seem to get In the spirit of it.

For one thing, I have to present Somebody else with the wilson award,

Which I should obviously Be presenting to myself.

And then there's this problem With professor rhodes.

I mean, my... My Idol, my mentor,

A man I've patterned My whole life after

Is gonna go up there And deceive this audience,

And I have to introduce him. What am I supposed to say?

Ladies and gentlemen, please Welcome my hero, a really big liar...

Dr. Lloyd rhodes.

You start off with a joke.

She's startin' to wind Up. I better get up there.

And thus,

The industrial Nations must establish

The viability of I.M.F. Loans

To developing Third-world nations.

Thank you.

Each year,

The leland economics department

Honors the most outstanding Student researcher

With the theodore F. Wilson award.

Besides this...

Handsome commemorative plaque...

This year's winner will receive

A semester's scholarship

To study at the london School of economics.

The winner of this year's Theodore f. Wilson award is...

What do you know about that?

Alex keaton!

Thank you very much. Thank you.

Um, the winner of this year's Wilson award is eve kimball.

Oh, that's an "E." eve kimball.

I would just like to Thank professor marshall

For letting me do Research with her. A-and I...

Ok, that's time, evie.

Thank you very much.

But, alex, nobody Else had a time limit.

You're right. I'm sorry, eve.

We're just... We're Running a little behind.

Which brings me to Our final presentation

Of the night.

Uh, a paper...

To be presented

By dr. Lloyd rhodes...

A man that I've worked Very closely with

And have gotten To know very well.

You know, I had a Hard time tonight

Tryin' to think of, uh, what To say about dr. Rhodes

That would shed Some light on who he is

And what he stands for.

But I know this.

When I think about what's Most important to me

Here at leland,

Most of the Time, I think of him.

And I know I share that feeling

With every student who's Ever had the privilege

And the pleasure of Sitting in his classroom.

I admire this man tremendously.

And I know when I leave leland,

I'm gonna leave with A confidence in myself

And a love for economics

That he taught me.

Ladies and gentlemen,

Uh, dr. Lloyd rhodes.

Thank you, alex.

That was a teacher's Dream come true.

You know, when I first Started teaching at leland,

Things were a lot Less complicated.

We didn't have all These award ceremonies

And publishing contracts.

We taught because we loved kids,

And we wanted to see them grow.

Now it's different.

College isn't for Students anymore.

It's for the professors.

I got caught up in the Competition myself.

I came here

Intending to present A paper tonight,

Ladies and gentlemen...

A paper that is a Complete fraud.

I was going to go Through with it,

Because I thought I Had to to keep my job,

To prove my worth To the administration.

But in the final analysis, That's not important.

I am a teacher.

And in a college,

There's nothing more Important than that.

Someone reminded me of that...

Tonight.

So, uh, ladies and gentlemen,

I don't have a paper To present tonight,

But what I do have is Infinitely more important.

I have, I hope,

The esteem,

The respect,

The admiration of my students,

And for a teacher,

There's nothing more Important than that.

Thank you.

Well, alex, that's that.

No award for you,

And no research Presentation from me.

Tough night, huh?

I was just proud to be Your student tonight.

Thanks, alex.

I'm proud of you.

I know.

Hug understood.

Hug required.

Let's strike a Nice natural pose.

Oh, just a minute.

Sit, ubu, sit.

Good dog.