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1
00:00:33,201 --> 00:00:35,368
Honey, I'm home.
2
00:01:08,370 --> 00:01:10,270
Welcome back to DTV.
3
00:01:10,372 --> 00:01:13,506
You're in a middle of a
weekend of macho idiot rock.
4
00:01:13,608 --> 00:01:15,708
That's right. All weekend long,
5
00:01:15,811 --> 00:01:17,710
superficial adolescent
male posturing
6
00:01:17,813 --> 00:01:19,746
and shallow, meaningless songs.
7
00:01:19,848 --> 00:01:20,980
Cool.
8
00:01:21,082 --> 00:01:23,850
This special weekend's
brought to you by BEER.
9
00:01:23,952 --> 00:01:27,253
Next up, a smashing new
band, Lyzzard Skyzzard.
10
00:01:27,355 --> 00:01:28,754
This is their latest video,
11
00:01:28,856 --> 00:01:33,226
which won them the DTV
Music Award for Fastest Editing.
12
00:01:44,172 --> 00:01:46,940
♪ Ow! I'm better than you ♪
13
00:01:47,042 --> 00:01:48,875
♪ Ha ha ha ha ha ♪
14
00:01:48,977 --> 00:01:52,546
♪ I'm better than you ♪
15
00:01:53,615 --> 00:01:55,748
♪ You may have thought you ♪
16
00:01:55,850 --> 00:01:57,683
♪ Were better than me ♪
17
00:01:57,786 --> 00:02:00,754
♪ But I'm better than you ♪
18
00:02:00,855 --> 00:02:03,489
♪ Ha ha ha ha ha ♪
19
00:02:03,591 --> 00:02:04,691
♪ Yeah ♪
20
00:02:04,793 --> 00:02:05,892
♪ Yeah ♪
21
00:02:05,994 --> 00:02:07,093
♪ Yeah ♪
22
00:02:07,195 --> 00:02:08,094
♪ Yeah ♪
23
00:02:08,196 --> 00:02:09,229
♪ Yeah ♪
24
00:02:09,331 --> 00:02:12,665
♪ Yeah Yeah yeah
yeah yeah yeah ♪
25
00:02:17,405 --> 00:02:19,873
Robbie, isn't that too loud?
26
00:02:19,975 --> 00:02:22,876
Thanks, Mom. With cheese!
27
00:02:22,978 --> 00:02:25,445
It's too loud!
28
00:02:25,547 --> 00:02:27,780
And I don't like the
values they portray.
29
00:02:27,882 --> 00:02:29,382
Mom, you're overreacting.
30
00:02:29,484 --> 00:02:31,851
Beer! Cigarettes! Chicks!
31
00:02:31,953 --> 00:02:33,420
He could've heard that anywhere.
32
00:02:33,522 --> 00:02:34,999
Where is he? Where is he?
33
00:02:35,023 --> 00:02:37,424
Ahh, there's the birthday boy!
34
00:02:37,526 --> 00:02:39,859
- Tomorrow's the big day!
- Yeah!
35
00:02:39,961 --> 00:02:41,872
Presents! Presents!
36
00:02:41,896 --> 00:02:44,030
Hey, you betcha,
presents, hats, streamers,
37
00:02:44,132 --> 00:02:45,765
the works for
your first birthday.
38
00:02:45,867 --> 00:02:46,900
Even a pony!
39
00:02:47,002 --> 00:02:48,802
- Pony?
- That's right.
40
00:02:48,904 --> 00:02:51,738
A big, juicy one,
grilled to perfection.
41
00:02:51,840 --> 00:02:53,039
Earl, you'll spoil him.
42
00:02:53,141 --> 00:02:55,074
I want him to like
me. Is that so wrong?
43
00:02:55,177 --> 00:02:57,243
Honey, you have
to earn his love.
44
00:02:57,346 --> 00:02:59,011
That could take years.
45
00:02:59,113 --> 00:03:00,613
I'm his daddy.
46
00:03:00,715 --> 00:03:02,214
I want his love now,
47
00:03:02,317 --> 00:03:03,883
genuine and unconditional,
48
00:03:03,985 --> 00:03:05,651
and I'm willing to pay for it.
49
00:03:05,753 --> 00:03:07,888
Look what Daddy got for you.
50
00:03:07,990 --> 00:03:10,389
- Present!
- Do you like me?
51
00:03:10,491 --> 00:03:13,026
- Gimme!
- I'm overwhelmed.
52
00:03:13,128 --> 00:03:16,129
We're bonding
all over the place.
53
00:03:16,231 --> 00:03:18,899
Duh.
54
00:03:21,670 --> 00:03:24,337
Earl, isn't he a little
young for sports?
55
00:03:24,439 --> 00:03:27,407
Never too young to
learn the fundamentals.
56
00:03:27,509 --> 00:03:30,843
Now, this bat may be a
little too heavy for you. Ow!
57
00:03:30,945 --> 00:03:32,578
Not the mama!
58
00:03:32,680 --> 00:03:34,413
I should've seen that coming.
59
00:03:34,515 --> 00:03:36,716
Ohh!
60
00:03:36,818 --> 00:03:40,686
Fortunately, that
didn't hurt a bit.
61
00:03:45,626 --> 00:03:47,238
He's been out for a long time.
62
00:03:47,262 --> 00:03:48,962
- Is he dead?
- No, sweetheart.
63
00:03:49,064 --> 00:03:51,497
If he were dead there'd
be scavengers at the door.
64
00:03:51,599 --> 00:03:54,500
It's my family, looking at
me with love and concern.
65
00:03:54,602 --> 00:03:56,713
He opened his eyes.
I guess he's alive.
66
00:03:56,737 --> 00:04:00,073
Not necessarily. It could just be
an involuntary muscle response.
67
00:04:00,175 --> 00:04:03,376
My adoring children.
How I treasure them.
68
00:04:03,478 --> 00:04:04,610
Again!
69
00:04:05,913 --> 00:04:08,348
Is your father
still unconscious?
70
00:04:08,450 --> 00:04:11,117
Yeah, I put a pan under
his chin to catch the drool.
71
00:04:11,219 --> 00:04:12,585
That's very considerate.
72
00:04:12,687 --> 00:04:14,787
What are we doing
with all this stuff, Ma?
73
00:04:14,889 --> 00:04:17,556
Your little brother's outgrown
a lot of his baby clothes.
74
00:04:17,658 --> 00:04:19,892
So I thought I'd pack them
up and give them away.
75
00:04:19,995 --> 00:04:22,061
- ♪ La la la ♪
- Even this?
76
00:04:22,163 --> 00:04:26,733
Aw. That's the nest I made for
him when he was just an egg.
77
00:04:27,468 --> 00:04:28,735
Where is he?
78
00:04:28,837 --> 00:04:32,571
♪ Take me out to the ballgame ♪
79
00:04:32,674 --> 00:04:36,243
He's taunting me, Fran!
Keep that kid away from me.
80
00:04:37,812 --> 00:04:40,479
Mom, take a look at this
nest. I don't think it's ours.
81
00:04:40,582 --> 00:04:42,360
Of course it's ours.
82
00:04:42,384 --> 00:04:44,061
She's right.
There's a label on it.
83
00:04:44,085 --> 00:04:45,719
- What?
- Yeah.
84
00:04:45,821 --> 00:04:47,453
Let's see.
85
00:04:47,555 --> 00:04:50,156
"This is the property of
Gus and Glenda Molehill.
86
00:04:50,258 --> 00:04:52,458
If found, please
squeeze into any mailbox.
87
00:04:52,560 --> 00:04:54,338
Return postage guaranteed."
88
00:04:54,362 --> 00:04:55,962
You got somebody else's nest.
89
00:04:56,064 --> 00:04:57,530
That's not possible.
90
00:04:57,633 --> 00:04:59,744
Your baby brother's egg
was always in that nest
91
00:04:59,768 --> 00:05:01,345
and the nest
never left the house
92
00:05:01,369 --> 00:05:03,303
except when I went
to Lamaze class.
93
00:05:03,405 --> 00:05:06,373
Well, was there a Mrs.
Molehill in your Lamaze class?
94
00:05:08,743 --> 00:05:10,209
Yes, there was,
95
00:05:10,311 --> 00:05:12,879
but I don't see how we
could've switched nests...
96
00:05:12,981 --> 00:05:15,982
Unless it was the
day of the earthquake.
97
00:05:16,084 --> 00:05:19,618
Now, when the egg is
ready, it will start to crack.
98
00:05:19,721 --> 00:05:21,666
Even though there's
not much for you to do,
99
00:05:21,690 --> 00:05:24,190
Lamaze class can still
be reassuring for you
100
00:05:24,292 --> 00:05:26,159
and a big money maker for me.
101
00:05:26,260 --> 00:05:28,127
I spent 200 bucks for this?
102
00:05:28,229 --> 00:05:29,996
And my butt is falling asleep.
103
00:05:30,098 --> 00:05:33,166
Most importantly,
there's no refund.
104
00:05:33,267 --> 00:05:35,467
If you don't like it, leave.
105
00:05:35,570 --> 00:05:37,715
Earthquake! Still no refund.
106
00:05:37,739 --> 00:05:40,173
What do you mean
there's no refund?
107
00:05:40,274 --> 00:05:42,608
Earthquake!
108
00:05:42,710 --> 00:05:44,422
- My egg!
- Get the egg!
109
00:05:44,446 --> 00:05:46,123
Earthquake! Earthquake!
110
00:05:46,147 --> 00:05:48,514
That's mine.
111
00:05:48,616 --> 00:05:50,127
I think we have the wrong eggs.
112
00:05:50,151 --> 00:05:52,084
I think you're right.
They look so much alike.
113
00:05:52,186 --> 00:05:54,754
They do.
114
00:05:54,856 --> 00:05:57,222
I guess that's when it happened.
115
00:05:57,325 --> 00:05:58,803
That's awfully fascinating.
116
00:05:58,827 --> 00:06:00,738
Could you see if there's
a dent in my head?
117
00:06:00,762 --> 00:06:03,763
If the nests got switched,
the eggs might have too.
118
00:06:03,865 --> 00:06:07,467
Would somebody
look for dents, please?
119
00:06:07,569 --> 00:06:10,370
Then that other lady
could've gotten Mom's egg
120
00:06:10,471 --> 00:06:12,305
and Mom could've gotten her egg.
121
00:06:12,407 --> 00:06:15,040
- Yeah.
- Oh! Geez! Here's a dent.
122
00:06:15,143 --> 00:06:17,121
I'm pretty sure
there's brain damage.
123
00:06:17,145 --> 00:06:19,879
Wait a minute, everybody,
'cause I think this is big.
124
00:06:19,981 --> 00:06:22,448
Now, if you switched eggs,
125
00:06:22,550 --> 00:06:25,284
that means we could
have the wrong baby!
126
00:06:25,387 --> 00:06:27,654
- Wow!
- Hmm.
127
00:06:29,758 --> 00:06:32,491
The wrong baby?
128
00:06:32,593 --> 00:06:36,295
No! I refuse to
even consider it.
129
00:06:36,397 --> 00:06:38,597
And yet... hmm.
130
00:06:38,699 --> 00:06:40,667
Earl, you're not
seriously thinking...
131
00:06:40,769 --> 00:06:41,913
What? Me?
132
00:06:41,937 --> 00:06:44,404
No. I would never even suggest
133
00:06:44,506 --> 00:06:47,140
that our adorable
little cuddle bunny
134
00:06:47,242 --> 00:06:50,075
might possibly belong
to another lucky family.
135
00:06:51,546 --> 00:06:53,090
The mind reels at the thought
136
00:06:53,114 --> 00:06:55,225
that some other
family might take away
137
00:06:55,249 --> 00:06:57,483
our dimpled bundle of delight
138
00:06:57,586 --> 00:06:59,118
legally and forever.
139
00:06:59,220 --> 00:07:03,489
And who knows what we'd
be left with in exchange?
140
00:07:03,591 --> 00:07:06,058
The chances are that
we'd never get another child
141
00:07:06,161 --> 00:07:09,262
quite as precious as this one.
142
00:07:09,997 --> 00:07:11,230
Ha!
143
00:07:13,835 --> 00:07:16,802
Earl, he's our baby.
A mother knows.
144
00:07:16,904 --> 00:07:19,038
I don't know. The nest
is pretty suspicious.
145
00:07:19,140 --> 00:07:21,674
- He doesn't look like us.
- Yeah. He's pink.
146
00:07:21,776 --> 00:07:24,555
- None of us is pink. Isn't that weird?
- Very.
147
00:07:24,579 --> 00:07:26,657
Hey, we owe it to the child
148
00:07:26,681 --> 00:07:29,883
to explore even the most
terrible of possibilities.
149
00:07:29,985 --> 00:07:31,650
As awful as it must seem,
150
00:07:31,753 --> 00:07:34,954
and believe me, I
take no joy in this,
151
00:07:35,056 --> 00:07:37,223
we must call the Molehills.
152
00:07:37,325 --> 00:07:39,425
Well, I don't know
about that, Earl.
153
00:07:39,528 --> 00:07:41,060
What if there's a problem?
154
00:07:41,162 --> 00:07:43,107
That would be terrible.
155
00:07:47,668 --> 00:07:49,635
Come on, come on.
156
00:07:49,737 --> 00:07:52,472
Earl, you're not looking
forward to this, are you?
157
00:07:52,574 --> 00:07:55,041
No, dear. It's merely
a brave facade.
158
00:07:55,143 --> 00:07:57,643
On the inside
I'm full of despair.
159
00:07:57,746 --> 00:07:59,879
Whoa! Coming!
160
00:08:01,849 --> 00:08:03,783
Hey, how you doing?
161
00:08:03,885 --> 00:08:06,018
Gus Molehill, gotta love me!
162
00:08:06,120 --> 00:08:07,987
Gotta love me!
163
00:08:08,089 --> 00:08:11,657
Hey, nice digs. What
do you do for food here?
164
00:08:11,759 --> 00:08:13,170
Earl, I'm still not convinced.
165
00:08:13,194 --> 00:08:15,728
Hey, this is my wife Glenda.
166
00:08:15,830 --> 00:08:18,964
And this is my boy Aubrey.
167
00:08:20,968 --> 00:08:22,434
So you must be the mama.
168
00:08:22,536 --> 00:08:23,714
Yes.
169
00:08:23,738 --> 00:08:26,572
I guess that makes
you not the mama!
170
00:08:26,674 --> 00:08:29,208
Not the mama!
171
00:08:29,310 --> 00:08:31,544
Fran, he's a cute green kid.
172
00:08:31,646 --> 00:08:34,847
Hey, my boy looks
just like you, Earl.
173
00:08:37,785 --> 00:08:39,885
Piggyback horsy! Piggyback!
174
00:08:39,987 --> 00:08:42,388
I love this kid!
He cracks me up!
175
00:08:42,490 --> 00:08:44,957
Am I crazy or what?
176
00:08:46,961 --> 00:08:49,161
Again!
177
00:08:49,263 --> 00:08:50,908
Hi, there, little fella.
178
00:08:50,932 --> 00:08:53,432
Juice? Is something wrong?
179
00:08:53,534 --> 00:08:55,467
You're not gonna hit me?
180
00:08:55,569 --> 00:08:58,237
Dear me, no. I just thought
you might enjoy a beverage.
181
00:08:58,339 --> 00:09:00,339
It's quite refreshing.
182
00:09:04,612 --> 00:09:07,680
And with the safety nipple,
you eliminate nasty spills.
183
00:09:07,782 --> 00:09:10,449
- Hey, this tastes great!
- Mmm.
184
00:09:10,551 --> 00:09:12,271
You're a mighty
nice little fella.
185
00:09:12,320 --> 00:09:14,219
Oh, please, it's
the least I can do.
186
00:09:14,322 --> 00:09:16,489
After all, you've been
such a gracious host.
187
00:09:16,591 --> 00:09:18,291
Oh!
188
00:09:18,993 --> 00:09:20,233
Thank you.
189
00:09:20,328 --> 00:09:22,762
You know, this is my nest.
190
00:09:22,864 --> 00:09:25,965
Isn't it funny how these
silly little mix-ups happen?
191
00:09:26,067 --> 00:09:27,633
This is horrible.
192
00:09:27,735 --> 00:09:29,201
It can't be happening.
193
00:09:29,304 --> 00:09:32,071
This rattle is fun and soothing.
194
00:09:32,173 --> 00:09:33,840
It's my gift to you.
195
00:09:33,942 --> 00:09:37,509
It's pretty obvious what
happened here, huh, Earl?
196
00:09:37,612 --> 00:09:39,712
I got your kid. You got mine.
197
00:09:39,814 --> 00:09:42,849
Guess we got our eggs scrambled!
198
00:09:42,951 --> 00:09:47,119
"Eggs scrambled."
Hey, that's great.
199
00:09:47,221 --> 00:09:49,788
Hey, thanks for
taking care of the kid.
200
00:09:49,890 --> 00:09:52,858
You know where to
send his clothes, don't ya?
201
00:09:52,960 --> 00:09:54,240
Yeah, sure.
202
00:09:54,295 --> 00:09:56,596
He's had all his
inoculations, hasn't he?
203
00:09:56,698 --> 00:09:59,499
I... Stop right there!
204
00:09:59,600 --> 00:10:01,400
- Put my baby down!
- Uh...
205
00:10:01,502 --> 00:10:04,237
Sweetheart, haven't
you been listening?
206
00:10:04,339 --> 00:10:06,039
He's not our baby.
207
00:10:06,141 --> 00:10:08,374
If you let our baby
go out that door,
208
00:10:08,476 --> 00:10:10,109
I'll bite your face off!
209
00:10:10,211 --> 00:10:12,712
Well, you can't
argue with that logic.
210
00:10:12,814 --> 00:10:14,992
You could, but it would
be hard without lips.
211
00:10:15,016 --> 00:10:16,516
How can you let this happen?
212
00:10:16,618 --> 00:10:19,964
Aw, honey, I know it's
upsetting to lose your child,
213
00:10:19,988 --> 00:10:22,821
but, well, have you seen
the one we're getting?
214
00:10:22,923 --> 00:10:25,358
- You...
- We're not
exactly trading down.
215
00:10:25,460 --> 00:10:28,127
Nobody is switching babies
216
00:10:28,229 --> 00:10:32,665
until I see some absolute proof!
217
00:10:34,669 --> 00:10:38,737
I will run a series of
scientific tests on the babies
218
00:10:38,840 --> 00:10:41,274
and compare our
results in the lab
219
00:10:41,376 --> 00:10:45,611
with these blood samples
taken from each father.
220
00:10:45,713 --> 00:10:47,980
Boy, did that hurt. Huh, Earl?
221
00:10:48,082 --> 00:10:49,715
That didn't hurt a bit.
222
00:10:49,817 --> 00:10:52,684
I just want this settled,
once and for all, doctor, -
223
00:10:52,787 --> 00:10:54,507
so I can take my
baby and go home.
224
00:10:54,588 --> 00:10:56,956
Hey, my baby, your baby,
225
00:10:57,058 --> 00:10:58,991
let's let the
expert decide that,
226
00:10:59,094 --> 00:11:00,326
huh, sweetheart?
227
00:11:00,428 --> 00:11:02,128
Now, listen here, you...
228
00:11:02,230 --> 00:11:04,263
No, no, no, these
battery of tests
229
00:11:04,365 --> 00:11:06,265
will determine correct parentage
230
00:11:06,367 --> 00:11:08,446
beyond any reasonable doubt.
231
00:11:08,470 --> 00:11:11,604
They represent the
absolute vanguard
232
00:11:11,706 --> 00:11:13,339
of primitive science.
233
00:11:13,441 --> 00:11:14,640
You're a quack!
234
00:11:14,742 --> 00:11:16,742
Shh. He's a distinguished
man of science.
235
00:11:16,845 --> 00:11:18,155
- Shh!
- Shh!
236
00:11:18,179 --> 00:11:19,256
Quiet!
237
00:11:19,280 --> 00:11:20,680
Oh! Sorry.
238
00:11:20,782 --> 00:11:24,416
Professor, you have a lot
of electricity working here.
239
00:11:24,519 --> 00:11:27,453
I just thought I should tell
you about a health condition...
240
00:11:33,761 --> 00:11:35,862
More juice!
241
00:11:44,305 --> 00:11:45,638
Again!
242
00:11:45,740 --> 00:11:48,140
Again! Again! Again!
243
00:11:57,051 --> 00:11:58,117
Round and round.
244
00:11:58,219 --> 00:11:59,686
Let's go!
245
00:12:01,723 --> 00:12:06,625
Yahoo! Faster!
246
00:12:09,063 --> 00:12:11,630
I have your test
results right here.
247
00:12:11,732 --> 00:12:13,966
I know you're
anxious to hear them.
248
00:12:14,068 --> 00:12:17,003
I'm just awaiting one
crucial piece of information
249
00:12:17,105 --> 00:12:19,738
before I can
release them to you.
250
00:12:19,840 --> 00:12:21,384
- Yes?
- La la.
251
00:12:21,408 --> 00:12:23,543
The credit card
cleared. Thank you.
252
00:12:23,645 --> 00:12:25,377
- Yeah!
- Oh, thank God. Good.
253
00:12:25,479 --> 00:12:27,179
OK.
254
00:12:27,281 --> 00:12:28,781
Here goes.
255
00:12:28,883 --> 00:12:31,684
The green baby
belongs to the Sinclairs,
256
00:12:31,786 --> 00:12:34,486
and the pink baby
belongs to the Molehills.
257
00:12:34,589 --> 00:12:36,088
Science has spoken.
258
00:12:36,190 --> 00:12:37,668
Now, take your babies, go home
259
00:12:37,692 --> 00:12:40,052
and live the rest of your lives.
260
00:12:43,932 --> 00:12:47,667
All right, son. I'll toss
you the ball and you hit it.
261
00:12:47,769 --> 00:12:50,603
- As you wish, Father.
- Batter up.
262
00:12:50,705 --> 00:12:53,473
- Oh! Heavens, missed that one.
- Oh, bad throw! Sorry!
263
00:12:53,575 --> 00:12:55,486
Another of my nose bleeds.
264
00:12:55,510 --> 00:12:57,687
If you could just
get me a tissue.
265
00:12:57,711 --> 00:12:59,846
Robbie, get your
brother a tissue.
266
00:12:59,948 --> 00:13:02,214
Aw, geez, is he bleeding again?
267
00:13:02,316 --> 00:13:04,717
I have a weak nasal membrane.
268
00:13:04,819 --> 00:13:06,686
He's got a membrane.
Get him a tissue!
269
00:13:06,788 --> 00:13:10,268
That's all I do is bring him
tissues and Q-tips and cotton balls.
270
00:13:10,324 --> 00:13:12,002
Could I trouble
you for tweezers?
271
00:13:12,026 --> 00:13:14,559
I've gotten a splinter
from this rough-hewn bat.
272
00:13:14,661 --> 00:13:19,331
Shh! Don't talk.
You'll pull a muscle.
273
00:13:19,433 --> 00:13:20,966
Uh... tell you what.
274
00:13:21,068 --> 00:13:23,468
Let's play something
a little less physical.
275
00:13:23,570 --> 00:13:24,970
How about a game of peek-a-boo?
276
00:13:25,072 --> 00:13:26,672
- OK.
- All right.
277
00:13:26,774 --> 00:13:28,775
Now cover your
eyes. I'll cover mine.
278
00:13:29,710 --> 00:13:33,412
Now, where's Daddy?
Where did he go?
279
00:13:33,514 --> 00:13:36,115
- Father, Father! Where have you gone?
- Huh?
280
00:13:36,217 --> 00:13:38,316
Oh, oh! Don't abandon me!
281
00:13:38,419 --> 00:13:40,731
I'm having an asthma attack!
282
00:13:40,755 --> 00:13:42,788
It's all right. I'm
here. Daddy's here!
283
00:13:42,890 --> 00:13:46,592
- Where's my inhaler?
- Inhaler? Inhaler?
284
00:13:46,694 --> 00:13:48,961
Here it is. Here it is.
285
00:13:50,765 --> 00:13:52,665
Ahh!
286
00:13:52,767 --> 00:13:55,100
Oh, what a cruel, cruel game.
287
00:13:55,202 --> 00:13:56,668
I felt so alone.
288
00:13:56,770 --> 00:13:59,049
Promise me you'll never
play that again, Father.
289
00:13:59,073 --> 00:14:02,108
I promise, I promise.
Just don't bleed.
290
00:14:02,210 --> 00:14:04,410
Oh, dear. Oh, dear.
291
00:14:04,512 --> 00:14:06,279
Hi, I'm back from the market.
292
00:14:06,381 --> 00:14:08,381
I got nearly everything
on Aubrey's list
293
00:14:08,483 --> 00:14:10,483
except the low-sodium
goat cheese
294
00:14:10,585 --> 00:14:13,186
and sugar-free tofu
teething cookies.
295
00:14:13,288 --> 00:14:16,522
Perhaps you could pop out after
supper and check other stores.
296
00:14:16,624 --> 00:14:18,769
Did you manage to
change the linens in my crib?
297
00:14:18,793 --> 00:14:21,227
They were left in quite a
state by your previous child.
298
00:14:21,329 --> 00:14:24,163
My previous child?
299
00:14:26,267 --> 00:14:27,867
Come on, Frannie!
300
00:14:27,969 --> 00:14:30,802
Our real son is
celebrating his first birthday.
301
00:14:30,905 --> 00:14:34,540
My baby is one year
old, and I'm not there!
302
00:14:34,642 --> 00:14:39,378
I just want to crawl
into the woods and die!
303
00:14:39,480 --> 00:14:40,879
Cake time!
304
00:14:40,981 --> 00:14:42,881
Charlene, your mother
wants some cake.
305
00:14:42,984 --> 00:14:45,651
Fran, hey, no wonder
you're feeling down.
306
00:14:45,753 --> 00:14:47,531
You don't have a party hat.
307
00:14:47,555 --> 00:14:51,057
Oh, my baby has
been taken from me!
308
00:14:51,159 --> 00:14:54,226
Oh, cake, cake!
Cake, cake, cake, cake!
309
00:14:54,329 --> 00:14:57,429
- That's it. Come on.
- Here you go, Mom.
310
00:14:58,565 --> 00:15:00,266
I want the knife!
Give me the knife!
311
00:15:00,368 --> 00:15:01,667
No cake. No cake.
312
00:15:01,769 --> 00:15:03,580
What's the matter with Mom?
313
00:15:03,604 --> 00:15:05,605
She's overwhelmed
with happiness.
314
00:15:12,046 --> 00:15:14,113
- Well, I got the tissues.
- Give.
315
00:15:14,215 --> 00:15:18,384
- Huh?
- No! Come on,
sweetie, now cheer up.
316
00:15:18,486 --> 00:15:21,046
We're celebrating a
new addition to our family.
317
00:15:21,121 --> 00:15:23,388
- Everyone else is happy.
- I'm not.
318
00:15:23,490 --> 00:15:27,192
Me, either. The kid's a
real zero. Oh, no offense.
319
00:15:27,294 --> 00:15:30,562
None taken. Fortunately,
I'm very well-adjusted.
320
00:15:30,664 --> 00:15:32,776
You guys have
got this all wrong.
321
00:15:32,800 --> 00:15:34,367
This kid is the best!
322
00:15:34,468 --> 00:15:35,902
Hey, watch this.
323
00:15:36,004 --> 00:15:38,337
All right. Aubrey?
324
00:15:38,439 --> 00:15:39,439
Yes?
325
00:15:39,507 --> 00:15:41,473
- Here's a big bat.
- Mm-hmm.
326
00:15:41,575 --> 00:15:44,510
- Here's a big fat head.
- Mm-hmm.
327
00:15:44,612 --> 00:15:46,423
Now, what you gonna do about it?
328
00:15:46,447 --> 00:15:48,980
Um... Um...
329
00:15:49,083 --> 00:15:50,482
Um...
330
00:15:50,585 --> 00:15:51,684
I haven't the foggiest.
331
00:15:51,786 --> 00:15:54,386
Hey, is that the greatest?
332
00:15:54,488 --> 00:15:57,256
Well, I'm happy.
333
00:15:57,358 --> 00:16:00,259
I'll get it.
334
00:16:00,361 --> 00:16:02,361
I don't care what science says.
335
00:16:02,463 --> 00:16:03,996
I don't care what you say.
336
00:16:04,098 --> 00:16:06,098
I want my baby back!
337
00:16:06,200 --> 00:16:09,368
- My baby!
- Oh, my baby!
338
00:16:09,470 --> 00:16:12,004
- It's the mama! Ahh!
- Oh!
339
00:16:12,106 --> 00:16:13,471
People must be warned.
340
00:16:13,574 --> 00:16:17,409
That child is totally,
totally horrible!
341
00:16:17,511 --> 00:16:19,656
Well, he does have high spirits.
342
00:16:19,680 --> 00:16:21,814
He spit up all over the carpet!
343
00:16:21,916 --> 00:16:23,215
What toddler hasn't?
344
00:16:23,317 --> 00:16:26,018
- After eating the cat!
- Eew.
345
00:16:26,120 --> 00:16:28,520
Take your hands off my son!
346
00:16:28,623 --> 00:16:32,190
I won't let that little pink
monster back in my house!
347
00:16:32,293 --> 00:16:33,759
Well, I'm not giving him up.
348
00:16:33,861 --> 00:16:36,027
I'm nuts for the kid! We bonded!
349
00:16:36,130 --> 00:16:38,530
Whoa! Aah! Aah!
350
00:16:38,632 --> 00:16:40,666
Aah! Make a wish.
351
00:16:40,768 --> 00:16:42,735
Earl, help me!
352
00:16:42,837 --> 00:16:44,403
With you in a minute!
353
00:16:44,505 --> 00:16:46,004
Let go of my boy!
354
00:16:46,106 --> 00:16:49,507
My arms have a
tendency to dislocate!
355
00:16:51,278 --> 00:16:54,012
Stop it! You're adults.
356
00:16:54,114 --> 00:16:56,114
Can't you settle
this like adults?
357
00:16:56,216 --> 00:16:57,449
What, weapons?
358
00:16:57,551 --> 00:16:59,118
Costly litigation?
359
00:16:59,220 --> 00:17:01,220
No. Solomon the Great.
360
00:17:01,322 --> 00:17:04,556
- Oh! Solomon.
- Yeah.
361
00:17:04,658 --> 00:17:06,158
The great judge.
362
00:17:06,260 --> 00:17:08,494
Yeah, he could settle
this once and for all.
363
00:17:08,596 --> 00:17:11,430
He's the wisest
dinosaur of them all.
364
00:17:11,532 --> 00:17:12,764
Capital idea.
365
00:17:14,868 --> 00:17:17,870
If he's so wise, how come
he doesn't have a house?
366
00:17:17,972 --> 00:17:20,772
You seek an audience
with Solomon the Great?
367
00:17:20,875 --> 00:17:22,307
Right, Your Wiseness.
368
00:17:22,409 --> 00:17:26,778
You ask that I decide the
rightful parents of the pink child?
369
00:17:26,880 --> 00:17:27,991
Yes, please.
370
00:17:28,015 --> 00:17:29,848
If I am to resolve this dispute,
371
00:17:29,950 --> 00:17:34,253
you must agree to abide by
my decision without question.
372
00:17:34,354 --> 00:17:35,888
Mm-hm.
373
00:17:35,990 --> 00:17:37,089
And you?
374
00:17:37,191 --> 00:17:38,790
- Sure thing.
- We do.
375
00:17:38,892 --> 00:17:41,393
You claim this pink
baby as your own?
376
00:17:41,495 --> 00:17:43,395
Well, I do.
377
00:17:44,231 --> 00:17:46,398
You also claim this boy?
378
00:17:46,500 --> 00:17:48,400
With all my heart.
379
00:17:48,502 --> 00:17:50,536
Then, in my divine wisdom,
380
00:17:50,638 --> 00:17:53,739
there is only one
equitable solution:
381
00:17:53,841 --> 00:17:56,275
To divide the child in two.
382
00:17:56,377 --> 00:17:57,787
- Huh?
- Oh.
383
00:17:57,811 --> 00:17:59,756
Earl, we can't let him do this.
384
00:17:59,780 --> 00:18:01,046
Silence!
385
00:18:01,148 --> 00:18:04,283
Do not question the
wisdom of Solomon the Great.
386
00:18:04,385 --> 00:18:08,353
My powers are beyond the
comprehension of mere mortals.
387
00:18:08,455 --> 00:18:12,357
And now I shall perform
the miracle of divine justice
388
00:18:12,459 --> 00:18:16,629
with the help of my
lovely assistant Ramona!
389
00:18:18,999 --> 00:18:20,098
Oh!
390
00:18:20,200 --> 00:18:22,167
Yes.
391
00:18:22,269 --> 00:18:24,436
Yeah!
392
00:18:26,173 --> 00:18:27,306
Ha!
393
00:18:27,408 --> 00:18:29,208
Nice box.
394
00:18:29,310 --> 00:18:31,276
Mr. Sinclair, if you would,
395
00:18:31,379 --> 00:18:33,646
bring me the pink baby.
396
00:18:33,748 --> 00:18:36,815
Oh, yeah!
397
00:18:40,087 --> 00:18:42,554
Now, place the child
completely in the box,
398
00:18:42,656 --> 00:18:44,156
head there, feet here.
399
00:18:44,258 --> 00:18:46,792
Head there, feet
there. Watch it.
400
00:18:49,163 --> 00:18:52,864
Mr. Sinclair, we've never
met before, is that correct, sir?
401
00:18:52,966 --> 00:18:54,300
Yes, that is correct, sir.
402
00:18:54,402 --> 00:18:56,735
And no money has
changed hands between us?
403
00:18:56,837 --> 00:18:58,069
None whatsoever.
404
00:18:58,172 --> 00:19:01,006
Well, then how do I
have... your wallet?
405
00:19:01,108 --> 00:19:03,108
Wow!
406
00:19:03,210 --> 00:19:04,777
That's wonderful!
407
00:19:04,879 --> 00:19:06,022
Yay! Yay!
408
00:19:06,046 --> 00:19:08,848
Mr. Sinclair, as you can see,
409
00:19:08,950 --> 00:19:10,916
this is an ordinary box.
410
00:19:11,018 --> 00:19:14,152
There are no hidden panels,
so secret compartments,
411
00:19:14,254 --> 00:19:16,489
just a simple, wooden box.
412
00:19:16,591 --> 00:19:18,490
Yes, it looks OK to me.
413
00:19:18,592 --> 00:19:20,671
You may step back
now. Thank you.
414
00:19:20,695 --> 00:19:22,973
How about a hand
for Mr. Sinclair?
415
00:19:22,997 --> 00:19:25,463
Oh, well, thank you. Thank you.
416
00:19:25,566 --> 00:19:26,632
And thank you.
417
00:19:26,734 --> 00:19:29,201
- Look. It's empty.
- And now...
418
00:19:29,303 --> 00:19:31,403
for the moment of justice.
419
00:19:31,505 --> 00:19:32,571
Ramona!
420
00:19:32,673 --> 00:19:34,806
The blades!
421
00:19:34,908 --> 00:19:36,475
Blades! What?
422
00:19:38,846 --> 00:19:41,013
Yes. Hup!
423
00:19:44,418 --> 00:19:47,052
No flash photography, please.
424
00:19:47,154 --> 00:19:51,456
And now, one child
shall become two!
425
00:19:51,558 --> 00:19:53,592
Unless somebody
has a problem with that.
426
00:19:53,694 --> 00:19:55,594
- Stop!
- Yes. That's it.
427
00:19:55,696 --> 00:19:59,064
I can't let you do this. I
can't let you harm our child.
428
00:19:59,166 --> 00:20:03,101
I would rather let the other
family take him than see him hurt.
429
00:20:03,203 --> 00:20:06,137
Oh, Frannie, how
can we let him go?
430
00:20:06,240 --> 00:20:07,539
He's ours.
431
00:20:07,641 --> 00:20:09,486
You really want him back, Earl?
432
00:20:09,510 --> 00:20:11,343
I do.
433
00:20:11,445 --> 00:20:14,312
This is great!
434
00:20:14,414 --> 00:20:17,282
I am truly moved
by your selflessness
435
00:20:17,384 --> 00:20:19,151
and love for this child.
436
00:20:20,521 --> 00:20:22,253
But too late!
437
00:20:22,355 --> 00:20:23,755
No!
438
00:20:24,458 --> 00:20:26,625
Again!
439
00:20:27,094 --> 00:20:28,994
Oh!
440
00:20:36,203 --> 00:20:37,902
There.
441
00:20:38,004 --> 00:20:40,104
Oh, don't look at me like that.
442
00:20:40,207 --> 00:20:43,408
I'm so, so sorry, little feet.
443
00:20:43,510 --> 00:20:45,977
I promise I'll
make it up to you.
444
00:20:46,079 --> 00:20:48,980
We can't play baseball,
but I can teach you soccer.
445
00:20:49,082 --> 00:20:49,981
Doh!
446
00:20:50,083 --> 00:20:51,483
Not the mama!
447
00:20:51,585 --> 00:20:55,254
Oh, nice kick!
448
00:20:55,356 --> 00:20:57,055
That's my half-boy.
449
00:20:57,157 --> 00:20:58,401
This stinks!
450
00:20:58,425 --> 00:21:00,470
What am I gonna
do with half a kid?
451
00:21:00,494 --> 00:21:03,362
Come on, Glenda, let's grab
the kid that's still in one piece
452
00:21:03,464 --> 00:21:05,742
before they start
dicing him up too.
453
00:21:05,766 --> 00:21:08,533
Here you go, Sinclair.
You can take my half.
454
00:21:08,636 --> 00:21:09,968
I'll take it.
455
00:21:10,070 --> 00:21:11,836
Good luck to you.
456
00:21:11,938 --> 00:21:14,440
Goodbye, erstwhile Mom and Dad.
457
00:21:14,542 --> 00:21:16,862
- Thank you for
the kind hospitality.
- Yeah.
458
00:21:16,910 --> 00:21:19,411
He's my son... or sons.
459
00:21:19,513 --> 00:21:21,813
I don't care if they cut
him up into 1,000 pieces,
460
00:21:21,915 --> 00:21:23,115
I'd still take him home.
461
00:21:23,217 --> 00:21:25,583
Of course, I'd have to
make a few more trips, but...
462
00:21:25,685 --> 00:21:26,985
I'd still do it.
463
00:21:27,087 --> 00:21:29,721
Now, those were the words
that I was waiting to hear,
464
00:21:29,824 --> 00:21:33,892
that you love and accept
the child unconditionally.
465
00:21:33,995 --> 00:21:36,394
That is the sign
of a true parent.
466
00:21:36,497 --> 00:21:41,100
And so you shall have your
child back, complete and whole.
467
00:21:41,201 --> 00:21:42,801
Ramona!
468
00:21:45,672 --> 00:21:48,440
Ah. Ah. Ah.
469
00:21:52,913 --> 00:21:56,315
Ow! Again!
470
00:21:58,185 --> 00:22:02,287
Ah. Ta-da!
471
00:22:02,389 --> 00:22:04,456
My baby!
472
00:22:04,558 --> 00:22:05,569
It's the mama!
473
00:22:05,593 --> 00:22:07,092
Great to have you back, kid!
474
00:22:07,194 --> 00:22:10,862
You know, Fran, there's only
one thing that gnaws at me.
475
00:22:10,964 --> 00:22:13,498
Science has told us that
he's not really our child.
476
00:22:13,601 --> 00:22:15,767
I only wish there was some
way I could change that.
477
00:22:15,869 --> 00:22:18,437
Ahh, a request
from the audience.
478
00:22:18,539 --> 00:22:21,473
Ramona! The grand finale!
479
00:22:21,575 --> 00:22:23,441
Oh!
480
00:22:23,543 --> 00:22:25,310
There was a mix-up at the lab.
481
00:22:25,413 --> 00:22:27,846
My findings are
entirely incorrect.
482
00:22:27,948 --> 00:22:31,350
I apologize completely.
483
00:22:31,452 --> 00:22:32,317
Yay!
484
00:22:32,419 --> 00:22:34,619
- That takes care of that.
- Yeah!
485
00:22:34,721 --> 00:22:36,721
Well, you've been
a terrific audience.
486
00:22:36,823 --> 00:22:39,024
That's our show. Thank
you and good night.
487
00:22:39,126 --> 00:22:43,695
Hey, Fran, isn't it wonderful that
we live in such a modern age?
488
00:22:43,798 --> 00:22:47,433
Oh, yes.
34351
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