All language subtitles for s b t b s02e09 1080p web h264-ggez (1)_track3_[eng]

[upbeat music]

- So, Kaley,

who you taking to the
Solstice Dance this weekend?

- Ugh, I can't decide.

I mean, this is
Valley High's most important

social event of the year.

- You think you have problems?

Ping-Pong just got canceled

'cause Coach Nader
got a concussion.

- Dope stroll, Jake.

- Oh, is he--
- Guys...

we need to figure out
how to beat Bayside

in the School Spirit
Competition

that's over a year away
right now.

- No, thanks.

- Ooh, we could fill their
lockers with shaving cream?

- You're thinking
too small.

- We could burn down their
school and piss on the ashes.

- You're also
thinking too small.

Guys, if we want
to guarantee victory,

then we need to know their
every move before they make it.

Get inside their heads.

Become Baysiders.

Oh, my God, that's it.

I'm gonna go
undercover as a mole.

- But you can't, Jake.
You're the King of Valley.

You can't go to Bayside.
It's disgusting.

- It's also insane.

- So insane, it just might...

[tense music]

Go the way I want it to.

[record scratch]
- Pause.

Check, please.

[school bell rings]

- * When I go to bed at one *

* Got to wake up on the run *

* Or I'll be late 'cause
I keep hitting the snooze *

* All I want is
half a waffle *

* But this pimple's
looking awful *

* Got to skate
on up to Valley *

* I think I found an excuse *

* It's all fine *

* I'm in the nick of time *

[dramatic music]

- You're a mole from Valley?

[all gasp]
- Wow.

- Wait, but how could
you be a mole?

I went undercover
to research you.

- But I had all of Valley
behind me covering my tracks.

The computer club
faked my socials.

- [gasps]

- The rich kids pooled together
their allowance

to get me a condo
in the Bayside zip code.

And the drama kids gave me
this nerdy persona

and taught me how
to tuck my hair

behind my ear
in a cute, shy way.

all: Aw.

- Babe.
- I'm sorry.

- So you are evil?
Mac was right?

- Yeah, and I don't know
how he knew.

What gave it away?

Was it when I tried to sabotage
the talent show

by getting you to perform?

- Hey, Daisy,
your guilt convinced me.

I'm gonna compete
in the talent show.

Thanks, bud.
- What?

- Then me and Eunice are out.
- Sorry, Daisy...

- Or was it when

my beloved Valley bulldog
was excited to see me?

- [barks]

- Figure it out, Spirit Czar.

- Or was it when I made sure

that you were named
Spirit Czar

'cause I knew you'd fail?

- You should be
the Spirit Czar.

- Oh, my God.
- [laughs]

- You finally see
the talent in me.

- So, tell me, what was it?

- What you failed
to consider is

I'm too self-absorbed
to have noticed any of that.

I just hated you for no reason.

- Man, why are you bragging
about a plan that didn't work?

Mac did a good job
as Spirit Czar.

- Thank you.
- Yes.

Which forced me
to move to Plan B--

destroying all evidence
of Bayside's volunteer hours.

- But I watched you upload

all of the hours
to the Spirit database.

- You watched me upload them

to SoYouWantThisTo
DisappearForever.com,

and then I handed them
to you to shred and incinerate.

- Oh, yeah. I did do that.

[all groan]
- Come on, now.

- Of course you did

'cause you're
a gullible Bayside idiot.

- And what about me?

I guess I'm the biggest idiot
of them all.

- Daisy. Daisy, wait.

I know how it sounds,
but the only thing

that didn't go to plan
was falling for you.

If we could just talk about--
- Talk about what?

I don't even know
your real name.

- It's Jake Takamura.

Daisy, my feelings were real.

- Yo, man, I don't think she
wants to talk to you right now.

- Yeah, why don't you
get the hell out of here.

- You disgust me, Gil,

if that's even your real name.
[spits]

- I just said it's Jake.
- Yeah, I forgot! I know!

- Go.

[somber music]

* *

I just feel so stupid.

- Daisy, this kind of thing
happens all the time.

- It does?

- Well, not this exact thing,
but, you know,

you fall for someone and then
later find out he's a cheater

or an organ harvester,
or he has a secret room

full of Victorian dolls

who all wear
tiny versions of your outfits.

- Hmm.
[phone rings]

- It's Gil. Maybe I should--
- Uh! Mm-mm.

- Come on.
I can handle talking to him.

I just need to know
how much of it was a lie.

- The only thing
that you need to know is

that boy's a full-on sociopath.

- Yeah, and he's gonna
keep calling you,

so you better
block his number now.

- Oh, I can't block numbers
on my phone.

You have to put
in a request with Marge

at the operator's office,

but she's on a
Viking River Cruise this week.

- Well, then someone
should stay with you

so you're not tempted
to answer the phone...

someone like your best friend.

- Aisha's right.

I'll do it.

- Don't you have more important
things to worry about?

Bayside's out
of the Spirit Competition.

- Oh, we'll be competing.

Let's just say that I have
one last trick up my sleeve...

Tattling to adults.

- He told my mom,

and she is the best
at holding people accountable.

After the BP oil spill,

she got every executive
there to adopt a pet duck,

only two of which
were turned into pâté.

* *

- So Gil was a mole, huh?

[scoffs]
I knew our generation was right

to have an irrational
hatred of nerds.

- Mm.
- So how's Daisy holding up?

- I'm not sure.

I offered to help, but she said
she didn't want to talk.

- [scoffs] Man, Valley's
so lucky we're grown-ups now,

'cause when we were kids,
we met fire with fire.

- Remember when they stole
Screech's lucky hat,

so we kidnapped
their chess player?

He got sent back to Siberia.

Now his job is breaking rocks
with his hands.

- Yeah, it took me
a long time to realize

the best revenge is an open
and honest conversation.

- Okay, you keep saying
emotionally mature things.

You're barely sexist anymore.
What's going on with you?

- Don't let this
go to your head, but...

I took your advice and
started doing a little therapy.

- Slater, I'm proud of you.

- Yeah,
I think it's working, too.

Haven't punched a hole
in a wall in, like, three days.

And that's only 'cause of the
Dodger's lousy relief pitching.

That damn bullpen just--
[breathes deeply]

Breathe, Slater, breathe.

See?

[electricity crackles]

- What the hell was that?
- Ooh.

Did you just feel a chill?
- Yeah.

- Jessie, Slater,
this is Pat Krampus.

She's the principal
of Valley High.

- Let's make this fast.

I'm late for a very
important dark summoning.

- Did you mean to say,
like, meeting

or something normal like that?

- No.

* *

- So we just need you
to call the Spirit board

and explain
what your student did

so we can get
our Spirit hours reinstated.

- Mm, I'm afraid
I can't do that.

- But Gil cheated.

He destroyed all evidence
of our students' hard work.

- And what about the hard work
our sweet Gil put in?

He walked
your disgusting halls.

He ate your disgusting food.

He took PE with your disgusting
gym teacher, Slater.

- Hey, I'm Slater.
- I know.

Look, Gil was
a registered student,

so everything he did was
completely within the rules.

Now, if that's all, I would
literally rather stand

in a crypt full of spiders than
sit here for one more moment,

which speaking of--

[scoffs]
Yep, I'm late.

Hmm.

* *

- Huh.

I thought
she was gonna be nice.

I mean, she gave me
this beautiful necklace.

* *

- You should take that off.

- It doesn't want me to.

* *

Okay, so I told
the Spirit board the situation,

and they refused
to reinstate our hours.

[all groaning]

Listen, listen,
there's still hope.

Look, all we need to qualify is

15,000 new volunteer hours
before midnight tonight.

- That's impossible.

- Well, if we can't win, can we
at least prank them back?

- No, no, no, no, no.

We're not wasting time
on another prank.

Come on, think, think.

How do we get 15,000
volunteer hours in one day?

- Where's that Gil kid?
He always had great ideas.

What?

I had a doctor's appointment
yesterday.

What happened?

[phone rings]

- No.

- Damn.
- Come on, one idea.

- Oof, this is hard.

- When I was in high school,

we just solved everything
with a dance contest.

- Slater, that's it.

Look, 12 hours
times the entire student body

of 1,250 students

equals exactly 15,000 hours.

both: A 12-hour dance-a-thon
for charity!

- Okay, everyone,
we need to start at noon

and dance
for 12 hours straight.

No one can even stop
for a minute.

- I will make it mandatory.

I will also be DJ.
I took Diplo's master class.

Well, I watched an ad for it.

- Okay, guys, we're gonna pull
this off in a way that Valley

never saw coming--

by working hard
and playing by the rules.

Let's go, Bayside!

[cheers and applause]

- I am so proud of these kids
for being so responsible.

- Yeah, and it's cool that
they're doing it the right way

and not, like, pranking
the principal or something.

- You wouldn't want to go prank

that evil Valley bitch,
would you?

- Oh, so glad
you said it first.

* *

- Chloe?

Hey, I'm sorry I didn't
text you back last night.

Daisy was upset,
so we ate ice cream

and watched
her favorite chick flick--

the confirmation hearing
of Sonia Sotomayor.

[both chuckle]

- Uh, so are you
going to the dance later?

- Uh, oh, I--
I don't know.

- You don't have a choice.

Don't be all like,
"Oh, I don't know."

You're going!

- God, it's going
to be so tragic

with all
the straight kids flossing

to the "Friends" theme song
or whatever it is they do.

- Mm.
- Uh...

if you ever need a break,
maybe save me a dance?

- Oh, I--

[British accent]
I shall reserve a spot for you

on my dance card, m'lady.

- Oh, Aisha,
thank God I found you!

There's an urgent call
from your...

What's something everyone has?

Hedge-maze trimmer.
- [normal voice] Oh, yes.

* *

Thank you. When I'm nervous,
my flirting gets real weird.

Was I doing
a "Bridgerton" voice?

- Yeah, I could sense you were
about to tip an invisible cap.

- [groans softly]

I might have
a little bit of a crush.

And it might kind of be
my first crush like this.

- Oh, wow.

- Oh, I mean,
on someone I know.

There was Sue Bird,
Janelle Monáe,

this headless mannequin
at PacSun

wearing board shorts
and a bikini top.

Oh.

You know, you're kind of

the first person that
I've talked to about this.

- Well, I'm honored
but not surprised.

I've always been
an amazing listener.

- [chuckles]
- And Chloe's really cool.

- Yeah, but...

going to the dance with her

or even walking down
the hall with her

feels like an announcement
that I'm not ready to make.

- Well, you'll know
when you're ready.

And if you do decide to dance
with Chloe tonight,

no one's gonna be
watching because--

and I don't want
to be giving it away--

my dress will be alive.

* *

- I can't believe
the security guard

bought that
we were lunch ladies.

- You really sold it.

I didn't realize
you knew so much

about the process of
manufacturing chicken nuggets.

Okay, now, we don't
have much time.

- I still think
we should've done my idea.

You know how many joke shops
I had to go to

to get this trick pen?

Two, but the prices
were higher at the second one,

so then I had to
drive back to the first.

- Slater, a leaky pen
is not good enough.

We need to do real damage.

Okay, I'm in her iCal
right now,

moving all her meetings
by a half hour.

She's gonna be late
to things for months,

except her niece's wedding,
where she'll arrive

three hours early and be forced
to set up the chairs.

- Ooh, that--that's good
right there.

Yeah, you--
you got her on that one.

- Oh, we got to get
out of here.

She has a meeting
with the superintendent.

- Brenda, I'm back
from that hellhole.

* *

[both grunt]

- Okay, if it--if there
was a rat skeleton

three inches from your hand,
would you want to know?

- We're lucky Lexi
got a partnership

with the SpaceX energy drink.

Can't believe they sent us
so many free cases.

- Yeah. Manufactured in...

"Help us. We're in a sweat shop
orbiting Earth."

[phone rings]
- No.

Why do you want to talk
to that monster anyways?

- I just have
a lot of questions.

Like, if you were an evil mole
with no real emotion,

then why would you want me
to tell my mom about you?

- To signal that
my feelings are serious

so that you obsess over it,

impairing your
decision-making abilities

and leading you to name an
incompetent idiot Spirit Czar.

- Whoa.

Of course. Mac, I don't need
Gil to get answers.

I just need you.

You and Gil are
the same kind of monster.

- What?
No, he's a bad monster.

I'm a fun monster like Elmo

or Grover or James Corden.

- Are you gonna help me or not?

- Why? It's not gonna change
what he did.

- Yeah, but
if he actually liked me,

it means he tricked me 5% less,

and that'll make me
feel 5% less stupid.

- All right, I'll help you.

[phone rings]

No.

- Okay, everybody,
the only rules are--

number one,
you must always be dancing,

even during
the bathroom breaks.

Number two, have fun out there.

I'm just kidding.

I don't care if it's fun!
It's for Spirit!

- [clears throat]
- Oh, this is Barry.

Barry is from
the Spirit Association.

He's here to make sure
that everything is aboveboard.

Do not try to bribe Barry.

He's independently wealthy.

He's just doing this
as a post-retirement gig

because he loves rules.

All right.

Let the dance-a-thon begin.
[whistle blows]

[cheers and applause]

[upbeat dance music plays]

* *

- Whoo! We're definitely
going to make it.

I'm not tired at all!
- It's been 10 seconds.

* *

- * Let's go to work *

* To the left *

* Take it back now, y'all *

- Wow, I've never seen someone

so confidently do
the Cha Cha Slide wrong.

- Oh, I don't
follow instructions.

My IKEA bookshelf
is a wooden board

with exposed nails
that I impale my books on.

- Oh, you think you're badass?

I still haven't passed
my driver's ed test

'cause I refuse to let
a sign tell me what to do.

Yield? You yield.
- Yeah.

- * Come on
cha-cha now, y'all *

- Hey, okay,
so why did Gil tell me

his most embarrassing secret,

like how he pooped his pants
in kindergarten?

- Why is every Disney character
an orphan?

Sharing a sad fact
about his past

immediately makes you
sympathize with him.

- Okay, then why did
Gil give me this bracelet

that's been in his family
for generations?

Bracelet that's been
in his family for generations.

It was a recording device?
- Mm-hmm.

- There's got to be
something else.

Come on, conga us out of here.

- * Left foot this time *

* Charlie Brown *

- [groans] How long
do we have to hide up here?

My Fitbit said
I was supposed to do

jumping jacks ten minutes ago.

She's gonna be mad at me.

- We'll stay up here
all day if we have to.

It'll all be worth it
when that mean lady's life

is upended
by my brilliant prank.

- Brenda, something's wrong
with my iCal.

* *

All my meetings are a half hour
later for some reason.

Oh, never mind. I fixed it.

- I told you we did it.
- Did what?

Get her shirt dirty?

I wanted to destroy her life.

* *

- [sighs]

Oh.

- Pat, why are you half-naked?
- Oh...

- My wife is here.

- [gasps] Roger, I knew
you were having an affair.

- No, I don't know why
she'd do this.

She's crazy.

- Oh, the only person
who's crazy is me

for believing
that a man could change.

* *

- You had to force my hand,
didn't you, Pat?

- No.

- You couldn't let me
tell her in my own time.

- No, it was an accident.
It was the pen.

- No more excuses.
It's over, Pat.

- Roger, no!
But I love you!

It was the pen!

The pen.

- You're a genius.
- Yes.

- Now let's get out of here.

- Oh, wait, Jessie...

don't be scared, but...

there's a rat skull
in your hair.

* *

- I'm getting tired.
- No, you're not.

Here, have some of my water.

It tastes gross, but the more
I drink it, the better I feel.

- Bro, this is an energy drink.
It's full of caffeine.

- Caffeine, that's the stuff

my mom doesn't let us
keep in the house.

- I-I see why.

- Hey, my heart feels cool,

like it's trying to escape.

Okay.
- Okay.

* *

- Oh, it's just snakeskin.

I was scared when you said
it would be alive.

- Yeah, just snakeskin.
[chuckles]

Shh.
[chuckles]

So I saw you dancing
with Chloe.

Looked like
you were having fun.

- We are. It's been chill.

Mostly just dancing
in a big group.

- So no slow dances?

- I want to,
but I keep getting nervous

and making up an excuse
whenever a slow song starts.

I told her I thought

"All My Life" by K-Ci & JoJo
is overrated.

- And she bought that?

[gasps]
Look, he was doodling my name

and he even drew
little hearts over the I's.

That's got to be good.
- Oh, that's really bad.

He was practicing
your signature.

- [sighs]

* *

- [gasps]

* *

We're good.
- Okay.

All right, what else?

[gasps]

Oh, my God, look,
he was going to surprise me

with tickets
to my favorite comedy show.

- Uh, I would hardly call
a live taping

of "Pod Save America"
a comedy show.

- But look at the date, it's
weeks after the Spirit contest.

This proves it--
his feelings were real.

- Oh, Daisy, come on.

This is a textbook
diversion tactic.

You always keep tickets
to a future event

in your back pocket in case
your target gets suspicious.

I'm supposed to go
the 2028 Olympics

with, like,
three different girls.

- Okay, fine, but there's
got to be something else.

* *

What the--

Is this his phone?

- Oh, snap.
This is his real phone.

Let's see what we got.

Oh, this is weird.
Look at his email drafts.

- "I hope you can forgive me,
and in spite of everything,

"maybe one day
we can be together.

Yours, Jake Takamura."

- Did he sign
with his real name?

- Yeah. Okay, so what's
the explanation?

- There isn't one.

Once a mark knows you
by your alias,

you never give up
your real name.

There's a woman in Pasadena

who thinks she's married
to Donnie Dingleberry.

These emails are legit.

- Okay, so that means...

he did care about me?
- Yeah, I guess.

That's good, though, right?

That's what you wanted.

* *

- * Beat down,
make it better *

* On the floor,
we make it better *

* On the floor,
we make it better *

* Break that beat down *

* Make it better *

* On the floor,
we make it better *

[Michael Bolton's "How Am I
Supposed to Live Without You"]

- Want to dance?

* *

- [British accent]
'Twould be an honor.

[chuckles awkwardly]

[clears throat, normal voice]
I mean, yes.

That would be nice.

- * I could hardly
believe it *

* When I heard
the news today *

* I had to come and
get it straight from you *

- I know we're always ragging
on how stupid we were

back in high school,
but maybe we weren't all wrong.

- * Swept your heart away *

- Dancing can solve problems.

Pranks are hilarious.

Even our clothes
are back in style again.

The theme for the next Met ball
is the TGIF lineup.

- Yeah, I guess if you give it
enough time,

everything comes back around.

- * Oh *

- Well, at least
the good things.

* *

- * Tell me, how am I... *

- Um, my tire...
I need to check it.

- * Now that I've been loving
you so long *

- I see a yearbook cover!
[camera shutter clicks]

So cute!

- Oh, my God.
Are you okay?

- I'm fine. I'm fine.

I can Kerri Strug it.

- [groans]
- Oh, no, Spencer.

Spence, can you hear me?

Listen to my voice.
Who is the president?

- Of the Academy? Laura Dern.
- She lost!

It's casting director
David Rubin.

Oh, God, he's concussed.

- But we need
every single student.

Hey, how about
we tie strings to him,

and I Pinocchio his little
body from the ceiling?

That should--I mean, his health
is my first priority.

Let's just get you
to the hospital.

- Oh, God.
- [groans]

- Somebody order an Uber Black.

- Uh, it seems
like you need some space.

- Uh...
[groans]

- This is a disaster.

Without Spencer,
we won't qualify.

- Yeah! One hour left
and only 1,249 dancers.

That's one hour short,
but if I dance fast enough,

I can look like two people.
Watch, it'll be good.

- * How am I supposed to live
without you? *

- Oh.
- Oh.

[phone rings]

- [sighs]

Hey.

Yeah, we do need to talk.

Can I see you?

- Everybody just keep dancing.
I'll think of a plan.

What if we separated
the conjoined twins?

- Not on their birthday.

- With enough stage makeup,
I could play Spencer.

- But who'd play Lexi?

- You're right--
it's an impossible role

that only exposes an actresses
weakness, like Jackie Kennedy.

- [sighs]

* *

- Wow.

Thanks for meeting me.

I just wanted
a chance to explain.

- What is there to explain?

You've been lying to me
since I met you.

- Well, I have no reason
to lie anymore.

And the truth is, you are
the best person I've ever met.

I mean, you do
community service,

even when it's not for points.

You went to your brother's
clarinet recital voluntarily.

And while we sat there
listening to his rendition

of "Imagine,"
which I can respectfully say

is the worst thing that's
ever happened to John Lennon,

I looked at you
watching him proudly.

And I realized, I want to see
the world the way you do.

You bring out
the good in people

and make everyone
around you better.

- Well, I didn't make
you better...

and it sucks.

I thought you were
my first real boyfriend.

I thought you were
gonna carry my books,

and we'd be cute
at dances like this,

but now we never will.

[soft music playing inside]

* *

- Well, at least let me
make it up to you.

We can have our first dance
right here, right now.

- * I wonder where this road *

* Might carry and take me *

* I wonder how this load
might make or break me *

* Following the man
that has... *

- Okay, what are we gonna do?

- We could trick Jamie's mom
into seducing Barry?

No, but how'd that
make Jamie feel?

- Who cares?
Barry's doing his final check.

We need an evil Mac scheme.

- Schemes don't
have to be evil.

Schindler's list
was a scheme.

- Well, maybe we can
still be together?

- How?

I don't even
really know you.

- But you do.
It wasn't all lies.

I know how I feel
when I'm around you.

That's real.

You can't say
you don't feel it, too.

- I do, but it doesn't matter.

Even if I forgive you,

no one at this school
ever will.

- Well, since when do you care
what they think?

That's what so special
about you.

You're not like
the rest of them.

You're not a Bayside kid.

* *

- I'm as Bayside
as they come, loser.

[whistle blows]

- Is it over?

- Wait, what's going on?

- This isn't just
any school dance.

This is a charity dance-a-thon.

And while you were all like,

"Boo-hoo,
my feelings were real,"

we were dancing.

You just helped Bayside
get the exact number

of hours needed
to qualify for Spirit.

- This can't be true.
- It is.

You're a registered
Bayside student, remember?

- Well, you'll never win.

Our entire school's been
preparing for this all year.

- It doesn't matter.

You're going down, asshole.

- Daisy, language.

Just kidding.
That was [bleep] awesome!

- Oh.
[squeals]

Bye.

[dramatic music]

- Did we make it?

- It is my great pleasure
to announce that Bayside

has officially qualified
to compete

in the High School
Spirit Competition.

[cheers and applause]

- Yes! I'm so excited!

I'm so excited!

I'm so--[retches]

- Hey.

So I was looking
through Spencer's camera

and thought I should
probably delete these

before I give it back.

[camera beeps]

- We're cute, aren't we?

Don't delete these.

Hey, uh, Chloe, can I talk
to you for a second?

Um, I know that it looked like
that I'd rather assault someone

than be photographed
with you, but--

- It looked like that
because that's what happened.

I'm sorry
if I read the vibe wrong.

- You didn't.
Um...

I'm bi, and...

I've never said that
out loud before.

So, uh, if you're cool
with, like...

going at my speed...

I'd really like to keep
hanging out with you.

- [British accent]
Blimey,

I'd like that a lot, ma'am.

[both chuckle]

[soft music]

* *

- Hey.

You feeling okay?

- I fooled Gil
the same way he fooled me,

but I still feel stupid.

- You didn't know.
- But I should've.

I wish I can fast-forward
through high school

and be a smart, rational adult

with a sensible four-door sedan
with radio presets for NPR.

- Daisy, being an adult

doesn't protect you
from feeling stupid.

Whether you find out
your boyfriend's a mole

or you spend 20 years married
to a man who doesn't believe

in vaccines but did eat
a fungus to get high...

- Did your husband do that?

- No, all husbands do that.

These examples are universal.
- Oh.

- My point is,
love is kind of stupid.

It requires you
to put yourself out there

knowing there's a chance that
it's going to end in disaster.

- So just avoid love
at all costs?

- No, just because it's stupid
doesn't mean it's not worth it.

Sometimes being stupid is
the bravest thing you can do.

* *

- [high-pitched voice]
I didn't steal these.

They said I could have them.

- Oh, my God,
you are so stupid.

* *

- Whoa.

* *