Original subtitles

Now approaching the 18th tee,

tournament leader Earl Sinclair.

Hey, listen there.

Bet you never thought you'd hear those words together.

Sinclair and leader? Heh?

I've been waiting a long time for this, Roy.

I always lived with the secret fear

that my life had no meaning.

But if I par this hole, I become Earl Sinclair,

Wesayso Employee Tournament champ,

Southeastern Division, 35 and over.

That's not a life lived in vain.

All I have to do to ensure my time on this earth

has meant something, is not to choke.

- He's gonna choke. - Big time.

Ah! Jeez!

Hey, relax there, pally-boy.

All you gotta do is steer clear of those trees on the left...

If you hit it over there, it's the end of the world.

Hey, hey! I got enough pressure here.

No, uh, I mean those trees actually mark

the end of the known world.

Your ball goes over them, it sails off the edge

into a huge cauldron of fire-breathing dragons.

And they call this a par three?

Yo, Earl, you gonna swing during this epoch?

All right, all right.

- Ah! - Oh!

Come on, come on...

Oh...

Oh, my. Over the trees.

What a surprise.

Hey, don't sweat it, Earl. It could happen to anybody.

What's the penalty

for hitting the ball off the end of the world?

It's two strokes, I think.

I'm not taking the penalty. I'll play where it lies.

- What? - Hey, whoa!

Hey, you can't do that, pally-boy.

No dinosaur's ever gone past those trees.

You'll fall off the end of the world!

I'm not losing this tournament!

Rats!

I knew I shouldn't use the range ball.

I wonder where it went. Huh? What's this?

"Unspeakable horrors." That would have to be it.

That's the way my life works.

Maybe I should drop some breadcrumbs.

Honey, I'm home!

Oh, my allergies.

What's this?

Earl. Hey, Earl!

Wait up!

Hey, Roy, you came after me. Now that's a true friend.

Ah, Sid sent me to make sure you didn't cheat.

Jeez!

Oh! Oh, boy, that smarts.

- Hey. - Bah!

- Uh, Roy. - Yeah?

In the event that I actually fall off

the edge of the known world,

make sure you get the deposit back on the golf cart.

Oh, sure thing. OK.

Roy! You're not gonna believe this.

Huh? Hmm? Ohhh!

We'll never find your ball now.

It's not the edge of the world. It's a vast, uncharted new land!

- Yeah. - And I discovered it!

- Yeah? - Hey, I better make my claim official.

Yeah. Yo. Yo, yo, yo!

Quick, yell "dibs."

I hereby claim this land in the name of Earl Sneed Sinclair.

Yeah.

There. It is done.

Yep, my name's gonna go down in history, Roy.

Earl Sneed Sinclair, famous discovery guy.

Uh, what about me?

- Oh! Well, you'll be there too. - Yeah?

Not based on your own merit, but, uh...

simply by being close to me in my hour of extreme greatness.

Yeah. Roy Hess, passive observer to history.

Uh... Ooh!

Ah! We'll get at the scene.

Whoa!

Ow! Oh!

Cavemen? What are they doing here?

Trespassing, I'd say.

Oh, boy. For some reason,

they don't seem to know it's your land.

- Well, then let me inform them. - Yeah.

Ah!

Yeah.

Yuck, they're hairy little savages.

- Ain't they. - They'll have to go.

Nothing drives down the value of real estate like humans.

- Right, right. - Well, come, Roy.

History awaits our biased recounting of this momentous event.

Oh!

Yeah, we could significantly embellish...

I don't believe this!

I discover a whole new world, and no one cares!

Yay!

Well, there you go. See? He cares.

Mama discovered new world!

No, not Mama. Daddy.

Daddy discovered a new world.

- What did Mama do? - Mama did nothing.

Nothing! Yay! Mama did nothing!

I'm sure it's a very nice world,

but I don't know what you're gonna do with a million acres

when you barely have the energy to mow the front yard.

Robbie, will you please explain to your mother

the significance of my discovery?

Well, a find like this is followed by

an expansion of the dinosaur empire.

Which, ruthlessly and mercilessly,

crushes any life standing in its path.

Listen here, Mr. Knee-Jerk Leftwing World Domination Poo-poo-er.

It so happens that there's nothing out there to ruin.

Just some rocks and shrubs and cavemen.

Cavemen? There's cavemen living there?

They're not living there, they're just there.

Like the rocks and dirt. Are the rocks and dirt living there?

Dad, some anthropologists believe that the cavemen

have an agrarian culture with rudimentary spiritual awareness

and a close-knit family structure.

So do rocks!

It's their land. They were there first.

They're animals.

They may be smaller than us, but I can't think of a creature

- more blood-thirsty and savage. - It's Mr. Richfield.

- OK, that's one. - Yeah.

Um, hello.

Congratulations, Sinclair.

I heard about your historic discovery.

Oh, thank you, sir. I knew somebody'd be impressed.

Well, that's an awful lot of land you just got there.

Have you thought how you might rape and denude it?

Rape and denude it, sir?

Forgive me... industry jargon.

I meant develop it for the public good.

- Well, actually, no. - Yeah!

Good! Because the Wesayso Corporation

is in the unique position to convert that tree-choked jungle

- into a thriving metropolis! - Oh, I don't know, sir.

In the past,

you've used and degraded me in cruel and sadistic ways.

When you suggest you know what's best for the land,

I can't help but suspect you're trying to manipulate me.

Hmm. Have I mentioned we're gonna call it Sinclair City?

Start paving, bud.

Hey, how's it going, bud? What's that?

- We found some spotted owl. - Lunch!

OK.

The Earl Sinclair International Airport will be over there.

Another monument to your ego?

No, the monument to my ego

will be in front of the Galleria Earl.

More stores?

Did you have to name everything after yourself?

No. And if you'd just open your eyes, Mrs. Spoke Too Soon,

you'd see see that I named the city library after you.

- I'm honored. - Hey, Dad, look at this.

You keep saying cavemen are just animals.

I think they must be smart

if they made this. It's obviously a spearhead.

- It's a rock. - Oh. All right.

What about this? This is clearly a cutting tool.

Clearly another rock.

What about this? It's some kind of salad shooter.

The savages! They use vegetables as weapons!

But they're not savages! Look, I'm telling you.

You're destroying an entire civilization.

If there was a civilization here, we'd see some signs of it.

Like what?

Like billboards, tract homes, strip malls.

Those drive-through huts where you can drop off your film.

- Cookie! - I'm telling you,

cavemen have been here for years and haven't done a thing.

Maybe they like it this way.

And they like waiting two weeks to get their film back?

- But... - You're making the case for me.

Robbie's just expressing his opinion.

You don't have to be so hard on him.

Hard on him?

He's been raining on my parade since I found this place.

Look! Cookie!

Cookie for me!

Why can't he just be happy for me?

I mean, finally, I'm gonna be somebody.

I'm gonna be remembered. It's all I ever wanted.

Everybody wants to be remembered.

See? She gets it and she's only ten.

- Fourteen. - Whatever.

- Earl, where's the baby? - I'll find him.

There's no point in me sticking around here. Jeez.

Oh, Rob's a big boy. He'll get over it.

I'll name a bridge after him.

I'm rich!

- Hey, get back here. - No!

- Where'd you get those cookies? - Found 'em.

Right. I suppose they were lying on the ground.

That's right. One there, one there, one there.

Well, that doesn't make any sense.

Why would there be a trail of cookies

leading to this very spot?

- I don't know, but they're mine. - Hey!

- Mama! - Help!

- Help! Help! - Mommy!

- Help! - Told him they had spearheads.

Hey! Ow!

Help, help, help!

Robbie! Baby!

- They're not in their rooms. - Then search somewhere else.

Right, I'll check the mall.

I knew they didn't come home by themselves.

We should've stayed in the forest and kept looking.

We did look. They weren't there.

Come on, you saw the mood Robbie was in.

He's found the Baby and he's taking his

own sweet time coming home to annoy me.

Watch, I bet the two of them

come waltzing through that door any second.

Hi. It's me.

- Ah, thanks. - Roy, this is a bad time.

Robbie and the Baby are missing!

Oh, then I guess how I found his shoe

would stir up unpleasant memories.

Where did you find Robbie's shoe?

Uh, oh, in the forest,

next to a bunch of caveman tracks.

Cavemen? With Robbie and the Baby?

What if they've been carried off?

- Earl, I'm calling the police. - Uh, Frannie.

Frannie, my wife, my love. My partner in a certain

multi-million-dollar real estate venture.

I understand your concern about your offspring.

But let's not start a panic here

with irresponsible, unsubstantiated rumors

of savages carrying off children.

Our babies are out there, Earl. I'm calling the police.

Frannie, come on!

This is my one chance to be important.

It happened by accident, and it's not gonna happen again.

- Don't blow this for me. - We've gotta do something.

And we will! But let me handle it my way.

Besides, I'm sure they're perfectly safe.

Mama!

Huh?

Huh?

I'm sorry, I don't understand. Your language is very crude.

I imagine you're trying to communicate in your primitive way.

Don't get offended, I just don't understand... Blah, blah blah.

Blah, blah, blah, blah...

What the...?

- Uh... - Whoa!

Uh, please forgive me.

Many eggs hatch since I speak to another of my kind.

You're a dinosaur.

Yes. Cavepeople call me Wahatchi Muychacha.

- Muychacha. - It means "Thighs of Thunder."

They ask me, speak with you now.

- How are you called? - I... I'm Robbie Sinclair.

Robbie.

I'm the Baby. Uh, gotta love me?

- Cute. - Why are you living with the cavemen?

Oh, well, when I was small,

like, uh, Baby Gotta Love Me,

my parents, uh...

dinosaur, like you, bring me to forest for picnic.

But soon, I am alone.

Parents no more.

Oh, they died, huh?

No, two-career couple. No time for kids.

They leave me, drive away fast.

- That stinks! - Oh, no.

Cavepeople find me. Raise as one of them.

Live here many years. Very happy.

Until dinosaur come.

Rape and denude our land.

Make cavepeople angry.

That is why they bring you here.

Um...

Well, boys, as you might have heard,

we've had some caveman trouble.

Cavemen?

They're nothing but murderous varmints!

- Yeah! - The only good caveman

is a dead caveman!

Well said. That's why I want you all to be part of my posse.

Posse?

Gee, Earl, isn't that,

basically, some sort of vigilante group?

Ha! Better believe it.

- Sounds kinda dangerous. - Yeah, well,

with a posse, we can act quickly and do things our own way.

What you're saying is this posse would operate,

- essentially, outside the law. - Well, technically, yeah.

And in doing so,

wouldn't we be running roughshod over rights of the individual

- and due process? - Yeah!

In a fit of self-righteous vigilantism,

we could break the law ourselves.

- Couldn't we? - Huh? Theoretically, but...

If we were perceived as criminals,

what would keep a posse coming after us?

- And another after them. - Yeah!

We could be opening the floodgates to anarchy.

That's right.

Bringing about the demise of the family and other family...

- Earl? A word, please? - Huh?

Charlene and I are going.

- Where? - To get our boys.

Are you staying or coming with us?

I hear ya, I got more kids than you could shake a rat on a stick at.

Carry over to a posse-related injury? Huh?

- Let's go. - Good. Come on.

- Come on, come on, come on. - Come, the time is short.

- She talks funny. - Shush.

- You shush. - Behold.

- Cartoons! - Quiet.

For many years,

cavepeople live in harmony with trees and creatures.

Preserve land so all can live together.

Then dinosaur come.

Push down trees. Pour black rock over land.

Pave paradise, put up parking lot.

Dinosaur own land, but dinosaur not love land.

And this...

uh, pretty much brings us up to date.

Well, what is it you want us to do?

You must go now. Tell dinosaur what you have seen.

Tell them cavepeople want only to preserve

what is already here.

- Tell them... - Robbie! Baby!

Not the Mama!

The dinosaur have come.

Now it is up to you.

- There's their filthy rat hole. - Yeah.

OK. Now there's only three of us, so look fierce.

Right.

Now listen, you slimy hairballs!

You hurt one scale on my boy's...

- It's OK, Dad. - Robbie!

- Dad, Dad! - Not the Mama!

It's OK. We're fine.

- Oh! - My babies!

- Mama! - Baby!

Get back! They're coming out.

Oh! Take your brother home where it's safe.

Dad. Easy, Dad, they're not gonna hurt us.

Well, lookie here. A dinosaur gone caveman.

What's the matter? Couldn't cut it in the civilized world?

There is little civilized

about a world that treats land as you do.

This is my land, and I've got the deed to prove it.

But that's just a piece of paper, Dad.

- They were here first. - But I discovered it.

This is my chance to be part of history. To be somebody.

To have dinosaurs know who I am.

You're Earl Sinclair, aren't you?

You see?

Who are you?

Walter Sternhagen of Tax Assessment.

This is for you.

Oh, fame now has a double-edged sword.

Now that this area has been officially discovered,

it can be officially taxed.

And, according to our assessments,

the taxes on this little slice of heaven come to exactly...

$11,280,000.

That's insane! I don't have that kind of money.

Well, as we say in the tax assessment office, tough!

If it's your land, you gotta pay for it.

And if I don't?

Our collection department bites your face off.

Oh! Aw, jeez!

Who'd have thought making your mark on history could be so hard?

- Uh, Mr. Sternhagen? - Uh-huh?

Hypothetically speaking,

if this land belonged to, say, cavepeople...

- Yeah. - Since they're not citizens,

and they don't legally exist,

you couldn't tax them, could you?

- Well, actually... no. - Yes!

Dad, Dad, look. They're decent creatures.

If you let them keep their land,

you'd give them the chance

to live with dignity and harmony with nature

for generations to come!

That's really being somebody, Dad.

Plus, that's 11 million dollars the government will never see.

I guess... this belongs to you.

Today, he says, you have done a noble thing.

He says, today will always be remembered

for the generosity of the large plaid one.

We remember...

Earl!

- Huh. - Well, what do you know, Earl?

I think it looks like you're going to be remembered, after all.

I'm proud of you, Dad.

And so it was that a group of savage cavemen

came to own a million acres of prime real estate.

An hour later, representatives of the government met with the cavemen

and after several hours of delicate negotiations,

swindled... purchased the land from the cavemen

in exchange for $24 and some shiny beads.

Those noble, but financially naive, savages

will be relocated to a remote corner of northwest Pangaea,

but they won't soon be forgotten.

A brand-new baseball stadium

will be built on the cavemen's sacred burial grounds

and will serve as the home for a new franchise,

named appropriately, the Central Pangaea Cavemen.

The team's owners unveiled their new logo earlier today,

saying, "We'll miss those lovable fuzzballs, but hey,

it's a great day for baseball."