Original subtitles

Honey, I'm home.

Hey, morning, Earl.

Morning, Roy.

How was your weekend?

I had two days of pure enjoyment mapped out,

then I got home Friday and remembered I had kids.

You had to change your plans, huh?

Oh, no. I turned up the volume on the TV

so I couldn't hear the little monsters screaming.

You're a lucky fella, Earl. A beautiful family

and a TV with a more than adequate sound system.

I'm really proud of that TV.

How was your weekend?

Well, I'm a single guy,

so, you know, my weekend was completely different from yours.

I watched TV alone.

Get in here now, you two quivering bags of pus!

What can we do for you, sir?

Dance.

Dance?

Now!

- Oh, OK, OK. - Oh!

♪ Da da da-da ♪

♪ Da da da-da ♪

Ha ha ha!

Ha ha ha!

Enough!

I just wanted to see if you'd do it.

Well, having successfully humiliated ourselves,

will that be all?

No! The company's got a problem!

We need your help.

Help?

We've got a little problem with the public.

They hate us.

My nephew says it's because

we're a vicious despicable corporation

with operations that, if left unchecked,

could destroy the entire planet.

Well, he's just a boy.

And now he's just a boy without a head!

We have no intention of changing the way we do business.

That would be costly and stupid.

What we want to change is the public's perception of us!

You can't possibly bite off everyone's head...

can you?

Well, as much as I'd like to, it's not cost-effective.

So we're going to launch an ad campaign,

use an actual Wesayso employee and his family

to make us look friendly.

We need to find the perfect family

for the perfect media blitz.

Tryouts are tomorrow. Here's some fliers.

Spread the word.

Oh, sir, I'd like to be there,

but I just remembered my wife made plans

for my family tomorrow.

Well, then I guess you have a choice to make.

Who do you love more,

the company...

or your wife?

But we were going to go on a picnic today.

Frannie, this company doesn't ask much from me,

so if occasionally they need my help to hoodwink the public,

I'm going to give it to them.

Besides, the winning family gets a set of power tools.

Dad, not to sound crass or anything,

but what's in it for me, huh?

The love of your father.

And 15 bucks?

- Deal. - Good.

- Earl. - I'd have gone to 20.

I want 20.

You don't need money.

Twenty-five.

I should get 30. I'm the cutest.

I'm the cutest.

- Are not. - Whaah!

Stop crying. Nobody believes you.

- Yes, they do! - No, they don't!

If I get them to shut up, can I have their money?

Will you all stop bickering?

Excuse me, do you mind?

There's no bickering in the perfect family.

No! No! No! This family's all wrong!

They're amphibians! No one can relate to amphibians!

Bring me a family with lungs!

Oh, those poor dinosaurs.

Oh, forget them. They're bums.

They're lungless bums.

Come on, everybody!

Let's practice some of our happy family poses

- I showed you. - Yeah. Yeah.

Places. Come on, Fran.

Ready?

And... Go!

Hello. We're the happy Sinclair family.

I'm happy Robbie Sinclair.

And I'm happy Charlene Sinclair.

I'm the baby.

And?

Aah!

And now I'm happy.

That's it! I do everything for this family!

And when I ask for a little help, what do I get?

Bupkis!

Well, from now on,

things are going to be a little different around here.

From now on I'm not going to be nice anymore.

I'm going to be unpleasant.

Uh-huh.

Hello. We're the Sinclair family.

Pose, everyone. And we're very happy to be here.

This is my son happy Robbie.

Hi.

My daughter happy Charlene.

Yeah, yeah. Let me look.

Hey, does anyone know if this audition

includes a bathing suit competition?

Uh-huh. Uh-huh!

Huh?

I like this guy.

Hey.

What do you mean? He's not even a family.

I am too. I'm a family of one

and we all get along real well.

Would you step in here for a moment, please?

- I am in here. - No, in here,

in place of the big ugly one in the middle.

You, you, come on, come on, out.

Who, me?

Go! Go! Let's go!

Move, move.

You, big guy, get in there.

Yeah. Oh, there's our gold.

Look at me.

That's it.

This will work.

Congratulations. You're the new Wesayso spokesfamily

because... I say so.

But...

- Hey, cool. - I like that.

OK, here we go. Say tar pit.

Oh, well.

Boy, life can be so ironic, huh, pally-boy?

- I feel like ripping out my eyes. - Thanks.

Sinclair! Office!

Hey, there's a couple of words

you hate to hear next to each other.

You called for me, my captain?

Sinclair, you are a troublemaker!

Oh, I'm very, very sorry. Will that be all?

Don't you even want to know why you're a troublemaker?

Well, I think I've taken up more than enough of your time, sir.

Those ads with your family and your idiot friend,

they're a big hit.

The company wants to do more.

Oh, I see. And this would affect me

in some negative way, I'm guessing?

If the public were to find out that the Wesayso spokesfamily

isn't really a family, we might look dishonest.

Oh, how unfair that your insidious plan could come back to haunt you.

It's not gonna, 'cause you're going to move out of your house

and let Roy run your family.

Create the proper appearance.

Move out of my house?

For how long, if you don't mind my asking.

What am I, a mind reader?

A week, a month, a decade,

as long as the campaign's successful.

You do want the campaign to be successful, don't you?

You do want to help your company,

don't you, Sinclair?

Huh?

Good news, pally-boy?

They're giving you my family.

Oh, well, that's nice of them.

What do you get?

I get to help the company.

Wow! We both made out like bandits.

Well, this is it.

It's just not right that they can make you

move out of your own house like this.

They're a big company, Fran. I think they'd know what they're doing.

Gee, Dad, it sounds like you've been brainwashed or something.

Exactly. And that brainwashing

has put food on your table and clothes on your back.

And now the suitcase in your hand.

And a darn nice suitcase it is.

Now, kids, in a few moments,

you'll be getting a new father,

and a profound change like this

can bring on a flood of complicated feelings,

feelings you may want to share.

Let's start with Charlene. Sweetheart?

- Hello! - Oh! Sorry, Dad.

I wasn't paying attention.

All right. Robbie.

Um, does this mean we have to buy

two Father's Day gifts from now on,

or can you guys just split one?

Hmm... OK. What about you?

Is Mama leaving?

No.

Then it doesn't affect me.

Hey, hey! Daddy's home!

Hmm? Hmm?

Oh, sorry there, pally-boy. I didn't know you were still here.

Oh, that's all right, Roy. I was just leaving.

Nice shirt.

Oh, thanks.

I thought it would make the transition easier on the kids.

Here, Roy, let me take your bag.

Listen, Fran, I'm sure this must be awkward for you,

so if you don't want to sleep together

for the first few nights, I understand.

Earl!

Roy, you're sleeping on the sofa for as long as you're here.

Gee, you sure that's OK with Mr. Richfield?

Look, Roy, we're just pretending

you're the man of the house. No perks. Got it?

- Got it. - Good.

Hey, pally-boy.

Mm-hmm?

Let me get a few specifics on this dad business.

How's it done exactly?

Well, first of all, expect to fail.

Then when you do, you won't be disappointed.

Basically, kids are a guy's punishment

for having one night of fun with the wife.

Oh, jeez. Any other side to it?

Oh, sure. There are little moments of joy

like when they're asleep

or staying at a friend's house,

but they always wake up in the morning

and always find their way home.

Ah, the important thing is not to be bitter.

No, no, no. No, you just learn

never to expect any love, appreciation,

or even acknowledgement, especially from this one.

Ah.

Daddy.

Huh. Daddy?

Sheesh.

Here you go.

Thanks a lot.

Well, I'm a bachelor now.

Might as well make the most of it.

Fun, fun, fun every waking minute.

Anything I want any time I want.

Hey, Earl. What'll it be?

A home-cooked meal and the love of a good female.

How about a shot of something strong and cheap?

Close enough.

I lost my family.

Gee, I'm sorry to hear it.

Is there going to be a service or something?

No. They're not dead. They're just more photogenic than I am,

so the company asked me to leave.

Well, the company would know best.

Hi. We're a Wesayso family

and we're proud of that.

Wesayso Products are built with love

by good, honest, caring dinosaurs like my husband.

Yeah. Oh, kids, dinner's ready.

And when you care that much

about the products you build,

it can't help but rub off on the dinosaurs

that you build them for.

Ooh, I love you, Robbie.

And I love you, too, Charlene.

I love you, Mom and Dad.

And we love you.

And you, too, Robbie.

And you, too, Baby.

And I love everybody and everything

because I'm the baby, and I'm full of love.

- Aw! - Aw!

Yes, life is good because...

- Wesayso! - Wesayso!

What a great ad. Only a great company

could make a great ad like that.

Hey, wasn't that guy Roy?

Yep.

With my family.

This can't last.

Dinosaurs who know me

are going to wonder what Roy is doing up there instead of me.

Didn't you wonder?

Not really. TV's a powerful medium.

I don't feel comfortable questioning it.

You want another drink?

No. It might make me depressed.

Hi. We're the Wesayso Family.

We love each other,

and we love you, too.

Mwah!

Line 'em up.

You got it.

"Chapter Four, installation."

"First, set the rotary blade over the metal plate

on top of the disposal unit and fasten securely."

I don't like this book.

Oh, it's a little dry,

but it's important we have these father/son moments.

Now, section two.

- Ohh! - "Aligning the blade assembly."

This book is boring!

Boy, that could get old real fast.

Roy, can I borrow the car for a few hours?

Don't see why not.

And some credit cards?

- Oh, help yourself. - Thanks.

Just make sure you put them back when you're done.

Oh, I will. By the way, you're doing a great job as a dad.

Well, it's easy when you have such considerate children.

Hi, everyone.

Huh? Monica!

Hi, Roy. How's it going?

Hey... Monica.

Charlene, what are you doing in your mother's purse?

Dad said I could borrow some credit cards.

- Dad? - Yeah.

Oh, Monica.

I don't think so.

- Yeah, but... - Close the purse.

Oh, boy!

Now back away from it.

First I have two dads,

now I have two moms!

Just when I thought I had them...

Roy, I think the kids might be trying to take advantage of you.

Oh, my little bundles of joy?

Not even a possibility.

Give me sugar!

Oh, right away.

- Roy, stop. - Huh?

Hi there. Hi.

Your skin is so blue.

Did you even hear a word I said?

You have such lovely eyes.

They sit almost perfectly in your sockets.

Hi, Monica. Morning, Roy.

It's my wife Fran.

Hi, Fran. I just dropped by to borrow a couple of eggs.

No problem.

Great.

I... I can explain, Fran.

So how's it going?

A little weird,

but I've accepted that life in general

is a little weird, so I'm coping. Here you go.

Thanks.

Well, see you later.

Bye.

Uh, sure thing.

Uh, Fran, it wasn't what you think.

Excuse me?

Oh, OK, it was. It was what you think.

I'm sorry. I've betrayed you and my family.

I am so ashamed.

What are you talking about?

Well, Monica. I'm in love with her.

And yet I know you are sort of my wife now.

I'm torn between two dinosaurs, feeling like a fool!

Roy, you don't have to be faithful to me.

Oh, that's very modern of you, Fran,

but it's the least I can do

considering my parenting skills are highly questionable.

- You're doing fine. - Yeah.

But I'm no Earl.

That may be, but Earl's not here, is he?

Earl chose to do what the company wanted.

So instead of being here with his family,

he's over at your apartment right now

probably having the time of his life.

Mmm...

Huh?

- Morning, Earl. - Morning, Arnie.

I missed you. Did you miss me?

Yeah, a little, but I think it's good for our relationship

that we spend some time apart.

Oh.

Oh, there were a couple messages for you.

And I took the liberty of ordering

some more of these cocktail onions. We were running low.

Thanks. So, how you doing?

How am I doing?

You mean how am I doing now that I have no family?

Now that I've been all alone for three days

with no one who cares about me or even knows I've gone

or even remembers my name?

Still feeling a little self-absorbed, I see.

Are you, uh, Earl Sinclair?

I used to be.

I got some power tools for you here.

Power tools?

From Wesayso, the company that builds with love.

So what'd you do, win them?

No, I traded my family for them.

Really? I'd give you my mother for the socket wrench right now.

Mmm.

OK, don't. See you at the company picnic.

Company picnic?

Yeah. This weekend.

My boy and I have been practicing

for the wheelbarrow race for weeks.

Robbie and I used to kill at the wheelbarrow race.

We're defending champs. It'll break his heart if I'm not there

to hold his legs and push him.

I know the company thinks Roy makes a better dad,

but in this case, I think I do.

Because my arms are longer.

Are you saying the company might be wrong?

'Cause that would be anarchy.

Oh, I'm so confused, but I've got to do something,

even if it means leaving this bar.

Welcome to the company picnic.

We got enough food

for everybody to have one serving,

so don't try and stuff any of it down your shirts

'cause everybody'll get searched before they leave.

And remember to keep the noise down,

and don't let your kids touch anything.

OK, one big, happy family.

Smile, smile. Come on, smile.

Baby, come on, smile. Come on, smile! Give me a big one!

Baby, come on, smile, smile.

I am smiling!

Give me a big one.

Aah!

Bigger, bigger, bigger. Bigger, bigger, bigger!

Come on, give it to me, you little squirt.

My face hurts.

And...

Good!

Excellent. OK, that's enough for today.

Now go mingle with the other families.

And here are some suggested things

that we'd like you to say to them.

Good. Thank you very much. Somebody make me a sandwich.

"It sure is generous of the company to throw a picnic for us."

"No need for a union here." Oh, jeez.

Ahem.

- Dad! - Dad!

- Huh? - Hi, kids.

Hi, Frannie.

Hello, Earl.

Uh, I... I suddenly feel a little uncomfortable.

Earl's presence makes me feel kind of, uh, undefined.

Beat it.

Ahh, clarity.

Uh... uh, kids...

I'd like to speak to your mother alone, please.

- Oh. Yeah. - Sure. Bye, Dad.

Don't be a stranger.

Uh, you, uh...

You don't seem very happy to see me.

You left us, Earl. Why should I be happy?

I just did what I was supposed to do.

You did what the company told you to do.

What did you expect me to say to them,

"I can't start a whole new life

because I have a family"? They'd make fun of me.

Well, then I guess you've made your decision.

Attention!

Everybody, shut up!

All right.

We're going to do the father/son wheelbarrow race now.

All teams report over to the starting line.

So how do you do this thing again?

Oh, you just grab my ankles and try to keep up.

Food, food, food, food. Where's the pie-eating contest?

The Wesayso Company reminds you

we are not liable for loss of limb, loss of eye,

or dismemberment of any kind

due to you running around holding your kids' feet in the air

like a bunch of morons.

Now you can have fun, but you're on your own.

- And after... - Excuse me.

I'm sorry to interrupt,

but there's something I have to say.

Somebody remove this guy. He doesn't exist.

Oh, no. He's wrong. I do exist.

My name is Earl Sinclair,

and I am the true and rightful father

of the Wesayso perfect family.

- Oh! - Oh!

I'm the guy that gave up my family

because the company told me to.

I did it because I thought the company was always right.

The company is always right!

That's what I used to think.

After all, companies are big and powerful.

And it always seems they know what they're doing.

And families? Well, families are new.

They have problems, and they're not always perfect,

but families can give you something companies never will.

A comprehensive health plan?

No!

Love.

A family will give you love.

Oh...

So if I have to choose between my family and my company,

I know which one is more important.

Is it the company?

No!

It's my family because without them, I'm nothing.

- Sweet. - Aw.

And now...

No.

I'm ready to die.

Not so fast.

Yeah, slow would be better.

This dinosaur may have some value to us.

You mean other than his meaty thighs?

I think he may become something of a hero to these workers,

and I'm not sure how, but maybe that's exploitable.

Hmm!

Can we go home now?

Don't know. Could still go either way.

You! You. You can leave.

We may call on you later to help us in some way,

like to speak against a work safety program

or infiltrate a union.

I'd be flattered to.

Attaboy! Ha!

So, did you miss me?

Well, you were only gone a week.

But did you miss me?

Well, I guess we didn't take advantage of the situation

as much as we could have.

Oh, and what about you?

Not the mama!

Oh...

Ha ha ha!

I missed you, too!