Original subtitles

Okay, here'’s how it'’s going to go.

Seven-card stud. Two cards down, four cards up.

Last card'’s a buy. No check and raise.

I'’m about to be shaken down.

Visions of grade school.

At least he hasn'’t put a visor on yet.

Good news is, i'’m already poor

so i'’ve got nothing to lose.

Everybody relax.

It'’s just a friendly game.

We'’re all here to have fun.

I heard the greatest joke the other day.

No jokes; We'’re playing cards.

Josh, i'’ve never seen you so aggressive

and domineering.

Why weren'’t you this way when I was dating you?

Will you shut up?

Oh, and now you grow a spine.

Let'’s just play. Where are the cards?

Oh, the cards?

Ah, there'’s the Josh I know and dumped.

Don'’t worry, Mr. Vegas, i'’ve got some cards in my room.

If you'’re looking for cards

i'’ve got Josh'’s deck right here.

You stole Josh'’s cards?

Stole, borrowed, who'’s keeping score?

The point is, I want to make you a proposition.

No.

Here'’s the plan: During the game

i'’ll look over everyone'’s shoulder

and signal how you should bet.

We'’ll split the winnings 70-30.

I can'’t cheat my friends.

But I can.

That'’s the beauty of this plan.

Roxie, I will see your bet and raise you five.

Too rich for my blood.

Fold. Fold.

I should fold... Unless you'’re bluffing.

Sabrina

I think your cat'’s having a convulsion.

I think he just needs some fresh air.

Any of you chicks up for five-card stud?

[ Groans]

♪ Life'’s changing around me, and i'’m gonna make it mine ♪

♪ i'’m reaching out and living by my rules... ♪

♪ Time'’s moving way too fast ♪

♪ I wanna make it last...

♪ '’cause i'’m out on my own now ♪

♪ and I like the way it feels.

Next.

Yes, ma'’am, what can I get for you?

Excuse me, we were here first.

Oh, and just because men were here first

you think women are supposed to wait on you hand and foot?

Well, think again, Mr. Hairy back. Go!

Decaf?

What'’s with aunt hilda?

President banning broke up with her.

Now she says she'’s through with men.

Next.

Aunt hilda.

I'’m really sorry about you and president banning.

But, you know, that'’s no reason

to take it out on all men.

There'’s a better way to deal with your feelings.

I know, I know.

Talk through it, feel the pain.

I'’d rather cause the pain.

Or we could go shopping.

I like your way.

Ooh, essence of hemlock.

And a dragon-skin pen.

Disgusting, but i'’ve got to have one.

You know, you were right

about curing hilda'’s breakup blues.

Shopping is just what the doctor ordered.

Yeah, but he didn'’t order six hours of it.

My feet are swelling up like two bloated trolls.

That reminds me, I need to pick up some trolls.

Let'’s swing by saks fifth century.

Uh, hilda, you know what, you go ahead.

Sabrina and I are pretty wiped out.

Yeah, we'’ll meet you at the house

if that'’s okay with you.

That'’s great with me.

You two lollygaggers have been slowing me down.

Oh, my god.

I'’ve been looking for one of these everywhere.

Excuse me, sir, what is this?

Psst, Harvey.

Harvey.

Did you say something?

Plants can'’t talk, you idiot.

Oh, but cats can.

I'’m such a fool.

I'’ve got a poker game to get to.

I know.

Want to go home a winner?

I'’d love to. How?

Think about it.

You'’re a guy who stinks at poker.

I'’m a cat with no scruples.

Huh?

Oh, this could take forever.

Here'’s the deal:

During the game, i'’ll sit behind Josh

and let you know what he'’s got.

You'’ll go home a winner and we'’ll split the take 80-20.

Salem, that'’s cheating.

Ugh, another one.

What is wrong with this generation?

I swear Sabrina'’s cat is humming "if I were a rich man."

I'’m singing a pretty happy tune myself

thanks to kinkle here.

Harvey, Don'’t take this personally

but you are the worst poker player I have ever seen.

Gee, how can I take that personally?

Don'’t get too attached to those chips.

I think my luck'’s about to change.

[ Humming]

Now the cat'’s humming "we'’re in the money."

Well, after three hours of soaking

my feet are finally back to their original size.

Tell aunt hilda I waited, but I got a paper to write.

Oh, honey, i'’m sure she'’ll be so excited

about all the things she bought

she'’ll forget we even went shopping with her.

That was so much fun!

What'’s in the box?

What on earth is that?

Guess.

Uh... refrigerator. No.

Freezer. No.

A washer-dryer combo?

No. That'’s coming Tuesday.

What is it? A fiancé!

[ Growls] [ Growls]

Hey, I know you.

You'’re the conductor from the Halloween mystery train.

Right. And hilda'’s just signed up for the ride of her life.

From what I understand, it'’s nonstop.

Excuse us, will you?

[ Will growls]

Harvey, do you call my bet or not?

What are you waiting for?

Just give the man your wallet and be done with it.

He could be bluffing.

But I guess to be on the safe side, I should fold.

But I won'’t. Call.

Unfortunately for you, I wasn'’t bluffing.

Full house, kings high.

Ah, not so fast.

Full house, aces high.

Okay, now the cat is singing and dancing.

[ Humming stops]

Miles, you'’ve got to get off the decongestants.

Anyway, so after I found this great deal

on ointment for piranha bites

I popped into just cauldrons.

I'’m standing there, looking at the new tailgate models

when all of a sudden, I look over to the food court

and I become paralyzed.

You saw will.

No.

I saw they jacked up the price of corn dogs

to seven dollars.

Is that not outrageous?

A crime. But what does that have to do

with you running into will?

Patience. It'’s a fabulous story.

[ Growls]

Anyway

i'’m standing there with my jaw on the floor

and who do you think bumps into me?

Will. No.

The saleslady showing will the exact same cauldron

I had just been looking at.

And that'’s when you knew you'’d found Mr. Right?

No.

That'’s when will looked out to the food court

and said, "seven dollars for a corn dog?

That'’s outrageous."

That'’s when I knew.

Of course.

Oh, before I forget

the wedding'’s this weekend.

What? This weekend?

Oh, yeah, Saturday afternoon.

Kind of dressy casual.

Will, would you excuse us for a moment?

Let me guess, you'’re clawing at my skin

because you'’re afraid i'’m going to make you wear

ugly bridesmaid'’s dresses.

Well, not to worry. They'’re maroon and yellow.

Maroon and yellow?

Aunt hilda, look, you just broke up

with president banning.

Don'’t you think you might be acting impulsively

because you'’re on the rebound?

Sabrina, i'’ve been looking for my true love

for over 600 years.

And if I find him on the rebound, on a train

or in an outlet mall

i'’m going for it.

Honey, it'’s true that he'’s a nice man

he'’s attractive

he has a job... always a plus...

But Don'’t you think you should get to know each other

before you jump into marriage?

I'’m telling you, I know true love

when I see it at the mall.

And this is it.

Now all I want from you two

are your blessings and your dress sizes.

Now if you'’ll excuse me

will and I have to go pick out our rings.

Great idea I had taking her shopping.

Aunt Zelda, what are we going to do?

We are going to make peace

with maroon and yellow, I suppose.

Ooh, I shudder to think

what the shoes are going to look like.

We can'’t let her get married to a guy she bonded with

over cauldrons and corn dogs.

I Don'’t think we have a choice.

Your aunt hilda'’s a very headstrong woman.

You know the oddest part

is that on that mystery train

I could'’ve sworn will fancied me.

That'’s it.

You just gave me an idea.

When they get back from the jewelry store

i'’ll distract aunt hilda while you throw yourself at will.

He succumbs to your charms

she sees him in a compromising position

and comes to her senses.

Sabrina...

Forgive me if i'’m not entirely comfortable

seducing my sister'’s fiancé.

I mean, it'’s one thing to steal her prom date.

It'’s for her own good.

The only way we can save aunt hilda

is with your overwhelming beauty.

Well, she is my sister.

Zellie, Sabrina, we'’re back.

Don'’t you want to see our wedding rings?

Do I ever.

Mood rings?

Aren'’t they gorgeous?

Well, who can see in this light.

Come into the kitchen, let me really check them out.

Be right back.

And if you'’re lucky, my mood will be green.

Hello again, will.

As in...

"Where there'’s a will, there'’s a way."

As in "will he or won'’t he?"

Or my personal favorite, "a man will be a man."

Don'’t forget "last will and testament."

Oh!

That'’s a very interesting dress.

I'’m glad you like it.

What else do you like, will?

I like hilda.

And corn dogs.

Really?

I thought you liked me best.

No.

I said I thought you liked me best!

No, ow!

Jiminy cricket, would you look at that?

What is going on here?

This is not how it looks.

Your sister just threw herself at me.

Don'’t lie to me.

Your mood ring is green.

I'’m not lying.

I was set up here.

It'’s you I love, not this tramp.

Oh, so now my sister'’s a tramp?

Well, you do look a little trampy in that dress.

She was determined to have her way with me.

I tried to push her aside.

She was relentless in her pursuit.

Hilda, the only one for me is you.

You have to believe me.

No, I Don'’t. You betrayed me.

I'’m going to zap you back

to the outlet mall you crawled out of.

Aunt hilda, i'’m so sorry.

But I guess this just goes to prove

he wasn'’t your true love after all.

My true love? I hardly knew the guy.

He meant nothing to me.

And now i'’ll never see him again.

Oh, my god! Aunt hilda broke!

I can'’t believe it.

The only time a witch falls to pieces

is when she'’s separated from her soul mate.

Oh...

Oh, we were wrong, Sabrina.

They really werein love.

And we got the bright idea to break them up.

Actually, sweetheart, that was you.

I feel horrible.

We got to get aunt hilda back together.

Hey... I found her lips.

Actually, I think that'’s a nose.

This is a lot harder than Mr. Potato head.

We'’re going to need a professional, honey.

We can'’t fix hilda, but someone else can.

Send us an expert, like rodin.

[ With French accent]: Ooh-la-la.

It will be my pleasure

to sculpt such beautiful, gorgeous women

such as yourselves.

Actually, we just need you to fix my broken aunt.

Voilà, c'’en est fait.

Ooh, that means it'’s done.

Four years of French.

Hey... What about this piece?

Appendix... Don'’t need.

Okay, well, now that you'’ve put her back together

how do you bring her back to life?

I am artist, not genetic engineer.

If you want a heart beating or a plasma flowing

you should consult a specialist.

"Ed'’s life and storage warehouse.

We revive your loved ones at factory-direct prices." This is perfect!

No, it'’s not.

I have heard about this quack.

He'’s unlicensed, unethical

and from what I can see in this photograph, unwashed.

I am not putting my sister'’s fate in his hands.

Well, what choice do we have?

Hello... brilliant research scientist.

Surely I can find a way to bring hilda back to life.

To the "labtop."

Oh, but we get a free bag of white blood cells

just for coming in!

Eureka!

You'’ve got it?

No...

But I have figured out

how to make an amoeba come when I call him.

That'’s it?

You'’ve been working at this for two days.

If I have to work at this labtop for 2,000 days

I am going to find a way to bring my sister back to life.

Here, fluffy, fluffy.

[ Smooching]

Well, I can'’t wait that long...

And neither can aunt hilda.

Okay... I get the "storage" part

but i'’m not seeing a lot of "life" around here.

Welcome to ed'’s...

Where the customer is always right.

At the moment, the customer'’s a little creeped out.

I'’m Sabrina spellman and this is my aunt hilda.

Oh, yes... frozen in a state of perpetual heartbreak.

Tragic... But good for business.

What can I do for you?

Well, I was hoping you could bring her back to life.

Ooh... that'’s going to cost you.

Oh, that'’s okay, as long as you take credit cards.

You know, I just got bumped up to platinum.

No, your money'’s no good here.

A witch must pay... with a personal sacrifice.

I'’m getting that creeped-out feeling again.

In exchange for reviving your aunt

you must be willing to give up your true love.

Whoa, I have to give up Josh?

Not necessarily, but you have to be willing to take that gamble.

Are you willing to risk your ownlove life

to save your aunt'’s?

You know, ed...

I am really happy with my love life these days.

You know, is there anything else I could sacrifice

like give up gummy bears?

Sorry. This is why most of my customers opt for storage.

Well... i'’m the one that did this to you.

So... i'’ve got to make the sacrifice.

[ Sighs]

All right.

It'’s a deal.

What a rush!

Who are you?

Oh, this is ed.

He brought you back to life.

Gee.

Thanks, ed.

Don'’t mention it.

Uh, just out of morbid curiosity, why was I dead?

See... When I didn'’t believe

that you were truly in love with will

I came up with a plan to drive him away...

But he really is your true love.

So, you froze and shattered into pieces

for which i'’m really, really, really sorry.

Not half as sorry as I am.

I have to go find my true love... again.

Ooh, free white blood cells.

These make great stocking stuffers.

You'’re all done.

Thanks.

Um, you know about that whole...

[ Chuckling]: Love life/sacrifice thing?

You know, I know the gummy bears didn'’t fly for you

but what if I cut back on my usage of the term, "woo-hoo"?

Yes... that would be a big sacrifice for you

but no.

Hey, Sabrina.

You'’re here just in time

to see Harvey wipe us out

for the 12th time in a row.

Harvey? The worst poker player in all the planet?

And yet, the person with the most chips.

I got a feeling your luck is about to change.

Harvey, the bet is to you.

What are you going to do?

Let'’s see, should I fold?

[ Sneezes]

I guess i'’m in.

[ Sneezes]

Actually, i'’ll fold.

[ Sneezes]I'’m in. I'’m in.

Okay, straight flush, Jacks high.

What do you got?

Pair of tens.

Ha! Finally, all is right with the world.

Kinkle'’s losing again.

[ Sneezes]

The cat'’s not doing so good, either.

Gosh, Harvey, what happened to your winning streak?

Sabrina: I guess

he just ran into a spellof bad luck.

Um, Josh, before you get

into the next hand

can I talk to you for a minute?

Uh, yeah, sure.

What'’s going on?

I just want to make sure that you know

that if anything should ever happen

and we can'’t be together...

I'’ll always love you.

Could you take off that visor?

What are you talking about? Are you okay?

I'’m fine.

It'’s just... you never know what'’s going to happen.

Sabrina...

I Don'’t know why you'’re talking like this

but I love you, and I never want to lose you.

I Don'’t want to lose you, either.

You'’re the sweetest, most caring guy i'’ve ever known.

Now... get in there

and shake down my friends for all they'’re worth.

And a little bit of frog essence...

And... presto!

The amoeba is dead.

52 hours straight and still no hilda to show for it.

What you doing?

Do you mind? I'’m trying to bring my dear sister ba...

Hilda! I brought you back to life!

Sure... if it makes you feel better.

So needy.

Anyway, we'’re getting married here

this Saturday.

So, clean this all up.

Okay.

Listen, you two.

I am so glad that you are back together

and I never should'’ve doubted your love

and i'’m really sorry that I threw myself at you.

Forget about it.

I was over it while it was happening.

Oh.

That'’s... good.

So, how do you feel?

I'’m excited... Yet a little worried

that hilda'’s running an hour and a half late.

Ooh, you really Don'’t know her that well yet, do you?

You want me to go check around for you?

Nah, nah, I Don'’t want to put youout. Wait a minute.

You almost destroyed my relationship.

Yeah... go.

[ Sobbing]

Aunt hilda, everything okay?

[ Hilda sniffling]: Fine, honey.

[ Sniffling]

Oh, why are you two crying?

[ Sobbing]

Make that three.

I'’m going to miss all you guys so much.

Oh, aunt hilda

we'’re still going to see each other.

It'’s never going to be like it was, though.

But it will be wonderful

in a whole different way.

Yeah, you'’ll have new adventures with the man you love.

Well, they'’ll have to be awfully good adventures

to top the ones we'’ve had...

Crossing swords with pirates...

Taking a trip to look at time shares in hell.

I'’ll never forget when we skied on Mars

or when we rode the roller coaster

on the rings of saturn

or when you rescued me from the volcano...

Or when you... took me in

and raised me like I was your own daughter.

[ All sobbing]

And now, it'’s the happiest day of my life.

Which is why we are gathered here today

to join these two together in holy matrimony.

Hilda looks so beautiful.

And so happy.

I swear, if that cat starts singing "oh, promise me"

i'’m out of here.

I Don'’t mean to be critical

but Don'’t the bridesmaids look

like they should be playing at the Rose bowl?

Priest: Do you, will

take hilda, to be your lawfully wedded wife?

[ Growls playfully]

[ Grunts]

I do.

And do you, hilda, take will

to be your lawfully wedded husband?

Like i'’m going to say, "no," now?

I Don'’t think so.

All right, I do.

I now pronounce you husband and wife.

[ Stammering]: You may kiss each other now.

[ Whooping]

Okay, ladies... Get ready!

Oh! Oh!

Zellie, go long!

Ow! Oh! Ow!

Yeah!

Come here, you.

[ Gasping happily]

Oh, thanks a lot, aunt Zelda.

I broke a heel.

But I got the bouquet!

I'’m getting married next!

So, uh, everybody, start shopping.

I need, um, flatware and a bagel slicer.

Woo-hoo!

A husband wouldn'’t hurt.

Oh, the cake'’s here.

It'’s... beautiful.

Yes.

I, uh... broke my heel.

Oh. Please, let me fix it.

Wow.

So, who are you and why do I suddenly feel the urge

to break my other heel?

I'’m Luke.

Feel free to break it.

Sabrina, i'’ve got something to tell you.

I'’m still in love with you

but I know it'’ll never be returned.

So, i'’m moving to California.

What?!

Sabrina, I Don'’t know what just came over me

but I can'’t ever see you again.

I'’m taking that newspaper job in Prague.

What?!

Well, it was nice meeting you.

Guess i'’ll never see you again.

What?!

All three: Good-bye, Sabrina.

"Good-bye"?