Original subtitles

This is the story of Fluffy.

"Now, Fluffy, the cuddly little lizard

frolicked through the smiling flowers

with his mother singing songs of love and joy."

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Get to the good part!

"Suddenly, Fluffy's mother collapsed

under the impact of two high-caliber shells from the happy hunter's gun."

Oh...

"Fluffy was sad. Fluffy was mad.

But what could the little lizard do?

Luckily, his friend Jimmy the weasel

knew a guy who'd whack anybody for 50 bucks."

Yay!

Hey, Ethyl, you wanna pipe down?

We're trying to watch TV here.

I love when Grandma reads to me.

Earl, I think Mother's reading to the baby

is more important than your watching TV.

- Says you. This happens to be an important TV show. - Yeah.

It's time again for Don't Lift That Heavy Object.

I love this show.

Real life dinosaurs caught in the act of moving heavy things.

- Neat. - Our hidden camera was on hand

to catch this father and son

playing a duet we like to call, Prelude to Pain. Let's watch.

All right, son. Now the key here is to lift with your knees.

OK, Dad!

One, two, three.

Oh, smoo!

Did he say what I think he said?

Dad, you said smoo.

It's not like we're on television or anything.

- Huh? - Huh? Holy smoo!

Are they allowed to say that on TV?

No! That's why it's so clever.

Something's funny.

Nothing's funny. Nothing's funny at all.

Mom, they said a dirty word on TV.

I will not have that kind of gutter language in this house.

Smoo.

What'd I say?

Honey, I'm home!

I said something.

Was it... smoo?

- We don't say that word. - Why?

- Because it's a bad word. - Why?

- Because it's dirty. - Why?

- Ask your mother. - Why?

Uh... It means... Well, it means...

It means the bottom of a dinosaur's feet.

And feet touch the ground and get dirty, so...

it's a dirty word and nice dinosaurs don't say it.

- Why? - Because it's not nice.

And it certainly doesn't belong on TV.

Oh, Fran, lighten up.

You think dinosaurs have so little going on in their lives,

that they'd really care about one little word some guy says on TV?

I'll always remember exactly where I was

when that guy said "smoo" on TV.

Yeah, I got it on tape. I must've watched it a thousand times.

I laughed so hard I thought I was gonna have to call in sick today.

Sinclair, in here now!

- He heard us laughing. - He thinks we're happy.

- Yeah, he hates that. - Yeah.

Yes, my captain?

The company's board of directors has made a decision that affects you.

Oh, how surprising and unfortunate that they should notice me.

They decided to offer an incentive program to get you freeloading,

- lard-filled princesses to work harder. - Incentives?

I thought holding your head under water until your eyes bugged out

would be more productive, but I was overruled.

Oh, shame.

So, somehow, since this week you've managed

to push over more trees than your half-dead friends,

you get a little gift from me.

- Ooh. - Goofball.

Uh... A-ha!

Here. Don't let it go to your head.

Oh, a treasure. Thank you, sir.

Thank you.

Well, my wife and I have always wanted one of these.

- It's just a staple! - Oh, I know, but I choose to see it as so much more.

It's the, uh, staple of honor.

More than honor, really. It's a blessing.

A cherished blessing that swells the...

Excuse me, am I interrupting anything?

Your husband's trying to form a sentence.

You forgot your lunch this morning, so we thought we'd come by and drop it off.

Oh, thanks, honey. Hey, the corporation is honoring me today.

- Oh... - Isn't that nice of Mr. Richfield?

Smoo!

What'd he call me?

- Uh... he said Lou. Yeah, Lou. - Lou?

You see, he thinks of you as his sweet Uncle Lou.

- No. - My name's not Lou!

I know, but don't you find the uncle part endearing?

You're a big smoo!

Well, we'll just be going.

- No, no, no. A big what? - A big shoe.

Yeah, yeah. Shoes are his favorite...

- No. - Uh, foot covering.

- It's the ultimate compliment, really. - Not shoe, smoo!

A big, fat smooey smoo!

Not much I can do with that one.

I am so sorry, Mr. Richfield.

It's something he heard on television last night.

I shower you with presents and this is the thanks I get?

You bring your child here to abuse me!

I'm gonna rip your head off and play hacky sack with it!

Well, thanks for stopping by, Fran.

Parts of me will be home later.

It's not my bath time. What's going on?

We'll see if we can't wash

those dirty words out of your mouth

with a little soap.

I don't like this.

Now. Any dirty words left in there?

Smoo!

Good work, Mom. I'm sure we've all learned a valuable lesson.

- Smoo! - Oh!

Hi, honey.

Are you all right?

Hey, Dad, some jerk put a sign on your back.

It was Mr. Richfield. I think you kids called him enough names for one day.

You're home. Don't you think you can take it off?

I would, but it's covering an unsightly wound.

Oh.

Earl, I've got to make dinner and Robbie's doing his homework.

- Will you baby-sit for a while? - Sure, sweetheart. No problem.

- Thanks. - What are we doing? What now?

The word "smoo"

was uttered for the first time on network television.

Tonight, on the news, we'll be saying the word itself.

- Smoo. - Hey.

I don't think the baby should be watching television these days.

If he can't watch TV, what am I supposed to do with him?

- He's your son. Play with him. - Whoa!

For how long?

Uh... give me an hour. I'm making dinner.

An hour!

- Daddy! - What?

Play a game?

- OK. - Goody.

Let's play, um... Where's Daddy?

Where's Daddy?

- This game stinks. - Found me yet?

- Huh? - Found you!

All right, now what?

Make a face.

Again!

Again!

Daddy's tired of making faces.

What else you got?

More!

Take this!

More!

More!

Oh... Oh!

Oh!

Oh!

- All right, that does it. - What?

- You're watching TV. - Hey!

- Mama said no. - I don't care.

- Oh... - How bad can it be?

The Friendly Bunny will not be seen tonight

so that we may bring you the following brand-new program

quickly thrown together in a shameless grab for ratings.

- Oh, this should be good. - It's The Smoo Show.

Smoo!

♪ We're saying smoo ♪

♪ Ooh ♪

♪ 'Cause it's what we do ♪

- ♪ We're saying smoo ♪ - Smoo!

♪ And it's just for you ♪

♪ Smoo, smoo, smoo, smoo, smoo ♪

- Earl Sneed Sinclair! - Oops.

I thought I told you to turn off that TV.

- Smoo! - Oh!

Fran, how did I know this was gonna be on?

You never know what these network guys are gonna do.

That's right. So until we're sure it's safe, this TV stays off.

You'll just have to spend some more quality time with your child.

Hello? Is this the network? Yeah, I wanna talk to somebody

about changing all your programming, right now.

And don't try to give me the runaround,

'cause I won't take no for an answer.

Yeah, I'll hold.

- Mr. Flearing. - I'm in a meeting.

I've got some guy on line two with a complaint.

What? A complaint about television? Really?

Yellow!

I want to complain about one of your shows.

You're kidding. What are you, some kind of nut?

- No. - Well, you sound like a nut to me,

'cause only a nut would call a TV station to complain about something.

I'm not a nut.

Oh, sure you are. Go ahead, say something nutty.

I don't think you should be airing a show that has the word...

smoo in it. Especially when children could be watching.

I'm gonna stop you there.

You're a member of a lunatic fringe group, aren't you?

No, I'm just a guy who thinks that what you're doing is wrong.

Look, sir... I think we know a little bit more than you do

about what should and shouldn't be on television.

And we can't respond to every whacko out there with a phone.

Hey, buster, I've got a legitimate gripe here and you're gonna listen.

No, I'm not.

Can we watch TV now?

No, not yet. Not until my voice is heard.

Not until the arrogant despots who control television

are brought to their knees by the righteous indignation

of common, decent folk with too much time on their hands.

What's all the fuss in there?

Oh, Earl's called a big meeting of the neighbors

about cleaning up television.

You're welcome to join them.

Please, I have a life.

Mom!

Read me a story, Grandma Smoo.

You really think that's funny, don't you?

What? Smoo? Smoo funny?

Smoo. Smoo! Yes, smoo funny!

Call me when you clean up your act.

Last night the TV was off, and for the first time ever

I spent two solid hours playing with my kid.

Yeah, my children and I spent the whole evening talking to each other.

It was a nightmare.

- I can't live this way. - No!

- It's the network's fault. - Uh-huh, exactly!

They've unfairly shifted the burden of raising our children to us.

And as concerned parents we have to fight that.

But what should we do?

We're gonna have to force the network

to take all the shows that use dirty words off television.

- Mm-hmm. - Good idea.

Yes, exactly.

Maybe we should just stop watching the shows that bother us.

Maybe we should take responsibility

to control our children's viewing.

- Oh, well... - Huh?

Frannie, this is a community meeting,

and everyone's entitled to their opinion.

If you want to have an opinion that's different from ours,

I suggest you get your own meeting.

- I'm with Earl. - Me too.

Let's go down to that network and march.

And make a big stink.

The time for reasonable discussion is gone.

It's time for mindless, reckless action!

Stay tuned for the new hit show that's so controversial,

a bunch of nuts are outside trying to stop it. The Smoo Show.

Hey, kids. Is it off? Did they take it off yet?

The Smoo Show, now on seven nights a week.

- Nice day's work. - Yeah.

Thanks, Mr. Negative.

I'll have you know we were out planting the seeds of change.

You just wait. Those seeds are gonna bear fruit.

Then, from the producers of The Smoo Show,

it's The Flark Show followed by Kiss My Glick.

Who can say, Dad? It's probably just a coincidence.

Yeah, you got them on the run.

A couple more protest rallies, they'll make it into a mini-series.

Ha, ha, ha. You have anything to say?

Flark, bad. Glick, bad.

There, see? My message got through.

Smoo? That's funny!

Oh, this is so discouraging.

TV has become the cesspool of vulgarity.

Then why don't you just turn it off?

Because I shouldn't have to turn off my TV set, ever!

I worked my whole life, I raised a family.

I wanna be able to park them in front of the TV, and know they're gonna watch

good, clean, time-consuming, energy-sapping entertainment.

So by the time I get home, they can barely wave hello.

Well, obviously, the TV network doesn't care how you feel.

Then I'm gonna have to go over their heads.

And because my appeals to the cultural elite who run television

were ignored, I appeal to you,

the highest and most revered authority in the land to take action,

and remove the word "smoo" from our living rooms.

Put it back in the bars and construction sites where it belongs.

He's right.

- He has a point. - I agree.

The word must go.

So be it. The word "smoo" is stricken from television.

"Smoo" stricken.

Thank you. Thanks.

Wait, wait, wait. What about "flark" and "glick?"

Gone!

- Yes! - Good.

Thank you for demonstrating that public policy,

affecting the rights of millions, can be altered by a small but vocal minority.

- Anytime. - Thank you.

Excuse me, since we're on the subject,

there's another word that's bothered me.

You know how sometimes on TV when a kid says, "Da-a-ad."

I hate that because then my kids do it.

- I agree. I hate that too. - I think it should be against the law.

Not just on TV, but everywhere!

- Yeah. - Good idea.

Here's one. I never liked the word "tush" or "tushie."

And I, for one, don't want my kids hearing it or saying it.

- Mm-hmm. - No one may say "tush" anymore.

Kiss "tush" goodbye.

- Hear, hear. - What a relief.

I thought tushie was quite cute.

I know! Why don't we make a list of all the words that bother us,

and then... outlaw them!

Why stop at words? Why not ideas too?

- Hey, hey, wait a minute. - Huh?

Aren't we, maybe, going a little too far?

Now lookie here. Do you want a nation

where everybody has complete freedom of speech,

and you have to spend all your time supervising your kids, or would you

rather the government handle it? And you can have more free time.

- Free time? - Got my vote!

Number 63. "Any words that sound like 'smoo' are also prohibited."

- What are you, kidding? - No, no, no. It makes perfect sense.

"The number two will now be replaced by 'not one'."

Hey, slow down. So that'd be...

One, not one, three, four, five.

- Like that? - There you go. See how easy?

- I get it. - Hmm.

"A female with the name Sue will now be known as Milly.

And cows should not say moo anymore.

They should be encouraged to speak in complete sentences."

- That's ridiculous. - Yeah.

Which brings me to number 64.

"No one's allowed to question, complain, or even discuss this list."

- Not discuss it? - Hey!

Grandma won't read to me? Fine. I'll read myself.

Me va vuaga.

Wow. Harder than it looks.

This is Shouting Match. A no-holds-barred discussion

of today's hottest issues.

Featuring Pangaea's most confrontational media pundits.

Today's provocative, controversial subject is... flowers?

- All right, flowers. Joe. - Uh... Well, I like 'em.

Good. OK, now, for the feminine point of view, Sue! Uh, Milly.

- You wanna know what I think? - Yeah!

- I like 'em too! Yeah. - Good.

Especially, uh... daisies.

- Daisies? - Yes!

- Daisies! - Mm-hmm.

Doesn't anybody have the courage to say what they think anymore?

Well, they're making a very controversial gravy

on the Recipe Channel.

Honey, I'm home.

Earl, what is that on your legs?

Uh, they're called pants. They're remarkably uncomfortable.

The government said we're supposed to wear them from now on.

Why?

- I have no idea. - Grandma.

I'm not gonna wear those things.

Oh, you don't have to. These are for you.

They're called pantyhose.

You wanna talk about real torture?

Grandma!

This has all gone way too far.

But it's what we have to do, if we want to keep our kids from saying bad words.

Believe me, it's related.

- Grandma! - What is it?

Read me a story.

Like I said, I'll read to you

when you stop saying that word.

Um...

OK!

- Just like that? - Just like that.

- Why? - My grandma better.

See? You don't have to make a federal case out of it.

Give me the book, kid.

- We're back in business. - Yay!

"Now Fluffy, the cuddly, little lizard..."

What just happened?

Mom figured maybe the best way

to solve a family problem is to handle it at home.

I guess you think she was right.

- Don't you? - Oh, all right, yes.

I guess, maybe, I overreacted

when I had the government abolish all our personal freedoms

just to stop our kid from saying dirty words.

Well, instead of asking the government to be the parents for us,

maybe we should just grit our teeth

and put in the hours with our children ourselves.

But we don't have to anymore.

Now we can just sit them in front of the TV.

- It's all cleaned up. - But what's he getting out of TV?

Um... nothing bad.

But nothing as good as spending time with his father.

"Fluffy was still very wise."

But it's just such hard work being a parent.

Can't society do it for me?

You like wearing those pants?

OK, Ethyl, hand over the book.

Yeah!