Original subtitles

Honey, I'm home.

- Mama. - Hmm?

What's this?

That's a ball of yarn.

Oh. My ball.

No. It's yarn. I'm knitting a nice new sweater for your sister.

- My ball! - No. I need it to...

- My ball! - I'm trying to explain to you...

My ball!

Yes. I don't know what I was thinking.

It is your ball.

Don't want it.

Fine.

Gimme!

Oh!

My ball.

My ball.

My ball.

Hi, girls. How was school?

Oh, it was wonderful, Mom.

Yeah. Best day of our lives.

Let's eat till our thighs explode.

- Yes. - Yes.

What happened?

Well, if you must know the grisly details,

Mindy and I went to the cafeteria for lunch. Potato salad.

And we were standing there with our trays 'cause the place was packed.

Do we have any tartar sauce?

And the only seats anywhere

were at Heather Worthington's table.

So we had to sit on the floor.

But you said there were seats at Heather's table.

Chocolate sauce. Mom, lunch is not as simple as it was in your day.

There's a social hierarchy at work here.

Explain it to me slowly. I'm very old.

Heather hangs with a group of girls

who are vain and self-centered.

They all sit at the same table, wear the same clothes.

- And they think that no one is as good as they are. - Yeah.

And you want desperately to be one of them?

- I'd sell my own mother. - That's sweet.

But we are social outcasts and shall remain so,

for that is our sad destiny.

- Cheese log? Yes. - Yeah!

I know you're disappointed, but I think you'll find stuffing yourselves

- won't make you feel better. - So you're saying we need TV too?

Adolescence:

It's a lonely and confusing time.

So many pressures, so many changes,

so many questions.

Who am I? Do I fit in?

Why don't I feel better about myself?

You don't need to feel better about yourself,

you just need to feel superior to others.

There's only one thing that can do it: status!

Status, huh?

Where can I get it?

At Prestige Outerwear.

Prestige Outerwear can fill the void in your life

with a glamorous jacket your friends can never afford.

So make sure you own the coat that says:

"I'm better than you."

I'm better than you.

- Oh! - Yeah!

- Oh! Oh! - Yeah! Yeah!

Mom?

Not a chance, Charlene.

Oh, but if I had that coat,

Heather Worthington would be banging down my door.

Oh, please.

Please, please, please!

No, no, no, no.

That coat is far too expensive for a girl your age.

That's exactly my point, Mom.

Charlene, if we each pay half, maybe we could buy it together.

Good. You see, Mom? You only have to give me half.

I think that's reasonable.

- That's my final offer. - Yeah.

Oh, well, in that case, no.

Oh, but...

OK, Mom, maybe you're right.

Maybe I'd appreciate the coat more if I had to work for it.

- I love you, Daddy. - Back at ya, Charlene.

Daddy waddy waddy Daddy.

Can I get you anything? Slippers? A pipe?

A wounded antelope screaming for its life? Huh?

- Well, aren't you something. - Yeah.

Hey. You see this here?

This is what a father likes to see.

- See. - A loving child

not too proud to humble herself at her father's feet.

Hey, why don't you treat me like this?

'Cause I don't need money.

Oh, well, isn't that just like you,

my cynical child, to expect the worst from everybody.

Tell him, Charlene, tell him this isn't about money.

I need $500.

I never wanted either one of you.

Daddy waddy...

No, it's true. You can ask your mother.

I have only one true child to carry on my legacy.

Not the mama!

But Daddy, you don't understand.

There's this coat I have to have.

My whole social life depends on it.

- Dinnertime! - Let me tell you something, little girl.

You don't need fancy clothes.

- Oh, please. - Look at me.

All I have is this one shirt, and I command respect wherever I go.

Ow!

Out of my way, you worthless sack of fat.

What are you doing here?

I came to have dinner with the family I love.

Earl, stop fighting with Mother.

Fran, why do you always take her side?

Because she's old and helpless.

Yeah.

Ooph! Ow!

Heh heh.

Dad, uh, here, let me help you.

- Is that the phone ringing? - No, it's not the phone.

- But I hear bells. - I know, Dad.

Oh, aren't you coming to dinner, sweetheart?

No. I'm not hungry.

And I'm never eating again until I get that coat,

or I pass a buffet.

What's this about a coat?

Oh! It's only the most beautiful coat in the world.

And it only costs $500, but Daddy won't let me have it because of meanness.

Five hundred dollars?

Yeah.

Well, if your father's really opposed to it...

Hmm?

Here you go.

Oh! Oh, Grandma!

Do you mean it?

I was saving it for your college,

but a voice in my head kept saying,

"The only way she's going to college

is inside a cake at a frat house party."

- Yeah. - Oh! Oh, gosh, Grandma.

You really understand.

- Pretty much. - Five big ones! Yes!

Welcome back to Totally Hidden Predator.

We hid our predator in this peaceful suburban park.

Let's watch as the unsuspecting Ida Shmertzler

comes home from the market now.

Aah!

What's for dinner, Ida?

You are!

Did you see the look on her face?

Yes. I just love dinosaurs

caught in the act of being themselves.

Is everybody ready?

Ready for what, dear?

Ahem.

Ta-da!

So, what do you think?

- Earl. - What?

- Look what she's wearing. - Yeah. I'm appalled.

Hey, look! The predator's in the washing machine.

Charlene, where on earth did you get $500 to buy that coat?

Grandma gave it to me.

That was going to be your college money.

How could you throw away your entire education for a piece of clothing?

I look great. That's all I need to know.

If I might interject a word here.

Hey, listen to that. It talks.

- I was thinking the same thing about you. - Oh, thanks.

My dear, your daughter won't be in any shape to go to college

until she addresses this self-esteem problem of hers.

I don't want to place blame where it obviously belongs,

but perhaps you should let me take it from here.

Help me, please.

That must be Mindy. Oh! She's going to be so jealous.

That's the idea.

- After you. - You go first.

No, after you.

Earl, did you hear that?

Charlene's coat just said we're bad parents.

- Charlene who? - Oh. Oh!

Oh, Charlene, it's the coolest.

Oh, isn't it?

I have my half of the money. Can I try it on?

Yeah.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, sweetheart.

- What? - Just one quick question:

Who dressed you,

and why do they hate you so much?

What?

No, this is my best friend, Mindy.

Mindy, this is our coat.

You don't like my outfit?

No. Uh...

Well, dear, you are clearly making a fashion statement.

And that statement is,

"Welcome to the big top."

Oh, dear.

Um, no, uh...

See, uh, what Mindy and I thought

is that we'd kind of share you.

- No, no, no. - Ow!

Here's what you have to understand, Charlene.

The whole point of a status symbol like myself

is that you have me and others don't.

But we had a deal.

- Yeah... - No one's talking to you.

Stand there and wait for your clothes to come back in style.

- He didn't mean that... - Now, Charlene, here's what you say.

"Mindy, it's been wonderful

having you for a little playmate..."

Oh. Wow. Don't you think that's kind of insulting?

Dear, do you really want to be popular?

Mindy, it's been wonderful having you as a little playmate.

"But socially, I have to move on."

Yeah, but... oh...

Mindy, I...

I'll call you in a couple of days, OK?

Charlene, I thought you were my friend.

- I'm going to go out and buy a pair of shoes. - But...

Boy, did we really have to do that?

Ohh. You feel guilty, don't you?

- Yeah, kinda. - It goes away.

- It does? - Now, let's go upstairs and open your yearbook

and pick out a whole new set of friends.

Oh, OK. Sounds like fun.

Welcome back.

It's time for DTV News.

In the record stores next month, the new disk from Lyzzard Skyzzard.

We talked to their lead guitarist, Nigel Ouch.

Your first album, Borrow This Record From A Friend and Tape It,

didn't sell very well.

Yeah. Well, it was all quite a shock, you know.

But we're hoping the new record,

Tape This Off The Radio For Free,

will be a bit more commercial.

Thank you, Nige. And next month,

Lyzzard Skyzzard hits the road for their

Don't Bother to Come, We'll be on Cable Next Month tour.

Ticket sales so far...

have been sluggish.

Hello.

No, Charlene's not here right now.

Sure, I'll be glad to take a message for her. I've been doing it all day.

Let me get a pen.

OK, go ahead.

Yeah, I'm writing it down.

Brittany. Yeah, yeah. 446...

Slow down, slow down.

867. Got it.

Oh, yeah, I'll be sure she gets it. Bye.

- Was that another phone call for Charlene? - Who else?

You see, Earl? That's just what I was talking about?

Ever since Charlene bought that coat,

she has all these new friends. I'm worried.

Oh, Fran's worried. What a surprise.

I mean it, Earl. This could be a real problem.

Oh, you're right.

It's just awful.

Our daughter has a lot of friends,

is very popular with everyone at school

and is happier than she's ever been. What a terrible thing!

Where did we fail as parents?

I'm being sarcastic.

What a wonderful day.

I have the best possible news.

Whoa! Brace yourself, Fran.

More happiness to worry about.

Do you want to tell them or should I?

- No, no, you go ahead. - OK.

Heather Worthington said that it would be all right

if I sat at her table tomorrow.

Charlene, I don't want to hurt your feelings,

but have you considered that the only reason these girls like you

is because of your coat?

Well, duh, Mom!

Lovely to see you again.

Oh! And you.

Any calls for me?

- Not a one. - That's odd.

Earl, our daughter is turning into a social-climbing snob.

They grow up oh so fast.

Oh, this is so great.

Ha-ha! We've arrived!

Lunch at Heather's table.

Oh! It's more than I could ever have dreamed.

It's a disaster. We're totally unprepared.

Why?

What are you talking about? I have you.

Yes, but everyone knows you have me,

and the novelty of me has gotten old,

and I will not be old.

Oh.

I must be kept fresh. I must be kept new.

I must be accessorized.

What are you saying?

Give me a belt, a brooch, a hat.

Oh, that!

Come on. I have lots of stuff.

Uh, no, no. Where is it? Yes. Ha!

This sweater's nice, isn't it?

Hmm.

Well, what's it made of?

One hundred percent all-natural polyvinyl chloride.

Oh, honey, we've got to do some shopping.

Great.

Now, where does Heather buy her clothes?

Oh, at that expensive place in the mall.

Mmm. Let's go.

But I don't have any more money.

Your father has a credit card, doesn't he?

Yeah, but he'd never let me borrow it.

Charlene,

he's your father.

- He loves you. - So?

He wants you to be happy.

Yeah.

Steal it.

Tonight we wondered what would happen

if we put our totally hidden predator

in a personnel office.

Is this the right door? Should I go in?

Ahem.

Uh... hello. Um... huh?

Hello. I'm here for the job interview.

Hmm?

Hey, the predator.

Am I on TV?

Uh...

- What you doing? - Oh! Uh...

You want me to be quiet?

Just help me out this once, OK?

Um... no.

♪ La la la la la la... ♪

We'll give you a dollar, huh?

♪ La ♪

Ooh, a dollar?

Yeah, yeah. Gimme, gimme, gimme.

Do it.

Gimme. Come on. I don't have all day.

Come on, come on, come on.

I'm the baby, got to pay me.

Charlene, come on. I'm going to change my mind.

Hello! Yoo-hoo! Come on.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Come on.

Hmm.

Here's your change.

Eww.

- How common. - Yeah.

Uh-huh. Gross.

Wow. These are all so beautiful.

Now, this is more like it.

- Shh. - Do you see the prices?

Oh, please.

I'm not with her, really.

Would you like to wait in the car?

Look, I'm not opposed to spending my dad's money,

but this sweater costs more than he makes in a month.

- Oh, he can take a second job. - Right.

Why should he lie around the house every night

when he could be off in some factory

performing some simple repetitive task?

Maybe this was a bad idea.

Well, my goodness, look who's here.

Oh, uh, Heather... Hi.

I didn't know you shopped here.

Oh, sure, all the time.

Really? I would never have guessed

from the way you, uh, dress.

- Oh. - Well, present company excepted.

Well, I know exactly what you mean.

So, what have you bought?

Well, so far, we've been a little...

indecisive.

Well, who can decide?

I mean, I like this one and this one.

Well, here's a thought.

Maybe you should try one of them on.

- Yeah, I knew that. - Yes.

You know, you might be better off with the vertical stripes,

at least until you get your weight down.

Allow me.

You are trying to lose weight, aren't you?

No. Oh, yeah. Ha-ha. I mean, who isn't?

Oh, you should see her all day long.

Snack, snack, snack, snack, snack.

Wow. What an awesome lining.

Oh! Would you like to try me on?

I'd love to.

Oh, this is nice,

but I already have one pretty much like it.

Plus it kind of seems stupid

to spend so much money on a sweater.

Well, then maybe you should go where you usually shop,

some store where you can rummage through bins.

Hey, I thought we were going to be friends.

I thought you had taste.

I guess we were both wrong.

Well, I'll just take my coat, if you don't mind.

What are you doing? We're going home.

- You don't own me. - Oh, yes, I do.

Oh!

It looks like your coat has already made its choice.

You were supposed to make me popular.

You were popular for a couple of days,

and now you're not.

I gave up my best friend for you.

They all do.

All right, let's go over this again.

Tell me what happened.

Tell me exactly what happened.

- Gimme juice! - Gimme answers.

- Uh-uh. - Who took my credit card?

- Can't make me talk. - Jeez!

I'll give you a cookie.

Charlene! Charlene's the one!

Charlene took it. She's the one you want!

Charlene! I saw her take it. I saw her do it.

Charlene, she took it. I watched her.

Earl...

what's going on in here?

Charlene took my credit card.

Didn't hear it from me.

She snuck in here while I was sleeping and stole it.

We've raised a common criminal, Fran.

I got to call the credit card company.

She could be out there buying stereos and boats.

Earl, you have a $50 limit.

Yeah, well, it's a good thing I'm such a credit risk.

How could my own daughter do this to me?

She's got an expensive new coat and a group of rich friends,

and now she feels she has to keep up with them.

If she wants to keep up with her rich friends,

why didn't she steal their fathers' credit cards?

- Hmm. - Earl!

What?

That would be wrong?

What's wrong is that we don't want our daughter to grow up

believing that status is the key to a better life.

How many cards you think she could steal in a week?

Earl Sinclair, what are you thinking of?

Stereos, Fran. And boats.

Oop.

Hi.

D... Daddy...

Charlene, do you have something you want to tell your father?

I took your credit card.

I know that.

Where's my boat?

What?

Earl.

- Yes, my first mate? - Ship off.

Aye, aye, Fran.

Oh! But before I go, there's something I want to tell you, young lady.

Status is not the key to a better life.

I believe that now, Daddy.

Yeah, well, so does your mother.

I'm so depressed.

Ugh! Oh...

Oh, I knew it!

It's too young! No!

Oh, Mom, I was so stupid.

I just wanted to fit in with Heather and the other popular girls,

and I thought if I had a nice coat that they would like me better,

but they didn't like me. They liked my coat.

The important thing is you know what you did was wrong.

Yes. Yes, I do, I really do,

so you don't have to ground me

because I know what I did was wrong. So, what would be the point?

You're grounded.

Well, you got to do what you got to do.

Yes, and if I've gotten back the Charlene I know,

she knows what she's got to do.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Hello, Mindy?

Yeah, it's me.