Original subtitles

There... a finished Jack-o'’-lantern...

With a seriously deviated septum.

Hey, you guys are just in time to carve pumpkins with me.

And you'’re about 12 years too late.

I haven'’t carved a pumpkin since I was... six.

Miles, you'’ll carve a pumpkin with me, right?

And perpetuate one of the most ridiculous

bogus holidays ever invented by man?

I'’ll take that as a no.

I can'’t believe you'’re dissing Halloween...

The same guy who sits in his room

waiting to be picked up by aliens.

That'’s not true.

I contactthem from my room.

I waiton the roof.

Well, I guess it'’s just you and me, Jack.

I'’m up for some fun, baby.

Let'’s grab a bottle of Colt 45 and put on some Luther.

Don'’t mess with me, Jack.

I hope the rest of you saw that.

IBM down an eighth?

I'’m going to scratch Alan greenspan'’s eyes out.

Hey, everybody, i'’m home.

Sabrina, what are you doing here?

Oh, your favorite niece can'’t just drop by to say hello?

How much laundry?

Three bags, but i'’ve also got good news.

This Halloween i'’m going to spend the holiday with you guys.

You'’re what? You can'’t.

Nothing like being embraced in the bosom of your family

on the most special day of the year.

[ Snickering]: "Bosom."

You said "bosom."

[ Laughing]

I'’m sorry, Sabrina

it'’s just that you'’re never interested

in spending the holiday with us, so we made other plans.

We got invited to the other realm

for the ultra-exclusive opening of a new galaxy.

Oh, that sound fun and halloweeny.

Think you could wangle me an invitation?

Salem: Get a clue, sister.

You and I are persona non grata.

They'’re going to abandon us on Halloween.

Quick! Someone say "bosom."

I suppose we could cancel if you want us to.

Oh, no, no, no, you guys go ahead.

You know, i'’ll just hang out with miles

and wait for the mother ship to beam us up.

Say to the Android sisters for us.

Let'’s go figure out what to wear to the galaxy opening.

I am thinking heat-resistant metal with a skosh of spandex.

I'’ll wear what I wore to the shoenman bar mitzvah.

They had that Battlestar galacticatheme.

Oh!

Well, at least while i'’m doing nothing on Halloween

i'’ll be wearing clean underwear.

Are you doing delicates?

Because i'’ve got a few things to toss in.

I'’ll do them by hand.

You know, it'’s the weirdest thing.

I can'’t think of anything but Halloween these days.

What'’s that about?

I know... I have no life.

And then there'’s the whole witch thing.

You know, after all these years of rebellion

i'’m finally ready to embrace the truth.

Halloween is in my blood.

Say it loud and say it proud!

Time for me to put on the orange and black

and show the world who I am.

Hallelujah, sister!

Amen, brother!

We'’re having a party!

I didn'’t say that.

Oh... so you'’re one

of those witches who celebrates Halloween the other way...

Staying home and being a loser.

I would love to have a party

but miles and roxie hate Halloween.

It'’s amazing the ugly things

you learn about people when you live with them.

Which reminds me, aren'’t your aunts

going out Halloween night?

Why Don'’t you have the party here?

They would never let me have a party here

when they'’re not home.

Girlfriend, aren'’t you learning anything in college?

Don'’t tell them.

They'’d kill me if I had a party.

I can'’t. I couldn'’t. I shouldn'’t.

Is it too late to send out invitations?

So Don'’t say anything to my aunt hilda

but i'’m going to have a little Halloween celebration

for a few of my close friends.

I'’m there.

And that guy i'’ve never met before.

I'’m always up for a party.

In fact, i'’ve got seven that night.

Well, mine is going to be great...

A classic Halloween celebration

with costumes, spooky lighting, bobbing for apples.

Like I said, seven parties is plenty.

Bobbing for apples?

Or pears.

You know, bring your own fruit... I'’m flexible.

Sabrina, when are you going to get it?

There'’s nothing more lame than Halloween, and I know lame.

He'’s got you there.

Okay, listen up and listen good, you hallo-whiners.

All right, holidays give us a reason to celebrate.

On Christmas, we get to put up decorations.

On new year'’s, we party all night long.

Thanksgiving, we eat until we puke

but on Halloween

we get to do all of those things while wearing a silly costume.

It may not mean much to you, but it means a lot to me

and I expect every one of you to show up.

I'’ll be there.

Where am I going?

To the best Halloween party of all time.

We get to bring our own fruit.

Let me get this straight... Three days before Halloween

and you want me to plan the best party of all time?

Well, that'’s why I came to the best party planner of all time.

Ooh, a suck-up... I like it.

Too bad it ain'’t gonna get you squat.

Look, Joyce, I know

this is the biggest holiday in the other realm

but i'’m desperate.

Can you just give me some monsters?

Let'’s see...

[ Typing furiously on keyboard]

No monsters, but I can get you

a one-way to Phoenix with a connection in Denver.

Let'’s call that plan b.

Honey, all I can give you is the basic ghoul package.

Not very exciting

but it does come with...

A free bucket of pus.

Do you have anything a little scarier?

That one guy seems scared of me.

Look, I have to kick some major Halloween butt.

I have to prove to a house full of skeptics

that this holiday rocks.

Okay, tell you what, got a big fella who owes me.

How about the creature from the black lagoon?

Oh, that won'’t work. None of our furniture is scotchgarded.

He loses a lot of gigs that way.

Hold the phone.

You'’ll never guess who just became available.

[ Growling]

Frankenstein! That'’s perfect!

I mean, sure, he'’s got a criminal record.

Frank usually doesn'’t work on Halloween.

He must need the money.

Gambling problem.

I'’ll take him.

And if you have

any buddies with massive debts

you know, bring them along.

[ Growling]

Okay, the food is hidden, the drinks are on ice.

Everything'’s ready to go except my aunts.

Aunt hilda, aunt Zelda, hurry up!

You'’re going to be late for your party.

[ Doorbell rings]

Obviously not a problem for your guests.

I can'’t believe they'’re here already.

I'’ll get it!

Go away! You'’re early!

Oh, sorry, I didn'’t meant it.

Here!

Oh! Sorry again!

Zelda: Sabrina, we'’re leaving.

So soon? I'’ll go up and make sure

they get to their galaxy at warp speed.

Well, have a good time.

Stay out as long as you like.

Dance until those stars burn out.

That'’s it?

Sabrina, we spent three hours

getting ready for this galaxy opening.

Don'’t you have anything to say about our outfits?

Titanium... that'’s the new black.

Now you crazy kids get out of here.

Why are you in such a hurry for us to leave?

Oh, well, the sooner you leave, the sooner I can throw

that wild, crazy party i'’ve been planning in secret.

Good one.

[ Thunder and lightning]

Okay, now all I have to do is change into my costume

and i'’m ready.

[ Giggling]

What a lame getup.

Oh, miss Bo peep

it seems you'’ve lost your sheep.

I haven'’t lost him. He'’s right here.

[ Gasps]

I can'’t pick up college chicks looking like this.

On the other hand, i'’m so soft and fuzzy...

Baa!

[ Music playing]

Well, i'’d say the party'’s going

pretty darn well, wouldn'’t you?

Going well for yours truly.

Muffy'’s treating me to some heavy petting.

In your dreams, lambchop.

Sabrina, your cat is adorable.

And so friendly.

[ Laughing]

Little tip? Candy corn makes him gassy.

[ Salem sobbing]

Hey, guys, having fun?

I'’m standing here with miles.

What do you think?

If thisis the best party of all time

i'’m glad i'’m a social outcast.

Come on, guys, get in the party spirit.

Bob for something.

Okay, i'’ll Bob for the door.

I'’ll Bob with you.

Wait, wait, wait...

Nobody leaves a party at 8:55.

Well, we'’re off, Sabrina.

Thanks, it was really fun.

Then why are you leaving after only 20 minutes?

Why are we leaving after only 20 minutes?

Because we decided it was rude to leave after 15.

Thanks, spellman, for the best party of all time.

No, you can'’t go.

Look, something'’s going to happen any minute now.

What, you'’re going to bring out the cheese platter?

[ Thunder and lightning]

[ Growling]

[ Screaming]

[ Applauding]

I'’d say that beats gouda on a trisket.

Hilda, everyone'’s gawking at us.

Of course they are. They can'’t believe how fabulous we look.

Sir, would you mind not staring at my planets?

Let'’s just play it low-key and try to fit in.

[ Loud clattering and rattling]

Is this a fabulous new galaxy or what?

This galaxy'’s a dump.

Someone'’s not in a party mood.

No, it really is a dump.

They built it as a landfill

for all the junk floating around in space.

Are you telling me we got all dressed up to go to a dump?

Say "landfill." It sounds much better.

When you have a chance, could you get me another?

Shaken, not stirred.

Sorry, double-oh-zero, we Don'’t work here.

We'’re invited, just like everybody else.

Yes, I heard they had to scrape bottom

to fill out the guest list.

You know, this is nothing like the opening of the crab nebula.

That was a classy affair.

We weren'’t there.

I know.

Euro-trash.

I'’ve always wanted to call someone that.

[ Music playing]

So, you like the music? It'’s funk.

Oh, but I guess you prefer wrap.

Great costume.

I love the fake eye.

[ Music continues]

That was some grand entrance you made.

[ Growling]

I'’m better at grand exits.

People applaud when I leave.

[ Growling]

Hey, how'’s it going?

He'’s not much of a talker. I like that.

Color me shocked.

I would never have put you two together.

Hey, hey, hey, let'’s keep it clean, cyclops.

No flashing.

I can'’t figure out how he does that.

Sabrina, you are the queen of Halloween.

Well, I prefer to think of myself as humble shepherdess.

Excuse me while I tend to my flock.

I got to hand it to you, spellman.

For a girl who still carves pumpkins

you know how to have fun.

This is the greatest party of all time.

You said that before.

Yeah, but this is one of the rare times that i'’m being sincere.

How about when you told me I was a great kisser?

We'’ll talk.

Look, i'’m telling you, dude, forget about the other realm.

This party is raging.

Look, call everybody

and tell them to their decaying butts over here.

Later.

[ Music continues]

[ Laughing]

Why are you leading me toward the bedroom, kitty?

Do you want to show me your little mousie?

[ Thunder and lightning]

[ Screaming]

[ Ghoulish laughter]

[ Grunting and growling]

Trick or treat.

Oh, Joyce threw in a few extra ghouls.

Cool!

Oh, more ghouls. Great!

A truckload of ghouls.

Could be a problem.

[ Music continues]

[ Music plays]

Hey, hey, hey! No ghouls on the ottoman!

And, you! If you'’re going to shove

deviled eggs up your nose, keep them there!

Hey, turn it down! You'’re killing my ears!

Here'’s a spare.

Wild party, Sabrina.

Yeah, Whoo-hoo.

Those ghouls know

how to party.

They must be phi delts.

Hey! No juggling waterford!

This is my aunts'’ house

and we have to respect their property!

[ Shattering]That was a discontinued pattern.

I am so dead.

Been there... Still there.

The place is clearing out.

And my Jupiter is all sticky.

Looks like there'’s some kind of after-party.

Hey, Mr. Nose-in-the-air, where'’s everybody going?

Some place veryexclusive.

I'’m sure I won'’t see youthere.

[ Whines]

Isn'’t it awful the way people get left out of things?

I'’d love to chat, but I just got invited to a very exclusive party.

Would you mind?

Interesting.

At home you won'’t even pick up a sponge

but here...

I'’m not cleaning up. I'’m going home.

But I am taking the mop.

I think you'’ll really like it.

[ Thundering]

What happened to the door?

And what are all these people doing here?

And why, once again, do I feel overdressed?

Here. This will help.

Man: I mean what are the odds

of going to two different dumps in one night?

[ Laughs]Excuse me.

But this is ourdump.

Say "landfill." It sounds much better.

And what are you doing here?

You, you...

You meanie!

Meanie?

I was told that a raging soiree was being thrown

by someone named Sabrina.

Sabrina?

Sabrina! Sabrina!

This place is a total disaster!

And... who didn'’t use a coaster?!

The water stain on the piano is the least

of your problems right now.

But it'’s the only one I know how to solve.

All right! Everybody out! Party'’s over!

Except you. You'’re cute.

And... buff.

Okay, everybody leave exactly the way you came

except for Joyce'’s people!

I have to return you myself!

Joyce'’s people?

You used the other realm party planner?

Oh, you are in sodeep.

Throwing a party behind our backs.

Well, technically I did tell you about the party before you left.

I have half a mind to take away your magic.

And the other half to take away your credit card.

And the other half... Oh, sorry.

Look, I know this looks bad...

And way over our deductible

but the idea came from a good place.

I wasin a good place, muffy'’s lap

until you two botched it.

Luckily, she left her scrunchie.

[ Sniffing]

[ Moans pleasurably]

Look, everybody I know was dissing Halloween

and as a witch, I felt I should stand up for our holiday.

You know, defend our heritage.

Oh, apparently not our stemware.

Your intentions may have been noble

but your actions were inexcusable.

Not only were you sneaky

but you mixed mortals with other realm creatures

without our supervision.

I know. You'’re right.

I Don'’t know what I was thinking.

I wasn'’tthinking.

I'’m really sorry.

Look, before this turns into an after-school special

you should know we'’re about to go into overtime.

Could I continue my apology after I get back?

Fine. This mess will be waiting for you, and so will we.

Well, you know, if you feel like cleaning up a little

before I get back...

Don'’t you dare!

Let'’s go! Out!

Come on![ Thumps cane]

One ghoul, one pirate, one mummy...

Wait a minute.

The pirate is missing an ear.

Oh, I got it right here.

Oh, Don'’t mind the gum.

A little lighter fluid will take that right off.

Oh, and the cyclops is also missing a foot.

Oh, darn! We were using it to stir the punch.

Unless you find it, i'’m going to have to charge you.

Now

where'’s my Frankenstein?

Frankenstein?

Tall guy, square head, hates fire.

I know whohe is.

I just... Don'’t know where he is.

Ow... ow!

Ow!

See? That wasn'’t so bad.

Oh, that is the last time you use actual meteors in my hair.

Aunt hilda, aunt Zelda!

Have you seen Frankenstein?

Years ago, at the drive-in.

I always wondered: Was there a lot of fog in that movie

or just on the windshield?

Oh, not the movie.

The real Frankenstein, I rented him for my party

and now i'’ve lost him.

You'’ve lost a creature from the other realm?

You better hope he'’s still in the house.

Hilda, you check the basement.

I'’ll cover the upstairs.

And i'’ll check the kitchen and... the moors.

Salem, have you seen Frankenstein?

Ah.

It was the summer of '’42.

I was having my illicit fling with Eleanor Roosevelt...

No, not the movie. The actual Frankenstein.

He left with roxie.

Looking very cozy, I might add.

They left?! Why didn'’t you stop them?!

I was busy!

Doing what?!

Playing with my scrunchie.

[ Giggling]

Oh, god...

Sabrina: Roxie, have you seen Frankenstein?

And i'’m not talking about the movie.

Frankie'’s in the bathroom.

He'’s so cute.

I think he needed to "tighten his bolts."

Roxie, look, you got to forget about this guy.

Believe me, he'’s not like any guy you'’ve ever dated.

I know. That'’s what I like about him.

He'’s offbeat, quirky, rough around the edges.

[ Growling]

Uh, maybe a little too rough.

Frank, i'’ve been looking for you everywhere.

Look, we got to get your costume back

to Joyce'’s rental place now.

Can'’t it wait?!

I was just about to light a fire.

[ Growls]Not a good idea. Come on, frank.

What about our date?

Are we still on for next Saturday?

[ Growls]

You'’ve got my number!

[ Growls]

Aunt hilda, aunt Zelda, I found him!

Oh, thank goodness.

He was about to put the moves on roxie.

Shame on you. You'’re a married man.

Of course. He'’s married?

To the bride of Frankenstein.

A lot of fog in that movie, too.

Or was there?

Hurry up! Get in there!

Did you use my apricot body splash?

[ Growls]

[ Thundering]

Just what I need.

Aunt hilda, aunt Zelda!

The linen closet isn'’t working!

Oh, i'’ll call other realm plumbing in portal.

I hope they Don'’t send that guy with the butt crack.

Wait. Maybe there'’s nothing wrong with the closet.

Maybe someone is refusing to go back.

[ Growling]

Sorry, I didn'’t get that.

He'’s having problems with the missus.

Well, every marriage has problems.

That'’s no excuse for you to go chasing coeds.

[ Growls]

I'’ll handle this.

Frankenstein

you'’re going to work things out with your wife

by hook or by crook.

Oh, so that'’s what that thing'’s for.

Mm-hmm.

[ Thundering]

Wow, pretty ratty digs for a movie star.

I heard his business manager took him to the cleaners.

[ Growling]

Oh, no wonder he wanted to stay in the mortal realm.

[ Both growling]

Aunt hilda what are they saying?

You'’re much too young to hear.

[ Both growling]

Oh, the mouths on those two.

Obviously they'’re having trouble communicating.

Since Sabrina'’s paying the overtime rate

let these two communicate.

We never go out.

Oh, that must be frustrating.

I mean, you'’re here all day doing

you know, whatever it is you monster brides do.

Why Don'’t you take her out to dinner once in a while?

I'’m tired when I get home from work.

All that walking around, my arms straight out?

Maybe you could try walking with your arms

at your sides.

And maybe youcould try

rubbing his shoulders once in a while.

That would be nice.

Ooh. That'’s good.

This is where the fog usually shows up.

Oh, why didn'’t I bring a date?

Why Don'’t we stay in tonight?

Mm, yes.

Show'’s over. We'’re out of here.

[ Thundering]

Well, we got Frankenstein back to his house.

Now all you have to do is clean ours.

Of course, but first I have to explain to roxie

why her date for Saturday night isn'’t going to show up.

Anybody got a good excuse?

Why Don'’t you tell her the truth?

That i'’m witch and I rented actual monsters for my party

and that was the real Frankenstein

she was about to cuddle up with?

I meant the other truth.

He'’s married?

I'’m afraid so.

What'’s his wife like?

Oh, shrieky voice, big hair, bad highlights.

I knew he was too good to be true.

I'’m sorry. I never should'’ve dragged you to my party.

No, it'’s okay. I had fun, and so did everybody else.

We'’re actually looking forward to next Halloween.

Well, I guess I accomplished my mission then...

I made people appreciate what a meaningful holiday it is.

Look what I found in the punch bowl at your party!

I think it'’s a real human foot!

This is so cool!

Don'’t get too attached! It'’s rented!

Hi, Sabrina.

Muffy, are you all right?

I mean, your message was kind of garbled on my machine.

Something about a stalker?

I found him pawing through my lingerie drawer.

Oh, i'’m so sorry. He'’s a sick, sick animal.

But that'’ll all change once I have him fixed.

Salem: Meow?

You-you were joking, right?

[ Laughs nervously]

Right?

Hey, this isn'’t the way home!