Original subtitles

Okay, I Don'’t know what happened here

but 100 bucks says I get blamed for it.

Sabrina?

Before I go, I just wanted to say...

Salem!

Where is my bookie when I need him?

Wait a minute.

This looks like Sabrina'’s mouth.

These are her eyes.

And this looks like her...

Sorry, Sabrina.

Well, Don'’t just stand there, lug nut.

Sweep her up.

Whoa.

Sabrina, are you okay?

Yeah, i'’m fine.

Except that you were standing on my tongue.

How did I get put back together?

Girl: I did it.

Aunt Zelda?

You gave up your adult years for me?

That is so generous.

And a very crafty way to get rid of wrinkles.

I know it might be a little strange

having an eight-year-old look after you.

Aunt Zelda, you Don'’t have to look after me anymore.

You and aunt hilda have taught me everything I need to know.

Now I need to prove that I can get by

without relying on you guys.

I'’m going to be graduating soon

and i'’m going to be looking for a new job as a reporter.

So, you Don'’t have to take care of anyone anymore.

♪ Life'’s changing around me, and i'’m gonna make it mine ♪

♪ i'’m reaching out and living by my rules ♪

♪ time'’s moving way too fast ♪

♪ I wanna make it last

♪ '’cause i'’m out on my own now ♪

♪ and I like the way it feels.

We'’ve got to do something.

Three months living in this house

and we still run out of hot water.

I Don'’t know what you are talking about.

I take a two-hour shower every morning

and it never runs out.

Is that the mail? Can I have it?

Excuse me.

You are not the only "occupant" here.

[ Groans]

I can'’t believe I haven'’t gotten a response to my resume.

Sabrina, you'’ve got to use connections.

I Don'’t know why you Don'’t take me up on my offer.

I mean, my friend does write for the village voice.

He writes letters to the editor.

He'’s a crackpot.

A-A published crackpot.

Oh, my god, I won!

I won the mtv contest.

What contest?

It'’s some writing contest where you...

Oh, it'’s mtv. Who cares?

Wow.

"Based on the essay that you submitted

"you have been selected to interview a rock band

for scorchmagazine."

Maybe it'’ll be the rolling stones.

My Nana would be so tickled.

Great, you bust your butt trying to get a reporting job.

She gets one by submitting a 3x5 card

listing her turn-ons.

Hey, that'’s the way it goes.

I'’m happy for her.

It says i'’m supposed to go

to scorchmagazine for the details.

I'’m out of it. Scorch?

What'’s that, some kind of trade publication for pyromaniacs?

It'’s only, like, the coolest magazine ever.

If it weren'’t for them

I wouldn'’t know what music I like.

Sabrina, get dressed.

Why?

Well, you have to come with me.

I mean, you can do all that face-to-face stuff.

What I do is write.

And what i'’m thinking of doing is so wrong.

Wow. Everybody here is so young.

And they all look so... What'’s the word?

Tragically hip?

Uh, that'’s two words.

Um, excuse me.

My friend is here to find out about some contest she won.

She'’s supposed to talk to a senior editor Annie martos.

That'’s me; Why are you speaking for her?

Uh, where'’s the little girls'’ room?

I kind of have to tinkle.

I get it.

Come with me.

We'’ll go over the details.

You here for the contest?

Oh, no. My friend won the contest.

I'’m just along for moral support.

Period. Close quote.

She punctuates

when she talks.

No, I know this

is none of my business

but the quotes go on the outside of the period.

Damn, that'’s gutsy.

Exclamation point.

Sorry. Force of habit.

I'’m a writer, too.

Well, not this kind of stuff.

Serious journalism.

Oh, and, uh, this isn'’t serious journalism?

Kandinsky vodka just gave us four free cases.

It'’s going to be an early day, people.

[ Cheering]

Our advertisers love to give me the freebies.

Hi, i'’m Leonard.

Want a case of vodka?

No, thanks.

No problem. Want to go out for eggs?

Len.

Too much.

I know, too much.

Sabrina.

I get to go to New York

and interview that band, course of nature

and write a 1,200 word article about it.

You'’re kidding.

Do you even know 1,200 words?

Plus, I get to bring two friends.

Well, I doubt this friend will want to go.

Doesn'’t sound like serious journalism.

You'’d pass up a trip to mtv?

No, no, i'’ll go...

But only because I have a very solid connection

at the village voice.

I'’m just following up on the reporter job.

Yeah, but you got my resume, right?

Well, what does it matter if I Don'’t know how to surf?

I'’m a writer, not a surfer.

Fine.

[ Scoffs]

Well, scratch off true surfer stories monthly.

Salem: Wow, you'’ve been working the phones

nonstop for the past 24 hours.

I'’ve got to get a job as a reporter

even if I have to go as far as New York.

Why do you have to go to New York?

You'’ve already got an offer from the Boston globe.

Yeah, three days a week

as an assistant associate to the associate assistant.

I think i'’m a little beyond that.

Well, you better get something

or I won'’t be the only one in this house

that'’s eating cat food.

Herald examiner, Fleming speaking.

Hi, my name is Sabrina spellman.

I was calling to follow up about my resume.

Yeah, yeah, it'’s either in a file drawer

or here in a pile.

I'’ll get to it when I get to it.

But... uh, hold on.

Hello?

Okay, well, I can either sit here on hold all day

or I can make something happen.

You sent me a fax?

I-I Don'’t know.

I can'’t find anything around here.

Get my resume out of the file

and put it right on top of the pile.

Look, look, I-I Don'’t know where it is.

Why Don'’t you just fax me another one?

No, no, better yet, just bring it over.

Yeah, uh, who am I talking to again?

Oh, yeah...

Ah, well, how about that?

It'’s right on top.

Well, I can squeeze one more in tomorrow, all right? 1:00.

This is so exciting.

Hello, New York!

Be careful, Morgan.

New yorkers love a moving target.

I would'’ve come out earlier

but I was stuck

to a jawbreaker.

Hey, remember our deal.

I bring you to New York

you Don'’t whine, complain or talk in front of people.

Don'’t worry.

While you gals run your little mtv junket

i'’m going to take in the sights.

I'’m not going to mtv.

I have that interview at the herald examiner.

I really need this job

and i'’m not leaving until they give it to me.

Mm, the new Sabrina is feisty.

Me likey.

It'’s just part of a hot dog.

It'’s their way of saying, "welcome."

Well, they can throw whatever they want.

They can'’t stop me from going to mtv.

Me, neither.

I can'’t wait to go on trl.

You? You Don'’t seem

like a total request live kind of person.

Of course not.

But i'’ll blend in with all the desperate, squealing teenyboppers

cozy up to Carson daly and as soon as i'’m on camera

demand that people stop eating meat.

I'’m not sure trlis the place for a protest.

I mean, it'’s not like it'’s the oscars.

Oh, sir, can you pull over here?

All right, i'’ll meet you guys later.

Oh, no, no, no.

You have to help me with the interview.

Morgan, my herald examiner meeting

is in 47 minutes.

I have to prepare to be spontaneous.

You'’ll be fine.

I Don'’t know how to interview.

I can'’t write.

I stole a writing sample of yours for the contest.

You did what?

Morgan, what a lousy thing to do.

You totally used Sabrina.

My writing sample won?

Wow.

To mtv.

And step on it.

[ Screaming]

You won the contest, you meet the band.

You two meet the street.

But they-they have to go in.

Yeah, we'’re interpreters.

One of the band members

is French and the other is German.

N'’est pas, mein... kampf?

Guard: That'’s a nice try.

You'’ll have to wait in the lobby.

My teeth!

Well, uh, at least

now he has something he wants for Christmas.

[ Knocking on door]

Oh, hi, hi, we'’re here from...

Yeah, can you give us just a sec.

We'’ve got to finish working out

this one part.

[ Hard rock intro]

♪ What if I missed you

♪ you got caught in the sun

♪ what if I did something

♪ never to be undone...

Um, do you give know, "oops, I did it again"?

Uh, why Don'’t you just jump in

with the interview questions?

I just did.

Look, ask him, uh

what his influences are.

So, who influenced you to... cut your hair

so short?

Okay, uh, what distinguishes course of nature

from other bands?

Well, for one thing, we'’re not conventional.

Don'’t play conventions.

No, I mean

we Don'’t do the usual rock band thing.

Um, partying all night, getting wasted.

I Don'’t even drink.

Well, not with all those piercings... you'’d leak.

I think she'’s going to be just fine.

Don'’t leave me.

Morgan, I have to get

to my interview at the herald examiner

before my dream job gets taken by somebody else.

Just ask whatever comes into your head.

This could take a while.

Oh, i'’ve got one.

Who here doesn'’t have a girlfriend?

[ Applause]

All right, there you have your little favorite Canadian

avril lavigne and "skaterboy" at number three.

Avril lavigne no stranger

to the top ten...

Roxie, i'’m going to be late for my interview.

But I need your help and so do a million cows.

Now, when we get next to Carson, i'’ll show my shirt

and then you show yours.

Can I just wear one that says, "i'’m with stupid"?

Anybody want to give a shout-out?

Anybody?

Back here?

How about you, right over here?

Who do you want to give a shout-out to?

Carson daly.

That'’s me, but who do you want...?

What'’s this all about?

It says, "meat."

That'’s no way to refer to yourself.

Oh, no, no, no.

Um, she-she has a-a message she wants to get out.

Right, roxie?

Okay, what is that?

Carson daly...

The message...

What'’s this say?

"Kills meat."

You guys are a member of the Ted nugent fan club?

[ Laughter]

Anything?

Okay, anybody want to give a shout-out

that'’s not on medication?

How about you over here?

Oh, roxie, i'’m sorry the message got all messed up.

I can'’t believe how hot he is

and how great it is to be on trl!

[ Screaming]

Oh, way to fight the power, roxie.

Oh, no, my interview.

Must'’ve taken a wrong turn.

Whoa, if this is hell'’s kitchen, i'’d hate to see the bathroom.

Okay

that is one big rat.

[ Chuckling]

Hey, hi, uh, what'’s up, bro?

About those teeth?

A little bleach will help that.

Sorry i'’m late.

And you are?

Way out of shape.

I'’m Sabrina spellman, your 1:00ish.

Oh, well, the important thing is you'’re here.

I need someone right away.

Really?

Great. All right.

Details: I like my coffee black, my pencil sharp

and someone who'’s not afraid to ask questions.

Well, I have a question?

Why would I need to know how you like your coffee?

Well, that'’s what any good secretary needs to know.

Secretary.

Yeah, well, that'’s not exactly my dream job

but I guess it'’s a start.

Well, absolutely.

If you play your cards right, do a good job

ten to 15 years, you work your way up

to executive secretary.

Is there a problem?

Yeah, a big one.

For starters, I Don'’t have any secretarial skills

and when I make coffee

it comes out tasting like witches brew.

Literally.

Well, then why are you here?

For a job as a reporter.

No, no, no, your resume was in the secretary pile.

Look, I came all the way here from Boston.

Could you at least read my writing sample?

This is an article I wrote for the Boston citizen.

I blew the lid off a phony baked bean scandal.

Well, the lead'’s quite catchy.

But...

But what?

Well, a reporter at the herald examiner

needs to be a little more seasoned.

I mean, why Don'’t we agree to talk

when you'’ve had a little more writing experience

and, uh, matured a little.

Oh, I am very mature.

I was just at mtv, and between you and me

all that screaming gave me a headache.

Kids, huh?

You were at mtv.

Yeah, one of my friends was hanging out with a rock band

and the other one needed me there because she'’s on trl.

Trl? my god, it seems like every day

they'’re into some new drug.

No, no, no, trlis...

Look, you'’re obviously a very fine writer

and, uh, you have a lot of youthful exuberance.

So why Don'’t we agree to talk when that wears off, okay?

Okay, just a little setback, no biggie.

I mean, I said I could get along

on my own, and I can, right, Salem?

What do I care?

I got beat up by a rat.

He humiliated me.

I thought you said you gave hima licking?

I did!

But not in a macho way.

I'’m sorry, Salem, I have bigger problems.

Just butch it up.

Hmm. Butch it up.

That'’s an idea... Work out a little.

[ Groaning]: One...

[ Groaning]

Sabrina, can you help me?

I Don'’t know what to write about course of nature.

Well, just use your notes.

"Lead singer... dreamy.

"Guitarist... married.

Drummer... Ignored me. Gay?"

What i'’m saying is, be resourceful.

There'’s all kinds of information

on the Internet, in their liner notes

or you can contact their fan club.

[ Sighs]

Boy, that sounds like a lot of work.

Hey, Sabrina, why Don'’t you write the article?

Fine. I'’ll write it... But i'’m taking the credit.

No more fronting for you.

I would never take credit for something that you wrote.

Twice in one week.

So, how'’d it go in New York?

You know, with that connection of yours.

Oh. Oh, I decided that newspaper job just wasn'’t for me.

Oh, good choice.

I mean, you'’d have to move there.

Plus, you'’d need a bicycle and a good throwing arm.

It'’s very well written.

Thank you. It came very easily.

Sometimes when the muse strikes...

Okay, she wrote it

but I tried to write about the band

but then I ran out of words for "cute" and...

I absolutely do not care.

Well, i'’m glad you liked it.

We haven'’t discussed money.

I Don'’t know what the going rate is these days, but...

How does ten cents a word sound?

Oh, i'’ll give you a quarter

just to stop talking.

How about that?

I already got a raise.

This article was for a contest.

We Don'’t pay for it and, in this case

we Don'’t publish it.

Here, you might want to send this to your mother.

She can tack it up on her fridge.

But I thought you said you liked it.

I said it was very well written

very professional, very well researched, very bland.

Are you calling my writing bland?

No, I think i'’m calling the author bland.

Anything written in scorch magazine represents

a certain point of view.

I mean, look around.

These people have life experience.

Cole was in a rock band

that used to open for green day.

James has traveled to every continent.

Leonard is...

The publisher'’s cousin, but the point is

when I look at you

i'’m guessing your life comes down to...

Oh, a junior high certificate for perfect attendance

and maybe once you smoked a ham.

This may come at a bad time

but I still have some of that vodka.

Len.len.

Worth a shot.

Let'’s go.

Everyone keeps telling me I need more experience.

At this rate, i'’ll never find a job.

What happened to the part-time job

you were offered at the Boston globe?

The job'’s taken... By my journalism professor.

Oh, Sabrina, you really blew it.

Honey, put this behind you.

You'’ve been going on and on about it.

You'’ve got to stop obsessing.

Oh, my god, trlis on.

Out of my way.

All right, there you have it.

Everybody loves eminem.

Yeah, do it, Carson!

Okay, getting carried away.

Dial it down.

Cold Turkey.

Cold Turkey, yeah.

Yeah, talk about obsessed.

No, i'’m going to the kitchen

to make a sandwich.

Don'’t turn that off.

At number seven it'’s your favorite Australian.

[ Brooklyn accent]: Move, you'’re blocking the view.

This is Kylie Minogue on trl.

Whoa! Someone got into the kibbles and steroids.

Next time you go into the big apple, take me with you.

I want to deliver a little message to my friend ratso.

Yeah, I got a message I want to deliver, too.

Sorry, roxie.

Cable'’s out!

Okay, whatever you'’re doing, we got to do it fast.

We got to get back before roxie and Morgan know we'’re gone.

Don'’t worry. It will only take a second

for me to turn that rodent into rat-a-touie.

All right, guys, before we get to our next video

i'’m going to give this young man

an opportunity to say something to america.

Or her... survival of the fittest on trltoday.

What'’s your request?

I want a job.

Okay. What is that, the new o-town single?

No, no, no, i'’m talking about me.

I know this sounds crazy.

My name is Sabrina spellman.

I'’m a journalist and I can'’t find a job.

I mean, i'’ve gotten a few job offers

but, you know, I said no to them.

Long story short, i'’m an idiot.

There'’s going to be a job in security opening up here.

Maybe you could have that one.

Good luck to you.

We got to get over here.

Does security ever

lead to reporting on the air?

All right, cheese breath.

It'’s you and me, right here, right now.

Oh, you brought some of your friends

from the sewer, huh?

Oh, please.

Not the face.

Hi, welcome back.

New York City. Times Square.

I'’m Carson daly, trl. We'’re going...

I'’m sorry, Carson, one last thing.

I just want to say to all you guys out there

make sure you know a good opportunity when you see it.

Okay? People aren'’t just going to hand you

your dream job on a silver platter.

In fact, if they give you a job

carrying a silver platter, take it.

What i'’m saying is, whether it'’s an established publication

like the New York herald-examiner

or a pretentious upstart zine like scorch

Don'’t be too proud to start at the bottom.

Anything else?

Uh...

Meat kills! Woo-hoo!

All right, guys.

Sorry.

Sorry about that, everybody.

All right...

Okay, if you called me down here

to tell me i'’ll never work in this business again

I figured that out for myself

and that'’s why i'’m done with this whole stupid job search

and, who knows, maybe even journalism altogether.

Just because I Don'’t have green hair

and metal things sticking out of my face

doesn'’t mean i'’m not a good writer, period, end of sentence.

Annie: Fine.

I'’ll tell Jonathan you'’re turning down the job.

Job?

I called you down here

because i'’m offering you a position.

Actually, our publisher is.

The only thing i'’d offer you is a new wardrobe.

That'’s... insane.

Why would the publisher offer me a job?

That was my question exactly

except with profanity.

Apparently Jonathan caught you on trl.

Liked what he saw.

Of course, he hired me because he said

I remind him of Diana Ross.

It doesn'’t matter... she'’s not interested in this gig.

I mean, it'’s not serious journalism, right?

He saw me on TV?

Do you happen to know if he taped it? Cause I forgot.

I'’ll tell him you can'’t do it.

What'’s new on the club scene?

Excuse me. I cando it.

Yeah, I get it, Bo-peep.

The job'’s not right for you.

Okay, the name'’s not Bo-peep

and the job may not be right for me

but i'’m right for the job.

I just want to make

that fine yet important distinction.

Can do it, Don'’t want to.

So you'’ll take it.

Yes, please. When do I start?

Okay, smoothies all around.

Time for a toast to Sabrina'’s new job.

Morgan did you leave your laundry on the table?

No, that'’s Salem.

He got into the gauze.

Ow!

Did you hear that?

Me-ow.