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1
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Man lives in the sunlit world
2
00:00:23,524 --> 00:00:27,926
of what he believes
to be reality.
3
00:00:29,497 --> 00:00:32,898
But... there is,
4
00:00:32,933 --> 00:00:37,436
unseen by most, an underworld.
5
00:00:37,471 --> 00:00:41,106
A place that is just as real
6
00:00:41,142 --> 00:00:45,210
but not as brightly lit.
7
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A dark side.
8
00:01:10,371 --> 00:01:12,203
Say... say, Ollie...
9
00:01:15,609 --> 00:01:18,142
what does this remind you of?
10
00:01:20,013 --> 00:01:22,581
Oliver Hardy.
11
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I haven't the faintest idea.
12
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What on earth could that
possibly remind me of?
13
00:01:40,700 --> 00:01:42,801
Reminds me of Thursday.
14
00:01:46,673 --> 00:01:49,341
How could that remind
you of Thursday?
15
00:01:50,444 --> 00:01:52,204
It's simple.
16
00:01:53,447 --> 00:01:56,247
There's Monday,
Tuesday, Wednesday...
17
00:01:56,283 --> 00:01:57,849
Thursday.
18
00:02:10,998 --> 00:02:12,497
Gee...
19
00:02:12,533 --> 00:02:14,933
you... you know,
when I was a kid,
20
00:02:14,968 --> 00:02:17,168
I used to practice the violin
21
00:02:17,203 --> 00:02:20,272
while the other kids
practiced playing football.
22
00:02:20,307 --> 00:02:23,375
But it really paid
off, because today,
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I can kick a violin
further than anybody.
24
00:02:28,682 --> 00:02:32,384
Hey, uh, pay no attention to
the man behind the curtain.
25
00:02:32,419 --> 00:02:33,785
Yes.
26
00:02:33,820 --> 00:02:37,122
I'm not a bad man; I'm
just a very bad wizard.
27
00:02:37,158 --> 00:02:38,490
Uh...
28
00:02:38,526 --> 00:02:40,925
Tin Man, hey, uh,
you want a heart?
29
00:02:40,961 --> 00:02:43,995
You don't know how lucky
you are not to have one.
30
00:02:44,031 --> 00:02:46,331
Hearts will never
become practical
31
00:02:46,367 --> 00:02:49,434
until they're made unbreakable.
32
00:02:50,537 --> 00:02:53,571
Yes, and remember, Tin Man,
33
00:02:53,607 --> 00:02:55,685
it isn't how much, uh...
34
00:02:55,709 --> 00:02:59,545
you love, but how much
you are loved by others.
35
00:02:59,580 --> 00:03:02,447
And I certainly love you,
each and every one of you.
36
00:03:02,483 --> 00:03:04,015
Thank you, ladies and gentlemen.
37
00:03:04,051 --> 00:03:05,651
Good night.
38
00:03:14,394 --> 00:03:17,229
Just don't tell me
how to work my act.
39
00:03:17,264 --> 00:03:19,164
I got to say what I got to say.
40
00:03:19,199 --> 00:03:20,698
When I see boring, I say it.
41
00:03:20,734 --> 00:03:22,134
The act's boring.
42
00:03:24,538 --> 00:03:25,737
Boring?
43
00:03:25,773 --> 00:03:28,273
Between the TV, the
record and the Vegas dates,
44
00:03:28,309 --> 00:03:30,842
I've earned more with
that act than you could pull
45
00:03:30,877 --> 00:03:32,611
out of this toilet in ten years.
46
00:03:32,646 --> 00:03:34,812
That's how old the
act is: ten years.
47
00:03:34,848 --> 00:03:36,748
It's the same routine.
48
00:03:36,783 --> 00:03:38,483
Do you know why?
49
00:03:38,519 --> 00:03:39,851
Perfection.
50
00:03:39,886 --> 00:03:41,186
That's what that act is.
51
00:03:41,221 --> 00:03:43,121
Absolute perfection.
52
00:03:43,157 --> 00:03:44,990
Every vocal nuance.
53
00:03:45,025 --> 00:03:47,258
Every move, every gesture.
54
00:03:47,294 --> 00:03:48,927
Hey, that's why this audience
55
00:03:48,962 --> 00:03:52,330
keeps coming back to
see me time and time again.
56
00:03:52,365 --> 00:03:54,465
They recognize that.
57
00:03:54,501 --> 00:03:56,367
They appreciate me.
58
00:03:56,403 --> 00:03:58,036
Spiffy,
59
00:03:58,071 --> 00:03:59,370
you're the best in the business.
60
00:03:59,406 --> 00:04:00,572
That's not the point.
61
00:04:00,607 --> 00:04:02,841
The people want to
see you do new stuff.
62
00:04:03,977 --> 00:04:06,577
Just don't tell me
how to work my act.
63
00:04:06,613 --> 00:04:07,779
Tell me something.
64
00:04:07,814 --> 00:04:09,692
You enjoy reading
yesterday's newspaper?
65
00:04:09,716 --> 00:04:10,826
You think they do?
66
00:04:10,850 --> 00:04:11,850
Okay.
67
00:04:12,919 --> 00:04:15,186
I was a little off tonight.
68
00:04:15,221 --> 00:04:16,688
But you know why?
69
00:04:16,723 --> 00:04:19,290
Did you notice that
guy in the aloha shirt,
70
00:04:19,325 --> 00:04:21,727
the guy trying to blend
in with the tourists?
71
00:04:22,863 --> 00:04:24,663
He had eyes like ice cubes.
72
00:04:24,698 --> 00:04:26,531
Telling you, he
made my thumbs itch.
73
00:04:26,567 --> 00:04:28,511
What are you talking about?
74
00:04:28,535 --> 00:04:31,403
When I get nervous,
my... my thumbs itch.
75
00:04:31,438 --> 00:04:34,138
Just freshen up the act, okay?
76
00:04:34,174 --> 00:04:35,439
Okay, tell you what.
77
00:04:35,475 --> 00:04:37,842
I will if you freshen
up the salary.
78
00:04:37,878 --> 00:04:38,955
You know, you're right.
79
00:04:38,979 --> 00:04:41,613
That guy was no
tourist, that's for sure.
80
00:04:42,716 --> 00:04:44,750
Hey, Pudgy.
81
00:04:44,785 --> 00:04:46,985
Hey, you know I'm worth it.
82
00:04:47,021 --> 00:04:48,420
The money isn't there, Spiffy.
83
00:04:48,455 --> 00:04:50,122
What can I do?
84
00:04:50,157 --> 00:04:51,689
I'll tell you what you can do.
85
00:04:51,725 --> 00:04:53,636
You can take this
club... you can take
86
00:04:53,660 --> 00:04:55,360
this club of yours and...
87
00:04:57,031 --> 00:04:58,341
What do you want?
88
00:04:58,365 --> 00:04:59,475
No one's allowed back here.
89
00:04:59,499 --> 00:05:02,934
Mr. Remo... Uncle wants you.
90
00:05:07,641 --> 00:05:08,706
What for?
91
00:05:08,742 --> 00:05:10,075
Uh...
92
00:05:10,110 --> 00:05:12,522
aren't I a little too old
to be digging foxholes?
93
00:05:12,546 --> 00:05:14,446
We have something
special in mind for you.
94
00:05:14,481 --> 00:05:15,914
Top secret.
95
00:05:15,949 --> 00:05:18,294
I'm sorry, I, uh,
don't do Reagan.
96
00:05:18,318 --> 00:05:21,386
Are you coming, Mr. Remo?
97
00:05:21,421 --> 00:05:23,088
Where?
98
00:05:24,924 --> 00:05:26,136
You'll like it.
99
00:05:26,160 --> 00:05:27,303
Quiet.
100
00:05:27,327 --> 00:05:29,005
Plenty of time to unwind.
101
00:05:30,030 --> 00:05:31,696
What do you think
this is, the movies?
102
00:05:31,732 --> 00:05:33,464
Next thing you know,
103
00:05:33,499 --> 00:05:36,234
you'll be telling me
you want to blindfold me.
104
00:05:36,269 --> 00:05:38,737
Or put me in the
trunk of your car.
105
00:05:38,772 --> 00:05:40,404
Not the trunk.
106
00:05:40,440 --> 00:05:43,875
The backseat lying down.
107
00:05:43,910 --> 00:05:46,044
Well, better there
than in Philadelphia.
108
00:05:46,080 --> 00:05:47,679
W.C. Fields.
109
00:05:47,714 --> 00:05:50,048
It was his epitaph
on his tombstone.
110
00:05:50,084 --> 00:05:51,694
You'll be paid, Mr. Remo.
111
00:05:51,718 --> 00:05:53,017
Oh, yeah? How much?
112
00:05:53,053 --> 00:05:54,597
We'll take good care of you.
113
00:05:54,621 --> 00:05:56,499
You have to leave right now,
114
00:05:56,523 --> 00:05:58,334
and you don't say
good-bye to anybody.
115
00:05:58,358 --> 00:06:01,860
I suppose, uh, I
don't have a choice?
116
00:06:01,895 --> 00:06:03,695
Not really.
117
00:06:06,132 --> 00:06:08,600
Your blindfold or mine?
118
00:06:10,837 --> 00:06:12,771
Mine.
119
00:06:23,616 --> 00:06:25,316
What's that?
120
00:06:25,351 --> 00:06:27,385
This way.
121
00:06:35,028 --> 00:06:38,029
Mr. Remo, I'm Dr. Coe.
122
00:06:38,064 --> 00:06:40,298
You're aware the document
you signed commits you
123
00:06:40,334 --> 00:06:41,732
to, uh, secrecy?
124
00:06:41,769 --> 00:06:43,034
Oh, yeah.
125
00:06:43,070 --> 00:06:44,402
That's very good.
126
00:06:44,438 --> 00:06:46,671
Thank you for coming. We
desperately need you here.
127
00:06:46,706 --> 00:06:49,040
Oh, yeah? What is
this, a lab for jokes?
128
00:06:49,075 --> 00:06:50,375
My, uh, rabbit died?
129
00:06:55,315 --> 00:06:56,815
Please, sit here.
130
00:07:03,657 --> 00:07:06,124
Well, what I'm going to tell you
131
00:07:06,160 --> 00:07:08,360
shouldn't come to that
much of a surprise really,
132
00:07:08,395 --> 00:07:10,395
considering how
much we know today.
133
00:07:10,430 --> 00:07:13,198
But two months ago,
a spaceship landed.
134
00:07:13,233 --> 00:07:16,767
After days of decoding
signals and messages,
135
00:07:16,804 --> 00:07:19,249
we finally made communication.
136
00:07:20,407 --> 00:07:21,639
And he came out.
137
00:07:21,675 --> 00:07:25,176
Now, in deciphering
certain signals from him,
138
00:07:25,211 --> 00:07:27,712
we learned he possesses
certain scientific knowledge
139
00:07:27,747 --> 00:07:30,126
far superior than our own.
140
00:07:30,150 --> 00:07:32,250
We call him Hoffgosh.
141
00:07:32,285 --> 00:07:33,451
Hoffgosh?
142
00:07:33,486 --> 00:07:34,664
However,
143
00:07:34,688 --> 00:07:36,188
for all of his superiority,
144
00:07:36,223 --> 00:07:38,657
he's still very childlike
in his behavior.
145
00:07:38,692 --> 00:07:41,560
We learned that by
imitating his gestures,
146
00:07:41,595 --> 00:07:45,063
he felt most comfortable, and
would allow us to converse.
147
00:07:45,098 --> 00:07:47,232
Now, the headset
148
00:07:47,267 --> 00:07:51,068
here is attached to a
linguistics computer.
149
00:07:51,104 --> 00:07:56,140
Now, these sounds have been
encoded on this compact disc.
150
00:08:00,881 --> 00:08:03,181
No. Wrong.
151
00:08:03,217 --> 00:08:04,683
That's very observant.
152
00:08:15,829 --> 00:08:17,796
As you can see,
153
00:08:17,831 --> 00:08:19,809
Hoffgosh has become
154
00:08:19,833 --> 00:08:22,601
frustrated, moody and
very uncooperative with me.
155
00:08:22,636 --> 00:08:24,668
And that's why we called you,
156
00:08:24,705 --> 00:08:25,982
Mr. Remo.
157
00:08:26,006 --> 00:08:27,483
We've seen your tapes.
158
00:08:27,507 --> 00:08:29,252
Your impersonations
are-are perfect.
159
00:08:29,276 --> 00:08:30,475
Almost uncanny.
160
00:08:30,510 --> 00:08:31,887
Every nuance, detail.
161
00:08:31,911 --> 00:08:33,122
We feel that through
162
00:08:33,146 --> 00:08:36,680
your talent, you can
make him communicate.
163
00:08:36,717 --> 00:08:39,818
Wait a minute.
164
00:08:39,853 --> 00:08:42,020
Are you trying to tell me
165
00:08:42,055 --> 00:08:46,458
you want me to
tangle with that thing?
166
00:08:46,493 --> 00:08:48,359
Mr. Remo, you'll be protected.
167
00:08:48,395 --> 00:08:49,660
Just like you were protected?
168
00:08:49,696 --> 00:08:50,974
Oh, no, no, no.
169
00:08:50,998 --> 00:08:53,342
Despite what, uh,
you-you see here,
170
00:08:53,366 --> 00:08:55,467
no, Hoffgosh is
basically friendly to us.
171
00:08:55,502 --> 00:08:58,202
Friends like that...
Who needs the mafia?
172
00:08:58,238 --> 00:09:00,205
Mr. Remo,
173
00:09:00,240 --> 00:09:02,707
have you ever heard
of fusion power?
174
00:09:02,743 --> 00:09:03,875
What's that?
175
00:09:03,911 --> 00:09:05,377
It's a form of nuclear energy
176
00:09:05,412 --> 00:09:06,945
that's still a mystery to us.
177
00:09:06,980 --> 00:09:09,314
Nobody has ever figured
how to make it work.
178
00:09:09,349 --> 00:09:11,093
His ship runs on it.
179
00:09:11,117 --> 00:09:14,552
And now Hoffgosh can
just hand us the answers.
180
00:09:14,587 --> 00:09:17,322
Well, I got an answer, too.
181
00:09:17,357 --> 00:09:19,524
No.
182
00:09:19,559 --> 00:09:24,029
We spent years searching
for a way to make fusion work.
183
00:09:24,064 --> 00:09:26,731
And now, he can
just hand it to us.
184
00:09:26,767 --> 00:09:30,434
Fusion will affect
the economic vitality
185
00:09:30,470 --> 00:09:33,638
of our country,
our trade balance,
186
00:09:33,673 --> 00:09:36,875
and even the future
of the world economy.
187
00:09:36,910 --> 00:09:39,710
Mr. Remo,
188
00:09:39,746 --> 00:09:41,980
we don't have much time.
189
00:09:42,015 --> 00:09:45,884
Hoffgosh is not adapting
to our environment.
190
00:09:45,919 --> 00:09:48,519
He must go back.
191
00:09:48,554 --> 00:09:50,855
Please, help us.
192
00:09:54,661 --> 00:09:56,739
Let him have a safe trip,
193
00:09:56,763 --> 00:09:58,630
and tell Uncle I pass.
194
00:10:00,600 --> 00:10:02,033
Oh, uh...
195
00:10:02,069 --> 00:10:03,768
I'm leaving.
196
00:10:03,804 --> 00:10:06,637
Doctor, I want to
be alone with him.
197
00:10:06,673 --> 00:10:08,006
Mr. Remo...
198
00:10:08,041 --> 00:10:10,041
Doctor!
199
00:10:14,414 --> 00:10:16,480
What are you gonna
do, break my legs?
200
00:10:16,516 --> 00:10:18,349
Kill me 'cause I know too much?
201
00:10:18,384 --> 00:10:19,629
No.
202
00:10:19,653 --> 00:10:21,119
When you were in the army,
203
00:10:21,154 --> 00:10:22,732
certain charges were
brought against you.
204
00:10:22,756 --> 00:10:25,190
These were dropped.
205
00:10:25,225 --> 00:10:26,891
Where'd you get these?
206
00:10:26,926 --> 00:10:28,971
The case could be reopened.
207
00:10:28,995 --> 00:10:30,840
New evidence can be uncovered.
208
00:10:30,864 --> 00:10:32,162
Where'd you get these?!
209
00:10:32,198 --> 00:10:35,767
Mr. Remo, you could
spend years in jail.
210
00:10:38,605 --> 00:10:41,573
Or you could spend some
time with our friend in here,
211
00:10:41,608 --> 00:10:43,041
behind the one-way mirror.
212
00:11:01,961 --> 00:11:04,829
Now then, Mr. Remo,
are you ready?
213
00:11:04,864 --> 00:11:08,233
Just put this device
on which will enable you
214
00:11:08,268 --> 00:11:10,401
to hear him in English,
215
00:11:10,437 --> 00:11:12,437
and he will hear
you in Hoffgoshen.
216
00:11:12,472 --> 00:11:13,704
Fine.
217
00:11:13,740 --> 00:11:15,706
Just remember to
speak slowly to him.
218
00:11:15,742 --> 00:11:16,819
Hey, listen,
219
00:11:16,843 --> 00:11:18,687
after three weeks of
watching those tapes,
220
00:11:18,711 --> 00:11:20,678
I could almost speak Hoffgoshen.
221
00:11:20,714 --> 00:11:22,880
Okay, the body
language is vital.
222
00:11:22,916 --> 00:11:24,394
Don't worry about
the body language.
223
00:11:24,418 --> 00:11:26,851
You're talking to
Spiffy Remo, right?
224
00:11:26,887 --> 00:11:29,621
Well, then, let's see
your act, Mr. Remo.
225
00:11:29,656 --> 00:11:31,823
Well, showtime.
226
00:11:31,858 --> 00:11:33,390
Let's go.
227
00:11:38,698 --> 00:11:41,032
Any predictions, Doctor?
228
00:11:42,636 --> 00:11:45,169
He might do it.
229
00:12:15,468 --> 00:12:17,969
Don't be afraid.
230
00:12:20,540 --> 00:12:21,820
Don't be afraid.
231
00:12:25,378 --> 00:12:29,047
I've come to help you.
232
00:12:38,291 --> 00:12:41,392
So far so good.
233
00:13:22,035 --> 00:13:23,634
You all right? Yeah.
234
00:13:23,669 --> 00:13:25,336
All right, sit down.
235
00:13:28,474 --> 00:13:29,774
What happened to you in there?
236
00:13:29,809 --> 00:13:31,543
You were doing so well.
237
00:13:31,578 --> 00:13:34,112
You lost your concentration,
you stood up straight.
238
00:13:34,147 --> 00:13:36,680
I know what I did wrong.
239
00:13:36,716 --> 00:13:39,617
Give me some time.
240
00:13:42,388 --> 00:13:44,522
I'll get him down.
241
00:13:47,127 --> 00:13:49,026
I'll get him down.
242
00:14:35,875 --> 00:14:39,243
Why can't we
communicate anymore?
243
00:14:39,279 --> 00:14:41,945
Please.
244
00:14:41,981 --> 00:14:44,549
Please, say something to me.
245
00:14:50,657 --> 00:14:51,968
It's just not working.
246
00:14:51,992 --> 00:14:53,858
Not working?
247
00:14:53,893 --> 00:14:57,828
You're wasting our
time, I'm taking you back.
248
00:14:57,864 --> 00:14:59,230
Taking me back?
249
00:14:59,265 --> 00:15:00,564
I'm that close!
250
00:15:00,600 --> 00:15:02,979
You've been saying
that for too long.
251
00:15:03,003 --> 00:15:05,003
Are you serious?
252
00:15:05,038 --> 00:15:06,882
What do you think,
that's Peter Lorre in there
253
00:15:06,906 --> 00:15:08,772
or Jimmy Stewart?
254
00:15:08,808 --> 00:15:10,408
That thing's articulating sounds
255
00:15:10,443 --> 00:15:12,455
that have never been
heard on this planet before.
256
00:15:12,479 --> 00:15:14,545
Gentlemen, I'm
getting close to it.
257
00:15:14,580 --> 00:15:16,580
It's beginning to trust me.
258
00:15:16,616 --> 00:15:18,582
You can't fool that thing!
259
00:15:18,618 --> 00:15:20,418
You're out, Mr. Remo.
260
00:15:20,453 --> 00:15:21,552
Out?!
261
00:15:21,587 --> 00:15:23,921
Hey, nobody cancels
Spiffy Remo. Nobody!
262
00:15:23,956 --> 00:15:25,801
When you go in
there with him, you just
263
00:15:25,825 --> 00:15:27,636
seem to lose something, sir.
264
00:15:27,660 --> 00:15:29,060
Lose something?
265
00:15:29,095 --> 00:15:31,073
I can get it down,
gentlemen, believe me.
266
00:15:31,097 --> 00:15:32,774
I'm that close to
getting it down.
267
00:15:32,798 --> 00:15:34,399
I can! Give me that.
268
00:15:34,434 --> 00:15:36,234
Wait. No waiting!
269
00:15:52,151 --> 00:15:53,350
What's he doing?
270
00:16:52,912 --> 00:16:56,547
Yes, this is it!
271
00:17:19,906 --> 00:17:21,505
Oh!
272
00:18:00,346 --> 00:18:02,379
Do you hear that?
273
00:18:02,414 --> 00:18:03,848
Do you hear that?!
274
00:18:03,883 --> 00:18:05,149
They love you!
275
00:18:05,184 --> 00:18:06,761
I don't know where you've
been the last few months
276
00:18:06,785 --> 00:18:08,319
but the audience
still loves you.
277
00:18:10,423 --> 00:18:12,723
Why the sourpuss?
278
00:18:12,759 --> 00:18:15,158
I don't know.
279
00:18:15,194 --> 00:18:17,495
I just lost something.
280
00:18:17,530 --> 00:18:20,231
The act doesn't
work for me anymore.
281
00:18:20,266 --> 00:18:24,101
I knew it, I knew it.
282
00:18:24,136 --> 00:18:26,803
Okay, give me a couple of weeks.
283
00:18:31,043 --> 00:18:33,477
I'll see what I can
do about a raise.
284
00:18:38,083 --> 00:18:41,719
You don't understand,
do you, Pudgy?
285
00:18:41,754 --> 00:18:45,422
The sad thing is, you
probably never will.
286
00:18:45,458 --> 00:18:46,724
Good night.
287
00:18:58,471 --> 00:19:00,249
Hey, what are you doing?!
288
00:21:08,968 --> 00:21:12,803
The dark side is always there.
289
00:21:12,839 --> 00:21:15,639
Waiting for us to enter.
290
00:21:15,674 --> 00:21:18,709
Waiting to enter us.
291
00:21:18,745 --> 00:21:20,778
Until next time,
292
00:21:20,813 --> 00:21:25,249
try to enjoy the daylight.
19635
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