All language subtitles for Sabrina.The.Teenage.Witch.S03E02.Boy.Was.My.Face.Red.WEB-DL.DDP2.0.H.264-squalor_track3_[eng]

I'’m so happy I could plotz.

Not on the kitchen table.

You can say good-bye

to this furry little punim.

What'’s with the yiddish?

Are you going into
show business?

I'’m on-line with a
camel in Jerusalem

who used to be an
amway salesman.

Why'’d the witches'’ council
turn him into a camel?

He used to be an amway salesman.

He was wandering
through the desert

and found a scroll

that says witches like
me can be turned back

into their former
selves if they'’re kissed

by someone who loves them.

Why can'’t you just play
solitaire like regular cats?

One little kiss and I can,
once again, be a man.

I'’ll no longer be a schlemiel.

Salem, Don'’t trust chat rooms.

Besides, you little yutz

who you going
to get to kiss you?

Pucker up.

If I help turn you into a man

the witches'’ council
will turn me into a cat.

What a sad, pathetic
existence that would be.

Moving on.

I love you, Zelda.

[ Makes kissing sounds]

I love you, too

but i'’m not in love with you.

Oh, Sabrina...

Not until you find a new way

of grooming yourself.

Mean. There must
be somebody out there

who'’s not so
stingy with kisses.

Oh, lord, he'’s got
toilet-water breath.

Oh!

I feel udderly ridiculous.

Look at all the great stuff

I found for physics.

Our jet propulsion project'’s

really going to take off.

Not even a mercy laugh.

I just want you to know
i'’m not one of those girls

who drops her friends just
'’cause she'’s dating a guy.

You and Justin are dating?

No.

He asked you out, right?

No.

But you met him, right?

I Don'’t know.

I'’ve imagined so many
conversations with him

I can'’t separate
fiction from reality.

Hey, guys, the soda
machine'’s broken.

All the free drinks you want.

[ Clamoring]

I'’m open.

[ Grunts]

Isn'’t that like stealing?

Oh, great.

Now my soda'’s tainted.

I never associated root beer
with a moral dilemma before.

There he is.

Do you think

he'’ll ever ask me out?

Why Don'’t you ask him out?

That'’s just a way of saying no.

Look, you can ask him out.

We'’re modern women.

We know about jet propulsion.

We do?

We will.

I can'’t. I'’ll get too nervous.

When I get nervous, my mouth
dries out and I can'’t speak.

Take your soda, and
when your mouth gets dry

just take a sip.

All right, i'’ll do it.

Hi.

Hi.

So, Justin...

So, Valerie...

You want to go
out Saturday night?

[ Belches]

Well, at least
she broke the ice.

And the sound barrier.

[ Chuckles]

Valerie?

Valerie!

Help me to the emergency exit.

Come on. You got to
give Justin your answer.

Don'’t blow it.

I already blew it...

Right in his face.

He'’s a guy.

They study burping
as a second language.

Besides, nobody else heard.

You heard and you
were across the room.

I was being a good
friend and eavesdropping.

Trust me. No one heard.

Now, come on.

Don'’t make me start the
speech from ice castles.

Everyone, a big welcome

for Valerie burphead.

[ All laughing]

They'’re just jealous.

Hilda: Come on.
Let'’s go seetitanic.

We could change the ending.

Hilda, no one'’s going
to pay seven dollars

to watch you kiss
Leonardo DiCaprio.

Besides, I have
a date Friday night

and i'’m cleaning my ears.

Last chance to throw yours in.

I just cleaned my
ears. They'’re fine.

Well, at least no
locusts this year.

Salem: Help! I need help!

[ Imitating warbling siren]

Oh, Salem, caught with your head

in the cookie jar?

Hurry. Please, hurry.

I'’ve been in here
for over an hour.

Why didn'’t you call us sooner?

It wasn'’t a problem

until I ran out
of peanut brittle.

Salem, is this a
desperate cry for help?

No. This is:

Help! I'’m running out of air!

Zap it off and give
me mouth to mouth.

Salem, you just want a kiss.

My lips are sweet with brittle.

I guess we should remove it.

Do you want to drive
him to the vet, or should I?

Not the vet.

Cold hands, cold table.

And the probing...

Oh, the probing.

Perfect way to
teach you a lesson.

I should have suffocated
when I had the chance.

I bet they didn'’t even
disinfect the table.

I'’m going to get a disease.

Salem, this is a mortal vet.

Be quiet.

And start acting like a cat.

You want a cat?

I can do cat.

[ Yowling]

Hello. I'’m Dr. Werner.

UN-gow-ah!

And this must be
Salem saberhagen.

You have

different last names.

When we adopted him

he didn'’t want to
change his name.

And to hyphen it just
seemed ridiculous.

Don'’t worry.

I'’m a crazy cat lady, too.

Oh, I think kitty was
playing pooh-bear.

I love it when
they talk baby talk.

Ow!

Uh, meow!

I'’ll be right back
with some lubricant.

I love her.

Hello? She'’s a woman

and she'’s not in love with you.

Please. All vets love animals.

And once I get her to
kiss me, i'’ll be a man.

Quick, British sterling
behind both ears.

All right, this
shouldn'’t hurt a bit.

There you go.

Oh, there.

Boy, he sure is a nuzzler.

Kiss me, pretty lady.

Turn my world around.

[ Purrs]

Hey, the soda machine'’s fixed.

I put in a couple extra quarters

to clear my root beer-
soaked conscience.

Well, that should cover
the 15 sodas you had.

Have you seen Valerie?

No.

I haven'’t seen
or heard burpzilla

since the incident.

Someday, your body
will betray you, Libby

and we'’ll be waiting.

I'’m really worried
about Valerie.

You think she went home?

Well, she did seem to
have some gastric problems.

She really should be here

so that we could
taunt her to her face.

Why do you get so much pleasure

out of other people'’s pain?

I'’m just a positive,
upbeat person.

How could Dr. Werner cone me?

Salem, it will keep you
from licking your wound.

You'’re the one who cut
your head on peanut brittle.

I'’ll never get
kissed like this.

I look like a victrola.

Good idea... then we won'’t
have to listen to you complain.

[ 1920s dance music playing]

There'’s this new-fangled
invention called the hi-fi.

So, how was your day?

I'’m a little worried
about poor Valerie.

I mean, she burped at lunch

and I haven'’t seen her since.

I guess you want to
hear about the time

I burped in high school.

Not really.

I got to go call Valerie.

You know what I
haven'’t heard in ages?

[ Another 1920'’s song plays]

Hi. Is Valerie there?

Valerie: I'’m over here.

Uh, it was a
rhetorical question.

Bye.

Valerie?

How did you get in my house?

It was weird.

Someone slipped
a key under the door

but no one was
home but your cat.

Oh, yeah, my cat let you in.

Anyway, you'’re here because...?

Because I can'’t
go back to school.

I'’m so embarrassed.

I keep replaying
the whole ugly thing

over and over in my mind.

There are so many
unanswered questions.

Why a burp?

Why with Justin?

Why at school?

Why my closet?

Because I feel
safe here, Sabrina.

Look, every morning

i'’ll pretend to go to school

hide here all day,
and relive the incident

as I rock back and
forth in the dark.

That sounds like a fun solution

to your problem.

Stop the music!

Thank you, Sabrina.

Now, if you'’ll excuse
me, I need to remove

a crank from my butt.

I need an anti-embarrassment
spell to help Valerie.

Oh, i'’m sorry, honey.

There is no such spell.

The only way to get
rid of embarrassment

is to just ride it out.

Or put poison in
the town'’s reservoir.

Just a suggestion.

I'’m sorry, Sabrina.

It'’s one of life'’s lessons

and even witches can'’t
tamper with life'’s lessons.

I want to live in a world

where you can
escape your problems

and not learn anything.

Like we Don'’t?

Salem: Whatever'’s on the
clothesline is scaring me.

Oh, no. Your ears.

Hilda, I should
never have asked you

to dry my ears.

You Don'’t hang ears.

You reshape them
and dry them flat.

Sorry. I was never
good at laundry.

Come on. You'’re young.

They'’ll shrink back...

In a day or so.

I hope so because I
have a date Friday night

and I can'’t wear these.

You know, I feel

another song coming on.

♪ Do your ears hang low?

♪ Do they wobble to and fro

♪ can you tie them in a
knot? Can you tie...? ♪

Wait, this is my fault.

You'’re a good friend.

Thanks for standing by me.

Of course, i'’d stand by you.

I'’ve never seen

so much laughing,
mocking, name-calling.

I think you'’ve had enough.

Look, you can hang out
here as long as you want

but i'’m going to
get back to work

on our jet propulsion project.

Oh, I completely forgot
our project'’s due tomorrow.

That'’s okay. I Don'’t
need any sleep.

I can'’t dump that
whole thing on you.

What? We'’re going to do a
satellite feed from my room?

No. I'’ll just have to face
that one class for you.

You'’d do that for me?

Well, you'’re sharing
your room with me.

By the way

can I borrow this
weird, jeweled book?

No! Mine!

Oh, that'’s right.

You'’re an only child.

Yes, Dr. Werner.

May I call you Jean?

Okay, so, Dr. Werner.

I know you Don'’t
normally make house calls

but it would really
help Salem'’s recovery

if you could come by and
smother him with kisses.

Salem, get off the phone.

Valerie'’s such a great friend.

She'’s going to face
school just for me.

You got me off the phone

with the future Mrs.
Saberhagen for that?

Is there any way
I could help her

get rid of her embarrassment?

Well, there is a spell.

Not according to my aunts.

For one teensy kiss

i'’ll let you in on
the little-known fact

that embarrassment
is cross-referenced

in the magic book
under Gerald Ford.

Thanks, Salem.

Wait, I didn'’t do that right.

"To remove embarrassment,
one must laugh at one'’s self.

Add a pinch of ha-ha root."

We have it

and yet, we'’re
always out of vanilla.

A banana peel?

"The embarrassee must
slip on this peel in public

"to remove embarrassment.

If dissatisfied, exchange
for seltzer bottle"?

I feel like everyone'’s
staring at me.

They'’re not staring at you.

They'’re staring with you.

Hi, Valerie. Love your belch.

I mean, belt.

Just ignore her.

I have a feeling
sometime real soon

we'’re going to
laugh about this.

Not in this life.

[ Yelps]

Come on. Laugh at yourself.

[ Chuckling]

Here, let me give you a hand.

Thanks.

Yeah, i'’m starting to
look at clown colleges.

Valerie, about Saturday night...

Yes. When I burp,
it means "yes."

When I spit milk out my nose

it means "no."

Great. So, i'’ll pick
you up at 8:00?

Mm-hmm.

Uh, great.

I had banana goo on my butt

when I was talking
to Justin, didn'’t I?

Yeah.

Oh, who cares?

We better get to physics.

And they say you can'’t
get rid of embarrassment.

It'’s a classic.

So, by definition, it'’s
the momentum derived

from ejection of exhaust stream.

Sabrina?

Thank you, Valerie.

"Another form of jet propulsion
is the rapid flow of gas

from within a propelled body."

[ Breaks wind]

[ Snickers]

Oh, the humanity.

Most people just
use visual aids.

I...

"Uh, so the different
examples of propulsion

are the rocket and the fan-jet."

Yeah, we could use
a fan right about now.

[ Class laughs]

Go, go, go!

Hold me!

Boy, is your face red.

Oh, no. You cast

an anti-embarrassment
spell on Valerie.

Yeah. The one
you said didn'’t exist.

Honey, did it ever occur
to you just to listen to us?

The cat said...

You can'’t get rid
of embarrassment.

You can only displace it.

It'’s left Valerie and
been transferred to you

since you cast the spell.

Oops. I blame it on the cone.

Oh, honey, you got

a little spinach in your teeth.

That'’s the least of it.

You Don'’t know the
embarrassment i'’ve seen.

Oh, Sabrina, everyone
has embarrassing moments.

It'’s happened
throughout history.

Even the most famous people
have lived through humiliation

but that'’s not what
they'’re remembered for.

Let'’s roll tape.

Historical moments
not in history.

Announcer: Queen Victoria
greets her loyal subjects.

On this fateful day not
even Camelot was Camelot.

[ Fabric ripping]

Guinevere, avert your eyes.

We declared our independence

but not without a fight.

You had to show off

with the "k."

Better order dinner.

Now we'’ve got some
real writing to do.

The master Da
Vinci suffersfor his art.

[ Burps]

And that'’shistorical
momentsnot in history.

See? And they were all
remembered for their greatness.

But none of them
were in high school.

Sabrina, I have to talk to you.

I know why you'’re here...

To try to talk me

into going back to school.

No! Don'’t go back. You
can'’t. The laughter is deafening.

Even if you change

your identity and
became a brunette

they'’d find you.

I shouldn'’t even be here.

Trust no one.

There'’s nowhere to go.

There'’s nowhere to hide!

There'’s got to be
somewhere to hide.

Let'’s see, i'’ve got a
bedroom, a bathroom, a vortex...

Wait a minute.

Wow, this is great.

I should have got
embarrassed last summer.

Can I get you something?

Yeah, i'’d like one
of those pretty drinks

with the umbrellas in it

and throw in a
cherry, my good man.

The best fruit smoothie in
the other realm coming right up.

"Dear Valerie, hello
from the islands.

"Wish you were here.

I'’ve told you too
much already."

So where you from?

You look like a
girl with a story.

No story. I'’m not
escaping from anything.

You been here before?

You look familiar.

Impossible.

Hey, you'’re Sabrina.

I Don'’t know

what you'’re talking about.

No, no, no, no. No, no.

You'’re Sabrina.

Hey, look, everyone.

It'’s Sabrina.

[ Laughing]

And it happened in
front of the whole class.

[ Laughing]

It'’s a perfectly
normal bodily function.

So been to the
other realm islands?

How'’d you know?

Hilda and I spent puberty there.

I was a redhead.

But how did they know?

Witches are always
scouring the globe

looking for a good laugh.

Although we just
Don'’t get British humor.

I guess i'’m just going
to have to face my fate.

Home schooling.

Oh, honey, running away

never solves anything.

You will get through this.

Yeah. You just have
to look at the big picture.

At any given moment

high school students
all across the country

are doing something
embarrassing.

Yeah, but did all those
people...? I can'’t even say it.

Cheese?

Oh...

[ Laughing]

You what?

[ Howling]

Whoa.

That is the queen
mother of embarrassment.

Well

I can teach her music,
and, Zelda, you can teach...

Come on, it doesn'’t
matter whathappened.

Life goes on, and eventually

everything becomes
yesterday'’s news.

In the meantime, try
not to worry too much

about what other people think.

But if I Don'’t worry about
what other people think

what will they say?

Trust me. It'’s
going to be okay.

Oh, I forgot to call and
postpone my date with frank.

Why? You'’re not embarrassed
about your ears, are you?

Well, of course not.

I just felt I should
be here with you.

Well, i'’m fine, and I
have and I have aunt hilda.

Well, then, okay.

I guess i'’ll... Keep my date.

I wouldn'’t wear earrings.

Salem: Somebody?
I'’m stuck cone down.

Take me to Dr. Werner'’s. Stat!

I'’ll take you.

I'’m the only
member of this family

who can still go out in public.

I do not like this laceration
at the base of his tail.

Unfortunately, I think
we need to shave him.

Well, we want

what'’s best for Salem

even if it does
mean a bare bottom.

But the beautiful
doctor will see my popo.

Yes, i'’ve been
working for weeks

on molecular cohesion

but it'’s just not
coming together.

[ Laughing]L Zelda,
you'’re so witty, so intelligent

and so lovely.

I just want to whisper
sweet nothings

in your ear.

[ Screaming]

So tell me about your work.

Well, I guess

i'’m ready to face school.

On second thought...

Ah, this is a snugly place
to wait out adolescence.

Come on, Sabrina, get up.

You'’re going to be late,
and I want the warm bed.

I'’m not going. I can'’t possibly
be yesterday'’s news yet.

Come on, you'’re a witch.

Use your magic to make other
people do embarrassing things.

You can be
yesterday'’s news today.

Something'’s wrong. This is
kind of making sense to me.

You bet it makes sense.

Now how about a thank-you kiss?

They keep saying everyone
has embarrassing moments

so I would just be
helping things along.

Don'’t rationalize, mobilize.

You'’ve got to save yourself.

You'’re right. It'’s
a jungle out there...

Survival of the fittest.

I'’m not going
down without a fight.

Okay, you'’re pumped.
Now go to school.

Thanks, Salem.

Hey, I owed you one.

I really appreciate
your covering

my shaved behind
with these nice pants.

The sight of your chicken
skin was making me sick.

Glad I didn'’t bother to
write a thank-you note.

Well, time to become
yesterday'’s news.

Sabrina, you'’re here.

Ooh, I hate to say this

but the red face isn'’t
much of a disguise.

Yeah, yeah,
yeah, i'’ll work on it.

Okay, where'’s my first victim?

Aha! Get ready to become
a human dribble-glass.

Nah.

Whoo! One uncontrollablerunny
nose coming right up.

Do it.

Nah.

Kiss, kiss.

Let'’s see you try flirting

with bad breath.

I can'’t.

I'’ll just ride it out
like everyone else.

Hey, Sabrina.

Sorry you got humiliated

the other day, but at least

I finally got a day off.

I'’m glad I could help.

You know, I always used
to think you were so perfect

almost like you weren'’t human

but it turns out
you'’re just one of us.

Yeah, I guess I am.

Well, I guess this doesn'’t
have any magic anymore.

This is for the football team.

Out of my way.

[ Screams]

Laugh. Split a gut.

Well, everyone'’s
back to normal...

My face, Salem'’s behind

and Zelda'’s ears, aunt hilda...

Well, someday.

[ Laughing]

You'’re grounded.

Hello.

Salem, I bet it feels good

to get rid of that cone, huh?

Oh, you'’re such a good kitty.

Come here, little guy.

Salem: This is it.

I'’m going to be a big guy.

Nothing happened!

That stupid, stupid camel!

[ Gasping]

Salem, have you

lost your mind?

Aw, she'’ll wake up

and think she'’s just overworked

and needs a vacation.

Maybe the spell
will work if I kiss her.

[ Sobbing]

Guess it'’s time to
change vets again.