Original subtitles

As the new owner, I intend to turn hilda'’s

into Boston'’s premium coffee concern.

I will be totally dedicated and personally involved

in every critical coffee-related decision

from the moment we open until the moment we close.

You'’re going to be here at 5:00 A.M.?

5:00 A.M.?!

Who'’s up and dressed by 5:00 A.M.?

Uh, that would be our customers.

And my life is supposed to revolve around them?

Hello? Waiting for coffee?

Hello. Having a meeting.

Hilda, you Don'’t have to be here all the time.

We all take different shifts.

I call the afternoon shift.

You'’re the owner.

You can take whatever shift you want.

Already, you are becoming my favorite employee.

I'’m promoting you to manager.

He isthe manager.

Could somebody manage to make me a grande latte?

Pipe down, cranky.

You should be home having breakfast.

Look, i'’ll make you a latte

and for your Patience, i'’ll throw in a free scone.

Listen, Don'’t bother. I'’m out of here.

I'’m going to the cafe down the block

where they not only advertise coffee, they sell it.

Wait! Come back!

Or better yet, take me with you.

Four bucks for a cup of coffee?

These prices are outrageous.

What am I paying you?

Minimum wage.

Ooh, hilda'’s getting a beemer.

Hilda, normally, at the end of the day

we split the money in the tip jar.

Is that okay with you?

Absolutely.

I can always use extra cash.

Uh, a few things you should know about my aunt.

She'’s insane, she'’s insane...

And, oh, yeah... she'’s insane.

She'’s just new.

It'’ll take a few weeks to learn the ropes.

But while she'’s learning

I could think of something that could soften the blow.

Taking the next few weeks off?

I was thinking more along the lines of dinner.

Saturday night?

Josh, how can I put this?

How about, "sounds great, Josh. I'’d love to go."

Look, I made up my mind when I started college

that I was going to try dating new people.

So, date new people.

Hi, i'’m Irving. Have we met?

Look, Irving, nice to meet you

but can you please tell Josh it ain'’t going to happen.

Why not?

You Don'’t think we'’d have fun?

Josh, the point is, we have history.

There are bound to be feelings and emotions

and that could lead to something serious.

I'’m asking you for a date, Sabrina

not to pick out a house and names for the kids.

Good, '’cause i'’m too young to commit

to the two-story victorian with the big backyard

for little Courtney and Todd.

Todd?

You'’d name a kid Todd?

The point is, I dated the same guy all through high school.

I owe it to myself to experience something new.

Let'’s move it, flunkies.

I'’m not paying you people minimum wage

to sit around and yak.

So, are we still friends?

Right. Friends.

Someone looks down.

Is everything okay?

Yeah, I guess.

I am sure it'’s nothing a double mochaccino can'’t cure.

Come on, i'’m buying.

It'’s on the house.

In your dreams, bean boy.

Four bucks.

Oh! Oh!

Wow, nice...

Footwear.

Oh, thank you.

I wasn'’t sure if open toes

were too bold for the academic environment.

Oh, no, I like open toes. Open toed shoes.

I like shoes in general.

I mean, I Don'’t have a shoe fetish or anything.

I also like socks.

But not with sandals.

You sure have a lot of books, miles.

You know my name?

You'’re in my physics class.

Yes... yes, I am.

And may I say i'’m flattered and impressed

that, out of all those students

you remember my name.

You'’re also Sabrina'’s roommate.

Good point. I am her roommate.

We Don'’t actually live in the same room.

It'’s strictly platonic.

Yes, i'’m familiar with the situation.

I'’ll see you in class, miles.

Right. That'’s me... miles.

So, let me get this straight.

The problem is, you like a guy who likes you

but you Don'’t want to date him

because the relationship has potential?

Exactly... next thing you know

we'’re boyfriend and girlfriend

and I can kiss dating other guys good-bye.

Please tell me this is not the worst problem you'’ve ever had.

So not.

The worst was when Harvey and Josh

were fighting over me.

You probably Don'’t want to hear about that.

And yet, it'’s already too late.

Hey, Sabrina.

Hey. Hi.

I'’m Pete from your English lit class.

I was wondering if you'’d, uh, you'’d like to, um...

Grade your pickup line? D-minus.

That wasn'’t a pickup line.

Actually, it was.

Do you want to go to a movie Saturday night?

Oh, well, Pete, you know, I... i'’d love to go out with you

but... i'’ve got plans.

What plans?

You told me you weren'’t doing anything.

Well, I said that because I didn'’t want you to feel bad

because my plans didn'’t include you.

Oh, really? When were you going to tell me?

Hello. Hi.

I'’m the one being rejected here.

Sorry.

But thanks for asking.

So what are you doing Saturday night?

Nothing. Want to come along?

Hold on a second.

Although i'’m flattered

didn'’t you say you wanted to date new people?

What'’s wrong with Pete?

Did you see what he was wearing?

Two dimples and perfect teeth.

A white shirt.

Who wears white after labor day?

You know, for a girl who wants to date different people

you sure are picky.

The guy at the pizza place was too tall

the guy at the student union was too tan...

I just Don'’t like that whole tall, dark, handsome thing.

Besides, I Don'’t see you going out with a whole lot of guys.

I Don'’t see a whole lot of guys asking me.

What'’s your problem, loser?

I can'’t imagine why.

Salem: Hey!

So much for my afternoon nap.

Salem, what are you doing in my bed?

I told you never to sleep in my bed.

You say a lot of things, sweetheart.

What'’s eating you?

I'’m in crisis.

I'’m way too picky about guys.

I want to date

but I just can'’t get myself to say yes.

And the thought of putting myself out there again is scary.

Try a dating spell.

It worked for me when I was a strapping young hunk.

Believe it or not

when it comes to the fairer sex, i'’m rather shy.

That'’s why you had four different species

slap you with a restraining order?

I promised myself I wouldn'’t use magic

to solve every little problem.

Great!

Saturday night, we can rent steel magnolias

and you can give me a flea dip.

Later.

I need a dating spell and I need it fast.

I'’ve been meaning to use my new magic cd-rom, anyway.

Okay, here we go... d'’s:

"Daiquiris... dandruff... Dates."

Okay, wrong kind of dates.

Here we go... "dating."

Whoa.

Hey, Sabrina spellman.

I'’m Roger lodge.

Word has it that you want a date.

Wow, this 8.0 version works really fast.

Having trouble finding guys who want to go out with you?

No, I got plenty of guys.

I just can'’t bring myself to say yes.

Please tell me that'’s not your biggest problem.

Actually, people saying that is my biggest problem.

Okay, here'’s your spell...

The guys who ask Sabrina out

are tired of waiting.

From now on, Sabrina

will say yes to dating.

[ Magical ping]

Okay, you'’re good to go.

Roger that, Roger.

"V" is volume, "t" is Kelvin temperature

and "k" is the constant dependent on the number

of moles and pressure of the gas.

My goodness.

I was 406 before I grasped that concept.

What?

I said, out of 406 students

you'’re the only one who grasped that concept.

I love this stuff.

I eat, sleep and breathe thermodynamics.

When the other kids were playing with legos

I was building my first cyclotron.

There'’s nothing more exciting

than your first particle accelerator.

Yes, there is.

Meeting someone whose eyes Don'’t glaze over when I talk.

Been there.

Miles, i'’m considering having

a private study group at the house

for my more advanced students.

Would you be interested in something like that?

Very interested.

I think we should keep it small.

I agree. Intimate is better.

How about you and me...

Perfect.

And Adam and Jenny.

Oh, dear, my only free night is Saturday night.

Saturday'’s my only free night, too.

Another thing we have in common.

Guess it was meant to be.

Would you mind telling Adam and Jenny?

And do you, miles, promise to love, honor and Cherish

professor spellman, until alien forces take over the planet

and harvest you for food?

I do.

You do?

I mean...

I will... tell Adam and Jenny.

They'’re in my next wedding night.

I mean, class.

Hey, Adam. Hey, Jenny.

Hey, miles, what'’s happening?

Absolutely nothing that concerns you.

Hello, ladies. Gorgeous day.

It'’s raining, you freak.

What'’s with alien boy?

He'’s waytoo happy.

Maybe his Mr. Spock ears finally came in the mail.

Heads up!

Nice catch.

Yeah, i'’m here on a football scholarship.

I look forward to the next huddle.

In the meantime, um...

Would you like to go out Saturday night?

What do you have, some sort of a magical spell?

Yeah, right. Good one.

Uh, look, i'’m flattered, but at this point in my life

I just have to say...

Yes.

Excellent. Um, do you like Sushi?

I love Sushi.[ Hushed]: You hate Sushi.

Pick me up at 9:00?

Sure.

Well, you'’ve done a 180.

You actually decided to say yes to a date.

I realize that I have nothing to lose

by seeing what'’s out there

and making an informed, intelligent choice.

Oh, yo, yo, Pete!

Look, i'’m available for Saturday night

if you still want to go out.

I thought you had big plans to do nothing.

Aw, that'’s just an expression.

Pick me up at 7:00?

Oh, great. I'’ll see you Saturday.

You told Joe to pick you up 9:00.

Oh, good point. Make it 6:00!

That way, I can still fit in...

Hey, you!

Excuse me.

You have been here for three hours.

You have paid for one cup of coffee

and had six glasses of free water.

Which reminds me... Where is the bathroom?

At your house and take some of these

other freeloaders with you, and from now on

water'’s a buck a glass.

You know what, Josh?

I think i'’m getting ripped off.

The old owner said he had a lot of business.

The old owner did.

At this rate, i'’ll be chapter 11

by the end of the week.

If you'’re lucky.

Half the customers have already switched

to the French roast cafe.

I never liked the French.

Look, we'’re not dead yet.

We just have to figure out some angle to win the customers back.

What was the angle when the place first opened?

Uh... the owner was nice.

We'’re dead.

There has to be another way.

I know... We'’ll have a marketing blitz.

We'’ll give away key chains, coasters, flyswatters...

Not the good ones.

Hilda, why Don'’t you just dress up some poor schmo

like a giant cappuccino

and parade him up and down the street?

[ Laughing]

What?

It was your idea.

This was fun, Paul.

Yeah. It'’s Pete.

Are you sure?

Oh. Yeah, 6:00 P.M. Pete.

You'’re right.

Are you dating a Paul, too?

Um, two Pauls and a John Paul

but not the one you'’re thinking of

but if his eminence does call, I amfree Thursday night.

Got to go.

Oh, hi, Dave.

Bob.

Right, Bob... the psych major.

Actually, i'’m a statistics major.

With a minor in boredom.

Okay, well, give me 60.25 seconds.

I just got to grab a sweater.

No problem. It'’ll give roxie and me a chance

to finish our discussion of census-taking procedures

in postwar Denmark.

I'’d love to, but nobody should have

to pick out a sweater alone.

What do you think you'’re doing?

Combining fashion and function.

This works much better than the sweater.

Two days ago you didn'’t want to go near a guy.

Now you'’re going on 12 dates a night and i'’ve become

your social secretary.

Tad called... He'’s running a "tad" late.

Another winner.

I Don'’t get it.

First you criticize me for being picky.

Then you criticize me for going out.

You just like to criticize.

Sabrina, when you go out with each guy

for only ten minutes

how do you even know who they are?

Who cares? The point is, i'’m dating

just like you said I should.

Fine. Do what you want

but i'’m not taking any more messages.

[ Telephone ringing]

Hello.

No, she'’s not here.

Who was that?

My mother.

Mrs. Spellmanson.

I mean... miss spellman.

Oh. Miles, you scared me.

Sorry. I have that effect

on a lot of people.

You'’re the first one here.

As soon as Adam and Jenny arrive

we can begin.

Jenny and Adam called and said they'’d be a little late.

I guess not everyone'’s

as dedicated to science as we are.

Oh, well. I suppose we could begin without them.

Guess you'’ll have the leg up.

Let'’s discuss the concept of gravity.

Ah, the irresistible force that draws two bodies together.

I love gravity.

Is there a Mr. Spellman?

You mean daddy?

Oh, you mean... Uh... no, there isn'’t

but let'’s just stick to the subject at hand.

You do have beautiful hands

and look... We both have slender pinkies.

So we do.

Anyway... May I call you Zelda?

No!

I feel like a complete dork.

Well, of course you feel like a dork.

You'’re a cappuccino without any foam.

Now, hit it!

♪ Come to hilda'’s coffee house, she roasts the finest beans ♪

♪ come to hilda'’s coffee house, she'’s no longer mean ♪

♪ come to hilda'’s coffee house, she'’s super-duper nice. ♪

Hilda, this is ridiculous.

Your song is so stupid.

You are one bitter cup of coffee.

Hey, where you going?

He hasn'’t even done the thing with the spoon yet.

They'’re all going to the French roast cafe.

Oh, come on, people, give me a break.

No one'’s ruder than the French...

Except, of course, my father.

[ Laughing]

He'’s so rude, he makes the French look like the Swiss.

Oh, and-and speaking of the Swiss

what'’s the deal with the cheese?

If those are air holes, what'’s living in there?

Am I right?

And what'’s with the Swiss army?

How can they defend an entire nation

with those teeny little red knives?

[ All laughing]

I got a million of '’em

but I left them in there... at hilda'’s

where every latte comes with a laugh

and free water... Well, just the first glass.

Join me, won'’t you?

Well, this was fun.

I'’ve never been to a bowling alley

that served Sushi before.

Automatic scoring, and the yellowtail'’s always fresh.

This has been one of the best bowling and fish dates

i'’ve ever been on.

Look, Sabrina, I really like you.

And I really like bowling and fish

so this date worked out perfectly.

I mean, this is like one of the best first dates i'’ve ever had

and i'’m really looking forward to a second.

Oh, it'’s going to be a while.

See, i'’m still on my cycle of first dates.

Well, it'’s only fair that I date everybody once

before I start on round two.

Everybody? Round two?

What is this, the Sabrina open?

Exactly. I'’m open to dating anyone who asks.

Oh, by the way, tell your roommate

racquet ball and Mongolian barbecue sounds perfect.

Thanks for a great evening, Jim.

It'’s Joe.

I got to get name tags.

Hey, spellman!

Want to watch me drop in on a half pipe?

No, but I do want to thank you

for introducing me to that dating spell.

It'’s working out great.

Yeah, well, before you step out

with Manny, moe and Jack

you might want to stop by pep boys for an alignment.

What are you talking about?

What'’s wrong with me?

Big picture, you'’re obsessive-compulsive

but the immediate problem

requires a seasoned chiropractor.

Must be that stupid dating spell

or maybe i'’ve got to start bowling with a lighter ball.

I got to get this spell off right away.

Roger, you there?

I'’m on it, Sabrina.

Poor Sabrina'’s not looking well

so quickly remove this dating spell.

Nothing happened.

What am I going to do?

Do what you always do.

Go crying to your aunties to bail you out.

"Boohoo-hoo. Help me, aunties."

[ Salem laughing]

[ Shrieks]

I'’m an independent woman.

I Don'’t need my aunts for help.

Yeah, this is easy.

All right.

"Head misalignment...

Go to aunts for help."

Boohoo-hoo.

Miles, you and I are not involved

nor will we ever be involved.

Capiche?

I love it when you speak Italian.

Admit it, my Bella Zelda.

You feel an urge for young Milo, too.

Unless you'’re talking about the urge

to toss you out on your cannoli, I feel nothing of the kind.

Aunt hilda! Aunt Zelda!

Look!

Sabrina!

Oops. I'’ll just be in the kitchen

trying to straighten myself out.

[ Running footsteps]

Did I just see Sabrina'’s head slidingoff her body?

You poor dear.

Those overzealous hormones

are causing you to hallucinate.

Is that in any way attractive to you?

No.

Good lord, Sabrina, what'’s going on?

I have no idea.

Salem convinced me to put a dating spell on myself

and it was going great

until my neck turned into a slinky.

I removed the spell, but it just keeps getting worse.

Here, hold this.

Sabrina, when a witch is misaligned

it'’s rarely caused by a problematic spell.

It usually signals a deeper problem

that was there before the spell was incanted.

Great. Why couldn'’t I take after the mortal side?

Their worst ailment is an occasional hive.

There. That ought to hold you

till we figure out what'’s wrong.

Nice look for winter, but not great with a bikini.

Sabrina, why did you need a dating spell?

You'’ve never had trouble getting dates before.

The spell wasn'’t to help me get dates.

It was to make me more comfortable accepting them.

What do you think made you uncomfortable

in the first place?

I have no idea.

There'’s only one way to find out.

We'’ve got to get to the heart of the matter.

You'’re not going to open me up

like you did last Valentine'’s day?

No need to. Today'’s technology is more sophisticated.

Oops, I almost forgot.

Hey, look, there'’s that nickel I swallowed

when I was six.

Heart, speak.

Sabrina'’s heart: It'’s not that I Don'’t want to date again...

Why are you taking your time?

You'’ve been moping around all summer.

Let the heart finish.

Thank you.

I haven'’t been moping; I'’ve been healing.

Well, the best way to heal is to get back on the horse.

I'’m not ready to get back on the horse.

I'’m still recovering from the last ride.

Sabrina, it'’s obvious what'’s going on here.

Your head and your heart are conflicted.

It'’s not my fault!

She did it!

That dating spell caused your head

to block out what your heart was feeling

and that'’s why you became misaligned.

Are you finally ready to consider my feelings?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You hearts... Always with the feelings.

Well, I can'’t go out

just for the sake of going out.

I'’ve got to feel something.

Well, how will I know when you do?

I'’ll give you a little thump.

Well...

Let'’s see if that little talk

did the trick.

I can'’t believe it.

Aunt Zelda, i'’m realigned!

Of course you are.

You'’re no longer blocking out the feelings in your heart.

I'’m glad, but do you have anything

to block out the stomach?

I think that yellowtail

is starting to swim upstream.

[ Chuckling]

Oh, hey, Josh.

Man, am I glad to see you.

I'’ve had the craziest day.

Couldn'’t have been crazier than mine.

Your aunt dressed me up like a giant cappuccino.

You should see the time

she dressed me up like a giant pina colada.

It took me a week to get the coconut out of my hair.

I'’m surprised to find you home so early.

I thought you'’d be out "dating around."

Ah, dating around is highly overrated.

All that "what do you want to do?"

"I Don'’t know. What do you want to do?" Stuff.

Yeah, it'’s so great when you connect with someone

and you Don'’t have to go on a bunch of pointless dates.

I think i'’m beginning to agree with you.

[ Heartbeat]Whoa!

What'’s wrong? Nothing.

I'’m ready to go, Josh.

Oh, you and Morgan are...

[ Heartbeat]Oh!

Are you sure you'’re okay?

Maybe I should call a doctor.

But we'’ll be late for the movie.

Yeah, i'’ll be fine.

I should probably just cut back on the fries.

You do that.

I, uh, I guess we should get going.

Yeah? By the way, you look beautiful.

It'’s a great necklace.

Thank you. It'’s mine.

I-I hope you Don'’t mind me borrowing.

Looks like I have no choice.

So, I guess we'’ll catch up some other time?

Right.

Josh/morgan: Bye.

Some other time.

[ Heartbeat]

You know, you have really stinky timing.

[ Laughter]

Uh, two blondes walk into a building.

You'’d think one of them would have seen it.

I'’m killing.

Now, I do want to apologize for being rude earlier.

I guess I just had a case of new job jitters.

Have you ever been on a job interview, and they'’re, like

"what was the reason for leaving your last job?"

Well, I found that after I was fired

there was a lot of tension in the office.

I found it difficult sitting on the new girl'’s lap.

I once had a job as a receptionist.

I was so nervous, I kept answering phone

"hello, can you help me?"

Oh! I like that.

Hey, why Don'’t you come up here

so we can laugh at you some more.

Now... in fact

why Don'’t we turn this into an open mic night?

If you'’ve got a joke or a song...

Anything that'’ll pack '’em in here

and get me that beemer.