Original subtitles

"Dear Josh, I can'’t wait for you

"to get back from Europe so we can make up for lost time.

"We can have romantic dinners

"spend the weekend in the berkshires

maybe go see a baseball game... Go Red Sox!"

[ Descending]: And get that blimp out of my way!

♪ Life'’s changing around me, and i'’m gonna make it mine ♪

♪ i'’m reaching out and living by my rules... ♪

♪ Time'’s moving way too fast ♪

♪ I wanna make it last...

♪ '’cause i'’m out on my own now ♪

♪ and I like the way it feels.

I have been going through my closet all morning.

Now, which one of these two says

"welcome back, Josh."

I can'’t believe you'’re obsessing

over which outfit is going to impress a guy.

Especially

if we'’re talking about those outfits.

They both scream, "donate me!"

The one on the left is mine.

Like I said...

Great news.

I just got a part-time job at school.

Yours truly has been chosen to be a Guinea pig

for research experiments.

That would explain the phone Jack

sticking out of your neck.

F.y.i., i'’ll be tying up

the line for a while.

The organic computer lab

is expecting my afternoon brain dump.

There'’s really no way to respond to that, is there?

Hey...

Nice outfits.

That settles it.

I'’m calling goodwill.

Aunt hilda, what time is it?

Oh, time for you to stop annoying me.

Sabrina, Josh'’s plane doesn'’t land for another four hours.

I know. It'’s just that I want to make sure

that I have enough time to get cleaned up

give myself a manicure.

Tweeze that ugly ingrown...

Ooh.

And hello to you.

Big news...

I'’ve been selected to throw a party

for the president of Adams college.

I'’d rather hear about tweezing.

You were saying, ingrown...

Zelda: Hilda...

The school is divvying up a major donation

and the science department has chosen me

to appeal to president banning.

Won'’t be difficult.

Lord knows i'’m appealing.

And now we all know.

I just need a place to throw the party.

It has to be somewhere unique, yet intimate.

Casual, yet classy.

Mmm, where could that be?

Java joint that'’s been dead all summer?

Sister with no cash flow?

You want me to have a cocktail party in a coffee house?

I Don'’t see a coffee house.

There. You got your intimate, your casual, your classy.

My freakin'’ luck.

I'’ll make sure that classy has the night off.

Armando

will be filling in for her.

Hilda, you'’ve got the job.

Oh, she makes it too easy.

Aunt hilda, i'’ve got coffee grounds

in every hole in my head.

Do you mind if I take the night off?

Go ahead, Sabrina.

It'’s not like we have any customers coming in.

Except that guy.

Josh!

Hey...

Oh...

I took an earlier flight.

I couldn'’t wait to see you.

Oh, you look great, and I look terrible.

Your timing stinks worse than I do.

Sabrina, I just spent 19 hours on a flight from Istanbul

sharing a blanket with a goat.

You smell great.

Wow, I know you'’ve only been gone a couple months

but there'’s something different

about your whole energy.

Yeah? Well, I feel different.

Oh, I got so many stories to tell you

and pictures to show you.

Pictures later, kisses now.

Okay. Mmm.

Oh, I wish you could have been with me in Prague.

I got to hang out with the senior editor

of the Prague forward.

You mean voicek sznitsky?

You know him?

Well, I feel like do.

You mentioned him in every email.

Oh, right.

Well, I couldn'’t have told you this...

Before I left, he said there might be a job for me over there

as a photo journalist.

How cool would that be?

Josh wants to go back to Prague?

That place is so amazing.

Picture this, all right?

5,000 Czechs protesting a beef by-products plant

and me...

He just got here

and he'’s thinking about leaving.

What about our romantic dinners?

I got us red sox tickets.

I pre-paid for those suckers.

Sabrina, are you listening?

Oh, yeah. You know, Czechs, beef by-products...

Sounds like heaven.

The culture'’s so different

but the people are friendly and...

This is serious.

I'’ve got to make sure Josh stays in Boston.

Quick. Think of something exciting and original.

Hey, you want to come over for dinner?

Oh, i'’d love to.

But can we do it tomorrow night?

I'’m totally jet-lagged.

Plus, I think I picked up a bug from the goat.

Ooh, this looks good.

Mmm. Eggy.

It'’s not for you.

It'’s for the romantic dinner i'’m making for Josh tomorrow night.

He'’s thinking about moving back to Prague.

I'’ve got to find positive reasons to stay here.

Forget the positive.

If you want to influence somebody'’s decision

you have to accentuate the negative.

What'’s the negative?

Living in Prague is his dream.

Unless you make it his nightmare.

"Josh is sleeping like a log

but wait until he gets to Prague."

[ Snoring]

It'’s 20 degrees in here.

Even the rats have had enough.

Where'’s that landlady already?

Come on!

What now, yankee doodle?

I want heat.

Wait till August.

You'’ll be shvitzing like nobody'’s business.

I didn'’t come to Prague to live like a p.O.W.

Oh, then maybe you shouldn'’t have come

ungrateful American pig-dog.

Yeah, i'’m thinking the same thing!

That went well.

Got to go.

Whoa, what research group roughed you up?

The exotic pet feasibility study.

Sadly

squirrels will never be

our trusted friends.

Miles, you are officially the most desperate person I know.

I need ointment and I need it now.

You'’re doing these experiments, too?

Hey, 20 bucks is 20 bucks.

We'’d better get cleaned up

if we'’re going to make it to project heat stroke.

Oh, Sabrina, making a romantic dinner for your boyfriend...

How provincial.

Do I detect a note of jealousy?

Me? Jealous?

Just because you got Josh

when he finally decided to look like something

and get all sexy.

God, he is so hot now that...

Hello? Still in the room.

Boy, if I knew he'’d turn out like this

I never would have dumped him.

Excuse me, didn'’t he dump you?

So, what are you making for dinner?

[ Soft piano music playing]

Hello, nice to see you.

Thanks for coming.

Live long and prosper.

Hilda, you really pulled it off.

President banning seems to be having a fabulous time.

He seems to be having a coma.

May I just tell you what an enchanting smile you have?

Thanks. You want to see more

of these pearly whites

throw some of that Grant money into astrophysics.

Actually, I was talking

to the vision of loveliness next to you.

I mean you.

I'’m Wayne banning.

Oh, and i'’m hilda spellman.

Nice to meet you, Wayne banning.

And now, back to Wayne banning, private eye.

You'’re funny, hilda.

Thanks. You know, sometimes

I do standup comedy here.

Zelda: Hilda

I Don'’t think president banning

wants to hear about standup comedy.

Oh, no, I love standup comedy.

Those wayans brothers, they'’re wild.

Yes. I hear they'’ve got hilarity

down to a science.

Oh, speaking of science

did you hear about that new Jewish space station?

The shmir?

[ Laughing]

Would you both excuse me?

I need to freshen up a little.

[ Doorbell rings]

Sie schauen heute abend so reizend aus.

I just told you look lovely in German.

Oh, and what prettier language to say it in.

And...

Oh, thanks, Josh, they'’re beautiful.

That'’s a European- style bouquet.

Those flowers are all hand picked.

Really? From where?

People'’s yards.

Mmm, something smells great.

Oh, I hope you'’re hungry.

Oh, by the way, how did you sleep last night?

Not so good.

I had this horrifying dream about Prague.

Ooh, what a nightmare.

Oh, i'’m so sorry to hear that.

It'’s been lovely, hilda.

It certainly has, Wayne banning.

Good night.

Hey, lady!

Hey, Dean!

[ Laughing]

Oh, what a great president.

Hilda, you occupied every minute of his time.

President banning and I

never even got to discuss the science department.

Relax. I'’ll make sure to mention it to Wayne

when we go out on our date.

Your date?

That'’s right; Our date.

I'’m going out with your boss.

Which means, if he and I get married

i'’ll be your step-boss.

I'’m starting to see a hierarchy.

I'’m higher, and you'’re archy.

Wow, Josh, these pictures are great.

You know, you really managed to capture

the bleak and hellish atmosphere that is Prague.

Sabrina, what are talking about?

It'’s sunny out and everybody'’s smiling.

Whatever.

[ Beeping]

Oh. A voice-mail message.

You know, I dropped some resumes off around town today.

Maybe somebody called me back. You mind?

No. Go for it.

Hey, and while you'’re doing that

i'’m going to go get your favorite all-American dessert.

Great, how did you remember I loved apple pie?

Sabrina, you'’re not going to believe this.

I just a job on the newspaper.

No way.

Way! It starts in a week.

Get out of town.

I'’m going to have to.

What do you mean?

The message was from

the editor of the Prague forward.

The job is in the Czech Republic.

Wow. The Czech Republic.

That is so... pie?

I can'’t believe they offered me this job.

Me, either.

I also can'’t believe

i'’m going to have to leave you again.

Hey, maybe

you could come over there...

Do a semester abroad.

You want me to move to Prague?

What about your awful nightmare?

Sabrina, it was just a dream.

The night before that

I dreamt I was playing poker

with a pack of German Shepherds.

I can'’t give up

a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity

because of a bad dream.

Well, you got to do what you got to do.

Sabrina, you really Don'’t want me to go, do you?

Me? Not want you to go?

Why would you think that?

I mean, just because the timing has

finally worked out between us

and you'’re finally not seeing anyone

and i'’m finally not seeing anyone.

I mean, big deal if we'’re finally together

in the same place after I waste an entire summer

thinking about you and waiting for you to finally come home.

And who cares if I thought maybe, just maybe we had

some sort of future together

but, you know, of course I want you to go, okay?

So go.

Sabrina...

Look, Josh, please, just go.

Ooh, 9:00, no boyfriend.

Never a good sign for a romantic dinner.

Josh got a job offer in Prague

and he'’s actually going to take it.

Oh, i'’m really sorry, Sabrina.

If it'’s any consolation

some of my best relationships have been long distance.

No petty fights and you save a fortune on waxing.

I Don'’t even know if he'’s going for six months, a year

or the rest of his life.

And what if he meets someone else?

Sabrina, i'’ve been to Prague in senior competition.

He'’ll be back.

You'’ve been a worthy opponent, foe.

Until now. The end is nigh.

Checkmate.

It'’s your word against mine, lady.

You are a rotten cat.

Hilda, you look stunning.

Thanks, zellie.

Oh, by the way, I borrowed your purse

you shoes and a splash of your designer perfume.

$400 an ounce, and designed specifically

for my body chemistry.

No biggie.

Just remember, please

to mention the science department

to president banning.

And find out why his eyes glaze over

whenever I bring it up.

Perhaps it'’s because you'’re an insufferable bore.

Just pitching.

Wait, Zelda.

Black beastie here has a point.

Wayne is under a tremendous amount of stress

you know, ruling a college and all.

He gravitates towards people with a sense of humor.

And you'’re saying I Don'’t have one?

I took the last bullet.

This one'’s yours.

Maybe Josh and I just aren'’t destined to be together.

Maybe not. But the good news is you'’re only 19.

You'’ve got plenty of time to find the one.

[ Watch beeps]

I, however, have

only ten minutes to meet the chimp in the psych lab.

I'’m going to finish that puzzle before bobo if it kills me.

You look like you'’re enjoying that petting

a little too much.

Is it wrong to be a man?

Don'’t ask me.

I'’m not exactly the authority on men these days.

Oh, and your suggestion to give Josh a nightmare about Prague

was completely useless.

Sometimes I just like to hear myself talk.

I just wish I knew how things were going to work out

between me and Josh.

Sabrina, if you want to know your destiny

why not go right to the source and ask him out?

Of course. A date with destiny.

♪ '’cause you'’re everywhere to me ♪

♪ when I close my eyes, it'’s you I see ♪

♪ everything I know that makes me believe ♪

♪ i'’m not alone. ♪

Whoa.

Yeah, I get that a lot.

You'’re destiny? Yeah.

I thought you were supposed to be old as time...

With the long white beard and flowing robes

and a winged chariot?

No, most women like this look better

but if you want me to change...

No, no, no! This works for me.

Okay, all right.

I brought the chariot if that helps you.

Oh, cool.

[ Horse whinnying]

Even his horse is gorgeous!

That was the best meal i'’ve ever had

and what a view.

Yeah, I bet you didn'’t know

there was a bar and grill at the top of mt. Everest.

Or that the swordfish would be so fresh.

So, can we talk about Josh now?

Later. You ever been to the opera?

No, but i'’ve always wanted to go.

So, is the mikadoeverything you thought it would be?

It'’s incredible.

I'’m so worried about nanki-poo and yum-yum

and so happy for katisha and ko-ko.

No small thanks to pitti-sing and poo-bah.

I like them.

Listen, about this Josh thing...

Hey, after the opera are you up for some dancing?

You dance? Yeah.

I thought it was "date with destiny"

"dance with death."

We were roommates in college.

We made a few trades.

Listen, I hate to wreck the mood...

Then Don'’t.

I have to ask you a question about my boyfriend.

I want to know

what'’s going to happen between me and Josh.

I mean, is he going to move to Prague

love it and never come back

or is he going to hate it and come right back

or am I going to rethink my life and go there with him?

Well, if you'’re asking me

what your destiny is

the answer is I have no clue.

But you'’re destiny. You decide these things.

I used to.

I haven'’t made a significant decision since king Arthur.

It'’s been all downhill since the sword and the stone.

But I kept

the name, though, you know, for the dates.

What happened to you?

Not to me, to the world.

Things got more complicated, issues arose...

Free will, rational thought.

So what you'’re saying is I created my own destiny?

There'’s nothing you can do for me?

I'’m not totally worthless.

I may not be able to tell you your destiny

but I can give you a preview of the different scenarios.

Well, I Don'’t need to see Josh happy without me

and I Don'’t want to see him fail.

Maybe you could show me what it would be like

if I took a semester abroad and moved to Prague.

Okay, done.

Sabrina, i'’m home.

Hi, sweetie, how was your day?

Unbelievable.

One of my pictures is getting

the front page tomorrow

plus i'’m going to be doing

a photo layout with the pope.

How was your day?

Oh, I can'’t complain.

Went to class, didn'’t understand a word anyone said.

Oh, and on the way home I bought a potato.

Fantastic!

We'’ve been on the list to get a potato for months!

Oh, and I got tickets to the Prague film festival

for next weekend.

Opening night is a tribute to Kevin bacon.

Boy, do I miss bacon.

Next weekend?

That'’s when the paper'’s sending me to Paris.

Again?

I'’m the man. Now, come on.

Let'’s pop that spud in the oven and chow down.

Oh, I love our life.

Losing to that lab monkey was bad enough

but now we spent more money on tetanus shots

and cortisone creams than we earned

from these stupid experiments.

I think we should quit.

No way, roxy.

This is no longer about money for me.

What else is there?

Fringe acceptance in the scientific community.

Pass the bactine.

Sir, can I get you anything else? Sir?

Rude, uncultured American pig-dog.

I'’m taking a five.

Sabrina, I left you a thousand messages.

Where have you been?

The opera, mt. Everest, potato shopping.

I Don'’t blame you

for still being mad at me.

I was such an idiot yesterday.

I had my head so far up Prague

I wasn'’t thinking about you at all.

Well, I was thinking about you.

I can'’t hold you back, Josh.

You'’ve got to take that job.

You'’ve got to follow your destiny.

What about you coming with me?

Prague is your dream, not mine.

I'’m going to miss you, Sabrina.

I'’m going to miss you, too, yankee doodle.

I mean, Josh.

Thus, vis-a-vis the yankelman effect

the economics department deserves 59%

of the fund allocation. Thank you.

Okay, who'’s next?

59%, please.

Good afternoon, president banning

and friends.

Science has always had a tentative place

in the social order.

In 1687, sir Isaac Newton, the founder of modern science

is reported to have been a...

Nutty professor!

Hey, Dean!

How many of you hate to fly?

And what about those people who shove those two-ton bags

in the overhead bins, huh?

Just '’cause it has a handle doesn'’t mean it'’s a carry-on.

And what about those in-flight movies, huh?

Yeah, I want to watch gladiator

on a screen the size of a triscuit.

A screen the size of a triscuit.

Is this thing on?

A better question, professor spellman, might be

does the science department take fund allocation seriously?

Oh, of course, it does.

Then why would it send a comedian to plead its case?

You can'’t fool me. I know you love a good laugh.

Key word being "good."

Yes, well, on that note

i'’ll just turn things over

to the talented and fabulous head

of the Asian studies department.

I'’m here all week. Try the veal.

Hey, when are you driving Josh to the airport?

In a couple of hours.

I'’m so sorry, Sabrina.

Thanks, Morgan.

Traffic is going to be horrendous.

Do you hear yourself when you speak?

Depends on what I say.

Oh!

That'’s disgusting.

Oh, great, chunky-style milk.

[ Doorbell rings]

Oh, you'’re 0 for four in the timing department.

This couldn'’t wait.

Uh, Sabrina, i'’m not going to Prague.

What are you talking about?

You already told the editor you were coming.

He'’ll understand when I tell him

I have an even better opportunity here in Boston.

You got another job offer?

No. Sabrina, the opportunity I have here

is to be with you.

There will be other pragues.

You'’re a once- in-a-lifetime offer.

You'’re my destiny.

Nobody panic. I'’m fine.

I'’m just highly allergic

to a genetically engineered variety of wasp.

That'’s the bad news.

There'’s good news?

Oh, yeah. Brunch is on me.

I'’ve had a great week, Wayne.

Me, too.

I may not be a joke teller

but i'’m a genius with physical comedy.

I know. I'’ve watched you stuff a Turkey.

I guess I have your sister to thank

for introducing us.

Oh, speaking of Zelda

she'’s pretty upset that she blew it

in that meeting the other day.

She'’s holding herself responsible

for the science department not getting any funding.

Of course they'’re getting funding.

All the departments are.

But if your sister tries any more of her comedy

I may just change my mind.

[ Chuckles]

[ Blows air]

Zelda, I had no idea.

You really are funny.