Original subtitles

Aaron, I mean this

from the very bottom of my heart,

I love you.

Nice try.

I'’ve gotten more emotion

out of my car'’s navigational system.

You know, I knew it was childish to practice on my cat.

I should be doing this in the mirror.

And, in fact, i'’ll do it one better.

Aaron, i'’ve been wanting

to tell you this for a long time.

I love you.

Aw, that'’s great, Sabrina, thanks.

Oh, no, no, no.

Not the dreaded thanks. Try again.

I love you.

Ditto.

No, no "ditto."

No "right back at you,"

no "yeah, same to you, but more of it."

Just tell me you love me.

I love you.

Oh, well, that'’s really sudden, but...

I love you, too.

What? I look hot today.

♪ Life'’s changing around me, and i'’m gonna make it mine ♪

♪ i'’m reaching out and living by my rules... ♪

♪ Time'’s moving way too fast ♪

♪ I wanna make it last...

♪ '’cause i'’m out on my own now ♪

♪ and I like the way it feels.

Insert the gunta hooks

into the Abel locks and rotate the...

What'’s this word mean?

Oh, that'’s Swedish for

"we'’re up a fjord without a paddle."

So, what do you think?

Nice, put you'’re looking a little too put together

to be putting things together.

But I look perfect for having dinner at my boyfriend'’s.

Aaron'’s cooking, and for dessert,

i'’m finally going to tell him I love him.

First?

Mm-mm.

You'’re going to say "I love you" first?

Yeah.

Never ever say "I love you" first.

Unless of course he'’s just given you

something sparkly and expensive.

Or he'’s got the last parachute.

But I do love him and I want him to know.

It'’s the only way to take our relationship to the next level.

And it'’s not like he'’s going to laugh in my face, right?

This is when you say, "right," and nod your head furiously.

Right, but I wouldn'’t rule out

an incredibly awkward silence

followed by a rapid change of subject.

Hey, who wants coffee?

Sabrina, are you sure you want to do this?

Yes, i'’m absolutely sure.

I'’m just going to come out and say it.

Anyway, it... we...

[ Chuckling]: What are you trying to say, Sabrina?

Nothing.

Wait, no, there is something.

Aaron, we'’ve been seeing each other for a while now

and there'’s something i'’ve really been wanting to tell you.

Aaron, I love...

I love...

I love the night life.

Okay, we could go dancing after dessert.

Whew, and here I was afraid

there'’d be this big, awkward silence.

So what do you love?

And i'’m not talking about "whiskers on kittens."

Um, okay, things that I love...

Well... obviously, I love music.

And, uh, oh, i'’m a big fan of old movies.

Oh, you know what I really love?

The Red Sox.

I can'’t believe we actually did it.

And may I add

we only had to use half the screws.

Hey, guys. Sabrina around?

No, she ran out of here to go have dinner with...

A friend.

Less than a friend.

An acquaintance.

A quasi-chum with a peg leg.

Morgan.

Harvey knows about Aaron.

Well, he does now. Way to go.

Yeah, I know all about Sabrina and Aaron.

How happy they are,

how they spend every waking moment together.

Now every time I hear his flippin'’ name

I want to break things into a thousand pieces.

Kind of like that?

Harvey, you have a problem.

Yeah, I know.

I'’m in love with a woman who loves another man.

I'’d give anything for a second chance with Sabrina.

Breaking up with her

was the biggest regret of my life.

[ Rattling]

Harvey, I wish there was something I could say.

I hate to see you broken up like this.

But if that'’s how you really feel,

then you need to tell her.

Yeah, before she left to tell Aaron that she loved him

would have been ideal.

What?

That'’s it.

I can'’t wait around any longer.

I have to say it.

I have to tell her.

And Linguini, fettuccine...

Boston terriers.

Those Japanese monkeys that take steam baths, you know?

Why won'’t he say it?

Oh, and vintage cars...

Okay, I get it: You got a lot of love to spread around.

Okay, well, I told you all the things that I love.

What do you love?

You! You! You! You! You!

Nothing comes to mind.

Well, hopefully, you'’ll love dessert.

Only if it'’s a sheet cake

with "I love you, Sabrina" spelled out in sparklers.

Oh, this is ridiculous.

Feelings of love I cannot find,

help me hear what'’s on Aaron'’s mind.

She looks so amazing in the dress.

This old thing? Thanks.

What? I didn'’t say anything.

Neither did I. But i'’ll start.

Uh, penny for your thoughts.

A penny?

[ Chuckling]: I once got a quarter

for sticking my tongue on a hot pepper.

Oh, my god, i'’m such a moron.

Oh, that'’s not a big deal.

I once stuck my tongue to the inside of a freezer.

Oh, my god, i'’m such a moron.

I wonder if I should tell her.

Yes, tell her. Tell her.

I'’m not sure how to put it.

I guess I should just be brave and see how she reacts.

Oh, come on, what do you want, a drum roll?

Just say it.

I feel there'’s something you want to tell me.

Actually, I do.

Sabrina, you got something right there.

Thanks.

Okay, the only two things he doesn'’t love:

Half-chewed spinach and me.

Well, there you go.

That'’s perfect.

Now can you take it apart and put it together in my room?

She'’s home.

Remember... bold and decisive.

Unless she'’s already

told him that she loves him,

then just finish the cabinet and slink out the back.

Hey, Harvey.

Ah, I knew those two

wouldn'’t get this thing together on their own.

So, how was your night?

I'’ve had better.

You know, sometimes things Don'’t go quite like you planned.

I'’m really sorry

to hear that.

Thanks. Night.

Sabrina, wait.

What'’s wrong?

Everything.

Well, it'’s not that bad.

You know, it'’s not my taste,

but it'’ll go perfect in Morgan'’s room.

It'’s not about the cabinet.

It'’s...

Just that I glued my shoes to the floor.

Oh, well, i'’m sure you'’re still

doing better than the blunder twins.

Oh, Don'’t tell them I said that.

Good night.

Oh, you'’re up awfully early.

Never a good sign.

And you'’re home awfully early. Slow night?

Eh, the usual.

Cruised the alleys, knocked over a trash can, flower pot.

Well, I had a lousy night.

I totally chickened out

when I tried to tell Aaron that I love him.

But fortunately, I found the perfect coach

to help me express how I really feel...

Cyrano De bergerac.

The big-schnozzed wordsmith

who always knows exactly what to say?

That'’s the one, but I found a spell

for a slightly more personal version.

I can'’t come up with the words alone

so send me a cyrano of my own.

Greetings. Cyrano Sabrina at your service.

Whoa, that is one huge... cape.

Thank you.

Hopefully it doesn'’t distract from my more prominent feature.

Oh, it'’s hardly nose-able, uh, noticeable.

Well, I detect from the stammering speech

and inarticulate phrasing

that the young lady needs help in wooing.

Actually, I think he'’s already been wooed.

I just need to tell him I wuv him... love him.

Have you tried, "your eyes are like two flowers

blooming the morning sun"?

No, not exactly, and shouldn'’t I know

how he'’s going to respond before I blurt out something

quite that embarrassing?

Ah, so the real fear emerges... Rejection.

Let'’s see if I can find the most articulate way to put this...

Duh.

I just need you to do a little investigating.

Nose around a little bit.

I mean, well...

Your nose is lovely.

Your nostrils are like two flowers blooming...

Nice try.

Okay, now remember, you'’re my cousin Sarah

and you'’re, uh, on a break from your day job

at the renaissance fair.

Excellent, renaissance fair.

Perhaps my duties include jousting.

I know, I started out as an apprentice

for a cocksure yet dainty blacksmith who...

Okay, enough of your back story.

Fear not.

Just leaveth me alone with him

and I shall discern his feelings for you.

Me liketh.

Ooh, here he comes now.

My, he'’s a strapping comely lad.

One more thing, Don'’t talk like that.

Hi.

Hi, Aaron. This is my cousin, Sarah.

Nose to meet you.

I mean, nice, nice to meet you.

Be not embarrassed.

My nose shows character.

It shows spine; It shows heart,

but only if I tilt my head way, way back.

[ Laughing]: Hey, she'’s funny.

Listen, i'’m sorry. I can'’t stay.

I'’ve got to get back to the club.

I'’ve got sixpence none the richer playing

and I am swamped.

You know, actually, if you'’re still in town

maybe you'’d like to come.

Oh, she'’d love to.

Sarah'’s really into music.

You know, especially all the behind the scenes stuff.

Yeah, i'’m sure she has a thousand questions for you.

So, uh, thanks for asking her to tag along. See you.

I didn'’t actually mean...

She'’s rather fleet of foot, no?

Where did you say you'’re from again?

Jersey.

[ Sniffling]

Oh, hey, Harvey, what are you...

Here. What'’s this?

I think you'’ll understand when you open it.

Earrings?

In the shape of... Sea otters?

What?

I thought you... Otter have them?

And I think you otter start wearing your helmet at hockey.

Morgan.

Otter earrings?

You promised me a bracelet that would make Sabrina'’s heart melt.

It turned out it made my heart melt, too.

And it matched my outfit.

Pretty, huh?

Yeah, okay, Perry, that looks great.

Yes, it does.

If by great you mean the lighting is too dim

and the sight lines are dreadful.

[ Chuckling]: Excuse me.

I'’ve been doing this a while and that...

Yeah, Perry, you want to bring the lights up a little

and, uh, make the sight lines less, um... dreadful.

Thanks.

I'’m sure you would have caught that eventually

along with that wild eyebrow.

Hey, check out that nose.

Hey, guys, come on.

What kind of remark is that?

And extremely unimaginative one.

A better insult would have been

"you could check into that nose."

Your lack of creativity is appalling.

Next time, try "nice nose. Did you keep the peel?"

Or, perhaps, "do you smell... Munich?"

Okay, okay, I get the point.

Okay, now off with you.

I feel a sneeze coming on.

[ Chuckling]

Wow, you really know how to take care of yourself.

You'’re certainly not afraid to speak your mind.

I like that.

Good, because i'’m also not afraid to thrash a man

at the game of pool.

Well, I also hope you'’re not afraid of losing.

'’cause I am.

What is taking so long?

I should have heard from cyrano hours ago.

Yeah, about that.

So when'’s the last time you read "cyrano De bergerac"?

Well, it'’s been a while, but I remember it.

You know, inner beauty,

love wins, big schnoz, blah, blah, blah.

Well, it'’s possible the "blah, blah, blah,"

was the creamy nougat of the story,

because the person cyrano helps woo ends up loving him.

What?!

I'’m the wrong character?

Oh, this is just fiction.

I means there'’s no way that...

Well, I have nothing to worry about, right?

Right.

Whoa! Sarah, what are you doing?

I mean, what just happened?

Obviously you have a very short memory.

It went something like this.

No, no, wh-whoa, we can'’t do this.

I mean, you know, Don'’t get me wrong.

You-you'’re a great girl,

but i'’m sorry if I gave you the wrong impression.

Look, i'’ve got to go check on something backstage,

but, um, look, you and I, we need to, um...

Talk about this later. Okay.

As you wish.

I shall not move from this...

Spot.

Hi. I was hoping to get a little update.

You know, how'’s the band? Do you like the food?

Does Aaron love me with the love

that will last forever? Stuff like that.

The river runs its course.

That... really doesn'’t tell me anything.

I can report that he is a worthy swain.

Okay, the river thing was actually clearer.

He appears to be quite smitten with you.

Oh, good.

And I can also tell you that he is a splendid kisser.

Yeah, isn'’t he?

Aah, I love that about... What?!

In fact, I would have to say

his lips are like two flowers blossoming...

Back up!

There is no way he kissed you.

You must'’ve kissed him.

Well, it takes two to tango.

You kissed anddanced?!

Hey, come back here.

I'’m not done with you yet.

Where are you going?

Well, there'’s been a slight change in plans.

I'’ve decided i'’m keeping Aaron for myself.

Oh, not so fast, pinozio.

Are you saying Aaron hit on you?

I'’m saying men are easily seduced by words

and words are, after all, my stock and trade.

Well, I Don'’t care what you or your words say,

I totally trust Aaron.

But just in case,

I need to get the real story,

so give my nose a greater glory.

Anyone for a ring toss?

[ Gasps]: Gracious!

[ Gasps]

I'’m a small-nosed freak.

All right, no more messing around.

This is what I should'’ve done from the start.

Who are you?

Exactly... i'’m a changed man.

No more Mr. Nice guy.

And I think you'’re making a big mistake with Aaron.

You claim to have feelings for him,

but you can'’t even bring yourself to tell him.

Well, I have no problem

telling you how I feel.

I love you, Sabrina.

Whoo!

Oh, that is much easier without the face-kabob.

Sabrina?

Oh, thank heavens, no.

I am Sabrina'’s personal cyrano... Artist, poet, musician

and, as of this morning, renaissance faire roustabout.

Why couldn'’t I fall in love with a sprite,

or a wood nymph?

If you'’ll excuse me, my work here is not complete.

Have you a conveyance of any sort?

Um... i'’ve got a car.

Oh, good enough.

Hey, wait.

I know you'’re Sabrina'’s cyrano,

but do you think you could give me any advice

on how to win her back?

Well, Sabrina is a complex girl.

A lass with many facets, a woman...

I Don'’t really have time for a soliloquy.

I'’m guessing since she brought in professional help,

she'’ll be telling Aaron she loves him any minute now.

A grand gesture would do the trick.

Godspeed, good sir nice guy.

Oh, by the way, you are a much better kisser than Aaron.

You might want to mention that to Sabrina.

[ Door closing]

Roxie, Morgan.

Is everything all right?

I thought I heard Sabrina slam out of here.

Everything'’s going to be great.

I just need to borrow your car.

What happened to yours?

Yeah, you can'’t just run in here

and take our car without some explanation.

It'’s a long, complicated story.

See, Sabrina...

Oh, just take it.

Wait, what about Sabrina?

Let'’s just say drastic times call for drastic measures.

Wish me luck.

We'’ve got to do something.

We got Harvey all hopped up

about telling Sabrina how he feels.

If he does anything to Aaron, Sabrina will never forgive us.

Fine.

Wow, this thing'’s like a divining rod.

Aaron, we have to talk.

I mean, uh, prithee worthy swain-y,

we must converseth.

Yeah, I still want to have a talk about that kiss.

A-ha! So you did kiss her.

I mean, me.

Look, for the last time,

I didn'’t kiss you. You kissed me.

Oh. Good answer. Good answer.

But as they say, it takes two to tango.

We didn'’t dance.

Look, I just said that I liked you

but in a... you know, my-girlfriend'’s-cousin,

non-kissing, hands-to- yourself kind of way.

Aaron: Oh, Sabrina.

Boy, am I glad to see you.

Mmm.

Sarah!

Oh, i'’m sorry. Aren'’t you Sarah?

Of course I am.

I just like to talk to myself aloud.

You know, like, "hi, Sarah.

Way to go, Sarah."

And, "Sarah, what are you doing

just standing here watching Sabrina kiss her boyfriend?"

Answer: I Don'’t rightly know.

Well, um, i'’ll just let you two catch up.

Did you two switch clothes?

Actually, I Don'’t want to know.

My, someone'’s nose is bent out of shape.

Not for long.

I'’m not getting what I seek,

I give you back your big ol'’ beak.

And now you can follow your nose.

I'’ve had it with your fancy talk

and macking on my boyfriend.

See ya, cyrano.

Hmm.

That'’s weird.

I just had my 25,000 ping service.

While you ponder, I take action.

Excuse me. My consort awaits.

This would be so much easier

if I had any idea what she was saying.

Sarah, come back here!

Keep your eyes open.

I Don'’t see Harvey anywhere.

Ooh, Harvey who?

Focus, Morgan.

Okay, uh, you take the ladies'’ room,

i'’ll check the men'’s.

[ Scoffs]

Let me put this as eloquently as I can.

Keep your grubby mitts off my man, or else.

Yo, mama.

I learned that from the bouncer.

Normally i'’d suggest pistols at dawn,

but I think these will have to do.

Are you suggesting we play pool for Aaron'’s hand?

Don'’t be ridiculous.

Oh, good.

I'’m suggesting a duel to the death.

Well, as long as it'’s not pool.

En garde.

Here? Now? I'’m not going to make a big scene

on Aaron'’s big night.

Whoo. Nice shot.

Too bad you didn'’t call it.

Take that and that and that.

Take this and this and this.

Sabrina, I am so glad I found you.

I'’m afraid something drastic is about to happen.

You think?

Do you want two guys

fighting over you in public?

Ripping each other'’s shirts, getting all sweaty...

On the other hand, boys will be boys.

[ Grunts] Why are you doing this?

'’cause you can'’t rewrite a classic.

No, but you can rework it.

Didn'’t you see Leonardo in Romeo and Juliet?

Aah. I loved that.

He was great.

He always is.

Hey, look. There he is now.

Where?

[ Applause]

Sabrina, I have to talk to you about Harvey.

I think Morgan and I may have created a monster.

It'’s better than an alter ego. I'’ve got to go.

So where do you think you'’re going?

Straight through you, if necessary.

Oh, I Don'’t think so.

Would you mind if I made an announcement?

Would you mind if I came to your house and sang in your shower?

[ Sabrina and Sarah arguing]No, that would be great.

So, if I could just borrow the Mike.

Hey, hey, hey, what'’s going on?

You know you can'’t defeat me

so, why, pray tell,

are you so willing to risk life and limb for him?

Because, pray tell, I love him.

Never mind.

Hmm.

What did you say?

I said... I love you.

There, I finally said it.

Aaron, I love you.

I love you, too.

You do?

[ Laughing]: Yeah, I do.

Leigh: Uh, excuse me.

We actually have a couple more songs to sing here.

Oh, right. Sorry.

There.

I Don'’t know if you just heard,

but he just said he loves me.

And I believe I heard you say that you love him.

Of course I only had to kiss your beloved

and beat you soundly with a pool cue

to get you to say it,

but it'’s all part of being a tragic hero.

Wow.

I did say it.

How can I ever thank you?

Oh, your kind words and boyfriend'’s lips

are thanks enough.

Yeah, about that kiss...

Got to go.

Sabrina.

Hey, there'’s the man I love.

Ooh, i'’ve got to say, I love saying that.

And I Don'’t mind hearing it.

You know, we'’ve got to promise

to be open with each other and not hold back.

Yeah, um, about that.

Something happened this afternoon with your cousin

that maybe I should tell you.

And yet, some things are better left unsaid.

Hey, Harvey.

You know, I stopped by your house yesterday

and met your cyrano.

You did?

I mean, oh, you did?

So, uh, you know, what did she say?

Was there kissing involved?

Funny you should mention it, but yeah.

Plus, she gave me some really good advice.

She did?

What did she tell you?

Oh, you'’ll find out.

Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow,

but someday.

I wonder if she'’s a better kisser than I am.

[ Scoffs]