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- John Locke said it was
the duty of government
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00:00:09,426 --> 00:00:11,177
to protect citizens'
natural rights,
3
00:00:11,219 --> 00:00:12,721
which he defined as--
4
00:00:14,389 --> 00:00:16,891
- God bless America!
5
00:00:16,933 --> 00:00:18,518
[laughter]
6
00:00:18,560 --> 00:00:21,271
- Mr. Morris, I have had it!
7
00:00:21,312 --> 00:00:23,231
This next slide better be
about John Locke,
8
00:00:23,273 --> 00:00:24,941
and not the character
from "Lost,"
9
00:00:24,983 --> 00:00:26,609
the 17th-century philosopher!
10
00:00:29,487 --> 00:00:31,698
All right.
Fine.
11
00:00:31,740 --> 00:00:33,074
Let's continue.
12
00:00:33,116 --> 00:00:34,242
[PA tone sounds]
13
00:00:34,284 --> 00:00:35,702
- Mr. Kim to the office,
please.
14
00:00:35,744 --> 00:00:37,078
Your diarrhea medicine
is here.
15
00:00:37,120 --> 00:00:39,414
[laughter]
16
00:00:39,456 --> 00:00:42,000
- That's it.
I quit!
17
00:00:42,042 --> 00:00:44,669
I hope you're happy!
18
00:00:46,838 --> 00:00:49,758
- And class dismissed!
19
00:00:49,799 --> 00:00:52,427
[cheers and applause]
Thank you. Thank you.
20
00:00:52,469 --> 00:00:55,513
- Mac, you pushed that poor man
to his breaking point
21
00:00:55,555 --> 00:00:57,682
just so we could get out
of class 15 minutes early?
22
00:00:57,724 --> 00:00:59,893
- Would've done it
for one minute.
23
00:00:59,934 --> 00:01:03,188
It's about the journey,
not the destination, baby.
24
00:01:03,229 --> 00:01:04,230
[clicks tongue]
25
00:01:04,272 --> 00:01:05,940
[rock music]
26
00:01:05,982 --> 00:01:08,610
- Hey, pal, you ready for
the best weekend of your life?
27
00:01:08,651 --> 00:01:10,278
- It's gonna be hard
to top last weekend.
28
00:01:10,320 --> 00:01:12,030
I can't believe
I own the Lakers now.
29
00:01:12,072 --> 00:01:14,657
[beachy rock music]
30
00:01:14,699 --> 00:01:17,327
[engine revving, tires screech]
31
00:01:17,369 --> 00:01:20,914
* *
32
00:01:20,955 --> 00:01:24,376
- * Cool bros livin'
cool lives *
33
00:01:24,417 --> 00:01:27,629
* Cool sunglasses
and cool high fives *
34
00:01:27,671 --> 00:01:30,799
* Cool guys doin' cool stuff *
35
00:01:30,840 --> 00:01:33,635
* That makes you wonder
if you aren't cool enough *
36
00:01:33,677 --> 00:01:37,722
* We're cool dudes
doin' cool things *
37
00:01:37,764 --> 00:01:40,141
- Oh, sorry, Dolores.
[music stops]
38
00:01:40,183 --> 00:01:41,643
Hey, we can go
to the real beach.
39
00:01:41,685 --> 00:01:43,311
- We can?
40
00:01:43,353 --> 00:01:45,146
- Oh no, I just meant
that we would just--
41
00:01:45,188 --> 00:01:49,943
- * Now don't you wish
you could be cool like us *
42
00:01:49,984 --> 00:01:53,321
- "To have a beer with a man
is to know his soul."
43
00:01:53,363 --> 00:01:56,157
Hm, well,
that's enough for tonight.
44
00:01:56,199 --> 00:01:57,367
Time for bed.
45
00:01:57,409 --> 00:01:58,660
- Dad, this weekend was dope.
46
00:01:58,702 --> 00:01:59,869
It's fun to having you home
all the time.
47
00:01:59,911 --> 00:02:03,415
- Yeah.
Not having a job's the best.
48
00:02:03,456 --> 00:02:04,833
I don't know why everyone
was always complaining
49
00:02:04,874 --> 00:02:06,751
about the historically
high unemployment rates
50
00:02:06,793 --> 00:02:07,752
when I was governor.
51
00:02:07,794 --> 00:02:09,170
- Yeah.
I just wish I didn't have
52
00:02:09,212 --> 00:02:10,755
to go to school tomorrow.
53
00:02:10,797 --> 00:02:11,715
Maybe you could
write a note saying
54
00:02:11,756 --> 00:02:13,174
I have testicular elephantitis?
55
00:02:13,216 --> 00:02:14,968
- Come on,
high school is important.
56
00:02:15,010 --> 00:02:17,512
Where else are you gonna
find the love of your life?
57
00:02:17,554 --> 00:02:19,931
Trust me, you do not want
to be single in college.
58
00:02:19,973 --> 00:02:21,474
- I just wish we could
keep hanging out.
59
00:02:21,516 --> 00:02:22,767
- [laughing]
Yeah.
60
00:02:22,809 --> 00:02:26,563
[ominous music]
That would be fun.
61
00:02:27,939 --> 00:02:28,940
All right, well, good night.
62
00:02:30,358 --> 00:02:32,694
Oh!
If you have a bad dream,
63
00:02:32,736 --> 00:02:34,863
just knock 100 times before
you come into our bedroom.
64
00:02:34,904 --> 00:02:36,865
[school bell rings]
65
00:02:36,906 --> 00:02:38,199
- * When I wake up
in the mornin' *
66
00:02:38,241 --> 00:02:39,868
* Alarm gives out a warnin' *
67
00:02:39,909 --> 00:02:41,953
* I don't think I'll ever
make it on time *
68
00:02:41,995 --> 00:02:43,371
[school bell rings]
69
00:02:43,413 --> 00:02:44,372
* By the time
I grab my books *
70
00:02:44,414 --> 00:02:45,707
* And I give myself a look *
71
00:02:45,749 --> 00:02:48,835
* I'm at the corner
just in time *
72
00:02:48,877 --> 00:02:51,546
* It's all right,
it's all right *
73
00:02:51,588 --> 00:02:53,506
* Saved by the bell,
it's all right *
74
00:02:53,548 --> 00:02:56,176
* It's all right,
saved by the bell *
75
00:02:56,217 --> 00:02:58,720
* It's all right *
- Why?
76
00:02:58,762 --> 00:03:02,974
- * 'Cause I'm saved
by the bell *
77
00:03:03,016 --> 00:03:04,893
[school bell rings]
78
00:03:04,934 --> 00:03:06,770
- Ugh, it's so annoying.
79
00:03:06,811 --> 00:03:09,147
On top of all of my regular
student council stuff,
80
00:03:09,189 --> 00:03:11,566
I got to keep coming up with
ways to get volunteer hours
81
00:03:11,608 --> 00:03:14,069
for this
stupid Spirit Competition.
82
00:03:14,110 --> 00:03:15,862
But luckily, inspiration struck
83
00:03:15,904 --> 00:03:18,031
in the form
of a classic Daisy hack!
84
00:03:18,073 --> 00:03:21,201
- Uh-oh, Daisy hacks are how
I started using orange slices
85
00:03:21,242 --> 00:03:23,745
as deodorant and ended up
with an armpit full of bees.
86
00:03:23,787 --> 00:03:26,956
- Anyway, since I already
have to plan the talent show,
87
00:03:26,998 --> 00:03:30,210
I figured why not make it
a charity fundraiser.
88
00:03:30,251 --> 00:03:32,504
That way it counts
as spirit hours.
89
00:03:32,545 --> 00:03:33,838
Bam!
Daisy hack!
90
00:03:33,880 --> 00:03:35,799
- I'll do the talent show.
- Oh, good.
91
00:03:35,840 --> 00:03:37,050
'Cause so far
only Mac signed up.
92
00:03:37,092 --> 00:03:39,511
- [gasps]
- DeVante, no!
93
00:03:39,552 --> 00:03:41,763
Mac wins every year.
Even you can't beat him.
94
00:03:41,805 --> 00:03:43,807
- Really?
What's his talent?
95
00:03:43,848 --> 00:03:46,768
- It's hard to explain.
It's like a magic show
96
00:03:46,810 --> 00:03:49,771
that changes the way
you think about identity,
97
00:03:49,813 --> 00:03:51,356
but it's not, like,
abracadabra magic.
98
00:03:51,398 --> 00:03:52,899
It's like jazz magic,
99
00:03:52,941 --> 00:03:56,027
where the beauty
is the magic you don't see.
100
00:03:57,028 --> 00:03:59,072
- So it's like a song?
101
00:03:59,114 --> 00:04:00,365
both: No.
- That's not it.
102
00:04:00,407 --> 00:04:02,200
- You have to see it
to understand it.
103
00:04:02,242 --> 00:04:07,455
But somehow seeing it will make
you understand it even less.
104
00:04:07,497 --> 00:04:09,541
- So it's like a dance?
- No.
105
00:04:09,582 --> 00:04:10,625
- No, it's not a dance.
- We can't have
106
00:04:10,667 --> 00:04:12,168
a one-act talent show.
107
00:04:12,210 --> 00:04:13,545
- Hey, guys.
- Hey.
108
00:04:13,586 --> 00:04:15,630
- Hey, babe.
So after school,
109
00:04:15,672 --> 00:04:16,631
do you need a ride to my house?
110
00:04:16,673 --> 00:04:17,924
- No.
No, I'm good.
111
00:04:17,966 --> 00:04:19,968
I'll see you at 6:00.
Can I bring anything?
112
00:04:20,010 --> 00:04:22,387
- Well, my stepmom does
love Mary J. Blige's
113
00:04:22,429 --> 00:04:25,223
"No More Drama" line of sage
candles and aromatherapy oils.
114
00:04:25,265 --> 00:04:26,683
- [chuckles]
I got you, boo.
115
00:04:29,561 --> 00:04:31,521
- Those candles are expensive.
116
00:04:31,563 --> 00:04:33,690
- Good for Mary J.
- You know, DeVante,
117
00:04:33,732 --> 00:04:35,191
meeting the parents
is where a lot
118
00:04:35,233 --> 00:04:38,153
of rich kid-poor kid
relationships hit the skids.
119
00:04:38,194 --> 00:04:41,406
If you want, I'm happy to do
an etiquette montage with you.
120
00:04:41,448 --> 00:04:42,991
- Nah, I'm good.
121
00:04:43,033 --> 00:04:44,868
Nadia's family
isn't "Downton Abbey,"
122
00:04:44,909 --> 00:04:46,745
they're the all-Black reboot
they're doing on Peacock,
123
00:04:46,786 --> 00:04:47,996
" DowntownAbbey."
124
00:04:48,038 --> 00:04:49,748
They may be rich,
but they still Black.
125
00:04:49,789 --> 00:04:52,000
- So you don't think you need
my help with rich people stuff?
126
00:04:52,042 --> 00:04:53,460
Pop quiz!
127
00:04:53,501 --> 00:04:56,379
What's the next highest
denomination after $100 bill?
128
00:04:56,421 --> 00:04:58,006
- $500--
- [imitates buzzer]
129
00:04:58,048 --> 00:04:59,632
There is a $101 bill
130
00:04:59,674 --> 00:05:01,259
that only rich people
know about.
131
00:05:01,301 --> 00:05:03,345
It's called the Cruella.
132
00:05:03,386 --> 00:05:06,473
[rock beat]
133
00:05:08,016 --> 00:05:09,684
- Hey, buddy.
134
00:05:09,726 --> 00:05:10,727
Would you ever
consider dropping
135
00:05:10,769 --> 00:05:11,853
out of the talent show?
136
00:05:11,895 --> 00:05:13,355
- Sure.
137
00:05:13,396 --> 00:05:14,689
Not!
138
00:05:14,731 --> 00:05:16,107
Sorry, me and my dad watched
"Wayne's World"
139
00:05:16,149 --> 00:05:17,400
this weekend.
140
00:05:17,442 --> 00:05:19,402
Not!
We watched "Borat."
141
00:05:19,444 --> 00:05:20,862
They do it in that too.
142
00:05:20,904 --> 00:05:22,614
- Come on, Mac.
No one else will sign up
143
00:05:22,655 --> 00:05:23,948
if you're on the list.
144
00:05:23,990 --> 00:05:25,325
Plus,
doesn't it take the fun out
145
00:05:25,367 --> 00:05:26,451
of it if you know
you're going to win?
146
00:05:26,493 --> 00:05:28,286
- Mm, I guess?
147
00:05:28,328 --> 00:05:30,747
It's kind of like what my boy,
Usain Bolt, said the other day,
148
00:05:30,789 --> 00:05:33,583
"Why keep running, knowing
nobody will ever catch you?"
149
00:05:34,501 --> 00:05:36,169
Okay.
Yeah, I'll drop out.
150
00:05:36,211 --> 00:05:37,379
But only for U...
- Aw.
151
00:05:37,420 --> 00:05:39,756
- Sain Bolt.
152
00:05:39,798 --> 00:05:41,049
I would never do that for you.
153
00:05:41,091 --> 00:05:43,426
- Okay.
- Yeah.
154
00:05:43,468 --> 00:05:45,303
- Okay.
As you all know,
155
00:05:45,345 --> 00:05:48,056
due to Mr. Kim's
early retirement--
156
00:05:48,098 --> 00:05:49,140
- I thought he quit.
157
00:05:49,182 --> 00:05:50,809
He said, "[bleep] us,
158
00:05:50,850 --> 00:05:53,895
[bleep] our parents,
and [bleep] Bayside forever."
159
00:05:53,937 --> 00:05:57,065
- Uh, yes,
we all got the email, Colt.
160
00:05:57,107 --> 00:06:00,110
Anyway, I'd like to introduce
your new substitute.
161
00:06:00,151 --> 00:06:02,362
He's actually something
of a Bayside legend.
162
00:06:02,404 --> 00:06:06,991
Prom king, homecoming king,
and godfather to my dog,
163
00:06:07,033 --> 00:06:10,245
may he rest in peace,
Mr. Zack Morris!
164
00:06:10,286 --> 00:06:13,790
[playful music]
165
00:06:13,832 --> 00:06:17,752
- Dad.
- Hey, that's Mr. Dad to you.
166
00:06:17,794 --> 00:06:19,629
Just kidding!
[laughs]
167
00:06:19,671 --> 00:06:22,090
Everyone call me Zack!
[laughter]
168
00:06:22,132 --> 00:06:23,925
I'll, uh--I'll be
calling you "champ" or "slick,"
169
00:06:23,967 --> 00:06:25,552
'cause I don't
want to learn names.
170
00:06:25,593 --> 00:06:27,178
- Are you okay with this?
171
00:06:27,220 --> 00:06:28,930
I don't know
if I want my mom at school.
172
00:06:28,972 --> 00:06:31,641
- Yeah, 'cause your mom isn't
the clown prince of SoCal.
173
00:06:31,683 --> 00:06:33,643
Me and my dad are gonna
run this place.
174
00:06:33,685 --> 00:06:35,186
Hey, dad, think fast!
175
00:06:36,396 --> 00:06:39,024
[together]
This is gonna be awesome!
176
00:06:40,233 --> 00:06:41,943
- Hey,
I know you said you didn't need
177
00:06:41,985 --> 00:06:44,070
a meet-the-rich-parents
montage, but...
178
00:06:44,112 --> 00:06:46,865
you definitely do,
and we're doing it now.
179
00:06:46,906 --> 00:06:49,117
- Thank you, Lexi, but
I told you, I'm not worried.
180
00:06:49,159 --> 00:06:51,953
Also, I have to leave now
if I want to make it on time.
181
00:06:51,995 --> 00:06:54,289
- What--but her house
is only 17 minutes away.
182
00:06:54,330 --> 00:06:56,708
- But my grandma's car finally
died last week,
183
00:06:56,750 --> 00:06:58,626
so now I have to take the bus.
184
00:06:58,668 --> 00:07:00,754
- Two hours?
185
00:07:00,795 --> 00:07:02,922
Ugh.
Okay, whatever, go.
186
00:07:02,964 --> 00:07:04,966
I guess I'll just do
the montage with Spencer.
187
00:07:05,008 --> 00:07:05,925
- Thank you.
188
00:07:05,967 --> 00:07:07,719
- Oh, I actually should go too.
189
00:07:07,761 --> 00:07:08,887
My great aunt's
in the hospital--
190
00:07:08,928 --> 00:07:10,388
["Rich Girl" by Hall and Oates
playing]
191
00:07:10,430 --> 00:07:11,973
- * You're a rich girl
and you've gone too far *
192
00:07:12,015 --> 00:07:14,893
* 'Cause you know
it don't matter anyway *
193
00:07:14,934 --> 00:07:17,812
* You can rely
on the old man's money *
194
00:07:17,854 --> 00:07:20,065
* You can rely
on the old man's money *
195
00:07:20,106 --> 00:07:21,524
- Bread knife.
196
00:07:22,734 --> 00:07:25,236
Trick question.
Bread is for poor people.
197
00:07:26,237 --> 00:07:27,655
- [snoring]
198
00:07:27,697 --> 00:07:29,866
- [clears throat loudly]
199
00:07:31,701 --> 00:07:34,746
- Gray geese in
the green grass grazing.
200
00:07:34,788 --> 00:07:36,456
- Better!
- Thank you.
201
00:07:36,498 --> 00:07:37,916
- [snoring]
202
00:07:38,667 --> 00:07:41,419
- * You're a rich girl
and you've gone too far *
203
00:07:41,461 --> 00:07:43,630
* 'Cause you know
it don't matter anyway *
204
00:07:45,465 --> 00:07:47,926
- Damn!
You're really late, huh?
205
00:07:51,763 --> 00:07:53,556
Looks good.
206
00:07:54,391 --> 00:07:57,018
- * Rich girl *
- * A rich girl *
207
00:07:57,060 --> 00:07:59,354
- You're finally ready to meet
your rich girlfriend's parents!
208
00:07:59,396 --> 00:08:00,730
[sighs contentedly]
209
00:08:00,772 --> 00:08:02,816
All right, I'm over this.
Wanna go to The Max?
210
00:08:02,857 --> 00:08:05,193
- Not really,
my great aunt just died.
211
00:08:05,235 --> 00:08:06,194
- Aw.
212
00:08:06,236 --> 00:08:09,197
[tense music]
213
00:08:09,239 --> 00:08:15,161
* *
214
00:08:18,081 --> 00:08:20,875
- You're an hour
and a half late, son.
215
00:08:24,462 --> 00:08:26,131
[knocking]
216
00:08:26,172 --> 00:08:28,550
- Hey, pal.
You doing your homework?
217
00:08:28,591 --> 00:08:30,343
[both laugh]
218
00:08:30,385 --> 00:08:32,887
Can you imagine?
Going to school, being like,
219
00:08:32,929 --> 00:08:34,973
[in nerdy voice]
here's my math worksheet, sir.
220
00:08:35,015 --> 00:08:36,474
Hope you like it.
- And then the teacher's like,
221
00:08:36,516 --> 00:08:39,394
[nasally voice] good job,
you got all your numbers right.
222
00:08:39,436 --> 00:08:41,062
I'll call the colleges.
223
00:08:41,104 --> 00:08:43,440
[both laugh]
224
00:08:43,481 --> 00:08:44,983
[both sigh]
225
00:08:45,025 --> 00:08:46,735
- So what are you working on?
- Our scheme for tomorrow.
226
00:08:46,776 --> 00:08:48,903
I'm making hall passes
to sell at school.
227
00:08:48,945 --> 00:08:50,739
Check it out, it might be
my best forgery yet.
228
00:08:50,780 --> 00:08:51,740
- Ooh.
- I'll sell 'em
229
00:08:51,781 --> 00:08:52,907
while you distract Toddman,
230
00:08:52,949 --> 00:08:54,242
Just ask him for tips on how
231
00:08:54,284 --> 00:08:56,036
to stretch a dollar
at Applebee's.
232
00:08:56,077 --> 00:08:57,704
- These are great.
- Mm-hmm.
233
00:08:57,746 --> 00:09:00,498
- But I can do you one better.
234
00:09:00,540 --> 00:09:03,251
Real hall passes, baby!
[laughs]
235
00:09:03,293 --> 00:09:04,919
Possibly the only perk
of being a teacher.
236
00:09:04,961 --> 00:09:06,546
- Oh, my God, these are
awesome.
237
00:09:06,588 --> 00:09:09,549
- Yeah, let's get rid of these.
238
00:09:09,591 --> 00:09:11,009
[chuckles]
239
00:09:11,801 --> 00:09:14,346
We can sell real passes
for twice as much.
240
00:09:14,387 --> 00:09:15,930
Split the profits 50/50.
241
00:09:16,973 --> 00:09:18,767
- Yeah, these are way
better than mine.
242
00:09:18,808 --> 00:09:22,312
Forget 50/50.
100/100.
243
00:09:22,354 --> 00:09:24,564
- Hey, pal, maybe you should
do that math worksheet.
244
00:09:24,606 --> 00:09:25,607
Okay.
245
00:09:25,648 --> 00:09:28,610
[moody music]
246
00:09:28,651 --> 00:09:29,861
[door closes]
247
00:09:29,903 --> 00:09:32,530
* *
248
00:09:32,572 --> 00:09:35,283
[classical music playing]
249
00:09:35,325 --> 00:09:38,495
- So DeVante, Nadia said
you're in a play at the school.
250
00:09:38,536 --> 00:09:40,372
- Yes!
Funny story,
251
00:09:40,413 --> 00:09:42,540
last year, I didn't know
if I wanted to do it and--
252
00:09:42,582 --> 00:09:46,211
and then I did it,
and now I'm doing it again.
253
00:09:47,462 --> 00:09:49,089
So.
254
00:09:49,130 --> 00:09:52,008
- Your salad.
- Damn, y'all got a Geoffrey?
255
00:09:55,595 --> 00:09:58,640
[all laugh]
256
00:09:58,682 --> 00:10:00,308
[forced laughter]
257
00:10:00,350 --> 00:10:02,811
- We call him that too.
- Do you know how hard it was
258
00:10:02,852 --> 00:10:04,813
to find a Black,
British butler in LA?
259
00:10:04,854 --> 00:10:05,980
[laughter]
260
00:10:06,022 --> 00:10:07,357
- [American accent]
I'm actually not,
261
00:10:07,399 --> 00:10:09,943
but they pay me so well,
man, I fake it.
262
00:10:09,984 --> 00:10:11,861
- Okay, well,
then you'd better be careful.
263
00:10:11,903 --> 00:10:12,987
You turn around,
there'll be a light-skinned
264
00:10:13,029 --> 00:10:14,239
Mrs. Coleman in your place.
265
00:10:14,280 --> 00:10:15,323
- That already happened.
266
00:10:15,365 --> 00:10:16,449
I'm his second wife.
267
00:10:16,491 --> 00:10:18,410
[all laugh]
268
00:10:18,451 --> 00:10:20,161
- Okay, Nadia, he's funny.
269
00:10:20,203 --> 00:10:23,164
If only he could make it
to dinner on time.
270
00:10:23,206 --> 00:10:25,166
- Again, Dr. Coleman.
I am so sorry, I--
271
00:10:25,208 --> 00:10:28,169
[all laugh]
- I'm only messing with you.
272
00:10:28,211 --> 00:10:30,922
I remember being young
and broke and taking the bus.
273
00:10:30,964 --> 00:10:32,340
- I always offer to give him
274
00:10:32,382 --> 00:10:34,175
a ride home,
but he never lets me.
275
00:10:34,217 --> 00:10:36,970
- Sir, I am not gonna let her
drop me off in my neighborhood
276
00:10:37,012 --> 00:10:38,471
and then drive
all the way home by herself.
277
00:10:38,513 --> 00:10:41,099
Nadia, you drive a rose gold
Mercedes with white tires.
278
00:10:41,141 --> 00:10:43,184
- [sighs]
Wait, Daddy,
279
00:10:43,226 --> 00:10:46,187
why don't we just
give DeVante the Volvo?
280
00:10:46,229 --> 00:10:47,981
- Wait, give who the what?
I--I don't really need--
281
00:10:48,023 --> 00:10:51,526
- That's a great idea.
You can drive it home tonight.
282
00:10:51,568 --> 00:10:52,861
- [British accent]
Is there a vanity plate
283
00:10:52,902 --> 00:10:54,070
I might fetch
for you, sir?
284
00:10:59,451 --> 00:11:01,202
- The whole thing's kind
of weird, right?
285
00:11:01,244 --> 00:11:03,079
- No!
You had a problem, no car,
286
00:11:03,121 --> 00:11:04,873
and they solved it with a car.
287
00:11:04,914 --> 00:11:07,250
- Yeah, but I didn't ask them
to solve it.
288
00:11:07,292 --> 00:11:09,252
I don't know, it just
kind of makes me feel like--
289
00:11:09,294 --> 00:11:11,129
like a charity case
or something.
290
00:11:11,171 --> 00:11:12,589
Come on.
Daisy, you're telling me
291
00:11:12,630 --> 00:11:14,257
this whole thing wouldn't
make you feel weird?
292
00:11:14,299 --> 00:11:16,259
- [sighs]
Yeah, I mean, on one hand,
293
00:11:16,301 --> 00:11:18,553
accepting a gift you didn't
ask for could lead
294
00:11:18,595 --> 00:11:20,347
to a strange power dynamic
in your relationship.
295
00:11:20,388 --> 00:11:22,724
- Exactly.
- But on the other hand,
296
00:11:22,766 --> 00:11:25,435
this seat warmer's creating a
powerful dynamic on my cheeks.
297
00:11:25,477 --> 00:11:28,021
- I don't care, okay,
I'm giving the car back.
298
00:11:28,063 --> 00:11:30,190
- No, DeVante, please!
- You cannot do that to us.
299
00:11:30,231 --> 00:11:32,108
- I--I have to.
- I can't go back to the bus!
300
00:11:32,150 --> 00:11:34,319
- We can't go back to the bus.
Come on!
301
00:11:34,361 --> 00:11:35,987
- Guys, please!
302
00:11:37,072 --> 00:11:38,948
- Fine!
- Whatever, bro.
303
00:11:38,990 --> 00:11:40,950
- Thank you.
304
00:11:40,992 --> 00:11:42,243
Hey, careful,
you're gonna spill!
305
00:11:42,285 --> 00:11:44,662
- Victory in the talent show
is mine!
306
00:11:44,704 --> 00:11:46,581
- [gasps, squeals]
307
00:11:46,623 --> 00:11:47,540
- Oh.
308
00:11:50,377 --> 00:11:51,878
- Are you okay?
309
00:11:51,920 --> 00:11:53,463
- Aunt Greta?
310
00:11:53,505 --> 00:11:55,799
You look so beautiful.
311
00:11:55,840 --> 00:12:00,428
[quirky music]
312
00:12:00,470 --> 00:12:03,098
- Whoa, you're selling real
hall passes, Mr. Morris?
313
00:12:03,139 --> 00:12:04,599
You're the coolest teacher
we've ever had.
314
00:12:04,641 --> 00:12:06,267
And Mr. Dewey has a tattoo
on the inside
315
00:12:06,309 --> 00:12:07,394
of his lip that says "slut."
316
00:12:07,435 --> 00:12:09,187
- Well,
I can't take all the credit.
317
00:12:09,229 --> 00:12:10,605
It was actually Mac's idea.
318
00:12:10,647 --> 00:12:12,023
- But these are so much better
319
00:12:12,065 --> 00:12:14,401
than the crappy hall passes
Mac usually sells.
320
00:12:14,442 --> 00:12:18,154
- [laughing]
Yeah, totally.
321
00:12:18,196 --> 00:12:20,156
- Hey, pal, looks like
we're running low on change.
322
00:12:20,198 --> 00:12:21,658
Mind grabbing some
at the cafeteria?
323
00:12:21,700 --> 00:12:23,451
- Yep.
324
00:12:26,579 --> 00:12:27,872
- Everything okay, Mac?
325
00:12:27,914 --> 00:12:29,499
- Yep.
Just having fun with my dad.
326
00:12:29,541 --> 00:12:32,335
- Look. We've been friends
with your dad for 30 years,
327
00:12:32,377 --> 00:12:33,837
and we love him.
328
00:12:33,878 --> 00:12:36,214
- We do,
but sometimes he has a way
329
00:12:36,256 --> 00:12:38,341
of taking up all the oxygen
in the room.
330
00:12:38,383 --> 00:12:40,301
- Like when he wore
a white dress to my wedding.
331
00:12:40,343 --> 00:12:42,345
I mean,
yes, his vows were hilarious,
332
00:12:42,387 --> 00:12:44,264
but sometimes he can be a lot.
333
00:12:44,305 --> 00:12:47,767
- And as much as you love
your dad, school's your place.
334
00:12:47,809 --> 00:12:49,227
So it's okay
if you feel the need
335
00:12:49,269 --> 00:12:52,105
to put up some healthy
boundaries between you and him.
336
00:12:52,147 --> 00:12:53,314
- I don't need boundaries.
337
00:12:53,356 --> 00:12:54,482
This is what
I've always wanted.
338
00:12:54,524 --> 00:12:55,859
- Do the worm!
339
00:12:55,900 --> 00:12:59,279
[all chanting]
Do the worm, do the worm!
340
00:12:59,320 --> 00:13:01,906
- I think I'm gonna go now.
341
00:13:02,782 --> 00:13:04,868
- Healthy boundaries, huh?
342
00:13:04,909 --> 00:13:06,494
You been going to therapy
or something?
343
00:13:06,536 --> 00:13:09,414
- Pfft, no.
Boundaries are a sports thing.
344
00:13:09,456 --> 00:13:12,000
- Hmm.
- Therapy stole it from sports.
345
00:13:13,918 --> 00:13:16,796
- Welcome to The Max.
Your menus...
346
00:13:16,838 --> 00:13:18,006
coming right up.
347
00:13:18,048 --> 00:13:20,216
- [gasps]
- You got a job at The Max?
348
00:13:20,258 --> 00:13:21,634
- I needed money fast
and they were hiring.
349
00:13:21,676 --> 00:13:24,137
It's gonna cost me $500
to fix the car.
350
00:13:24,179 --> 00:13:25,597
- D, why didn't you tell me?
351
00:13:25,638 --> 00:13:28,183
I know a great
money-making scheme.
352
00:13:28,224 --> 00:13:29,559
Step one,
flood the Hollywood Bowl--
353
00:13:29,601 --> 00:13:31,436
- Why don't you just
tell Nadia what happened?
354
00:13:31,478 --> 00:13:34,064
- Because her parents already
think I'm a charity case.
355
00:13:34,105 --> 00:13:36,066
I just need to fix this
and give the car back,
356
00:13:36,107 --> 00:13:37,692
then they won't
ever have to find out.
357
00:13:40,570 --> 00:13:42,072
- That's my jacket!
- It's all right.
358
00:13:42,113 --> 00:13:43,323
Don't worry about it.
- Hey.
359
00:13:43,365 --> 00:13:44,741
- Hey.
360
00:13:44,783 --> 00:13:46,409
- Can you give me a ride home
after the talent show?
361
00:13:46,451 --> 00:13:49,037
- Definitely!
I would love to take you home
362
00:13:49,079 --> 00:13:50,872
in a car which is
in the same exact condition
363
00:13:50,914 --> 00:13:52,248
as it was yesterday.
364
00:13:52,290 --> 00:13:55,460
- Thanks, babe.
Also, sheesh!
365
00:13:55,502 --> 00:13:57,504
I'm loving this fur moment
for you.
366
00:13:57,545 --> 00:13:58,838
- Thank you, honey!
- Bye, girl.
367
00:13:58,880 --> 00:14:00,924
- All right.
I'll see you, boo.
368
00:14:00,965 --> 00:14:02,759
- Please, take that off.
369
00:14:02,801 --> 00:14:06,763
- So you see what Scooter Braun
was doing to Taylor swift
370
00:14:06,805 --> 00:14:09,599
was basically what the British
government was doing
371
00:14:09,641 --> 00:14:11,559
to the colonists
with the Townshend Acts.
372
00:14:11,601 --> 00:14:13,770
And when Taylor
took her power back
373
00:14:13,812 --> 00:14:16,940
and rerecorded her masters,
374
00:14:16,981 --> 00:14:19,609
that's what we call
a revolution.
375
00:14:19,651 --> 00:14:21,778
[all murmuring]
376
00:14:21,820 --> 00:14:24,280
- I just got chills.
- Hm.
377
00:14:24,322 --> 00:14:27,117
- Okay.
Well, I taught you everything
378
00:14:27,158 --> 00:14:29,536
on the syllabus
for this semester so, uh,
379
00:14:29,577 --> 00:14:32,330
what do you say for the last
15 minutes we just rap, huh?
380
00:14:32,372 --> 00:14:33,915
Anybody got any questions
about anything?
381
00:14:33,957 --> 00:14:36,042
Yeah.
- Are you seeing anyone?
382
00:14:36,084 --> 00:14:37,752
- Yeah, my mom.
383
00:14:37,794 --> 00:14:39,087
- Is it serious?
384
00:14:39,129 --> 00:14:41,006
- They're married!
- [sighs]
385
00:14:41,047 --> 00:14:42,215
- Ooh!
- Yeah.
386
00:14:42,257 --> 00:14:43,717
- You used to be the king
of Bayside--
387
00:14:43,758 --> 00:14:45,176
well, I guess you still are.
388
00:14:45,218 --> 00:14:46,511
- [clears throat loudly]
389
00:14:46,553 --> 00:14:48,638
- The school spirit contest
is coming up.
390
00:14:48,680 --> 00:14:49,764
How do we beat Valley?
391
00:14:49,806 --> 00:14:51,307
- [scoffs]
Beat Valley.
392
00:14:51,349 --> 00:14:52,934
[laughing]
Oh, God.
393
00:14:52,976 --> 00:14:55,478
All right, I'ma let you in
on a little secret here, Slick.
394
00:14:55,520 --> 00:14:58,314
The Spirit Competition
is stupid.
395
00:14:58,356 --> 00:15:00,567
- Thank you!
Exactly.
396
00:15:00,608 --> 00:15:02,861
- I don't even remember doing
it when I was in high school.
397
00:15:02,902 --> 00:15:04,738
When you leave this place,
398
00:15:04,779 --> 00:15:07,907
you're not gonna remember
petty rivalries
399
00:15:07,949 --> 00:15:09,784
or even what you learned
in biology,
400
00:15:09,826 --> 00:15:11,453
like, who is the hemo-goblin,
401
00:15:11,494 --> 00:15:12,996
and why does he want
your blood?
402
00:15:13,038 --> 00:15:14,372
No, what you're gonna remember
403
00:15:14,414 --> 00:15:16,833
are the friendships
you've made.
404
00:15:16,875 --> 00:15:19,669
[students murmuring]
405
00:15:19,711 --> 00:15:21,046
- I have a question.
406
00:15:21,087 --> 00:15:22,797
Are you feeling okay?
[PA tone sounds]
407
00:15:22,839 --> 00:15:24,716
- Mr. Morris,
please come to the office.
408
00:15:24,758 --> 00:15:27,510
Your diarrhea medicine
is here.
409
00:15:27,552 --> 00:15:30,138
- I believe that's for you,
Mr. Morris.
410
00:15:30,180 --> 00:15:32,182
[students "Oh!"]
411
00:15:32,223 --> 00:15:34,059
- You're the man!
412
00:15:34,100 --> 00:15:35,310
- Did you forget you
and your dad
413
00:15:35,352 --> 00:15:36,853
have the same last name?
414
00:15:36,895 --> 00:15:38,688
- Yes, Daisy, I did!
415
00:15:40,357 --> 00:15:43,526
[playful music]
416
00:15:43,568 --> 00:15:49,157
* *
417
00:15:50,742 --> 00:15:52,952
- Hey, man.
418
00:15:52,994 --> 00:15:55,538
I'm Gil.
We've met.
419
00:15:55,580 --> 00:15:57,290
Daisy's Gil.
420
00:15:57,332 --> 00:15:59,542
- Wait, Daisy's Gill,
like Ruth's Chris?
421
00:15:59,584 --> 00:16:01,461
- No, I did--
422
00:16:01,503 --> 00:16:04,214
anyway, I just wanted
to say thanks for bowing out
423
00:16:04,255 --> 00:16:06,216
and giving someone else
a chance to win.
424
00:16:06,257 --> 00:16:08,218
It was cool of you.
425
00:16:09,844 --> 00:16:12,555
- Wait, I would win.
426
00:16:12,597 --> 00:16:14,724
I would be the best.
I would be Daddy!
427
00:16:14,766 --> 00:16:16,726
Hey, Daisy,
your Gil convinced me.
428
00:16:16,768 --> 00:16:17,977
I'm gonna compete
in the talent show.
429
00:16:18,019 --> 00:16:20,105
Thanks, bud.
- What? Gil!
430
00:16:21,481 --> 00:16:22,691
- Then me and Eunice are out!
431
00:16:22,732 --> 00:16:24,943
- [stammering]
- Sorry, us too, Daisy.
432
00:16:24,984 --> 00:16:26,611
We can't compete with him.
433
00:16:30,657 --> 00:16:32,617
- I'm so sorry.
I didn't mean to.
434
00:16:32,659 --> 00:16:34,327
- Gil, the show's gonna
be three minutes long.
435
00:16:34,369 --> 00:16:36,246
That's not a talent show.
That's 12 TikToks.
436
00:16:36,287 --> 00:16:37,622
- Maybe it'll feel longer.
437
00:16:37,664 --> 00:16:39,582
You know, Lexi said
his act bends space and time.
438
00:16:39,624 --> 00:16:41,376
- But we won't
get any spirit hours.
439
00:16:41,418 --> 00:16:43,753
Didn't you read
the 900-page spirit manual?
440
00:16:43,795 --> 00:16:46,548
A charity talent show is
defined as two or more acts.
441
00:16:46,589 --> 00:16:48,341
Any less than that
is a one-man show,
442
00:16:48,383 --> 00:16:50,260
which is a disservice
to society
443
00:16:50,301 --> 00:16:52,303
and equal
to negative spirit hours!
444
00:16:52,345 --> 00:16:55,265
- Oh, God,
what are we gonna do?
445
00:16:55,306 --> 00:16:56,808
- Gah, come on!
446
00:16:58,309 --> 00:17:01,271
- Hey, everybody.
Welcome to the 64th annual
447
00:17:01,312 --> 00:17:03,398
Bayside Talent Show!
448
00:17:03,440 --> 00:17:05,734
[cheers and applause]
[laughs]
449
00:17:05,775 --> 00:17:10,947
Our first act is going
to be Mac Morris performing
450
00:17:10,989 --> 00:17:16,077
"Inherent Wonder 3; Arise."
451
00:17:16,119 --> 00:17:18,455
- Yeah, Mac!
[cheers and applause]
452
00:17:18,496 --> 00:17:20,415
[mystical music playing]
453
00:17:20,457 --> 00:17:21,708
- All of our acts dropped out.
454
00:17:21,750 --> 00:17:23,418
Would any of you guys
be willing to perform?
455
00:17:23,460 --> 00:17:26,296
- Unfortunately, the Birchwood
Boys broke up last year.
456
00:17:26,338 --> 00:17:27,464
Then they started a new band
457
00:17:27,505 --> 00:17:29,132
called the Birchwood Boys
without me.
458
00:17:29,174 --> 00:17:30,467
- Coach,
can't you do one of your dances
459
00:17:30,508 --> 00:17:31,760
you make us watch you do
in gym?
460
00:17:31,801 --> 00:17:34,220
- You make them watch you dance
in gym?
461
00:17:34,262 --> 00:17:36,389
- [scoffs]
I'd let them dance, too,
462
00:17:36,431 --> 00:17:38,183
if they didn't keep
messing up the moves.
463
00:17:38,224 --> 00:17:40,894
But no,
I am not following that.
464
00:17:40,935 --> 00:17:45,482
* *
465
00:17:45,523 --> 00:17:48,401
- Okay.
Listen, this was my fault.
466
00:17:48,443 --> 00:17:52,739
If we really can't find anyone,
then I can perform.
467
00:17:53,531 --> 00:17:55,909
I don't have any talent,
but I guess I could...
468
00:17:55,950 --> 00:17:57,535
recite Pi.
469
00:17:58,244 --> 00:17:59,913
- But what about
your crippling stage fright?
470
00:17:59,954 --> 00:18:01,998
You said you pooped your pants
at the holiday recital
471
00:18:02,040 --> 00:18:03,333
in kindergarten.
472
00:18:03,375 --> 00:18:05,293
- It's a risk I'm willing
to take.
473
00:18:05,335 --> 00:18:07,504
- Listen, if things
are really this bleak,
474
00:18:07,545 --> 00:18:10,090
I can pull something together.
475
00:18:10,131 --> 00:18:11,508
[music ends]
476
00:18:11,549 --> 00:18:14,636
[cheers and applause]
477
00:18:16,179 --> 00:18:18,223
- I have never felt
more connected
478
00:18:18,264 --> 00:18:20,392
to my great-grandparents.
479
00:18:21,768 --> 00:18:23,228
- Thanks.
480
00:18:24,479 --> 00:18:26,022
- Cool! Let's go, Zack!
481
00:18:26,064 --> 00:18:27,899
[cheers and applause]
482
00:18:29,067 --> 00:18:30,819
[applause ends]
483
00:18:33,029 --> 00:18:35,323
[cheers and applause]
484
00:18:35,365 --> 00:18:36,783
- You're the man! Yes!
485
00:18:36,825 --> 00:18:38,410
- Oh!
486
00:18:40,495 --> 00:18:42,372
- I can't believe you almost
soiled yourself
487
00:18:42,414 --> 00:18:43,790
for the talent show.
488
00:18:43,832 --> 00:18:47,252
- No,
I almost soiled myself for you.
489
00:18:48,378 --> 00:18:51,297
[uplifting music]
490
00:18:51,339 --> 00:18:53,883
* *
491
00:18:53,925 --> 00:18:56,761
- This means war.
492
00:18:59,889 --> 00:19:02,851
- See?
Wasn't sitting in the backseat
493
00:19:02,892 --> 00:19:05,228
and having me drive you
like a chauffeur sexy?
494
00:19:05,270 --> 00:19:07,147
- No.
What's going on, D?
495
00:19:07,188 --> 00:19:09,524
You've been acting so weird.
496
00:19:09,566 --> 00:19:10,734
- No, I haven't.
[laughs nervously]
497
00:19:10,775 --> 00:19:13,069
Why don't you just get out
on this side?
498
00:19:13,111 --> 00:19:14,654
- Why can't I go this way?
499
00:19:14,696 --> 00:19:17,532
- 'Cause I want to see you
crawl across the back seat
500
00:19:17,574 --> 00:19:18,908
like a jungle cat?
501
00:19:18,950 --> 00:19:20,035
Mreow!
502
00:19:20,076 --> 00:19:22,287
- What is going on?
503
00:19:22,328 --> 00:19:24,289
- Okay.
504
00:19:28,543 --> 00:19:30,211
The car is dented, okay?
505
00:19:30,253 --> 00:19:31,629
Look.
506
00:19:34,132 --> 00:19:37,093
It's gonna cost $500 to fix it,
but I got a job at The Max
507
00:19:37,135 --> 00:19:38,845
and I'm gonna pay for it.
508
00:19:38,887 --> 00:19:40,764
And then I'm going
to give you the car back.
509
00:19:40,805 --> 00:19:43,850
- [laughs]
Babe, $500 is nothing.
510
00:19:43,892 --> 00:19:45,769
It's no big deal.
511
00:19:45,810 --> 00:19:47,062
- What do you mean,
it's no big deal?
512
00:19:47,103 --> 00:19:49,397
- One time I accidentally
blew up my dad's boat
513
00:19:49,439 --> 00:19:50,648
doing a gender reveal
514
00:19:50,690 --> 00:19:52,442
for one of my
Animal Crossing villagers.
515
00:19:52,484 --> 00:19:53,943
That was a big deal.
516
00:19:53,985 --> 00:19:56,112
This I could just
put on my card or whatever.
517
00:19:56,154 --> 00:20:01,076
- So I spend all day stressing,
518
00:20:01,117 --> 00:20:04,037
working my butt off
to try to scrape up $500,
519
00:20:04,079 --> 00:20:06,915
and you could just put it
on your card or whatever?
520
00:20:06,956 --> 00:20:09,125
- I'm trying to help.
Why are you mad?
521
00:20:09,167 --> 00:20:11,753
- I'm not mad.
I'm just--
522
00:20:11,795 --> 00:20:14,381
I hate how everything
is so easy for you.
523
00:20:15,507 --> 00:20:17,300
Must be really nice
not having any problems.
524
00:20:17,342 --> 00:20:19,511
- 'Scuse me?
525
00:20:19,552 --> 00:20:21,471
You have no idea
what you're talking about.
526
00:20:21,513 --> 00:20:25,225
- You keep the car.
I'm gonna go.
527
00:20:25,850 --> 00:20:28,144
In 2 1/2 hours
when the bus gets here.
528
00:20:28,186 --> 00:20:29,854
God damn!
529
00:20:34,734 --> 00:20:38,113
- And then he said
he'd poop his pants for me.
530
00:20:38,154 --> 00:20:40,448
And then we kissed.
531
00:20:40,490 --> 00:20:41,991
- Wow.
532
00:20:42,033 --> 00:20:44,452
I can't believe you had
to tell such a romantic story
533
00:20:44,494 --> 00:20:46,705
in such an unromantic setting.
534
00:20:46,746 --> 00:20:51,167
Instead of the luxurious
backseat of a Volvo.
535
00:20:51,209 --> 00:20:53,753
- Y'all, I had to give
the car back, okay?
536
00:20:53,795 --> 00:20:56,464
It basically ruined
my relationship with Nadia.
537
00:20:56,506 --> 00:20:58,133
- What happened?
- I told her I was worried
538
00:20:58,174 --> 00:21:00,218
about $500 and she laughed.
539
00:21:00,260 --> 00:21:01,886
Then we got into a big fight.
540
00:21:01,928 --> 00:21:04,097
- Well,
she still is a Bayside kid.
541
00:21:04,139 --> 00:21:06,224
I once saw Mac spit
a fatty piece of steak
542
00:21:06,266 --> 00:21:07,517
into a $100 bill.
543
00:21:07,559 --> 00:21:08,768
- I was there.
- They just don't have
544
00:21:08,810 --> 00:21:10,812
to think about money
the same way we do.
545
00:21:10,854 --> 00:21:12,647
And it sucks
that Nadia didn't realize that.
546
00:21:12,689 --> 00:21:15,608
- And $500 is a ton of money.
547
00:21:15,650 --> 00:21:17,736
For a lot of people,
a $500 emergency would
548
00:21:17,777 --> 00:21:19,571
blow up their life.
549
00:21:19,612 --> 00:21:21,781
- When I broke my arm,
I was so worried about
550
00:21:21,823 --> 00:21:23,450
how much it would cost
that I didn't tell my parents
551
00:21:23,491 --> 00:21:25,035
for a week.
552
00:21:25,076 --> 00:21:26,411
What happened to you?
553
00:21:26,453 --> 00:21:28,204
- My girlfriend gave me
a Volvo.
554
00:21:28,246 --> 00:21:30,623
- What?
- Uh, my--my--
555
00:21:30,665 --> 00:21:33,251
my girlfriend gave me a Volvo.
556
00:21:33,293 --> 00:21:35,795
- [laughing]
557
00:21:35,837 --> 00:21:37,547
- This dude's crying
because his fine, rich girl
558
00:21:37,589 --> 00:21:38,798
gave him a free car.
559
00:21:38,840 --> 00:21:41,134
all: Boo!
560
00:21:41,176 --> 00:21:44,471
- Uh, okay now!
Come on, it's not like that.
561
00:21:44,512 --> 00:21:46,097
DeVante felt
like a charity case.
562
00:21:46,139 --> 00:21:47,557
- Thank you, Daisy.
563
00:21:47,599 --> 00:21:49,476
Look, guys,
it's not easy dating someone
564
00:21:49,517 --> 00:21:50,769
who doesn't
have any real problems.
565
00:21:50,810 --> 00:21:52,937
- Okay, hold up now.
- [scoffs]
566
00:21:52,979 --> 00:21:55,440
- Right, because rich
Black women are notoriously
567
00:21:55,482 --> 00:21:57,317
unaffected
by racism and misogyny.
568
00:21:57,359 --> 00:21:58,651
- No, of course they are.
That is--
569
00:21:58,693 --> 00:22:00,695
- Meghan Markle wasn't
bullied out of England?
570
00:22:00,737 --> 00:22:02,781
- Serena Williams isn't held
to a higher standard
571
00:22:02,822 --> 00:22:03,865
than her white counterparts?
572
00:22:03,907 --> 00:22:05,325
- Simone Biles.
- Michelle Obama.
573
00:22:05,367 --> 00:22:06,534
both: Janet Jackson.
574
00:22:06,576 --> 00:22:08,703
- Okay.
I see you guys are correct.
575
00:22:08,745 --> 00:22:10,705
As my grandmother would say,
I forgot myself.
576
00:22:10,747 --> 00:22:12,457
I am sorry.
There's no need
577
00:22:12,499 --> 00:22:14,167
for any more
additional examples.
578
00:22:15,001 --> 00:22:17,295
- Lisa Turtle didn't have
all her shoe designs stolen
579
00:22:17,337 --> 00:22:19,005
by Ivanka Trump.
580
00:22:19,047 --> 00:22:20,340
both: Yes!
581
00:22:20,382 --> 00:22:22,717
- Okay, Mrs. Zoracki,
582
00:22:22,759 --> 00:22:23,968
all you have to do
is tell my dad
583
00:22:24,010 --> 00:22:25,637
that you're the new
U.S. government teacher.
584
00:22:25,679 --> 00:22:28,139
He'll say,
"Toddman didn't tell me that,"
585
00:22:28,181 --> 00:22:30,642
but I'll already have
left a voicemail on his phone
586
00:22:30,684 --> 00:22:32,560
telling him
that he's being replaced,
587
00:22:32,602 --> 00:22:37,399
using this Toddman
voice changer app.
588
00:22:38,024 --> 00:22:41,361
- Oh, well,
that makes perfect sense.
589
00:22:41,403 --> 00:22:43,154
Boy, you must really hate
your dad.
590
00:22:43,196 --> 00:22:45,573
- Wow.
You'd think someone that did
591
00:22:45,615 --> 00:22:47,867
a three-episode arc
on "This Is Us"
592
00:22:47,909 --> 00:22:49,994
would have
more emotional intelligence.
593
00:22:50,036 --> 00:22:51,287
Of course I don't hate my dad.
594
00:22:51,329 --> 00:22:53,081
- Then why are you trying
to get rid of him?
595
00:22:54,249 --> 00:22:57,127
- Look, my entire life
596
00:22:57,168 --> 00:22:59,546
I've wanted to spend more time
with my father.
597
00:22:59,587 --> 00:23:02,465
But now that he's here
in my space,
598
00:23:02,507 --> 00:23:04,676
it makes me feel bad
about myself.
599
00:23:05,927 --> 00:23:09,431
He's better than me
at everything.
600
00:23:09,472 --> 00:23:12,017
So as long as he's at Bayside,
601
00:23:12,058 --> 00:23:13,977
I'll always be stuck
in his shadow.
602
00:23:16,062 --> 00:23:20,108
- Well, that sounds like
a good reason to me, pal.
603
00:23:20,150 --> 00:23:21,568
Let's do it.
604
00:23:21,609 --> 00:23:23,319
- Thanks, Mrs. Zoracki.
605
00:23:24,946 --> 00:23:28,074
[melancholic music]
606
00:23:28,116 --> 00:23:34,247
* *
607
00:23:34,998 --> 00:23:37,709
- Let me guess.
You dressed up like an old lady
608
00:23:37,751 --> 00:23:39,044
to prank your son.
609
00:23:40,045 --> 00:23:41,963
- But he pranked my heart
instead.
610
00:23:43,340 --> 00:23:46,384
- Have you ever thought
about just talking to him?
611
00:23:46,426 --> 00:23:47,761
- Huh?
612
00:23:47,802 --> 00:23:49,888
- You're right.
Your way is better.
613
00:23:58,563 --> 00:24:00,857
- Hey.
- Hey.
614
00:24:02,650 --> 00:24:04,235
I'm so sorry.
I should not have
615
00:24:04,277 --> 00:24:05,487
said you don't
have any problems--
616
00:24:05,528 --> 00:24:08,281
- Yeah, that wasn't cool.
617
00:24:08,323 --> 00:24:10,283
But I get why you said it.
618
00:24:12,535 --> 00:24:13,703
Do you know how happy I was
619
00:24:13,745 --> 00:24:15,872
when the Douglas kids got
to Bayside?
620
00:24:15,914 --> 00:24:18,667
Before y'all, there were,
like, five Black kids.
621
00:24:18,708 --> 00:24:22,045
But now I finally have friends
who know why I need a warning
622
00:24:22,087 --> 00:24:24,255
before they decide to shoplift
from Brandy Melville.
623
00:24:24,297 --> 00:24:25,840
- Oh, yeah.
"The Purge" is based on
624
00:24:25,882 --> 00:24:27,050
how white girls act
at the mall.
625
00:24:27,092 --> 00:24:28,468
- Yeah.
626
00:24:28,510 --> 00:24:31,513
But then I ended up doing
the same thing to you.
627
00:24:31,554 --> 00:24:33,598
I have privilege
and I can't ignore that.
628
00:24:33,640 --> 00:24:34,933
Like,
I shouldn't have asked you
629
00:24:34,974 --> 00:24:37,060
to buy my stepmom
an $85 candle.
630
00:24:37,102 --> 00:24:38,478
- I would've
gotten the sage too,
631
00:24:38,520 --> 00:24:41,106
but the only scent they had
left was "Prison Song."
632
00:24:41,147 --> 00:24:42,524
- This is going
to be more complicated
633
00:24:42,565 --> 00:24:43,608
than we thought, huh?
634
00:24:43,650 --> 00:24:45,735
- Yeah, it is.
635
00:24:45,777 --> 00:24:47,320
But I like you.
636
00:24:49,489 --> 00:24:51,950
- I like you too.
- [chuckles]
637
00:24:51,991 --> 00:24:56,079
So maybe we should just
talk about this stuff.
638
00:24:56,121 --> 00:24:58,039
And next time you want
to give me a car,
639
00:24:58,081 --> 00:24:59,457
maybe you should ask me first.
640
00:24:59,499 --> 00:25:01,251
- Okay.
- Okay.
641
00:25:01,292 --> 00:25:03,628
- Do you want a car?
- I do, yeah.
642
00:25:03,670 --> 00:25:04,796
But I want to keep working
at The Max
643
00:25:04,838 --> 00:25:06,881
until I can get my own car.
644
00:25:07,757 --> 00:25:11,261
So maybe I can just
borrow yours until I can.
645
00:25:11,302 --> 00:25:13,388
- We can make that work.
- Cool.
646
00:25:14,431 --> 00:25:17,017
- Wow.
- I know.
647
00:25:20,770 --> 00:25:22,689
- Hey, pal.
648
00:25:22,731 --> 00:25:23,815
I don't know if you heard,
but I'm not gonna
649
00:25:23,857 --> 00:25:25,025
be your government teacher
anymore.
650
00:25:25,066 --> 00:25:26,901
- Oh, no, you're kidding.
651
00:25:26,943 --> 00:25:28,695
- Yeah.
It's probably for the best.
652
00:25:28,737 --> 00:25:32,240
You know, I've been feeling
aimless since the election,
653
00:25:32,282 --> 00:25:33,450
and I just wanted to be
in a place
654
00:25:33,491 --> 00:25:34,909
where I felt like a winner.
655
00:25:34,951 --> 00:25:36,828
But Bayside is yours now.
656
00:25:36,870 --> 00:25:37,871
I don't want
to cramp your style.
657
00:25:37,912 --> 00:25:39,622
- It's okay.
658
00:25:39,664 --> 00:25:41,666
Hey, green screen
moon party tonight?
659
00:25:41,708 --> 00:25:43,043
- [laughing]
Of course.
660
00:25:43,084 --> 00:25:44,711
- Okay.
661
00:25:48,214 --> 00:25:51,009
- Mac, your plan worked.
Your dad is gone.
662
00:25:51,051 --> 00:25:53,303
- Daisy, you fool.
I didn't win.
663
00:25:53,345 --> 00:25:55,430
He was one step ahead
of me the whole time.
664
00:25:55,472 --> 00:25:58,475
He was Mrs. Zoracki,
and he let me win.
665
00:25:58,516 --> 00:26:00,018
I mean, it's so obvious.
666
00:26:00,060 --> 00:26:03,730
Mrs. Zoracki is an anagram
for Zack Morris.
667
00:26:03,772 --> 00:26:05,690
What was the first thing
I taught you?
668
00:26:06,441 --> 00:26:08,860
- When you meet someone new,
always rearrange the letters
669
00:26:08,902 --> 00:26:10,028
in their name
to make sure it doesn't
670
00:26:10,070 --> 00:26:11,196
reveal their true identity.
671
00:26:11,237 --> 00:26:12,947
- Mm-hmm.
- But isn't it nice
672
00:26:12,989 --> 00:26:14,699
that he cared about you enough
to let you win?
673
00:26:14,741 --> 00:26:16,826
- Yes, he's an amazing father.
674
00:26:16,868 --> 00:26:18,370
He's amazing at everything.
675
00:26:18,411 --> 00:26:21,331
There's literally nothing
my dad has not done.
676
00:26:21,373 --> 00:26:23,124
And I thought that maybe
if I got rid of him,
677
00:26:23,166 --> 00:26:25,877
I would stop feeling
like I'm living in his shadow.
678
00:26:25,919 --> 00:26:27,545
But it doesn't matter
if he's here or not.
679
00:26:27,587 --> 00:26:28,713
I can't beat him.
680
00:26:28,755 --> 00:26:30,507
I will always be
in second place.
681
00:26:30,548 --> 00:26:32,050
- Maybe you just need
to do something
682
00:26:32,092 --> 00:26:33,385
completely different than him.
683
00:26:33,426 --> 00:26:35,762
- Like how Tom Hanks
is America's nice dad,
684
00:26:35,804 --> 00:26:38,139
so Chet Hanks decided
to be Chet Hanks?
685
00:26:38,181 --> 00:26:39,307
- Mm.
686
00:26:40,892 --> 00:26:43,103
- Wait, what's that?
687
00:26:43,144 --> 00:26:46,272
[mischievous music]
688
00:26:46,314 --> 00:26:52,237
* *
689
00:26:54,072 --> 00:26:56,241
- Why did they frame that?
690
00:26:56,282 --> 00:26:58,451
- Wait, my dad lost
the Spirit Competition.
691
00:26:58,493 --> 00:27:01,579
No wonder he was pretending
like he didn't care about it.
692
00:27:01,621 --> 00:27:05,417
If I can win that, I'll be
out of his shadow forever.
693
00:27:05,458 --> 00:27:07,877
- Teacher of the year?
694
00:27:07,919 --> 00:27:10,088
When am I gonna learn
to stop racing off
695
00:27:10,130 --> 00:27:12,424
to the framing store
every time I get excited?
696
00:27:12,465 --> 00:27:16,511
Spring for the double thick
polarized glass, they say.
697
00:27:16,553 --> 00:27:19,597
We can rush it for
an additional fee, they say...
698
00:27:19,639 --> 00:27:22,600
[beachy rock music]
699
00:27:22,642 --> 00:27:28,565
* *
51066
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