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1
00:00:03,241 --> 00:00:04,620
And so the guy says
2
00:00:04,689 --> 00:00:07,103
"that'’s no gross
national product.
3
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That'’s my wife!"
4
00:00:08,448 --> 00:00:11,724
[ Laughter]
5
00:00:11,793 --> 00:00:13,689
Now, that'’s funny.
6
00:00:13,758 --> 00:00:15,827
Oh, there is nothing I like more
7
00:00:15,896 --> 00:00:18,482
than a good supply-side
economics joke.
8
00:00:18,551 --> 00:00:20,068
[ Laughing]: How about that.
9
00:00:20,137 --> 00:00:21,965
Lobbying for a better grade?
10
00:00:22,034 --> 00:00:23,034
Always.
11
00:00:23,068 --> 00:00:24,655
But I also found
out, professor beltran
12
00:00:24,724 --> 00:00:26,275
is the head of the
nominating committee
13
00:00:26,344 --> 00:00:27,862
for "professor of
the year" award.
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00:00:27,931 --> 00:00:28,976
You'’re kind of a long shot
15
00:00:29,000 --> 00:00:30,120
not being a teacher and all.
16
00:00:30,172 --> 00:00:31,344
Not for me; For my aunt Zelda.
17
00:00:31,413 --> 00:00:33,000
She'’s the best
teacher at this college.
18
00:00:33,068 --> 00:00:34,217
And i'’m not just saying that
19
00:00:34,241 --> 00:00:36,137
because my name'’s
plastered all over her will.
20
00:00:36,206 --> 00:00:38,034
But Zelda'’s only been
at Adams for two years.
21
00:00:38,103 --> 00:00:40,586
There'’s no way beltran would
even consider her for the award.
22
00:00:40,655 --> 00:00:42,172
Sabrina: That girl,
on the other hand
23
00:00:42,241 --> 00:00:43,931
is going to get an
"a" in economics.
24
00:00:44,000 --> 00:00:46,689
Maybe there'’s a way you can
plant the idea of Zelda in his head.
25
00:00:46,758 --> 00:00:49,241
Plant the idea in his head...
26
00:00:49,310 --> 00:00:50,862
That'’s a great idea, roxie.
27
00:00:52,137 --> 00:00:53,068
Excuse me.
28
00:00:53,137 --> 00:00:55,137
I'’ve got some seeds to sow.
29
00:01:14,034 --> 00:01:15,965
[ Chuckles]: I love gardening.
30
00:01:22,275 --> 00:01:26,275
♪ Life'’s changing around me,
and i'’m gonna make it mine ♪
31
00:01:26,344 --> 00:01:32,793
♪ i'’m reaching out and
living by my rules... ♪
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00:01:32,862 --> 00:01:35,965
♪ Time'’s moving way too fast ♪
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00:01:36,034 --> 00:01:40,103
♪ I wanna make it last...
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00:01:42,206 --> 00:01:45,655
♪ '’cause i'’m out
on my own now ♪
35
00:01:45,724 --> 00:01:50,275
♪ and I like the way it feels.
36
00:01:55,896 --> 00:01:57,724
I'’ve been staring
at her long enough.
37
00:01:57,793 --> 00:01:59,000
The faster I ask her out
38
00:01:59,068 --> 00:02:00,551
the faster I can get rejected
39
00:02:00,620 --> 00:02:02,206
and begin the healing process.
40
00:02:02,275 --> 00:02:04,000
It'’s that air of confidence
41
00:02:04,068 --> 00:02:06,172
that women find so irresistible.
42
00:02:06,241 --> 00:02:09,620
Hi, my name is miles, and I...
43
00:02:10,758 --> 00:02:12,655
Excuse me, I was wondering if...
44
00:02:15,724 --> 00:02:18,172
[ Groans]
45
00:02:18,241 --> 00:02:20,241
If I ever need a
bouncer, you'’re hired.
46
00:02:20,310 --> 00:02:22,655
And if you'’re ever
going to land a girlfriend
47
00:02:22,724 --> 00:02:24,758
you'’re going to need
professional help.
48
00:02:24,827 --> 00:02:26,827
The psychiatrists have
washed their hands of me.
49
00:02:26,896 --> 00:02:27,827
They say i'’m a "downer."
50
00:02:27,896 --> 00:02:29,344
Forget about the shrinks.
51
00:02:29,413 --> 00:02:31,453
You'’re looking at the
world'’s greatest matchmaker.
52
00:02:31,517 --> 00:02:32,620
I have a perfect record
53
00:02:32,689 --> 00:02:34,344
when it comes to
shoving people together.
54
00:02:34,413 --> 00:02:36,137
You can set me up
with my dream girl?
55
00:02:36,206 --> 00:02:37,275
Yessiree, Bob.
56
00:02:37,344 --> 00:02:40,000
It'’s one of the perks of
being a nosy, intrusive yenta.
57
00:02:40,068 --> 00:02:42,793
I know everybody in westbridge
and everything about them.
58
00:02:42,862 --> 00:02:45,034
Hey, Miriam, how
far along are you?
59
00:02:45,103 --> 00:02:46,896
We'’re having a baby?
60
00:02:46,965 --> 00:02:48,586
It'’s a boy.
61
00:02:48,655 --> 00:02:50,310
And i'’m pretty
sure it'’s yours.
62
00:02:50,379 --> 00:02:51,689
Wow, you really are a yenta.
63
00:02:51,758 --> 00:02:52,827
Maybe you can help me.
64
00:02:52,896 --> 00:02:54,137
So, are you busy tonight?
65
00:02:54,206 --> 00:02:55,931
Wait a minute...
Look who i'’m asking.
66
00:02:56,000 --> 00:02:57,068
Well, you'’re busy now.
67
00:03:00,827 --> 00:03:02,379
You'’ll never guess
where i'’m going.
68
00:03:02,448 --> 00:03:03,896
To meet with the
nominating committee
69
00:03:03,965 --> 00:03:05,448
for the "professor
of the year" award?
70
00:03:05,517 --> 00:03:07,620
No, i'’m... How did you know?
71
00:03:07,689 --> 00:03:09,010
Well, I might have
planted the idea
72
00:03:09,034 --> 00:03:10,182
in professor beltran'’s head.
73
00:03:10,206 --> 00:03:11,596
But I only got him
thinking about you.
74
00:03:11,620 --> 00:03:12,724
If you get the award
75
00:03:12,793 --> 00:03:14,206
it'’s because you
truly deserve it.
76
00:03:14,275 --> 00:03:15,482
Oh, thank you, sweetheart.
77
00:03:15,551 --> 00:03:18,068
I can'’t think of a
more wonderful honor.
78
00:03:18,137 --> 00:03:19,537
You said the same
thing when you won
79
00:03:19,586 --> 00:03:21,275
"rumrunner of the
year" during prohibition.
80
00:03:21,344 --> 00:03:22,448
That may be true
81
00:03:22,517 --> 00:03:25,586
but of all the jobs i'’ve
had in the last 600 years
82
00:03:25,655 --> 00:03:27,206
I really think
inspiring young people
83
00:03:27,275 --> 00:03:28,896
is my true calling.
84
00:03:28,965 --> 00:03:30,551
Oh, to be recognized by my peers
85
00:03:30,620 --> 00:03:32,172
would just be icing on the cake.
86
00:03:32,241 --> 00:03:33,281
There'’s going to be cake?
87
00:03:33,310 --> 00:03:34,620
There will be if she wins.
88
00:03:34,689 --> 00:03:36,275
Oh, i'’m so excited
for you. Good luck.
89
00:03:36,344 --> 00:03:39,413
I'’ll call you the
minute I hear.
90
00:03:39,482 --> 00:03:42,310
And I know a way to hear
without her even having to call.
91
00:03:42,379 --> 00:03:44,379
It'’s just me...
92
00:03:44,448 --> 00:03:46,827
Your average, humble professor.
93
00:03:46,896 --> 00:03:49,000
I must say, I was
quite surprised
94
00:03:49,068 --> 00:03:50,413
when I got your call.
95
00:03:51,551 --> 00:03:54,137
Ow! So this is what
a corset feels like.
96
00:03:54,206 --> 00:03:57,137
And I continue to be surprised.
97
00:03:57,206 --> 00:03:59,931
Well, let'’s get
down to it, shall we?
98
00:04:00,000 --> 00:04:01,620
Professor spellman...
99
00:04:01,689 --> 00:04:03,724
You'’re fired.
100
00:04:03,793 --> 00:04:05,689
What?!
101
00:04:05,758 --> 00:04:06,827
Zelda: Did you just say
102
00:04:06,896 --> 00:04:08,172
that i'’m fired?
103
00:04:08,241 --> 00:04:11,344
When the committee
reviewed your qualifications
104
00:04:11,413 --> 00:04:13,241
for "professor of the year"
105
00:04:13,310 --> 00:04:15,206
your file stated that you had
106
00:04:15,275 --> 00:04:17,655
three advanced
degrees from Harvard.
107
00:04:17,724 --> 00:04:18,724
Oh, I do.
108
00:04:18,793 --> 00:04:20,793
Well, we called
Harvard to verify.
109
00:04:20,862 --> 00:04:24,034
They said the last Zelda
spellman who attended there
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00:04:24,103 --> 00:04:27,793
graduated in 1873.
111
00:04:27,862 --> 00:04:29,724
Has it really been that long?
112
00:04:29,793 --> 00:04:32,206
So while it is clear to me
113
00:04:32,275 --> 00:04:34,344
that you are not 150 years old
114
00:04:34,413 --> 00:04:37,344
I am to deduce that
you are either a liar
115
00:04:37,413 --> 00:04:38,655
or delusional.
116
00:04:38,724 --> 00:04:41,206
Are those my only options?
117
00:04:43,931 --> 00:04:45,758
Okay, studly, you'’re all set.
118
00:04:45,827 --> 00:04:47,034
Her name'’s Margie.
119
00:04:47,103 --> 00:04:48,551
You'’re meeting her tonight
120
00:04:48,620 --> 00:04:49,965
at the takahana steak house.
121
00:04:50,034 --> 00:04:51,655
Does it matter that
I Don'’t eat red meat
122
00:04:51,724 --> 00:04:52,803
and i'’m allergic to tempura?
123
00:04:52,827 --> 00:04:53,758
No. Trust me.
124
00:04:53,827 --> 00:04:54,827
You'’ll love it.
125
00:04:54,862 --> 00:04:55,907
Everything'’s served in a boat.
126
00:04:55,931 --> 00:04:57,896
Hilda, here she comes.
127
00:05:02,137 --> 00:05:04,413
I am so, so sorry.
128
00:05:04,482 --> 00:05:05,896
All: Surprise!
129
00:05:08,517 --> 00:05:10,655
Don'’t you just love balloons?
130
00:05:11,689 --> 00:05:12,862
Apparently not.
131
00:05:12,931 --> 00:05:15,931
Hilda, not only did I
not get the award...
132
00:05:16,000 --> 00:05:17,310
I got fired.
133
00:05:17,379 --> 00:05:19,517
Well, that puts a damper
on the rest of the party.
134
00:05:19,586 --> 00:05:21,620
Ix-nay on the arty-pay!
135
00:05:21,689 --> 00:05:23,103
But the cake comes home with me.
136
00:05:23,172 --> 00:05:24,310
Aunt Zelda, I had no idea
137
00:05:24,379 --> 00:05:27,172
the committee would go
snooping through your records.
138
00:05:27,241 --> 00:05:28,172
Wait a minute!
139
00:05:28,241 --> 00:05:29,689
Why didn'’t they
check with Harvard
140
00:05:29,758 --> 00:05:31,068
when they hired you?
141
00:05:31,137 --> 00:05:32,965
Well, I had just
published an article
142
00:05:33,034 --> 00:05:34,379
in the scientific American
143
00:05:34,448 --> 00:05:36,034
and had a galaxy named after me.
144
00:05:36,103 --> 00:05:37,310
They were probably so thrilled
145
00:05:37,379 --> 00:05:38,379
to have me on the faculty
146
00:05:38,448 --> 00:05:40,103
that no one bothered
to check the dates.
147
00:05:40,172 --> 00:05:42,724
Till I came along.
148
00:05:42,793 --> 00:05:45,172
Honey, you have
nothing to feel bad about.
149
00:05:45,241 --> 00:05:47,344
Sometimes things
happen for the best.
150
00:05:47,413 --> 00:05:49,034
Aunt Zelda, you
were just booted out
151
00:05:49,103 --> 00:05:50,758
of the greatest job
you'’ve ever had.
152
00:05:50,827 --> 00:05:52,068
What good can come of that?
153
00:05:52,137 --> 00:05:53,310
Who knows?
154
00:05:53,379 --> 00:05:56,103
Maybe this is my chance
to explore new directions.
155
00:05:56,172 --> 00:05:58,172
You know, take on new adventures
156
00:05:58,241 --> 00:05:59,344
new challenges.
157
00:05:59,413 --> 00:06:01,172
Wow, for someone
who'’s just had her dreams
158
00:06:01,241 --> 00:06:03,689
yanked out from under her,
you'’re taking it really well.
159
00:06:03,758 --> 00:06:06,862
When one dream
dies, another is born.
160
00:06:06,931 --> 00:06:09,965
Look out world, here
comes Zelda spellman.
161
00:06:11,965 --> 00:06:14,137
Boy, she is really
letting you off the hook.
162
00:06:14,206 --> 00:06:15,482
I wouldn'’t.
163
00:06:15,551 --> 00:06:17,448
Please, she'’s not
letting me off the hook.
164
00:06:17,517 --> 00:06:20,034
She'’s just pretending to
feel good so I Don'’t feel bad.
165
00:06:20,103 --> 00:06:21,344
Well, i'’m not going to rest
166
00:06:21,413 --> 00:06:24,379
until she admits that she feels
bad so I can start feeling good.
167
00:06:24,448 --> 00:06:25,827
Or something like that.
168
00:06:30,000 --> 00:06:32,034
Talk about my perfect woman.
169
00:06:32,103 --> 00:06:34,000
Talk about a snowball'’s chance.
170
00:06:35,000 --> 00:06:36,275
Whatcha doing?
171
00:06:36,344 --> 00:06:37,655
You must be miles.
172
00:06:37,724 --> 00:06:39,379
I'’m Margie. I already
ordered for you.
173
00:06:39,448 --> 00:06:40,896
Don'’t you just love this place?
174
00:06:40,965 --> 00:06:42,344
Everything'’s served in boats.
175
00:06:42,413 --> 00:06:43,689
Have we met before?
176
00:06:43,758 --> 00:06:44,931
No... oh, guess what?
177
00:06:45,000 --> 00:06:46,724
I got us tickets to the circus.
178
00:06:46,793 --> 00:06:48,068
You love the circus, right?
179
00:06:48,137 --> 00:06:49,620
Actually, clowns terrify me.
180
00:06:49,689 --> 00:06:50,689
Don'’t be ridiculous.
181
00:06:50,724 --> 00:06:52,172
You'’ll have a great time.
182
00:06:52,241 --> 00:06:53,310
Trust me. Trust you?
183
00:06:53,379 --> 00:06:54,699
I'’m already
breaking out in hives
184
00:06:54,758 --> 00:06:55,827
just smelling the tempura.
185
00:06:55,896 --> 00:06:57,344
But a circus...
That takes the cake.
186
00:06:57,413 --> 00:06:59,724
There'’s going to be cake?
187
00:06:59,793 --> 00:07:00,862
Hi, is aunt Zelda here?
188
00:07:00,931 --> 00:07:03,379
I just brought her over a
16-pound log of chocolate
189
00:07:03,448 --> 00:07:05,068
to cheer her up.
190
00:07:05,137 --> 00:07:06,758
And just to prove
i'’m truly remorseful
191
00:07:06,827 --> 00:07:08,827
i'’m wearing horsehair
undergarments.
192
00:07:08,896 --> 00:07:10,103
That might fly with Zelda
193
00:07:10,172 --> 00:07:11,931
but how are you going
to apologize to me?
194
00:07:12,000 --> 00:07:13,586
[ Saxophone shrieking]For what?
195
00:07:13,655 --> 00:07:14,931
That!
196
00:07:15,000 --> 00:07:17,586
Oh, for the love of all
things great and small... stop!
197
00:07:17,655 --> 00:07:19,482
[ Salem whimpering]Hi,
aunt Zelda.
198
00:07:19,551 --> 00:07:20,896
You sound really good.
199
00:07:20,965 --> 00:07:22,275
I got a saxophone.
200
00:07:22,344 --> 00:07:24,482
I'’ve always wanted
to take up jazz.
201
00:07:24,551 --> 00:07:26,310
When are you going to start?
202
00:07:26,379 --> 00:07:27,827
So, instead of teaching
203
00:07:27,896 --> 00:07:30,310
you'’re going to
become a jazz musician?
204
00:07:30,379 --> 00:07:32,103
Well, i'’m free to
do whatever I want.
205
00:07:32,172 --> 00:07:33,931
Maybe i'’ll be the next Kenny g
206
00:07:34,000 --> 00:07:35,724
or maybe i'’ll be
a brain surgeon
207
00:07:35,793 --> 00:07:37,793
or maybe i'’ll get
a job pumping gas.
208
00:07:37,862 --> 00:07:39,379
I'’m a woman with options.
209
00:07:39,448 --> 00:07:40,586
Options are good.
210
00:07:40,655 --> 00:07:42,103
And so is chocolate.
211
00:07:42,172 --> 00:07:43,310
Maybe later, sweetheart.
212
00:07:43,379 --> 00:07:45,619
Right now i'’ve got to drain
the spit from my mouthpiece.
213
00:07:47,931 --> 00:07:50,206
I feel so awful about
what I did to aunt Zelda.
214
00:07:50,275 --> 00:07:52,310
I'’ve got to help her
figure out her options.
215
00:07:52,379 --> 00:07:54,172
Here'’s the only option I see:
216
00:07:54,241 --> 00:07:56,896
Put her in a basket and
send her down the nile.
217
00:07:56,965 --> 00:07:58,206
You are so weird.
218
00:07:58,275 --> 00:07:59,586
It helps break up the day.
219
00:08:01,172 --> 00:08:03,137
All ready for my dinner party.
220
00:08:03,206 --> 00:08:05,068
Now all I need is... dinner.
221
00:08:07,241 --> 00:08:09,000
Talk about the hostess
with the mostest.
222
00:08:10,448 --> 00:08:12,551
Perle mesta, eat your heart out.
223
00:08:12,620 --> 00:08:14,517
[ Doorbell rings]
224
00:08:14,586 --> 00:08:17,344
Hi, Sabrina.
225
00:08:17,413 --> 00:08:19,379
Oh, the table looks lovely.
226
00:08:19,448 --> 00:08:22,103
But I thought it was just
the two of us for dinner.
227
00:08:22,172 --> 00:08:23,689
Yeah, but then I thought
228
00:08:23,758 --> 00:08:25,448
why not entertain
a few more options?
229
00:08:28,206 --> 00:08:29,862
Aunt Zelda, say
hello to Lenny b.
230
00:08:29,931 --> 00:08:31,103
Kenny g'’s on tour.
231
00:08:31,172 --> 00:08:33,758
[ Plays riff]
232
00:08:33,827 --> 00:08:36,448
And this is Dr. Schwartz,
world-renowned brain surgeon.
233
00:08:36,517 --> 00:08:38,275
With a seven handicap.
234
00:08:38,344 --> 00:08:40,172
And this is Ernesto,
gas station owner.
235
00:08:40,241 --> 00:08:43,137
I prefer "petroleum
products engineer."
236
00:08:43,206 --> 00:08:44,448
Sabrina, what is going on?
237
00:08:44,517 --> 00:08:46,793
They'’re here to help you
decide what you want to do
238
00:08:46,862 --> 00:08:48,586
with the rest of
your life. Cool, huh?
239
00:08:48,655 --> 00:08:52,034
I will never understand how
this whole "playing god" thing
240
00:08:52,103 --> 00:08:53,620
has gotten such a bad rap.
241
00:08:53,689 --> 00:08:55,137
I mean, after all
242
00:08:55,206 --> 00:08:56,551
if you'’re going
to play anything
243
00:08:56,620 --> 00:08:57,965
it'’s either that
or golf, right?
244
00:08:58,965 --> 00:09:00,275
Hey, if you want to get into gas
245
00:09:00,344 --> 00:09:01,379
you got to move quick
246
00:09:01,448 --> 00:09:03,068
because it'’s a young
person'’s business.
247
00:09:03,137 --> 00:09:04,137
Don'’t be ridiculous.
248
00:09:04,172 --> 00:09:05,172
Look at those hands.
249
00:09:05,241 --> 00:09:07,034
They were meant
to cut people open.
250
00:09:07,103 --> 00:09:08,734
Oh, and you Don'’t
think I got nice hands?
251
00:09:08,758 --> 00:09:10,551
Gentlemen, please.
252
00:09:10,620 --> 00:09:14,068
I Don'’t want to be a
brain surgeon or a musician
253
00:09:14,137 --> 00:09:15,689
or a gas pumptress.
254
00:09:15,758 --> 00:09:17,551
Sabrina, I just came
up with those ideas
255
00:09:17,620 --> 00:09:18,758
off the top of my head.
256
00:09:18,827 --> 00:09:21,000
I have no idea what I
want to do with my life.
257
00:09:21,068 --> 00:09:23,103
Hello, whole point
of the evening.
258
00:09:24,965 --> 00:09:27,655
Honey, I know you
mean well, but...
259
00:09:27,724 --> 00:09:30,275
Look, there'’s a lot more
where those came from.
260
00:09:30,344 --> 00:09:32,344
Tinker, tailor, soldier, spy.
261
00:09:32,413 --> 00:09:34,551
But then I have to set
another place for dinner.
262
00:09:34,620 --> 00:09:36,448
Honey, no more options.
263
00:09:36,517 --> 00:09:38,310
All I need is some time to think
264
00:09:38,379 --> 00:09:41,034
which is why I booked myself
a week at the other realm spa.
265
00:09:41,103 --> 00:09:42,182
Well, I could come with you.
266
00:09:42,206 --> 00:09:43,389
You could bounce ideas off me.
267
00:09:43,413 --> 00:09:44,872
I really want to
help you feel better.
268
00:09:44,896 --> 00:09:46,241
Honey, i'’m fine.
269
00:09:46,310 --> 00:09:49,724
I Don'’t think it'’s me you
want to help feel better.
270
00:09:49,793 --> 00:09:51,137
It'’s you.
271
00:09:51,206 --> 00:09:52,424
You are on a serious guilt trip.
272
00:09:52,448 --> 00:09:54,103
I'’m not on a guilt trip.
273
00:09:54,172 --> 00:09:55,862
Then explain the bus
in your living room.
274
00:09:57,137 --> 00:09:59,103
I'’m here to pick up
Sabrina spellman.
275
00:09:59,172 --> 00:09:59,896
What for?
276
00:09:59,965 --> 00:10:01,344
Your guilt trip, honey.
277
00:10:01,413 --> 00:10:03,310
You need help with your baggage?
278
00:10:03,379 --> 00:10:04,655
I Don'’t have any baggage.
279
00:10:04,724 --> 00:10:06,827
Ha. That'’s what they all say.
280
00:10:10,379 --> 00:10:11,517
Have a nice trip, honey.
281
00:10:14,034 --> 00:10:16,241
Uh, I think there'’s
been a mistake.
282
00:10:16,310 --> 00:10:18,517
I'’m really not
supposed to be here.
283
00:10:18,586 --> 00:10:21,172
Oh? So you'’re saying
I Don'’t know my job?
284
00:10:21,241 --> 00:10:24,034
Fine. Then maybe I
just won'’t do it anymore.
285
00:10:24,103 --> 00:10:26,310
I'’m sorry! I'’m sorry!
286
00:10:26,379 --> 00:10:29,068
I'’m definitely
meant to be here.
287
00:10:29,137 --> 00:10:30,793
That'’s more like it.
288
00:10:30,862 --> 00:10:32,206
Hi. I'’m Carrie.
289
00:10:32,275 --> 00:10:34,448
I'’m the worst person
in the entire world.
290
00:10:34,517 --> 00:10:36,103
I left my fiancé at the altar.
291
00:10:36,172 --> 00:10:39,275
Oh, you must feel
so... Of course, guilty.
292
00:10:39,344 --> 00:10:40,689
I'’m Chad.
293
00:10:40,758 --> 00:10:43,517
And actually i'’m the
worst person in the world.
294
00:10:43,586 --> 00:10:44,827
I gave my clients
295
00:10:44,896 --> 00:10:46,137
such bad financial advice
296
00:10:46,206 --> 00:10:48,079
that most of them have
had to declare bankruptcy.
297
00:10:48,103 --> 00:10:50,310
Wow, compared to you
two, i'’m Shirley temple.
298
00:10:50,379 --> 00:10:51,620
Hardly.
299
00:10:51,689 --> 00:10:53,379
Well, I did accidentally
300
00:10:53,448 --> 00:10:55,965
get my aunt fired
from her dream job
301
00:10:56,034 --> 00:10:57,586
and destroy her life.
302
00:10:57,655 --> 00:11:00,758
Oh, my god, i'’m the
worst person in the world.
303
00:11:00,827 --> 00:11:02,310
Now you'’re catching on.
304
00:11:02,379 --> 00:11:03,655
So what are we supposed to do?
305
00:11:03,724 --> 00:11:04,758
Just fly around up here
306
00:11:04,827 --> 00:11:06,448
wallowing in our misery forever?
307
00:11:06,517 --> 00:11:07,931
Well, that'’s
entirely up to you.
308
00:11:08,000 --> 00:11:09,655
Once you work
through your guilt trip
309
00:11:09,724 --> 00:11:10,758
I let you off the bus.
310
00:11:10,827 --> 00:11:12,034
You want my last cracker?
311
00:11:12,103 --> 00:11:13,103
Oh, no, I couldn'’t.
312
00:11:13,172 --> 00:11:14,206
I'’d feel too guilty.
313
00:11:14,275 --> 00:11:16,655
It'’s going to be a long trip.
314
00:11:23,137 --> 00:11:24,965
Oh, this trip is excruciating.
315
00:11:25,034 --> 00:11:27,896
How much longer do we
have to stay on this ride?
316
00:11:27,965 --> 00:11:29,931
I'’m going to be
on this trip forever.
317
00:11:30,000 --> 00:11:32,068
I'’m never going to
stop feeling guilty.
318
00:11:32,137 --> 00:11:33,689
So...
319
00:11:33,758 --> 00:11:36,482
Why did you leave
your fiancé at the altar?
320
00:11:36,551 --> 00:11:38,482
I realized I didn'’t love Roger.
321
00:11:38,551 --> 00:11:40,724
I knew that if I went
through with the marriage
322
00:11:40,793 --> 00:11:42,034
we'’d be miserable forever.
323
00:11:42,103 --> 00:11:43,758
You know, Carrie, it seems to me
324
00:11:43,827 --> 00:11:45,620
that you did Roger a huge favor.
325
00:11:45,689 --> 00:11:47,068
I mean, if you didn'’t love him
326
00:11:47,137 --> 00:11:49,424
then you saved him from making
the biggest mistake of his life.
327
00:11:49,448 --> 00:11:51,275
I never looked at
it that way before.
328
00:11:52,620 --> 00:11:54,482
It was the right thing to do.
329
00:11:54,551 --> 00:11:56,793
This is the best
i'’ve felt since...
330
00:11:59,344 --> 00:12:01,172
Okay, that was fairly random.
331
00:12:01,241 --> 00:12:02,931
She worked
through her guilt trip
332
00:12:03,000 --> 00:12:04,068
so I sent her home.
333
00:12:04,137 --> 00:12:05,068
Well, I helped.
334
00:12:05,137 --> 00:12:06,379
Can you drop me off, too?
335
00:12:06,448 --> 00:12:08,517
Well, I would, but
then i'’d feel guilty.
336
00:12:08,586 --> 00:12:10,275
Maybe she'’ll let
you off if you help me
337
00:12:10,344 --> 00:12:11,482
get over my guilt.
338
00:12:11,551 --> 00:12:12,586
It'’s worth a shot.
339
00:12:12,655 --> 00:12:14,724
Okay, you say you gave
your clients bad advice?
340
00:12:14,793 --> 00:12:16,034
The worst.
341
00:12:16,103 --> 00:12:18,413
But did you know it was bad
when you gave it to them?
342
00:12:18,482 --> 00:12:20,827
No. I even invested my own
money in the same stocks.
343
00:12:20,896 --> 00:12:22,724
Come on, Chad,
this isn'’t your fault.
344
00:12:22,793 --> 00:12:24,068
Stocks are risky by nature
345
00:12:24,137 --> 00:12:25,310
and you'’re no miss Cleo.
346
00:12:25,379 --> 00:12:26,689
You did the best you could
347
00:12:26,758 --> 00:12:28,413
and that'’s all
anybody could ask.
348
00:12:28,482 --> 00:12:29,793
You'’re right.
349
00:12:29,862 --> 00:12:31,206
I have nothing to feel guilty...
350
00:12:32,586 --> 00:12:34,862
Would it kill you to let
someone say good-bye?
351
00:12:34,931 --> 00:12:36,137
Okay, here goes...
352
00:12:36,206 --> 00:12:39,896
I tried to get my aunt
elected professor of the year
353
00:12:39,965 --> 00:12:42,103
but instead, I got her fired.
354
00:12:42,172 --> 00:12:46,206
Okay, now that I worked
through it... ready, aim... fire.
355
00:12:46,275 --> 00:12:48,689
You'’re going to have
to do better than that.
356
00:12:48,758 --> 00:12:49,310
Okay.
357
00:12:49,379 --> 00:12:51,137
Easy.
358
00:12:51,206 --> 00:12:53,931
Uh, my aunt says
it doesn'’t bother her
359
00:12:54,000 --> 00:12:56,620
and not to blame
myself, so I Don'’t.
360
00:12:56,689 --> 00:12:58,551
Whoo-hoo, i'’m going home.
361
00:12:58,620 --> 00:13:00,862
Hey, hey, could you hit
that little ejecto button?
362
00:13:00,931 --> 00:13:02,448
I'’d really like to
take a shower.
363
00:13:02,517 --> 00:13:04,827
You got your aunt fired?
364
00:13:04,896 --> 00:13:07,827
What kind of a person
would do such a thing?
365
00:13:07,896 --> 00:13:10,000
A really, really guilty person.
366
00:13:11,517 --> 00:13:13,206
Well?
367
00:13:13,275 --> 00:13:14,413
Well, what?
368
00:13:14,482 --> 00:13:16,275
Margie... your perfect woman.
369
00:13:16,344 --> 00:13:17,344
How much do you love me?
370
00:13:17,379 --> 00:13:18,793
Feel free to heap on the praise.
371
00:13:18,862 --> 00:13:21,689
It was the single worst
dating experience of my life.
372
00:13:21,758 --> 00:13:22,931
What are you talking about?
373
00:13:23,000 --> 00:13:24,862
Margie thought you
were the perfect match.
374
00:13:24,931 --> 00:13:26,137
But I didn'’t say two words.
375
00:13:26,206 --> 00:13:27,769
She kept bossing me
around and cutting me off.
376
00:13:27,793 --> 00:13:28,827
I just think...
377
00:13:28,896 --> 00:13:31,241
You pick up that phone
and call her now. Go.
378
00:13:31,310 --> 00:13:33,379
Hilda, trust me,
we didn'’t click.
379
00:13:33,448 --> 00:13:35,620
How would you know
if you clicked or not?
380
00:13:35,689 --> 00:13:38,448
Honestly, you go to all
this trouble to help people.
381
00:13:38,517 --> 00:13:40,137
All right, all
right, i'’m calling.
382
00:13:40,206 --> 00:13:41,275
You bet you are.
383
00:13:41,344 --> 00:13:43,310
No one is screwing
up my perfect record.
384
00:13:43,379 --> 00:13:45,034
Hello, Margie.
385
00:13:45,103 --> 00:13:46,862
Ah, young love.
386
00:13:48,931 --> 00:13:50,689
I swear, I could
eat here every day.
387
00:13:50,758 --> 00:13:52,206
You haven'’t touched your food.
388
00:13:52,275 --> 00:13:53,275
Like I said
389
00:13:53,344 --> 00:13:55,000
i'’m highly allergic to... Eat.
390
00:13:55,068 --> 00:13:56,482
Oh, great news.
391
00:13:56,551 --> 00:13:58,241
There'’s a carnival
coming to town.
392
00:13:58,310 --> 00:13:59,551
It'’ll be here for a week.
393
00:13:59,620 --> 00:14:01,413
So we can go at
least seven times.
394
00:14:01,482 --> 00:14:03,586
How can anybody call
this a perfect match?
395
00:14:03,655 --> 00:14:07,413
Just like I thought.
It'’s a perfect match.
396
00:14:07,482 --> 00:14:09,827
[ Body thuds]
397
00:14:09,896 --> 00:14:11,379
Oops.
398
00:14:11,448 --> 00:14:13,241
We'’ve got a seat open.
399
00:14:13,310 --> 00:14:15,103
Look, my aunt'’s not mad at me
400
00:14:15,172 --> 00:14:17,344
so I have no
reason to feel guilty.
401
00:14:17,413 --> 00:14:19,448
Now let me off
this frickin'’ bus!
402
00:14:19,517 --> 00:14:22,793
Hey, Sandra bullock,
stay behind the yellow line.
403
00:14:22,862 --> 00:14:24,827
[ Sighs]
404
00:14:24,896 --> 00:14:26,000
Where'’s your aunt now?
405
00:14:26,068 --> 00:14:27,517
She'’s at the other realm spa
406
00:14:27,586 --> 00:14:30,413
figuring out her options, which
she now has, thanks to me.
407
00:14:30,482 --> 00:14:33,000
If everything is the
way you say it is
408
00:14:33,068 --> 00:14:34,275
i'’ll let you go.
409
00:14:34,344 --> 00:14:35,862
Hang on.
410
00:14:35,931 --> 00:14:38,172
[ Sighs]
411
00:14:38,241 --> 00:14:39,965
Don'’t you just love the heat?
412
00:14:40,034 --> 00:14:42,000
Really opens up the mind.
413
00:14:42,068 --> 00:14:44,275
Me, i'’m schvitzing over here.
414
00:14:44,344 --> 00:14:47,206
Don'’t worry, nobody can see us.
415
00:14:47,275 --> 00:14:49,862
Yes, but unfortunately,
we can see him.
416
00:14:49,931 --> 00:14:52,827
You know, I really do
have a wonderful life.
417
00:14:52,896 --> 00:14:55,310
No worries, no responsibilities.
418
00:14:55,379 --> 00:14:58,103
Just an endless
sea of possibility.
419
00:14:58,172 --> 00:14:59,517
Do you really believe
420
00:14:59,586 --> 00:15:02,034
any of this malarkey
you'’re spouting?
421
00:15:02,103 --> 00:15:04,068
It'’s not malarkey.
422
00:15:04,137 --> 00:15:06,793
I am thrilled to have all
these new doors opening.
423
00:15:06,862 --> 00:15:08,620
There. May I please go now?
424
00:15:08,689 --> 00:15:09,620
Not so fast.
425
00:15:09,689 --> 00:15:10,724
I smell a rat.
426
00:15:10,793 --> 00:15:12,620
That'’s just Salem'’s musk.
427
00:15:12,689 --> 00:15:14,965
Zelda, I know you better
than you know yourself.
428
00:15:15,034 --> 00:15:16,448
And that scares me.
429
00:15:16,517 --> 00:15:19,000
You'’re miserable
without that job.
430
00:15:19,068 --> 00:15:20,413
You'’re right.
431
00:15:20,482 --> 00:15:21,620
I'’m crushed.
432
00:15:21,689 --> 00:15:23,068
I loved teaching
433
00:15:23,137 --> 00:15:24,275
at Adams.
434
00:15:24,344 --> 00:15:26,310
It was everything to me.
435
00:15:26,379 --> 00:15:31,103
When I lost that job, my
soul died a tragic death.
436
00:15:31,172 --> 00:15:32,482
[ Sniffling]
437
00:15:32,551 --> 00:15:36,793
Excuse me while I drown
my sorrows in the plunge pool.
438
00:15:36,862 --> 00:15:40,448
Killed her soul...
That'’s a new one.
439
00:15:40,517 --> 00:15:42,275
You'’ve got to let
me off this guilt trip.
440
00:15:42,344 --> 00:15:43,448
I'’ve got to help her.
441
00:15:43,517 --> 00:15:45,206
I'’ve been doing
nothing but sitting around
442
00:15:45,275 --> 00:15:47,379
trying to figure out how
to make myself feel better
443
00:15:47,448 --> 00:15:49,586
when really what I should'’ve
been doing was hel...
444
00:15:49,655 --> 00:15:52,034
Hey, you'’re pretty tricky.
445
00:15:52,103 --> 00:15:53,172
It'’s a gift.
446
00:15:56,551 --> 00:15:57,862
You got to love a girl
447
00:15:57,931 --> 00:16:00,931
who doesn'’t feel guilty
about sleeping in all day.
448
00:16:01,000 --> 00:16:02,793
Believe me, I wasn'’t sleeping.
449
00:16:02,862 --> 00:16:04,827
Then where were you
and why do smell like...
450
00:16:04,896 --> 00:16:06,586
[ Sniffs] Bus fumes and musk?
451
00:16:06,655 --> 00:16:09,137
I was trying out
this new Cologne.
452
00:16:09,206 --> 00:16:11,758
It'’s called guilty
by association.
453
00:16:11,827 --> 00:16:14,103
Well, while you were out
sampling diesel perfume
454
00:16:14,172 --> 00:16:16,172
I was busy trying to
get Zelda'’s job back.
455
00:16:16,241 --> 00:16:18,068
I already got 20
signatures from students
456
00:16:18,137 --> 00:16:19,448
trying to get her reinstated.
457
00:16:19,517 --> 00:16:21,448
See, that'’s what I
should have been doing.
458
00:16:21,517 --> 00:16:23,344
That'’s it... i'’m going
with you to help.
459
00:16:23,413 --> 00:16:25,689
We'’ll get a lot more
signatures if you take a shower.
460
00:16:25,758 --> 00:16:27,620
Whoo! Good idea.
461
00:16:30,344 --> 00:16:31,344
So it shouldn'’t just be
462
00:16:31,379 --> 00:16:32,931
about her resume
or her credentials.
463
00:16:33,000 --> 00:16:35,275
It should be about the passion
she brings to the subject.
464
00:16:35,344 --> 00:16:36,413
I mean, come on
465
00:16:36,482 --> 00:16:38,862
she'’s a quantum physics
teacher, for crying out loud
466
00:16:38,931 --> 00:16:40,482
and the students still love her.
467
00:16:40,551 --> 00:16:42,310
I have here over
200 signatures...
468
00:16:42,379 --> 00:16:44,551
Ms. Spellman, we agree
with everything you'’ve said.
469
00:16:44,620 --> 00:16:47,241
We would love to give
your aunt her job back.
470
00:16:47,310 --> 00:16:49,413
Great. I can'’t wait to
tell her the good news.
471
00:16:49,482 --> 00:16:50,827
I'’d hold off.
472
00:16:51,896 --> 00:16:53,344
The only way
473
00:16:53,413 --> 00:16:55,344
that we can reinstate
professor spellman
474
00:16:55,413 --> 00:16:57,862
is if she were to complete
all of the course work
475
00:16:57,931 --> 00:17:00,206
that would be necessary
for a doctoral degree.
476
00:17:00,275 --> 00:17:01,655
No problem.
477
00:17:01,724 --> 00:17:04,344
How long will that
take? Seven years.
478
00:17:04,413 --> 00:17:06,965
Unfortunately, we'’re hiring a
replacement in three weeks.
479
00:17:07,034 --> 00:17:09,354
You'’ll have everything you
need on your desk in two weeks.
480
00:17:09,379 --> 00:17:10,965
That'’s impossible.
481
00:17:11,034 --> 00:17:12,448
You Don'’t know my aunt.
482
00:17:12,517 --> 00:17:13,793
That'’s impossible.
483
00:17:13,862 --> 00:17:15,458
Do you want to spend
the rest of your life
484
00:17:15,482 --> 00:17:16,838
schvitzing in a
sauna with your cat?
485
00:17:16,862 --> 00:17:18,068
I'’ll need a sharp pencil.
486
00:17:47,551 --> 00:17:48,896
That'’s it.
487
00:17:48,965 --> 00:17:50,275
You did it.
488
00:17:50,344 --> 00:17:53,172
Okay, i'’m just going to run
these over to the college and...
489
00:18:11,310 --> 00:18:12,310
Nice hat.
490
00:18:12,344 --> 00:18:13,586
Poodle?
491
00:18:13,655 --> 00:18:16,137
No. Margie made me
wear the poodle yesterday.
492
00:18:16,206 --> 00:18:17,310
Today is ferret day.
493
00:18:17,379 --> 00:18:19,034
Boy, you must
really like this girl
494
00:18:19,103 --> 00:18:21,137
if you'’re willing to
walk around looking...
495
00:18:21,206 --> 00:18:23,034
Granted... better
than you usually look.
496
00:18:23,103 --> 00:18:24,137
I hate looking like this.
497
00:18:24,206 --> 00:18:25,793
I hate that I let her
boss me around.
498
00:18:25,862 --> 00:18:27,689
I hate every moment
that i'’m with Margie.
499
00:18:27,758 --> 00:18:29,344
Why Don'’t you just
break up with her?
500
00:18:29,413 --> 00:18:32,310
Why didn'’t the Belgians just ask
the Germans to go around them?
501
00:18:32,379 --> 00:18:34,517
She is themost aggressive
woman i'’ve ever met
502
00:18:34,586 --> 00:18:36,206
and i'’m totally
nonconfrontational.
503
00:18:36,275 --> 00:18:38,586
What if I introduced you
to somebody who could be
504
00:18:38,655 --> 00:18:39,827
confrontational for you?
505
00:18:39,896 --> 00:18:41,137
No thanks.
506
00:18:41,206 --> 00:18:43,241
I'’ve been set up
enough for three lifetimes.
507
00:18:43,310 --> 00:18:44,241
Your choice.
508
00:18:44,310 --> 00:18:45,620
I'’m sure you'’ll look adorable
509
00:18:45,689 --> 00:18:47,206
in tomorrow'’s ferret hat.
510
00:18:47,275 --> 00:18:50,000
Even though you kept me waiting
511
00:18:50,068 --> 00:18:51,965
I made you a present.
512
00:18:53,655 --> 00:18:55,344
Take the silly hat off the man.
513
00:18:55,413 --> 00:18:56,793
Who are you?
514
00:18:56,862 --> 00:18:59,448
Miles'’s girlfriend.
515
00:18:59,517 --> 00:19:00,517
You are?
516
00:19:01,103 --> 00:19:02,103
I mean, she is.
517
00:19:02,172 --> 00:19:03,103
Oh, yeah?
518
00:19:03,172 --> 00:19:05,034
Then why has he been seeing me
519
00:19:05,103 --> 00:19:06,620
for the last two weeks?
520
00:19:06,689 --> 00:19:08,344
Because I needed some space.
521
00:19:08,413 --> 00:19:10,379
But I Don'’t
anymore, understand?
522
00:19:10,448 --> 00:19:12,310
Please, you'’re so not his type.
523
00:19:12,379 --> 00:19:14,517
Margie, you'’re not hearing me.
524
00:19:14,586 --> 00:19:16,620
Miles might be
525
00:19:16,689 --> 00:19:19,000
a paranoid,
conspiracy-loving trekkie freak
526
00:19:19,068 --> 00:19:22,000
but he'’s myparanoid,
conspiracy-loving trekkie freak.
527
00:19:22,068 --> 00:19:24,344
So take your carny ways
and your Asian meats
528
00:19:24,413 --> 00:19:25,517
and hit the road.
529
00:19:25,586 --> 00:19:27,517
Wow, you'’re even
bossier than I am.
530
00:19:27,586 --> 00:19:29,413
You'’ve got
yourself a great girl.
531
00:19:29,482 --> 00:19:30,655
I'’ll miss you, though.
532
00:19:30,724 --> 00:19:33,620
Most of the guys I date
Don'’t actually wear the hats.
533
00:19:34,862 --> 00:19:36,137
Roxie, I...
534
00:19:36,206 --> 00:19:37,448
You'’re welcome.
535
00:19:37,517 --> 00:19:39,896
And next time you'’re trying
to find your perfect match
536
00:19:39,965 --> 00:19:41,931
trust your own instincts,
not someone else'’s.
537
00:19:42,000 --> 00:19:44,275
Thanks. I'’ll do that.
538
00:19:46,310 --> 00:19:49,448
Zelda, I Don'’t
know how you did it
539
00:19:49,517 --> 00:19:52,379
but this is the quickest
academic tour De force
540
00:19:52,448 --> 00:19:53,931
I have ever encountered.
541
00:19:54,000 --> 00:19:55,758
Just happy to be back.
542
00:19:55,827 --> 00:19:58,103
Oh! Oh! Smidge of carpal tunnel.
543
00:19:58,172 --> 00:19:59,172
Well, i'’m just happy
544
00:19:59,206 --> 00:20:00,862
that your niece
was so persistent.
545
00:20:00,931 --> 00:20:03,310
Yes, she'’s a
pretty amazing girl.
546
00:20:05,517 --> 00:20:07,965
Couldn'’t have
done it without her.
547
00:20:08,034 --> 00:20:12,206
And while professor of the
year is out of the question
548
00:20:12,275 --> 00:20:14,724
I would say that you'’ve
got a pretty good shot
549
00:20:14,793 --> 00:20:16,000
at student of the year.
550
00:20:17,517 --> 00:20:18,620
Woo-hoo!
551
00:20:18,689 --> 00:20:20,620
Ow!
552
00:20:23,448 --> 00:20:24,758
Where you going?
553
00:20:24,827 --> 00:20:26,000
To the circus with Margie.
554
00:20:26,068 --> 00:20:27,103
Miles may have no taste
555
00:20:27,172 --> 00:20:28,379
but I think she'’s fabulous.
556
00:20:28,448 --> 00:20:29,965
Hi.
557
00:20:30,034 --> 00:20:32,172
I just met a guy who'’d
be perfect for you.
558
00:20:32,241 --> 00:20:33,517
You'’re going out Saturday.
559
00:20:33,586 --> 00:20:34,586
I love this girl.
560
00:20:34,655 --> 00:20:36,827
And I love your outfit.
561
00:20:36,896 --> 00:20:38,137
Let'’s go, sister.
562
00:20:38,206 --> 00:20:41,137
It'’s enough to make
you swear off women.
563
00:20:41,206 --> 00:20:43,655
Okay, i'’ve sworn
off long enough.
564
00:20:43,724 --> 00:20:46,068
My true love is waiting right...
565
00:20:46,137 --> 00:20:47,827
Here.
566
00:20:48,896 --> 00:20:49,931
Woman: Hello?
567
00:20:50,000 --> 00:20:52,137
Hello, back at ya, baby.
568
00:20:52,206 --> 00:20:53,275
Who is this?
569
00:20:53,344 --> 00:20:54,931
Purr-fection in
a little furry suit.
570
00:20:55,000 --> 00:20:57,482
Whoever you are, I Don'’t
have time for this, all right?
571
00:20:57,551 --> 00:20:59,310
I'’m on the road
talking on my cell phone
572
00:20:59,379 --> 00:21:01,000
and this may be
one of those states
573
00:21:01,068 --> 00:21:02,482
where you get arrested for that.
574
00:21:02,551 --> 00:21:03,862
Okay, let'’s go a different way.
575
00:21:03,931 --> 00:21:05,241
Is your refrigerator running?
576
00:21:05,310 --> 00:21:08,206
[ Dial tone]Hello? Hello?
41542
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