Original subtitles

♪ I'll bet We've been together ♪

♪ For a million years ♪

♪ And I'll bet We'll be together ♪

♪ For a million more ♪

♪ Ooh, it's like I started breathin' ♪

♪ On the night we kissed ♪

♪ And I can't remember What I ever did before ♪

♪ What would we do, baby ♪

♪ Without us? ♪

♪ What would we do, baby ♪

♪ Without us? ♪

♪ And there ain't No nothin' ♪

♪ We can't love Each other through ♪

♪ Ooh-hoo ♪

♪ What would we do, baby ♪

♪ Without us? ♪

♪ Sha-la-la-la ♪

Okay, Andy, these are your choices for dinner:

Stewed beef, stewed prunes, stewed peas, stewed figs,

or chocolate fudge ice cream.

Says he wants the ice cream.

Does he know that this is not as nutritious as the other things?

He does...

But he says you've got to live a little.

Hi, guys.

God, you look awful, Dad. You're all flushed.

You feeling all right?

I feel fine.

You sure you're not getting sick?

Of course I'm sure. I don't get sick.

I guess you just look awful for no reason, then.

That's right.

You see, it's all a matter of mind control.

You can't give in to sickness.

You gotta face it head-on and tell it, "Get lost, brother,

you're not using my body for your wild party."

He's delirious.

Well, I better get Andy out of here before he catches it.

What...? I am not sick!

I'll go get the thermometer.

I'm not si...

Look, I don't care if we do need the exercise.

The car broke down, we should've taken a cab home.

The car broke down?

I wasn't gonna waste my money on car fare.

And there's nothing wrong with a brisk walk.

Well, where did it break down? A brisk walk?

Mom, you overtook a moving train.

Look, if I was going too fast, Alex, you should've told me.

I tried to, Mom. The jet stream behind you drowned out my voice.

Hi, guys.

Steven, where'd you come from?

Uh, it's, uh, it's not important.

Look, just please tell me,

where is the car now?

Oh, it's up on 23rd and Hill.

I'm gonna call a tow truck. No, don't do that.

I'll just, uh, drive over there and take a look at it.

Hey, Dad? The car is dead.

You're not gonna be able to fix it.

What did it do before it died?

I don't know, made some kind of a noise.

Was it like, um...

brr-rr-rr-rr-rr-rr-rr-rr?

Vv-vv-vv-vv-vv.

Rar-rar-rar rar-rar-rar.

Roww-roww-roww-roww roww-roww-roww?

Roww-roww-roww, tick, tick, tick.

Tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick.

Chik, chik, chik, chik?

Sounds like a private conversation.

I'll come back later.

Obviously the problem was in the carburetor.

The choke must have closed up.

Uh, all you had to do was stick a screwdriver

in the top of the carburetor to get it started up again.

How'd you know that?

Well, it's very basic, Alex. Auto mechanics one.

Anyone who drives a car should know that sort of thing.

You know, Steven, you're right.

Well, what if Andrew were sick,

and I'm taking him to the doctor,

and the car breaks down?

Mom, at the speed you walk,

you'd be better off leaving the car at home.

You know, Elyse, if you'd like to take an auto mechanics course

there's a good one over at the community college.

Wait a minute, uh, Dad.

Mom in an auto mechanics class?

That'd be like you taking a course in embroidery.

Embroidery, hm. You know, I've always...

Dad.

Wait a minute, Alex, what are you trying to say?

Oh, come on, Mom.

Women do not belong in an auto mechanics class.

Men are just naturally superior in that field.

Oh, well then, maybe you can tell me

why you couldn't fix the car.

I could've.

If I'd had gloves.

Proper tools.

A mechanic.

Alex, women can fix cars

as well as men.

All right, Mom, all right.

What if you're... fixing a transmission,

and you break a nail?

Or you have to give birth?

Oh.

Alex, if you're so sure about your point of view,

why don't you take that course with your mother?

All right. All right, I will.

But only to prove my point.

Mom, I'm gonna be twice the mechanic that you are.

Ha!

Ha, ha. Ha, ha, ha!

Ha, ha, ha, ha.

I'll come back later.

All right, if you all gather round here.

Uh, right around here, we can get started.

What's in the briefcase?

Oh, uh, Wall Street Journal, Fortune Magazine,

latest economic forecast for the third quarter of '86.

I'm glad someone had the good sense to bring that stuff.

Thank you. Okay.

Now, the basic goal of this course is to provide

an understanding with how an engine works,

and to make simple repairs when it doesn't.

Uh, excuse me?

Yeah, what is it?

I was wondering if you could tell us a little bit

about how your grading system works.

Glad to. No grades.

Yeah, well, what I mean is... Is...

Let's say I'm better at automotive mechanics than...

Oh, let me pick someone at random...

This lady. Alex.

No, no, come on, Mom, let me finish.

Let's say I'm better than she is.

Now... Now how do I know

I'm gonna get the proper recognition?

I'll weld a gold star to your forehead.

Fair enough, fair enough.

Okay, now we're gonna start by identifying

different parts of the engine.

Now, what I'm gonna do is, I'll point to a part

and anybody who knows what it is,

just yell it right out. Okay?

And... Huh?

How about you, there, uh, Mr. Wall Street Journal?

What's that called?

Uh, well, let me see.

That, um...

Its, uh, its name, uh...

Is... Is derived from the Latin root,

um...

Car... Carparticus.

It's a fan belt.

If you wanna use the vulgar term for it.

All right, does anybody know what this is here?

Hm?

Huh? How about you, lady. Come on.

Oh, uh, Sam, Sam.

Uh, this...

This lady is my mother.

Recently released from the kitchen.

She doesn't know that much about cars,

so try not to embarrass her in front of the whole class.

It's the carburetor.

Right. Sorry to embarrass you.

Okay, does anybody know what this is?

Uh, that's where you pour the water in,

so it's the radiator, right?

Very good! Okay.

Now let's see if you can make it three for three.

What's that? Oh, that's easy, spark plugs.

Hey, this lady's hot.

I mean, she's on a roll.

She knows her way around an engine here.

Can we get back to work, please?

Since you're so anxious to get back to work, come here.

I got a special job for you.

Well, certainly, Sam. I'm your man.

You recognize real automotive talent when you see it.

I do.

And while your mother shows us

the rest of the parts of an engine,

why don't you go get me a cup of coffee.

Wait a minute. Me?

Yeah, you. You can recognize a coffee machine, can't you?

It's derived from the Latin

"coffee machinicus."

One hundred and two.

Gotta admit it now, Dad. You're sick.

I'm not sick.

Here, Dad, I heated up a nice can of soup for you.

Make you feel better.

Thank you, Mallory. I will eat this because you made it for me,

not because you think I'm sick.

It's a little thick, Mallory. How much water did you add?

Water?

Oh, hey.

How'd the class go?

Why don't we ask the teacher's pet?

That's not fair, Alex.

No, I'll tell you what's not fair, Mom.

Being sent to get coffee

while your mother plays Mrs. Goodwrench.

Did anything else happen we should know about?

No, no, no, nothing else happened.

Here, Alex, let's put some ice on that hand

before it swells up.

Are you sure nothing else happened?

I... I don't know how they could expect anyone

to change a tire with that rusty old jack

and not hurt themselves.

Alex, you hurt yourself

trying to take the jack out of the trunk.

Okay, all right. I admit,

I got off to a bad start today,

but I assure you I'll be better than her.

In fact, I'm gonna be the best student in the class.

And I won't have to be the teacher's pet to do it.

Alex. This is not a competition.

We are taking this class to learn.

No, Mom, you... You read books to learn.

You take a class to show how much you've learned.

To get A's. To... To be the best.

To beat your mom.

"To Beat Your Mom,"

isn't that the Harvard motto?

Okay, all right. All right.

Make your little jokes at my expense.

But don't come to me when your cars break down,

because I'm gonna be the one who's laughing then.

Don't come to me to recharge your carburetors.

Not this guy.

You recharge batteries, not carburetors.

I knew that.

Watch carefully, Skippy. You're about to see

an automotive genius at work here.

Now, this goes here.

This goes here.

And this goes right...

Then what?

This thing is impossible to put together.

There isn't a student in this class

who's gonna finish this project.

Mom did.

No.

Admit it, Alex. Mom's just a better mechanic than you are.

You're just saying that because she's your mother.

Hey, Alex, how's your project coming?

Fine, Mom, fine.

Looks like you're having a little trouble.

Uh, no, no. As a matter of fact,

I was just about to show Skippy

how to put this together blindfolded. Right, Skip?

Oh, yeah, right, right. And then, after that,

he's gonna put it together with both arms tied behind his back,

while his entire body is submerged in a tank of water.

Well, if you need my help,

I'll be happy to work with you.

Help?

Oh, Mom, who do you think you're dealing with?

Hey. Hey.

Hey. Hey.

Welcome to Cave World.

Hey, uh, Mrs. Keaton, this is a buddy of mine, Clete.

And he's got a little problem he'd like to discuss with you.

Oh, what is it, Clete?

Well, Nick here told me about how

you fixed his bike the other day.

He said you're a real grease monkey.

Oh, Nick, you always know just what to say.

Could you take a look at my car?

The engine is really cutting out at high rpm's.

It's beginning to get on my nerves.

Well, uh, maybe the plugs are fouled

or the injection system might be too rich.

Let's... Let's go take a look.

I can't believe this.

My mother is the underworld's mechanic of choice.

Hey, Alex.

What are you doing with that motor there?

He's been trying to put it together all day.

It took my mom five minutes.

Hey, here, you know, let me help you out.

I mean, you know, the first thing you gotta do

is get comfortable with your motor.

What do you want me to do, Nick? Take it out to dinner?

Hey, wait, you know, I'll get you started here.

All right, now, uh, give me that.

Okay, and, uh, hand me those gears.

All right, give me that plate.

Go get me a cup of coffee.

All right. Okay. All right, Nick.

Look, I am supposed to be doing this, not you. Come here.

Hi, everyone.

Why does your Dad sound like Lauren Bacall?

He's sick. No, I'm not.

And I don't sound like Lauren Bacall.

I'm sorry, I... I meant...

you look like Lauren Bacall.

You wouldn't be having this trouble

if you weren't undershifting, Clete.

You know, you've gotta wind it out in third gear.

Be more aggressive and for God's sakes,

stop babying that engine.

Thanks, Mrs. Keaton.

Oh, it's my pleasure.

Are you going with anyone?

Over here.

Hey, yo, Nick, Mal,

I gotta take you for a ride in this car.

You have got to hear this engine hum.

All right, let's go.

I hope I didn't spoil a fun evening for you, dear.

Steven, what are you doing out of bed?

I... I'm gonna take you back upstairs.

Elyse, I want to help him put together the starter motor.

No arguments, Steven.

Uh, you're too sick to be walking around.

I'm not sick!

Why does everybody want me to be sick?

Because we love you, dear.

Alex, how are you gonna put this together?

What I need is to see one of these in one piece.

My mother's is in the kitchen.

I'm gonna take a glance.

Whoa.

This is where it all begins, Skip.

This is what starts the car.

I thought the key starts the car.

What did you think, Skippy,

that the key wasn't connected to anything?

That there was nothing underneath the hood?

Yes.

Let's see.

That goes there,

that goes there.

I still can't see how the connection's made.

Gonna have to disconnect it.

What if you can't put it back together?

Come on, Skippy, I'm unscrewing one bolt.

A baby could put it back together.

Do you think your mom's gonna notice?

I can't believe I took this whole thing apart.

This project is due tomorrow, Skippy,

I gotta... I gotta put this back together.

But you don't know how.

Alex, you're never gonna get this working again.

I gotta get it a-at least into one piece

or she's gonna know I messed with it.

Alex, I'm shocked.

If you don't tell your mom about this,

she's gonna go into that class tomorrow

thinking it works fine, and she'll flunk.

She'll have to go back to automotive kindergarten.

She'll be a little embarrassed.

That's all.

I can't believe I'm hearing this.

You want me to admit that she knows how

to build a starter motor and I don't?

Oh, I'm sorry, I... I don't know what I was thinking, Alex.

Uh, why don't you just slap me?

Look, Skippy,

I may be doing this for my own reasons,

but... But she is too.

You know, in the brutal world of auto mechanics,

it's every man for himself.

Especially if that man i-is your mother.

Oh, Alex, that's not right.

Why don't you ask?

What's a mother for?

If not to rewire her son's starter motor?

All right. Who wants to go first?

How about you, Al, huh?

Let me hook your starter here, right up to the battery.

Aw, look, Sam, w-what's the point, really?

I mean, who am I kidding here?

My starter motor is not gonna work.

I don't know the first thing

about putting these things together...

I gotta admit, you surprised me, kid.

Let me hand it to you.

I had you figured for a lox.

But you hung in there and you learned something.

Right. Sure.

Next.

I don't believe it.

It worked.

Well, I... I have a little confession to make.

Uh, last night I went downstairs to... To get some milk,

and I... I sort of ran into your starter motor,

and I... I sort of fixed it for you.

You fixed it? Well, it was all wrong.

Well, w-why did you do that for me?

I wanted to help you.

I mean, we're in the same class, and the same family...

Mom, I feel terrible.

Well, why? You'd have done the same for me

if you knew that my starter motor was gonna blow up.

I know that, Mom, but... Blow up?

Yeah.

When... When you say "blow up," do...

Do you mean that any starter motor

that's hooked up that way will blow up?

That's right. Like, say, for example,

i-if your starter motor was hooked up that way it would...

Blow up. That's right.

All right, not bad.

Two for two, we're really cooking here.

Thank you.

How about, uh, our star pupil next?

Elyse, is it ready?

It's all ready, Sam.

Uh... Don't do it.

Huh? Why not?

Uh, well... Well, because we...

We all know she's an expert and, uh, and...

And really, it's a waste of the class' time,

not to mention a waste of electricity that could be used

to start underprivileged people's starter motors.

That's a lovely sentiment, kid,

but I got a class to run here.

No, uh, you don't understand.

Excuse me.

Hit the deck!

Do you know anything about this?

Jennifer, what are you doing down here?

You're supposed to be upstairs playing cards with Dad.

He said he wanted to take a rest.

And you fell for it?

Jennifer, you know we can't leave him alone for a minute.

He's gonna get out of bed and try to sneak downstairs.

Mom will kill us.

I just feel sorry for him.

He says he hates being sick.

He thinks he's letting us down or something.

I know, but if he doesn't stay in bed

he's never gonna get better.

Let's go check on him.

Dad!

Steven!

Dad?

Is Alex home yet?

I thought he was coming home with you.

We went in separate cars.

Well, I'm tired.

I'm gonna hit the old bedroom trail.

Nighty-night, sleep tight.

Night.

It's 5:00, Alex.

Jennifer, I need to talk to Alex alone, please.

Alex, what do you have to say for yourself?

I got an A on my starter motor.

Look, I'm sorry, Mom.

I just wanted to sneak a peek at your starter motor

to see how you put it together.

If you wanted my help, you should have asked for it!

I'd have been more than happy to help you.

I know.

I just... I couldn't bring myself to admit

that I needed your help.

So instead you took my help when I wasn't looking.

I'm sorry, I should have had the decency

to admit that you're a better mechanic than I am.

It's more than that, Alex.

All right. All right, Mom.

You... You've beaten me down.

I'll say it.

Women can do anything

men can do...

And should never be pre-judged

on the basis of sexual stereotype.

I said it.

It's more than that...

You mean I said it for nothing?

Alex, we...

We got into an auto mechanics course

to learn a few things.

But you turned it into some... Some major competition.

I mean, what difference does it make

who is better at auto repairs?

You're right, Mom, I mean, what difference does it make?

Although I could've been better than you if I...

Alex, please...

Sorry.

You-You are my son and I love you very much,

but sometimes you are so incredibly stubborn.

Sometimes you're just so proud

that you can't even admit that you're wrong.

And we both know where you got that trait.

Yeah.

From you.

No, not from me, from your father.

He's too stubborn to admit that he's even sick.

He doesn't want to admit

that anything has got the better of him.

Just like you.

I guess we are alike in that way.

It's just so unnerving to realize that there are

some things in your life that you can't control.

Honey, you... You put so much pressure on yourself.

Sometimes I lie awake in the middle of the night

worrying about you.

You do?

I want you to have a happy, healthy life.

But... But you're gonna be so busy

trying to be better than everyone

that you're not gonna let it happen!

I'll take it easy, Mom.

Promise.

You promise to ask for help if you need it?

I promise.

Listen, Mom, I...

I wanted to tell you that I am proud of you

for being the best mechanic in our class.

Thank you.

And, uh, I want to ask your help with something.

Very good.

What is it?

The car broke down on the way home.

It's at the intersection of 6th and Franklin.

I'll get my tools.