All language subtitles for Sabrina.The.Teenage.Witch.S07E02.The.Big.Head.WEB-DL.DDP2.0.H.264-squalor_track3_[eng]

Okay, Salem, i'’m off.
You know the rules.

Yeah, yeah.

No more sleeping in bras.

I'’m serious... you
talk in front of a mortal

you'’re looking at another 100
years trapped in a cat'’s body.

[ Groans]

See you later, guys.

There'’s our girl...

Off to her first day of work.

They grow up so
fast, Don'’t they?

Now, we know you'’re
going to be busy

so roxie made you a sack lunch.

Guys, i'’m just going
to my first day at work

not my first day
of kindergarten.

Hey, where'’s my juice box?

So, nervous?

Not really. I'’ve been a
reporter for a while now.

You were an intern.

And this is a magazine.

It'’s totally different
than a newspaper

it has color pictures.

Guys, it'’s just
a job, you know?

Interviewing famous rock stars

hanging out with celebrities

staying ahead of trends

working with people
with more experience...

Oh, my god. Bag.

[ Wheezing]

Ugh! Tuna.

You'’re going to be great.

Just be yourself.

Or someone slightly
more interesting.

You'’re right. I'’m fine.

Salem, get off my jacket.

You ready to knock '’em dead?

Yep.

I feel confident.

My hair looks good,
my outfit looks good.

Everything'’s going to be...

Good.

Sabrina...

What?

Watch your back.

You'’re so sweet.

♪ Life'’s changing around me,
and i'’m gonna make it mine ♪

♪ i'’m reaching out and
living by my rules... ♪

♪ Time'’s moving way too fast ♪

♪ I wanna make it last...

♪ '’cause i'’m out
on my own now ♪

♪ and I like the way it feels.

Yeah, agua.

Where would we be without it?

Well, I guess
we'’d pee a lot less.

New girl'’s got a naughty mouth.

I like that.

Listen, i'’m supposed
to be meeting with Annie

but i'’ve been waiting so long

I might need to
shave my legs again.

Annie'’s concept of
time is a little fluid.

You probably have
time to grab a latte...

Or grow a redwood.

First day, huh?

Yeah. You know, first
days are kind of hard.

Lots of questions...
What am I supposed to do

where do I park, who
do I eat lunch with?

I'’ll eat lunch with you.

Oh, actually, that
was sort of rhetorical.

I brought my lunch.

Oh, your mom packs
your lunch too, huh?

So, uh, Leonard, right?

What do you... do here?

Oh, i'’m, uh... I'’m the
publisher'’s right-hand man.

His go-to guy.

His vice president
of i'’m-losing-my-mind

help-me-put-my-pants-on.

He sells ad space.

Oh, Leonard, by the
way, we need more toner.

I do... many things.

Uh, listen, I think i'’m just going
to go knock on Annie'’s door.

No, what I really
am is the idea guy.

Like my idea

for the limp bizkit
scratch-n-sniff centerfold.

Awesome, you know?

Maybe if it smelled
like biscuits.

Might smell like biscuits.

[ Knocks on door]

Um, excuse me. Hi.
I'’ve been waiting out here

for our meeting and
I suddenly thought...

Sit. Exactly.

So, um, we met the other day.

You'’re the senior
editor, right?

You'’re very close.

I knew you were up there

'’cause you have this
amazing self-confidence.

You'’re sitting very close;
You'’re practically on my lap.

Gotcha. I'’m a little nervous

see, this job came
out of nowhere

and while i'’m excited about
it, I also Don'’t know what it is

and i'’m sure
once I stop talking

you'’ll explain it to me.

Here'’s the deal.

Scorchmagazine
focuses on everything

and anything
that'’s cutting edge

with an emphasis on music.

Jonathan culver, our publisher

thinks you'’d bring a fresh
perspective to the magazine.

But I do have a
fresh perspective.

I mean, i'’m beyond
fresh... i'’m ripe.

But that'’s mostly
from being nervous.

So, uh, what'’s my
first assignment?

Why Don'’t you go see if
the intern wants some water?

Uh, wait a minute. I'’m
here to be a reporter.

I mean, there'’s got to
be something I can report.

Ooh, what about this?

Nope. That'’s taken.

By whom?

Me, I just took it.

Oh, come on

you actually expect me
to allow an unproven writer

to interview a major
rock star on her first day?

Come on, I know you
have low expectations of me

and I promise i'’ll meet them.

I mean, exceed them.

All right, fine.

Your first assignment...

You and our photographer, James

are going to the cape
to do a profile on strum.

You do know who strum is?

Oh, sure, the
musician. I love him.

You know, I saw that film
he did with Jakob Dylan...

Strum and strummer?

[ Laughs]

Okay, the humor
thing, the witty banter?

I Don'’t do it.

Okay, right.

No humor, no jokes.

I won'’t even say "knock
knock" when I enter.

Did I read about you?

Are you the little girl
who couldn'’t smile?

Salem: Since I can'’t ask
you for the cream cheese

i'’m going to stare at
you till you give it up.

I hate when this
cat stares at me.

At least you'’ve got
the end with eyes.

You know, he jumps on the table

he gets on the couch...

Sabrina'’s aunts gave him

way too much leeway.

We have got to discipline him.

Look, Morgan, you'’re
not an animal person.

If he'’s on the table, just say

♪ kitty, get off the table. ♪

Yeah. Look at me scamper.

See?

We'’re just going
to have to train him.

He'’s a cat, Morgan.

You Don'’t train cats.

You just live with them in
case you never get married.

Well, we'’ll see about that.

It'’s time to learn some manners,
Mr. Hair- all-over-the-place.

You should talk...

You got enough mustache
to be an assistant coach.

So, Mr. Strum spent so much
money building a personal gym

he couldn'’t afford a watch?

I tell you, this place
really takes me back.

You know, I used to
be a personal trainer?

Really?

Yeah. Watch yourself.

All right, well, they changed
the equipment since then.

I'’m so sorry i'’m late.

What'’s up, dawg?
How'’s it going?

It'’s been a long time.

Yeah, too long...
The pool'’s filthy.

Oh, no, uh, strum.

This is James, our photographer

and i'’m Sabrina
spellman, the reporter.

I have all your cds.

Well, actually, they'’re mp3s

I downloaded off...

Okay, let'’s get
straight to the interview.

So, um, I understand
you'’re in the studio

working on a new cd.

Do you have a title?

Move.

Oh, that'’s cool.

No, sweetheart; Move.

I can'’t see myself.

Sorry.

Sweat, please.

Sneeze coming.

[ Sneezes]

Now get out of here with that!

And Don'’t let me
catch that on eBay!

Uh, so, strum, who were
your musical influences?

Well, i'’d have to say
my biggest influence

was the early Brian ardmore.

Oh. I'’m not familiar
with Brian ardmore.

That was me before
I changed my name.

Dude...

If you'’re not going
to take pictures

you might as well
clean the pool.

I mean, i'’m not doing
this for my health.

Excuse me, these weights
aren'’t going to lift themselves.

Do you think you can
fit that ego in the shot?

If I take it from the hubble.

After Salem turned
my latest fashion design

into a scratching post

I decided to buy the
ultimate cat training system.

Nice, but I believe it'’s
pearls that go with basic black.

How is a crummy cat collar

going to keep him
off the furniture?

Oh, that'’s no ordinary collar.

As soon as he jumps
on the furniture...

[ Buzzing][ Screeches]

Morgan!

Relax, it'’s perfectly humane.

It says right here...
"not tested on animals."

You sadistic ditz!

Sabrina will never stand

for this.

Well, I finished my article
on strum, and I got to say

i'’m usually my own
worst critic but it'’s perfect.

And when Annie sees this

she'’s going to be thrilled
that I was forced on her.

Morgan: Listen, Sabrina

would you mind if we
started training the cat?

Of course she'’d mind.

Tell her, Sabrina.

Yeah, sure, whatever.

Salem: Huh?

[ Buzzing]No!

I think you had it set too high.

I had it on "cat."

[ Beeps]

Oh, "cattle."

[ Moaning]

Hey, what'’s going on?

I'’m so excited... I just
handed in my article to Annie.

I hope she likes it.

What am I saying?
I hope she loves it!

Oh, i'’m Sabrina, by the way.

Oh. Cole Harper.

Right, you used to write
for rolling stonemagazine.

I'’ve been reading your
articles since I was in high...

Hi! How ya doin'’?

Good, good.

So, I see you made
yourself at home.

Yeah, just settling in.

So, where do you sit?

Well, right now,
someone'’s at my desk

so i'’m just kind of floating.

Don'’t you hate that?

I haven'’t been
given a desk yet.

I have.

And you'’re in it.

Oh... i'’m so sorry.

Nobody'’s told me where
i'’m supposed to sit yet.

Well, that may not be necessary.

We can'’t use this.

Well, what'’s wrong with it?

It'’s a puff piece, a love
letter... I could have used

the fourth paragraph
to sweeten my coffee.

Well, you know, if
you had kept reading

you would have noticed
that I mentioned he was late

and that his pool was cloudy.

Nice, nice, very nice.

Thank you, that'’s
what I thought.

No, you used the word "nice"
three times in one paragraph.

Look, strum is a big star.

What was I supposed to say

that he was the most pompous

arrogant jerk i'’ve ever met?

Well, i'’d read that.

Right.

Seriously, people want to know

what celebrities
are really like.

So, i'’m just supposed
to be brutally honest?

Which may be hard
for someone like you.

Oh, I can do it if I have to.

In fact, i'’m going to
go in there right now

and tell Annie exactly
what I think of her.

Or I could just
rewrite this article.

[ Upbeat rock music plays]

Done!

Whew! I'’m fried.

Oh, you'’refried?

I smell like a bad perm!

[ Coughs]

"The ego has landed,"
by Sabrina spellman.

"Conceit of his
pants..." clever.

"Strum'’s so vain

he probably thinks
this article'’s about him."

Good one.

Yeah, wait till
you get to the part

about him bending over
backwards to kiss his own butt.

So, I guess now that
you'’ve been published

we should actually
give you a desk.

Why Don'’t you take
that one right there?

Really?

Great. Wow.

I finally feel like
i'’m finally here.

I want herfired!

Well, it was nice
while it lasted.

No one is getting fired.

I stand by my writer.

I'’m not going to silence her.

Thank you.

Shut up.

If you Don'’t fire
her, then i'’ll tell

every one of my music-industry
friends never to talk

to your magazine again.

Oh, well, that'’s
just two interviews

we'’re going to
have to do without.

You won'’t fire her?

Then, i'’ll sue!

Sue away. My editor
stands by my story.

Okay, how about if she prints
a retraction in the next issue?

What? I'’m not
writing a retraction.

Well, i'’m not getting sued.

How about a public apology?

Sabrina: Wait a minute.

Yeah, would that work? No.

How about on stage at
tomorrow'’s concert? Hello?

Maybe she could be dancing
in a big tub of bean dip.

Oh, right, I went too far.

Deal!

I'’ll see you on stage.

Thanks, guys.

This was a great day
for the first amendment.

Is anybodylistening to me?

I am, Sabrina.

I'’m here for you.

Anybody at all?

Here, Salem, it'’s all yours.

I'’m too worked up to eat.

Oh, no.

I'’m not chomping
on any furniture.

Your friends broke me.

Well, at least now you'’ll
stop throwing out your hip.

Are you still mumbling to yourself
about this whole apology thing?

This really stinks.

I mean, if I apologize

then I give up
everything I believe in

and if I Don'’t, the only thing
i'’ll be writing is bad checks.

Oh, please, it'’s a no-brainer.

To be on stage with strum?

I'’d give up anything,
including my dignity.

Well, you gave that
up when you appeared

in girls gone wild 8.

Look, Sabrina,
how would you feel

if you got up on that stage

and let everyone in the
world see you grovel?

Demeaned, degraded,
De-not-very-happy.

Then, there you go.

Thanks, roxie.

[ Morgan clears throat]

While you'’re handing out thanks

how about thanking the person
that'’s been training your cat

all week?

Salem... bring me my mascara.

Prepare to be amazed.

[ Chuckles]

Sabrina: Wow.

Talk about whipped.

Thank you, Salem.

Who'’s my good boy?

[ Crying]

Annie, i'’ve got
something to tell you.

I'’ve given this
a lot of thought

and i'’ve decided i'’m not going
to go through with the apology.

Fine. Fine?

Fine. "fine" as in
you'’re fine with it

or "fine" as in,
"find another job"?

Well, that'’s not
really up to me

but i'’ll let Jonathan
know of your decision.

Well, uh, maybe I
should go tell Jonathan.

That way, you can stay here
and continue frightening people.

You can'’t speak with Jonathan.

He sets the bar for
trends around here

and right now,
human contact is out.

Fine. Well, I just wanted

to let you know i'’m
not apologizing to strum.

Yeah, I heard
you the first time.

Good.

Then, i'’ve said everything I
came in here to say... twice.

James: Hey, listen,
Sabrina, have you decided

what you'’re going to
wear to the concert tonight?

'’cause whenever my
girlfriends have to apologize

I find a halter top puts me
in a very forgiving mood.

What makes you think
i'’m going to apologize...

And whatever happened

to standing up for
what you believe in?

Well, actually, nothing

if you'’re Nelson
Mandela or Mother Teresa

but we ain'’t saving the
lives of starving people, here.

We'’re just telling them

what to dance to.

Just between you and me,
very smart move giving in.

Took me six months to learn

that if you Don'’t fight them
when they'’re pantsing you

they Don'’t run
them up the flagpole.

Kids can be so cruel.

Oh, yeah...

And 13-year-olds are much
bigger than they used to be.

Hey, when you do
this apology thing...

I'’m not doing it!

Really? Wow.

I mean, when I first started
out as a reporter, I was idealistic.

I wanted to free
political prisoners

save the ozone...
Expose corruption.

Then I decided I
wanted a Harley more.

You sold out that easily?

Well, compromise is
part of the business.

What are you talking about?

I mean, you'’re the
one who got me into this.

You told me to
be brutally honest.

Brutal honesty has its place

but then again... so
does keeping your job.

Listen, Annie,
about the apology...

Yes?

Do you know a good
place to buy a halter top?

Uh... just out of curiosity

how come there weren'’t
any whitecats on death row?

[ Screaming]

[ Gasping]

[ Whimpers]

Wonder if I can
flip this cushion.

[ Crowd chanting]: Strum!

Okay, can we do this?

Sounds like the audience
is getting a little impatient.

That'’s not the audience.

Just part of my
pre-concert ritual.

[ Chanting stops]

Oh, speaking of which, my pills.

Oh, perfect, all the rock-star
elements... the ego, the drugs.

All that'’s missing is a brief,
loveless marriage to j. Lo.

It was an antihistamine, honey.

[ Chuckling]: I'’m allergic
to the flowers I-I sent myself.

All right, can we
get this over with?

I still have a tiny shred of
dignity lodged behind my spleen.

Hey, I like the halter.

Oops, there it goes.

Man: Let'’s go!
They'’re waiting!

Well, go on.

Get the girls
screaming for me, okay?

Oh, uh, I had an idea.

[ Door closes]

You know, saying you'’re sorry
may not have enough impact.

So, i'’m going to roll up a
copy of this scorchmagazine

you'’ll bend over and
i'’ll spank you with it.

It'’s great!

Oh, that'’s it. Forget
it. I'’m not doing it.

Excuse me?

Well, i'’m not apologizing

and i'’m not letting
anyone spank me on stage.

Well, maybe if it was Dave
Matthews and it was more of a love tap.

I'’m sorry, are
you still talking?

Why should I compromise my
self-respect just for some job?

Everything I wrote
about you is true.

You'’re a narcissistic,
arrogant jerk

and I never met anyone
with such a big head.

Excuse me, you'’re confusing
a big head with self-confidence.

Now, move it. [ Whaps]

Oh, now you'’ve done it.

Make this blowhard realize
his empty head is super-sized.

Time to give these mall
rats the minimum effort!

They'’re going to be talking
about this concert for years.

Hello, Boston!

[ Thud]

That'’s weird.

My head...

It'’s huge!

[ Sneezes]

Darn allergies!

Or maybe your mind'’s
trying to tell you something.

Maybe this wouldn'’t be
happening if you weren'’t so arrogant.

Have you ever
tried being humble?

Yeah, for about two weeks

and then all of a
sudden I found out

somebody already had that name.

Man: Come on, strum!

The crowd'’s getting restless!

Okay, well, good luck.

Well, wait, wait!

You got to help me!

What am I going to do?

I'’d start recognizing that there
are other people in this world.

I know there'’s other people!

I mean, some of
them bring me things.

Okay, I-I guess some
of my success comes

from those who write my songs.

It'’s working.

And I guess it wasn'’t right

to demand all the royalties

from those beginner
guitar books.

Good...

And perhaps it wasn'’t
right to tell Muhammad Ali

that i'’mactually
the greatest...

Although I bet I could take him.

Okay, maybe not.

Oh, look at that...
Back to normal.

Now, forget the inflated head;
Remember the ego lesson instead.

Ooh! Not a hair out of place!

Thank god!

Oh, yeah... Thank you, too.

I guess we can let the
apology slide for now.

Thanks.

But if you'’re up for
a private spanking

the show'’s over after midnight.

Oh, bummer, i'’m already
booked for a wedgie at 11:30.

[ Zapping]

[ Grunting]

Come on, red...

It'’s payback time.

Good kitty... Not
on the furniture...

And for being so good

I am going to give you
an extra-special treat.

And i'’m going to help them
pull you down off the moon!

You can join me on the couch.

What?

Now, I am going to go
get some popcorn for me

and some liver treats for you.

I'’ll be right back.

[ Both grunting]

Relax.

Mama says it'’s okayto
be on the furniture now.

[ Whimpering]

No!

[ Zapping/salem screaming]

Oh, good, you'’re here.

Look, I just wanted
to let you know

that I didn'’t apologize
at strum'’s concert tonight.

He wanted to spank me with
a rolled-up copy of scorch.

Anyway, to make
a long story short...

Someone else would
have to be telling it?

Anyway, I just wanted
you to hear it from me.

Nice going.

Really? Thanks.

Wait, let me try that again
with a little more sarcasm.

Nice going.

Since you'’re too high and
mighty to take one for the team

we missed out on a
ton of free publicity.

Now, I have to finish
passing out these memos.

Well, clearly, hiring me
was a failed experiment.

So, tell Jonathan,
"thanks for the chance

and sorry it didn'’t work out."

Right. See you tomorrow.

Wait.

I'’m fired, right?

I mean, that was
my farewell speech.

And it needs work.

Jonathan hired you, only
Jonathan can fire you...

And frankly, I
wouldn'’t get rid of you

for all the gin in hyannis port.

I-I-I Don'’t know
what you'’re saying

but the gin comment
explains a lot.

Look, i'’m the kind of person

who likes car wrecks,
explosions and reality television

and you are this
bizarre combination

of all of those.

I am going to look
forward every day

to seeing what kind of disaster
you can create for yourself.

Oh, you have no idea.

I am like an
earthquake at Legoland.

There was this
one time when I...

Too close, right? Too close.

Oh, quit complaining,
you big baby.

It wasn'’t that bad.

Tell that to the piece of charcoal
that used to be my thyroid.

I know you had a difficult week

but I hope you
learned something.

I did... how to
stay off the couch

and how to poop
in a size-eight pump.

What?! roxie and Morgan: Salem!

Ha! I'’m out of here!

[ Laughing]

Not so fast.

[ Beeps]

[ Zapping]