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1
00:00:11,427 --> 00:00:12,923
Roller derby is amazing.
2
00:00:13,043 --> 00:00:16,104
I can't believe they were giving
tickets at the Organic Juice store.
3
00:00:16,224 --> 00:00:17,336
I didn't even have to buy juice.
4
00:00:17,456 --> 00:00:19,332
I did. They're good.
5
00:00:19,452 --> 00:00:23,658
One tastes just like apple juice except it's really
salty and has lots of scum on top?
6
00:00:26,146 --> 00:00:27,384
Did you see that trip?
7
00:00:27,504 --> 00:00:29,523
That's bullcrap. Somebody do something.
8
00:00:29,571 --> 00:00:31,323
Don't worry.
Here comes the cavalry.
9
00:00:34,252 --> 00:00:36,762
Whoa, that was awesome.
10
00:00:36,882 --> 00:00:38,767
These women are warriors.
11
00:00:38,887 --> 00:00:41,242
They live by the code
of the ancient Amazon.
12
00:00:41,362 --> 00:00:44,056
A sisterhood who have each other's backs.
13
00:00:44,252 --> 00:00:46,049
Wow, I wish I had that.
14
00:00:46,169 --> 00:00:48,930
You do!
Hello? Right here?
15
00:00:49,050 --> 00:00:51,760
You know I always got your back,
girlfriend.
16
00:00:51,880 --> 00:00:54,976
- Hey!
- Don't block the aisle, bitch!
17
00:00:56,101 --> 00:00:59,570
- Klaus!
- What? Did something just... Uh...
18
00:00:59,690 --> 00:01:02,151
I mean, I caught the
tail and the fat, but...
19
00:01:02,271 --> 00:01:05,839
I don't want to get involved in anything
if I didn't see the whole...
20
00:01:05,959 --> 00:01:08,418
the whole incident, because, you know...
21
00:01:08,538 --> 00:01:10,389
when I come, I come heavy.
22
00:01:10,671 --> 00:01:16,070
But it's just irresponsible
if I haven't seen the whole incident.
23
00:01:16,190 --> 00:01:19,539
You have any beefs going forward,
I got your back.
24
00:01:20,183 --> 00:01:21,854
Assuming I see the whole incident.
25
00:01:25,303 --> 00:01:28,085
# Good morning, U.S.A. #
26
00:01:28,211 --> 00:01:31,447
# I got a feelin' that
it's gonna be a wonderful day #
27
00:01:31,481 --> 00:01:34,616
# the sun in the sky
has a smile on his face #
28
00:01:34,651 --> 00:01:38,821
# and he's shinin' a salute
to the American race #
29
00:01:40,757 --> 00:01:44,360
# oh, boy, it's swell to say #
30
00:01:44,394 --> 00:01:46,662
# good -- #
# good morning, U.S.A. #
31
00:01:54,471 --> 00:01:55,904
Excuse me, miss.
32
00:01:55,939 --> 00:01:59,274
I-I got to say,
what you guys do is incredible.
33
00:01:59,309 --> 00:02:01,877
You're like
modern Amazon warriors.
34
00:02:01,911 --> 00:02:03,579
It's not "miss."
It's iris.
35
00:02:03,613 --> 00:02:05,781
I don't respond
to gender-specific titles.
36
00:02:05,815 --> 00:02:07,282
Love it.
37
00:02:07,317 --> 00:02:08,517
If you're into it,
you should try out.
38
00:02:08,551 --> 00:02:10,352
Really?!
I'd love to!
39
00:02:10,387 --> 00:02:12,321
Oh, but can I play
if I'm straight?
40
00:02:12,355 --> 00:02:14,456
Straight, huh?
Not getting that from you.
41
00:02:14,491 --> 00:02:17,426
But sexual orientation --
that's your own business.
42
00:02:17,460 --> 00:02:18,894
You're so open-minded.
43
00:02:22,332 --> 00:02:24,933
Hayley,
I'm sorry for earlier.
44
00:02:24,968 --> 00:02:27,469
I did see the whole incident.
45
00:02:27,504 --> 00:02:29,238
Geez, Klaus.
How much have you had to drink?
46
00:02:29,272 --> 00:02:30,606
One beer.
47
00:02:30,640 --> 00:02:33,776
So, let's go find that bitch
and kick her ass!
48
00:02:33,810 --> 00:02:35,978
Oh, God.
There she is.
49
00:02:46,695 --> 00:02:49,731
Stan, you said you'd
call the repairman to fix this.
50
00:02:49,765 --> 00:02:51,599
Sorry. I guess I got
a little busy...
51
00:02:51,634 --> 00:02:53,501
Going to work.
Remember?
52
00:02:53,535 --> 00:02:55,136
The only thing I remember
53
00:02:55,170 --> 00:02:57,105
is that you never
do what you promise.
54
00:02:57,139 --> 00:02:58,773
Stop it! Stop it!
Stop it!
55
00:02:58,807 --> 00:03:02,210
This was once
a house of love!
56
00:03:02,244 --> 00:03:03,845
You know how you guys always say
I don't have a thing?
57
00:03:03,879 --> 00:03:06,681
I've found my thing --
roller derby.
58
00:03:08,250 --> 00:03:10,418
So much female power.
59
00:03:10,452 --> 00:03:13,154
Chicks...crushin' each other,
60
00:03:13,188 --> 00:03:15,256
takin' back the night.
61
00:03:15,291 --> 00:03:16,524
That's why I'm trying out.
62
00:03:16,558 --> 00:03:18,426
I've never been part
of a team like that.
63
00:03:18,460 --> 00:03:21,562
They are
modern-day Amazons.
64
00:03:21,597 --> 00:03:24,532
Hey, stop saying "Amazons"
like you made it up.
65
00:03:24,566 --> 00:03:26,301
I was the one in the bathroom
66
00:03:26,335 --> 00:03:28,736
when the guy explained it
that way to his buddy.
67
00:03:28,771 --> 00:03:31,572
Me, not you! Me!
68
00:03:32,708 --> 00:03:34,542
Steve, you want to go
grab a beer?
69
00:03:34,576 --> 00:03:36,277
I'll put on coffee, Klaus.
70
00:03:38,814 --> 00:03:40,581
Stan, do something!
71
00:03:40,616 --> 00:03:43,584
I just walked in the door!
72
00:03:43,619 --> 00:03:45,753
Hmm.
"Fold here."
73
00:03:47,890 --> 00:03:51,826
Ooh! The dark arts!
74
00:03:51,860 --> 00:03:54,162
You're gonna try out
for roller derby?
75
00:03:54,196 --> 00:03:55,797
I'd love to see that.
76
00:03:55,831 --> 00:03:57,799
You don't even have
your own skates.
77
00:03:57,833 --> 00:04:00,635
Well, you can come watch
if you let me borrow a pair.
78
00:04:00,669 --> 00:04:02,637
In-line, roller,
or sequined roller?
79
00:04:02,671 --> 00:04:04,439
That's a trick question.
80
00:04:04,473 --> 00:04:05,740
They're all sequined.
81
00:04:14,249 --> 00:04:16,351
I'm gonna win!
I'm gonna win!
82
00:04:17,653 --> 00:04:19,287
Wha?
83
00:04:19,321 --> 00:04:22,623
Oh, honey, you were so close
to winning an iPod nano.
84
00:04:22,658 --> 00:04:25,326
Go tell your caregiver
you need more money.
85
00:04:25,361 --> 00:04:26,361
Roger!
86
00:04:26,395 --> 00:04:27,862
What?
If I let her win,
87
00:04:27,896 --> 00:04:30,264
everybody will know there's
no iPod nanos in those boxes,
88
00:04:30,299 --> 00:04:31,833
just dried
dog doo-doos.
89
00:04:31,867 --> 00:04:33,568
Well, they should be dry by now.
90
00:04:33,602 --> 00:04:34,936
What are you doing here?
91
00:04:34,970 --> 00:04:37,672
Oh, I'm the day manager.
Bit of a rink rat.
92
00:04:37,706 --> 00:04:39,207
Hey!
93
00:04:39,241 --> 00:04:41,442
Hey, Steve!
Your crossover's looking great!
94
00:04:41,477 --> 00:04:42,543
Thanks, man!
95
00:04:42,578 --> 00:04:43,878
Kid's always here.
96
00:04:43,912 --> 00:04:45,847
I imagine he has
a pretty tough time at home.
97
00:04:45,881 --> 00:04:48,316
Skates like he's trying
to outrun something.
98
00:04:52,621 --> 00:04:53,788
I gave you a $5.
99
00:04:53,822 --> 00:04:56,491
And I gave you four quarters.
100
00:05:03,832 --> 00:05:05,500
Aah!
101
00:05:05,534 --> 00:05:06,768
Hey, sis!
102
00:05:06,802 --> 00:05:08,469
Hope your friends
don't just eat shit
103
00:05:08,504 --> 00:05:11,305
because I'm about
to shoot the duck!
104
00:05:12,908 --> 00:05:14,275
Aah!
105
00:05:14,309 --> 00:05:15,643
I promise I'll get better.
106
00:05:15,677 --> 00:05:17,245
I'll practice night and day
107
00:05:17,279 --> 00:05:18,759
if you'll just let me
be part of this.
108
00:05:18,781 --> 00:05:20,681
Fine. You're in.
I am?!
109
00:05:20,716 --> 00:05:22,316
Shakin' the bacon!
110
00:05:22,351 --> 00:05:24,852
But only if you can get
your sister to play, too.
111
00:05:24,887 --> 00:05:26,854
She's a natural jammer.
My sister?
112
00:05:26,889 --> 00:05:30,291
Crisscross applesauce!
113
00:05:33,395 --> 00:05:35,029
Whoa.
114
00:05:37,299 --> 00:05:40,435
This is not
fixing the sink, Stan.
115
00:05:40,469 --> 00:05:41,702
You tore up the roof!
116
00:05:41,737 --> 00:05:44,305
I needed wood to fix the sink,
I thought!
117
00:05:44,339 --> 00:05:47,442
I swear, if our whole house
doesn't fall apart,
118
00:05:47,476 --> 00:05:49,877
i-it'll be a miracle!
119
00:05:49,912 --> 00:05:51,279
Maybe I can help.
120
00:05:51,313 --> 00:05:52,613
Who the hell are you?
121
00:05:52,648 --> 00:05:54,382
I'm a simple carpenter.
122
00:05:54,416 --> 00:05:55,583
Perfect.
You're hired.
123
00:05:55,617 --> 00:05:56,784
Start with the roof.
124
00:05:56,819 --> 00:05:58,419
Ah, the roof.
125
00:05:58,454 --> 00:06:00,421
The roof protects
the souls beneath
126
00:06:00,456 --> 00:06:01,956
from life's buffeting storm.
127
00:06:01,990 --> 00:06:03,491
Shh.
128
00:06:03,525 --> 00:06:06,661
I'm seeing this...
when I want to see this.
129
00:06:11,767 --> 00:06:13,634
Oh. My tools.
130
00:06:15,771 --> 00:06:17,605
Ugh.
131
00:06:19,074 --> 00:06:21,676
Come on.
I can only join if you play.
132
00:06:21,710 --> 00:06:23,611
They think I look like a girl?
133
00:06:23,645 --> 00:06:26,280
That's crazy.
134
00:06:26,315 --> 00:06:27,849
I know.
It's hard to believe.
135
00:06:27,883 --> 00:06:30,885
But you're an amazing skater,
and you'd get to show that off.
136
00:06:30,919 --> 00:06:32,420
Yeah...
137
00:06:32,454 --> 00:06:34,755
And you'd get to hang out
with all those girls.
138
00:06:34,790 --> 00:06:36,524
Right, sure.
139
00:06:36,558 --> 00:06:38,392
Hold their hands sometimes
140
00:06:38,427 --> 00:06:41,295
when they fling you forward
into other girls.
141
00:06:41,330 --> 00:06:43,531
Well, that is
how the game works.
142
00:06:43,565 --> 00:06:45,967
And sometimes there
are these big pileups
143
00:06:46,001 --> 00:06:48,402
where you can't tell
where one girl begins
144
00:06:48,437 --> 00:06:49,937
and another one ends.
145
00:06:49,972 --> 00:06:53,674
And in the middle
of that pileup...will be you.
146
00:06:53,709 --> 00:06:55,610
You've given me
a lot to consider.
147
00:06:57,112 --> 00:06:59,580
I'll do it.
I'll pretend I'm a girl.
148
00:06:59,615 --> 00:07:01,015
Also, it might not be a lie
149
00:07:01,049 --> 00:07:03,451
'cause that split
just destroyed my balls.
150
00:07:08,434 --> 00:07:11,136
All right, ladies, I want
a good, clean match tonight,
151
00:07:11,170 --> 00:07:13,839
straight derby -- no
hair-pullin', no clam-diggin'.
152
00:07:13,873 --> 00:07:15,974
Now, I got to go take care
of that rat problem.
153
00:07:20,179 --> 00:07:21,847
I-I can't believe
I'm asking this,
154
00:07:21,881 --> 00:07:24,082
but are you taped down there?
155
00:07:24,117 --> 00:07:26,952
Yep. The beast
is in the cage.
156
00:07:26,986 --> 00:07:28,420
Hey, Iris.
157
00:07:28,454 --> 00:07:31,022
Listen, rookie, on game nights,
we go by our nicknames.
158
00:07:31,057 --> 00:07:32,924
I'm "Luck of the Iris."
159
00:07:34,394 --> 00:07:36,428
"Stevie Wonderbra."
160
00:07:36,462 --> 00:07:38,764
I-I like it
'cause it's about tits.
161
00:07:40,867 --> 00:07:44,336
"@8?47qq#"?
162
00:07:44,370 --> 00:07:46,238
That's what we had left over.
163
00:07:46,272 --> 00:07:48,373
Well, I'm gonna pretend
you put thought into it.
164
00:07:48,408 --> 00:07:50,108
Aww.
165
00:07:50,143 --> 00:07:52,144
Hey, Wonderbra, a little help?
166
00:07:52,178 --> 00:07:54,713
I taped my leg,
but it's still real tight.
167
00:07:54,747 --> 00:07:55,881
Help me stretch it?
168
00:07:55,915 --> 00:07:57,282
Uh, o-okay.
169
00:07:59,118 --> 00:08:01,219
Come on, girl, lean into it!
170
00:08:01,254 --> 00:08:04,489
Oh, yeah.
Oh, that's the sweet spot!
171
00:08:07,160 --> 00:08:10,095
Do you have
any more of that tape?
172
00:08:10,129 --> 00:08:12,931
I need to, um...re-tape.
173
00:08:23,176 --> 00:08:25,243
Now, qq#!
174
00:08:31,884 --> 00:08:34,486
Victory party at my place!
175
00:08:39,459 --> 00:08:40,525
Good game!
176
00:08:40,560 --> 00:08:42,093
Oh, oh!
That's my tush!
177
00:08:42,128 --> 00:08:44,062
You're one of the best players
I've ever seen!
178
00:08:44,096 --> 00:08:45,130
I'm Devin.
179
00:08:45,164 --> 00:08:46,832
"Seven Minutes in Devin."
180
00:08:46,866 --> 00:08:49,201
Good luck lasting that long.
181
00:08:49,235 --> 00:08:51,503
You are adorbs.
182
00:08:52,972 --> 00:08:54,973
That's two
on the same cheek, Dev!
183
00:08:55,007 --> 00:08:56,341
I'm gonna have to explain
the hand mark
184
00:08:56,375 --> 00:08:57,976
to my mom at bath time.
185
00:08:58,010 --> 00:09:00,212
Uh...kiddin', yo!
186
00:09:00,246 --> 00:09:02,481
I shower now, solo --
187
00:09:02,515 --> 00:09:05,116
just me and the baby monitor.
188
00:09:09,222 --> 00:09:11,256
Here, Stevie, try the chicken.
189
00:09:11,290 --> 00:09:13,225
Val raised it,
humanely slaughtered it,
190
00:09:13,259 --> 00:09:15,060
and paired it
with an amazing spaetzle.
191
00:09:15,094 --> 00:09:17,128
Spaetzle --
Hitler's favorite side dish.
192
00:09:17,163 --> 00:09:18,830
That's a good fact.
I know a fact!
193
00:09:18,865 --> 00:09:20,932
This place is made
from salvaged train cars.
194
00:09:20,967 --> 00:09:23,201
God! Why did I say that?
I'm blowing it.
195
00:09:23,236 --> 00:09:25,036
What?
You're blowing it?
196
00:09:25,071 --> 00:09:26,805
I keep bringing it back
to Hitler.
197
00:09:26,839 --> 00:09:28,173
You're amazing.
198
00:09:30,409 --> 00:09:31,843
What are you doing?
199
00:09:31,878 --> 00:09:33,311
I'm crushing it.
200
00:09:33,346 --> 00:09:36,248
For some reason, as Stevie,
I can't make a wrong move.
201
00:09:36,282 --> 00:09:38,350
I've never felt this comfortable
talking to girls.
202
00:09:38,384 --> 00:09:40,418
I mean, Devin is all over me.
203
00:09:40,453 --> 00:09:42,053
Uh, are you a stupid?
204
00:09:42,088 --> 00:09:43,154
Excuse me?
205
00:09:43,189 --> 00:09:44,556
She's gonna find out
you're a guy,
206
00:09:44,590 --> 00:09:46,310
and you're gonna get us
kicked off the team.
207
00:09:46,325 --> 00:09:49,427
This is the first group of women
I've ever hung out with
208
00:09:49,462 --> 00:09:51,396
who are as open-minded
as I am.
209
00:09:52,865 --> 00:09:55,233
Fine.
Devin's off limits.
210
00:09:55,268 --> 00:09:56,601
You're damn right.
211
00:09:56,636 --> 00:09:59,170
Tomorrow, all of us gals
are gonna go pickling.
212
00:09:59,205 --> 00:10:02,173
That means maximum bonding.
213
00:10:04,210 --> 00:10:07,512
# We love fun #
214
00:10:07,547 --> 00:10:11,483
# we're going out
and having some #
215
00:10:11,517 --> 00:10:14,185
# we love fun #
216
00:10:14,220 --> 00:10:16,254
# you know we're gonna
have a ton #
217
00:10:18,057 --> 00:10:20,492
# put on your fun suit #
218
00:10:22,528 --> 00:10:24,229
# ...Page news #
219
00:10:25,531 --> 00:10:27,432
# Put on your party pants #
220
00:10:27,466 --> 00:10:31,970
# the time has come for us
to make a stance #
221
00:10:32,004 --> 00:10:34,139
# we love fun #
222
00:10:36,909 --> 00:10:38,543
Hey, can I talk to you
for a sec?
223
00:10:38,578 --> 00:10:40,478
Sure. What's up?
Whoa!
224
00:10:40,513 --> 00:10:41,947
Right?
225
00:10:41,981 --> 00:10:44,249
It's everybody's name
in Chinese characters.
226
00:10:44,283 --> 00:10:45,650
The whole team?
227
00:10:45,685 --> 00:10:48,253
Yeah.
I'm super into this.
228
00:10:48,287 --> 00:10:50,388
I haven't had
this many female friends
229
00:10:50,423 --> 00:10:52,357
since that bunch
of popular girls in high school
230
00:10:52,391 --> 00:10:53,992
tried to trick me
into killing myself.
231
00:10:54,026 --> 00:10:55,260
Well, I'm just so happy
232
00:10:55,294 --> 00:10:57,095
that you and your sister
joined the team.
233
00:10:57,129 --> 00:10:59,264
This is the longest relationship
I've ever had.
234
00:10:59,298 --> 00:11:00,899
Excuse me?
235
00:11:00,933 --> 00:11:03,535
Stevie and I -- things have been
going pretty well.
236
00:11:03,569 --> 00:11:05,089
We've already talked about
237
00:11:05,104 --> 00:11:06,938
opening a butcher shop
in Park Slope.
238
00:11:06,973 --> 00:11:08,473
What?!
239
00:11:08,507 --> 00:11:10,408
Well, there would also
be sandwiches, fresh ciabatta.
240
00:11:10,443 --> 00:11:11,610
Will you excuse me?
241
00:11:11,644 --> 00:11:13,044
What were you thinking?!
242
00:11:13,079 --> 00:11:14,913
Hayley, it's not what you think.
243
00:11:14,947 --> 00:11:17,415
There'll also be sandwiches,
fresh ciabatta.
244
00:11:17,450 --> 00:11:18,950
Look, you can't do this
to Devin.
245
00:11:18,985 --> 00:11:20,986
You have to tell her the truth,
or I will.
246
00:11:21,020 --> 00:11:23,388
I'm not gonna say anything
to her, and neither will you.
247
00:11:23,422 --> 00:11:25,590
If I go down,
you go down with me.
248
00:11:25,625 --> 00:11:27,225
Then all that ink
on your arm --
249
00:11:27,259 --> 00:11:29,494
it'll just be a bunch
of nonsense no one can read,
250
00:11:29,528 --> 00:11:32,263
unless you move to China,
but who are we kidding?
251
00:11:32,298 --> 00:11:36,001
You're not moving to China.
You don't have the guts.
252
00:11:39,372 --> 00:11:42,007
I'm just saying,
as long as we've got him here,
253
00:11:42,041 --> 00:11:43,408
have him put in a garden.
254
00:11:43,442 --> 00:11:47,479
That which we plant together,
we reap together.
255
00:11:50,383 --> 00:11:53,051
Never in all my years
of hiring help
256
00:11:53,085 --> 00:11:54,419
has one tried to touch me.
257
00:11:54,453 --> 00:11:57,022
Mister bird-poo roof-hands
over here.
258
00:11:57,056 --> 00:11:58,423
Forget my hands!
259
00:11:58,457 --> 00:12:01,493
Look, just...
look behind you.
260
00:12:01,527 --> 00:12:03,962
Where are the carnations?
261
00:12:03,996 --> 00:12:06,331
Carnations are so...
262
00:12:06,365 --> 00:12:09,067
I see zinnias.
I see jonquils.
263
00:12:09,101 --> 00:12:10,402
Look, I'm gonna assume
264
00:12:10,436 --> 00:12:12,003
you don't get a ton of play
with the ladies,
265
00:12:12,038 --> 00:12:14,973
but carnations are every woman's
favorite flower.
266
00:12:15,007 --> 00:12:16,408
I'm 1,000% sure
267
00:12:16,442 --> 00:12:18,643
carnations aren't anyone's
favorite flower.
268
00:12:18,678 --> 00:12:21,479
Tulips?! Where did you
find this asshole?!
269
00:12:21,514 --> 00:12:22,681
Get me carnations!
270
00:12:22,715 --> 00:12:25,150
Come on, honey.
271
00:12:25,184 --> 00:12:26,985
Noooo!!
272
00:12:27,019 --> 00:12:29,754
I hate this garden!!
273
00:12:37,196 --> 00:12:38,263
Carnations.
274
00:12:38,297 --> 00:12:41,032
So ugly!!
275
00:12:45,171 --> 00:12:48,473
Oh, God, save
the nude photos of Merv Griffin!
276
00:12:48,507 --> 00:12:51,242
Okay, ladies,
tomorrow's the championship,
277
00:12:51,277 --> 00:12:53,545
and together,
we're gonna win the whole thing.
278
00:12:53,579 --> 00:12:54,646
Now bring it in!
279
00:12:55,648 --> 00:12:57,015
Hayley, bring it in.
280
00:12:57,049 --> 00:12:58,383
I can't bring it in, coach.
281
00:12:58,417 --> 00:13:00,351
Whoa.
You got to bring it in.
282
00:13:00,386 --> 00:13:02,066
Sorry, but it can't be brought,
283
00:13:02,186 --> 00:13:04,522
not when somebody
on this team is lying...
284
00:13:04,557 --> 00:13:06,658
because one of those hands...
285
00:13:06,692 --> 00:13:08,727
is attached to a body...
286
00:13:08,761 --> 00:13:11,196
that's attached to a penis!
287
00:13:12,331 --> 00:13:14,432
Stevie is a Steve.
288
00:13:14,467 --> 00:13:16,067
I-I can't believe this.
289
00:13:16,102 --> 00:13:18,136
Whoa, ladies,
I-I-I can explain.
290
00:13:18,170 --> 00:13:19,704
Not you, her.
291
00:13:19,739 --> 00:13:22,240
Me?!
But he's a boy!
292
00:13:22,274 --> 00:13:23,775
We know.
You do?
293
00:13:23,809 --> 00:13:26,311
D-did you know?
Of course I did.
294
00:13:26,345 --> 00:13:28,346
You've had a boner
for like two weeks.
295
00:13:28,380 --> 00:13:30,782
But having a penis
doesn't make him a boy.
296
00:13:30,816 --> 00:13:32,650
It doesn't?
Are you positive?
297
00:13:32,685 --> 00:13:36,054
Obviously, Stevie is a girl
trapped in a boy's body.
298
00:13:36,088 --> 00:13:38,590
Uh, I'm not sure it's --
it's obvious.
299
00:13:38,624 --> 00:13:40,558
Sure. You're
a boy on the outside,
300
00:13:40,593 --> 00:13:42,794
but on the inside,
you're all girl.
301
00:13:42,828 --> 00:13:44,596
But th-th-that
can't be.
302
00:13:44,630 --> 00:13:46,397
I-I like girls.
303
00:13:46,432 --> 00:13:47,665
We all like girls, Stevie.
304
00:13:47,700 --> 00:13:51,202
So, I'm a lesbian
inside a boy's body?
305
00:13:51,237 --> 00:13:52,537
That's crazy.
306
00:13:52,571 --> 00:13:54,205
Did you like pickling with us?
307
00:13:54,240 --> 00:13:55,607
More than anything.
308
00:13:55,641 --> 00:13:57,642
Did you have fun
at the Doc Martens store?
309
00:13:57,676 --> 00:13:59,410
They had
a cut-in-half shoe!
310
00:13:59,445 --> 00:14:01,246
Y-you could see
its workings!
311
00:14:01,280 --> 00:14:03,314
And haven't you felt
more confident around women
312
00:14:03,349 --> 00:14:04,649
than you ever have before
313
00:14:04,683 --> 00:14:06,718
and, like,
comfortable in your own skin?
314
00:14:06,752 --> 00:14:09,287
Oh, my God.
315
00:14:09,321 --> 00:14:11,289
I need time to process this.
316
00:14:13,292 --> 00:14:14,793
Wow.
317
00:14:14,827 --> 00:14:16,694
I thought we were both
gonna get kicked off the team.
318
00:14:16,729 --> 00:14:18,096
Nope.
319
00:14:18,130 --> 00:14:19,264
Just you.
320
00:14:19,298 --> 00:14:20,732
What?! Why?!
321
00:14:20,766 --> 00:14:22,100
You just pulled
someone's pants down
322
00:14:22,134 --> 00:14:23,401
to expose their genitals!
323
00:14:23,435 --> 00:14:25,436
We live in
a post-genital society, Hayley!
324
00:14:25,471 --> 00:14:26,671
I agree!
325
00:14:26,705 --> 00:14:28,139
I mean, I-I've
never heard that phrase,
326
00:14:28,174 --> 00:14:29,374
but I'm one of you!
327
00:14:29,408 --> 00:14:30,642
No, you're not.
328
00:14:32,745 --> 00:14:35,146
I thought you guys
were my friends!
329
00:14:37,183 --> 00:14:39,818
Get! Get! Get!
I said get!
330
00:14:39,852 --> 00:14:42,387
I'm going, okay?
331
00:14:42,421 --> 00:14:43,588
Hyah!
332
00:14:49,064 --> 00:14:50,131
Steve wait up!
333
00:14:50,165 --> 00:14:51,566
Ohh!
334
00:14:51,600 --> 00:14:54,068
Ugh! Can we talk about
what happened in there?
335
00:14:54,103 --> 00:14:56,671
Yes. Please.
My head is spinning.
336
00:14:56,705 --> 00:14:58,539
I know.
I'm -- I'm in shock.
337
00:14:58,574 --> 00:15:00,575
Am I really
closed-minded?
338
00:15:00,609 --> 00:15:02,443
What? Who cares?!
339
00:15:02,478 --> 00:15:04,479
I'm a girl in a boy's body!
340
00:15:08,650 --> 00:15:13,488
# I thought
I was open-minded #
341
00:15:13,522 --> 00:15:16,657
# acceptance was my creed
342
00:15:16,692 --> 00:15:20,094
# but now I finded
343
00:15:20,129 --> 00:15:23,364
# I've been a fool, indeed #
344
00:15:23,398 --> 00:15:26,234
# I thought I was a boy
345
00:15:26,268 --> 00:15:29,771
# I forgot that inside
we're identical #
346
00:15:29,805 --> 00:15:33,741
# even if we have
different genitals #
347
00:15:35,511 --> 00:15:40,248
# I thought
I was open-minded #
348
00:15:40,282 --> 00:15:43,317
# acceptance was my creed
349
00:15:43,352 --> 00:15:46,521
# but I've been blinded
350
00:15:46,555 --> 00:15:50,057
# better watch
my downhill speed #
351
00:15:50,092 --> 00:15:52,493
# I thought I was a boy
352
00:15:52,528 --> 00:15:56,464
# I'm having a crisis
353
00:15:56,498 --> 00:16:00,201
# 'bout what's between
my thighses #
354
00:16:00,235 --> 00:16:02,770
# I have to understand me
355
00:16:02,805 --> 00:16:06,340
# so I can know
to sit or stand #
356
00:16:06,375 --> 00:16:09,243
# when I pee-e-e-e
357
00:16:09,278 --> 00:16:10,511
# I'm Devin
358
00:16:10,546 --> 00:16:13,447
# who am I
between my legs? #
359
00:16:13,482 --> 00:16:14,749
# My sack's filled with sperm #
360
00:16:14,783 --> 00:16:16,584
# but is my heart filled
with eggs? #
361
00:16:16,618 --> 00:16:19,620
# I never knew
what I didn't know #
362
00:16:19,655 --> 00:16:24,392
# is that his bulge down there,
or is it camel to-o-o-e? #
363
00:16:24,426 --> 00:16:27,261
# I thought I was
a bo-o-o-o-o-o-y #
364
00:16:27,296 --> 00:16:31,199
# I thought I was
open-minde-e-e-e-e-d #
365
00:16:31,233 --> 00:16:37,271
# and I'm Devi-i-i-i-n
366
00:16:41,743 --> 00:16:43,277
It's beautiful.
367
00:16:43,312 --> 00:16:45,446
The whole house is beautiful.
368
00:16:45,480 --> 00:16:47,415
Everything's perfect.
369
00:16:47,449 --> 00:16:48,850
I love you, Stan.
370
00:16:48,884 --> 00:16:51,385
I love you, too.
How did this happen?
371
00:16:51,420 --> 00:16:54,589
A little help from a friend.
372
00:16:54,623 --> 00:16:56,424
I also mended your fence.
373
00:16:56,458 --> 00:16:58,459
What?!
What have you done?!
374
00:16:58,493 --> 00:16:59,861
It was broken.
375
00:16:59,895 --> 00:17:02,363
Yeah. Steve broke it
with his face when he was three.
376
00:17:02,397 --> 00:17:04,098
It was hilarious.
377
00:17:04,132 --> 00:17:07,201
Seeing that broken board
always brought joy to my heart.
378
00:17:07,236 --> 00:17:08,870
You stole my husband's joy.
379
00:17:08,904 --> 00:17:10,371
Hilarious?
380
00:17:10,405 --> 00:17:12,807
Steve was running
from a rabid dog.
381
00:17:12,841 --> 00:17:16,477
He called for you,
but you were both hammered.
382
00:17:16,511 --> 00:17:19,380
Oh, we got a real
Steve historian over here.
383
00:17:19,414 --> 00:17:20,581
How does he know that?
384
00:17:20,616 --> 00:17:22,383
He must be some kind of pervert.
385
00:17:22,417 --> 00:17:23,751
You're fired, pervert!
386
00:17:23,785 --> 00:17:26,721
Forgive them.
They know not what they do.
387
00:17:26,755 --> 00:17:29,323
Oh, we know what we're gonna do.
388
00:17:29,358 --> 00:17:33,494
We're gonna crucify you
on Angie's list.
389
00:17:34,930 --> 00:17:39,400
# I can take it
390
00:17:39,434 --> 00:17:40,902
Steve.
391
00:17:40,936 --> 00:17:43,304
Hayley, I --
392
00:17:43,338 --> 00:17:45,873
Steve,
I-I have to apologize.
393
00:17:45,908 --> 00:17:47,441
After some soul-searching
394
00:17:47,476 --> 00:17:49,844
and a-a pretty painful fall
down a handicap ramp,
395
00:17:49,878 --> 00:17:53,781
I realized that whoever
you really are, I support you.
396
00:17:53,815 --> 00:17:56,284
Is somebody sexually confused?
397
00:17:56,318 --> 00:17:57,685
I was above you.
398
00:17:57,719 --> 00:18:00,187
I was above you the whole time.
399
00:18:01,657 --> 00:18:04,425
Okay, Steve, if you're looking
for gender clarification,
400
00:18:04,459 --> 00:18:05,939
there's a number of things
we can try.
401
00:18:05,961 --> 00:18:07,828
First we raise some cash to
get that dick off you.
402
00:18:07,863 --> 00:18:09,664
Whoa! Comin' in hot!
403
00:18:09,698 --> 00:18:12,466
Look, I'm just saying, let's
raise the money so we have it.
404
00:18:12,501 --> 00:18:14,568
Worst case --
we use it for a big Costco run.
405
00:18:14,603 --> 00:18:16,938
Now, you want to know
if you're a girl on the inside,
406
00:18:16,972 --> 00:18:19,507
so let's see how you feel
being a girl on the outside.
407
00:18:20,776 --> 00:18:22,877
What are you, a size 1?
I hate you.
408
00:18:22,911 --> 00:18:24,845
I-I'm not --
I'm not feeling it.
409
00:18:24,880 --> 00:18:26,914
It's like the dress
is wearing me.
410
00:18:26,949 --> 00:18:28,683
Pair it with some kitten heels.
411
00:18:30,953 --> 00:18:34,255
Well, I can't argue
with the lines this creates.
412
00:18:34,289 --> 00:18:36,357
It's dick-off time!
413
00:18:36,391 --> 00:18:37,892
What?! No!
414
00:18:37,926 --> 00:18:39,694
I-it's just
a nice dress!
415
00:18:39,728 --> 00:18:41,595
Still confused, huh?
416
00:18:41,630 --> 00:18:44,732
The bath is a woman's secret sanctuary,
417
00:18:44,766 --> 00:18:48,436
a time for her to have
a conversation with herself.
418
00:18:48,470 --> 00:18:50,838
Ahh, she time.
419
00:18:59,381 --> 00:19:00,848
You just left me down there!
420
00:19:02,384 --> 00:19:03,584
Now it's your turn, Steve.
421
00:19:03,618 --> 00:19:05,553
You're gonna lie back
in the water,
422
00:19:05,587 --> 00:19:08,656
feel it wash over your body,
and ask yourself,
423
00:19:08,690 --> 00:19:11,692
"Is this the skin
I'm comfortable in?"
424
00:19:13,729 --> 00:19:16,664
Are -- are we, um...
gonna give him some privacy?
425
00:19:16,698 --> 00:19:18,899
I feel like I bought the ticket,
I want to see the show.
426
00:19:20,635 --> 00:19:22,470
I'm so nervous.
427
00:19:22,504 --> 00:19:24,271
Don't know if we're gonna have
a boy or a girl.
428
00:19:24,306 --> 00:19:26,307
Either way, we're gonna love it.
429
00:19:26,341 --> 00:19:28,376
Yeeeeah.
430
00:19:28,410 --> 00:19:30,311
I know what I am!
431
00:19:30,345 --> 00:19:31,779
I'm a boy!
432
00:19:31,813 --> 00:19:33,681
Are you sure?
Positive.
433
00:19:33,715 --> 00:19:35,850
I was lying in the bath,
thinking about stuff,
434
00:19:35,884 --> 00:19:38,719
and then I saw the sexy lady
on this shampoo bottle,
435
00:19:38,754 --> 00:19:41,889
and I realized it felt right
to have this penis.
436
00:19:41,923 --> 00:19:44,458
It felt right five times.
437
00:19:44,493 --> 00:19:45,733
You gonna break it to the team?
438
00:19:45,761 --> 00:19:47,294
Guess I have to.
439
00:19:47,329 --> 00:19:49,263
It's gonna be tough
right before the big game.
440
00:19:49,297 --> 00:19:50,765
Better go take the edge off.
441
00:19:50,799 --> 00:19:52,967
After you, milady.
442
00:20:02,511 --> 00:20:06,714
Gals, I got to say, my time with
you has been amazing.
443
00:20:06,748 --> 00:20:10,518
But I can tell you
I'm not a girl in a boy's body.
444
00:20:10,552 --> 00:20:12,853
I'm a boy in a boy's body.
445
00:20:12,888 --> 00:20:15,356
So...you're not
a lesbian?
446
00:20:15,390 --> 00:20:17,958
Don't judge him!
You should be proud of him!
447
00:20:17,993 --> 00:20:20,628
It's not every day
that someone realizes
448
00:20:20,662 --> 00:20:22,663
that they were the person
they always were,
449
00:20:22,697 --> 00:20:24,398
and that takes courage.
450
00:20:24,433 --> 00:20:26,513
And, you know, maybe
you don't want him on your team,
451
00:20:26,535 --> 00:20:28,469
but I'll always want him
on mine.
452
00:20:28,503 --> 00:20:31,372
Shame!
Shame on all ya houses!
453
00:20:31,406 --> 00:20:33,074
I was just gonna say
that I'm happy for him.
454
00:20:33,108 --> 00:20:34,308
Damn it.
455
00:20:34,342 --> 00:20:35,743
You're so brave, Steve,
456
00:20:35,777 --> 00:20:37,011
and you, too, Hayley,
457
00:20:37,045 --> 00:20:38,546
for standing beside him
through all of this.
458
00:20:38,580 --> 00:20:40,414
Steve, remember --
with us,
459
00:20:40,449 --> 00:20:42,683
you never have to pretend
you're someone you're not.
460
00:20:42,717 --> 00:20:44,819
Now, strap on your skates
and pretend to be a girl.
461
00:20:44,853 --> 00:20:46,053
Really?
462
00:20:46,088 --> 00:20:47,955
What do you say,
Stevie Wonderbra?
463
00:20:47,989 --> 00:20:49,924
Tape it down one last time?
464
00:20:49,958 --> 00:20:51,559
Can I get a little help?
465
00:20:51,593 --> 00:20:53,527
You're gonna get a lot of help.
466
00:20:58,867 --> 00:21:01,753
Aaaaah!!
33218
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