Original subtitles

Good morning, Sabrina.

Hi, there.

Bye, there. I'’m off to work.

You'’re late for work again?

You better be careful, missy, or you'’ll get sick.

And for goodness sakes, put on a jacket.

And be sure to call and give us an idea

of when you'’ll be home.

Otherwise, i'’ll just sit up and worry.

Isn'’t that neckline a little low, young lady?

Guys, I appreciate your concern

but i'’m a grownup. I can take care of myself.

Fine, but it really is cold out there.

I can handle it.

Holy cheese and crackers!

Cold, cold, cold!

Now you want to come back in and get your coat?

I said I could handle it.

Oh, great.

How am I supposed to get my keys?

♪ Life'’s changing around me, and i'’m gonna make it mine ♪

♪ i'’m reaching out and living by my rules... ♪

♪ Time'’s moving way too fast ♪

♪ I wanna make it last...

♪ '’cause i'’m out on my own now ♪

♪ and I like the way it feels.

Oh, my neck is stiffer than my writing.

This is bad.

I'’ve been working '’round the clock.

Help me shake this writer'’s block.

Cool.

Not what I was going for, but this is nice, too.

[ Clears throat]

Oops.

How long have you been standing there?

Long enough to realize

that you are a very beautiful woman.

That was forward of me. I'’m sorry.

Oh, no, no. Don'’t be sorry.

Be continuing.

I'’m Victor.

Sabrina. Yeah, I just have this chair

because i'’m researching a story about loafing.

So are you a freelancer?

I own a record label

and I was just dropping off some promotional material.

Oh, well, then we have something in common:

You own a record label, and I own a label maker.

This is totally out of the blue

but do you have plans tonight?

Not really, except for writing and vibrating.

I own this gallery and we'’re having an opening tonight.

Would you like to join me?

Well, I was supposed to go for seafood

with my roommates.

I hear there'’s going to be really good food.

Let'’s see.

Going to a gallery opening with a handsome, single guy

or fighting with roxy

over a tiny bag of oyster crackers.

I'’ll buy you a sculpture.

Sold.

Hey, harv, what brings you by?

Nothing special.

I haven'’t seen you in a while

and I miss you.

What do you want to watch?

Canadian celebrity hockey.

I'’m going to get cable one of these days, I swear.

Well, watch away.

I'’m not even going to be here.

But I am.

Dr. Doolittle'’son tonight.

Something about a talking animal just cracks me up.

Looks like i'’m getting crow'’s feet right here.

Woops.

Why did that happen?

Who knows?

Do I have to explain everything?

Ever since you'’ve been on this "i'’m a grownup" kick

you'’ve hardly used your magic.

It'’s pent up and it'’s going to come out.

You know, i'’ve been doing fine without magic.

Maybe i'’ll just give it up.

Wait a minute.

How are you going to quit magic?

Go to witch watchers?

No, i'’ll just store it in this container.

I can'’t believe you'’d give up your magic.

It'’s so much a part of you.

I Don'’t really need it anymore

and lately, every time i'’ve tried to use it

like tonight at the office, I almost get busted.

You sure that'’ll hold it?

Yeah, tupperware'’s the only thing

that can hold magic.

They say Houdini died of "locked-in freshness."

There, good to the last drop.

And I know what you'’re thinking.

I Don'’t want you to go anywhere near this.

Oh, come on. Just a little?

I Don'’t want to be a cat anymore.

Harvey, you hold onto it.

Wow, it doesn'’t want to leave you.

Aw...

My magic goo has separation anxiety.

Come on, Salem.

We'’ll have a great time.

We'’ve got soda, we'’ve got popcorn

and we'’ve got four hours

of Canada'’s brightest TV stars playing hockey.

Hey, Harvey. Want to come to dinner with us?

It'’s this really fun seafood place.

The bathrooms are for wenches and mateys.

That sounds cool.

Alan thicke is about to sing "o, Canada."

You guys go ahead.

Actually, there'’s been a change of plans.

See, I met this guy

and he told me about an opening at an art gallery

with music and food.

Ah... We get what you'’re saying.

Good, '’cause I didn'’t want to disappoint you.

Oh, Don'’t worry.

We can go to dinner any old time.

We'’ll be ready to go in two minutes.

Guys...

Sabrina, it'’s okay.

We know how awkward it is to go to a party

where you Don'’t know anybody.

That'’s what we'’re here for.

And Don'’t worry.

I won'’t wear my best stuff so you'’ll still look pretty.

Sometimes, I swear they'’re two

of the most dense people I know.

I wonder if we'’ll ever have a Canadian president.

Maybe there'’s a gas leak in this house.

I got to say

this great gallery opening you wanted us to come to

kinda sucks.

Yeah, next time do us a favor.

Don'’t drag us to your artsy-fartsy parties.

Okay, well, you know, if this isn'’t your thing

you still have time to go to dinner without me.

No, I mean, we'’re here

and I did my hair and roxy put on deodorant.

Since we'’re stuck here amongst these losers

we should come up with a safe word.

Safe word?

You know, code word

in case we get cornered by some geek.

Or someone poor.

Okay. How about "zoo"?

Sabrina, the whole point of a safe word

is that it wouldn'’t come up in normal conversation.

Zoo won'’t work.

"This place is a zoo.

"What a zoo it is in here.

Sure, i'’ll make out at the monkey house at the zoo."

Okay, "kazoo." How'’s that?

Fine, kazoo.

Come on, roxy.

I'’ll teach you how to pick up a cater waiter.

So what do you think of the gallery?

Oh, I like this tangled chrome thingy.

Except it'’s too bad

somebody left their orange in it.

I think that'’s part of the sculpture.

Ooh, in that case

I may have just eaten a $6,000 banana.

Come on, buddy, pal, compadre.

How about sharing a little bit

of Sabrina'’s mojo with me?

Salem, Sabrina said no.

And I dated her. No means no.

Fine.

But if I had that magic

I could turn you into a Canadian celebrity

and you could be out there on that ice

having your teeth knocked out by k.D. Lang.

No!

This is much better, huh?

Much.

Yeah, this certainly is

the most comfortable piece of art I ever sat on.

So, do you choose all the pieces yourself?

Oh, no.

The gallery'’s just a side business.

My personal collection tends to be more eclectic.

Mine, too. I have 20 of the 50 state quarters.

Impressive.

Hey, let'’s get out of here.

Why Don'’t you come to my home

for an after party?

I'’m going to have a live band and really cool people

and I promise it'’ll be much better than this.

Well, okay.

I mean, after all, i'’ve already eaten all the art.

I need to tell somebody i'’m leaving.

Okay.

Hey, guys, listen...

Kazoo!

Oh, Don'’t you feel terrible for that poor supermodel outside

the way both of her straps

just snapped off like that?

Thank you.

Listen, Victor'’s having an after party at his house...

I can'’t go.

I'’ve got to get to the radio show.

Well, that'’s okay.

I'’ll bring back as much food

as I can stuff in my pockets.

Hello, Larry, curly.

You'’re not invited. Can'’t you guys take a hint?

Whoa.

And woe is me, too.

So you'’re going alone to a party

at this guy'’s house?

You Don'’t even know him.

Roxy'’s right.

You need someone to come along and watch your back.

It'’s called "the buddy system."

Okay, I Don'’t need a buddy, I Don'’t need a chaperone

and I Don'’t need you guys acting like my aunts.

I'’m an adult. I can take care of myself.

Ready?

Yeah. Look, i'’m sorry.

Whatever. Have fun.

Come on, Morgan.

Well, you have lipstick on your teeth

and I am not going to tell you.

Is everything all right?

Oh, yeah, you know,

nothing an arm can'’t take care of.

All this just so I can thumb-wrestle again.

Okay, let'’s make magic.

[ Gasping]

There'’s no stopping genius!

[ Gasps]

You are everything that I have been looking for.

On second thought

she can just buy herself the cd.

So, who'’s performing here tomorrow?

The three tenors.

Remind me

I have to stock the pantry full of luncheon meats.

Mr. Victor, I must congratulate you.

It is the rarest collection i'’ve seen yet.

Well, perhaps we can do business.

Let me walk you out.

Sabrina, please excuse me.

No problem.

Excuse me. Pardon.

Sorry, not cutting in. Just cutting through.

Oh, right, no magic.

I guess i'’ll have to do this with smarts

with know-how, with redial.

Got to love today'’s technology.

Whoa.

Oh, my!

[ Gasps]

Kazoo!

He wants to... cage me?

Oh, boy, we got a bright one.

Are you a real leprechaun? Heck, no.

I'’m just some short Irish guy

who happened to be caught drinking a shamrock shake.

Well, is everyone else in here a fake?

Well, I believe the mermaid has implants

but I know big foot'’s real.

Only thing Victor feeds him

is campers.

Well, when Victor said he was a collector, I had no idea.

I'’m going to free all of you, I swear.

But first I have to deal with this sicko.

I can'’t believe he has all 50 quarters!

Reversing a human-to-cat spell.

Make me human, make me whole.

I'’m sick of eating in front of my bowl.

Huh?

[ Groans]

Now the litter sand is going to get stuck between my toes.

There you are.

Hey. Where-where-where'’s everyone going?

Everyone left, you know?

Which is good, right, because, that...

Means you and I can be alone.

Yeah, that'’s great, but you know what?

I'’m feeling a little peckish.

I Don'’t suppose you have any crackers

or a cheeseburger would be great.

And if it'’s not too much trouble, a soufflé.

You know, i'’ll see what I have.

I think the goo goo dolls left some Sushi.

Oh, I like my Sushi well-done.

We'’re talking about girls who ditch their girlfriends

as soon as a guy comes along.

You'’re on the air. Were you ditched?

Roxie? It'’s me, Sabrina.

Oh, it'’s not the ditchee, it'’s the ditcher.

I need your help.

Of course you do. Now!

Seriously, rox, this guy'’s nuts.

Who, Mr. Cashmere-sock-wearing, art gallery after-party thrower?

Well, I didn'’t learn his last name, but it can'’t be thatlong.

He wants to add me to his gruesome collection.

That'’s right.

Put down the other girls if it makes you feel better.

Let'’s take another call.

No, roxie, Don'’t hang up on me.

[ Phone ringing]

Harvey, the phone!

What the heck is this?

Oh, uh, I was just making some homemade jam.

Zucchini jam.

Hello? morgan, it'’s me.

Oh. Well, if it isn'’t Suzie snooty society snob.

Okay, this is important... Tell Harvey

to come to Victor'’s party with the tupperware.

It'’s a tupperware party?

Just tell him. He'’ll know what I mean.

Victor is...

Extremely handsome

and hygienic, and he lives in that big house on post road

with the fountain full of peeing angels.

Who is that?

Oh, my, uh, answering machine.

Kazoo! Kazoo!

I was just saying hi to my cat.

Kazoo'’s a weird name for a cat.

Oh, then you Don'’t want to know about her sister flugelhorn.

Okay, well, this has been really great

but I really should get going.

No, that'’s not going to work for me.

Well, you know what they say... the guest is always right.

It'’s the customer.

Actually, I think it'’s the guest.

Why Don'’t we look it up and compare notes

tomorrow over the phone. See you!

You know, I have been searching everywhere for a witch.

India, Guam, Wichita...

And that seemed like a sure thing...

And then poof... You suddenly appear.

Witch. You think i'’m a witch?

Yeah, okay, sometimes when someone gets

in the express line with 11 items

I get a little cranky, but... If you'’re not a witch

then how did you make that massage chair magically appear?

I saw a guy on TV make the statue of Liberty disappear.

I mean... how do you explain that?

Victor, get real... If I Don'’t come home

my friends'’ll be here in no time to save me. Your friends?

You mean the two girls that you ditched at the gallery?

Hardly seemed like they were your friends.

Score!

I just Don'’t understand.

Well, hockey is a very complicated game.

No. Why are they showing this on TV?

Hey, rox. You okay?

I Don'’t know, Sabrina called me

at the radio station, and I blew her off.

I think she might have wanted to talk.

She couldn'’t have been too upset.

She called here to ask Harvey

to bring some tupperware to Victor'’s party.

That'’s a rave.

What? how did she sound?

Sick. Sneezing all over the place... kachoo! Kachoo!

Are you sure it wasn'’t "kazoo"?

Why would someone sneezing say...

Oopsy.

She was calling us for help, and we ignored her.

Sabrina'’s in trouble!

I'’ll get the tupperware.

Mmm, yum. I forgot how good this feels.

Salem, what happened?!

These little piggies went to the freak show!

Help me, Harvey. Okay.

Here'’s some magic.

Do something about that foot. It'’s disgusting.

I have to admit, it is unsightly.

Magic spell gone kaput.

Help me fix this ugly foot!

[ Gasps]

Hm. That'’s better.

You'’re making a mistake... I mean, if I was a witch

i'’d be able to magically cast a spell...

Silence!

Oh. Pizza'’s here.

Don'’t forgot about the crazy bread.

Yeah, well, I think he'’s already had

a few loaves of that already.

[ Groans]: This is all my fault.

My friends tried to warn me.

All they were doing was trying to protect me

and all I did was treat them like dirt.

If I didn'’t have friends, I wouldn'’t be able

to sneak on the rides at six flags.

[ Knocking on door]

Is Sabrina here?

No. I-I think she left with a goo goo doll.

There were party favors?

Sounds like

there'’s more than just one pizza boy up there.

Maybe it'’s my friends.

Okay, I got to think.

I got to come up with a plan.

I got to find out what kind of conditioner that mermaid uses.

See? Everyone'’s gone.

Oh, yeah? Well, I think you'’re lying.

Come on, you guys, let'’s go. I hate liars.

What was that?

Must have been the pipes.

And that?

Oh, you know, I just remembered.

My Moroccan friend is getting a bikini wax.

Victor... you like art, right?

Now, you know, a lot of people tell me

that I remind them of that painting

Venus on a half shell.

What do you think?

Venus? Yeah, maybe.

Well, you have to imagine me without my clothes.

I'’ll try.

I'’ve got to give her props.

She'’s a very accomplishedtart.

Go.

Sabrina?

All right, now undress me with your eyes.

No, the zipper'’s in the back.

Sabrina?

She must be in there.

And i'’mthe one with the drinking problem.

Ew!

Oh, that'’s right... It'’s diet goo.

Hey, Sabrina, are you okay?

I'’m fine.

Thanks, Harvey.

Oh, my god, it'’s so big and hairy!

Aw, Don'’t worry, Harvey, it'’s in a cage.

No. There'’s a spider.

Oh, come on, Harvey, let'’s blow this joint.

Going somewhere? Hey, Sabrina, I know you'’re all

grown up now and you Don'’t want to use your magic...

Yeah, whatever.

Look, Harvey

i'’ve learned something tonight.

There are two things i'’m very lucky to have...

My friends and my magic...

And I wouldn'’t give them up for anything.

I should have stuck with stamps!

I think my work here is done.

Wait. What about us?

Oh. Sorry. I completely forgot.

Uh, mermaid, sasquatch, back to your homes.

So, Angus, where would you like to go?

Well, I got a wife and 12 kids back in Ireland.

Ireland it is.

Wait. Are you nuts? Send me to Vegas.

Ireland it is.

I'’ll give ye some of me pot of gold.

Worth a shot.

Let'’s go.

Sabrina! Sabrina!

Roxie! Morgan!

I am so, so, so, so sorry.

I took you both for granted, I was a lousy friend

and I borrowed your clothes without telling you.

Wait, that wasn'’t part of it.

But i'’m really sorry about that, too.

Sabrina, it'’s okay, we forgive you.

We just want you to be happy and safe.

I know, I know. You guys are like my family.

Okay, okay

enough hugging... let'’s bolt.

Yeah, let'’s get out of here.

[ Chain saw revving]

Relax, I was just going to cut some fire wood.

Would you all please leave?

You know, you may be a witch, but you Don'’t impress me

with all your fairy dust sparkling.

Nice to have you back.

It was terrible! Do you know how hard it is

to shop for onesensible pump in a size 11-wide?

Not now, Salem. I'’m feeling miserable.

[ Sneezes] Yechh!

Sabrina, we'’re just on our way to...

Are you sick?

Yes, I am. Very.

I'’ll make chicken soup.

I'’ll get the thermometer.

Wait. We'’re doing it again.

Yeah, it'’s okay, do it.

Yep. We'’re being her aunts.

Be them.

See you later, Sabrina.

No. But i'’m feeling lousy here, guys.

Auntie Morgan!

Auntie roxie!

Auntie-histamine!