Original subtitles

♪ I bet we've been together ♪

♪ for a million years ♪

♪ and I bet we'll be together ♪

♪ for a million more ♪

♪ oh, it's like I Started breathing ♪

♪ on the night we kissed ♪

♪ and I can't remember ♪

♪ what I ever did before ♪

♪ what would we do, baby ♪

♪ without us ♪

♪ what would we do, baby ♪

♪ without us ♪

♪ and there ain't no nothing ♪

♪ we can't love Each other through ♪

♪ what would we do, baby ♪

♪ without us ♪

♪ sha la la la ♪♪

Ok, andy, what's this?

Doggy.

Horsey.

Tax-deferred bonds.

Yes.

That's my guy.

He's making excellent Progress, isn't he, alex?

Yeah, jen, you know, When you were his age,

You were still trying to Calculate simple interest.

What a wonderful family scene.

I just hope you children Will remember these moments

After your mother and I are dead and buried.

Glad you came in To cheer us up, dad.

I'm sorry, kids.

I just came back from a Meeting with my lawyer.

He strongly advises That I draw up a will.

Are you sick, dad?

No, no, jen. I'm fine.

He just thinks it's important For your mother and I

To get our affairs in order

While we're still of sound Mind and good health.

This is depressing.

Yeah. Let's get out of here.

What? Maybe I should wait

Until your mother Comes home from new york

Before I do anything about this.

I don't know, dad.

Mom's architecture Convention lasts for a week.

You know, now is The perfect time

For you to deal with this.

You know how mom hates To discuss death or funerals

Or legal battles over Who gets what percentage

Of the deceased's Earthly possessions.

She's funny that way.

But you and me, pop,

We could have a good Time with this will thing.

You know, you're Interested in seeing

That your loved ones Are well taken care of.

And I'm concerned with Legal and fiscal matters

Pertaining to death.

This is going to be great!

Well, I'm glad we found Something to do together, son.

Andy's really upset About this will talk.

Oh, hey, hey.

Tell him not to worry about it.

I'm handling the will now.

Just, uh...

Show him this figure.

That will put a Smile on his face.

Hi, everybody. Hey.

This is margaret hobbs.

She's a freshman With me at grant.

We're doing a sociology Project together for class.

Well, that's terrific.

It's great to see someone

Going back to School at your age.

I mean, um...

At your height.

Well, there are a lot Of us shorter people

Going back to College these days.

Listen, margaret, we're going To be working in the living room.

It's right through there.

Um, if you don't mind,

You can set up at the table.

I'll get us something to eat.

Great. Nice meeting you all.

You, too. Our pleasure.

So, what's your Project about, mal?

Um, contemporary sexual Attitudes of college students.

Grant college sounds like fun.

No, no, no. Forget it, jennifer.

No, you're not going there.

This family has already Sacrificed one of its young

To appease the god Of fake colleges.

Margaret seems Like a nice woman.

Yeah. She is.

What's the matter?

Oh, I don't know. I Just never thought

I'd be doing my first College project

With somebody old.

I was really hoping to Work with holly parker.

I mean, I'm dying to Be friends with her.

Can't you be this holly's friend

Without being her Sociology partner?

Oh, no, she's a snob, dad.

She doesn't talk to You unless she has to.

Sounds like a good Quality in a friend.

The worst part of it... She got Stuck with skippy as a project partner.

He'll probably scare Her out of the course,

And I'll never get to meet her.

Maybe you'll get to work With holly on another project,

In another class.

Oh, come on, dad. Holly's the Most popular girl in school.

She's failing every course.

How long do you think She's going to be there?

It is so exciting

To be sitting here doing Our homework together.

The last time I did Homework was...

1940.

I had to write a paper on Whether or not roosevelt

Would keep us out of the war.

Did he?

Our paper should prove A little more interesting.

sex and the college student.

Um, margaret, I've been thinking.

If this topic makes you Feel uncomfortable,

I'm sure professor connors Would give us another one.

Why should it make Me uncomfortable?

Well, the subject Matter... I mean...

Oh, believe me, mallory.

I'm perfectly comfortable

Talking about sex.

I approve of sex. I like sex.

I remember sex.

Well, what should we Do to start the project?

Well, I was thinking we Should draw up a questionnaire

And pass it around the school.

That's a good idea.

What kind of questions Do you want to ask?

We could start with,

"Are you sexually active?

And if so, how often Do you have sex?"

You sure you don't Want to change topics?

I mean, that roosevelt Paper sounded really great.

Do you still have it?

You know, mallory,

You're about the only Person who's talked to me

At grant college.

Well, you know, it's a Little tough at first,

But I'm sure you'll Make lots of friends.

Yes.

I'm hoping to meet holly parker.

I hear once you're In with her, you're in.

Well, I know.

I was hoping holly Could be my sociology...

Friend, too.

Oh.

Well, now we've got each other.

You're my first college friend.

I am?

You can show me The ropes a little bit...

You know, bring me up to date On any new research techniques

And study guides And test preparation.

I haven't really gotten

Too deeply into those things.

Let's meet in the student Union for lunch tomorrow.

Is 12:30 ok?

Uh, yeah, fine.

Well, we better get Back to the project.

Ok.

What other questions do You want to ask on our survey?

Um, "When did you Lose your virginity?"

All right, let's take a break.

Alex, I thought you were Going on a picnic with julie barr.

Canceled it, dad.

It's going to be a lot more Fun to stay here with you

And work on your will.

We just want you to Know that andy and I

Don't want any part Of this will business.

Oh, speak for yourself, jen.

Andy's asked me to represent Him in this will matter.

Andy, tell dad what You gave me this morning.

Power of attorney.

If you need him To sign anything,

He'll be on the monkey bars.

Tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk.

What's the matter?

Well, it's just a Little sloppy, dad.

I mean, you got To be very careful

When you're drafting A legal document.

If your language is the Slightest bit imprecise,

This will can be challenged.

That's why I got you This little guide here

To help you with Your preparations.

burying your parents for profit.

Thank you, alex.

Does this book Come with a shovel?

Come on, dad.

Don't let the title Throw you off.

This is chock full

Of some very sensible Financial advice.

In fact, I used it

To draw up this sample will...

Which, uh, which I think You'll find very helpful.

Alex, do we have to do this now?

Oh, come on, dad. It'll be fun.

It'll be fun.

One of those special Father-son moments

We'll look back on fondly.

Or at least I will.

"According to This general guide,

"All keaton property is divided Up in the following manner...

"100% of all assets Go to alex keaton,

"To be distributed to Andrew, mallory, and jennifer

As the aforementioned Alex sees fit."

This is just off The top of my head.

All right, alex,

I'll give this my Utmost consideration.

You promise? Promise.

Cross your heart And hope to die?

Not literally.

I'm not sure we have all The books we need, mallory.

Margaret, we have more Books than the library now.

If anyone wants to know Something about sociology,

They're going to Have to come here.

Well, it's going to Take us a little while

To get through all these.

You know, we may have To pull an all-nighter.

Well, the paper's not Due for three weeks.

I don't think we have To stay up all night.

Oh, but it could be fun.

We could order a pizza, gossip,

And do each other's hair.

Uh, no. I mean, I Don't think so.

I've got other courses To take care of.

Oh, ok. I'll call you Tomorrow about our project.

Tomorrow's saturday.

I don't like to think On the weekends.

All right. Till monday then.

Monday.

Ok.

Hello. Hello, skippy.

abientot.

Skippy, I am so Glad you're here.

You've got to do me a big favor.

Well, you know, I'd do Anything for you, mallory,

Especially if it involves

You and me joined Together in wedded bliss.

I want you to trade

Sociology partners with me.

I don't know.

Who's your partner?

Margaret hobbs.

The old lady?

She's not that old, skippy.

She's only 66.

She's 66. That's 9 in dog years.

Oh, come on, skippy. You got to do this for me.

I can't take it anymore.

It seems like she wants To spend every minute

Working on the project with me,

And I don't have the time.

It'd be different For you, skippy.

It'd be nice for you to Have someone to talk to.

What makes you Think she'll talk to me?

And besides, I don't Think professor connors

Would appreciate us Just switching partners.

No, we better not.

Ok, skippy, fine. Fine!

I'm warning you, though, This is the last time

I'm going to try and take Unfair advantage of you.

Last time I'll try to use you.

From now on, I'll just treat You like everybody else.

No. Anything but that.

I'd be lost.

Look, if it'll make you happy,

I'll do it, mallory.

You get holly parker. I get the old lady.

Does she have a boyfriend?

Look, dad, I don't Mean to nit-pick,

I'm not sure you're aware

Of the latest innovations And developments

In estate planning and wills.

Alex, I have all the Information I need right here.

And if I have any problems,

I can call the will Hot line number

You gave me.

All right, did you know

That you can decide That certain individuals

Inherit money only if they Fulfill certain conditions

Which you prescribe?

Alex, that's ridiculous.

We're not going to place Conditions of inheritance

On our children.

Well, for example, you can state

That mallory doesn't get a penny

If she marries nick.

That's already in there.

Is mallory around?

I have to talk to her about Something very important.

Well, I'll tell her You're here, skip.

I got to go upstairs

An get an estate Inheritance form 2w.

Hope I'm not out.

I hate to use the short form.

So what are you doing?

Well, I'm working On my will, skipper.

So if there's anything Of ours you want,

You better ask for it now.

Well, mr. Keaton,

You know that you Possess the only thing

That could make me complete,

That could give Me true happiness...

Your daughter mallory.

I'm afraid she's not Ours to give away, skip.

Then how about That neat clock radio

In the living room?

Yeah, skippy, what is it?

Oh, uh, mallory,

I need my old Sociology partner back.

Margaret quit.

She quit? Why?

She said it was Nothing personal,

But she didn't feel That she belonged

In the class anymore.

Oh, I don't believe it.

Neither do I.

That makes four project Partners I've lost in a week.

There's the one I traded to you,

Margaret,

And the two that Mysteriously disappeared

When they found out They were working with me.

I'm like the bermuda Triangle of project partners.

This is terrible.

When I asked margaret To change partners,

I didn't think she'd React like this.

I feel so guilty.

Why did you decide to Stop working with her?

Just because of The age difference?

Well, that's part of it.

I mean, dad, I Wouldn't have minded

If she was 10 years older Than me or 20 years older,

Or even as old as you, dad.

I think that should Count against her

In the will.

Mallory, I don't Think margaret's age

Should be a problem If she can do the work.

I think an older Person could bring

New insight to the project.

Yeah. Old people can be Really interesting, mallory.

I have an aunt Who's 85 years old.

And we get along great.

I get along fine with Older people, skippy,

But this is different.

You don't have to go to school

And do a sociology Project with your aunt.

You don't have to discuss

Issues like birth control And virginity with your aunt.

We don't have to. We Do it because we enjoy it.

Oh.

Mallory.

Hi.

Can I come in?

Yes. Come in.

Thanks. I'm really Glad you're home.

I wanted to talk to you.

Um, skippy said you Dropped the class.

Yes, I did.

You know, I really Like that skippy.

I'm happy the two of You are getting engaged.

We broke that off

When we were 4 months old.

He's just taking a little longer

To get over it.

Well, that's too bad.

Um, listen, margaret,

I'd really like you To come back to class

And be my partner.

No, thank you.

Um, I know I shouldn't have Switched partners in the first place,

But I was just a Little uncomfortable

Because of the age difference.

But I'm over that now.

Mallory,

Obviously you didn't Want to work with me,

So you switched partners.

I can take it.

Look, I feel responsible.

And you want me to Tell you it's all right,

Don't you?

Well, I can't do that For you, mallory,

Because it's not all right.

I mean, you really hurt And embarrassed me.

Why did you do it, mallory?

Um, well, I just thought it Would be better for you.

I mean, skippy said...

Be honest with me.

All right. I didn't Enjoy working with you.

Partially it's because I wanted To work with holly parker,

And partially Because it felt strange

Working with Someone old... Older.

Old is fine.

Margaret, put Yourself in my position.

I'm starting college.

I'm not a very good student.

It's all I can do to keep My head above water.

And then you come along and You expect us to be best friends.

It was one more Pressure I didn't need.

You're not the only one Who's under pressure.

Try going back to college When you're 66 years old.

Try taking notes in class

When you can barely see the page

Because you left Your bifocals at home.

I mean, try asking Directions to the bookstore

And having everyone treat You like you're a lost child...

"Oh, the bookstore Is across campus.

Would you like me To walk you there?"

I mean, I'm completely Different from everyone else.

I don't know how to act,

I don't know how to talk,

I don't know how to dress.

Oh, I could help you with that.

Mallory, I'm sorry I was Such a burden on you,

And it was my fault.

It was my mistake to look to you

To help me.

All right.

I will spend more time working On the project with you,

And you can come back to class

And we'll do the Project together.

I don't need your Charity, mallory.

It's not charity.

I just don't think you Should drop the class.

I think I'm old enough to Make that decision by myself.

I think you're making a mistake.

I'm dropping the class, mallory.

I'm sorry.

Let's go over this inventory Of assets one more time.

Item 41...

The jade necklace.

Ok.

You know the whereabouts Of this necklace?

I believe it's still On aunt ethel's neck.

Her claim to this Necklace is very shaky, dad.

This was grandmother Keaton's necklace.

Now, you have as Much right to it

As aunt ethel does.

You're right, alex. Let's Go over to the rest home.

You hold her down,

I'll see...

I'll see if I can Rip it off her neck.

You're fighting me on Everything here, dad.

I am just trying to get your Affairs in order, that's all.

I appreciate that,

I just don't want to Have to come to blows

With aunt ethel If I can help it.

She is big.

Hi.

Hi.

How did it go with margaret?

Awful.

She doesn't want to Come back to class, alex.

And she's really mad at me.

I feel terrible.

I need someone close to talk to.

Do you know how I Can get a hold of mom

At the architecture convention?

Hey. Hey, wait a minute.

Mal... Mally.

This is me. This is alex.

This is your brother, Your confidant.

I didn't mean to Offend you, alex.

I'm just used to talking to mom

About sensitive issues.

Yeah.

Ahem.

I know I'm not mom.

But I do know one thing...

When you get hurt emotionally,

Or even if you Hurt somebody else,

It just reminds you

How fragile and Insecure we all really are,

And how much we Count on each other

For support and encouragement.

That was really beautiful, alex.

Thank you, mal.

Mom wrote it down for me.

In case dad was out

And something sensitive came up.

I did mention how Fragile and insecure...

Oh, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, ok.

Coming.

Oh, hey, margaret.

Hi. Come in. Come in.

Thank you.

I hope I'm not interrupting Something important.

Margaret, don't be silly.

Listen, I understand

You're feeling a little down.

Well, uh...

I know I'm not mom.

Alex!

I can't stay long.

I've got a date Waiting in the car.

Oh, great. Well, I'm Glad you came by.

Oh, mallory, I was...

I was thinking about What you said today

In my apartment

And, well, all the Pressures you're under,

And I...

I realized I wasn't Very understanding.

No. I was wrong.

I'm sorry, margaret. I apologize.

So was I.

I was so busy telling you What it was like to be old,

I forgot what it Was like to be young.

It doesn't feel so Great right now.

Margaret, I don't know Why I acted so selfishly.

I'm not going to make Any excuses for myself.

I just want you to know

That I respect what You're trying to do.

I think it takes a Lot of courage.

It took me a long time

To get up the courage

To... To go back to school.

You look at me and You see an old woman.

But inside, I'm still...

I still feel like a little girl

Going to her first Day of school.

I'm scared, mallory.

And if I was pushing too hard

For a friend...

I mean, for someone To make me feel like

I belong at grant,

It's because I really need one.

I'll be your friend, margaret.

Thank you, mallory.

Will you come back to the class?

I think I'll give It another shot.

Oh, good.

I called skippy and Told him we're on again.

I'm comfortable with him.

He's even more out Of place than I am.

I'm so glad you're Coming back, margaret.

So am I.

Great.

Margaret, honey.

We have 7:30 reservations.

Coming, skipper.

You had your chance.

Man: sit, ubu, sit.

Good dog.