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1
00:00:02,610 --> 00:00:04,610
Welcome back
to "Morning Mimosa"!
2
00:00:04,645 --> 00:00:05,711
I'm Trish.
3
00:00:05,747 --> 00:00:08,481
And I'm Sues,
A.K.A. "The Sizzle."
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00:00:08,516 --> 00:00:10,783
As always, we're bringing you
5
00:00:10,818 --> 00:00:13,486
five full hours
of mimosas and...
6
00:00:13,521 --> 00:00:15,354
Oh, and...
7
00:00:15,390 --> 00:00:18,257
Whoops!
I forgot our catchphrase again!
8
00:00:18,292 --> 00:00:21,427
Uh-oh, Trish.
Sounds to me like you've had...
9
00:00:21,462 --> 00:00:24,397
Too many mimosas!
10
00:00:26,134 --> 00:00:28,234
Is that Kelly I hear?
11
00:00:28,269 --> 00:00:29,668
Ladies, let's dance!
12
00:00:29,704 --> 00:00:31,203
# What doesn't kill
you makes you stronger #
13
00:00:31,239 --> 00:00:33,072
# stand a little taller
14
00:00:33,107 --> 00:00:35,741
# doesn't mean I'm lonely
when I'm alone #
15
00:00:35,777 --> 00:00:39,145
I love it when fat ladies
feel falsely empowered.
16
00:00:39,180 --> 00:00:41,814
Who's up next, Charlie?
17
00:00:42,173 --> 00:00:44,974
The creator of the stupidest
diet I've ever heard of.
18
00:00:45,009 --> 00:00:46,976
I think she eats algae
or something?
19
00:00:47,011 --> 00:00:48,411
Let's find out.
20
00:00:48,446 --> 00:00:49,912
It's Rhonda Hughart!
21
00:00:51,549 --> 00:00:53,082
Hi, Trish.
Hi, Sizzle.
22
00:00:53,118 --> 00:00:54,951
Thanks for having me on.
23
00:00:54,986 --> 00:00:56,986
My diet
is about sensible --
24
00:00:57,021 --> 00:00:59,388
Buppity-bup-bup-
bup-bup-bup-bup!
25
00:00:59,424 --> 00:01:02,492
How many mimosas a day
can you have on this diet?
26
00:01:02,527 --> 00:01:04,694
Um, if you've been good,
27
00:01:04,729 --> 00:01:06,395
maybe...one?
28
00:01:07,699 --> 00:01:10,399
Uh-oh.
Buckle up, bitch.
29
00:01:10,435 --> 00:01:13,436
One mimosa?
Are you insane?!
30
00:01:13,471 --> 00:01:16,005
Cut off her head
and put it in a bag!
31
00:01:16,040 --> 00:01:17,907
Sues, I think
we've found ourselves
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00:01:17,942 --> 00:01:19,675
someone to publicly shame.
33
00:01:19,711 --> 00:01:20,843
What does that mean?
34
00:01:20,879 --> 00:01:22,745
Oh, God, what does that mean?
35
00:01:22,781 --> 00:01:25,648
I love it when
they turn on their guests.
36
00:01:25,683 --> 00:01:27,150
I'm sorry,
37
00:01:27,185 --> 00:01:29,085
you can have
all the mimosas you want!
38
00:01:29,120 --> 00:01:30,853
That's not enough!
39
00:01:34,659 --> 00:01:38,027
All food thrown at our
guests is provided by Taco King.
40
00:01:38,062 --> 00:01:41,097
Taco King -- food so delicious,
it stays together in the air.
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00:01:43,134 --> 00:01:45,201
I have kids!
42
00:01:47,939 --> 00:01:50,606
# Good morning, U.S.A.
43
00:01:50,642 --> 00:01:54,477
# I got a feelin' that
it's gonna be a wonderful day #
44
00:01:54,512 --> 00:01:57,580
# the sun in the sky
has a smile on his face #
45
00:01:57,615 --> 00:02:01,884
# and he's shinin' a salute
to the American race #
46
00:02:03,788 --> 00:02:07,123
# oh, boy, it's swell to say
47
00:02:07,158 --> 00:02:09,692
# good --
# good morning, U.S.A.
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00:02:17,902 --> 00:02:21,204
Steve, I asked you
to set the table 10 minutes ago.
49
00:02:21,239 --> 00:02:22,538
Dinner's ready.
50
00:02:22,574 --> 00:02:23,873
But I'm on level 15!
51
00:02:23,908 --> 00:02:26,108
Well, I'm on level one
of the house,
52
00:02:26,144 --> 00:02:27,610
where I cooked for you.
53
00:02:27,645 --> 00:02:28,811
Now set the table.
54
00:02:28,847 --> 00:02:30,513
I didn't ask you to cook for me.
55
00:02:30,548 --> 00:02:32,081
Excuse me?
56
00:02:32,116 --> 00:02:34,217
Mom, I'm busy.
I'll do it in a minute.
57
00:02:34,252 --> 00:02:38,087
No! It didn't save!
It didn't save!
58
00:02:38,122 --> 00:02:39,622
What were you thinking?
59
00:02:39,657 --> 00:02:40,690
I was thinking...
60
00:02:40,725 --> 00:02:42,592
go set the table.
61
00:02:42,627 --> 00:02:44,260
Fuck you!
62
00:02:47,799 --> 00:02:49,565
Wow.
63
00:02:59,277 --> 00:03:00,543
And what did your mom say?
64
00:03:00,578 --> 00:03:01,777
Nothing.
65
00:03:01,813 --> 00:03:03,646
She -- she just walked
out of the room.
66
00:03:03,681 --> 00:03:05,982
This is bad.
This is real bad.
67
00:03:06,017 --> 00:03:08,117
Yeah, she's pretty pissed.
68
00:03:08,152 --> 00:03:10,052
I'm just gonna lay low
till it blows over.
69
00:03:10,088 --> 00:03:12,054
What if it doesn't blow over?
70
00:03:12,090 --> 00:03:13,956
Saying "F" you to your mom
71
00:03:13,992 --> 00:03:16,092
can change your dynamic forever!
72
00:03:16,127 --> 00:03:18,127
Ah, maybe you guys are right.
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00:03:18,162 --> 00:03:19,929
Toshi, care to weigh in?
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00:03:19,964 --> 00:03:20,997
Tosh?
75
00:03:22,500 --> 00:03:25,835
Uh, Toshi just walked
past my house.
76
00:03:30,583 --> 00:03:31,983
Steve, I'm very disappointed
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00:03:32,018 --> 00:03:34,418
that you used that language
with your mother.
78
00:03:34,454 --> 00:03:35,853
That being said,
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00:03:35,889 --> 00:03:37,822
I'm more excited for dinner
than I have been in years.
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00:03:37,857 --> 00:03:39,457
You did a very bad thing.
81
00:03:39,492 --> 00:03:41,626
You know who had to set
the table tonight? Me.
82
00:03:41,661 --> 00:03:43,027
What are you talking about?
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00:03:43,062 --> 00:03:44,462
I set the table.
84
00:03:44,497 --> 00:03:45,863
Well, I would have been
next in line,
85
00:03:45,899 --> 00:03:47,532
and I did not like it.
86
00:03:47,567 --> 00:03:50,535
I made everyone's favorite --
mac and cheese omelettes.
87
00:03:50,570 --> 00:03:52,103
Awesome.
Breakfast for dinner.
88
00:03:52,138 --> 00:03:53,538
My favorite.
89
00:03:53,573 --> 00:03:56,007
So, um, mom,
I have something for you.
90
00:03:56,042 --> 00:03:58,543
Oh, do you guys hear something?
91
00:03:58,578 --> 00:03:59,710
'Cause I don't.
92
00:03:59,746 --> 00:04:02,113
Come on, mom.
Just take the card.
93
00:04:02,148 --> 00:04:03,481
Mom, don't ignore me.
94
00:04:03,516 --> 00:04:04,903
Why not?
It's fun!
95
00:04:05,023 --> 00:04:06,422
I'm ignoring Klaus right now,
96
00:04:06,458 --> 00:04:08,224
and it's not
bothering him at all.
97
00:04:08,260 --> 00:04:09,525
It's very peaceful.
98
00:04:09,561 --> 00:04:11,227
He was my only problem.
99
00:04:12,156 --> 00:04:13,723
Hey, where's mine?
100
00:04:13,758 --> 00:04:16,659
You didn't ask me
to cook for you, remember?
101
00:04:16,694 --> 00:04:18,794
But i-it was
in the heat of the moment and --
102
00:04:18,830 --> 00:04:20,930
Steve, you really
hurt my feelings.
103
00:04:20,965 --> 00:04:23,766
Part one of your punishment
is I'm ignoring you.
104
00:04:23,801 --> 00:04:26,035
Part two is no dinner.
105
00:04:26,070 --> 00:04:27,470
When I snap my fingers,
106
00:04:27,505 --> 00:04:28,971
I'm gonna do part one on Hayley.
107
00:04:29,007 --> 00:04:30,473
Where'd she go?
108
00:04:30,508 --> 00:04:32,241
But I was gonna say sorry.
109
00:04:32,277 --> 00:04:35,011
A-and I even got you
this stupid card.
110
00:04:36,614 --> 00:04:39,749
So we're cool, right?
Like penguin says?
111
00:04:39,784 --> 00:04:41,550
Mac and cheese omelet?
112
00:04:41,586 --> 00:04:43,586
The penguin might be cool,
113
00:04:43,621 --> 00:04:44,720
but we are not.
114
00:04:44,756 --> 00:04:46,689
Something has changed, Steve.
115
00:04:46,724 --> 00:04:47,924
The dynamic?
116
00:04:47,959 --> 00:04:49,992
You're goddamn right
it's the dynamic.
117
00:04:51,195 --> 00:04:53,896
This dinner is not a letdown.
118
00:04:53,932 --> 00:04:55,631
Oh, now you're mad at me.
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00:04:55,667 --> 00:04:57,166
Too bad I'm ignoring you.
120
00:04:57,201 --> 00:04:58,567
In fact...
121
00:04:58,603 --> 00:05:00,136
- Gone.
- Gone.
122
00:05:00,171 --> 00:05:01,203
Gone.
123
00:05:01,239 --> 00:05:03,873
Alone at last.
124
00:05:03,908 --> 00:05:06,208
I can eat how I want.
125
00:05:13,318 --> 00:05:15,918
Where the hell
are the leftovers?
126
00:05:15,954 --> 00:05:17,954
Looking for something?
127
00:05:17,989 --> 00:05:19,121
Barry?
128
00:05:19,157 --> 00:05:20,823
Y-you're eating
the leftovers?
129
00:05:20,858 --> 00:05:23,125
Maybe you can have
his leftovers.
130
00:05:23,161 --> 00:05:25,795
We both know
that's not gonna happen.
131
00:05:25,830 --> 00:05:28,631
No dinner meant no dinner.
132
00:05:28,666 --> 00:05:30,299
I didn't come down here
for food.
133
00:05:30,335 --> 00:05:32,535
I'm down here for...
134
00:05:32,570 --> 00:05:33,970
the crisper drawer.
135
00:05:34,005 --> 00:05:37,239
I'm building a fort,
and it needs a window.
136
00:05:38,810 --> 00:05:40,042
You sound hungry.
137
00:05:40,078 --> 00:05:42,311
I'm hungry to finish my fort!
138
00:05:45,984 --> 00:05:47,083
Morning, mom.
139
00:05:47,118 --> 00:05:48,818
Thank God it's laundry day,
140
00:05:48,853 --> 00:05:51,187
'cause I'm all out of undies
up there.
141
00:05:51,222 --> 00:05:53,222
I am undie-free.
Sans panties.
142
00:05:53,257 --> 00:05:55,057
Less panty, mo' problems.
143
00:05:55,093 --> 00:05:57,593
Let me briefs you
on the situation --
144
00:05:57,628 --> 00:05:59,228
I ain't got no underwear.
145
00:05:59,263 --> 00:06:00,896
Mm-hmm.
What's your point?
146
00:06:00,932 --> 00:06:02,798
Didn't you do my laundry?
No.
147
00:06:02,834 --> 00:06:04,200
What you said is something
148
00:06:04,235 --> 00:06:05,935
you don't say to your mother.
149
00:06:05,970 --> 00:06:08,938
So you must not think of me
as a mother at all.
150
00:06:08,973 --> 00:06:11,273
So, from now on,
you're on your own.
151
00:06:11,309 --> 00:06:13,909
Mommy-free.
Sans mommy.
152
00:06:13,945 --> 00:06:16,045
You ain't got no mama.
153
00:06:16,080 --> 00:06:17,246
What's that, Francine?
154
00:06:17,281 --> 00:06:18,914
I think you dropped a challenge.
155
00:06:18,950 --> 00:06:20,316
And I'm pickin' it up.
156
00:06:20,351 --> 00:06:22,752
'Cause I can do
everything you do for me --
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00:06:22,787 --> 00:06:23,986
laundry, cooking,
158
00:06:24,022 --> 00:06:26,689
telling myself
I'm a big, handsome boy.
159
00:06:26,724 --> 00:06:29,258
First step,
making myself some pancakes!
160
00:06:31,229 --> 00:06:33,729
Oh, no.
This is so hard.
161
00:06:33,765 --> 00:06:34,930
What a joke.
162
00:06:34,966 --> 00:06:36,632
Ha! I'm laughing.
163
00:06:36,667 --> 00:06:38,868
Ha! This is laughable,
is what it is.
164
00:06:38,903 --> 00:06:39,869
Mmm.
165
00:06:41,139 --> 00:06:43,639
Your pancake mix
was laundry soap.
166
00:06:45,777 --> 00:06:48,244
So it seems.
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00:06:56,201 --> 00:06:59,335
Game over, laundry.
Mastered this pretty fast.
168
00:06:59,371 --> 00:07:01,037
Aah!
169
00:07:01,072 --> 00:07:02,839
You're in over your head, Steve.
170
00:07:02,874 --> 00:07:04,307
You think you can do better?
171
00:07:04,342 --> 00:07:05,441
Oh, definitely not.
172
00:07:05,477 --> 00:07:07,043
That's why
I'm nice to mom --
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00:07:07,078 --> 00:07:08,845
so she'll keep taking care of me
174
00:07:08,880 --> 00:07:10,213
well into my adult years.
175
00:07:10,248 --> 00:07:11,748
Idiot.
176
00:07:11,783 --> 00:07:13,049
How's he doing?
177
00:07:13,084 --> 00:07:14,417
Horribly.
178
00:07:14,452 --> 00:07:17,220
Great! I knew he couldn't
survive without me.
179
00:07:17,255 --> 00:07:20,023
He'll learn his lesson
and come crawling back.
180
00:07:20,058 --> 00:07:22,825
And that's how I want to see
my little man --
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00:07:22,861 --> 00:07:24,060
begging for mercy
182
00:07:24,095 --> 00:07:26,095
because
he's completely incapable
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00:07:26,131 --> 00:07:27,797
of taking care of himself.
184
00:07:27,832 --> 00:07:29,465
Motherhood.
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00:07:29,501 --> 00:07:31,100
Mom, can I just say
186
00:07:31,136 --> 00:07:33,436
that of all the punishments
you've ever come up with,
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00:07:33,471 --> 00:07:35,438
this is by far
the most brilliant.
188
00:07:35,473 --> 00:07:38,141
Unrelated, can you start
this orange for me?
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00:07:38,176 --> 00:07:39,876
I don't know how.
190
00:07:48,119 --> 00:07:49,319
I got you dinner.
191
00:07:49,354 --> 00:07:50,953
You couldn't leave
a ladder for me?
192
00:07:50,989 --> 00:07:53,022
My mom would see it.
It's too dangerous.
193
00:07:53,058 --> 00:07:56,025
No, what's dangerous
is crawling past Hayley's room
194
00:07:56,061 --> 00:07:58,127
with a plate
full of chipped beef.
195
00:07:58,163 --> 00:08:00,229
Wait, her room's
on the other side of the hou--
196
00:08:00,265 --> 00:08:02,799
Let's not get bogged down
in the details
197
00:08:02,834 --> 00:08:04,867
about who was
masturbating where.
198
00:08:04,903 --> 00:08:07,403
You just have to end this war
with your mom.
199
00:08:07,439 --> 00:08:10,073
I tried,
but she wants to keep fighting,
200
00:08:10,108 --> 00:08:11,974
so now I'm in it to win it.
201
00:08:12,010 --> 00:08:14,444
Look at yourself.
You've already lost, bud.
202
00:08:14,479 --> 00:08:16,446
You stink, and you're starving.
203
00:08:16,481 --> 00:08:18,514
And you're not
wearing underwear.
204
00:08:18,550 --> 00:08:20,149
How can you tell that?
205
00:08:20,185 --> 00:08:22,852
We're best friends.
I know your body.
206
00:08:22,887 --> 00:08:24,387
If you're not gonna make up
with your mom,
207
00:08:24,422 --> 00:08:26,222
you've got to learn
to take care of yourself.
208
00:08:26,257 --> 00:08:28,157
But how?
209
00:08:28,193 --> 00:08:30,226
Remember when I straightened
my hair that summer?
210
00:08:30,261 --> 00:08:32,362
Of course I remember.
211
00:08:32,397 --> 00:08:34,997
You didn't swim all summer.
212
00:08:35,033 --> 00:08:37,400
But I never looked so good.
213
00:08:37,435 --> 00:08:40,203
A lot of guys hit on me
from behind.
214
00:08:40,238 --> 00:08:41,938
# Dum dee do bee dum
215
00:08:41,973 --> 00:08:44,407
# wah wah wah wah
216
00:08:44,442 --> 00:08:45,942
# dum dum...
217
00:08:45,977 --> 00:08:48,811
The point is,
I learned to do my hair myself
218
00:08:48,847 --> 00:08:50,813
from watching YouTube videos.
219
00:08:50,849 --> 00:08:53,249
And you can learn to cook
the same way.
220
00:08:53,284 --> 00:08:54,884
What are you hungry for?
221
00:08:54,919 --> 00:08:56,819
Pancakes.
222
00:08:56,855 --> 00:08:58,354
Your journey begins now.
223
00:08:58,390 --> 00:08:59,922
But whatever you do,
224
00:08:59,958 --> 00:09:03,192
don't get sidetracked
by snakebite videos.
225
00:09:03,228 --> 00:09:06,229
They're always one click away,
and they're very addictive.
226
00:09:06,264 --> 00:09:08,464
I wouldn't want to watch
snakebite videos.
227
00:09:08,500 --> 00:09:09,899
Good.
228
00:09:09,934 --> 00:09:11,334
Good.
229
00:09:18,410 --> 00:09:20,309
"OMG," huh?
230
00:09:20,345 --> 00:09:22,345
Let's see
what all the fuss is about.
231
00:09:22,380 --> 00:09:24,814
Whoa, that's a king cobra!
232
00:09:24,849 --> 00:09:26,215
Why are you taunting him?
233
00:09:26,251 --> 00:09:27,216
Oh, he got him.
234
00:09:27,252 --> 00:09:28,451
Oh, he got him again!
235
00:09:28,486 --> 00:09:29,552
And again!
236
00:09:29,587 --> 00:09:32,288
It's just a series of strikes!
237
00:09:32,323 --> 00:09:34,023
Whoa!
238
00:09:34,058 --> 00:09:36,025
That was stressful.
239
00:09:36,060 --> 00:09:38,094
Okay, just one more.
240
00:09:39,564 --> 00:09:42,131
Dude, drop the camera
and help your friend.
241
00:09:42,167 --> 00:09:43,933
He got bit by a rattlesnake!
242
00:09:43,968 --> 00:09:45,868
He is dying!
243
00:09:47,105 --> 00:09:48,471
Oh, what's a black mamba?
244
00:09:48,506 --> 00:09:50,206
Wonder if they're friendly --
245
00:09:50,241 --> 00:09:51,607
Oh, God, they're not!
246
00:09:51,643 --> 00:09:52,975
They're not!
247
00:09:53,011 --> 00:09:55,011
Oh! Why am I so hungry?!
248
00:09:55,046 --> 00:09:57,313
Oh, yeah.
Pancake videos.
249
00:09:57,348 --> 00:09:59,482
Let's see what we got here.
250
00:09:59,517 --> 00:10:01,217
"Pan-snakes"? Sure.
251
00:10:01,252 --> 00:10:03,052
No!
252
00:10:05,523 --> 00:10:07,190
These are amazing, Steve!
253
00:10:07,225 --> 00:10:09,325
They remind me
of this wonderful meal
254
00:10:09,360 --> 00:10:10,393
I had on the cape.
255
00:10:10,428 --> 00:10:12,261
Ohh, what was the dish?
256
00:10:12,297 --> 00:10:14,197
That's right --
pancakes.
257
00:10:14,232 --> 00:10:17,099
Oh, look who learned to cook.
258
00:10:17,135 --> 00:10:20,269
Guess somebody's ready to make
a little peace offering?
259
00:10:20,305 --> 00:10:21,637
The only thing I'm offering
260
00:10:21,673 --> 00:10:23,406
is a boysenberry-lemon
reduction.
261
00:10:25,210 --> 00:10:26,342
But not to you.
262
00:10:26,377 --> 00:10:28,110
Oh, for God's sake, Steve.
Grow up.
263
00:10:28,146 --> 00:10:29,512
I have grown up, mother.
264
00:10:29,547 --> 00:10:32,048
I've grown up a lot
in the last eight hours.
265
00:10:32,083 --> 00:10:33,249
I learned how to cook,
266
00:10:33,284 --> 00:10:34,984
how to set a dryer
for delicates,
267
00:10:35,019 --> 00:10:37,086
and how to suck venom
out of a snakebite.
268
00:10:37,121 --> 00:10:38,955
Now I don't need you
for anything.
269
00:10:38,990 --> 00:10:41,157
He's right, Francine.
Those are all the things.
270
00:10:41,192 --> 00:10:42,592
Whose side are you on anyway?
271
00:10:42,627 --> 00:10:44,293
Whoever makes the best pancakes.
272
00:10:44,329 --> 00:10:46,395
I'm on your side, mom.
273
00:10:46,431 --> 00:10:49,098
Maple syrup
stuck-stuck.
274
00:10:49,133 --> 00:10:51,601
You may be feeling...
275
00:10:51,636 --> 00:10:55,137
like you've got it
all figured out, young man.
276
00:10:55,173 --> 00:10:57,540
No more soap in your pancakes...
277
00:10:57,575 --> 00:11:00,009
clothes all clean.
278
00:11:00,044 --> 00:11:01,310
But trust me --
279
00:11:02,947 --> 00:11:06,015
you're gonna realize
sooner or later that --
280
00:11:07,185 --> 00:11:11,254
every boy needs his mother!
281
00:11:11,289 --> 00:11:13,656
Stan, will you join me
in the other room?
282
00:11:13,691 --> 00:11:16,292
I think we should have
a long conversation
283
00:11:16,327 --> 00:11:18,094
about parenting decisions.
284
00:11:18,129 --> 00:11:19,095
Uh-oh.
285
00:11:19,130 --> 00:11:20,196
Gone.
286
00:11:20,231 --> 00:11:21,998
Off to work.
287
00:11:23,468 --> 00:11:26,669
Steve, how did you learn
to cook like this?
288
00:11:28,740 --> 00:11:32,208
Got the recipe off YouTube,
but I made it my own.
289
00:11:32,243 --> 00:11:35,111
You know, I should make
my own cooking videos.
290
00:11:35,146 --> 00:11:38,281
Give back to the community
and rub it in mom's face.
291
00:11:38,316 --> 00:11:39,515
Oh, you totally should.
292
00:11:39,551 --> 00:11:41,417
But what would you call
your channel?
293
00:11:41,452 --> 00:11:44,554
Oh! Oh! How about
a taste of Steve?
294
00:11:44,589 --> 00:11:45,721
Mouthful of Steve.
295
00:11:45,757 --> 00:11:47,189
Steve in your mouth.
296
00:11:47,225 --> 00:11:48,991
Stop me when you hear one
you like.
297
00:11:49,027 --> 00:11:51,193
A taste of Steve in your mouth.
298
00:11:51,229 --> 00:11:52,428
That's all I got.
299
00:11:55,099 --> 00:11:56,566
Hey, Stan, great news!
300
00:11:56,601 --> 00:11:58,734
My daughter's soccer team
qualified for regionals.
301
00:11:58,770 --> 00:12:00,536
So we're trying to raise
money for --
302
00:12:00,572 --> 00:12:02,004
You know what, Jackson?
303
00:12:02,040 --> 00:12:03,973
This might be crazy,
but I'm gonna try something.
304
00:12:04,008 --> 00:12:05,308
Gone.
305
00:12:05,343 --> 00:12:06,609
It worked!
306
00:12:09,314 --> 00:12:10,379
What?
307
00:12:10,415 --> 00:12:11,347
Gone.
308
00:12:11,382 --> 00:12:12,315
Gone.
309
00:12:12,350 --> 00:12:14,050
Gone.
310
00:12:15,153 --> 00:12:17,119
Smith, you can't
just barge in here --
311
00:12:17,155 --> 00:12:18,220
Gone.
312
00:12:18,256 --> 00:12:20,189
Alone in the boss's office.
313
00:12:20,224 --> 00:12:21,724
Let's try out the chair.
314
00:12:24,762 --> 00:12:27,430
Deputy Director Smith.
315
00:12:27,465 --> 00:12:29,298
First order of business,
316
00:12:29,334 --> 00:12:31,601
get a less erect chair.
317
00:12:31,636 --> 00:12:34,170
Now, once we've put
the souffle in the oven,
318
00:12:34,205 --> 00:12:36,238
we can start prepping
the coq au vin.
319
00:12:36,274 --> 00:12:37,573
This classic peasant dish
320
00:12:37,609 --> 00:12:39,542
is not as complicated
as it looks.
321
00:12:39,577 --> 00:12:41,377
I'm a kid, so the hardest part
322
00:12:41,412 --> 00:12:42,511
is getting the wine.
323
00:12:44,248 --> 00:12:46,482
So many views.
324
00:12:46,517 --> 00:12:48,351
That's all for now.
325
00:12:48,386 --> 00:12:50,653
I'm the Orphan Chef,
wishing you smaklig maltid.
326
00:12:50,688 --> 00:12:52,755
That's Swedish for bon app�tit.
327
00:12:52,790 --> 00:12:54,323
Am I Swedish?
328
00:12:54,359 --> 00:12:56,759
I don't know.
My mother abandoned me.
329
00:12:56,794 --> 00:12:58,394
That little jerk.
330
00:12:58,429 --> 00:13:00,429
Where does he get off
insulting me like that?
331
00:13:00,465 --> 00:13:03,299
Hey, an orphan means
he also doesn't have a father.
332
00:13:03,334 --> 00:13:05,201
Well, that part's kind of true.
333
00:13:08,172 --> 00:13:09,271
Oh, my God!
334
00:13:09,307 --> 00:13:11,040
Charlie Greenfield,
335
00:13:11,075 --> 00:13:13,442
executive producer
of "Morning Mimosa"!
336
00:13:13,478 --> 00:13:15,044
Did I finally get tickets?
337
00:13:15,079 --> 00:13:17,079
No, no. These hands
don't deliver tickets.
338
00:13:17,115 --> 00:13:18,414
Well, this one does.
339
00:13:18,449 --> 00:13:20,449
But this one finds
the stars of tomorrow.
340
00:13:20,485 --> 00:13:24,453
And there he is --
the Orphan Chef.
341
00:13:24,489 --> 00:13:27,223
Sorry, buddy, you got to order
aprons off the website.
342
00:13:27,258 --> 00:13:29,258
No, I'm here
from "Morning Mimosa"
343
00:13:29,293 --> 00:13:32,228
and we want you to come down
and do half a segment --
344
00:13:32,263 --> 00:13:33,295
Half a segment?!
345
00:13:33,331 --> 00:13:34,830
Live, tomorrow morning.
346
00:13:34,866 --> 00:13:36,265
Live, tomorrow mor--
347
00:13:36,300 --> 00:13:37,600
So you're interested?
348
00:13:37,635 --> 00:13:39,335
Great. I'll send a limo
in the morning.
349
00:13:39,370 --> 00:13:40,803
Send a limo?!
350
00:13:40,838 --> 00:13:43,472
Steve, I don't know
if you're ready to perform live
351
00:13:43,508 --> 00:13:46,242
in front of the most hostile
audience in television.
352
00:13:46,277 --> 00:13:47,510
You're just jealous
353
00:13:47,545 --> 00:13:49,278
'cause I'm getting
out of this dump.
354
00:13:49,313 --> 00:13:51,113
She's just jealous.
I can tell.
355
00:13:51,149 --> 00:13:54,183
Now, let us know if you have
anybody that needs tickets.
356
00:13:54,218 --> 00:13:56,786
Perhaps this haggard lady
who runs the orphanage?
357
00:13:56,821 --> 00:13:59,722
Nah. Just give those tickets
away to someone in need.
358
00:13:59,757 --> 00:14:01,090
What an amazing boy.
359
00:14:01,125 --> 00:14:02,692
If it weren't for his face,
360
00:14:02,727 --> 00:14:05,728
I'd be completely baffled
about why he was abandoned.
361
00:14:07,732 --> 00:14:09,565
Half a segment?!
362
00:14:13,903 --> 00:14:16,070
We gave
our homely housewife, Jan,
363
00:14:16,106 --> 00:14:17,872
the makeover treatment.
364
00:14:17,907 --> 00:14:19,373
New clothes, new 'do.
365
00:14:19,409 --> 00:14:21,342
How do you think she looks?
366
00:14:25,014 --> 00:14:29,217
Ohh, looks like
we got another one.
367
00:14:29,252 --> 00:14:31,319
Jan is...
368
00:14:31,354 --> 00:14:34,322
unsalvageable!
369
00:14:37,160 --> 00:14:39,260
Bleh!
370
00:14:39,295 --> 00:14:40,895
Pretty hot crowd today.
371
00:14:40,930 --> 00:14:43,197
Yeah, it's Maximum
Mimosa Monday.
372
00:14:43,233 --> 00:14:45,233
They're gonna kill your son.
373
00:14:45,268 --> 00:14:46,501
Welcome to our studio.
374
00:14:46,536 --> 00:14:48,836
So, this is where
the magic happens.
375
00:14:48,872 --> 00:14:51,205
The real magic will happen
when I cook today.
376
00:14:51,241 --> 00:14:53,074
The only thing I melt
faster than butter
377
00:14:53,109 --> 00:14:54,475
is people's hearts.
378
00:14:54,511 --> 00:14:57,078
Anyone ever tell you
that you have the confidence
379
00:14:57,113 --> 00:14:59,413
of a white kid
with upper-middle-class parents?
380
00:15:00,617 --> 00:15:04,185
Open your mouths, you animals!
381
00:15:04,220 --> 00:15:06,287
This way to the green room.
382
00:15:07,524 --> 00:15:09,056
Ha! Ha! Ha!
383
00:15:09,092 --> 00:15:11,325
So, you'll be on
after the dancing monkeys.
384
00:15:11,361 --> 00:15:13,394
This is the first time
they've been on
385
00:15:13,429 --> 00:15:14,395
since the attack.
386
00:15:14,430 --> 00:15:15,963
They attacked the audience?
387
00:15:15,999 --> 00:15:17,131
Oh God, no.
388
00:15:17,167 --> 00:15:19,400
The audience
attacked the monkeys.
389
00:15:22,906 --> 00:15:25,039
Relax, mommy's here.
390
00:15:25,074 --> 00:15:26,474
Mommy?
391
00:15:26,509 --> 00:15:27,608
I'm not their real mommy.
392
00:15:27,644 --> 00:15:29,243
I killed her in the Congo.
393
00:15:29,279 --> 00:15:32,180
These guys get so nervous
before they perform.
394
00:15:32,215 --> 00:15:34,282
Well, we better get out there.
395
00:15:37,420 --> 00:15:39,086
Everything's fine.
396
00:15:39,122 --> 00:15:40,855
The dancing monkeys
will -- will put the audience
397
00:15:40,890 --> 00:15:42,023
in a great mood.
398
00:15:42,058 --> 00:15:44,058
That's not dancing!
It's hopping!
399
00:15:44,093 --> 00:15:46,494
Kill the monkeys!
400
00:15:52,936 --> 00:15:54,569
- Gone.
- Gone.
401
00:15:54,604 --> 00:15:56,204
Gone.
402
00:15:56,239 --> 00:15:58,039
Last man on earth.
403
00:16:03,146 --> 00:16:06,247
Nothing but empty spots.
404
00:16:08,551 --> 00:16:10,051
What the hell, man?
405
00:16:10,086 --> 00:16:11,219
Gone.
406
00:16:11,254 --> 00:16:12,420
Aww.
407
00:16:15,258 --> 00:16:17,558
Day 10.
No signs of life.
408
00:16:21,998 --> 00:16:24,265
Those women shaved my head!
409
00:16:24,300 --> 00:16:25,967
They shaved my head!
410
00:16:26,002 --> 00:16:27,368
Where are the monkeys?
411
00:16:27,403 --> 00:16:29,237
They escaped to the rafters!
412
00:16:30,106 --> 00:16:32,240
No more mimosas!
413
00:16:32,275 --> 00:16:34,442
They've had enough mimosas!
414
00:16:35,478 --> 00:16:36,477
Aaaah!
415
00:16:39,182 --> 00:16:41,315
Where do you think you're going?
416
00:16:41,351 --> 00:16:42,516
You're on!
417
00:16:42,552 --> 00:16:44,285
They're ready...
418
00:16:44,320 --> 00:16:45,987
for you!
419
00:16:46,022 --> 00:16:47,688
Next up, whoo!
420
00:16:47,724 --> 00:16:53,060
We have a YouTube sensation
known as the Orphan Chef.
421
00:16:53,096 --> 00:16:55,997
He was abandoned by his mother,
422
00:16:56,032 --> 00:16:59,300
and he learned to cook
gourmet cuisine
423
00:16:59,335 --> 00:17:00,668
all by himself.
424
00:17:00,703 --> 00:17:02,536
Amazing.
425
00:17:02,572 --> 00:17:04,505
Welcome the orphan chef!
426
00:17:06,276 --> 00:17:08,309
Great to have you here.
427
00:17:08,344 --> 00:17:09,310
Mimosa?
428
00:17:09,345 --> 00:17:10,478
I'm 14.
429
00:17:10,513 --> 00:17:12,546
Who's gonna find out,
your mother?
430
00:17:14,117 --> 00:17:15,950
So, what are you
gonna cook for us?
431
00:17:15,985 --> 00:17:17,218
I'm starving!
432
00:17:17,253 --> 00:17:20,154
Uh...I-I-I wanted to make
my specialty,
433
00:17:20,189 --> 00:17:21,322
u-uh, coq a vin.
434
00:17:21,357 --> 00:17:22,990
What the hell is that?
435
00:17:23,026 --> 00:17:24,158
French chicken!
436
00:17:25,561 --> 00:17:28,796
I-it's, um, m-much easier
than you think.
437
00:17:28,916 --> 00:17:31,299
I'm a kid,
so the hardest part is...
438
00:17:31,334 --> 00:17:32,553
is...
439
00:17:32,673 --> 00:17:33,734
Is what?
440
00:17:33,770 --> 00:17:35,636
What is it?
Finish your sentence!
441
00:17:35,672 --> 00:17:38,039
Is wine...
442
00:17:38,074 --> 00:17:39,407
getting.
443
00:17:42,545 --> 00:17:45,179
I'll just start the dish.
444
00:17:45,214 --> 00:17:47,181
You grew up without a mom.
445
00:17:47,216 --> 00:17:49,350
Tell us how terrible that was.
446
00:17:49,385 --> 00:17:51,319
It -- it wasn't
that bad.
447
00:17:51,354 --> 00:17:52,453
Yes, it was.
448
00:17:52,488 --> 00:17:54,021
No mom to kiss
your boo-boos?
449
00:17:54,057 --> 00:17:56,257
No mom to hold you
after a bad day.
450
00:17:56,292 --> 00:17:58,292
Who celebrated your birthday
and tucked you in at night?
451
00:17:58,328 --> 00:17:59,527
Your mom?
Not likely.
452
00:17:59,562 --> 00:18:00,995
As if.
So sad.
453
00:18:01,030 --> 00:18:03,597
I-I really should
focus on -- on this.
454
00:18:03,633 --> 00:18:05,700
You know what I just realized?
455
00:18:05,735 --> 00:18:08,235
This kid has no mom!
456
00:18:08,271 --> 00:18:10,671
What? No mom?
457
00:18:10,707 --> 00:18:12,573
Nope.
If he died here today,
458
00:18:12,608 --> 00:18:15,076
there would be no mommy
to mourn him.
459
00:18:15,111 --> 00:18:17,044
And no mommy to press charges.
460
00:18:17,080 --> 00:18:18,646
How did this get so dark?
461
00:18:19,782 --> 00:18:21,515
Oh, thank God.
It's ready.
462
00:18:23,252 --> 00:18:24,752
What is that crap?
463
00:18:26,489 --> 00:18:28,589
I-I made an omelet.
464
00:18:28,624 --> 00:18:31,258
A mac and cheese omelet.
465
00:18:31,294 --> 00:18:33,561
But I'm hungry for chicken!
466
00:18:33,596 --> 00:18:36,163
Why did you make this for us?
467
00:18:36,199 --> 00:18:37,798
Because I was nervous.
468
00:18:37,834 --> 00:18:39,433
And every time I eat this,
469
00:18:39,469 --> 00:18:41,802
it makes me feel good
and safe and loved.
470
00:18:41,838 --> 00:18:43,270
Why?!
471
00:18:43,306 --> 00:18:46,140
Because my mom
makes it for me, okay?
472
00:18:47,310 --> 00:18:49,310
Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh.
Uh-oh.
473
00:18:49,345 --> 00:18:51,379
Y-you have a mom?
474
00:18:51,414 --> 00:18:53,414
Who fact-checked
this shit?
475
00:18:53,449 --> 00:18:55,649
B-but I-I went
to the orphanage.
476
00:18:55,685 --> 00:18:59,186
It don't add up, I tell ya!
It don't add up!
477
00:18:59,689 --> 00:19:01,122
And you...
478
00:19:01,157 --> 00:19:02,556
coming here,
479
00:19:02,592 --> 00:19:05,259
lying about
your parental status,
480
00:19:05,294 --> 00:19:06,627
promising chicken.
481
00:19:06,662 --> 00:19:08,496
Who do you think you are?
482
00:19:08,531 --> 00:19:10,264
He's my son!
483
00:19:13,302 --> 00:19:15,169
Mom?
You're here!
484
00:19:15,204 --> 00:19:17,471
Of course I am.
485
00:19:17,507 --> 00:19:21,175
I will always be here for you.
486
00:19:21,210 --> 00:19:24,345
I'm so sorry I said
those terrible words to you.
487
00:19:24,380 --> 00:19:28,282
Get this crybaby loser
and his loser mother
488
00:19:28,317 --> 00:19:29,517
off my show!
489
00:19:29,552 --> 00:19:32,186
I know where to put them!
490
00:19:33,723 --> 00:19:34,855
What -- it --
491
00:19:34,891 --> 00:19:36,357
but
492
00:19:36,392 --> 00:19:38,526
you were gonna drop us
in the pit?
493
00:19:38,561 --> 00:19:41,762
You know what,
Trish, the Sizzle?
494
00:19:41,798 --> 00:19:44,131
Fuck you!
495
00:19:45,301 --> 00:19:46,801
Sometimes it's okay to say it.
496
00:19:46,836 --> 00:19:47,802
Like now.
497
00:19:47,837 --> 00:19:49,537
Or when you're driving.
498
00:19:49,572 --> 00:19:53,240
Turn off the cameras
and lock the doors.
499
00:19:53,276 --> 00:19:55,843
No, Sues.
Please. Not again.
500
00:19:55,878 --> 00:19:57,244
Rage!
Rage!
501
00:19:57,280 --> 00:19:59,647
Ra-a-a-ge!
Ra-a-a-ge!
502
00:19:59,682 --> 00:20:01,482
Rage!
503
00:20:03,619 --> 00:20:05,553
Mom, what do we do?
504
00:20:07,256 --> 00:20:10,157
Follow the monkeys to freedom!
505
00:20:28,611 --> 00:20:31,212
I-I can't do it!
506
00:20:31,247 --> 00:20:33,147
I'm not strong enough!
507
00:20:33,182 --> 00:20:35,216
Don't worry.
Mama's got you.
508
00:20:36,586 --> 00:20:37,651
Aah!
509
00:20:40,623 --> 00:20:42,690
Although he refuses
to acknowledge anyone,
510
00:20:42,725 --> 00:20:45,426
the naked man in the supermarket
has been apprehended.
511
00:20:45,461 --> 00:20:46,694
Oh, my God!
512
00:20:46,729 --> 00:20:47,761
Aah!
513
00:20:47,797 --> 00:20:49,363
Oh. Hi, Francine,
Steve.
514
00:20:53,008 --> 00:20:54,056
Who's doing this to me?
515
00:20:54,176 --> 00:20:55,856
Who are you? Show yourself!
34671
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