Original subtitles

Hello? Hey, hey. Hello? Buy me.

Hello, buy me, I'm marked down.

Cheapskate.

OK, Scooter, I came with you to the pet store.

Now, why are we here?

Feed the birdie. Feed the birdie, feed the birdie.

- Feed the birdie. - Ohh.

Aren't you the cutest thing?

- Oh! Bada bing! - Yeah.

Yeah, see? Girls love animals 'cause they're cuddly and cute.

You meet a girl in here, she's in cute mode.

All soft and mushy and vulnerable...

And we move in for the kill. I'm very impressed.

This is the cuttin' edge of cruising technology.

I'd just like to take you home.

Yo, sweetheart,

if you're lookin' for love and companionship,

why not take me home?

Mmm-mm.

I'm low-maintenance, affectionate,

- and I do tricks. - Can you play dead?

Ouch! That must've hurt.

Yeah, I'm devastated.

Ah! Yo, sweetheart, if, uh, you're lookin' for love...

Listen, I'm really sorry about my friend.

I don't think girls should be subjected to that obvious pick-up line.

But that's a pick-up line too, isn't it?

Well, uh, no, absolutely not.

I mean, not necessarily. I...

Oh, OK, yes.

- Is it working? - No.

Oh.

But you're cute,

so I'm willing to cut you a certain amount of slack.

- Oh. - Hmm?

Feed me, feed me! Feed me, feed me, feed me!

Listen, would you like to go someplace without the squawking animals?

- Mmm, OK. - Great.

Feed me, feed me, feed me, feed me...

Feed me. Feed me.

- Feed me, feed me. - All right.

All right, I'll feed you. Here, here, here.

This ought to keep you busy for a while.

So, uh, where were we?

- She your girlfriend? - Eat your chips.

Robbie never had a girlfriend before.

I'm really sorry.

I didn't know Mom was gonna stick me with the kid.

Gonna marry her?

- No. - Gonna kiss her?

Oh, I think it's very sweet that you're willing

- to take care of your brother. - Oh, well,

I'm one male that's not afraid to show his softer, nurturing side.

- Ohh. - Go on, kiss her. Kiss her!

A big wet one.

- Would you just shut up? - You shut up.

- No, you shut up. - You don't tell me to shut up.

You don't tell me what to do.

Is this some of the nurturing

- you were talking about? - Uh...

Fran, I had a terrible day at work and you'll hear all about it.

- Oh? - You're not Fran.

- Nope. - Who are you?

Hi, Earl, did you meet Robbie's friend Wendy?

Robbie's girlfriend. Kiss kiss, hug hug.

I'm Wendy Richfield.

- Richfield? - Yeah.

Well, now, isn't that an amusing coincidence?

The guy I work for, who makes my life an unending cycle

of humiliation and mind-numbing agony, is also named Richfield.

- Where does your dad work? - At Wesayso.

- Oh. - Well, son of a gun!

My hideous and evil boss also works at Wesayso.

Earl, what if Wendy's father is Mr. Richfield?

Oh, please, Fran.

You seriously suggest that this sweet and gentle flower

could be the daughter of that horrible,

unfeeling monster I work for?

Well, I do have a picture of him.

No, no, it's unthinkable.

I mean, could you imagine what a dinosaur

as ruthless and psychotic as Mr. Richfield would do to me

if he found out my son was dating his daughter?

Oh, no, must be someone else.

Sinclair!

Honey, I'm home.

Aaah!

- Ohh! - Ow!

- Ow! - Ooh!

Aah!

Sinclair, in here, now!

Here I am, my captain.

What's your son doing dating my daughter?

Oh, sir, they barely know each other.

They're practically strangers.

I'm not even sure he's my son.

They're sitting together in math class right now.

How do you know that?

You must have some kind of parental radar.

That's right.

The latest in overprotective parenting technology.

Wow.

That little blip is the apple of my eye.

Yes, I can certainly see the family resemblance.

Some may say I'm an overzealous control freak

- with paranoid delusions... - No.

But I like to think of myself as a loving papa.

And an affectionate employer, if I may be so obsequious.

Don't try to curry favor with me!

What is going on

between your blip and my blip?

Well, I may as well admit now, sir,

what you will beat out of me eventually.

Uh... they're sweet on each other.

What?!

Will you be eating me whole

or would you prefer to have me boned first?

Wait, I'm starting to like the idea.

Am I in your stomach yet?

See, Wendy's last four boyfriends

left her in the lurch, took off,

broke her little heart.

I don't want that to happen again.

But that wouldn't happen with your boy, would it...

Sinclair?

Oh, no, sir! My son would never do that.

Your daughter's such a precious flower, much like you, sir.

The delicate features, the laughing eyes, the...

Shut up!

All right, then.

Your son can date my daughter,

as long as you and I have an understanding.

Understanding?

You? Me?

Hold on!

She's on the move.

Left her locker, heading down the hall.

Oh, an unscheduled stop in the little girl's room.

- Wow. - Cover your eyes!

Whoa.

- Sir? - What?

How will we know when she's done?

Honey,

what's the best possible thing that could ever happen?

- World peace? - Better.

Mr. Richfield wants our son to date his daughter.

- OK... - Don't you get it, Fran?

If Wendy and Robbie work out,

our two families could someday be united in marriage.

Mr. Richfield and I could be family,

and he seldom kills family.

He's very sentimental that way.

"Love you, Robbie." "Love you, Wendy."

Kissy, kissy, kissy.

Yes. That's the right attitude.

I want everybody in this family to do their utmost

to bring these two deserving youngsters together.

I guess you don't want to hear the ugly Wendy rumors

- I heard at school. - You're right, we don't.

I want only happy faces and pleasant thoughts

- right up to the wedding day. - Dad.

Now, I'm gonna look at china patterns.

Charlene, I don't know Wendy very well,

but she seems like a nice girl.

I don't want you spreading idle rumors about her.

OK, Mom, but around school she has a bad reputation.

You mean she's...

fast?

I hear it's a lot worse than that.

Not that I'm complaining or anything,

but your shortcut from school

takes us three times longer than usual.

Oh, you caught me.

Well, maybe I picked this little path because

- it's miles from anywhere... - Yeah.

And I can have you all to myself.

- Oh. - Yo, Sinclair.

Or not.

What a coincidence, running into you kids

so far off the beaten path.

Robbie, how about if I meet you later at your house.

Then maybe we could spend a little time on our homework.

Oh, yes.

Whoa!

Just the two of us.

Bye. Uh... goodbye. See you.

A kiss on my cheek, Spike.

- What? - On my cheek!

If you hadn't shown up uninvited it could've been my mouth.

It could've been my lips.

It could've been your whole face, Sinclair.

I just saved your life.

I've been out asking around about Wendy.

I gotta tell you, she's bad news.

I'm not interested in your stupid locker room stories.

OK.

Last boyfriend transferred to a different school.

Never registered, never showed up.

Boyfriend number two allegedly went off to join the Army.

No record of his enlistment.

Number three: Josh Meltzer.

Whereabouts: Who knows?

Now, need I go on?

- What are you implying? - I think we both know.

There's a girl like that at every school.

A little more aggressive,

a little hungrier than the other girls.

She goes through boys one right after another.

- She chews them up... - And spits them out?

No! She digests them.

Four boyfriends disappear, never to be seen again.

Face it, Scooter, your girlfriend's an eater.

Face it, Scooter, it all adds up.

Whose idea was it to go into the swamp by yourselves?

It was her idea, but she is not an eater.

And whose idea was it to meet here, alone?

- She's not an eater. - Wrong.

Somewhere in her house there is a bib with your picture on it.

Oh, you're just jealous she picked me instead of you.

You don't want my help? Fine.

At least save your mother a messy cleanup.

Tell your girlfriend to eat over the sink.

Huh?

Hello, soon to be eldest child of the Sinclair family.

Hi.

What's that all about?

You're not gonna believe this.

Spike heard some idiotic rumor that Wendy eats her boyfriends.

Everybody knows that.

What do you mean, "everybody?"

Everybody. They're all surprised you lasted this long.

She must be dieting.

- Why didn't you say something? - I was going to. Here.

"Do nails, pick up eye shadow,

tell Robbie his life is in danger."

See, it was next on my list.

Ooh... Oh.

- Who's that? - It's me, Wendy.

Oh, my gosh, what's she doing here?

Well, maybe you invited her over?

Well, of course. She's coming over to study.

We arranged it. It makes perfect sense.

- You need to relax a little. Yeah. - What?

- Hi, Wendy. - Hi, Robbie.

- Ready to study? - Yeah, sure. Come on in.

- Where are your books? - Oops! Guess I forgot them.

- No books, huh? - Uh-uh.

I guess you just came over for a... bite to eat?

- Uh... - Um, listen,

not that I don't adore chatting with your family,

but weren't you and I hoping to spend a little time alone?

Yeah, we did say that.

Uh, Charlene, uh, Wendy and I want to be alone.

Don't you have someplace else to go that's not too far away?

Uh, OK, Rob. Hope I see you later.

Uh, say, you know,

just the other day I was thinking about Josh Meltzer.

Uh, you used to date him, didn't you?

Oh...

Uh, whatever happened to ol' Josh?

- I'd rather not talk about it. - Hmm.

I was just wondering.

Seems like he disappeared kind of suddenly.

Look, it got very messy and painful toward the end.

- Ow. - I was upset for a long time.

I gained a lot of weight because of Josh.

Oh, really?

But he's gone now, and you're here.

Yeah, well, gosh, it's getting late.

Uh... I really oughta be gettin' home.

Robbie.

Oh, uh... And here I am!

So, uh, how about a snack?

Mmm, you look good enough to eat.

Hey, ow! Get... That's my...

- Whoa! Whoops. - Jeez. Ow.

Hey...

Clumsy Daddy intrudes on an intimate moment

between his beloved son and even more beloved boss's daughter.

- No, no, Dad, we weren't... - No, of course you weren't.

You were "studying."

Well, I'll leave you two "scholars" to your "books,"

and there'll be no more interruptions.

No, Dad, stick around.

There's nothing a guy and a date likes better

than having his dad there.

What?!

- Really? - Yeah.

I thought I was the only one who liked that.

My dad always came along when I dated your mom.

Wow, stories from your youth.

I never tire of hearing those.

Well, here we go then. I'll never forget my senior prom.

Dad and my date disappeared somewhere.

And I was helping the chaperone...

Wendy called again.

OK. Thanks.

She's called three times. When are you gonna call her back?

- Sometime. - Robbie.

Yesterday you liked this girl.

Now, because of what others are saying,

you're ready to break up with her.

Pretty much, yeah.

Another wonderful day at work, thanks to you, son.

Your affection for Wendy

has spread its golden glow everywhere,

turning my life into a glorious wonderland of love.

I love Mr. Richfield, he loves me.

I love you. Love, love, love, love...

Robbie isn't talking to Wendy anymore.

Get out of my house!

But it's just not working out, Dad.

Yeah, so? You can still get married.

Oh, come on!

She's... She's pretty, she's smart,

she comes from a good family.

She significantly improved the quality of my life at work.

What could you possibly find wrong with her?

She's gonna eat me, Dad.

Well, no relationship's perfect, son.

Why, your own mother forgets to put the cap back on the toothpaste.

You don't get it.

Robbie, you have feelings for this girl,

but you're breaking up with her just because of a lot of rumors.

Does that make sense? When I first met your father,

a lot of my friends told me he had no ambition, he was lazy,

and he would stay a tree pusher all his life.

Now, were they right?

Well, that may not be the best example.

It's over between Wendy and me.

Why didn't I listen to them?

Fine, son. Go ahead, ruin my life.

But if you decide to end this important relationship,

you should realize that somebody's heart may be broken,

and you have to do the decent thing

and handle it face to face.

You expect me to go and talk to Wendy?

Forget Wendy!

Get your butt over there and apologize to Mr. Richfield.

Take him some flowers.

Earl, he needs to talk to Wendy.

A young girl's feelings are at stake here.

A big scary boss's feelings are at stake here.

You go talk to Mr. Richfield right now.

Apologize to him profusely,

and tell him I tried to talk you out of it.

All right.

Shoo!

Excuse me, Mr. Richfield?

- Who is it? - Uh, Robbie Sinclair, sir.

Ah, the young Sinclair.

Uh, I hope I'm not intruding...

Oh, no, no, no! I'm looking forward

to the opportunity to spend a little time with you...

alone.

Oh, thanks, Mom.

- Thanks, dear. - Good. Mine's still moving.

Wendy.

- Where's Robbie? - Why? Did you get the munchies?

He hasn't returned any of my calls,

I don't know why, and I really have to talk to him.

Uh... Uh, young Miss Richfield,

as much as I admire you, and your father,

I'm going to have to ask you to refrain

from eating any of my children.

- Please. - What are you talking about?

- You have a bad reputation. - Me?

I'm tired of all this ugly gossip.

Wendy, you should know that your fellow students

have been circulating a rumor

that you have an eating disorder.

- What? - You ate your last four boyfriends

and now you're gonna eat Robbie.

That's not true!

- I... I never ate anybody. - I believe you, dear.

But you have to admit, four boyfriends all disappear,

- never to be seen again... - I know, it's so strange,

but it's not me.

It's like there's something out there devouring my boyfriends.

Someone's trying to stop me from having any kind of relationship,

trying to keep me from growing up.

I mean, what kind of horrible monster would...

- Daddy! - Daddy?

Oh!

- Daddy? - Uh-oh.

There's something I've got to tell you,

and you may not like hearing it.

Uh-huh. What did you have for dinner tonight,

- fish or red meat? - Uh... red meat.

Ah, then the pinot noir.

Sir, your daughter's a really great girl,

- but it's not working out. - Aw, that's a shame.

I'm so sorry to hear that.

You see, she's got a big problem. She's an eater.

She is, is she?

That's very interesting.

You have to believe me. She's eaten her last four boyfriends.

You ought to be ashamed of yourself, Sinclair,

listening to a lot of idle rumors.

I know for a fact she didn't eat those boys.

Oh, you do? I'm so relieved.

Huh?

Uh... uh...

Mr. Richfield, what makes you feel so certain

your daughter didn't eat those boys?

Just call it a gut feeling, Sinclair.

But why?

Why would you eat all of your daughter's boyfriends?

Just call me an overprotective daddy.

Here, put this apple in your mouth.

Wait, I just told you we broke up.

I'm not her boyfriend anymore, so you don't have to eat me.

I'm afraid it's not that simple.

My daughter's very sensitive.

And after a breakup like this...

- Uh... - seeing you at school

every day would crush her little heart.

Trust me, it's better if I eat you.

Mr. Richfield, release my son immediately!

- Get lost, Sinclair! - OK, sir.

Daddy?

Open this door immediately.

Oh, kitten, um...

Daddy's a little busy right now.

Open or I'll never speak to you again.

Don't say that, snooky-poo.

Daddy will do whatever you want.

- Robbie, are you OK? - Yeah, fine.

Oh, son, I'm so glad we were able to save you

from this awful monster...

- Huh? - But wonderful boss.

Shame on you, Daddy.

You've been eating my boyfriends, haven't you?

Well, I was afraid they might try to take you away from me.

But why'd you have to eat them?

Well, I meant to just talk to the first one,

but I got carried away and ate him.

And after that it was like eating peanuts.

Oh, well. You promise never to do it again?

All right.

But get him out of here before I change my mind.

- Come on, Robbie. - OK, thanks.

- See you, Dad. - Run.

Well... Gosh, sir,

now that the two lovebirds are back together,

maybe we can rekindle the beautiful friendship

that's grown between us these last few days.

I just lost my dinner, Sinclair.

Don't make me lose my lunch.

I'm sorry I listened to what all those guys said about you.

I should've trusted my own feelings,

should've listened to my own heart.

Yeah.

And what's it saying?

That I like you...

- quite a bit. - Oh, Robbie.

Um, I like you quite a bit too.

Yo, Sinclair! Boy, have I got news for you.

Turns out I was wrong.

First time for everything, huh?

Uh, Wendy here is not an eater after all.

It seems it was her old dad all along.

Everybody's OK. No harm done.

So I think the best thing right now would be a kiss.

You want to spread some stories?

Tell 'em about this.

Bada bing!