All language subtitles for Schooled S02E10 Beanie Babies 1080p AMZN WEB-DL DDP5 1 H 264-NTb_track4_[eng]

LAINEY: Back in the '90s,
one of the biggest toy fads
was Beanie Babies.

These cute little
stuffed animals took
the world by storm.

People would flock
to shopping malls
in a mad dash

to collect as many
as they could,

and they were especially
popular at William Penn.

What's your poison?

I need Claude the Crab.

That'll cost you $40.
JOHNNY: Hey!

You know there's no dealing
Beanies on school grounds.

Beat it
before I tell Glascott.

I got Claude the Crab
for $30.

That's right,
suckers.

You're looking
at a first-edition

mint-condition
Patti the Platty!

I did a lot of things
I'm not proud of
to get this Beanie Baby.

You do know you're drooling
over a bag of beans,
and you're also adults?

Says the guy
who loves Tamagotchis,

Furbys, Koosh balls...

Harry Potter,
Goosebumps,

Pokemon,
Magic: The Gathering...

Pogs, man. Pogs?
Oh, come on!

It says right there
on the Pog package
"fun for all ages."

But this whole
Beanie Baby craze?
Don't get it.

LAINEY: But they're
so cute and cuddly.

Uh, look, don't touch.

Because, you know,
your hands are gross.

Any way you'd
part with Patti?

Come on.
How much we talking?

You collect
these things, too?

Collect? No.
I flip 'em.

Buy low, sell high,
reap the rewards.

Above-ground pool,
here I come!

These things
double in value
every day.

Ask Warren Buffett.

He'll tell you,
"Sell stocks, buy beanies."

You're all fools.
I know, right?

What I mean is,
there's a 100% chance

that one day
we'll all be living
in a post-apocalyptic world

where Beanie Babies are
the only form of legal tender.

Do I sound this stupid
talking about

all the weird stuff
that I like?

You'll be a believer when
you're scavenging for scraps

and I live like a king,

trading Pinchers the Lobster

for matches, seeds,
and ice-cold drinking water.

Do you seriously
believe that?

Oh, I do.

It's the only way
I can justify spending $600

on a bean-stuffed crustacean
in an eBay bidding war.

LAINEY: Can I pet it?

* One of these days
You're gonna get outta here

* Live your life
And finally be free

* Go where you wanna go
Do what you wanna do

* Someday, you will say
"Those were the days" *

LAINEY: It was December 11th,
1990-something,

and Wilma
was about to discover
a holiday surprise.

Well, I'll be damned!

It's happening.

It's happening!

Look what's on
the card shelves this year.

Kwanzaa?
That's right.

And as we all know,
once we make it to Hallmark,

that means we're official!

Move over, Santa.

If you can,
you fat sack of garbage.

Whoa! Whoa!
Whoa!

I'm sorry, but come on.
Kwanzaa?

Oh. I'm Jehovah's Witness,

so we really
don't do holidays.

What is your problem, man?
Why do you got
to ruin stuff, Coop?

I'm just saying...
Once you find out...
Ooh, you know what?

We should add it
to the Christmas concert.

It'll be a good way
to teach people

what Kwanzaa's all about.

You know,
I think it'd be great

to put some new life
into our holiday show.

We've been doing
the same, old script
since I went to school here.

And lucky for us,
we have

a semi-professional
script writer on faculty.

Who?
Dear God!
Do not ask.

Too late. She asked.

Screenplay, you ask?

Why, yes.
I'll tell you all about it.

Sole Brothers?

Yeah, it's the story
of Jeffrey Sole

and his identical twin,
David Alan Brothers.

They're shoe salesmen
who moonlight as detectives.

If they're twin brothers,
why do they have
different last names?

Okay, we're good.
No more questions.

Sorry.
I got to know.

Why the hell
is there a genie lamp?

You know what?
It's better if I pitch it.

Do not pitch it!
Fade in.

Exterior, Arabian Desert.
Dead of night.

Camels walking...
Yeah, I've heard enough.

Lainey, you're writing
about Kwanzaa.

Um, are you sure
it should be me?

You know, because
I'm, like, you know...

And people who celebrate
Kwanzaa are, um...

You know,
they're, um...

So, you know...
(CHUCKLES)

Okay, what is going on
with you right now?

Whenever I talk about
this kind of thing, I'm just,

you know, like, worried
I'm gonna say the wrong thing.

What exactly do you think
you're gonna say?

Oh, God! Nothing!

But, yeah,
John should take charge.

Kwanzaa's all yours.

Not that I won't be there
to support it,

'cause I do
support it a lot.

But not too much.
I don't want
to overstep my bounds.

Just the appropriate amount
of supporting.

Lainey.
Yes?

Please stop.
Stopping.

While I was awkwardly
getting into Kwanzaa,

my new roommate, CB,

was getting into
the holiday spirit.

Dude! You cleaned
my entire place
and got me a Christmas tree?

Why do you keep doing
stuff like this?

Well, 'cause my place
burned down
and you took me in rent-free,

and cleaning
helps me forget

my place burned down
and you took me in rent-free.

Aw, man.
If I knew I had a tree,

I wouldn't have opened
Barry's gift already.

(IMITATING BARRY'S VOICE)
Hi, baby.

I'm fishing you
a Merry Christmas.

I've been listening
to bad fish puns all day.

Are you sure
you want to keep that
in a place of prominence?

I am fin love with you.

Yeah.
It's just so Barry.

Look!
I'm a Barry-cuda. Ha!

You mean
loud and intrusive?
Stop.

You just have to get
to know him, and then
you'll see what I see.

Why the fish?

'Cause you've been
dropping him hints all month

that you wanted
that platypus Beanie Baby.

Eh, it's disappointing,
but they're
really hard to find,

and this just
screams "Barry."

My name's Barry,
and I'm a fish!

Come on.
Don't make excuses
for the guy.

You deserve
that Beanie Baby.

Well, my birthday's
in a month,
so maybe he'll be my hero then

and get me
that new Beanie Baby.

Yo, Coop!

Hey, man,
you got a sec?

I need some help translating
this Spanish verse

for my poetry class.
Sure!

It's nice to know
you want to talk to me about
something other than Lainey.

(BOTH CHUCKLE)

So, what's up?

It's about Lainey.

Oh, come on, man!

I finally found a way
to win her heart.

Beanie Babies.

Please unlock the door.
I'm scared.

Just listen for one sec.

Living with Lainey
made me realize

how perfect we are
for each other,

and once I get her
a Patti the Platypus,
she'll see it, too.

(SIGHS) Seriously?

You think your way in
is a Beanie Baby?

It's not the Beanie itself
that wins her over.

It's what the Beanie
represents.

Which is?

That Barry's
all wrong for her.

For some reason,
Lainey thinks

that he's some special,
amazing guy, when, really,

he's a spazzy goofus
who bought her a talking fish.

But not CB.

Just one problem
with your plan, though.

No one can get their hands
on that platypus.

I can.

There's a Beanie Baby drop
going down

in Willow Grove,
8:00 a.m. sharp.

I'm gonna camp out overnight
so I can be first in line,

'cause you're gonna cover
my last two classes

and run
my after-school book club

and then drive Earl Ball home
'cause his Volvo's in the shop

and then, in the morning,
just drive him downtown

to pick up said Volvo
from the mechanic.

Is that okay?

LAINEY: While CB was hatching
his plan to win me over,

I gathered up my students

for Glascott's
big Kwanzaa announcement.

Okay, we're finally making

this Christmas concert
all-inclusive.

That means we now cover
the weeklong celebration

of African
and African-American culture

known as Kwanzaa.

* Kwanzaa! *

Don't do that.

Kwanzaa.

Sounds like a dude
from Mortal Kombat.

(BOTH LAUGH)

GLASCOTT: That's enough.

All right. Let's rehearse.

Uh, Felicia,
you take the lead in this one.

But I didn't even
raise my hand.

Yep, part's all yours.

I already have a part
in the nativity scene.

Which I now
give to Marni.

You can't do that.

But I did.
It's done. Yay!

* Kwanzaa! *
No.

Can we, like,
talk in the hall right now?

To the hall!

I don't care
what you say.

You can't
make me do this.

Please!
It's really important.

To you, maybe.

But they're just
gonna laugh at me.

And that's why it's your job
to teach them

what Kwanzaa's all about.

Why is it my job?

I'm in high school.

I just want to fly
under the radar

and not embarrass myself.

The fact that you find Kwanzaa
so embarrassing

is the exact reason
that you're doing this.

But...
No buts.

We finally have
an all-inclusive holiday show,

and you need
to be proud of it.

Oh, you are
such a hypocrite.
Excuse me?

You're just excited
because now it includes us.

What about Reza?
You didn't add
anything about Diwali.

Only 'cause
I haven't heard of it

until this very second,

but thank you very much,
because now it's in.

You sure you want
to take this on?

Squeezing four holidays
into one show
is gonna be tough.

You think I can't handle
four holidays?

I have ideas for 16
Sole Brothers sequels.

Do not pitch me
your lame movie right now!

I mean it!
Fade in.

No!
Nuclear submarine.

It makes no sense.

We angle on
Naval Captain Jeffrey Sole...
Stop!

Please! Come on!
...and his identical
twin brother

David Alan Brothers.

Fine!

I will do Kwanzaa.

But mark my words,
you will regret it.

Thank you. And I'm choosing
to ignore that threat.

And, again, if you would
just read the screenplay...
(SCOFFS)

...it explains in flashbacks
how they can be brothers.

LAINEY: As Glascott
got Felicia to join
his quest for Kwanzaa,

CB was ready to battle
for my Beanie Baby.

You got this, Chucky.

Get the Beanie,
be the hero.

Get the Beanie,
be the hero.

(SURVIVOR'S EYE OF THE TIGER
PLAYS)
(SHOUTING)

Elite athlete
coming through, baby!

Rick?
(GRUNTS)

(MUSIC SLOWS, STOPS)

(SIGHS)

Come back, you animals.

I got you.
(GRUNTS)

Thank you.

Rick, what are you
even doing here?

Coop told me
you were camped out in line,

which reminded me
I had to snag
a Christmas present for Toby.

But I waited all night.

How do you arrive last
and then beat everyone?

Took years of hard work,
CB.

You see,
when I was but a boy,

I wandered into my local gym
for the first time.

There, I saw...
Yeah, I don't need
to hear the whole story.

Please tell me
you grabbed a spare platypus.

Oh, Toby's
over Beanie Babies.

Instead, I got him
this bad boy.

Turbo Man?
(CHUCKLING)
The hell is that?

Only the coolest action figure
of the year,

as seen in the upcoming
holiday hit
"Jingle All the Way."

Yeah, I don't know
about that, man.

Hello?

It stars Arnold Schwarzenegger
and Sinbad.

Okay, forget
about Turbo Man.

I need your freakishly fast
roadrunner legs

to get me that Beanie Baby
when the new shipment arrives.

You want me to come back
to this madhouse?

Here. Just take a Turbo Man.
There's a shocking
amount left.

I don't want Turbo Man.

What about
Lieutenant Dan Taylor
from "Forrest Gump?"

No.

"Cape Fear"
fun for all ages.
No.

"Can't Hardly Wait,"
Seth Green?

Again, no!

"Troll 2?"
Seriously?

"Ghost?"

"Get off my train!"
Who makes these?

(AS MATTHEW MCCONAUGHEY)
"Alright, alright, alright."

Okay, please stop.

It's got to be
Patti the Platypus, okay?

I thought you hated
Beanie Babies.

Okay, truth be told?

I'm doing it for love.

Love?

I love love.

This changes everything.

Okay,
this might sound crazy,

but if I get her
this Beanie Baby,

maybe she'll see that
I'm the one who can
make her happy.

It is crazy.

But so is love.
Let's do this.

LAINEY: The next day,
Mellor and CB waited

for another shot
at Patti the Platty,

all in the name of love.

Oh, God.
There's a bigger crowd
here than yesterday.

Are you sure you can outrun
all these people?

CB, look at me.

I'm gonna get you
that bag of beans,

and nothing, nothing is gonna
stand in my way.

Okay.

What the...

Barry?

Hey!
It's Coach and BJ!

LAINEY: Thanks to
Felicia's defiance,
our Christmas concert

was about to add
a few more holidays.

Okay, good news.
Diwali has also
been added

into our all-inclusive
holiday show.

Sounds good, Reza?

Okay.

* Diwali *

Why don't you
take a walk?

Walking.
Right.

Okay. So, we're good.

We got a little Kwanzaa,
we got some Diwali.

(CHUCKLES) This is gonna be
the best holiday show ever.

Uncle J?

I actually did
some Internet surfing,

and we are far
from all-inclusive.

Which is why I have a list
of other holidays, like, uh...

The Feast of Seven Fishes,
St. Lucia, Boxing Day.

(CHUCKLING) Boxing Day.
Awesome. I love "Rocky."

(AS SYLVESTER STALLONE)
"Yo, Adrian."

(AS STALLONE)
Yo, Ronnie!
Consider all of it in!

What about Krampus?

(NORMAL VOICE)
What is a Krampus?

He's, like,
this half-goat demon

that punishes misfit children
during the holiday season.

So badass.

If we're doing Krampus,
then I want the Yule Cat.

Yule wha?
My Grammy's
from Iceland,

and that's
her favorite holiday story.

The Yule Cat eats kids
who haven't received

any new clothes to wear
before Christmas Eve.

Okay, sounds
unnecessarily punitive,

but tell Granny it's in.

Ooh! Uh, can we add
in Festivus, the holiday
for the rest of us?

No!
That's from "Seinfeld."

No, it's real now.

My dad makes us gather
around the Festivus pole

for the airing
of grievances.

This sounds like
a lot of work.

Why don't we just
go back to the original play?

Okay,
I see what you're doing.

You're suggesting
a bunch of lame-butt holidays

so I'll give up on Kwanzaa.

Did you just call Diwali
a lame-butt holiday?

No, no, no!
They're all equally
big in the butt department.

Christmas and Hanukkah
and Kwanzaa and Diwali

and the demon-goat thing

and your granny's Icelandic
snow cat who eats naked kids.

(SCHOOL BELL RINGS)

Okay. Is that the bell?
Well...

Good luck, Uncle J.

LAINEY:
While Felicia
turned Kwanzaa

into an avalanche of holidays
for Glascott,

CB faced his own disaster.

Why are you here?

To buy a Christmas present
for Lainey.

It's a platypus.

What about the Barry-cuda?

Decoy.
Only problem is, Detroit loves
their Beanie Babies,

and they're all tapped out.

Luckily, my lazy-eyed
nerd brother, Adam,

says this store
always has the goods.

Wow.
That's so weird.

That platypus is
the exact same Beanie Baby

I'm here to get for CB.

It's not weird.
It's actually very normal.

Can you be a pal
and sit this one out?

I'm doing this for love.

Again, so weird, because CB is
also doing it for love.

You know what?
We don't have to
talk about it anymore.

In fact, you know what?
We should go.
Go?

But you said this Beanie Baby
is the only way to get

the girl you love to realize
she's dating the wrong person.

Aw, man!

She's got a boyfriend?

Please don't root for me.

Sounds like a total dingus.

Hey, guys, can we open
that (BLEEP) gate?

(EYE OF THE TIGER PLAYS)
MELLOR: It's go time!

Go, go, go, go.
Go, go.

Run, Rick, run!

(MUSIC SLOWS, STOPS)

(SCREAMS)
My unbreakable ankle!

We need a doctor!

Incoming stat!

Leave me!
Go get your Patti the Platty!

Your ankle's swelling!
I've got to get you to the ER!

(GRUNTS)
Sneaky strong.

Make way!

I've got an injured
American gym teacher!

I'm helping, too.
I have his shoe.

LAINEY: While Coach was
in bad shape,
Glascott and Wilma came to see

how the all-inclusive
holiday show was shaping up.

* Jingle bells, jingle bells

* Jingle all the way *

* Seven days of Kwanzaa

* Kwanzaa, eh *

* Dreidel, dreidel, dreidel,
I made you out of clay

* Diwali's here
for five great nights *

(TO TUNE OF
EYE OF THE TIGER)
* Box, Boxing Day

* A day to box

* Boxing Day

* It's the day of the boxing,
it's the Boxing Day

* But it's not
the Rocky kind of boxing

What's the deal
with Festivus?

* It's when lords
give their servants

* New, shiny gifts

* In a box on a day,
so it's called

* Day of boxing *

All hail Krampus,
horned king of
holiday darkness!

While Glascott realized he may
have wrecked the holiday show,

CB was hoping
Mellor's ankle wasn't wrecked.

I don't know why,
but I feel like this is
partially my fault.

Maybe you feel that way
because every part of
this is your fault!

I need a new ankle
because you wanted
a bean-filled platypus.

I would never
even have asked

if I'd known
that Barry was gonna be there,

getting the same
darn Beanie Baby

for the same darn girl.

Wait, what?
What?

Darn girl who?
Who? What?

Lainey who.
Lainey who, what?

You know who, what!

Are you telling me
I need a new ankle

because you wanted to
break up my friend and
the love of her life?

(STAMMERS) Yes.

What is wrong with you?

Lainey would never
leave Barry.

That dude's the best.

Yeah, well,
everyone says that,
but I just don't see it.

Well, you gotta
get to know him!

I do know him.

He's immature
and clueless and dopey,

and, honestly,
I don't even understand

how that assclown
became a doctor.

Good news, Coach.
Took a peek at your file.

Seems like the doctor on call
thought he saw a fracture,

but the cortices
are intact,

so it's just
a ligamentous problem.

Okay. Those are the words
of a very skilled doctor.

I know.

You probably think I'm just
some clueless, dopey assclown.

(CHUCKLING)
What? No.

My whole life, I always made
a bad first impression.

I get nervous
around new people,

and then I overcompensate

by calling myself Big Tasty
and rap and nunchuck.

This is all
very self-aware.

All thanks to Lainey.

She's the first person
I could be myself around.

But now that we went
through this together,

we're bros.

Now you get to see
the real me.

He good. I like.

Thanks, CB.

Anyway,
it's just a bad sprain.
No need for surgery.

Sweet Lord,
you saved my ankle's life!

My ankle will never forget
this kindness, Doc Barry.

Here.

For the patient's helper.

I'll go get you
discharged.

You were saying?

(INHALES DEEPLY)
I see it now.

That amazing bastard is
the best guy ever.

Why didn't you just tell me
this was about Lainey?

You could've avoided
this whole mess.

I'm sorry. I guess
I just wanted to believe
that I had a shot.

But I get it now.

LAINEY: As Glascott was making
some last-minute changes

to his show,
I had a few of my own.

Okay, I stayed up all night
writing a few songs,

but we're good to go
on Australian Christmas.

Australian what's happening?

You didn't hear?

Ronnie's super upset

'cause we so cruelly left out
the holiday of his people.

Ronnie's from South Philly,
and his parents own
a hoagie shop.

There's no way
he's Australian.

Not to mention,
Australian Christmas

is just Christmas.

Classic Wilma,
so closed-minded.

Thankfully,
Felicia came directly to me

so I could address
the issue.

Felicia? Okay, wait.

No, she's right.
I'm super closed-minded.

Please tell me all about

how they celebrate
the holidays down under.

Legend tells tale
of Kangy Dundee,

the magical kangaroo
who hops into town,

bringing with him
a pouch full of fresh
shrimps off the barbie

to give to
all the good boys and girls.

And if you're naughty?
Then you get cold Vegemite

with nary a cracker
to spread it on.

(PITCH PIPE BLOWS)

* They call him Kangy,
Kangy Dundee... *

Stop. Just stop.

Felicia was messing with you
to get at me.

How could you
not know this?

'Cause, I'm open-minded
to all races and cultures,

and I'm very bad
at this, John!

So bad!

Shame on you.

Playing on
Lainey's desperate need

to not be looked at
as an intolerant white lady.

Yeah!
You were supposed to give up
when I said Boxing Day,

but you refused
to back down.

'Cause this is important.

I know you want
to fly under the radar,

but you can't live your life
like that.

Why not?
That's why.

Your grad-school degree?

Do you notice anything?

It says your name
is...Andre?

Exactly.

When I went to Vassar,
our program only had

two black grad students
in it...

John Glascott
and Andre Jones.

Let's just say
people got us confused.

A lot.

It felt easier
to just laugh it off

than to speak up.

But soon enough,
everyone actually thought

that my name was Andre,

even my professors

who wrote my recommendation
to work here.

Wait.

You mean everyone here
thought your name was Andre?

Only for 12 years.

Then one day, I snapped.

My name is not Andre.

(VOICE BREAKING)
My name is Jonathan!

And I love you,
Lunch Lady Bernice!

That day kick-started
a whirlwind two weeks

with a woman
that I was not ready for.

While this is
a bummer story,

what exactly does it
have to do with me?

Because I want you to stand up
and be proud of who you are,

not laugh it off
and fly under the radar,

like I did.

That makes sense.

Well, doesn't matter now.

We're going back
to our old Christmas concert,

because our all-inclusive show
is a disaster.

(YOU GOTTA BE PLAYS)

Maybe we can still
give it a shot.

Just, with a tad less "Rocky"
and puffy Seinfeld shirts.

It's fine. You don't
have to do Kwanzaa for me.

I'm not.

Look, I didn't want
to stand out,

but if that leads
to me losing a part of myself,

I'm not gonna
let that happen.

And I'm also
part of the problem

when I get all awkward
talking about this stuff.

No more, sista.

Don't.
No.

Let's go spread
some holiday cheer, huh?

Yeah.

* Try and keep your head
up to the sky

* Lovers,
they may cause you tears

* Go ahead, release your fears

* Stand up and be counted

* Don't be ashamed to cry

* You gotta be... *

LAINEY: That night, we put on
the best holiday show

the school had ever seen.

Even though the idea was

for everyone to learn
about our holidays,

we all ended up learning
something more important.

When you set aside
your differences

and learn to embrace them,
you can accomplish anything.

* All I know is,
love will save the day

* Herald what your
mother said *

Here ya go.
Fresh from the oven.

I'm gonna get out of here,
give you guys some alone time.

You sure
you don't want to hang?

No. No, you,
you two have fun.

You got some presents
to open, I see.

Is this
what I think it is?

Uh, I hope so.

Oh, my God!

How did you find this?

I....

He waited all night

at the Willow Grove Mall
to get one.

You were right.

He really is the best,
once you get to know him.

Thank you.

LAINEY: Sometimes in life,
you have to
make big sacrifices,

even if it means letting go

of the people
who mean the most to you.

But in the end,
the people you love most

will always know you care.

Hey, CB?

Yeah?

Thank you.

For what?

For tracking down
that Beanie Baby.

Oh. No.

That was all Barry.

He really would do
anything for you.

I know.

Merry Christmas,
Lainey Lewis.

Merry Christmas,
Charlie Brown.

* You gotta be wiser

* You gotta be hard,
you gotta be tough *

Let me open it.
I'm in the Christmas spirit.

Look, he got me sand darts!

WOMAN:
These are the Furbys!

Connect Four.
Thank you!

BARRY: Who's this Lainey Lewis
I've been herring about?

She's the gill of my dreams.

Every day, I thank cod
I met someone like you.

* Oh, my marlin

* Oh, my marlin

* Oh, my marlin Lainey Lewis*

Gah! Yeah, this one sucks.

I'm so lovesick that I need
to see a heart sturgeon.

I just want to say I love you.

Why? For the halibut.

I have such strong eelings
of love for you.

Eel. Get it?

It's the snake of the sea.

Let me do this over.

How do you stop recording
on this thing?

Damn it, it won't turn off!

I think he's done.

Babe, my love for you
is more delicious

than a nicely
grilled branzino.

It's a mild white fish.