Original subtitles

I am so sorry. Believe me, my assistant will be spoken to

and dealt with. Gloria!

Another screw up like that and you'’re out of here!

Oh, boy, here come the tears. Gotta go.

Wow, i'’m beginning to feel sorry for your imaginary assistant.

Well, she'’s the one not doing her imaginary job.

I accidentally sent my editor the guest list to my wedding

instead of my article.

So now she'’s mad it'’s late and that she wasn'’t invited.

Oh, poor Sabrina.

How about a pick-me-up?

How about a put-that-down?

Aaron and I promised each other

we'’d open our wedding presents together.

A steam iron and some fresh tape

and he'’ll be none the wiser.

I would never do that.

I'’d take it to the airport and have it x-rayed.

Aaron and I have this weird thing between us... trust?

Oh, I have one of those.

Mine'’s offshore.

I haven'’t paid taxes in years.

[ Paper shredding]

Salem, what are you doing?

Inventory.

By the way, about your China pattern, colonial floral?

Did you pick it out over the phone?

Oh, I had no idea you were so interested in China.

Geh?!

Oh, man!

It'’s going to take me forever to Mark my territory.

♪ Life'’s changing around me, and i'’m gonna make it mine ♪

♪ i'’m reaching out and living by my rules... ♪

♪ Time'’s moving way too fast ♪

♪ I wanna make it last...

♪ '’cause i'’m out on my own now ♪

♪ and I like the way it feels.

"Roommate wanted for immediate opening."

Immediate?

So until the wedding, I sleep in the garage?

Oh, thanks.

I was afraid that was going to be a tough conversation.

We'’re not pushing you out.

But you are moving to L.A. in a couple of weeks

and we'’ve got to start making some sort of plans.

We'’re going to miss you so much.

Oh, i'’m going to miss you, too.

Oh, can this wait? Those telephone Poles fill up fast.

We won'’t be long.

You'’re actually letting those two dizzy dames

live here after we catch the trolley to tinsel town?

Don'’t worry, i'’ve got an other realm contractor coming

to disconnect the portal... And your vocal cords.

[ Gulping]

So there won'’t be any more

magical surprises popping in.[ Thunder rumbling]

Like that.

Rib-dah!

I didn'’t think anyone in the other realm

knew about the wedding.

It'’s not who knows, it'’s what they sent.

And whether it'’s in my size.

Okay, here goes.

You never know with other realm gifts.

Could be a time machine, the eighth wonder of the world,

or corncob holders.

Oh!

I was going to get you a box.

Yeah, I think I know where this is going.

[ Sighs]

I just didn'’t think

it would take so long to get there.

Oh, just what I always wanted... An ice cube.

An ice cube?!

Aunt Irma! Aunt Irma!

[ Thunderclap and whooshing]

Oh, these clever entrances

are wreaking havoc on my spine.

Aunt Irma, what a lovely...

What a pleasant...

What a surprise.

Well, it shouldn'’t be.

I believe you have something to share.

Not really.

Let'’s see... I switched shampoos, I got new tires,

i'’m getting married...

That'’s the one.

Congratulations.

Really?

You'’re okay with this?

I mean, no death and destruction?

No plague of scorpions?

Not unless you registered for them.

Now, you know where I stand on witches marrying mortals.

Usually on their necks.

But... if you insist,

I suppose this Harvey kinkle

is the least offensive of the lot.

Harvey? Aunt Irma...

Welcome to the family.

I'’m not marrying Harvey.

What?!

I'’m okay.

So, who is this mystery groom?

Does he come from a good witch family?

Good, bad, who are we to judge?

He is a witch, isn'’t he?

Because if he isn'’t...

[ Thunderclap]

Oh, man, and that was the only wedding present I liked.

Well, I can tell you this, his mother'’s a real witch

and his father'’s a bit of a gnome.

Splendid!

I must meet this boy. Now.

No! Aaron hates being popped in.

I mean, he hates anything pop... Pop music, popcorn...

He doesn'’t even like Mary poppins.

[ Chuckling]: Well, who does?

Chripy little twit.

I look forward to meeting him tonight at dinner.

Tonight? Mm-hmm.

Kind of late notice.

Sabrina, without my blessing, there will be no wedding.

Chicken or fish?

You do realize she thinks Aaron'’s a witch.

Yeah, that'’s kind of what I was going for.

You heard her. You saw the shards of pottery.

I had no choice.

Well, at least you Don'’t have to worry

about what'’s for dinner: Your butt in a sling.

Well, maybe i'’ll start with a salad.

Okay, what do you think?

Does this vinaigrette say,

"please Don'’t kill my fiancé"?

That'’s a lot of pressure to put on a salad dressing.

[ Smacking lips]

But heck! It is tangy.

Okay, all I have to do now

is convince aunt Irma to keep believing

that Aaron'’s a witch

and i'’ll have her blessing before dessert.

As long as everything goes according to plan.

Aah! Not according to plan!

What are you guys doing here?

Roommate interviews.

We need the table.

It gives us the illusion of power.

Well, can you give the illusion

of doing it somewhere else? You can'’t stay here.

Why? I'’ll tell you exactly why.

Oh, here'’s why.

Because people who respond to flyers on telephone Poles

are total wack-jobs.

Do you really want them knowing

where you live?

Well, they'’re going to have to know

if they'’re going to live here.

Maybe she'’s right... Why Don'’t we

pre-screen them at the diner?

Good idea. Yeah, who cares

if they know where the diner is?

Even crazy people have to eat. Yeah, and i'’m hungry.

[ Doorbell ringing]Okay, now go that way.

Why can'’t we use the front door?

Uh, why? I'’ll tell you exactly why... later.

I'’m coming! I'’m coming!

Fresh-picked daisies.

I thought they'’d help me get on your aunt'’s good side.

Yeah, well, she has no good side.

Aunt Irma'’s a nut.

No, correction, she'’s a kook.

Oh, check that. She'’s insane.

Her condition seems to be deteriorating as we speak.

Yeah, but Don'’t mention that to her.

Uh... whatever she says, just embrace it.

Play along, but Don'’t question her.

[ Chuckling]: Sabrina, calm down.

I'’m sure I can handle your aunt.

By the way, when does she get here?

Now. Whoa.

Where did you come from?

The big Dipper.

Oh, I... love it there.

It'’s an armpit.

Do you visit the outer reaches often?

I feel like I am right now.

Oh, Aaron loves to travel the galaxy.

Although, he'’s surprisingly down to earth

and plays along really well.

Right, right.

I mean, just last week, I was backpacking on Mars.

Oh... my 16th husband died

in a backpacking accident on Mars.

Oh, i'’m so sorry.

Oh, Don'’t be. Fortunately for me,

they were never able to prove a thing.

[ Laughing deviously]

Okay, well, who'’s hungry?

Oh, i'’m famished.

What'’s for dinner?

I thought i'’d let you chose.

I mean, what would you like for dinner?

Oh, Don'’t go to any trouble.

Oh, maybe prime rib, horseradish,

creamed spinach, baked potatoes and hot rolls.

Easy. And Aaron, where should we eat?

In here... or in there?

Well... I think since it'’s a special night, we should

eat in there.

Oh, well done! And I Don'’t mean the meat.

Let'’s eat.

Well, shall we?

Oh, what manners.

[ Chuckles]

Oh... and such manly magic.

[ Lusty purring]

Manly?

Well, I guess I could use a manicure.

I always pay my rent in advance.

I love to cook and clean.

Oh, and my father, he owns a chain of women'’s shoe stores.

Oh, I have met Mr. Right and she is a woman.

When can you move in?

What she means is we'’ll be in touch.

Did I mention my brother is a fireman?

Roxie: Swell.

You can go now.

I'’ll call you.

What is your problem?

She'’s perfect.

Let'’s just say she'’s no Sabrina.

Well, yeah, no Sabrina is why we'’re here.

If we Don'’t find a roommate,

we are going to be living on the street.

Or maybe we could time-share a dumpster.

I'’m sorry, but no one'’s ever going to compare to Sabrina.

So, I have to move out of the greatest house ever

unless we find someone who'’s exactly like Sabrina?

I'’m just not going to settle.

Hey, hear you guys are looking for a roommate

and i'’m looking for a room, so maybe...

I'’m sorry, I Don'’t think so.

Waitress: Well...

Your loss.

Gotta go.

Wait, wait, wait. What did you just say?

I said I gotta go?

Please... they were practically separated at birth.

So, Betty, huh?

Now, is that short for bettrina?

Mmm.

Delicious.

The last decent prime rib I had was for my 600th birthday.

Oh, charlemagne was such a scamp!

[ Laughs]

Oh... where does the time go?

Oh, you know time.

It flies...

[ Quietly]: When you'’re off your meds.

I'’m sorry.

I can'’t sit here and listen to this any longer.

You actually expect me

to believe that you'’re over a thousand years old?

Because you, Irma,

Don'’t look a day over 500.

Oh, I like this boy!

Oh, he'’s a heart-stopper, all right.

So tell me, what do you fly?

Fly?

Oh, Aaron'’s a big flier.

He flies all the time.

You know, kites,

flags, and occasionally, off the handle.

And... when I have the time, my vintage mustang.

Now she really flies.

Do you want to see her?

She'’s right outside.

Irma: Aah, lovely.

A classic.

[ Horse whinnies]

I must say, Sabrina, you have quite a catch here.

Oh, thank you, Irma.

And... you have my blessing.

Whoo-hoo!

She fell for... Aaron, just like I did.

I'’ll get the pudding.

[ Both chuckling]

Well, Salem, you doubting tomcat.

I just got Irma'’s blessing to marry my "witch" fiancé.

Now I can just relax and enjoy...

[ Sabrina shrieks]

No, you guys can'’t be here.

And yet we are.

Sabrina, Betty.Bettrina.

Okay, the name is Betty.

Oh, my gosh.

Seeing the two of you

next to each other...

It'’s uncanny.

We'’re giving her a house tour.

Fine, great.

Start upstairs and show Betty

every square inch of everything.

And remember, you can'’t make a decision

about a place until you'’ve slept there so...

Don'’t come down until you'’ve had a good night'’s sleep.

Whoa, I am having a Mary-Kate and Ashley moment.

Have you ever thought about dying your hair blond?

This better be someroom.

Here.

Don'’t say I never gave you anything.

Looks like we'’re going to have to call it an early night.

The cat got into the... Where'’s aunt Irma?

[ Gasps]: Did she violate the immutable laws of physics

and do something completely inexplicable?

Because if she did, I can explain.

Maybe you can explain what he'’s doing here.

"He"? He, who?

He, Harvey.

Your aunt'’s fawning over him in the living room. Ooh.

What are you talking about?

Aaron'’s not a witch.

No, wait, what he means is

Aaron is not a witch that you can take lightly.

I mean, he is all powerful in his

witchy, witchy ways.

"Witchy ways"?

Yeah, what she said.

You lied to me.

Lied? No, all I did was deliberately mislead you

at every possible turn.

But in my defense, you did say that Aaron was quite a catch.

That'’s true, I did.

And now he'’s the catch of the day.

I know we talked about a house in the country,

but a little castle in pea gravel

wouldn'’t be so bad.

Are you trying to kiss me, talk to me

or is none of this making sense because you'’re a fish?

Aaron, i'’m...

[ air hisses, Sabrina gasps]

Irma, please, be reasonable.

Well, she should know better

than to try to make a fool out of me.

[ Coughing]

Hey, Sabrina. Don'’t worry.

Everything'’s going to be okay.

Yeah, well, now you'’re standing on my air hose.

Oops. My bad.

Yeah, no kidding, you'’re bad.

You'’re single-handedly destroying my relationship.

Don'’t be angry with Harvey.

You have no one to blame but yourself.

I'’m sorry that my choices Don'’t fit

with your warped view of the world

but it doesn'’t give you the right to do this.

Ha! Sabrina, the one with the biggest magic

makes the rules.

Look, you mean, vindictive crone,

you'’re not going to

get away with this.

I'’m going to do whatever it takes

to walk down the aisle with Aaron.

Or swim, as the case may be.

Did she just call me a crone?

Actually, it was "vindictive crone."

I'’m not helping, am I?

Oh, boy... a goldfish.

Can I eat him?

That'’s Aaron.

So, is that a yes or a no?

Sabrina, I am so sorry.

I didn'’t do it on purpose, I swear.

Besides,

you know I always thought

there was something fishy about him.

[ Stifled chuckle]

Sorry.

Well, you want to redeem yourself?

Here... you watch Aaron.

I'’m going to go try to make a man out of him.

You know what I mean.

Wait! No, you can'’t go in there!

Oh, well, tour'’s over.

Thanks for stopping by.

No, no, not over.

That room'’s perfect for bettrina.

Please stop calling me that.

Uh, four walls, closet, ceiling, a window or two.

Yeah, but the real excitement is in the cellar.

Why Don'’t you guys show her that?

But Don'’t go in the living room.

Is that my sweater?

Yeah, doesn'’t it look great on her?

[ Door shuts]

You guys are going to need name tags

for me to tell you apart.

Is she part of the deal?

It'’s negotiable.

[ Beeping]

Spellman family alert, stop.

Emergency, stop.

Aunt Irma must be stopped, stop.

Oh, I got to stop stopping.

Sabrina, I swear it wasn'’t my fault.

I know. It'’s okay. I'’m sending out a distress call.

No, this new thing that'’s not my fault

is also not my fault.

Say hello to roxie and Morgan.

No!

They startled aunt Irma.

She doesn'’t have much of a safety

on that ping finger.

I'’m going to add this to the charges

that i'’m presenting to the witches'’ council.

I'’m arming myself with every possible spell, and...

Where'’s Aaron?!

Oh, it'’s okay.

Betty'’s watching him.

What? You left

a strange woman and a hungry cat

with my fish, I mean fiancé?

Okay, there he is.

No, that'’s just a piece of pasta.

Oh, my gosh, what have you done?!

Sorry. I thought Goldie looked

like he could use a little more water, and...

You flushed my fian... I mean, my fish down the drain?!

Honey, calm down.

They'’re 25 cents at any school carnival.

Here, watch these.

Oh, no... I hate cats.

I can'’t... get enough of these furry little creatures!

Let'’s see if we can find a box for you in the garage.

You and I are going fishing.

Hang on, Aaron, i'’m coming!

Whoa! Got a whole new respect for my plumber.

Yuck! That is so disgusting.

Even I wouldn'’t go down there. Yah!

Wow, this place is filthy.

I'’m calling my city councilman.

I can'’t believe this.

Most marriages end up in the sewer.

Mine'’s starting out there.

The lighting is surprisingly good down here.

Which isn'’t too good.

Why is this so hard?

Sabrina, come on.

We'’ve got, like, 50 miles of sewer to cover.

We just started looking.

No, this... me and Aaron.

Why is it so hard?

It seems like the entire universe

is conspiring against us.

I just wish everyone would leave us alone

and let us get married.

Sorry. I know I haven'’t made things any easier.

Harvey, I didn'’t mean...

I know this has been hard on you too, but...

Goldfish! That'’s him!

Oh, it'’s just an orange sock.

What if I never find him?

Yeah, what if.

Ha-ho-ho-ho!

I think I got something.

Careful. Give him some play or he'’ll snap the line.

Wha...?

My dentist has a lot of fishing magazines.

Okay, reel him in.

Salem: Right. Get ready to hit him with a hammer.

Sabrina: There'’ll be

no hammering of the fish.

Harvey,

you found him!

Yeah, yeah, I did.

Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you.

I Don'’t know what i'’d do without you.

I'’m sure you'’d do just fine.

Wait a minute.

If you'’ve got Aaron, then... what have I got?

Oh, dear!

A long bath coming.

Okay, aunt Irma, we'’re going to settle this once and for all.

Put down those three kittens.

Three?!

Betty. It was inevitable.

Ah, the odds have shifted.

Advantage: Cats.

Oh, I see you found your fishy friend.

And i'’d heard the relationship had gone down the drain.

Look, i'’m going to ask you for the last time, and please...

Note the prominent use of the word "please..."

pleaseturn Aaron back into a man.

And i'’m telling you for the last time,

I will not let you marry this mortal.

Fine, then you leave me no choice.

W-What are you doing?

Giving up my magic.

Sabrina, are you sure you really want to do that?

If this is the only way

that Aaron and I can be married,

then yes, that'’s exactly what I want to do.

[ Chuckling]

So, you think just because you made this sacrifice,

i'’m going to be all boo-hoo,

and your beloved will be a biped.

You can'’t object to two mortals getting married.

Oh, well, guess what?

I can and I do,

so you can give up

your magic, stomp your foot, slam your door,

but I am not turning him back.

You are the meanest aunt ever!

It'’s too late to kiss up to me.

We are not done here.

If it takes me the rest of my life,

I am going to marry this fish. Man.

Ooh, i'’ve got to quit doing that.

[ Chuckling]

Irma, why are you doing this?

Mmm, I have my reasons.

Harvey, how would you like to be an all-powerful being?

Hey, I work out.

What would you say if I offered you Sabrina'’s magic?

Thanks, i'’m good.

Oh, come on now, Harvey.

Don'’t tell me there isn'’t something or someone

you desire.

Magic can make many things happen.

Don'’t worry.

I may not have my magic, but I still know people.

You know, I have to say

you'’re really holding up well under the circumstances,

and you'’re really a great swimmer.

Aaron!

[ Coughing]Ooh.

What'’s going on?

Uh, well,

you, uh, you fainted,

and your eyes rolled back, tongue came out...

Not pretty.

So, you put me in a bathtub with all my clothes on?

You'’d have done the same for me.

Here, dry off.

I'’ll be back.

[ Door shuts]

Aunt Irma, I Don'’t know what made you change your mind

but thank you for turning him back into a man.

Well, obviously, that boy loves you very much.

And if you'’ll just give him a chance,

you'’ll see why I love Aaron, too.

Aaron? I was talking about Harvey.

I gave him the powers of the universe.

Well, your magic, actually.

Wait, so Harvey changed Aaron back?

Why couldn'’t I do that?

Well, you were trying to undo my spell.

He was trying to make you happy.

Turns out his was a much more powerful motive.

I can'’t believe he did that for me.

So, marry a mortal,

but Don'’t expect to see me at your wedding.

Oh, so this does have a happy ending.

Bye, aunt Irma.

Oh, wait.

What about our three furry friends?

Well, fine.

I'’ll just write off the entire day.

Whoa.

What'’s going on?

What are we doing?

I Don'’t know, but you two are freaks.

Guys, if Aaron comes slogging down the stairs,

tell him i'’ll be right back.

I'’ve got a big thank you to deliver.

I can'’t believe that I thought

you were anything like Sabrina.

What are you, some kind of a sorceress?

[ Chuckling]: Yeah. Watch me disappear.

I am so sorry, roxie.

You know, you were right.

We are never going to find anyone to replace Sabrina.

I told you.

And for some reason,

I feel like drowning my sorrows in a bowl of cream.

I'’m more in a raw tuna kind of mood.

[ Knock at door]

Sabrina: Harvey, it'’s me.

I just want to thank you.

Harvey?

Harvey: "May your life be filled with happiness,

"and with the magic only you can create.

"I'’ll always love you.

Harvey."

Good-bye, Harvey.

I can'’t believe Harvey'’s really gone.

Neither can I.

Oh, it'’s just tragic.

He was a great guy.

I know; We were so close.

Tell me about it.

We could have had him moved in here by the weekend.

It wouldn'’t have worked anyway.

He never would have worn the sweater.

Oh, good point.