Original subtitles

Honey, I'm home.

What are you doing with those scissors?

I just want to talk to you.

Get away from me.

I just want to take a little off the top.

They're my spikes, Dad. I like 'em this way.

They're in your eyes. How can you see?

I like the way they look.

You look like a girl, or a bum.

You look like a girl bum.

Fran, am I alone on this one?

- Well... - Oh, that's right! Undermine my authority.

A lot of boys are wearing their spikes longer.

Jeez, cripple me.

Could we discuss this after dinner?

He's not eating dinner in my house with those spikes.

Obviously, I can't do anything right, Dad.

My room is a mess, my spikes are too long, my posture stinks.

Why is it that everything I do is so wrong?

I was going to ask you the same thing.

You know, I didn't ask to get hatched into this family.

Oh, well, nobody's keeping you here.

Fine!

Fine!

Don't you walk away from me.

Hey, you did the right thing, Sinclair.

If you let him clip your spikes,

who knows what he'll want to cut off next.

He's always on my tail.

Yeah, well, like I told you, it was better in the old days.

When the male came of age,

he challenged his father for supremacy.

Really? Like a fight?

- To the death. - Cool.

- You could kick your dad's butt... - Yeah?

Take his territory...

Right.

Marry his wife.

Wouldn't that be my mom?

Eww!

Ugh!

I'm telling you, I'm never going back.

Hey, no need to. We got everything you need out here.

You want dinner? We'll catch it.

Yeah, that's right. We're dinosaurs.

Top of the food chain.

- Dinner! - Dinner!

Aah!

No...

Ohh. Well, maybe some salad first.

Yeah, plants are slow.

Hmm... Mm-hmm.

Hey, what about this?

Oh, definitely a plant.

Looks kinda weird. You think it's poisonous?

Yum. Yum.

Doesn't taste poisonous.

Huh. I wonder what it is.

Yeah...

What are we laughing about?

You know what's weird?

When we first got here, I felt really bummed.

But now I feel really good.

Why do you think that is?

I don't know, Scooter. Your guess is as good as mine.

Hey, pass me some more of that plant.

Sure.

Ahh...

Ahh...

There you go.

- You know what would make this moment perfect? - What?

If my dad was here.

I love my dad.

Yeah, I love your dad too.

I love everybody's dad.

I love the word "dad."

You know what? I'm gonna go tell him right now.

Whoa.

Hi.

Aha!

Dad...

The prodigal son returns.

Couldn't cut it out there in the cold world.

Want to be back under Daddy's roof, eating Daddy's food.

That's gonna take an attitude adjustment from you, sonny boy.

I love you, Dad, more than life itself.

Oh, Dad!

Love? Well, that's a start.

I realized that I was completely wrong

and you were completely right.

Not just now, but always.

Hold it right there.

Are we having a touching moment,

or are you teasing me?

I mean it, Dad. I was just out in the woods

eating this plant with Spike, I felt so happy

I came right home to share it with my dad.

Wait a minute. Are you telling me this plant made you happy?

- Yeah. - That's the dumbest thing I ever heard.

Ah, Dad. Just try it.

Plants don't make you happy.

Look, I'll prove it to you.

See? Nothing.

♪ It's a ♪

♪ Most unusual day ♪

♪ It's like catching the bridal bouquet ♪

♪ It's like reaching the moon ♪

♪ Or composing a tune ♪

♪ It's a most unusual day ♪

♪ It's a ♪

♪ Most unusual time ♪

♪ I keep feeling my temperature climb ♪

♪ If my heart's not behaving the usual way ♪

♪ Then there's only one thing to say ♪

♪ It's a most unusual ♪

♪ Most unusual ♪

♪ Most unusual ♪

♪ Day ♪

Oh! Whoa, whoa!

Whoo-hoo!

Dad, Dad...

Oh, Dad, I can't believe we've known each other for so long,

and we've never danced together.

Oh, we won't make that mistake again, son.

Yeah...

Come on. Get up, big guy.

- Happy to. - I'm happy you're happy.

Oh, it's plant time.

Here. Have some of this.

Plant time, plant time, plant time...

Here you are.

Are you two still fighting?

Oh, look, it's Charlene!

Hi, Charlene.

How are you?

You guys have changed.

Wow. Look, she's talking.

Wow...

Plant time...

Give me that.

So should we tell her?

Absolutely.

Charlene, this is our special happy food.

Mmm, this is good.

Well, I guess I'm the last one up.

Oh, good morning, perfect wife.

Good morning, Earl.

What are you eating?

It's a plant Robbie found in the forest.

It's made us very happy.

A plant that makes you happy? Oh, that's nice.

Earl, shouldn't you be getting ready for work?

I'm happy right here.

Hey, look! It's Mom!

Are you happy, Fran?

Well, I'd be happier if you were on your way to work.

Then I'm on my way.

Bye, Dad. You're great. Love you.

Bye.

What's so funny?

I just realized

I don't wear any pants.

Falling trees!

- Watch it, idiot! - Get your helmet on!

There you go. That oughta get it.

Hey.

Huh?

What? Oh, happy morning, guys.

Hey, where you been, pally boy?

Richfield's been looking for you all morning.

Oh, really? It is so nice of him to be concerned.

This is the happiest moment of my life.

No, wait.

This is.

No, wait.

This is.

Oh, life just keeps getting better and better.

Hey, maybe it's just me,

but I think Earl seems unusually happy this morning.

Hey, Earl, uh, you havin' some kind of brain problem there?

Guys, I have discovered the key to eternal bliss.

- Huh? - Huh?

Lunchbox?

- Hmm. - Ooh.

It's in this simple plant,

and I want to share it with you.

Thanks. I'm touched.

And you...

Sinclair, in here now!

Doesn't he have the neatest yell?

Oh, presents.

Coming.

Coming.

Hoo-hoo!

Hello, my special friend.

Sinclair, you were late this morning.

Oh, you notice everything.

Boss, I want you to accept this

as my special love-gift

from me to you from me.

Four hours late, Sinclair!

I'm trying to think of one good reason

not to tear your head off and spit down your throat!

You don't fool me, Mr. Richfield.

You may play the grouchy grump, but I know the real you.

You want to run through a meadow.

You want to sing a song,

you want to feel the warm summer sun on your freckled face.

Aah!

I know that deep inside you,

there's a frightened little boy yearning to be set free.

Set him free, B.P.

♪ Let him come out and pla-ay ♪

The only frightened little boy inside of me

is the one I had for breakfast!

And I'm having his sister for lunch!

Oh, you are a witty wordsmith, sir.

Sinclair, I ought to kill you and your whole family,

but I'd probably get in trouble with the union.

As it is there's only one thing I can do to you.

You're fired, Sinclair!

Fired, fired, fired!

Fired? That means I don't have to come to work anymore.

Oh, this is the best day ever! Oh, thank you!

- Oh, thank you, sir. - Blah!

Thank you, thank you, thank you!

Oh, joy! Oh, joy!

Ahh...

Colors.

All done. One more.

Wow.

Wow.

Baby making a mess.

Baby on fire!

Hello?

Hello?!

Did you guys ever think that maybe we're being watched?

What do you mean, son?

Well, I mean, like, all the time,

by secret cameras hidden in the walls,

like... like, there!

- Or there! Or there! - Huh?

Uh... Uh...

And that maybe our whole lives are on TV

in some other universe somewhere.

Yeah. Yeah, and if they stopped watching us,

we'd cease to exist.

- Whoa! - Whoa!

Oh. Oh.

Hey, why is our numerical system based on 10

when we only have eight fingers?

Hey, yeah. We've got eight.

Hello?

Father? Father?

Hmm?

- Sister? - Hey. Hi.

- Look, it's a baby. - Yeah, yeah, yeah!

Want more juice!

Yes, I know.

It's so funny the way his arms and legs move.

Want more juice!

Oh, I could stand here and watch him all day.

- Yeah. - Wow.

- I want... - Ooh.

More... juice!

Again!

What are you all doing home?

It's the middle of the day.

- Where is Mother? - Look, everybody, it's Fran.

- Hi, Fran. - Hi, Fran.

Why aren't you in school?

Oh, I knew we were supposed to be someplace.

Hey, Charlene, we're always someplace.

- Whoa... - Whoa...

Mama bring me food?

No, Mama couldn't buy any groceries at the market

because they refused to take our check.

Apparently, there's no money in the account.

How could there be? I haven't been to work in the longest time.

- What are you saying? - I got fired a week ago.

Oh, It was the happiest moment of my life.

No, wait, this is. No, wait...

Stop that! You've been leaving the house every morning. Where have you been going?

For the first couple of days, I just stood in the driveway,

but after a while that stopped being fulfilling,

so I decided to improve myself.

I've been going back to school.

You mean high school?

Well, I started off in high school,

but I got sent back to junior high.

It wasn't so much the academics.

I just had trouble socially.

This is crazy.

No, no, no, it's OK.

Now I'm past my awkward phase, I'm making friends.

Hey, I'm even going out for cheerleader. Fight 'em! Fight 'em!

Earl, this has got to stop. Our family is coming apart!

And I'm beginning to think this happy plant is a bad thing.

Hey, Mom, what could be bad about something that makes you feel good?

Don't you guys feel good?

I feel good.

Gimme a G!

Give me some food!

Oh, I'll get you some food, sweetheart.

It's about time!

All these jars are empty! Who ate all the food?

Well, we finished off everything in the refrigerator.

You ate all the food?

Uh-huh. We even finished the baking soda in the back.

We have no food, we have no money!

- We'll live on love. - Earl, that's it!

We are going right down to Mr. Richfield's office,

and you are going to beg him to give you your job back!

But I'll miss my pep rally!

And you are not taking this with you.

You need to get as far from this as possible,

back to a normal, healthy working environment.

Hey, Eddie boy, join the party.

You guys are making fun of me, aren't you?

No, we're just happy.

Here, have some more of the plant.

No, no, no, I don't like the happy plant.

I used to like the happy plant. Now it just makes me paranoid.

At least I think it makes me paranoid.

You all think I'm paranoid, don't you?!

Hey, steady there, Eduardo.

We're here for you.

We'll ride this out together.

Hey there, guys.

Huh?

It's Earl!

Hey, there, pally boy.

Come to join us for a little nibble?

No, he hasn't. From now on I'd appreciate it

if you keep that stuff away from my husband.

Whoa! Looks like somebody didn't eat her happy plant this morning.

Did you give Mr. Richfield some of that plant?

♪ Wow, purple haze ♪

♪ All through my brain ♪

♪ Lately things don't seem the same ♪

♪ Actin' funny, and I don't know why ♪

Mr. Richfield?

♪ 'Scuse me while I kiss the sky ♪

Yeah! Ha-ha!

What's shaking, ba-aa-aa-by?

Mr. Richfield, Earl is very sorry he offended you,

and wants to know if he can have his job...

You're talking about me in here, aren't you?

No, Ed. Please, leave us alone.

OK. After I go, you'll talk about me, won't you?

No, man. Be cool!

We're sorry, Mr. Richfield. It's just that we're out of money...

Sinclair, my eyes have opened in the last few days.

I've seen the future of this company,

and it's a gas, gas, gas!

From now on,

nobody has to work around here.

We can sit around all day and eat the happy plant.

Can you dig it?

Yeah, daddy-o!

I knew you could!

And I want you by my side as my assistant!

No, my partner. Yeah!

You and me, Sinclair,

doing absolutely nothing and getting paid for it!

Ooh. Well...

Chill. Uh... ahem.

B.P. here. If you got the dime,

I got the time.

Oh, hello, sir. What's happening?

Uh-huh.

Mm-hm.

Mm-hm.

Crazy! Dig it! I'm there! Out of sight! We gone!

Well, I've been fired.

Huh?

Bummer.

♪ Wow, yeah ♪

♪ Actin' funny but I don't know why ♪

♪ Is it tomorrow or just the end of time? ♪

Thank you!

Ohh. Oh, my head.

My body has this... feeling.

Uhh...

Oh, it's like...

Oh, it's like unhappiness.

Uhh. I forgot how bad this felt.

What time is it?

Um... it's noon.

- What? Noon? - Dad, shh!

I slept through the big game!

The girls were counting on me to be the bottom of the pyramid.

Oh! I need some more plant. I got to get happy.

Come on, come on.

Search. Got to find.

There's nothing left but seeds and stems.

I need some, I need some. I need some, I need some.

Oh, look. There's one left.

I got it! I'm the daddy!

That's mine! I'm eating it!

- No! - It's mine!

Oh, no. It's mine!

- Stop it! - What?

Look at yourselves!

Sleeping on the floor!

Half-eaten food everywhere!

Is this what our family has come to?

Ha-ha, you guys got in trouble!

Cut it out.

If you three want to ruin your lives with that plant,

I'm not going to stay here and watch it. We're leaving,

and we're not coming back until you clean yourselves up.

I know the place is a little messy,

but it's filled with happiness.

Hee-hee!

Uh...

Hi, I'm Earl.

This is your brain.

This is your brain on the plant.

Ohh!

Uh...

Any questions?

We'll be at Monica's.

Hmmph!

Look what I've come down to.

No wife, no baby, no food, no money, no job.

My life has hit rock bottom.

I know what I have to do now.

There's got to be more of that plant here somewhere!

We better find it soon.

I'm starting to feel frowny.

Who's there? Spike?

Help me. I've fallen, and I can't get up. Hey...

Spike!

Hey, Sinclair, listen.

"Mom" spelled upside down is "wow."

You've been lying in this spot all week?

No, a week? Wow!

Hey, wait, that's another one.

"Wow" spelled backwards is, uh...

Um...

I had it.

Look at you. You're sitting in dirt.

You smell. You're disgusting.

Yeah, but I'm happy 'cause I got this.

Here, pass it around.

- Mmm. - Wow.

Huh?

Ahh... Oh.

What?

Is that how we look?

Head, elbow...

Kids, I'm having a thought.

Go, Dad.

Maybe Mom's got a point.

Maybe throwing away everything real and lasting in our lives

for a cheap high has a downside.

Yeah.

So we agree?

No more plant?

- No more plant. - No more plant.

No more throwing our lives away?

Well...

No more throwing our lives away.

Good. Now let's go home and tell your mother the good news.

But first we have to destroy the plant

so we won't ever be tempted to use it again.

No, son. To destroy the plant would be an act of weakness.

We must be stronger than the plant.

We must leave it here to remind us

that there is always temptation in the world

and that we must always be strong!

Of course, burning it's a good idea too,

right, sweetheart?

Uh-huh.

Cut. That's a wrap!

Hey, great job, guys.

See you next week. Towel, please.

- OK, R.S. - Yeah, thanks.

Hi, I'm Robert Sinclair,

but you know me as Robbie Sinclair

on the adult-themed mega-hit Dinosaurs.

- Hey, great show, Robbie! - Thanks, Dimitri.

But it got a little preachy toward the end.

Indeed, it did. You see, folks,

drugs are a major problem in our society. Thanks.

Drugs ruin lives, divide families

and lead to heavy-handed, preachy sitcom episodes like this one.

Of course, we manage to keep it delightfully funny and upbeat,

but other shows aren't so lucky.

There's an epidemic in television today

that threatens the very fiber of the comedy we hold so dear.

When one show does an anti-drug episode,

other shows feel pressured to do one too.

Now they're even going after the younger shows.

We've only been on for a year,

and here I am talking to the camera.

So come on, say no to drugs.

Help put a stop to preachy sitcom endings like this one.

It's up to you to make a difference.