Original subtitles

6:20 give me that jam up on him

come on in

this is so dumb

have a seat okay

ah

do you know why I brought you in here

uh yeah

stupid battery that's why they came in here so you

you admit right off the bat that you saw something

well yeah

like they

everybody's making a big deal about a stupid battery

this might not even be the right battery that I need

so why wouldn't you pay for it

because this it's it's like this company is rich

they make so much freaking money

they can afford to lose a battery

they don't need the money

so someone came into your house

and took something from you

you could justify

because you have a little bit more money than they do

what no

like that doesn't make any sense

nobody's gonna come into my house

and take something from me

happens every day all over the country okay

people take shit that don't belong to them

and then I'll just call my insurance company

what if somebody takes my TV

okay I have insurance what

come on this is this company makes millions of dollars

they probably lose plenty

by people like you stealing from them

what they're what

they're losing pennies pennies

maybe 25 cents that's their money not yours

how are you the one to decide how much money they can

revenue or not

is that your company no

it's not my company and you're stealing out of my store

it's not your store you just work here

I'm employed to cover the store

they pay you enough to care this much they do

okay you don't see me going around stealing do you

come on anyway this isn't about me

it's about you

so now that I've already got the evidence

why don't you give me your information and uh

then go from there

why would I give you my information

cause you caught stealing in my store

it's either we go through this process

or I call the cops

what

oh come on wow

wow wow wow wow wow

you're gonna call the cops because I stole the battery

I am we have a zero zero tolerance policy

now it's either you co cooperate with me

or I call the police I'll call the cops

don't call the cops on me

come on do you wanna go to jail

alright could you imagine

no don't call the cops you weirdo

don't call the cops so give me your information

why like why do you need my information

what are you gonna do with it

I'm gonna record who came in here and stole from us

and then what are you gonna do with that

I'll decide yeah

what are you gonna decide

I mean they're gonna well first of all

I'm not gonna let you back in the store okay

so I'm gonna take my picture

put my picture up on the wall

and I won't come back to this stupid store

well I also need to find out

we're gonna prosecute

prosecute me for a freaking battery

absolutely

what do you you're gonna take me to court

I'm gonna send you to jail no

you can't what

you wanna call the cops and send me to jail right now

or you wanna send me to jail

so that's what you're doing

send me to jail now or send me to jail later

I'm gonna figure that out

so you don't even know do you

I don't even know you don't even know alright

alright alright

alright here here

here's the deal I want your information

I'm gonna run and do a background check on you

this is all your criminal past

then maybe I'll I'll work something out with you

but if you go around

stealing from all the stores in the area

or whatever and have some sort of long ratchet

I'm calling the cops

you're going to jail what

so

so I stole a pair of Scissors from the drugstore last

I don't need to know all that

just give me your information

I'm gonna run a background check on you well

I'm just saying like I steal all the time

but like nobody

nobody takes me into a security office and like

does this to me well

guess what you're here now wow

you can twitch all you want

alright I'm home no

don't call the cops

don't like don't don't do that to me

I have a really good record

I've never been caught before

it's not my fault I'm like a clean criminal

you're a clean criminal I'm a clean criminal criminal

you know what I mean give me your information

let me check on that no

you don't need to know my name alright

the cops do then okay fine my name is Bertha

I'm big brother

don't stop it

I don't even know your name

you don't need to know my name

my name is fucking officer

officer oh yeah

you're like no

you're like a rent a cop you are not an officer man

yeah I went to the academy

you went to the academy I did you what happened

not yet

come on tell me what happened

what happened what happened

what happened with your story

I got injured

now you're a rent a cop yeah

protecting this store from shoplifters

you're the weirdest person I've ever met in my life

well come on

he's the third person that has 9 1 1 on can you no

you

you like who needs 9 1 1 on speed dial this guy that

that you didn't injure yourself

put the phone down will you please

please please

no don't

you didn't actually call them did you

you recharge them no

put the phone down they're busy

can I no

can I can I real quick I just wanna talk to them

can I talk to them really quick yeah

we have a perp here huh

a perp a perp put the phone down

this is not a real

you were not actually on my phone put your information

no she's not cooperating

uh uh put the phone down okay

my name you put the phone

I did okay I'll get I'm gonna give you my name

but you have to put on the phone

I'll call you back

no you won't okay bye

my name is Julia

Roberts

Julia Roberts Julia Roberts

uh huh you live locally Julia

no not really I'm like

with traffic and everything

it's like 20 minutes sometimes so what's your address

that's really personal

or do you wanna come to my house and steal my TV

is that what what this is about

no

why do you need my address

so I can look up your information

I already explained this to you

I you can't

why do you need my address to look up my information

why don't you just like

look me up on social media or something

just gave you my name should I friend request you too

friend request me yeah

maybe we could be friends sometime yeah

that's not how this works

just give me your name and address

so I can run your information and decide what to do

from there

do you have like can I is this a real ID

I'm like I'm nervous because I I don't know who you are

and you're asking me for my personal information

you're in my store stealing

that's why I'm asking

you know what's really bothering me right now

you keep you keep saying that this is your store

but I represent the store

that's I don't need to get into certain semantics about

it's my job yeah

can you just say this is my job

can you just say I work here

this is my job and I work here

so follow what I do or I call the police

you're not the boss of me I am right now

oh come on now

it's over

my address just cause I won't give you my address

I'll give you a Po box can you give me my Po box

give me your damn address

sooner we get this done sooner

you probably be out of here

I okay fine

I live at 3 4 9 Firehouse Lane

Temecula

California Mecula

the hell you doing way out here

I just thought I'd come to a place where like

no one knew you and you could steal

that's yeah

anyway I'll be right back

oh okay

where are you going to earn your information

alright review the video footage

and decide what to do from there

so don't try anything funny

there's cameras all inside here

oh crap

oh crap

nobody's gonna watch these things back

see about that

nope nope

you're not watching me nobody's watching me

it's nice

oh it's okay

let me take this battery back

I bet he wouldn't even notice that

I took that battery back

I can eat this thing

I get what I want that's what I get

I get what I want every single time

what is this guy

so Julia Roberts yep

you're in that movie pretty woman

yeah many years ago

you know that was you

yep

the address you gave me says Julia Robbie

bullshit it's close though right

yeah it's close

you don't look like Aaron Brock a bitch

anyway Aaron Brockovich is actually a real person

did you know that yeah

I know I saw the movie I know the story

we have something in common

never mind

so turns out you uh you do like to shoplift quite a bit

don't you

you shouldn't even know that

like it shouldn't

there should be like no record of that

well there is record in fact

there's record in this office

what are you talking what

what do you mean I'm gonna need you to stand up

I explained to you there's cameras in there right

yeah well

I was watching video footage you in here

what was out there uh huh

can I see your purse

this is my purse and everything in it belongs to me

yeah yeah

like the battery that went missing again

come on

you're not fine that's why I thought this was about fun

what the fuck

God

did you take this off the wall

it was great it was just like right here

you didn't even take both pieces

I didn't even notice that there were two pieces

get your hands off there

it would be really nice for summer

it goes really great with my eyes

alright

you're probably the first person I brought in here

that's getting charged with stealing the same item

twice

charge me twice

you stole it twice why can't I

I think you're me because you're just making stuff up

I'm making stuff up

just caught you with fucking items out of this

but you would never know like there's no look at it

can I just show you something

maybe this will help you with the store

but there's no tags on it

you're in my office doesn't need tags oh

this isn't for sale

looks like it's about ready to be for sale

but I was just like thinking

you know nobody would notice if you took half of it

wow and now that I know that there's a second piece

I kinda really want this one too yeah

did you bring money yeah

I I have a credit card

I just don't wanna use it clearly yeah

so like we should just forget about this

just just let me go home and we can move on

you can go on with your day

and I can just go on with not having the stuff

no I'm gonna need to search on you

I've already found I found the same item twice on you

and you've stolen from my office directly

you so so yeah that happened and you said you saw

if you saw me doing it on the cameras

so there's no need to search me well

I need to search you cause

there might be things that you took

while you were in my store

that I didn't see stop calling it your store

cause none of your stores drive me crazy

I don't care my place of employment that's better

so either I do the search or I call the police

and they're gonna do it

they're gonna take you down this station

and they're gonna be really unpleasant

about the whole thing

I think you're unpleasant about the whole thing

you steal from my store ah

and I'm unpleasant

that's how it works

I promise never steal from my store again

because I will never come back to your store

ever again well

we're not gonna let you back in the store

but in the meantime

I need to see if you have anything else

that belongs to us I don't there's nothing well

I need you to turn around and let me search you

so we have like a woman in here like watch this

she's out to lunch

oh dog

this is really uncomfortable

oh oh oh oh god oh

okay okay

this is weird

okay

relax

you want me to relax

it actually have to be touching me like that

okay oh

that's yep that's my nipple this is so weird oh come on

oh

oh

what's going on here what do you what nothing

well I'm just telling you something down here

oh

no nothing yeah

I know no nothing that's really weird

why are you telling me I don't one doesn't lie

um okay

okay listen

is this embarrassing that I have a um

I have a piercing down there

it's a it's just a it's just a piercing yeah yeah

I don't buy it

gonna need you at this room

you don't buy it like I don't buy things

anyway I'm gonna need you at this room

come on I don't like the wand

the wand is telling me something's going on here yeah

but it's not I

there's nothing that I stole from your store

I don't know this I I need you this road

can I just like give you a little peeky poo

and then you we can

you know go on with our days

no come on

just a little boom and then a little boom and then boom

and then I go and then you go and no

I need you to start

either you do it here

or you get taken to the station and do it ah

I sound like a broken record but you do oh God okay

fine

I can't can I just I'm just gonna

do this

what

keep going

what wait

you don't have to touch me

come on you've already done all that what

that's not a piercing what is that

what this

it's um

it's a it's a um

it's a okay

okay I'm gonna be really honest with you now okay

I'm gonna tell you the truth alright

take panties off

you don't even wanna hear it

no what is this

it's a um

it's a it's a sex toy

sex toy is this ours

no you guys don't sell that stuff

here the hell are you doing with this

I'm just like walking around feeling good you know

and I'm the weird one

um the battery is running low

it's not vibrating like it should be

and so that's why I was taking the battery

I was kind of in a hurry because without it

I feel a lot of stress and tension in my body

and I just really I just really like wanted to happen

um you know

one of those it's an orgasm okay an orgasm

and you couldn't just spend 5 minutes

to pay for the battery

no I'm really busy

I guess you needed something sexy to wear with it

usually yeah

depends on but why you've already seen

well I found something in you

I don't know what else might be in there

I don't wanna do anymore of this

this is weird

this is weird yeah

you're walking around with a fucking toy in your pussy

in my store and this is weird

not your fucking store god damn it it is now

okay you're creepy

you're really creepy stop

what are you actually doing

this is insane

what do you think it's funny or something

it is funny you're calling me creepy

and you're walking around my store with this

that's not creepy it's normal

it's not your fucking store

it's not your fucking store

take your shoes off

my shoes take your shoes off

but I I paid a lot of money for these shoes

I actually paid for these shoes

no I did

I really did I bought them

really expensive

why don't we should have bought cheaper shoes

then you could have afforded batteries

no but if I buy cheaper shoes

then I then

then I could afford batteries

I guess that's what you just said

I I just said that

okay stand back up arms

arms up arms up like a bird

oh

dude

alright you know what

I need to do a cavity search

no you don't

I do are you a gynecologist too

yeah practitioner

you clearly walk around with things inside the cavity

so yeah

but that's it's

it's meant to go inside the cavity

it's meant to was designed for that

I need to see if there's anything else of ours inside

you there isn't

I need to be clear there's nothing in there

I need to be sure there's nothing else

either you let me do it or I call the police

this is insane this is

I can't believe this is happening to me don't steal it

I wouldn't

but I I steal really little things like I don't

I'm not stealing like your diamond in your ear

like I could take this do you want that ear too

yeah I do they're matching set kinda like those outfits

you're very nice yeah yeah

I'll make sure to check when you leave

they still have them

so again cavity surge or call the police

fuck

your choice I don't I don't no no

no no no no

no no no please don't please

so you just want me to like show you

I'm gonna look for myself

so weird I don't know

this is like it just feels like

like you got caught doing something wrong

it feels like gross it feels gross

that's what it feels like it feels gross

oh I keep forgetting I'm naked

exposing my titties to you and my vagina

and it's just really

I think I'm

either you do with me or you do with the police

full of station full of police

whole station's gonna watch me

probably they're all gonna be staring

while somebody goes into my cavity yes

you wanna see my you wanna see

I gotta I gotta get some cavities from no

oh yeah those cavities okay

see it

so we're done right no

that's it we're done no we're done here

that's not where I found things you wanna look in here

and that's okay look at that

yeah

okay

fine fine

can we just get this over with

we can you quit dicking around alright

I'm done dicking around alright done

what do you want me

bend over I'm bent

Jeez

keep going um

this is crazy

ow what

oh my God

holy

oh what the actual heck

um excuse me

but I'm not sure you're that's it

why is this cavity search still going on

cause I'm still looking there's nothing there

you should go by now no

there's it's not wait

it's not a big space come on

what do you think you're gonna pull out

I have no idea you'd be surprised what I found

oh

wow

oh

what okay

you're going wow you

you just went all the way in with your fingers um

um excuse me but

I think you're done right

what right

what

what's the matter huh

what's wrong I didn't find anything

I knew that you were I told you

so so what

I can go

that's it why you seem so disappointed

I'm trying to figure out what to do now

well I'm gonna go home

no this point I called the police

what you did

the whole reason why I did all this

was so that you would not call the police

no this is to determine when I call the police huh

yeah

I mean I caught you stealing store apologies

call the police

I just need to be there on what you stole

before I make my report

let's just forget about this one like this

let's just forget

let's just be like this one didn't even happen

no let's just go back to pretty significant

cause you left half of it here

and you're in my office doing it

now this is my office

you're making me so mad calling it your office

it is my office you don't own this building

this is my office you stole from my office

so now I either call the police

or we figure out something else

okay you said figure out something else like what

can I like can I maybe

you know um

vacuum the floor for you or something and just no

we have cleaning crew um

do you want like a coffee

I could go to the coffee shop and get you something no

I'm good um

you are standing here

yeah okay

that's enough okay

weirdo okay

creepy mccreepster you're the one that said your name

Oreo

oh it's been three freaking weeks

I'm just trying to get myself an orgasm

like it's been three weeks

that's why I'm so I'm not normally like this

normally I'm really nice and and um

and by your record you steal a lot

we established that I admitted that yeah

it's a hobby that's all

but I can keep you out of jail

if you do something for me

well I just offered to get you a coffee or something

what do you want a sandwich

no

I think you have an idea of what I want

I think no no no no no

I just it's just that I've seen

I watch a lot of like documentaries about creepy man

and

and like you remind me of one of them

and it's it's just

I was just trying to process that

I am the woman in this situation right now

you wouldn't be in this situation

if you didn't steal from my store

I didn't steal this is mine

why are you looking at her

whatever whatever you stole

there's no proof that this is yours

you can't even remember what I stole

I I got video tape so I don't have to remember

alright now

you wanna cooperate with me

or you want me to call the police

cause either way I'm cool

I don't I really can't go to jail tonight

I really can't

yeah it's a Friday

you're gonna be in there all weekend

probably won't even be arranged till Monday yeah

I really

I got poked and prodded and whatever else goes on

I can't it's it's my my boyfriend and I

we've been together for seven years

yeah and our anniversary is tomorrow yeah

we're just here for it

I didn't get to that point on my day yet

so I don't I ain't steal from from anybody yet

oh for him like I didn't do that yet

I know but if you let me go

I could go steal from somebody else and like

that's the whole point I don't want you to do that why

cause some other creepy

security guard is gonna pull me in their office

and do the same thing

maybe maybe you're gonna be less friendly than I am

alright listen

I don't want to go to jail I don't

you have two options okay

so my option is what

go to fucking jail or do something for you

you want me to like play with your

your ding a Ling to start with

you just want me to play with it a little bit

to start with and then and then we can like

decide from there

okay let's yeah yeah

you're in jail right

yeah you're right here quicker we're done here quicker

you're done

I know I just really gotta get out of here yeah

and like the cameras are on and so

I just wanna make sure that my

my boyfriend in 7 years is not going to ever see this

cause I'm pretty sure we're getting engaged tomorrow

yeah what do you mean

but he hasn't given you an orgasm in three weeks

well

he was out of town for work that's a really good job

okay yeah

he's a doctor yeah yeah

he's a doctor yeah

cardiologist ah I was hoping he's a psychiatrist

maybe help you here what

what do you what do you mean

stealing fantasies or fetishes

whatever is going on with you

this is just my personal this is like

honestly between me and you

like now

you are the only person in the world that knows about

my hobby your hobby

there's a hobby mhm okay

mhm

well the results are your hobby or where you're at now

so if I play with your your thing

your thingamajig um

you let me go home right

do a good job

if I do a good job oh okay

I'll see how I do okay

okay

and you want me to just undo the belts

right like this

you're sure that there's nothing else I can do

like this this is that

this is what it has to be

it can't be anything else true

okay

should I undo this too

whatever makes it easy

I mean you've made everything hard so far

and now all of a sudden you wanna make it easy for me

now it's your turn to make things hard

okay

what are you doing I'm

I'm doing good job that's what I'm doing

I'm doing good job how are you

boyfriend in seven years put up with that yeah

yeah

oh yeah

he loves it oh he loves it so much

okay

is that it of course it is no

no no

no no no

I'll do better I'll do better

I'll do better I'll do better

I'll do better right now okay

ah

ah

ah

this is the best blow job you've ever had

you love it so much pretty good yeah

it's really

they've never had it as good as I'm giving it to you

this is like it this is like the best

right

was that better

oh my

mmm

mmm ha

okay so that's it right

no

okay

alright then just get comfy okay

oh yeah

what is that it I'm all done

where are we going okay

okay

are you are you are you thinking about um

putting your your penis inside of me

yeah you said you knew more doesn't yeah

that's true I do yeah

oh my God

oh

oh

oh

oh God I'm gonna get in so much trouble oh

oh oh my God

no oh

why is this happening

actually I'm actually having sex

oh

oh

oh

oh my oh

is that happening

oh my God what

huh

huh

is

that it hold that and tell me how much you like my cock

okay

um

I

you want me to tell you that I like it

yeah um

uh well I

I like it

I like your cock

yeah it's getting me out of jail

your cock is my get out of jail card right

oh

okay I don't think I'm ever gonna steal again

oh yeah it's been like your dog

uh huh

overworks

overworks not funny did you know

oh

never scale again

oh yeah

oh

oh yeah ah

shh shh

ah

ah

I ah oh

ah

ah ah oh yes I was really bad I am really bad

oh oh yeah

oh

oh you were calling them huh

I thought you were gonna call them huh

okay ah

ah

oh

oh yeah

oh oh

oh

oh

oh

I wonder if my boyfriend's gonna be able to tell that

my pussy stretched out

what am I kidding you don't care

oh God

okay okay okay

oh oh

oh oh oh oh

oh

oh

yeah yeah

I like it I like your cock

okay okay

how much do you like that cock

I I like I like your cock yeah yeah

I like it I like it great

it's just good I don't believe you

you don't believe me

I like it I

really like your cock it's um

it's it's like

it's like so big and it makes it feel it feels good

that's right

I burnt head

yeah

yeah

really good at this I'm having a really great time

what what what what

uh huh yeah

okay okay alright okay

okay okay um okay

okay

oh oh yes

oh oh yeah

oh

oh oh oh

oh ah ah ah

oh

oh

oh

so happening okay still happening like it oh

I like it yeah I like it tell me how much you like it

um I like it to the moon and back hey

I I like it you know

if I were to go in a spatial and take off and then

do a ladder on the moon and be like

oh let's go to Mars and then go around there

Saturn and Jupiter and then

and then back to earth that's how much I like it

am

I doing a good job

yes good

yeah I like it

it is what it is right

I just have to like get it over with

you're really good at this you really good

oh yeah

ah ah

oh no

oh

oh

oh

oh yeah

oh

oh

oh

you make me come like that

oh that's so bad

oh fuck

I'm coming oh

oh oh

oh my God

oh fuck

oh

oh okay

maybe I can leave now without the battery

yeah haha

oh where are we going now

am I done

oh I thought maybe maybe I was done

okay what

you want me to sit on your car

I do okay alright

I mean

I kinda feel dirty

I just came that's really bad

what

okay

alright I'm standing on it

this is really hard to do

without being able to use my hands okay thank you

oh

oh okay

like I'm at the gym I'm doing my squats right

oh

yeah I'm really working it

just another workout

oh yeah

wow haha

oh yeah

really feeling that huh

I'm feeling the burn yeah

you bet oh

I like it yeah

so good

oh yeah

my legs are burning you love that

don't you oh

your cockpit okay let me face you

okay

it's really weird how you look at me oh oh

you're gonna choke me for what I did

you're bad I've been bad

I know I've been really bad

yeah okay

okay alright

I love it so much

do you believe me yet I do okay so we're almost done

now now I'm getting the cardio in

that's all I'm doing is getting the cardio in

oh oh did I just get a spanking too

oh I wasn't expecting that oh oh wow

I'm really being punished aren't I oh oh

oh oh oh oh

oh oh oh

oh yeah oh

okay yeah

wow oh wow oh yeah

hmm

oh I like these put it down no

put it down no

I feel like I'm working for like stuff

you know like

or maybe I can sweetheart

if you mean happy on this

don't let me read it I don't think so after this

come on

oh oh

oh oh wow wow

where are we going oh yeah oh yeah

yeah you love it

you like it I do yeah

you do you're having a grand old time over here

I'm probably late for my lunch date

me and my girlfriend

oh hey

so I can't come twice

so be really bad in this situation

you know yeah

yeah

so

you're like touching my magic button and it's you know

yeah

do you think you wanna come

yeah you do you know what

I think because I'm running late for my lunch

I think that you should probably just come

no I don't think so I know so

you love it you know

it feels so good

do you want me to tell you I like it so much

I like it so much

I want you to come for me so I can come to lunch

yes

yes

hmm

hmm

getting late

forgot my watch

oh yeah

ah

oh I like it so much

oh it's so good

oh yeah

oh you too many wanna give me a comb

me too

me too you should do it

you should it's gonna make you feel so much better

yeah

maybe even like you

let me leave with this whole outfit

Mommy it feels so good

you need it

you need it so bad

yes

give it to me you want me

I think you should do it

oh

oh

oh yeah

you've been so good to my puppy

fuck me

I wanna make you calm

I wanna make you calm

so bad

oh

shit

oh fuck yeah

oh yes

oh yeah

oh my God

oh oh

yeah

oh yes

oh yes

oh

oh

yes oh

fucking God oh

yes oh yes

oh yeah

oh yeah

oh yeah

oh

oh yeah

yes fuck yeah

oh yeah

oh oh

oh yes

oh fuck yeah

I feel so fucking good I like your coffee

oh yeah

oh yeah

that's it

fuck you

yeah ah

oh yeah

oh yeah

oh fuck yeah

ah

ah

oh fuck yeah

right there oh

oh

oh

meow oh yeah yeah

I want your comb oh yeah

yeah oh

yeah

oh

oh

oh yeah yes yeah

yeah yeah yeah

yeah yeah

oh my God yeah

that's it yeah

oh yeah

oh yeah oh

give it to me please

oh oh oh oh

oh oh

oh

oh oh

oh

oh it's good oh

fuck yeah oh yeah

you did it oh yes okay

get away from here enough

do you like have something that you can clean up on

yeah

good here

get out of my office

get the fuck out of here as fast as I fucking can oh

did you believe me I did

did you believe me

okay

oh

I'm so mad I'm like ugh

and I just go here fuck this

nobody's gonna see me right

I just like run out there to the bathroom