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1
00:00:33,165 --> 00:00:35,398
Honey, I'm home.
2
00:00:58,757 --> 00:01:01,658
All right, next baby.
Put it on the table.
3
00:01:01,760 --> 00:01:05,294
O great elder, by what
name do you call this child?
4
00:01:05,397 --> 00:01:10,333
I decree that henceforth
this child shall be called, uh...
5
00:01:10,435 --> 00:01:12,101
Joshua!
6
00:01:12,203 --> 00:01:14,337
Joshua! Next!
7
00:01:14,439 --> 00:01:17,140
Jeez, Fran. This
is so embarrassing.
8
00:01:17,242 --> 00:01:19,275
He's so much older
than the other kids.
9
00:01:19,377 --> 00:01:21,578
How could we have forgotten
to get our kid a name?
10
00:01:21,680 --> 00:01:23,213
It's been a busy year, Earl.
11
00:01:23,315 --> 00:01:26,293
First you had to learn the mating
dance, then Mother moved in,
12
00:01:26,317 --> 00:01:28,477
then the kids got
that pet caveman,
13
00:01:28,554 --> 00:01:31,799
then there was Robbie's howling,
then Charlene's tail grew in.
14
00:01:31,823 --> 00:01:33,701
Then we all went
on that game show.
15
00:01:33,725 --> 00:01:35,369
It seems like
nearly every week...
16
00:01:35,393 --> 00:01:37,727
Yes, I know, I know.
But it's still no excuse.
17
00:01:37,829 --> 00:01:41,197
We should've realized we were
just calling him Baby all the time.
18
00:01:41,299 --> 00:01:42,299
Move it!
19
00:01:42,400 --> 00:01:43,400
Earl.
20
00:01:43,435 --> 00:01:45,702
Oh, sorry.
21
00:01:45,804 --> 00:01:47,136
O great elder,
22
00:01:47,238 --> 00:01:50,473
by what name do
you call this child?
23
00:01:50,575 --> 00:01:52,375
Give me a good one.
24
00:01:52,477 --> 00:01:54,578
I decree that henceforth
25
00:01:54,680 --> 00:01:59,515
this child shall be called...
26
00:01:59,617 --> 00:02:02,351
Spit it out. I'm waiting.
27
00:02:02,453 --> 00:02:05,155
Augh! Augh!
28
00:02:05,257 --> 00:02:07,423
Augh Augh.
29
00:02:07,525 --> 00:02:10,004
I'm dying, you idiot!
30
00:02:10,028 --> 00:02:11,961
I'm Dying You Idiot.
31
00:02:12,063 --> 00:02:14,397
- Uhh...
- Oh!
32
00:02:14,499 --> 00:02:16,532
Augh Augh I'm Dying You Idiot!
33
00:02:16,634 --> 00:02:18,001
Next!
34
00:02:18,103 --> 00:02:20,270
This is a DNN special report.
35
00:02:20,372 --> 00:02:21,671
It is a solemn day
36
00:02:21,773 --> 00:02:24,507
as the nation mourns
the loss of our chief elder.
37
00:02:24,609 --> 00:02:28,444
Our beloved elder died almost
immediately after naming this child
38
00:02:28,546 --> 00:02:31,781
Augh Augh I'm Dying
You Idiot Sinclair.
39
00:02:31,883 --> 00:02:33,149
Jeez, Earl.
40
00:02:33,251 --> 00:02:36,920
What is that, one of
those new trendy names?
41
00:02:37,022 --> 00:02:39,033
Within minutes of
the chief elder's death,
42
00:02:39,057 --> 00:02:40,817
one candidate had
stepped forward
43
00:02:40,893 --> 00:02:43,259
to nominate
himself for the post.
44
00:02:43,361 --> 00:02:46,096
42-year-old B.P. Richfield
of the Wesayso Corporation,
45
00:02:46,198 --> 00:02:47,330
who had this to say:
46
00:02:47,432 --> 00:02:49,633
Get in here, you
chunks of filth!
47
00:02:49,735 --> 00:02:51,902
Ehh, he's gonna need
a better slogan than that.
48
00:02:52,004 --> 00:02:53,937
Now!
49
00:02:54,039 --> 00:02:55,371
Whoa!
50
00:02:56,441 --> 00:02:57,907
You bellowed, my captain.
51
00:02:58,009 --> 00:03:01,411
As most of you inbred
green-garbage probably heard,
52
00:03:01,513 --> 00:03:03,880
there's going to be
an election for elder,
53
00:03:03,982 --> 00:03:06,916
and I've decided to run.
54
00:03:07,018 --> 00:03:08,517
My delight is limited
55
00:03:08,620 --> 00:03:11,054
only by my absolute terror, sir.
56
00:03:11,156 --> 00:03:13,155
Unfortunately, my
handlers tell me
57
00:03:13,257 --> 00:03:16,091
I have a personality problem.
58
00:03:16,194 --> 00:03:18,072
I can't imagine what
that could be, sir.
59
00:03:18,096 --> 00:03:19,996
- I'm speaking!
- Right!
60
00:03:20,098 --> 00:03:22,932
Apparently, the big money
interests who control my party
61
00:03:23,034 --> 00:03:27,637
feel I come off a bit,
um, abrasive on TV.
62
00:03:27,739 --> 00:03:29,806
- Oh, no.
- No, no, no, no.
63
00:03:29,908 --> 00:03:33,710
Fortunately, the big money
interests who control my party
64
00:03:33,812 --> 00:03:35,679
also control the other party,
65
00:03:35,781 --> 00:03:39,716
so all I got to do is find
an opposing candidate
66
00:03:39,818 --> 00:03:44,087
so utterly pathetic
and profoundly stupid
67
00:03:44,189 --> 00:03:46,522
that I can't help but win.
68
00:03:46,624 --> 00:03:49,959
The question is,
which one do I choose?
69
00:03:50,061 --> 00:03:52,862
This is an
embarrassment of riches,
70
00:03:52,965 --> 00:03:54,464
but who's the stupidest?
71
00:03:54,565 --> 00:03:57,367
All right, come on. Who is it?
72
00:03:57,469 --> 00:03:59,368
Hmm.
73
00:03:59,470 --> 00:04:02,872
All right, the next one
to say something asinine
74
00:04:02,974 --> 00:04:05,041
has to run against me.
75
00:04:05,143 --> 00:04:06,663
- Um...
- Um...
76
00:04:06,745 --> 00:04:09,578
How asinine does
it have to be, sir?
77
00:04:09,680 --> 00:04:11,781
Ah ha ha!
78
00:04:11,883 --> 00:04:15,718
Congratulations,
Sinclair. You're nominated!
79
00:04:15,820 --> 00:04:17,654
Ha ha ha!
80
00:04:17,756 --> 00:04:19,055
Let's do Robbie.
81
00:04:19,157 --> 00:04:20,768
♪ Robbie bobbie bo bobbie ♪
82
00:04:20,792 --> 00:04:22,191
♪ Banana fana fo fobbie ♪
83
00:04:22,293 --> 00:04:24,160
♪ Mee my mo mobbie ♪
84
00:04:24,262 --> 00:04:26,029
♪ Robbie ♪
85
00:04:26,131 --> 00:04:27,131
Yeah.
86
00:04:27,165 --> 00:04:28,297
Now it's my turn.
87
00:04:28,400 --> 00:04:29,666
OK.
88
00:04:29,768 --> 00:04:31,634
♪ Augh Augh I'm
Dying You Idiot ♪
89
00:04:31,737 --> 00:04:33,970
♪ Bugh bugh I'm
dying you bidiot ♪
90
00:04:34,072 --> 00:04:36,072
♪ Mugh mugh I'm
dying you midiot ♪
91
00:04:36,174 --> 00:04:37,073
♪ Idiot ♪
92
00:04:37,175 --> 00:04:38,274
♪ Idiot ♪
93
00:04:38,377 --> 00:04:39,976
Augh, sorry.
94
00:04:40,078 --> 00:04:44,180
You know, Mom, I'm just afraid this
name could be very traumatic for the baby.
95
00:04:44,282 --> 00:04:48,685
Oh, lots of kids have gotten
bad names from the elder
96
00:04:48,787 --> 00:04:51,621
and gone on to live
perfectly normal lives,
97
00:04:51,723 --> 00:04:53,322
like your cousin Ah-choo.
98
00:04:53,424 --> 00:04:55,291
I just remember
when I was in school
99
00:04:55,393 --> 00:04:59,696
the way we used to tease
poor little Excuse Me Siegelman.
100
00:04:59,798 --> 00:05:01,564
Children can be so cruel.
101
00:05:01,666 --> 00:05:04,233
Excuse Me Siegelman.
102
00:05:04,336 --> 00:05:06,369
Ha ha! What a loser!
103
00:05:06,471 --> 00:05:09,372
Well, you can always
apply for a new name
104
00:05:09,474 --> 00:05:12,208
from the chief elder just
as soon as he's elected.
105
00:05:12,310 --> 00:05:14,610
Yes, Mother, but if
Mr. Richfield wins the election,
106
00:05:14,712 --> 00:05:17,480
I just worry what kind of
world we'll leave behind
107
00:05:17,582 --> 00:05:21,117
for poor little Augh
Augh I'm Dying You Idiot.
108
00:05:21,219 --> 00:05:23,019
Hello, hello, family of mine.
109
00:05:23,121 --> 00:05:26,356
I have a bit of information that
might be of interest to some of you.
110
00:05:26,458 --> 00:05:29,359
Today I heard the
call of civic duty
111
00:05:29,461 --> 00:05:31,761
and announced my
candidacy for chief elder.
112
00:05:31,863 --> 00:05:34,331
Earl, you're running
against Mr. Richfield?
113
00:05:34,433 --> 00:05:36,699
Dad, that's really brave.
114
00:05:36,801 --> 00:05:38,902
Ooh! Look, family,
the news is on.
115
00:05:39,004 --> 00:05:42,471
I think you'll find
I'm on every channel.
116
00:05:42,573 --> 00:05:44,274
- Wow!
- Ooh!
117
00:05:45,310 --> 00:05:48,611
Um, my name is...
118
00:05:48,713 --> 00:05:49,946
Earl Sinclair.
119
00:05:50,048 --> 00:05:52,148
I am running for chief elder.
120
00:05:52,250 --> 00:05:54,083
In lieu of an acceptance speech,
121
00:05:54,186 --> 00:05:57,086
I would like to sing
you a musical selection
122
00:05:57,189 --> 00:05:59,789
chosen especially
for this occasion.
123
00:05:59,891 --> 00:06:01,724
You're going to sing?
124
00:06:01,826 --> 00:06:03,860
Yeah, it was
Mr. Richfield's idea.
125
00:06:03,962 --> 00:06:05,127
What?
126
00:06:06,130 --> 00:06:09,265
♪ How lovely to be a woman ♪
127
00:06:09,367 --> 00:06:12,668
♪ The wait was well worthwhile ♪
128
00:06:12,770 --> 00:06:16,105
♪ How lovely to wear mascara ♪
129
00:06:16,207 --> 00:06:19,975
♪ And smile a woman's smile ♪
130
00:06:20,077 --> 00:06:22,912
Is he really doing
what I think he's doing?
131
00:06:23,014 --> 00:06:26,282
♪ That's round instead of flat ♪
132
00:06:26,384 --> 00:06:30,086
♪ Whenever you
hear boys whistle ♪
133
00:06:30,188 --> 00:06:32,788
♪ You're what
they're whistling at ♪
134
00:06:32,890 --> 00:06:36,258
♪ It's wonderful to feel ♪
135
00:06:36,360 --> 00:06:39,262
♪ The way a woman feels ♪
136
00:06:39,364 --> 00:06:41,030
♪ It gives you such a glow ♪
137
00:06:41,132 --> 00:06:42,632
♪ Just to know ♪
138
00:06:42,734 --> 00:06:46,403
♪ You're wearing
lipstick and heels...
139
00:06:46,505 --> 00:06:49,605
OK, kids. Let's pack.
140
00:06:49,707 --> 00:06:53,576
Hey, what do you want?
That part's for a mezzo.
141
00:06:53,678 --> 00:06:55,978
Earl, what kind
of speech is that?
142
00:06:56,080 --> 00:06:58,459
- It's the one
Mr. Richfield gave me.
- Mr. Richfield?
143
00:06:58,483 --> 00:07:00,383
But you're running against him!
144
00:07:00,485 --> 00:07:03,919
I know that. He chose me
over all the other guys at work.
145
00:07:04,022 --> 00:07:05,821
You mean he picked you to lose?
146
00:07:05,923 --> 00:07:07,601
Of course. Son,
under our system,
147
00:07:07,625 --> 00:07:10,359
a guy can't just muscle
his way to the top
148
00:07:10,462 --> 00:07:11,694
without any opposition.
149
00:07:11,796 --> 00:07:13,796
We are required
by our constitution
150
00:07:13,898 --> 00:07:17,300
to let the voters think they
have a choice. That's democracy.
151
00:07:17,401 --> 00:07:20,369
Earl, how can you
live with yourself,
152
00:07:20,471 --> 00:07:22,338
helping Mr. Richfield
get elected?
153
00:07:22,441 --> 00:07:25,141
Oh, I can live fine, Fran.
I can live just like a king.
154
00:07:25,243 --> 00:07:28,711
Don't have to go to work,
don't have to push down trees.
155
00:07:28,813 --> 00:07:31,714
All I have to do
is run for elder
156
00:07:31,816 --> 00:07:33,483
and lose, lose, lose.
157
00:07:37,688 --> 00:07:40,456
It's morning in Pangaea,
158
00:07:40,558 --> 00:07:43,459
but one dinosaur is
already hard at work
159
00:07:43,561 --> 00:07:45,828
finding solutions for
a better tomorrow:
160
00:07:45,930 --> 00:07:47,296
B.P. Richfield.
161
00:07:47,398 --> 00:07:50,533
Whether running a
multimillion-dollar corporation,
162
00:07:50,635 --> 00:07:52,902
chopping wood
like a regular guy...
163
00:07:53,004 --> 00:07:54,471
Aah!
164
00:07:54,573 --> 00:07:58,174
Or sharing good cheer
with the simple working folk,
165
00:07:58,276 --> 00:08:00,777
B.P. Richfield
shows that he cares.
166
00:08:00,879 --> 00:08:02,078
All the guys at work
167
00:08:02,180 --> 00:08:04,848
see him as a
member of the family.
168
00:08:04,950 --> 00:08:06,527
He comes to my
house all the time.
169
00:08:06,551 --> 00:08:09,619
My wife calls him "honey."
My kids call him "Daddy."
170
00:08:09,721 --> 00:08:13,423
B.P. Richfield. He
cares so much...
171
00:08:13,525 --> 00:08:15,291
it hurts.
172
00:08:16,861 --> 00:08:18,994
On tonight's
news-maker interview,
173
00:08:19,097 --> 00:08:21,330
B.P. Richfield talks
to our own venerable,
174
00:08:21,432 --> 00:08:25,234
revered senior commentator
Edward R. Hero. Edward.
175
00:08:25,336 --> 00:08:26,769
Thank you, Howard.
176
00:08:26,871 --> 00:08:29,739
Mr. Richfield, in
the last 24 hours,
177
00:08:29,841 --> 00:08:32,608
your public image has
undergone a radical transformation
178
00:08:32,710 --> 00:08:34,611
from a savage,
bloodthirsty killer
179
00:08:34,713 --> 00:08:37,580
to a kinder, gentler
B.P. Richfield.
180
00:08:37,682 --> 00:08:39,615
Isn't this just a
shameless, cynical ploy
181
00:08:39,718 --> 00:08:42,218
to trick the public
into loving you?
182
00:08:42,320 --> 00:08:43,919
Oh, Ed. Not at all.
183
00:08:44,021 --> 00:08:47,756
By the way, did you get
those flowers I sent you?
184
00:08:47,858 --> 00:08:52,228
Why, uh, yes, they're
lovely. Thank you.
185
00:08:52,330 --> 00:08:54,029
Oh, you're welcome.
186
00:08:54,131 --> 00:08:55,465
Mr. Richfield,
187
00:08:55,567 --> 00:08:58,100
I understand you favor
heavy taxation for the poor
188
00:08:58,202 --> 00:09:00,370
and no taxes
at all for the rich.
189
00:09:00,472 --> 00:09:03,706
That's right. I call it
my trickle-down theory.
190
00:09:03,808 --> 00:09:07,054
See, rich folks tend to live in
big houses on the tops of hills,
191
00:09:07,078 --> 00:09:09,745
and so if we give
them all the money,
192
00:09:09,847 --> 00:09:13,716
some of it's bound to
slip out of their pockets
193
00:09:13,818 --> 00:09:16,652
and roll down to where
the poor folks are.
194
00:09:16,754 --> 00:09:18,621
I... I see. Ahem.
195
00:09:18,723 --> 00:09:22,558
Mr. Richfield, you say you
want to be the education elder,
196
00:09:22,660 --> 00:09:26,762
and yet, you favor the
repeal of all child labor laws.
197
00:09:26,864 --> 00:09:29,932
Absolutely.
Children love to work.
198
00:09:30,034 --> 00:09:31,334
It's like a game,
199
00:09:31,436 --> 00:09:34,136
getting all dirty down
in a Wesayso coal mine.
200
00:09:34,238 --> 00:09:35,783
Because they're small,
201
00:09:35,807 --> 00:09:39,008
you can fit more of
them in a tight space.
202
00:09:39,110 --> 00:09:40,877
Why, your average six-year-old
203
00:09:40,979 --> 00:09:42,923
can work 18-20 hours
a day without rest.
204
00:09:42,947 --> 00:09:46,382
Hello? Fran? Robbie?
205
00:09:46,484 --> 00:09:47,716
Charlene?
206
00:09:47,819 --> 00:09:51,287
Oh. What's all this fuzzy stuff?
207
00:09:51,389 --> 00:09:53,522
Oh, wait a minute.
208
00:09:53,625 --> 00:09:55,958
Maybe this is a dream.
209
00:09:56,061 --> 00:09:57,559
Mmm.
210
00:09:57,661 --> 00:10:01,130
Oh, this is the cake dream.
211
00:10:02,500 --> 00:10:06,569
Oh, that'll be the
centerfold girls.
212
00:10:07,839 --> 00:10:09,079
Fran?
213
00:10:09,106 --> 00:10:10,617
You're not supposed to be here.
214
00:10:10,641 --> 00:10:12,675
The centerfold girls
aren't coming, Earl.
215
00:10:12,777 --> 00:10:15,378
Oh, but this is my cake dream.
216
00:10:15,480 --> 00:10:17,312
Your conscience
is intruding, Earl.
217
00:10:17,415 --> 00:10:20,015
You know you don't
deserve the cake dream.
218
00:10:20,117 --> 00:10:21,450
Come with me.
219
00:10:21,552 --> 00:10:22,852
Oh, jeez!
220
00:10:22,953 --> 00:10:24,286
Ah-choo!
221
00:10:24,389 --> 00:10:26,255
We live out here now, Earl.
222
00:10:26,357 --> 00:10:28,257
What happened to our house?
223
00:10:28,359 --> 00:10:30,926
We had to sell the
house to buy food.
224
00:10:31,028 --> 00:10:34,007
Mr. Richfield lowered the
minimum wage to two cents a day.
225
00:10:34,031 --> 00:10:37,132
Mr. Richfield? You
mean he was elected?
226
00:10:37,234 --> 00:10:38,412
That's right, Earl.
227
00:10:38,436 --> 00:10:40,636
Oh, no!
228
00:10:40,738 --> 00:10:42,471
Ah-choo!
229
00:10:42,573 --> 00:10:45,441
Oh, starving. Uh, give me food.
230
00:10:45,543 --> 00:10:47,810
Give me money. Give me shelter.
231
00:10:47,912 --> 00:10:51,581
These children living on the
street are such a nuisance.
232
00:10:51,683 --> 00:10:55,217
I understand they wouldn't live
in a house if you gave them one.
233
00:10:55,319 --> 00:10:56,552
Thanks for nothing!
234
00:10:56,654 --> 00:10:58,887
How are we ever
going to feed the family?
235
00:10:58,990 --> 00:11:01,290
Don't worry, Dad.
I got it covered.
236
00:11:01,392 --> 00:11:04,160
Bless you, Son. You
brought us all food.
237
00:11:04,262 --> 00:11:06,662
That's not food, Dad.
That's my pancreas.
238
00:11:06,764 --> 00:11:09,031
I can get good money
for it at the hospital.
239
00:11:09,133 --> 00:11:11,434
- Rob, what's that?
- My pancreas.
240
00:11:11,535 --> 00:11:14,337
Dad, I'm starving.
Give it to me!
241
00:11:14,439 --> 00:11:15,950
Hey, cut it out! Get your own.
242
00:11:15,974 --> 00:11:17,214
Robbie, I want your spleen!
243
00:11:17,275 --> 00:11:19,475
Oh, Fran, how
did all this happen?
244
00:11:19,577 --> 00:11:22,578
This is the life you've
made for us, Earl.
245
00:11:22,680 --> 00:11:25,125
- You should've listened
to your conscience.
- Oh...
246
00:11:25,149 --> 00:11:27,984
Should've listened
to your conscience.
247
00:11:28,086 --> 00:11:29,151
Oh...
248
00:11:29,253 --> 00:11:31,187
Should've listened
to your conscience.
249
00:11:31,289 --> 00:11:32,822
Aah!
250
00:11:32,924 --> 00:11:34,690
Earl! What is it, Earl?
251
00:11:34,792 --> 00:11:37,193
Fran, I can't do it, Fran.
252
00:11:37,295 --> 00:11:39,528
I can't let him win.
253
00:11:39,630 --> 00:11:42,431
I've got to try and beat him.
254
00:11:42,533 --> 00:11:46,969
I'm the only hope
for our nation's future.
255
00:11:51,242 --> 00:11:53,475
Yes. Earl Sinclair's
campaign for elder
256
00:11:53,577 --> 00:11:55,411
has begun to turn itself around.
257
00:11:55,513 --> 00:11:57,473
After an astoundingly
inane beginning,
258
00:11:57,515 --> 00:12:00,483
Sinclair has put the
dinosaur community on notice
259
00:12:00,585 --> 00:12:03,419
that he is a candidate
to be taken seriously.
260
00:12:03,521 --> 00:12:06,989
He'll be speaking tonight
from his modest suburban home
261
00:12:07,092 --> 00:12:09,358
with our own Edward
R. Hero. Edward?
262
00:12:09,461 --> 00:12:12,861
Thank you, Howard.
How are you tonight, Earl?
263
00:12:12,963 --> 00:12:15,998
Never better, Ed.
Maybe a little bit nervous.
264
00:12:16,100 --> 00:12:19,067
Don't worry, Earl. Just
a few simple questions.
265
00:12:19,169 --> 00:12:20,903
Relax and have fun with it.
266
00:12:21,005 --> 00:12:22,637
OK.
267
00:12:22,740 --> 00:12:24,506
Over the last seven years,
268
00:12:24,608 --> 00:12:27,442
our nation's budget
deficit has grown 46%
269
00:12:27,544 --> 00:12:31,313
from $220 billion
to 372 billion.
270
00:12:31,415 --> 00:12:34,817
At the current growth
rate of 12.3% per month,
271
00:12:34,919 --> 00:12:38,387
our deficit can be expected
to reach a total of 436 billion
272
00:12:38,489 --> 00:12:39,822
by next year.
273
00:12:39,924 --> 00:12:42,325
What would you do about
this disastrous situation?
274
00:12:42,427 --> 00:12:43,792
Ah!
275
00:12:44,629 --> 00:12:46,362
Mr. Sinclair?
276
00:12:46,464 --> 00:12:47,597
Mr. Sinclair?
277
00:12:47,698 --> 00:12:51,367
Uh, uh... he'll be right back.
278
00:12:51,469 --> 00:12:52,768
Well...
279
00:12:52,870 --> 00:12:54,270
I...
280
00:12:54,372 --> 00:12:58,140
Take deep breaths,
pally-boy, deep breaths.
281
00:12:58,243 --> 00:13:01,910
Oh, Roy. I can't
do it. I just can't.
282
00:13:02,012 --> 00:13:03,757
Pull yourself
together, pally-boy.
283
00:13:03,781 --> 00:13:07,550
We're all counting on you.
You gotta beat Mr. Richfield now.
284
00:13:07,652 --> 00:13:09,751
I know, but these
questions are hard.
285
00:13:09,853 --> 00:13:11,554
He's gonna know I didn't study.
286
00:13:11,656 --> 00:13:13,922
This was so much easier
when I was trying to lose.
287
00:13:14,025 --> 00:13:15,857
Easy does it there, pally-boy.
288
00:13:15,960 --> 00:13:19,729
Here's a helpful hint from some
of the more successful politicians.
289
00:13:19,831 --> 00:13:21,930
When you're asked
a tough question,
290
00:13:22,033 --> 00:13:26,135
simply steer the conversation
to one of three safe topics:
291
00:13:26,237 --> 00:13:30,239
love of family, love of
country, and puppies.
292
00:13:30,341 --> 00:13:31,807
Oh, come on, Roy.
293
00:13:31,910 --> 00:13:34,911
That's so condescending.
It's so cynical.
294
00:13:35,013 --> 00:13:38,147
I refuse to sink that low.
295
00:13:38,249 --> 00:13:40,849
Mr. Sinclair, this country
is presently running
296
00:13:40,952 --> 00:13:42,585
a massive budget deficit,
297
00:13:42,687 --> 00:13:43,986
which can only be addressed
298
00:13:44,088 --> 00:13:46,455
through the unpopular
step of raising taxes.
299
00:13:46,557 --> 00:13:49,925
How would you deal with this
politically explosive dilemma?
300
00:13:50,027 --> 00:13:53,195
Thanks for asking,
Ed. My family is fine.
301
00:13:53,297 --> 00:13:55,898
Mr. Sinclair, I'm
waiting for an answer.
302
00:13:56,000 --> 00:13:58,233
Do you see higher
taxes ahead or not?
303
00:13:58,335 --> 00:14:01,303
Well, first there's my son
Robert, the oldest boy.
304
00:14:01,405 --> 00:14:03,538
He's quite a chip
off the old block.
305
00:14:03,640 --> 00:14:06,575
Hey, how's the team
doing this year, Robbo?
306
00:14:06,677 --> 00:14:08,544
- What team?
- Ha ha!
307
00:14:08,646 --> 00:14:10,680
And then there's
little Charlene.
308
00:14:10,782 --> 00:14:12,248
She's at a dance tonight.
309
00:14:12,350 --> 00:14:14,650
Don't stay out too late, honey.
310
00:14:14,752 --> 00:14:17,719
And then there's
my darling little baby
311
00:14:17,821 --> 00:14:20,222
Augh Augh I'm Dying You Idiot.
312
00:14:20,324 --> 00:14:21,690
Easy, easy, easy, easy.
313
00:14:21,792 --> 00:14:23,192
Who loves you, baby?
314
00:14:23,294 --> 00:14:25,194
Hope you lose.
315
00:14:25,296 --> 00:14:27,463
Aah! Again!
316
00:14:27,564 --> 00:14:29,999
Mr. Sinclair, your
family is very nice,
317
00:14:30,101 --> 00:14:33,902
but will you please
answer my question?
318
00:14:34,005 --> 00:14:36,872
Yes, Ed, this is
a great country,
319
00:14:36,974 --> 00:14:38,840
and it has a great flag,
320
00:14:38,942 --> 00:14:40,976
and I don't care
who hears me say it.
321
00:14:41,078 --> 00:14:44,146
Brr! Is it a bit chilly in here?
322
00:14:44,248 --> 00:14:47,516
Mr. Sinclair, you have
consistently avoided
323
00:14:47,618 --> 00:14:48,851
answering my questions.
324
00:14:48,953 --> 00:14:51,086
It's becoming obvious to
me that you know nothing
325
00:14:51,188 --> 00:14:53,656
about the substantive
issues of this election.
326
00:14:53,758 --> 00:14:55,569
Thank you for
mentioning that, Ed.
327
00:14:55,593 --> 00:14:58,293
Yes, it is true. I
do adore puppies,
328
00:14:58,395 --> 00:15:02,498
and here's the newest
member of the Sinclair family.
329
00:15:02,599 --> 00:15:05,534
We call him Checkers.
330
00:15:05,636 --> 00:15:09,605
Let's take a look at our
DNN instantaneous news poll.
331
00:15:09,707 --> 00:15:11,418
Prior to the interview
you just saw,
332
00:15:11,442 --> 00:15:15,811
here's how things stood with
Richfield leading Sinclair by 93 points.
333
00:15:15,913 --> 00:15:17,753
After Sinclair's
interview tonight,
334
00:15:17,815 --> 00:15:19,915
we see that Pangaeans
everywhere...
335
00:15:20,017 --> 00:15:21,716
fell for it.
336
00:15:31,495 --> 00:15:33,335
♪ I'm gonna run the country ♪
337
00:15:33,431 --> 00:15:35,298
♪ I'm gonna run the country ♪
338
00:15:35,400 --> 00:15:36,910
♪ Yes, yes, yes, oh, yes ♪
339
00:15:36,934 --> 00:15:38,545
♪ I'm gonna run the country ♪
340
00:15:38,569 --> 00:15:39,467
I've been thinking.
341
00:15:39,570 --> 00:15:41,070
No. Not a word.
342
00:15:41,172 --> 00:15:42,437
I don't want you thinking.
343
00:15:42,539 --> 00:15:44,573
I don't want you thinking
up some stupid reason
344
00:15:44,675 --> 00:15:47,710
why me being chief elder isn't
the best thing that ever happened.
345
00:15:47,812 --> 00:15:50,746
Earl, I think we
should listen to Robbie.
346
00:15:50,848 --> 00:15:52,147
Of course you do.
347
00:15:52,249 --> 00:15:53,816
What is it, dear?
348
00:15:53,918 --> 00:15:57,453
With all Dad's talk about
the flag and puppies,
349
00:15:57,555 --> 00:16:00,122
everybody's voting for
him for the wrong reasons.
350
00:16:00,224 --> 00:16:01,504
Chief elder's a pretty hard job,
351
00:16:01,559 --> 00:16:03,637
and maybe knowing
how to win an election
352
00:16:03,661 --> 00:16:07,530
is not the same thing as
knowing how to run a country.
353
00:16:07,632 --> 00:16:09,064
Well, there he goes.
354
00:16:09,166 --> 00:16:11,500
He's done it. I was
up. Now I'm down.
355
00:16:11,602 --> 00:16:15,838
He has rained on my parade
by throwing the truth in my face.
356
00:16:15,939 --> 00:16:17,272
Earl, don't get all upset.
357
00:16:17,374 --> 00:16:19,574
Robbie's given us
something to think about.
358
00:16:19,677 --> 00:16:21,454
Why don't we all
just sleep on it?
359
00:16:21,478 --> 00:16:24,646
No, if I go to sleep I'll have some
kind of dream that'll ruin my life.
360
00:16:24,749 --> 00:16:27,783
Earl, you need your sleep
for the debate tomorrow.
361
00:16:27,885 --> 00:16:28,784
Forget it, Fran.
362
00:16:28,886 --> 00:16:30,085
I'm not going to sleep.
363
00:16:30,187 --> 00:16:31,987
I'm going to stay right here
364
00:16:32,089 --> 00:16:34,523
wide awake, eyes
open, without sleeping.
365
00:16:34,625 --> 00:16:36,058
No sleeping for me.
366
00:16:36,160 --> 00:16:37,160
Daddy.
367
00:16:37,194 --> 00:16:38,194
Hmm?
368
00:16:38,228 --> 00:16:39,228
Nighty-night.
369
00:16:39,296 --> 00:16:40,662
Ow!
370
00:16:40,764 --> 00:16:42,898
Oh, jeez.
371
00:16:43,000 --> 00:16:45,434
Doing!
372
00:16:48,973 --> 00:16:52,174
Whoa! Whoa, where
am I? What's going on?
373
00:16:52,276 --> 00:16:54,710
Oh, no. It's that
fuzzy stuff again.
374
00:16:54,812 --> 00:16:57,413
All right, conscience,
what's it going to be?
375
00:16:57,515 --> 00:16:59,749
Welcome to the Cave
of Destiny, Mr. Elder.
376
00:16:59,851 --> 00:17:01,283
If you'll step this way.
377
00:17:01,386 --> 00:17:03,819
Mr. Elder? You mean I won?
378
00:17:03,921 --> 00:17:06,154
Whoa, this is a good dream.
379
00:17:07,825 --> 00:17:10,659
Oh, look. I get my
own desk. Neat-o.
380
00:17:10,762 --> 00:17:12,261
Hey, what's this?
381
00:17:12,363 --> 00:17:13,596
That's the red button, sir,
382
00:17:13,698 --> 00:17:16,465
to launch a full-scale
war against our enemies.
383
00:17:16,567 --> 00:17:18,434
Only you can push it.
384
00:17:18,536 --> 00:17:20,703
Oh, well. Maybe I'll push it,
385
00:17:20,805 --> 00:17:22,137
and maybe I won't.
386
00:17:22,239 --> 00:17:24,540
This requires your
immediate attention, sir!
387
00:17:24,642 --> 00:17:25,741
What is it?
388
00:17:25,843 --> 00:17:28,176
Our enemies have
placed strategic weapons
389
00:17:28,279 --> 00:17:29,745
60 miles from our borders!
390
00:17:29,847 --> 00:17:31,258
If we don't threaten
to attack them,
391
00:17:31,282 --> 00:17:34,717
we leave ourselves
vulnerable to a first strike!
392
00:17:34,819 --> 00:17:36,985
If we do attack them, it
will almost certainly result
393
00:17:37,087 --> 00:17:40,122
- in the complete destruction
of our planet.
- Where would we live?
394
00:17:40,224 --> 00:17:44,492
In two hours the stock
market's plunged 500 points!
395
00:17:44,594 --> 00:17:47,262
They're expecting a run on
the banks! What should we do?
396
00:17:47,364 --> 00:17:49,131
Gee, I don't know. I
could hug a puppy.
397
00:17:49,233 --> 00:17:51,133
There's a little girl
trapped in a well!
398
00:17:51,235 --> 00:17:54,069
She needs your words
of encouragement!
399
00:17:54,171 --> 00:17:57,105
Uh, you're trapped in a
well? Oh, that's terrible!
400
00:17:57,208 --> 00:17:58,874
We need a decision right away!
401
00:17:58,976 --> 00:18:00,821
The market dropped
another 100 points!
402
00:18:00,845 --> 00:18:02,878
Time's running
out for Becky Sue!
403
00:18:02,980 --> 00:18:05,447
Sir, it's 12:30. Where would
you like to go for lunch?
404
00:18:05,549 --> 00:18:07,950
Oh, I don't know.
405
00:18:08,052 --> 00:18:09,952
I'm just an ordinary guy!
406
00:18:10,054 --> 00:18:12,888
Why don't you all
just leave me alone?
407
00:18:14,691 --> 00:18:16,058
Oops.
408
00:18:19,496 --> 00:18:22,964
Oh, no. And on my first day.
409
00:18:23,066 --> 00:18:28,136
Ya-aah-aah!
410
00:18:29,840 --> 00:18:32,675
Good evening. Welcome to
tonight's election eve debate,
411
00:18:32,777 --> 00:18:35,677
the final hurdle in the
race for chief elder.
412
00:18:35,779 --> 00:18:36,912
Here's your moderator,
413
00:18:37,014 --> 00:18:39,047
our venerable political pundit,
414
00:18:39,149 --> 00:18:42,083
the crusty and avuncular
Edward R. Hero.
415
00:18:42,186 --> 00:18:45,187
Thank you, Howard. We'll
begin with Mr. Sinclair.
416
00:18:45,289 --> 00:18:46,722
In the past year,
417
00:18:46,824 --> 00:18:50,225
our nation's unemployment
rate has risen to 14%.
418
00:18:50,327 --> 00:18:53,595
What steps would you take
to curb this disturbing trend?
419
00:18:53,697 --> 00:18:56,732
Edward, let me begin by
making a general statement.
420
00:18:56,834 --> 00:18:58,801
I'd make a terrible elder.
421
00:18:58,903 --> 00:19:01,970
It would be wrong to elect
me. I'm completely incompetent.
422
00:19:02,072 --> 00:19:04,306
Uh, uh, in rebuttal,
423
00:19:04,408 --> 00:19:08,276
let me say I agree
with him 100%.
424
00:19:08,379 --> 00:19:11,146
Mr. Sinclair, do you
know what you're saying?
425
00:19:11,248 --> 00:19:13,481
Not usually. That's
the whole point.
426
00:19:13,583 --> 00:19:17,052
Are you asking your supporters
to vote for Mr. Richfield?
427
00:19:17,154 --> 00:19:18,520
No, no, no, no.
428
00:19:18,623 --> 00:19:20,822
See, I may be a boob,
but he's absolute evil.
429
00:19:20,924 --> 00:19:26,228
Evil? What are you doing, you
back-stabbing bucket of pus?
430
00:19:26,330 --> 00:19:27,896
You are evil, and you know it.
431
00:19:27,998 --> 00:19:30,933
You've told me so lots of times.
432
00:19:31,035 --> 00:19:32,675
He picked me to run against him,
433
00:19:32,769 --> 00:19:34,369
and told me I had to lose.
434
00:19:34,471 --> 00:19:35,471
What?
435
00:19:35,539 --> 00:19:39,941
Aah! Sinclair, I'll kill you!
436
00:19:40,044 --> 00:19:41,509
Let me at him!
437
00:19:41,611 --> 00:19:42,811
Aah!
438
00:19:42,913 --> 00:19:46,881
I'll pull your head
off and bowl with it!
439
00:19:46,983 --> 00:19:48,383
Let me at him!
440
00:19:48,485 --> 00:19:50,685
Mmm, mmm, mmm.
441
00:19:50,787 --> 00:19:53,522
What an appalling display.
442
00:19:53,624 --> 00:19:56,391
The voters of this nation
are presented with a choice
443
00:19:56,493 --> 00:19:59,861
between a monstrous,
bloodthirsty psychopath
444
00:19:59,963 --> 00:20:02,898
and a self-confessed
brain-dead ignoramus.
445
00:20:03,000 --> 00:20:05,267
What will future
generations think of us
446
00:20:05,369 --> 00:20:07,402
that we cannot
present the public
447
00:20:07,504 --> 00:20:09,538
with better
alternatives than these?
448
00:20:09,640 --> 00:20:13,008
Surely, somewhere
there must exist a leader
449
00:20:13,110 --> 00:20:16,111
with the intelligence,
vision and decency
450
00:20:16,213 --> 00:20:17,813
to guide our nation.
451
00:20:17,915 --> 00:20:21,349
I'm Edward R. Hero. Be
sure you vote tomorrow.
452
00:20:21,451 --> 00:20:24,653
Good night and good luck.
453
00:20:27,224 --> 00:20:29,124
The polls have just closed
454
00:20:29,226 --> 00:20:31,360
and the turnout was
reported to be light,
455
00:20:31,462 --> 00:20:33,573
but I see the election
returns are coming in.
456
00:20:33,597 --> 00:20:35,676
Mom, do you think
Daddy still has a chance?
457
00:20:35,700 --> 00:20:39,501
Be serious. I confessed I was
a boob on national television.
458
00:20:39,603 --> 00:20:42,304
You could still win,
Earl. Lots of boobs vote,
459
00:20:42,406 --> 00:20:44,907
and they need
representation, too.
460
00:20:45,009 --> 00:20:47,275
And here are the final results.
461
00:20:47,377 --> 00:20:51,213
We see that 40,019
voters chose Earl Sinclair.
462
00:20:51,315 --> 00:20:52,559
- Yahoo!
- Yeah!
463
00:20:52,583 --> 00:20:54,716
What were they thinking?
464
00:20:54,818 --> 00:20:58,287
And 60,304 votes
for B.P. Richfield.
465
00:20:58,389 --> 00:21:00,289
- Aww.
- Aww.
466
00:21:00,391 --> 00:21:02,658
Wait. I think that's more.
467
00:21:02,760 --> 00:21:03,760
One moment.
468
00:21:03,827 --> 00:21:05,160
I've just been informed
469
00:21:05,262 --> 00:21:07,963
that there has been a
landslide write-in vote
470
00:21:08,065 --> 00:21:09,431
of 2,300,012 votes
471
00:21:09,533 --> 00:21:13,134
for veteran DNN news
commentator Edward R. Hero.
472
00:21:13,236 --> 00:21:16,271
That's you, Edward. Any comment?
473
00:21:16,373 --> 00:21:20,809
Once again, a bored and apathetic
electorate has been forced to...
474
00:21:20,911 --> 00:21:22,110
Huh?
475
00:21:22,212 --> 00:21:25,481
Well, dress me up
and call me Sally.
476
00:21:25,582 --> 00:21:26,915
I'm the new elder.
477
00:21:27,018 --> 00:21:31,786
Hmm, maybe the system
does work, after all.
478
00:21:33,457 --> 00:21:36,024
Come on, Earl.
Don't be a sore loser.
479
00:21:36,126 --> 00:21:39,594
I think you have
something to say.
480
00:21:39,696 --> 00:21:44,466
O great elder, by what
name do you call this child?
481
00:21:44,568 --> 00:21:50,906
I decree that henceforth
this child shall be called, uh...
482
00:21:51,007 --> 00:21:53,642
I'm the baby. Gotta love me.
483
00:21:53,744 --> 00:21:56,545
Hmm. Baby?
484
00:21:56,647 --> 00:22:00,315
Baby Sinclair.
Yes, it sort of fits.
485
00:22:00,417 --> 00:22:01,917
Baby Sinclair.
486
00:22:02,019 --> 00:22:03,518
Baby Sinclair!
487
00:22:03,620 --> 00:22:08,557
Baby? Earl, what
a wonderful name!
488
00:22:08,658 --> 00:22:09,491
Baby.
489
00:22:09,593 --> 00:22:10,792
Baby.
490
00:22:10,894 --> 00:22:15,363
Baby? I could
have done this job!
37152
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