Original subtitles

And although he'’s played his last gig here on earth

screamin'’ Hank Walters will be joining

Hendrix, Elvis and maybe even Tupac

both: For an all-star jam session in rock and roll heaven.

Did you read this obituary before I turned it in?

No, no, i'’m reading the one you wrote last week.

Oh, right.

Well, it is an obituary.

It'’s not like they'’re going to complain.

Hey, it'’s no big deal.

I reuse the same photos over and over again.

Of course, I had to stop when people realized

queen latifah never fought Lennox Lewis.

You know, when I got this job

I thought I would be doing more interviews.

But i'’ve covered more dead rockers than vomit.

Can I just give you a little advice?

Go out

and find your own stories.

You write something decent, Annie will run it.

You write something indecent and she'’ll put it on the cover.

Well, if guess if I want to impress Annie

that'’s what i'’ll have to do.

You'’re right.

I'’m going to tell Annie I have written my last obituary.

Sabrina, get down to Boston general.

There'’s a rumor Keith Richards

is having chest pains.

Can'’t I wait till he goes to the morgue?

I have my own parking spot there.

♪ Life'’s changing around me, and i'’m gonna make it mine ♪

♪ i'’m reaching out and living by my rules... ♪

♪ Time'’s moving way too fast ♪

♪ I wanna make it last...

♪ '’cause i'’m out on my own now ♪

♪ and I like the way it feels.

What you'’re looking at now is the morganwear fall line.

I like these, but actually we'’re buying for spring right now.

Oh, not a problem.

And now you have scarves to match.

Whoa, cute headband.

That'’s a skirt.

I'’m guessing a great way to meet guys.

I-I'’m telling you

these designs will be flying off the rack.

Flyingoff the rack.

Oh, oh, that'’s our cue.

Oh, look.

I love this blouse.

Roxie, Don'’t you love this blouse?

Love it? I'’d like to be buried in it.

That'’s right, roxie.

'’cause morganwear works for every occasion.

Well, your friends seem to really like your stuff.

Morgan, are we almost through here?

I really should be out trying to dig up a story.

Actually

I really like your designs.

Let me finish this call and i'’ll place an order.

I sold something. I sold something.

I deserve a little treat.

What do you think, Lexus or Mercedes?

Uh, how about chipping in for groceries once in a while?

That'’s babette storm.

Oh, yeah.

She'’s in town shooting a film.

Wow, she looks even better in person.

Two words:

Bo, tox. Get out.

She'’s pushing 30... She'’s got to do something.

Hey, that'’s a great story.

What an actress has to do to stay in the game.

Now, how can I prove that she'’s using Botox?

Stick a safety pin in her forehead.

Oh, my god, did you see that?

She just shoplifted.

That'’s really sad.

Yeah, it is.

She stole from the clearance rack.

If I buy a box of thin mints, will you go away?

What if I had a story about someone

who was actually alive?

What have you got?

Well, I saw babette storm last night at a boutique

and let'’s just say she is no stranger

to the five-finger discount.

That means shoplifting.

Got any proof?

That means you'’re a real reporter.

Well, I saw it with my own two eyes.

Hey, five fingers, two eyes...

Maybe I can use that in my article.

Look, I have no doubt this woman is a thief, okay...

There is no other explanation for her Oscar...

But find a story you can back up.

Well, I know for a fact she'’s had Botox injections.

I think.

Come on, cheer up.

I can'’t help it, i'’m bummed.

Here I try to show my boss that I know what i'’m doing

and I end up looking like an amateur.

Why Don'’t you do what I do when i'’m feeling down?

Let strangers rub my belly?

[ Scoffs]

Order the champagne!

Monique just called.

She wants to double her initial order of morganwear.

Congratulations.

At least one of our careers is taking off.

Oh, Sabrina, I Don'’t have time

for the "Annie is evil" pep talk right now.

I have 50 outfits to deliver.

Oh, okay.

Annie is evil, you'’re great, hang in there.

Oh, I forget the best part.

I'’m thin and beautiful?

We'’re back to me now.

Babette storm

ordered one of my dresses

to wear to the press conference for her new film.

You might want to sew in a lojack.

She'’s picking it up at Monique'’s on Thursday at 1:00.

Now, because of this stupid cast

I am going to need help with the sewing.

Wait, she'’s going back to that boutique?

Maybe I have another shot at that story.

I just need proof.

Hey, guys, what'’s going on?

Hey, roxie, do you know how to sew?

Sew? A needle pulling thread?

Never mind.

How about you, Sabrina?

Do you want to work for me?

Not even if the job was testing pie.

All I need you to do is come with me to this boutique

so I can prove that babette storm is a shoplifter.

You know, bring your camera, just sort of skulk around.

Now, wait a minute.

They tend to keep an eye on a brother

just skulking around in a ritzy women'’s boutique.

Fine, then give me your camera.

I broke mine trying to kill a spider.

Maybe you do deserve a break.

Actually, you remind me of myself when I came here.

Young, naive, desperate to succeed.

I'’m not desperate to succeed.[ Scoffs]

That is so not me.

[ Chuckling]

Please help me, James. Please.

Okay, i'’ll help you.

Thank you.

You know, uh, i'’ve done surveillance before.

Dangerous stuff.

Sean penn whacked me right here.

P. Diddy slapped me right here.

Celine Dion got me right here.

She hit you?

No, it'’s the titanictheme.

It-it chokes me up.

Welcome to morganwear.

Congratulations.

You girls have the thrill of working for a vibrant

cutting edge company focused on generation now.

Now, Don'’t be threatened working for someone so much younger

and more beautiful than you.

Oh, please!

When I was her age

I had a rack you could bounce a wing nut off of.

Where'’d you pick up the bridge game?

This is my new work force.

They'’re day laborers.

I found them hanging out in front of the fabric store.

We were waiting for a bus to Atlantic city!

You know, Morgan, this looks like unfair labor practice.

You can'’t hold people against their will.

No, not all of them.

I started with eight.

Oh, there she is.

Really? She Don'’t look like a thief.

She also doesn'’t look like Harriet tubman

but that didn'’t stop her

from playing the part in that one-woman show.

Okay, wander over that way

and pretend like you Don'’t know me.

Right. We all got Annie'’s memo about that.

Oh, this is kind of nice.

[ Clears throat]: Would-would this look good on me?

Uh, are you asking me?

Yeah.

Be honest.

Well, it'’s a little "get out of the trailer

there'’s a twister a'’comin'’."

Oh, you'’re right.

Um, but, you know

this blouse would look great on you.

And, at this price, it'’s a steal.

I mean a bargain.

That'’s gorgeous.

You have very good taste.

Really? Thanks.

Would you mind telling my boss that

and my roommates and, well, actually

could I get it in writing?[ Laughs]

I'’m babette.

My friends call me babs.

I'’m Sabrina.

My friends call me sabs.Oh.

They Don'’t really. Oh.

You know, it'’s so rare

that I meet someone down to earth and honest like you.

Would you mind helping me pick out a few things?

Really?

Sure.

And, you have to get that blouse.

My treat.

Okay, then i'’ll just try on this one little blouse.

And this.

Ooh, I love this.

'’cause actually, you all about the same size.

Could you, uh, could you try this on for me?

You sure your mother wants this for her birthday?

Oh, yeah.

Psst. Psst.

Psst.

May I help you?

Uh, do you have any changing rooms?

You were standing right by them.

Ah.

Some of these women are so dumb.

Hmm.

Okay, i'’ll try on the Teddy for you.

Thank you.

James, pay attention.

I'’m working, i'’m working.

I love buying clothes

but I hate trying them on, Don'’t you?

It takes so long.

Tell me about it.

First you'’ve got to try stuff on.

Take them off.

And then if you need another size

you'’ve got to go back and get another one.

Now it'’s small and overpriced.

Oh, i'’d look terrible in this one.

I doubt that. You'’d look great in anything.

No, seriously, this one would make me look like a cow.

It can'’t be that bad.

Let me try.

Uh, I see what you mean.

[ Mooing]

What?

I said, "ew, you'’re right."

Any luck?

Uh, no, everything was either too clingy

too floofy, or two paychecks.

How about you?

No, struck out.

Really, huh?

So, listen, do you want to grab a bite?

You want to go to lunch with me?

Sure.

I just, I feel like I have this connection with you.

And it'’ll be fun.

Well, I guess I could go to lunch.

I already packed mine

but Bologna keeps for a couple days.

Afterwards, maybe we'’ll swing by my spa.

We'’ll make a day of it.

Come on.

Look, babette...

I have to be honest with you.

I'’m a reporter for scorchmagazine.

And that guy over there, he'’s a photographer.

We'’re working on an article

about you being a shoplifter.

At least I am.

What are you talking about?

I saw you take something from here the other day.

I Don'’t want you to ruin your career

over some trendy blouse that'’ll look stupid in two weeks

so just put the stuff back and i'’ll forget about the article.

You guys in the media are all alike.

You try to tear us down

to make your own lives seem less pathetic.

I said i'’m not going to write the article.

And what makes you think i'’m pathetic, the Bologna?

It'’s not like I fry it.

Ms. Storm, is this woman disturbing you?

Oh, i'’ll be fine.

Just get the dress I ordered so I can go.

Do not bother the famous people.

Monique: I think you'’d better leave.

James!

My name is dieter

und I Don'’t know this woman.

Well, at least let me get my stuff.

[ Sighing dramatically]

I'’m really sorry, Ms. Storm.

Please, consider this a gift from us.

Thank you.

She was going to take it anyway.

I'’m telling you, she'’s got stuff in that bag.

She'’s ripping you off.

Listen, if she had jacked merchandise

bells would be ringing

and Gary Coleman would be searching her bags.

Come on.

And please Don'’t tell anybody what happened.

I really want to keep this very quiet.

[ Alarm sounding]

I didn'’t... I swear.

James, a little help.

Okay, but they'’re going to do this for free

down at the precinct.

Good morning, Cole.

Hey, how you doing, Sabrina?

How'’s it going?

So, you heard.

I have no idea what you'’re talking about.

Okay, i'’m innocent!

Just so you know

I just got off the phone with our publisher

about your little escapade.

He screamed for five minutes.

He'’s pretty upset, huh?

Well, he was getting a deep tissue massage

but for some reason he won'’t let me fire you.

It'’s like you have some kind of spell on him.

I Don'’t.

Oh, wait, hang on.

No, I really Don'’t.

You are very lucky you are not in jail right now.

Yeah, '’cause i'’d really hate to miss the fall colors.

Sorry. Thanks for getting me off the hook.

Yeah, well, you are on borrowed time.

Well, I was set up!

She pretended to be my friend.

She'’s a much better actor in real life

than she is on the screen.

Can I just give you some advice?

Journalism rule number one:

Never get too close to your subject.

Rule number two: Never shoplift on company time.

You actually think I stole something?

Sabrina, it'’s cool.

Everyone knows what Jonathan pays you.

You do what you got to do.

Okay, first, I didn'’t do

and second, everyone knows what I make?

Yeah. But hang in there.

Congress is going to raise it next year.

James, hey, you were there with me.

You know I didn'’t steal anything, right?

Hey, hey, relax.

Just ignore them, okay?

You and I both know what happened.

Besides, the camera Don'’t lie.

Thanks.

Aha. This came out way better than I thought.

James...!

Hey, i'’ve never been a bad girl before.

I look kind of hot.

I Don'’t hear sewing machines.

Come on, ladies, back to work.

But we were watching our stories.

Yeah, yeah.

You'’ll be seeing the guiding lightsoon enough.

Come on, let'’s go.

What are you doing home?

I had to leave work.

I wanted a peaceful lunch without people leering at me

like I was going to steal their pickle.

Sabrina, Sabrina

do you understand the consequences of your actions?

What if babette storm found out that we were roommates

and decided not to wear the dress to her press conference?

Oh, i'’m sorry, Morgan. I was only thinking of myself.

Thank god you have me as a role model.

Hey, there'’s my favorite cause.

Oh, roxie, thank you.

I can'’t believe you went out and had a t-shirt made up just for me.

Well, actually, I had it since I was a kid.

It used to say "Willy," but I scraped it off.

That'’s how much I believe in you.

Well, it could be worse, I suppose.

It could say "spay and neuter your Sabrina."

Come on, Sabrina.

Get even with this cheap tramp actress.

Call up the news stations.

Post the truth on our website.

Maybe you'’re right.

Maybe she has some other deep, dark secret I could dredge up.

[ Typing]

Here she is... look at this.

Four years ago she was arrested for shoplifting.

Whoa, how do you steal a tanning bed?

Oh, first she stole a truck.

The charges were dropped.

But I bet I could use all this

to force a confession from babette.

Where is she now?

Look, it'’s her trailer from the movie set.

And there she is.

What'’s she doing?

What do you think? She'’s stealing cable.

Just leave my lunch and go.

No, i'’m here to talk.

Oh. It'’s you.

What are we doing, hee-haw: The movie?

Are you ready to apologize?

Apologize? I was trying to keep you

from getting into trouble.

Now everybody thinks i'’m a thief and a liar

and an "a" cup.

I was stealing that bra for my sister.

You think just '’cause you'’re a big star

that laws Don'’t apply to you, Carla Bernstein?

You know, you could have gotten me fired.

You could have ruined my career

and I am fully capable of doing that on my own.

Look, I-I-I didn'’t mean to get you in trouble.

Would it help if I called your boss

and set everything straight?

Actually, that would be great.

And while you'’re at it, could you tell her

you'’ll let me do a feature on you for the magazine?

And you know, you never did buy me that blouse.

Let'’s start with your boss.

Dial the number and i'’ll get on.

I'’ll just be in my trailer.

Thank you.

[ Phone beeping]

Hi, Annie? Sabrina.

Spellman. The new girl?

Babette storm has something she wants to say to you.

Hold on a sec.

Babette?

Babs?

Ellie may?

Excuse me, ma'’am.

We just got a call that someone stole Ms. Storm'’s cell phone.

Can I see that?

Annie?

Yeah, she'’ll have to get back to you.

You are an embarrassment to this magazine.

In my defense, you thought that before this happened.

She set me up.

Why would I steal a cell phone? I have my own cell phone

with way more minutes than anybody could possibly need.

Of course, they'’re mostly nighttime and weekend minutes

but you know...

Please.

What i'’m saying is I didn'’t do it.

Jonathan has managed to pull a few strings

and Ms. Storm has agreed not to press charges

as long as you get help.

Help?

Help.

You must be new here. Welcome to klept-anon.

I'’m cliff.

Fell off the wagon at Macy'’s on the way here.

Think of it as a 100%-off sale.

Here, grab some coffee. We'’re about to get started.

Everyone, we have a new member joining our group tonight.

Would you like to introduce yourself?

Hi. I'’m s-uh, sabs.

Jane sabs.

And i'’m definitely not a kleptomaniac.

[ Skeptical groaning]

I'’m not!

Jane, we'’ve all been in denial

but sooner or later you'’ve got to confront your demons.

Oh, i'’ve confronted demons.

Big hairy demons like you'’ve never dreamt of.

But right now, the demon I need to confront is babette storm.

[ Gasping]

You know babette storm?

I love her.

I-I-I'’ve been to all of her movies.

All right, I snuck in, but...

She is a thief and a liar

and she was horrible as a submarine captain

in that movie courage underwater.

Yeah, well, she'’s the one that belongs here.

I'’m going to prove it.

Oh. Sorry.

I have one just like it at home, I swear.

Hewwo, wittle Salem.

Granny may got you some very special kitty candy.

Oh, thanks, sweetheart.

Oops.

Did you just speak?

Uh... no. It'’s the dementia setting in.

[ Chuckling]: Oh, thank god.

It'’s like a kiln in here.

You'’re running a sweatshop.

These conditions are deplorable.

Oh, please, it'’s good for them.

It keeps them sharp.

Oh, Jeanette, Don'’t eat the thread.

Workers have rights, too, you know.

Come on, girls, you Don'’t have to take this.

Let'’s stage a walkout.

Oh, nice try, rabble-rouser.

They'’re not walking out on me.

I'’ve got their support hose.

So, in sum, i'’d say never always

is a story of hope, redemption and love.

Plus, you get to see my buns.

[ Chuckling]

Excuse me, excuse me...

Press coming through.

We'’re all press.

Okay, then shortest to the tallest.

You always seem to bring out the best in your co-stars.

How do you do it?

Acting is like life.

I always try to give more than I take.

Give me a break. I got a question.

Are you a shoplifter?

Anyway... i'’ve played many different roles

and preparing for them

is always about the search for truth.

Kind of how I live my life.

Ugh. Anybody got a shovel?

Could you sit down?

Okay, it'’s time for some straight answers.

Whisper, mumble, scream and shout

let the honest truth come out.

What was it like working with

the up-and-coming star Billy pape?

Oh, a dear, dear person.

Aside from his limited acting skills

and unlimited body odor.

Um, is it true that you stole several garments

from the Monique store?

I cannot tell a lie.

For some inexplicable reason, yes.

[ Giggles]: Yes, I did.

And on Thursday, did you put clothes in my bag

after I warned you that I was a reporter

doing a story about your shoplifting?

Uh... guilty.

That'’s all I got.

What else can you tell us about Ms. Storm?

Sorry, journalism rule number one:

Never give up an exclusive story.

I thought rule number one was never get too close...

Okay, so, I haven'’t memorized all the rules.

[ Clamoring]

And then I said, "sorry.

Never give up an exclusive interview"

and I ran right here.

Yeah, we know.

The press conference was Webcast.

Really.

Want to see what you missed

by running here with your "exclusive"?

Oh, my god.

Billy pape showed up?

The lead in the film was originally Julia Roberts

but I gave her food poisoning

forcing her to bow out at the last minute.

[ Giggling]: I also cheat on my taxes.

And my husband.

And I altered my father'’s will

when I found out he left all his money to charity.

You see how your shoplifting story

kind of pales compared to this?

Nice going.

Don'’t hate me '’cause i'’m her favorite.

What, you got another rule for me?

Well, since you asked.

Journalism rule number four:

Never yell "stop the presses" unless you'’re stuck in them.

So, I really blew it.

Look, your instincts were right.

You broke a big story.

You just... broke it for 20 other writers.

You'’re going to do great.

Hey, listen, I had a rough start, too.

I mean, it took Annie about a year

before she stopped picking on me.

Well, what changed?

You showed up.

Finally someone appreciates me.

Now that all your workers walked out

how are you going to fill your orders?

Oh, I found even cheaper labor.

Oh... wait till peta hears about this.