Original subtitles

SOFT THUD

THUD

# Da da da Da da da da da da da da da da

# Da da da Da da da da da da da da da da. #

If that's one of my clean tea towels, you're a dead man.

I asked Ashley to carve.

Butcher, more like.

Right, last roastie, Ashley, still needs a home.

Go on, then. They're beautiful, Anne. I don't know how you do it.

Oh, it's all in the variety. Most people use Maris Piper,

but Martin swears by Arran Victory, don't you?

Well, no offence, Martin, but anyone can chuck a spud in the ground.

Now, to be able to cook like this, that's a true art form.

Oh!

All I'm saying is that there's a problem.

I mean, Martin, how much did you pay for this place? A couple of groats

and a bushel a week. Ashley!

Well, it's a legitimate question. Look at him,

he's trying to work out the groat exchange rate.

We paid £62,500 in 1985, which,

adjusted for inflation... How much is it worth?

Oh, God knows.

332,000, approximately. But in real terms, that means...

Exactly.

The fact is, the next generation have been -

and pardon my French - totally effed.

I mean, you boomers sit on your treasure like Smaug the dragon,

while your hobbit kids are starving to death.

Didn't you get the last roast potato?

Yeah, yeah,

and I'm pretty sure Martin and I are officially Gen-X. Right.

Shall I get the pudding? Mm.

I was only joking then. Mm. Mm.

So, Mum and I are going to the Grange next Saturday.

We're gonna do the tasting menu,

and then they'll run through the wedding package.

Sounds expensive.

Over a thousand groats. You'd better start saving.

Ha-ha! Actually,

we thought the two of you could spend the day together as well.

You're always promising to take Ashley detecting,

so there you go. Oh, I'm sure he's got other plans.

Er... Er...

Er, no, no, not at all. No, it sounds great.

Yeah. Count me in.

Lovely.

Great.

Next Saturday. Yeah.

Great.

He'll hate it. Ashley's a nice enough lad.

Kind of, when you get to know him.

You've never given him a chance! I'm letting him marry my daughter.

All the more reason to make him feel part of the family.

Anyway, it'd be nice to have another bloke about the house again.

He might become an instant convert,

then you won't have to always go out on your own.

I like going out on my own.

It's boring! You've never tried it.

Because it's boring.

It's the same reason I've never tried... incest.

You think incest would be boring? No, I think it'd be wrong.

But I don't need to try it to know.

Yeah. To be fair, your sister is quite boring.

She is fit, though.

You are going detecting with my dad,

and you are both going to have a fun time

and do lots of male bonding together.

You might even learn something.

Right.

Nice, thank you.

So, where in Thailand exactly is he?

I don't know, near Bangkok.

Anyway, he's busy drumming up business.

And you've really no idea when he'll be back?

You know Jack.

OK, well, I have done my best with these accounts,

but we're still at some loose ends.

If I get this job...

When you get it. Positive thinking, please.

When I get this job...

I'll have to hand things over to your new accountant,

so things really need to add up, and we are still nearly 90,000 out.

I'll call him again.

'This is Jack Parker. Leave us a message, if you must.'

Hi. It's me, again.

You really need to call me.

Please, Jack.

Just... call me.

So how did you get into it all, then?

The old, er, treasure hunting, I mean.

Detecting, not treasure hunting.

It's about uncovering history.

Right, but in theory,

some of the history that you uncover,

it might be made of gold or silver or jewels.

I suppose so.

Hm. So, technically speaking, treasure.

# We go da da da da da Da da da da da da da da. #

Where are you gonna be?

Er, top field by the drainage channel.

The usual place.

You wanna keep your eyes open.

Had some coursers there last week.

Fair's in Minehead, too.

You see anything, you let my keeper know, OK?

No problem.

How's my sister? Busy with wedding plans.

Laura and Ashley here. Big day next year.

Like I say, keep your eyes open.

Yeah.

Yeah, I will.

OK. If you grab the detector and the shovel...

If he's your brother in law,

why do you even have to ask for permission?

I mean, who gives a shit what you do out here?

Every genuine detectorist needs the landowner's permission,

or you're just a nighthawk.

Nighthawk?

Yeah. It's what they call illegal detectorists

working under cover of darkness.

Yeah, I wanna be a nighthawk.

Vroom! Vroom!

BEEPS Ah, shit!

That's loud. Yeah.

You see, the convergence of geographical features

suggests this is a likely site for a major Saxon settlement,

which is why I've been working this area for six years.

Sorry, what, six years? Just here?

SIGHS

You have to be methodical.

Hm. So, what have you found so far?

Nothing of significance. Nothing?!

Of significance.

OK. This is it.

Here. Give me the, er... Yeah.

And the... headphones.

Let's go.

ASHLEY YAWNS

BEEPING

What?

Shovel, please.

What do you think it is?

CONTINUOUS BEEPING

Oh, wow!

What do you reckon? Is that Saxon Coke, or maybe late Roman?

You're keeping it? I recycle everything I find.

Thank you.

Can we just go home?

OCCASIONAL BEEP

SEVERAL BEEPS

Oh, we're in again.

Wonder what it could be.

Stone Age Pepsi, or

maybe something really rare, like...

Greek Fanta or Dr Pepper from...

..somewhere.

HE PANTS

Fuck me!

BEEPING CONTINUES

BEEPING INTENSIFIES

SILENCE

BEEPING

BEEPING

BEEPING

BEEPING

EXHALES

I think that's it.

Don't touch that.

Back of the car, bags for life, in the boot, right-hand side.

# Put it in my pocket

# Put it in my pocket

# Put it in my pocket. #

Look!

We can arrive at the chapel in an authentic Victorian gig

for an additional cost of...

..£750.

Oh, I'm sorry, I'm allergic to horses, love.

Really? Since when? Since they cost £750 an hour.

Oh, unless we get to keep one.

No, I don't think so.

Thank you.

Tuesday seems very short notice.

Actually, the firm sent out the date a couple of weeks ago.

Oh, you didn't tell me. Does Dad know?

Mm-hm. He thinks it's a good idea.

It's a great opportunity,

and if Ash and I are ever gonna buy... somewhere,

I need something like this.

Well, you're a grown woman.

Don't need my permission to move to Bristol, do you?

Cheers.

I still don't get what it's doing here,

all this stuff just buried.

It's what we call a hoard.

Almost certainly Anglo-Saxon.

Why... stick all your treasure in a hole in the ground?

Well, that's simple - security. No banks in those days.

Right, so we're the first people to see this stuff

in, like... five hundred years?

More like a thousand, and then some.

Alfred's war with Guthrum peaked in about 878 AD, so...

Turn around!

You're aware this is private land?

O-Of course. A-Absolutely.

We're here with permission from Nick.

I have it here. Erm...

We're metal detecting.

Yeah, I'm, um, married to his sister, so...

Ah.

There we are.

OK.

We've had problems down here.

Coursers, right? Fuckers!

Leave our hares alone.

How'd you find it?

I-I'm sorry - find what?

The Yeti. I'm looking at one in Langport.

03 plate. You like it?

It's good. No problem. It's been, um, very reliable.

Why pay for a badge, eh?

You said it.

OK. Thanks, lads.

Let's get out of here.

Give us the Antiques Roadshow bit. How much is it worth?

MARTIN SIGHS

It's hard to say. You're the expert. Try.

I suppose if we confirm it's a genuine Saxon hoard,

based on previous prices, we could be looking at...

..half a million.

Oh, get in! A quarter of a million each? Bosh!

It's not that simple.

I know that Laura's got the maths degree, but I think I'm right.

No, I-I mean, we can't just keep it. It's officially treasure trove.

And what's that?

MARTIN SIGHS

Anyone who discovers previously buried precious metals

has to surrender it to the Crown.

They value it and then allocate an appropriate reward.

And of course, as landowner, Nick gets half.

The farmer? He gets half for doing nothing?

And what's the Crown got to do with it?

Right, Charlie doesn't need any more gold.

Believe me, I've seen his coach.

I'm sorry, but that's the law. No. Finders keepers.

That's the law.

No... You're missing the big picture.

This is an important historical find.

It could totally change our understanding

of Saxon society in the area.

If we're lucky, we might see some money in a year or two,

but... the rules are clear.

We don't own this.

It's Crown property, which means all rewards are discretionary.

So you're telling me that even though we found it,

it'll take two years before we see a penny, and even then,

we might get nothing?

Unlikely, but possible, in theory.

Anyway, it doesn't make any difference.

We have to declare it.

Oh, yeah?

Why didn't you tell that keeper? Why'd you hide it?

W... I...

He-He-He just...

took me by surprise.

We should get back.

Hey, look, do me a favour.

Let's just keep this between ourselves for now,

and let me do a bit of thinking.

Come on, Martin! Hurry up.

I'm starving. Er...

Sorry, love. I'm just-just coming.

Oh. There you go.

Thanks.

Oh!

Hm.

It really is a lovely place.

I can see why she's set her heart on it.

Did they mention a price?

6,000. That's for the basic package.

OK.

Is that OK,

fine, go ahead or OK...

It's OK. I'll think about it.

Tomatoes have been really good this year, don't you think?

So, how did it go with Ashley, then?

Did he enjoy himself?

Actually, I think he got quite a lot out of it.

See!

I know you had your doubts,

but I reckon deep down he just wants to impress you.

God knows why.

So, did you find much?

Not a thing.

Apart from the fact that he's not been in touch for a month or so,

you've got no evidence of an actual crime.

Not strictly speaking, no, but it's been three months.

Well, actually, it's 14 weeks.

Well, what about his family?

His missus worried? He's single. Never been married.

Well, right now, there's not a lot we can do.

He's an adult. He's got all his marbles.

If you don't hear from him in a month or so,

maybe we could make some inquiries.

Right. Knocking-off time. The Plough's calling.

Nick. We, er... We might have a problem.

Hi. Sorry. Sorry.

Be about, er, five minutes.

There's one for everybody.

The track was named after the man who discovered it,

Mr Raymond Sweet.

The Sweet Track.

It's thought to date back to, well, somewhere between 3800 and 4000 BC,

which you all know was the late Neolithic period.

The original tracks went across the marshland

from Shapwick here all the way to Westhay,

which allowed our Neolithic friends

to visit their in-laws without getting their feet wet.

So, Josh has had a really good week.

Absolutely loved the trip at the Oval town, didn't you, Josh?

No. All those planes.

Wow.

I'll let him tell you all about it. Oh!

Hello, sweetie.

Oh.

Right.

Oh.

CHATTERING

I know, Pilates.

Just give me 15 seconds.

Sorry.

I just wanted to say thank you.

That was absolutely fascinating.

Hm. I'm Sam. Sam Barnes.

I'm Martin Stone.

Yes, I know. Oh! Did you get, erm...

one of the... No. Thank you.Yeah.

So, you really believe that the walkway was totally pre-fabricated?

Absolutely. Couldn't be any other way.

And your evidence for that is? The uniformity of the wood used.

All the pegs, same diameter.

It was clearly manufactured off-site, just like we'd do today.

I'm a toolmaker. Oh!

Yeah, I know precision when I see it.

Don't underestimate the little people.

No, I wouldn't dream of it.

Sorry, I should have introduced myself properly.

I've just taken over as curator at the Wessex Life Museum.

Oh! Um... I was wondering whether you'd consider doing your talk

for some of our school parties. I'm sure they'd love it.

Old-fashioned, I know, sorry,

but it's got my email on it, though.

No, that-that's great.

I'd be honoured. I'd love to.

Thank you. Happiness.

SHE CHUCKLES

Listen, I think we'd better go.

Apparently, she's a black belt. Oh, OK.

CHUCKLES

Cassandra.

It is a classy venue.

Pricey, mind, but your sister has got her heart set on it.

Oh, you got a badge?

Very smart.

Your dad'd like that. He's at one of his talks,

otherwise he'd be here, too. Obviously.

Oh, what is going on there?

Oh!

What?

Oh!

Oh, Josh!

God!

Flipping heck!

My son's room should be clean, not a pigsty.

I totally agree. I don't know how that's happened,

but I'll speak to the domestic staff.

Well, please do. Now, I'm gonna need a hoover,

some disinfectant, cloths, whatever you've got.

Finally!

Where have you been?

I had a lecture. Historical Society.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Where is it?

Oh, it cleans up nice, don't it?

What did Anne say when you told her?

I bet she was impressed.

You did tell her? Not yet.

She's not really interested in this kind of thing.

Right. Sure, yeah, who cares about boring old gold?

Look, I spoke to a mate of mine - nothing specific,

just a-a what if -

and Rocky reckons he'd be able to sell it for us privately.

What do you think?

I think it's ridiculous, and illegal, obviously.

We found it.

Not The Crown or fucking Farmer Giles.

Us, you and me.

Strictly speaking, I found it. You were just there.

Don't start that.

Right? We were working together.

I was your official spade man.

Half a million, though.

Or maybe more.

Imagine that.

I mean, when was the last time either of us got a real break?

The last 30 years, the world's been screwing us up the arse.

Longer and harder, in your case.

And buried fucking treasure lands in our laps

and you wanna give it away? It's nuts!

Now, I looked it up.

We could get less than a hundred K each if we do it your way.

That's if they agree the price.

They could fuck us both over, and there'd be nothing we could do.

Fail to declare this and we both go to prison.

Rocky knows people. He'll take care of it.

All we've gotta do is give him the nod.

How exactly does he know people?

He did a bit of time, but that was ages ago.

It was ancient history, but he's still got the connections.

We report this find.

All I'm saying is sleep on it.

See how you feel. You know, give it 24 hours.

If you still feel the same, we'll declare it.

So, you actually cleaned it yourself?

Well, it was disgusting. I mean, you should've seen it.

Well, you would've seen it if you'd actually been there.

I had my talk. I thought it was a decent place.

You don't have to get down on your hands and knees

and scrub in a decent place.

Look, I just want him to come home.

So why don't we?

What are you talking about? Josh.

What if he came back here to live with us?

The business is doing OK. I've been putting a bit away.

We could hire a carer to help.

Maybe that tattoo girl you like. Oh, Phoenix?

Yeah, she could probably use a bit extra.

All I'm saying is it's a possibility.

Really?

Oh, I want him to come home so much.

You're a good man. You're a good dad.

Thank you.

TV:Today we've come to

one of the Peak District's most popular auctions,

and there's some money to be made if you play your cards right.

It's a full house for this sale.

Thousands of blocks, with many bargains to be had,

and it's standing room only for the latecomers.

And the bidding has really started.

See? I told you we'd be early.

Hm. RINGING

Ashley Taylor?

Ashley. It's Martin.

SIGHS

What we discussed... I've been thinking...

Oh, you all right, Martin?

Yeah, I'm just taking Laura to her interview.

Oh, yeah, of course.

Um, anyway, that friend of yours.

Yes, so you're on the old hands-free.

Rocky?

Yeah, you're on speakerphone, Martin. Hi, Dad.

Oh, right. Yes. Er... hi.

Well, I'll call you back.

It's nothing important.

And, um...

Well, good luck.

Yeah. Sorry.

TV: So, what about the red team's choice?

What do you think he wants?

Oh, we were talking about doing another metal detecting day.

He probably just wanted to firm up some dates.

See? I told you to give it a chance.

What can I say? You were right, and I was wrong.

CLEARS HER THROAT

SHE EXHALES

You're gonna be fine.

You're gonna smash this, right?

Right.

OK. Go on.

Martin?

Hi.

You got a minute? Yeah.

Keeper tells me he saw you and Laura's lad the other day.

Ashley. Right.

Anyway, so...

we've had issues with some arseholes down there.

Coursers. You-You told me.

Anyway, long story short, if Adam's on his own,

he takes his gun with him for security.

OK. Yeah.

All I'm saying is he still shouldn't be pointing it at people,

especially when they've had written permission.

Now, I know you've been in to see the police,

but Adam needs a shotgun licence

to do his job, so any trouble could cause us a real problem.

Nick, look...

This isn't common knowledge,

but Jack hasn't been in contact for quite a while now.

I was worried. I just wanted to get the ball rolling.

Oh, right, OK. What did they say?

Oh, that he's an adult and he can make his own decisions.

That was it. Nothing to do with, er, Adam.

OK. Thanks.

That'll set his mind at rest.

So, you didn't find anything, then?

No buried treasure?

Afraid not.

Never mind.

One day, you'll make me a rich man.

Here's hoping.

Nah, we're OK, in the clear.

He would've come straight out with it. Definitely.

Nick's no fool. People underestimate him.

And if we're gonna do this, we can't take any chances.

So what's the plan?

We need to go and find some more treasure.

And you think they're Anglo-Saxon?

Definitely. You see that script?

Ethelred the II?

That-That's Ethelred the Unready.

He was carved up by the Vikings back in... 997 AD,

Martin? Exactly.

When you left earlier, I suddenly remembered I hadn't told you.

Senior moment.

Any value to them?

Not much. Probably why it slipped my mind. About £20 each.

That's it? Two rusty coins?

No, this is an exciting find from a historical point of view.

Isn't it?

Ashley?

Amazing. Significant.

I'll let you know if there's any reward.

Whatever keeps you lads out of trouble.

Shall we?

Yeah.

Beautiful, and sneaky.

Who'd have thought it, eh? You and me, partners in crime.

FOOTSTEPS

I'm doing this for Laura and Josh.

It's a one-off.

Which is why you need to listen to me and do exactly as I say,

or any deals are off.

Understand?

All right. Message received. You're the boss.

Oh, here he comes.

Martin, this is Rocky.

Rocky, Martin. All right?

Do you wanna pint?

No, thanks. Could you keep this brief?

I'm just a mate saying hello. Sure, sure. Short and sweet.

I know a dealer in London. He's seen the pictures.

We won't get market price, but it's cash in our hands.

No more questions. He's discreet.

Sounds perfect.

I can see him next week.

All I need are the artefacts.

All right, brilliant. Well, they're at yours,

so we'll pop back, pick 'em up, arrange a handover.

Do you really expect me just to give them to you?

There a problem?

What do you get out of it?

10% commission.

How do I know we'll get our money?

I mean, what's to stop you just... taking it all?

Because...

I'm a man of my word.

What do you suggest?

We go together.

We split the money there and then.

That way there's no possibility of, er...

confusion.

I thought you said he was a mug.

He's a bit of a tit. All right? He thinks he knows everything.

I can deal with him.

You'd better.

So you'll help me?

Hm.

Oh! Why are you taking that old bag?

Oh, just some samples for the meeting.

People like to get their hands on something.

Well, if your back goes again, you've only got yourself to blame.

All right. Sandwiches. Great.

Tea. That's me.

Bye.

All right.

See you later. See ya!

DOOR CLOSES

We're here for Gregorie.

I agree.

Anglo-Saxon.

1080...

perhaps earlier.

Undoubtedly.

Those thrymsas were first minted in 620.

I'd say we're looking at... 750s.

Much of this is commonplace.

But the brooch, some of the jewellery...

Stunning, isn't it?

What a skilled artist can do with the most basic of tools. It...

almost defies belief. Indeed.

I can offer...

..200,000.

You can get your money immediately.

It's worth at least twice that, and you know it.

With respect, Mr...

Well, that's not important.

With respect,

these artefacts are worth whatever someone is prepared to pay.

And for me, that's 200,000.

Thank you. It's a generous offer.

I believe so.

But I don't think your friend agrees.

How about 250? Thousand? Obviously.

On the open market, this would fetch three quarters of a million.

Hang on, you said 500 grand. Shush.

As I said, thank you for the offer.

We were hoping for a little bit more.

That I can see.

It's a wonderful find, gentleman.

However...

it is not for me at this time.

Good luck with finding a buyer.

225, final offer.

Oh!

Wow! That is wonderful.

Congratulations. When do you start?

A couple of months.

Gives us enough time that we can find a place up there.

But I'll back all the time to see Josh.

Well, we should celebrate properly, shouldn't we?

Is Ashley coming over?

No, he's in London on some work thing.

Really? Go... Like Dad? Oh, silly buggers.

They should have gone together.

For fuck's sake!

What was that? We had a deal.

He was trying to rip us off!

200,000 in our hands today.

It's worth more to us if we declare it legally.

Yeah, in two years! I need that money now.

I will not be made a fool of.

What? Well, it's a bit late for that!

He was laughing at us. Didn't you see that?

Not now. You stupid old pig-headed...

I said..

not now.

So, er, what are you gonna have for your dinner?

I ain't sure. Missus got this thing about Italian food.

Yeah? Yeah.

Always pasta, or... I dunno, mate.

I can't do too many carbs, to be honest with you.

I'm going for lamb chops.

Lamb chops? I'm gonna marinade 'em.

So, you slice the lamb once you've taken them off the chops.

Yeah, it's chickpeas, apricots, pine nuts,

rice and chicken stock.

And then you put it in a tagine, which is this kind of clay pot.

What's brought all this on? All this cooking

when you're the chef business, what's all that about?

Well, I don't know. I mean, you know, I saw that tagine pot,

and I thought, "I think I've found my kind of..."

Your calling. My calling, in...

Well, I, er... I think we should celebrate.

You know, give a proper welcome to the new boss. Right?

Wagner's opens in ten minutes. It's got a wine list, too.

Do either of you know why I was brought into this unit?

Because you asked someone nicely?

Or PTSD. Is it PTSD?

They're shutting you down, because, and I quote,

"They're all lazy, useless bastards

"who haven't even got the stones

"to form an offensive WhatsApp group."

Bill? Shall we get to work?

COUGHS

Look, Rocky, I'm sorry...

You told me you had him under control.

Right now he has fucked this deal.

Gregorie will tell the other dealers to avoid us like the plague.

Well, it's like I said... We made a deal.

I want my money.

It's up to you how you get it.

Ah!

Hiya! Hi.

How'd it go? Great. Really successful trip.

So, I managed to get some quotes for Josh's room.

Oh, right.

Um, I'm a bit tired. Can I look at them tomorrow?

Oh, well, I've popped them on the dining room table.

I know, I just thought I'd put this stuff away and go straight to bed.

Gregorie Lechamp, well-known for receiving.

Oh, it's in the Middle East.

Did some deals with ISIS.

Tough negotiators, ma'am. Very much take it or leave it.

Have we anything concrete?

Honestly, no. There's an ongoing surveillance operation.

Which I think is a waste of time.

Yeah, because it was my idea.

There's a lot of insubordination in the ranks here, Sarge.

Should I say rank? Yeah.

Right. I-I'll review it. Anything else?

Those happy snaps.

So, who do we think this is?

We had a deal, remember, with Rocky?

Right, he's expecting to be paid, and he doesn't slap wrists.

Nasty piece of work, but art crime?

You do know you're in Bridgwater?

I swear, I didn't know anything about it.

OK, why would I report you to the police?

I might as well turn myself in. What about him?

You told me you had him under control.

So, how much do you owe?

About 40,000.

You spent our wedding money. 'What about Rocky?'

I'll deal with him from now on.

I'm sure he'll see reason when we explain the situation.

GROANS

Listen to me, you f...

# No-one dies a hero

# When the grave no favour gives

# Everyone's a loser

# When there's nothing Left to win. #