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♪ I'll bet We've been together ♪
2
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♪ For a million years ♪
3
00:00:17,785 --> 00:00:20,697
♪ And I'll bet
We'll be together ♪
4
00:00:20,721 --> 00:00:23,033
♪ For a million more ♪
5
00:00:23,057 --> 00:00:25,968
♪ Ooh, it's like I
started breathin' ♪
6
00:00:25,992 --> 00:00:28,772
♪ On the night we kissed ♪
7
00:00:28,796 --> 00:00:34,010
♪ And I can't remember
What I ever did before ♪
8
00:00:34,034 --> 00:00:36,946
♪ What would we do, baby ♪
9
00:00:36,970 --> 00:00:38,770
♪ Without us? ♪
10
00:00:39,773 --> 00:00:42,385
♪ What would we do, baby ♪
11
00:00:42,409 --> 00:00:45,021
♪ Without us? ♪
12
00:00:45,045 --> 00:00:47,657
♪ And there ain't No nothin' ♪
13
00:00:47,681 --> 00:00:49,693
♪ We can't love
Each other through ♪
14
00:00:49,717 --> 00:00:51,094
♪ Ooh-hoo ♪
15
00:00:51,118 --> 00:00:53,864
♪ What would we do, baby ♪
16
00:00:53,888 --> 00:00:56,599
♪ Without us? ♪
17
00:00:56,623 --> 00:01:00,425
♪ Sha-la-la-la ♪
18
00:01:02,029 --> 00:01:03,640
Okay, who wants more cocoa?
19
00:01:03,664 --> 00:01:04,874
Oh, I do. Please. Yeah.
20
00:01:04,898 --> 00:01:06,109
Okay, well, I'll make some more.
21
00:01:06,133 --> 00:01:07,844
Uh, Steven, why don't
you give me a hand?
22
00:01:07,868 --> 00:01:09,646
I'll let you lick the spoon.
23
00:01:09,670 --> 00:01:12,916
She's so good to me.
24
00:01:12,940 --> 00:01:15,284
So, Alex, if Mallory hadn't
interrupted your interview
25
00:01:15,308 --> 00:01:18,087
you might have gone to Princeton
and I never would've met you.
26
00:01:18,111 --> 00:01:21,758
Well, that's... That's fine
for you, Ellen, but, uh,
27
00:01:21,782 --> 00:01:25,061
there's some girl at Princeton
crying her eyes out right now.
28
00:01:25,085 --> 00:01:26,596
I got a great story
to tell you, Ellen,
29
00:01:26,620 --> 00:01:28,197
now that my parents
are out the room.
30
00:01:28,221 --> 00:01:29,532
Oh, I like the sound of this.
31
00:01:29,556 --> 00:01:31,701
When I was 16, I
had this boyfriend.
32
00:01:31,725 --> 00:01:34,437
And I stupidly went
to Alex for advice.
33
00:01:34,461 --> 00:01:36,639
Well, he and my
dad were recording
34
00:01:36,663 --> 00:01:39,876
spontaneous family conversations
for Jennifer's school project.
35
00:01:39,900 --> 00:01:42,579
So when I walked in, my
dad put the tape recorder on
36
00:01:42,603 --> 00:01:45,437
without my knowing
it and left the room.
37
00:01:54,181 --> 00:01:56,481
See you later, son.
38
00:02:04,191 --> 00:02:06,658
Alex, do you have a minute?
I wanna ask you a question.
39
00:02:18,271 --> 00:02:20,317
I'm all ears.
40
00:02:20,341 --> 00:02:21,918
Well, you're a guy...
41
00:02:21,942 --> 00:02:24,153
Mallory, uh... Heh.
I'm not just a guy.
42
00:02:24,177 --> 00:02:28,658
I like to think of myself
as a guy and a half.
43
00:02:28,682 --> 00:02:29,860
What's up?
44
00:02:29,884 --> 00:02:34,063
Okay, I was wondering.
How important is sex to a guy?
45
00:02:34,087 --> 00:02:37,367
I'd say it has a
certain importance.
46
00:02:37,391 --> 00:02:38,702
Well, on a scale of one to ten.
47
00:02:38,726 --> 00:02:41,704
Thirty-five.
48
00:02:41,728 --> 00:02:43,573
That's what I thought.
49
00:02:43,597 --> 00:02:45,275
Uh, why are you asking me this?
50
00:02:45,299 --> 00:02:46,509
I'm just making conversation.
51
00:02:46,533 --> 00:02:49,212
No, no, no, no, no.
This is not conversation.
52
00:02:49,236 --> 00:02:51,247
Conversation is, uh,
"How are you doing?"
53
00:02:51,271 --> 00:02:53,115
Uh, "Looks like rain."
54
00:02:53,139 --> 00:02:57,019
"Care for a waffle?"
55
00:02:57,043 --> 00:02:59,443
There's something going
on here you're not telling me.
56
00:03:01,782 --> 00:03:03,092
Wait a minute, Mallory.
57
00:03:03,116 --> 00:03:06,363
Uh, has Rick asked you
58
00:03:06,387 --> 00:03:09,954
to visit his teepee?
59
00:03:14,627 --> 00:03:16,139
You mean sleep with him?
60
00:03:16,163 --> 00:03:18,408
Yeah. Yeah, has he?
61
00:03:18,432 --> 00:03:20,544
Well, yeah, he has.
62
00:03:20,568 --> 00:03:22,278
Oh.
63
00:03:22,302 --> 00:03:24,180
Well, when you said you
wouldn't sleep with him...
64
00:03:24,204 --> 00:03:25,448
I mean, you
weren't nice to him...
65
00:03:25,472 --> 00:03:27,717
I mean, you let him
down easy, I hope.
66
00:03:27,741 --> 00:03:29,719
I said yes.
67
00:03:29,743 --> 00:03:32,310
I see.
68
00:03:33,380 --> 00:03:35,747
Uh, just a moment.
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00:03:55,669 --> 00:03:56,768
Are you crazy?
70
00:03:58,738 --> 00:04:02,319
Is this the way I
brought you up?
71
00:04:02,343 --> 00:04:04,287
Cut it out, Alex.
72
00:04:04,311 --> 00:04:05,955
Mallory, you're making
a big mistake here.
73
00:04:05,979 --> 00:04:08,491
You are 16 years
old. That is too young.
74
00:04:08,515 --> 00:04:10,560
Well, have you ever?
75
00:04:10,584 --> 00:04:12,317
Have I ever what?
76
00:04:13,520 --> 00:04:17,000
Had someone visit your teepee?
77
00:04:17,024 --> 00:04:18,535
Me? Heh.
78
00:04:18,559 --> 00:04:20,403
Of course I have.
79
00:04:20,427 --> 00:04:23,640
But I was much older than you.
80
00:04:23,664 --> 00:04:25,864
You're 16.
81
00:04:29,402 --> 00:04:32,616
I was 17.
82
00:04:32,640 --> 00:04:34,417
And a half.
83
00:04:34,441 --> 00:04:36,419
I was 17, eight
months and three days,
84
00:04:36,443 --> 00:04:37,587
and it was leap year.
85
00:04:37,611 --> 00:04:39,389
You're babbling, Alex.
86
00:04:39,413 --> 00:04:41,124
Look, Mallory, y-you
just can't do this!
87
00:04:41,148 --> 00:04:43,860
It's wrong. You're
not ready yet.
88
00:04:43,884 --> 00:04:45,328
Why wasn't it wrong
when you did it?
89
00:04:45,352 --> 00:04:47,230
Ah, come on. That's
different. I'm a guy.
90
00:04:47,254 --> 00:04:49,933
That is such a
double standard, Alex!
91
00:04:49,957 --> 00:04:52,335
If a guy loses his virginity,
he's some kind of a hero.
92
00:04:52,359 --> 00:04:54,170
But if a girl does,
she's ruined her life?
93
00:04:54,194 --> 00:04:55,572
That's stupid!
94
00:04:55,596 --> 00:04:59,809
Well, it may be stupid,
but it's the law of nature.
95
00:04:59,833 --> 00:05:01,711
You can't fight that.
96
00:05:01,735 --> 00:05:05,247
Look, it's your duty
as a woman to say no.
97
00:05:05,271 --> 00:05:08,150
You know, if women shirk
that responsibility, men, uh...
98
00:05:08,174 --> 00:05:10,642
Men would never
get any work done.
99
00:05:14,881 --> 00:05:16,058
Well, Alex, it's obvious
100
00:05:16,082 --> 00:05:18,295
that you can't be
objective about this.
101
00:05:18,319 --> 00:05:22,832
Why do you want
to do this, Mallory?
102
00:05:22,856 --> 00:05:25,502
Well, I care very
much about Rick.
103
00:05:25,526 --> 00:05:27,871
And I'm attracted to him.
104
00:05:27,895 --> 00:05:29,305
I'm curious.
105
00:05:29,329 --> 00:05:32,074
Uh, Mallory, why
don't you, uh...?
106
00:05:32,098 --> 00:05:34,644
Why don't you talk
to Mom about this?
107
00:05:34,668 --> 00:05:36,935
She lives for this stuff.
108
00:05:41,442 --> 00:05:42,819
I can't do that, Alex.
109
00:05:42,843 --> 00:05:45,522
You know how hard it is
to talk to parents about this.
110
00:05:45,546 --> 00:05:46,556
All right.
111
00:05:46,580 --> 00:05:49,291
Okay, well, whatever
you decide to do,
112
00:05:49,315 --> 00:05:50,927
don't do it.
113
00:05:50,951 --> 00:05:53,563
Alex, I know in your
own warped way
114
00:05:53,587 --> 00:05:55,164
you've tried to help.
115
00:05:55,188 --> 00:05:57,155
I appreciate it.
116
00:06:00,894 --> 00:06:03,895
Why are these kids in
such a hurry to grow up?
117
00:06:05,031 --> 00:06:06,342
Well, I didn't go
through with it.
118
00:06:06,366 --> 00:06:08,111
I decided I wasn't ready.
119
00:06:08,135 --> 00:06:09,612
I saved her life. How
can you say that?
120
00:06:09,636 --> 00:06:11,348
Alex, you have such
an antiquated attitude.
121
00:06:11,372 --> 00:06:13,916
Come on, Mallory. Look, you...
122
00:06:13,940 --> 00:06:15,518
Hey, what's all the noise about?
123
00:06:15,542 --> 00:06:16,919
Nothing.
124
00:06:16,943 --> 00:06:17,921
Look what I found
125
00:06:17,945 --> 00:06:19,889
scratching at the
back door. Hi, guys.
126
00:06:19,913 --> 00:06:21,224
Skippy, have a seat.
127
00:06:21,248 --> 00:06:22,759
Oh, all right. What're
you guys doing?
128
00:06:22,783 --> 00:06:24,327
Oh, we're uh... We're just, uh,
129
00:06:24,351 --> 00:06:26,195
telling stories,
having some fun.
130
00:06:26,219 --> 00:06:27,596
Alex stories.
131
00:06:27,620 --> 00:06:29,833
Oh, can I tell one?
Go ahead, Skippy.
132
00:06:29,857 --> 00:06:33,602
Well - my favorite Alex story is
the time he rented out the house
133
00:06:33,626 --> 00:06:35,872
while Mr. and Mrs.
Keaton were away.
134
00:06:35,896 --> 00:06:37,373
Oh, this is a great one, Ellen.
135
00:06:37,397 --> 00:06:40,542
This is during Leland's
Homecoming Game last year.
136
00:06:40,566 --> 00:06:41,544
Okay,
137
00:06:41,568 --> 00:06:43,279
the, uh, ad is in the paper.
138
00:06:43,303 --> 00:06:44,814
What's our state of
readiness, Skipper?
139
00:06:44,838 --> 00:06:45,815
All systems are go, chief.
140
00:06:45,839 --> 00:06:46,949
The baby's room
141
00:06:46,973 --> 00:06:49,052
is in a state of
rental preparedness.
142
00:06:49,076 --> 00:06:51,187
This still feels weird to me,
143
00:06:51,211 --> 00:06:53,455
renting out a room
in our own house.
144
00:06:53,479 --> 00:06:55,825
Well, Jen, don't, uh...
Don't think of it as renting.
145
00:06:55,849 --> 00:06:58,127
All we're doing
is letting strangers
146
00:06:58,151 --> 00:07:00,529
use a room in our home
147
00:07:00,553 --> 00:07:03,233
for money.
148
00:07:03,257 --> 00:07:04,868
You know what I think?
149
00:07:04,892 --> 00:07:09,572
Don't ask the
impossible, Mallory.
150
00:07:09,596 --> 00:07:13,009
Alex, I think that Mom and
Dad would not approve of this.
151
00:07:13,033 --> 00:07:15,545
Oh, come on, Mallory. You
underestimate our parents.
152
00:07:15,569 --> 00:07:17,713
Now, they are thoughtful,
generous people.
153
00:07:17,737 --> 00:07:19,181
And I think they'd
be thrilled to know
154
00:07:19,205 --> 00:07:24,120
we are using their home
t-to shelter weary travelers.
155
00:07:24,144 --> 00:07:25,288
You mean we're gonna tell them?
156
00:07:25,312 --> 00:07:27,523
What are you, crazy?
157
00:07:27,547 --> 00:07:29,192
Things got out
of hand real quick.
158
00:07:29,216 --> 00:07:31,027
I believe the ad
said 75 a night?
159
00:07:31,051 --> 00:07:32,028
Right.
160
00:07:32,052 --> 00:07:33,730
Wait a minute,
we want that room.
161
00:07:33,754 --> 00:07:35,198
I'll give you 80.
162
00:07:35,222 --> 00:07:36,566
Eighty?
163
00:07:36,590 --> 00:07:38,668
Eighty. I'm sorry, sir,
164
00:07:38,692 --> 00:07:40,970
but that's not the
way I do business.
165
00:07:40,994 --> 00:07:44,007
Now, you offend me.
166
00:07:44,031 --> 00:07:47,510
The Driscolls were here first,
and they should get the room.
167
00:07:47,534 --> 00:07:48,645
Make it 90.
168
00:07:48,669 --> 00:07:51,147
I'm not as offended anymore.
169
00:07:51,171 --> 00:07:53,282
Do something, Jack. I'm not
gonna sleep in the car again.
170
00:07:53,306 --> 00:07:55,051
We slept in the car last
year for homecoming.
171
00:07:55,075 --> 00:07:57,419
I still have ashtray
marks on my neck.
172
00:07:57,443 --> 00:07:58,621
Ninety-five.
173
00:07:58,645 --> 00:07:59,856
Ninety-six. Ninety-seven.
174
00:07:59,880 --> 00:08:01,357
Ninety-eight.
Ninety-eight fifty.
175
00:08:01,381 --> 00:08:03,092
Ninety-nine. Ninety-nine.
176
00:08:03,116 --> 00:08:05,750
Wait a minute.
Wait just one minute.
177
00:08:10,623 --> 00:08:12,135
This is a big house.
178
00:08:12,159 --> 00:08:13,802
What are we all
bidding on one room for?
179
00:08:13,826 --> 00:08:15,805
I mean, there's lots
of rooms in this place.
180
00:08:15,829 --> 00:08:18,269
Look, there's only one room
for rent. The others are occupied.
181
00:08:19,633 --> 00:08:21,477
Little girl, do you have a room?
- Yes.
182
00:08:21,501 --> 00:08:22,712
Give you a hundred bucks for it.
183
00:08:22,736 --> 00:08:24,469
You got it.
184
00:08:27,140 --> 00:08:29,252
Well, um, I-I have a room.
185
00:08:30,410 --> 00:08:31,854
Everything was under control,
186
00:08:31,878 --> 00:08:33,823
but then Dad called to say
he was coming home early.
187
00:08:33,847 --> 00:08:37,961
We had to get everybody
out. Our guests had other ideas.
188
00:08:37,985 --> 00:08:39,629
Hope you don't mind.
I invited a few people.
189
00:08:39,653 --> 00:08:40,693
Uh, as a matter of fact...
190
00:08:51,231 --> 00:08:52,241
Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa.
191
00:08:52,265 --> 00:08:53,510
Hey, what are you doing?
192
00:08:53,534 --> 00:08:55,344
We did it. We captured
the other team's mascot.
193
00:08:55,368 --> 00:08:57,280
We got the Crawford Kangaroo.
194
00:09:06,480 --> 00:09:08,691
Do you believe this? They
captured the Crawford Kangaroo.
195
00:09:08,715 --> 00:09:11,895
This is a day we
will never forget.
196
00:09:11,919 --> 00:09:12,919
I'm home.
197
00:09:19,759 --> 00:09:22,639
Hi, Dad. How was your trip?
198
00:09:22,663 --> 00:09:24,974
Oh, it's so nice to see you.
199
00:09:26,866 --> 00:09:29,979
What is going on here?
200
00:09:30,003 --> 00:09:31,814
Now, Dad, uh,
201
00:09:31,838 --> 00:09:35,851
don't go jumping
to any conclusions.
202
00:09:35,875 --> 00:09:37,308
Whoa! Whoa!
203
00:09:39,011 --> 00:09:40,923
Dad was really furious at us.
204
00:09:40,947 --> 00:09:43,125
M-Mallory, I'd rather
not talk about it.
205
00:09:43,149 --> 00:09:45,027
Look, do you, uh,
206
00:09:45,051 --> 00:09:48,297
plan on being mad at
us for the rest of your life?
207
00:09:50,657 --> 00:09:52,857
That is my plan.
208
00:10:00,734 --> 00:10:03,446
But, Dad, we're
your flesh and blood.
209
00:10:03,470 --> 00:10:05,147
Yeah. Yeah, Dad. Re...
210
00:10:05,171 --> 00:10:09,140
Remember how cute we
were when we were babies?
211
00:10:10,611 --> 00:10:14,290
Yeah, well, I'm
still a baby, Dad.
212
00:10:14,314 --> 00:10:17,293
Will you read me a book, Daddy?
213
00:10:17,317 --> 00:10:18,597
Yeah, Daddy, read us all a book.
214
00:10:20,320 --> 00:10:21,730
Look, come on,
Dad. Don't go away.
215
00:10:21,754 --> 00:10:23,232
Look...
216
00:10:24,290 --> 00:10:25,401
you always said
217
00:10:25,425 --> 00:10:28,137
that we should talk
about these things.
218
00:10:28,161 --> 00:10:29,772
Alex...
219
00:10:31,731 --> 00:10:34,343
parents are
conditioned to accept
220
00:10:34,367 --> 00:10:36,812
a-a-a few, uh, minor problems
221
00:10:36,836 --> 00:10:40,883
when they leave their
children alone at home.
222
00:10:40,907 --> 00:10:43,052
Spilled milk on the rug.
223
00:10:43,076 --> 00:10:46,622
A broken dish.
224
00:10:46,646 --> 00:10:49,147
There was a kangaroo...
225
00:10:51,785 --> 00:10:55,598
in my living room.
226
00:10:55,622 --> 00:10:59,324
He was just here
for the party, Dad.
227
00:11:02,896 --> 00:11:05,930
Then I guess I'm overreacting.
228
00:11:08,201 --> 00:11:09,611
Dad, if you just
give us a chance,
229
00:11:09,635 --> 00:11:11,880
we can explain everything.
230
00:11:11,904 --> 00:11:14,617
Oh, can you?
231
00:11:14,641 --> 00:11:16,819
Can you explain
232
00:11:16,843 --> 00:11:21,290
the valet parking
in the driveway?
233
00:11:21,314 --> 00:11:24,727
The flashing vacancy sign
234
00:11:24,751 --> 00:11:27,396
in front of the house?
235
00:11:27,420 --> 00:11:30,388
The billboard on Route 41?
236
00:11:34,728 --> 00:11:35,838
Look, Dad,
237
00:11:35,862 --> 00:11:39,308
I just... I-I just lost
my head, you know?
238
00:11:39,332 --> 00:11:41,044
When the... When the
money started rolling in,
239
00:11:41,068 --> 00:11:42,945
I got out of control.
240
00:11:42,969 --> 00:11:44,380
I could... I could smell it.
241
00:11:44,404 --> 00:11:46,115
I could taste it.
242
00:11:46,139 --> 00:11:48,484
I could hear it calling
me at night, saying,
243
00:11:48,508 --> 00:11:50,419
"Alex,
244
00:11:50,443 --> 00:11:52,877
at last we'll be together."
245
00:11:57,517 --> 00:11:59,195
Dad, I-I guess
you could just say
246
00:11:59,219 --> 00:12:01,097
that I-I kind of became a...
247
00:12:01,121 --> 00:12:03,088
A moneyholic.
248
00:12:05,092 --> 00:12:07,092
Dad, I need help.
249
00:12:13,600 --> 00:12:14,910
Did I miss anything? No.
250
00:12:14,934 --> 00:12:16,745
Yeah, they're moving
in for the kill, now, Mom.
251
00:12:16,769 --> 00:12:18,480
I'm being held
responsible for everything
252
00:12:18,504 --> 00:12:20,483
except the sinking
of the Titanic.
253
00:12:20,507 --> 00:12:22,587
Where were you
on that night, Alex?
254
00:12:23,309 --> 00:12:24,453
Admit it, Alex.
255
00:12:24,477 --> 00:12:26,322
You do have a talent
for creating disasters
256
00:12:26,346 --> 00:12:27,656
wherever you go.
257
00:12:27,680 --> 00:12:29,224
That's true, but
he means no harm.
258
00:12:29,248 --> 00:12:30,292
At last,
259
00:12:30,316 --> 00:12:32,428
a lone voice cries
out in my defense.
260
00:12:32,452 --> 00:12:34,230
Careful, Mom,
they'll go after you.
261
00:12:34,254 --> 00:12:36,098
Does that mean you
don't have any Alex stories
262
00:12:36,122 --> 00:12:37,633
to tell me, Mrs. Keaton?
263
00:12:37,657 --> 00:12:39,268
No words to the wise?
264
00:12:39,292 --> 00:12:41,003
I didn't say that.
265
00:12:41,027 --> 00:12:43,305
Oh, Mom, you're my last hope.
266
00:12:43,329 --> 00:12:45,507
Well, do you remember
the big fight we had
267
00:12:45,531 --> 00:12:47,310
on your 18th birthday?
268
00:12:47,334 --> 00:12:49,278
Well, Steven was
269
00:12:49,302 --> 00:12:50,913
on a business trip,
and so the girls and I
270
00:12:50,937 --> 00:12:53,081
were gonna take
Alex out to celebrate.
271
00:12:53,105 --> 00:12:55,951
But he decided he wanted
to go with his friends
272
00:12:55,975 --> 00:12:59,188
to some sleazy
bar in West Virginia.
273
00:12:59,212 --> 00:13:02,925
The Camelot Inn is a very
elegant establishment, Ellen.
274
00:13:02,949 --> 00:13:06,595
Take you there some night
for the hog-calling contest.
275
00:13:06,619 --> 00:13:08,096
Well, I didn't want him to go.
276
00:13:08,120 --> 00:13:10,233
The girls and I had been
planning this for a long time,
277
00:13:10,257 --> 00:13:13,201
and I didn't think that
he should drive 200 miles
278
00:13:13,225 --> 00:13:15,337
just to go to a bar.
279
00:13:15,361 --> 00:13:17,272
But he went anyway.
280
00:13:17,296 --> 00:13:18,807
Neil had set up
some dates for us,
281
00:13:18,831 --> 00:13:20,075
but in order to impress them
282
00:13:20,099 --> 00:13:22,945
he had to tell a few small lies.
283
00:13:22,969 --> 00:13:24,213
I'd like you girls to meet
284
00:13:24,237 --> 00:13:28,138
a couple of young Air Force
cadets under my charge.
285
00:13:30,744 --> 00:13:32,221
This is Lieutenant Litman.
286
00:13:32,245 --> 00:13:34,624
Ladies.
287
00:13:34,648 --> 00:13:36,091
And this is Colonel Keaton.
288
00:13:36,115 --> 00:13:37,092
Uh, how're you doing?
289
00:13:37,116 --> 00:13:38,561
Hi.
290
00:13:38,585 --> 00:13:40,796
This is a big night for
Colonel Keaton, girls.
291
00:13:40,820 --> 00:13:42,932
Tomorrow morning at 0500 hours
292
00:13:42,956 --> 00:13:47,036
he flies his first mission
into hostile enemy territory.
293
00:13:47,060 --> 00:13:48,471
Really?
294
00:13:48,495 --> 00:13:50,706
Come on, Neil.
295
00:13:50,730 --> 00:13:53,409
Well, he's exaggerating...
296
00:13:53,433 --> 00:13:54,811
a little.
297
00:13:54,835 --> 00:13:56,312
What do you mean?
298
00:13:56,336 --> 00:13:58,614
Well, it's... It's... It's
not my first mission.
299
00:13:58,638 --> 00:14:00,683
I-it's... It's my
first solo mission.
300
00:14:00,707 --> 00:14:02,618
Yeah, and I'm goin' with him.
301
00:14:12,385 --> 00:14:14,529
What country are you attacking?
302
00:14:14,553 --> 00:14:18,133
Oh, uh, Canada.
303
00:14:18,157 --> 00:14:19,669
We're not at war with Canada.
304
00:14:20,693 --> 00:14:23,406
Wait, are we?
305
00:14:23,430 --> 00:14:25,241
Are you scared?
306
00:14:25,265 --> 00:14:28,610
Tell me, Buffy, what
place is there for fear
307
00:14:28,634 --> 00:14:30,146
in a struggle
whose ultimate goal
308
00:14:30,170 --> 00:14:32,715
is nothing less than
the survival of liberty?
309
00:14:32,739 --> 00:14:35,540
I don't know.
310
00:14:37,110 --> 00:14:41,045
So... Hee-hee. Are you scared?
311
00:14:45,484 --> 00:14:47,830
Let me tell you a little
story about fear, Buf.
312
00:14:47,854 --> 00:14:49,765
Uh, about a year ago, I'm...
313
00:14:49,789 --> 00:14:52,568
I'm up in my F-14,
doing a test flight.
314
00:14:52,592 --> 00:14:56,405
I'm about 70,000 feet up. I
had that puppy going Mach 2.
315
00:14:56,429 --> 00:15:00,431
All of a sudden, the
fan belt goes out on me.
316
00:15:05,338 --> 00:15:07,817
And you know something,
any other pilot in that situation
317
00:15:07,841 --> 00:15:09,518
might have felt fear, but, uh,
318
00:15:09,542 --> 00:15:11,786
not this guy. No, sir.
319
00:15:11,810 --> 00:15:13,155
Uh, Alex.
320
00:15:13,179 --> 00:15:14,489
That's Colonel Keaton.
321
00:15:14,513 --> 00:15:16,758
Uh, I'm sorry. Colonel
Keaton, I mean.
322
00:15:16,782 --> 00:15:17,760
What is it?
323
00:15:17,784 --> 00:15:19,917
Your mother's here.
324
00:15:28,094 --> 00:15:31,807
I want you to come home with me.
325
00:15:31,831 --> 00:15:32,831
Excuse me...
326
00:15:33,967 --> 00:15:37,001
but the colonel
happens to be my date.
327
00:15:38,905 --> 00:15:39,937
The colonel?
328
00:15:45,645 --> 00:15:48,479
Uh, yeah, maybe some other time.
329
00:15:51,351 --> 00:15:53,195
Tonight is a big night for him.
330
00:15:53,219 --> 00:15:58,100
Tomorrow morning
he's invading Canada.
331
00:15:58,124 --> 00:16:01,770
Oh, I see.
332
00:16:01,794 --> 00:16:04,306
May I have a word with
you, please, Colonel Keaton.
333
00:16:04,330 --> 00:16:07,710
Your orders have
been radically changed.
334
00:16:07,734 --> 00:16:11,680
Uh, Mrs. Keaton, would
you please not tell my mom
335
00:16:11,704 --> 00:16:14,183
that you saw me here?
336
00:16:14,207 --> 00:16:16,007
What?
337
00:16:19,312 --> 00:16:21,156
Why is his mother here?
338
00:16:21,180 --> 00:16:23,225
Uh, she probably came
down to wish him luck
339
00:16:23,249 --> 00:16:24,226
on his mission tomorrow.
340
00:16:24,250 --> 00:16:25,328
Oh.
341
00:16:25,352 --> 00:16:27,330
You had no right
to defy me, Alex.
342
00:16:27,354 --> 00:16:29,065
I want you to leave
with me right now.
343
00:16:29,089 --> 00:16:30,832
No, Mom, this is crazy.
344
00:16:30,856 --> 00:16:33,436
Look, we can talk about
this later, tomorrow morning.
345
00:16:33,460 --> 00:16:37,595
You're invading Canada
tomorrow morning.
346
00:16:39,132 --> 00:16:40,476
Mom, I'm not leaving with you.
347
00:16:40,500 --> 00:16:41,744
No way.
348
00:16:41,768 --> 00:16:43,979
You are coming home with
me right now, young man,
349
00:16:44,003 --> 00:16:46,837
and that is final!
350
00:16:57,082 --> 00:17:02,131
Uh, Neil, Doug, ladies,
351
00:17:02,155 --> 00:17:03,587
I gotta go.
352
00:17:06,960 --> 00:17:07,960
Have a safe mission.
353
00:17:11,530 --> 00:17:13,864
Mom...
354
00:17:15,969 --> 00:17:18,313
The real fireworks started
when Colonel Keaton and I
355
00:17:18,337 --> 00:17:19,582
got back home.
356
00:17:19,606 --> 00:17:21,717
He's still out there, Mom.
357
00:17:21,741 --> 00:17:23,652
Is he gonna stay
in the car all night?
358
00:17:23,676 --> 00:17:25,521
He'll have to come
in for breakfast.
359
00:17:25,545 --> 00:17:27,345
Can't we just put a bowl
out by the back door?
360
00:17:41,594 --> 00:17:42,571
Jen, why don't we...
361
00:17:42,595 --> 00:17:45,696
I'm with you. I'm with you.
362
00:17:49,102 --> 00:17:51,847
Mom.
363
00:17:51,871 --> 00:17:53,682
I made a pact with myself
364
00:17:53,706 --> 00:17:57,352
never to speak to you again.
365
00:17:57,376 --> 00:18:01,957
But I've given myself
permission to suspend it... briefly,
366
00:18:01,981 --> 00:18:06,262
because, frankly, Mom,
the curiosity is killing me.
367
00:18:06,286 --> 00:18:08,664
How on earth can
you possibly justify
368
00:18:08,688 --> 00:18:10,299
doing what you
did to me tonight?
369
00:18:10,323 --> 00:18:11,534
Go ahead, I'm listening.
370
00:18:11,558 --> 00:18:13,769
Oh, I know.
371
00:18:13,793 --> 00:18:18,106
I know. You're mad
because I disobeyed you.
372
00:18:18,130 --> 00:18:20,676
Well, let me tell you
something, Mom.
373
00:18:20,700 --> 00:18:23,845
I only disobeyed you
because you were wrong.
374
00:18:23,869 --> 00:18:25,781
Without just cause
or provocation,
375
00:18:25,805 --> 00:18:27,916
you denied me
permission to do something
376
00:18:27,940 --> 00:18:29,940
I have every right
in the world to do.
377
00:18:31,077 --> 00:18:32,777
Oh, sure.
378
00:18:34,981 --> 00:18:36,491
Sure, this is your house.
379
00:18:36,515 --> 00:18:38,060
And as long as it's your house,
380
00:18:38,084 --> 00:18:39,662
I gotta live by your rules.
381
00:18:39,686 --> 00:18:42,765
Well, that used to be
true. Not anymore, Mom.
382
00:18:42,789 --> 00:18:44,166
I'm an adult now.
383
00:18:44,190 --> 00:18:47,124
I got 18 years under this belt.
384
00:18:49,562 --> 00:18:52,296
And my life is in my own hands.
385
00:18:54,233 --> 00:18:56,400
Have you anything else to say?
386
00:18:59,305 --> 00:19:02,050
I thought not.
387
00:19:02,074 --> 00:19:03,285
All right, Mom. Okay.
388
00:19:03,309 --> 00:19:06,588
I think I've refuted
all your arguments.
389
00:19:06,612 --> 00:19:08,456
Until you are ready
to apologize to me,
390
00:19:08,480 --> 00:19:10,993
I am done speaking with you.
391
00:19:11,017 --> 00:19:14,230
Oh, I didn't realize you had
started speaking with me.
392
00:19:14,254 --> 00:19:17,232
What is that supposed to mean?
393
00:19:17,256 --> 00:19:21,203
The past two days, Alex,
you have complained to me,
394
00:19:21,227 --> 00:19:23,305
grunted at me, lectured to me,
395
00:19:23,329 --> 00:19:24,739
and presented me
with ultimatums,
396
00:19:24,763 --> 00:19:26,241
but not once, not...
397
00:19:26,265 --> 00:19:29,166
Not once have you even
come close to talking with me.
398
00:19:30,135 --> 00:19:31,869
Semantics.
399
00:19:33,106 --> 00:19:35,417
Okay, Mom. All right. Okay.
400
00:19:35,441 --> 00:19:38,287
Okay, I haven't been
very chatty lately.
401
00:19:38,311 --> 00:19:42,224
I haven't been a million laughs.
402
00:19:42,248 --> 00:19:44,459
That is not the issue here.
403
00:19:44,483 --> 00:19:46,695
The issue here is my
right to live my own life
404
00:19:46,719 --> 00:19:48,830
without having you
try and control it.
405
00:19:48,854 --> 00:19:50,466
You have every right
to live your own life.
406
00:19:50,490 --> 00:19:52,167
I'm not trying to deny you that.
407
00:19:52,191 --> 00:19:54,536
O-ho, no?
408
00:19:54,560 --> 00:19:56,271
Oh! Oh, no?
409
00:19:56,295 --> 00:19:59,208
Okay, then why did you drive a
hundred miles and humiliate me
410
00:19:59,232 --> 00:20:01,976
in front of half the
state of West Virginia?
411
00:20:02,000 --> 00:20:05,235
You had a few hours to kill?
412
00:20:07,940 --> 00:20:11,186
No, Alex, I did it
because you defied me.
413
00:20:11,210 --> 00:20:12,821
And even more
important than that, I did it
414
00:20:12,845 --> 00:20:16,559
because I was hurt
and angry and fed up.
415
00:20:16,583 --> 00:20:18,949
About what?
416
00:20:20,620 --> 00:20:22,631
I've tried starting
conversations with you,
417
00:20:22,655 --> 00:20:25,034
only to be politely dismissed.
418
00:20:25,058 --> 00:20:27,902
I've asked you to help around
the house and been ignored.
419
00:20:27,926 --> 00:20:30,138
You canceled out dinner
plans that I had made
420
00:20:30,162 --> 00:20:34,075
without a moment's thought
to my concern in the matter.
421
00:20:34,099 --> 00:20:36,445
I do not enjoy being made
to feel like an intrusion
422
00:20:36,469 --> 00:20:39,069
and an annoyance
in my own son's life.
423
00:20:40,539 --> 00:20:42,784
Okay, look, Mom, I'm...
424
00:20:42,808 --> 00:20:46,488
I'm sorry that I
wasn't more sensitive.
425
00:20:46,512 --> 00:20:48,923
Okay, I guess I should've been.
426
00:20:48,947 --> 00:20:51,326
But I'm not used
to thinking that way
427
00:20:51,350 --> 00:20:53,328
when it pertains to you.
428
00:20:53,352 --> 00:20:58,221
I mean, I-I-I think of you as
my mother, n-not as a person.
429
00:20:59,993 --> 00:21:01,570
You know what I mean.
430
00:21:01,594 --> 00:21:03,004
Surprise, Alex.
431
00:21:03,028 --> 00:21:04,639
I am a real person,
432
00:21:04,663 --> 00:21:06,841
flesh and blood, real feelings.
433
00:21:06,865 --> 00:21:08,410
And maybe in... In
one sense, I was wrong
434
00:21:08,434 --> 00:21:09,911
not to let you go
out with your friends.
435
00:21:09,935 --> 00:21:12,147
But if you want me to
respect your rights as an adult,
436
00:21:12,171 --> 00:21:14,338
then you'd better
start respecting mine.
437
00:21:15,708 --> 00:21:17,085
Okay, I didn't
respect your rights,
438
00:21:17,109 --> 00:21:19,688
and you didn't respect mine.
439
00:21:19,712 --> 00:21:22,257
So, uh, how do we figure out
440
00:21:22,281 --> 00:21:23,959
who's right and
who's wrong, here?
441
00:21:25,718 --> 00:21:28,897
There is no absolute
right or wrong.
442
00:21:28,921 --> 00:21:32,000
I-it's my job, as a parent,
to... To set boundaries.
443
00:21:32,024 --> 00:21:34,737
And it's your job to
negotiate to change them.
444
00:21:34,761 --> 00:21:36,471
When you were 7 years
old we got in an argument
445
00:21:36,495 --> 00:21:38,762
because you wanted to
walk to school by yourself.
446
00:21:40,166 --> 00:21:41,966
I remember.
447
00:21:43,236 --> 00:21:45,180
I remember, and, uh,
448
00:21:45,204 --> 00:21:48,784
I was right, and you let me go.
449
00:21:48,808 --> 00:21:52,309
Yes, but I followed you.
450
00:21:56,248 --> 00:21:58,627
And I hid behind
trees and mailboxes
451
00:21:58,651 --> 00:21:59,895
to make sure you
looked both ways
452
00:21:59,919 --> 00:22:01,251
and you crossed on the green.
453
00:22:03,021 --> 00:22:04,866
Did I?
454
00:22:04,890 --> 00:22:06,323
Yes.
455
00:22:09,128 --> 00:22:10,372
In fact, when a...
456
00:22:10,396 --> 00:22:12,408
Another kid tried to cross
in the middle of the block,
457
00:22:12,432 --> 00:22:15,032
you made a citizen's arrest.
458
00:22:20,940 --> 00:22:22,284
Yeah, that was
little Timmy Dugan.
459
00:22:22,308 --> 00:22:25,276
I let him off with a warning.
460
00:22:26,279 --> 00:22:29,290
It's unbelievable to me, Alex,
461
00:22:29,314 --> 00:22:32,794
that 18 years ago tonight,
462
00:22:32,818 --> 00:22:35,052
I had a baby boy. Heh.
463
00:22:35,988 --> 00:22:37,655
Me, right?
464
00:22:40,760 --> 00:22:42,036
Ever since that night,
465
00:22:42,060 --> 00:22:43,872
you've been trying
so hard to grow up,
466
00:22:43,896 --> 00:22:48,777
and I've been trying so
hard not to let it happen.
467
00:22:48,801 --> 00:22:51,413
Well, considering, uh,
468
00:22:51,437 --> 00:22:54,716
we have been at
cross purposes, uh,
469
00:22:54,740 --> 00:22:57,886
I think we're doin' all right.
470
00:22:57,910 --> 00:22:59,421
Mom, um,
471
00:22:59,445 --> 00:23:03,614
I'm sorry that I've been
treating you so rotten lately.
472
00:23:06,952 --> 00:23:08,831
Accepted.
473
00:23:08,855 --> 00:23:10,232
I'm sorry I ruined your dinner.
474
00:23:10,256 --> 00:23:12,134
Ah, don't worry about it.
475
00:23:12,158 --> 00:23:15,938
I had to go to bed early anyway.
476
00:23:15,962 --> 00:23:18,528
I'm attacking Canada
in the morning.
477
00:23:21,033 --> 00:23:22,010
Good luck.
478
00:23:22,034 --> 00:23:23,078
Thank you.
479
00:23:23,102 --> 00:23:24,779
And happy birthday.
480
00:23:24,803 --> 00:23:26,515
Thank you.
481
00:23:26,539 --> 00:23:28,283
I love you, honey. I... I...
482
00:23:28,307 --> 00:23:29,284
Ah, Mom,
483
00:23:29,308 --> 00:23:31,875
don't start that stuff.
484
00:23:33,779 --> 00:23:34,779
I love you too, Mom.
485
00:23:36,516 --> 00:23:39,227
Well, that was some
night. I'll never forget it.
486
00:23:39,251 --> 00:23:40,428
I'm not surprised.
487
00:23:40,452 --> 00:23:43,765
No one in this family
ever forgets anything.
488
00:23:43,789 --> 00:23:45,634
Hey, everybody.
Andy's just about asleep.
489
00:23:45,658 --> 00:23:47,369
Do you wanna come up
and say good night to him?
490
00:23:47,393 --> 00:23:48,369
Oh, yes.
491
00:23:48,393 --> 00:23:51,228
Let's see that boy.
492
00:23:52,498 --> 00:23:54,843
Oh, um, are you
two coming along?
493
00:23:54,867 --> 00:23:56,044
No, we'd better not.
494
00:23:56,068 --> 00:23:57,545
Who knows what
incriminating stories
495
00:23:57,569 --> 00:23:59,503
Andy might have to tell Ellen.
496
00:24:01,474 --> 00:24:04,052
So after everything
you've heard tonight,
497
00:24:04,076 --> 00:24:06,988
do you, uh, still like me?
498
00:24:07,012 --> 00:24:09,591
Or should I take
the calculator back?
499
00:24:09,615 --> 00:24:12,060
Alex, do you really think
anything your family told me
500
00:24:12,084 --> 00:24:13,829
came as a surprise?
501
00:24:13,853 --> 00:24:17,800
I didn't exactly think it
was common knowledge.
502
00:24:17,824 --> 00:24:22,270
From the very beginning, I
knew that there was something
503
00:24:22,294 --> 00:24:24,606
different about you.
504
00:24:24,630 --> 00:24:27,776
Different as in, uh, good? Heh.
505
00:24:27,800 --> 00:24:30,812
Different as in...
506
00:24:30,836 --> 00:24:33,448
they've been a
wonderful six months.
507
00:24:33,472 --> 00:24:35,517
I love you.
508
00:24:35,541 --> 00:24:37,251
Happy anniversary. Heh.
509
00:24:37,275 --> 00:24:38,953
I love you too.
510
00:24:38,977 --> 00:24:41,578
Happy anniversary, Alex.
511
00:24:43,582 --> 00:24:45,226
Did you really invest
your father's money
512
00:24:45,250 --> 00:24:47,862
in the stock market?
34144
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