Original subtitles

[ Moaning]

Whoa. Did you just sigh?

Or are you sitting on an accordion?

I think I see a gray hair.

What? Where?

You know, I knew this job would age me.

You know, i'’m two weeks away

from a blue rinse and bunion pads.

The gray hair is on me.

Don'’t you think of anyone besides yourself?

Of course I do.

Right now i'’m thinking

of Daniel bettingfield.

I'’m doing the cover story on him

for this issue of scorchmagazine.

Do you know what a big responsibility this is?

Wow, you'’ve never had a cover before

except for that phony timemagazine one

you got at the county fair.

Hey, I learned to ride a two-Wheeler.

I totally deserved woman of the year.

Hey!

Sorry, i'’m in a rush.

The radio station'’s general manager is in town.

Okay, this time, no matter how good the toupee looks

do not ask if it'’s new.

Hey, I was doing him a favor.

There was a price tag hanging off of it.

Sabrina... Will you open

my mail for me?

I sent my fashion portfolio

to laruemagazine

and I am too nervous to read their response.

Look at all these stamps.

I Don'’t think they'’d spend $3.97 on a rejection letter.

Yes! Goody, goody, goody.

Unless they'’re just sending back your portfolio.

Baddy, baddy, baddy.

Hey, Morgan, those are really good.

Okay, it says here that they like your stuff.

They just want you to come back

when you'’ve had more experience.

That'’s why I hate careers.

It was so much easier getting experience with boys.

See you guys.

Seriously, Morgan, you'’re going

to find work soon... I know it.

Thanks. Okay, I feel better.

It is so great to have roommates

who think i'’m talented.

You are.

And beautiful.

Absolutely.

And smart.

Is that a gray hair on Salem?

Oh.

♪ Life'’s changing around me, and i'’m gonna make it mine ♪

♪ i'’m reaching out and living by my rules... ♪

♪ Time'’s moving way too fast ♪

♪ I wanna make it last...

♪ '’cause i'’m out on my own now ♪

♪ and I like the way it feels.

[ Whistling]

What are you so happy about?

Well, let'’s see, I got here early.

I found a great parking spot

and the guy in the coffee stand didn'’t call me "peaches."

So it has nothing to do with you getting the cover story.

Aw, are you upset about that?

Of course not.

Just, you know, doing a cover'’s

a big responsibility.

I should know.

I'’ve written too many to count.

Nine of the last 13.

Well, I got this cover.

Sabrina, you lost the cover.

What?!

Well, make that ten of 14

but Don'’t worry, i'’ll let you proofread it, peaches.

Annie, Annie, you can'’t take this story from me.

I already told my cat.

I'’m sorry, I just heard from the designer.

He refuses to dress Daniel bettingfield.

Why?! I Don'’t know.

Maybe he doesn'’t like the British.

Who doesn'’t like the British?

Sure, they used to have a Navy and attack people all the time

but now they just make tea and jam and long, boring movies.

Sorry, no designer, no cover.

See, the problem is, Boston'’s not really

known for its designers

except for the dude who invented the tri-corner hat.

Wait, wait!

What about Morgan kavanaugh?

Who? Morgan kavanaugh.

She'’s my friend.

Well, in that case... no.

But you haven'’t even seen her portfolio.

Maybe I shouldn'’t inhale when I use that hair spray.

I just happen to have Morgan'’s portfolio...

Right here.

I'’m telling you, she is hot, hot, hot right now.

I mean, laruemagazine just... contacted her.

It'’s not bad, but I hate to give the cover

to someone i'’ve never heard of.

Come on, you never heard of me.

That'’s not your best argument.

Annie, i'’m telling you, she is really good.

I guess I Don'’t have much of a choice... i'’m desperate.

Oh, she'’s going to be so happy to hear that.

Well, I might edit it a little bit.

Salem, you'’re dying your hair?

I'’m just putting in some low-lights.

Oh, I had no idea they made a just for cats.

I had no idea how many shades of black there were.

I finally went with "ultimate goulet."

Hi, Sabrina.

Uh, what is going on with the cat?

Oh, that... well, uh...

I am not going to color my hair without practicing first.

Oh, great idea.

Later I think i'’ll try my new home bikini waxer on him.

[ Gasps]

Listen, Morgan, i'’ve got great news.

Oh, you found my briefcase.

Yeah, when I took it to work by mistake... lucky for you.

Guess what Daniel bettingfield'’s going to be wearing on the cover

of scorchmagazine.

Well, he'’s British so... Oh, lederhosen.

No. He'’s wearing Morgan wear.

I showed Annie your portfolio and got you the job.

You'’re kidding.

Annie really wants me to style the cover?

Wants? She said it herself... she is desperate.

Oh, my god, Sabrina, thank you so much

for doing this for me.

What'’s going on?

Roxie, great news.

I am going to be styling

Daniel bettingfield for the cover of scorchmagazine.

Good for you. At least things are going well for you guys.

Oh, they really are. Thanks.

Hold it, Morgan.

Roxie, what happened?

My station manager isn'’t happy with my show.

He'’s tired of girl talk.

Whoa, that'’s awful.

Here I get this great news

and then you come in and just bring us down.

Morgan. Look...

It'’s not the end of the world.

You could just change the format of your show.

You know, instead of girl talk

it could be... guy talk.

You know, like, uh...

[ Deep voice]: That'’s a big one, Mark.

Yeah, you totally blew that carburetor, Pete.

I thought people loved my show.

You guys like it, right?

Of course we do.

We listen to it every night.

Sure. But mostly with the sound turned down so I can hear conan.

Don'’t listen to her.

We'’re huge fans.

What would you have told that woman

that called last night from framingham?

Oh. Well, I would have told her

to dump that loser.

Her husband just died.

Oh.

Well, then all the more reason to let go.

Look, there'’s tons of things you could do with the radio show.

I mean, you could do music...

But I want my show to remain a place

where women can express themselves.

Then you better get

some good-looking guys on your show.

Why Don'’t you go wax the cat?

I Don'’t know.

Maybe I should think

about doing something else.

No, roxie, your show is great.

You know, but maybe there'’s something

to that music idea.

You know, maybe you could mix

your message with live music.

Live music.

That'’s a great idea.

Thanks, Sabrina.

[ Cat screeches]

What was that?

The sound of a cat

who'’s going to look good in a bikini.

Oh, i'’m sure Morgan

will be here any minute now.

You know, she'’s in the fashion business

so she'’s fashionably late.

Any minute now.

I Don'’t like waiting.

Me neither.

I once dumped a girl for making me wait.

After two hours

I just paid the minister

sent the guests home

and took the maid of honor on a honeymoon.

Annie, you know

if you need it, you can use mystory as the cover.

Whoa, back on your tree limb, vulture.

This one isn'’t dead yet.

No, no, seriously, i'’m doing that interview

with ozzie Osbourne tomorrow.

The only thing is, I got to figure what time

uh-uh-uh o'’clock is.

If I know Morgan, she'’s just taking a few extra seconds

to, you know, prepare herself for a professional presentation.

[ Horns honking]

Hey, quit your honking.

We'’re not going anywhere.

[ Honking]

[ Phone rings]

Hello.

Morgan, you were supposed to be here

20 minutes ago. Where are you?

Duh, shopping.

I wanted to look good for this meeting.

Well, get here now.

I can'’t go any faster.

Oh, yes, you can.

Hello. This car goes fast.

Look, I can'’t wait any longer.

Carlos, run your story.

Wait, she'’s here.

Hi.

Am I late?

Whoa. Rad do.

Thanks.

Rad do to you, too.

Don'’t worry, she won'’t be doing hair.

Okay. I have so many great ideas for this cover.

I want to put Daniel in something

that makes a bold statement.

You want something bold?

Try showing up on time.

That is so done.

Okay, I got to go get started on this article.

You know, this cover is a big break for me, too.

If I do well, Annie might stop calling me "the temp."

Hey. Does Salem look different to you?

[ Clearing throat]

No. He looks exactly the same.

Maybe he'’s facing a different way.

Whathave you done?

I figured the dye job wasn'’t enough to make me look younger

so for five bucks they threw in a little collagen.

A little?

It looks like you made out with a beehive.

Ugh.

Bwah?

Hey, roxie, if you Don'’t mind

i'’m going to borrow your Daniel bettingfield cd.

Sure. Hey, do you have a minute?

I'’m working on a song and i'’d like to run it by you.

Oh, well, okay.

♪ Boston ladies sing this song ♪

♪ do-dah, do-dah

♪ we get paid less for the same job ♪

♪ and work all day...

You thought it was good?

Well, no, but...

So what do you think?

Oh, it'’s great.

Roxie

they say that everyone is

given a special gift.

If music is yours, I hope you saved the receipt.

Oh, rox, Don'’t listen to her.

I mean, what does she know about music?

She thought b-flat was a bra size.

So you really like it?

Yeah, it'’s fantastic.

I wish I could listen to the rest

but I got to go prepare for this interview

but keep it up.

♪ Healthy people Don'’t eat meat... ♪

All right, Daniel'’s only going to give me

a little bit of time.

I have to boil this down to the best 75 questions.

Now, do you think it'’s possible to be over-prepared?

Ooh, good one. 76.

All right, I figured we would set up

with the bakery in the background.

That cool with you?

I see what you'’re going for.

Interesting light, kind of a European feel?

No, there'’s an outlet there.

Hey, is Daniel here yet?

Yeah, he'’s in your office with Morgan.

She'’s putting together his look.

There is a naked rock star in my office and i'’m not there?

I hate what i'’ve become.

Oh, Annie, by the way

I know this cover story is an awesome opportunity

and I hope it will inspire you to give me more responsibility.

Did you not hear me?

There is a naked rock star in my office.

Ladies and gentlemen...

I present

Daniel bettingfield.

Well, what do you think?

Oh, my gosh, it'’s awful.

What do we do?

We do nothing.

You want more responsibility?

Fire your friend.

Listen, Morgan...

Did you see those people?

I stunned them.

Yeah.

I totally get

what you mean about Annie.

"I'’m too important to give a compliment."

I mean

you think somebody is maybe a little intimidated

by something called talent?

You know, you'’re right.

And that'’s probably why

she'’s insisting on going a different way

with the cover.

Really?

Well, which way does she want me to go?

Uh... that way?

What?

You lost the job, Morgan.

Annie doesn'’t want to use your design.

Why not?!

I mean, that is a great look.

You liked it, right?

Me?

Well, I thought it was... great.

I mean, I told Annie she'’s making a big mistake.

Maybe I should go talk to her.

No, no. You know, it'’s pointless.

Once Annie makes her decision, there'’s no swaying her.

I mean, she still holds onto her enron stock.

What about Daniel?

I mean, doesn'’t he have a say in any of this?

Freaking crazy chick.

Decked out like a Vegas showgirl.

Oh, Daniel, where are you going?

To find a pub.

I need a pint to wash down these feathers.

Daniel, please wait.

Morgan...

Who do you think you are to judge my fashions?

Wait, first of all

let'’s not confuse fashion with poultry, okay?

And second, it isn'’t just me.

Even Sabrina said your outfit stunk.

You said that?

You told me you liked it.

Well... I...

Morgan!

I can'’t believe you told her

that to her face.

At least I had the decency to trash her behind her back.

Daniel, I know this is the tenth message I left you

but your voice mail only gives me 15 seconds to talk

and I really want to do the interview with you.

And I really did think you look cute in the feath...

Ers. Feathers.

Okay, call me back.

My number is on the second and third message.

Salem, what happened to you?

You get stuck in a bicycle chain?

Nothing happened.

I'’m just being the young, hip cat that I am.

Oh, speaking of which, how is your hip?

Uh, I have my good days and my bad days.

[ Door closes]

Morgan, wait. I can explain.

Oh, really? I wouldn'’t know

which of your two faces to listen to.

What do you mean?

You told me that you liked my

design for Daniel bettingfield.

And you told Annie that you Don'’t.

You told roxie

you liked her song

and you told me that you didn'’t.

That makes you two-faced.

So you'’d better face it.

Twice.

I am not two-faced.

Yeah, right.

Salem, are you talking to someone?

What are you asking the geezer for?

He can'’t hear anything.

What the...?

Howdy.

What'’s going on?

You'’re a witch. You should know about this.

If a witch denies the truth, she'’s forced to confront it.

What? But I was just trying

to spare Morgan and roxie'’s feelings.

That doesn'’t make me two-faced.

No, I make you two-faced.

Hey. Don'’t make me come back there.

Morgan.

Open the door. I really want to talk to you.

Well, I Don'’t want to talk to you.

I like your design for Daniel, I really do.

Please! That outfit looked like something

the San Diego chicken wore to the prom.

[ Cell phone rings]

Hello?

Oh, hi, Daniel.

Oh, Don'’t worry about Morgan, she'’s a professional.

She completely understands.

Yeah, she'’s just sobbing

because the bathroom light is so unflattering.

Uh, thanks for calling.

[ Muffled speech]

Really? That'’s great.

Okay, yeah, i'’ll meet you back at the office.

I know, I know, five minutes is all it'’s going to take.

Thank you. You are the best.

"You'’re the best."

If I ever sound that phony, just run backwards into a wall.

Who'’s that?

Her name'’s frisky.

And believe me, she is.

Oh, Salem, come on.

A trophy kitty?

That'’s right.

And by the way, Don'’t come a-knockin'’

if the trash can'’s a-rockin'’.

Got to go. Be sure to catch my show.

Whoa, what'’s with the guitar?

Well, you came up with that great idea for live music.

So I taught myself guitar.

I'’m going to sing my own songs.

Oh, dear god.

Uh, oh, you'’re going to sing on the radio?

Thanks to you. You probably saved my show.

You'’re a true friend.

Uh, roxie, wait.

[ Crunch]

Ow!

Hey. No biting!

Daniel, thanks so much for coming back for this interview.

We'’ve got about five minutes.

I'’m going to a gig.

Oh, you'’re performing tonight?

Not me. It'’s a friend of mine.

He'’s got a one-man show.

And i'’ve seen him act.

It'’s going to be a one-man audience, too.

So what are you going to say to him?

Probably the same thing I say every single time I see him act.

"Nigel, you'’re dreadful."

You'’d say that to him?

Yeah, he'’s my best friend.

What good would I be if I didn'’t tell him the truth?

Not good at all.

So, the interview?

Actually, instead of the interview

would you sing on my friend'’s radio show?

Look, you Don'’t understand.

If you Don'’t sing, she'’s going to sing one of her originals.

And the truth is, as a singer

she'’s a musical version of your friend Nigel.

Horrible, huh?

Well, I wouldn'’t say horrible...

I would.

So, will you do it?

Just Don'’t know if I have time.

Sure you do.

The radio station is right upstairs.

[ Bell rings]

Come on.

Oh, uh, hey, Cole.

Can you still do that cover story?

Really?

Yeah, I have more important things to take care of.

Yeah, sure, i'’ll give ozzy a call.

[ Bell dings]

You know, I could swear that was a bakery.

Oh, and tomorrow it'’ll be a butcher

and then a candlestick maker.

Hey, that'’s america.

[ Bell dings]

How long has that elevator been there?

Oh, save the chitchat for the beauty salon, ladies.

Now move along.

And then she stabbed me in the back.

You would never lie to me, would you?

No.

Look, Morgan, i'’m really sorry about this.

But i'’m on the air in 30 seconds.

Roxie, babe, you'’re on in one minute.

You lied to me, too.

Morgan, we'’re all friends. You, me, Sabrina.

Sabrina is not your friend, my friend. Not like me.

I told you right up front that your song sucks.

Okay, I know you Don'’t get my song.

But Sabrina said she liked it.

And she'’s in the music business.

I think I can trust her.

Roxie, Don'’t sing. Your song sucks.

What?

I'’m sorry, I Don'’t want

to hurt your feelings.

But isn'’t it worse if I lie to you?

Not at this point. We'’re on the air.

Hey, we'’ve got a show to do.

If you girls want to fight

you can do it in my Van later.

I appreciate your honesty

but you'’ve ruined my show.

I promised my listeners live music.

And they'’ll get it.

I brought Daniel bettingfield with me.

Daniel!

Oh, my god.

You brought Daniel bettingfield.

And he doesn'’t have a lot of time, so move.

And now, live from roxie'’s show

here'’s Daniel bettingfield.

Look, this is a really nice gesture

but we still have something to discuss.

Like, my song sucks.

Roxie, I only said I liked your song at first

because I was trying to be your friend.

But a true friend wouldn'’t do that.

I want you to be my Nigel.

Okay, who'’s Nigel?

It'’s a long British story.

But the point is, if we'’re going to be friends

then we have to be honest with each other, right?

Right?

I guess you'’re right.

And, Morgan, I owe you an apology, too.

Yes, you do.

There was nothing wrong with Daniel'’s outfit.

It just takes a certain kind of person to pull off feathers.

Yeah, a chicken plucker.

Look, Morgan, i'’m sorry. I think you'’re a great designer.

But I should'’ve been up front with you.

Daniel'’s outfit was awful.

Whew, you know, it feels good to be honest.

Well, as long as we'’re being honest.

You know, that carrot cake you made last week

that roxie and I were raving about?

Stink-o.

Great. Good.

And your pecan sandies?

They taste like you actually make them with sand.

Okay. I'’m glad you told me.

I see what you'’re saying.

In the long run, being honest

is going to make our friendship stronger.

And, Sabrina, sometimes...

You go a little heavy on the eyeliner.

Oh, and that blue shirt with the silver...

Okay, enough.

Friends Don'’t let friends get too friendly.

Hey. Where'’s frisky?

Uh, she was just using me.

Typical gold digger.

She wanted a Tiffany collar.

She would only eat out of the best bowls.

Well, you know, with that age difference

it'’s just a matter of a time

before you'’re sleeping on separate windowsills

each in your own ray of sunlight.

Hey, I Don'’t need a little sex kitten around

to make me feel young.

Good for you.

You want to watch some TV?

What, are you crazy? It'’s 8:30.

I'’m going to bed.

Night, pops.