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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:05,805 --> 00:00:09,409 - guys with kidsis taped in 2 00:00:05,805 --> 00:00:09,409 Front of a live studio audience. 3 00:00:09,442 --> 00:00:12,212 - [laughs] 4 00:00:09,442 --> 00:00:12,212 Violet, do you love this movie? 5 00:00:12,245 --> 00:00:13,646 Huh? You love it? 6 00:00:13,680 --> 00:00:14,981 To stay in this family, 7 00:00:15,150 --> 00:00:16,816 You have to love 8 00:00:15,150 --> 00:00:16,816 what about bob? 9 00:00:16,850 --> 00:00:19,319 - I love it. 10 00:00:19,352 --> 00:00:21,454 - I cannot get this kid 11 00:00:19,352 --> 00:00:21,454 To stop reading. 12 00:00:21,488 --> 00:00:23,156 [oven bell dings] 13 00:00:23,189 --> 00:00:25,225 - [gasps] 14 00:00:23,189 --> 00:00:25,225 Good, cookies are ready. 15 00:00:25,258 --> 00:00:26,393 - [groans] 16 00:00:25,258 --> 00:00:26,393 Watch out. 17 00:00:26,426 --> 00:00:27,827 They're not for you. 18 00:00:27,861 --> 00:00:30,300 We're surprising marny 19 00:00:27,861 --> 00:00:30,300 For her birthday. 20 00:00:30,630 --> 00:00:31,431 - you're making them 21 00:00:30,630 --> 00:00:31,431 In my apartment. 22 00:00:31,464 --> 00:00:34,668 You can surprise her 23 00:00:31,464 --> 00:00:34,668 With the next batch. 24 00:00:34,701 --> 00:00:36,703 - hi, everyone. 25 00:00:34,701 --> 00:00:36,703 - hi. 26 00:00:36,736 --> 00:00:38,405 - here is our son. 27 00:00:38,438 --> 00:00:42,142 He's clean, and I'd like him 28 00:00:38,438 --> 00:00:42,142 Returned that way. 29 00:00:42,175 --> 00:00:46,479 - you know 30 00:00:42,175 --> 00:00:46,479 I don't borrow him, right? 31 00:00:46,513 --> 00:00:48,348 - what is this? 32 00:00:46,513 --> 00:00:48,348 What is--what is this? 33 00:00:48,381 --> 00:00:49,582 - what? 34 00:00:48,381 --> 00:00:49,582 - there's no sitting. 35 00:00:49,616 --> 00:00:50,784 You drop him off, 36 00:00:49,616 --> 00:00:50,784 And then you leave. 37 00:00:50,817 --> 00:00:53,386 Do you not know 38 00:00:50,817 --> 00:00:53,386 How divorce works? 39 00:00:53,420 --> 00:00:55,188 - I'm not leaving. 40 00:00:55,221 --> 00:00:56,656 I can sense ernie's 41 00:00:55,221 --> 00:00:56,656 About to say his first words, 42 00:00:56,690 --> 00:00:58,580 And I'm not gonna miss it. 43 00:00:58,910 --> 00:00:59,893 It's gonna be "Mama." 44 00:00:58,910 --> 00:00:59,893 Say "Mama." 45 00:00:59,926 --> 00:01:01,361 Mama. Mama. 46 00:01:01,394 --> 00:01:03,296 Say "Mama." 47 00:01:01,394 --> 00:01:03,296 - how did this happen? 48 00:01:03,329 --> 00:01:06,660 How am I stuck with your ex-wife 49 00:01:03,329 --> 00:01:06,660 For the rest of my life? 50 00:01:06,990 --> 00:01:08,601 - well, I'm not happy to be 51 00:01:06,990 --> 00:01:08,601 Stuck with you either. 52 00:01:08,635 --> 00:01:11,638 I feel like michelle pfeiffer 53 00:01:08,635 --> 00:01:11,638 in dangerous minds, 54 00:01:11,670 --> 00:01:14,607 Only you don't want 55 00:01:11,670 --> 00:01:14,607 To learn anything. 56 00:01:14,641 --> 00:01:17,176 - you know, chris, 57 00:01:14,641 --> 00:01:17,176 I blame you for of this. 58 00:01:17,210 --> 00:01:18,611 Yeah, this would not be 59 00:01:17,210 --> 00:01:18,611 The case 60 00:01:18,645 --> 00:01:22,482 If you hadn't married 61 00:01:18,645 --> 00:01:22,482 Medusa sucks-a-lot. 62 00:01:22,515 --> 00:01:24,451 - no. No. No. 63 00:01:24,484 --> 00:01:26,386 If us all being stuck together 64 00:01:24,484 --> 00:01:26,386 Is anybody's fault, it's yours. 65 00:01:26,419 --> 00:01:28,555 - mine? 66 00:01:26,419 --> 00:01:28,555 - yeah. Yeah, your fault. 67 00:01:28,588 --> 00:01:30,900 It was the summer of 2004. 68 00:01:30,123 --> 00:01:31,925 You and I were living together. 69 00:01:30,123 --> 00:01:31,925 I was dating sage. 70 00:01:31,958 --> 00:01:35,950 Rap-rock was taking 71 00:01:31,958 --> 00:01:35,950 The nation by storm. 72 00:01:35,128 --> 00:01:37,464 I was reporting live 73 00:01:35,128 --> 00:01:37,464 From that scene. 74 00:01:37,497 --> 00:01:41,634 - literally, every word that you 75 00:01:37,497 --> 00:01:41,634 Just said made me mad. 76 00:01:41,668 --> 00:01:43,503 - * you're so much fun * 77 00:01:43,536 --> 00:01:45,638 * we need each other * 78 00:01:45,672 --> 00:01:47,107 * like the sun * 79 00:01:47,140 --> 00:01:49,109 * sage, 80 00:01:47,140 --> 00:01:49,109 When I'm not with you * 81 00:01:49,142 --> 00:01:51,511 * I'm in a rage 82 00:01:49,142 --> 00:01:51,511 Like a lion in a cage * 83 00:01:51,544 --> 00:01:52,878 * I live my life 84 00:01:51,544 --> 00:01:52,878 Up on the stage * 85 00:01:52,912 --> 00:01:54,646 * for all the world to see, 86 00:01:52,912 --> 00:01:54,646 You and me... * 87 00:01:54,681 --> 00:01:56,116 - chris, chris, chris. 88 00:01:54,681 --> 00:01:56,116 - what? 89 00:01:56,116 --> 00:01:57,717 - listen. 90 00:01:56,116 --> 00:01:57,717 This is really important. 91 00:01:57,751 --> 00:01:58,884 I need you to do me a favor. 92 00:01:58,918 --> 00:02:00,620 Take the "B" train 93 00:01:58,918 --> 00:02:00,620 Up to yonkers. 94 00:02:00,653 --> 00:02:03,323 Go to my uncle's house. 95 00:02:00,653 --> 00:02:03,323 Inside is a civil war bayonet. 96 00:02:03,356 --> 00:02:05,325 I need you to grab it, 97 00:02:03,356 --> 00:02:05,325 Bring it back here, 98 00:02:05,358 --> 00:02:07,127 And then stab me 99 00:02:05,358 --> 00:02:07,127 In the ears with it, 100 00:02:07,160 --> 00:02:10,363 So I never have to listen 101 00:02:07,160 --> 00:02:10,363 To that song again, okay? 102 00:02:10,396 --> 00:02:12,799 - hey, you be nice. 103 00:02:10,396 --> 00:02:12,799 My boy wrote me a song. 104 00:02:12,832 --> 00:02:14,834 I love that song. 105 00:02:14,868 --> 00:02:18,905 You are so talented 106 00:02:14,868 --> 00:02:18,905 At so many things. 107 00:02:18,938 --> 00:02:20,640 - okay. 108 00:02:20,674 --> 00:02:22,909 Okay, okay. 109 00:02:20,674 --> 00:02:22,909 Guys. 110 00:02:22,942 --> 00:02:25,845 [both laughing] 111 00:02:25,879 --> 00:02:27,347 - did you tell them? 112 00:02:27,380 --> 00:02:28,548 - no, hey. 113 00:02:27,380 --> 00:02:28,548 Mwah. 114 00:02:28,581 --> 00:02:31,284 I was waiting for you. 115 00:02:31,317 --> 00:02:32,519 - [gasps] 116 00:02:31,317 --> 00:02:32,519 You got engaged? 117 00:02:32,552 --> 00:02:34,287 [both shrieking, 118 00:02:32,552 --> 00:02:34,287 Laughing] 119 00:02:34,320 --> 00:02:35,655 - oh, my god. 120 00:02:35,689 --> 00:02:38,358 - you got engaged. 121 00:02:35,689 --> 00:02:38,358 - yes! 122 00:02:38,391 --> 00:02:40,326 - yep. 123 00:02:38,391 --> 00:02:40,326 I'm off the market. 124 00:02:40,360 --> 00:02:42,696 It's a sad day 125 00:02:40,360 --> 00:02:42,696 For single ladies everywhere, 126 00:02:42,728 --> 00:02:46,700 But a happy one for less 127 00:02:42,728 --> 00:02:46,700 Attractive men than myself. 128 00:02:46,733 --> 00:02:48,368 - were you surprised? 129 00:02:46,733 --> 00:02:48,368 - oh, I was... 130 00:02:48,401 --> 00:02:50,170 Especially when halfway 131 00:02:48,401 --> 00:02:50,170 Through the proposal, 132 00:02:50,203 --> 00:02:52,872 The swan the ring was taped to 133 00:02:50,203 --> 00:02:52,872 Started to run away. 134 00:02:52,906 --> 00:02:55,800 - [laughs] 135 00:02:55,108 --> 00:02:57,410 - engaged? 136 00:02:57,444 --> 00:02:59,546 I can't-- 137 00:02:57,444 --> 00:02:59,546 I can't believe you. 138 00:02:59,579 --> 00:03:00,780 This is not part of the plan, 139 00:03:00,814 --> 00:03:02,782 Which, may I remind you, 140 00:03:00,814 --> 00:03:02,782 Was all your plan. 141 00:03:02,816 --> 00:03:04,584 You're the one who convinced me 142 00:03:02,816 --> 00:03:04,584 To blow off law school 143 00:03:04,617 --> 00:03:05,618 To become an actor. 144 00:03:05,652 --> 00:03:07,320 You made me sign an agreement 145 00:03:07,354 --> 00:03:08,822 Saying that 146 00:03:07,354 --> 00:03:08,822 We wouldn't settle down 147 00:03:08,855 --> 00:03:10,390 Till we were in our 30s. 148 00:03:10,423 --> 00:03:12,492 - chris, we wrote that 149 00:03:10,423 --> 00:03:12,492 On a flour tortilla 150 00:03:12,525 --> 00:03:14,894 When we were super drunk. 151 00:03:14,928 --> 00:03:18,365 - you had me get 152 00:03:14,928 --> 00:03:18,365 That tortilla notarized. 153 00:03:18,398 --> 00:03:19,733 - well, you know, 154 00:03:18,398 --> 00:03:19,733 Plans change. 155 00:03:19,766 --> 00:03:21,670 And now I'm gonna have a wife. 156 00:03:21,670 --> 00:03:22,569 - [sighs] 157 00:03:21,670 --> 00:03:22,569 - okay? 158 00:03:22,602 --> 00:03:25,638 And if doctors are 159 00:03:22,602 --> 00:03:25,638 To be believed, a baby. 160 00:03:25,672 --> 00:03:27,407 - emily's pregnant? 161 00:03:27,440 --> 00:03:29,750 - yeah. And I don't know 162 00:03:27,440 --> 00:03:29,750 What happened, man. 163 00:03:29,750 --> 00:03:32,912 We were safe, like, 164 00:03:29,750 --> 00:03:32,912 70%, 80% of the time. 165 00:03:32,946 --> 00:03:34,848 - see, you got engaged, 166 00:03:32,946 --> 00:03:34,848 So I went to law school, 167 00:03:34,881 --> 00:03:36,616 Which is where I met sheila, 168 00:03:36,649 --> 00:03:37,984 Which is why she's in 169 00:03:36,649 --> 00:03:37,984 Your living room on a sunday 170 00:03:38,840 --> 00:03:39,619 Until my son says 171 00:03:38,840 --> 00:03:39,619 His first word. 172 00:03:39,652 --> 00:03:42,655 - mama. Mama. 173 00:03:39,652 --> 00:03:42,655 Mama. 174 00:03:42,689 --> 00:03:46,920 - see, this right here-- 175 00:03:42,689 --> 00:03:46,920 All your fault. 176 00:03:46,920 --> 00:03:48,361 - no, no. 177 00:03:46,920 --> 00:03:48,361 That cannot be true. 178 00:03:48,395 --> 00:03:49,728 - I know. 179 00:03:49,763 --> 00:03:53,600 Emily was pregnant 180 00:03:49,763 --> 00:03:53,600 Before she got married. 181 00:03:53,633 --> 00:03:55,602 Dad said that couldn't happen. 182 00:03:55,635 --> 00:03:58,400 - nice detail in front 183 00:03:55,635 --> 00:03:58,400 Of the kids. 184 00:03:58,103 --> 00:04:00,730 Thank you. 185 00:04:00,106 --> 00:04:03,410 - * why would you walk 186 00:04:00,106 --> 00:04:03,410 When you can run? * 187 00:04:03,443 --> 00:04:04,944 * everybody's singin' * 188 00:04:05,450 --> 00:04:08,748 * why would you walk 189 00:04:05,450 --> 00:04:08,748 When you can run? * 190 00:04:19,893 --> 00:04:23,663 - hey. 191 00:04:19,893 --> 00:04:23,663 Here are all my boys. 192 00:04:23,697 --> 00:04:26,900 - yeah. Hmm. 193 00:04:23,697 --> 00:04:26,900 - so many boys. 194 00:04:26,933 --> 00:04:29,469 Mm. So what's everybody 195 00:04:26,933 --> 00:04:29,469 Doing here? 196 00:04:29,502 --> 00:04:32,839 - we're making you 197 00:04:29,502 --> 00:04:32,839 Secret birthday cookies. 198 00:04:32,872 --> 00:04:36,443 Wait. 199 00:04:32,872 --> 00:04:36,443 We're not. 200 00:04:36,476 --> 00:04:38,745 - oh, it's gonna be 201 00:04:36,476 --> 00:04:38,745 A great birthday-- 202 00:04:38,778 --> 00:04:41,414 Cookies, the family portrait, 203 00:04:41,448 --> 00:04:45,552 You getting your tooth fixed 204 00:04:41,448 --> 00:04:45,552 Before the family portrait. 205 00:04:45,585 --> 00:04:46,720 - no, no, no. 206 00:04:46,753 --> 00:04:47,987 You're making us wear 207 00:04:48,880 --> 00:04:50,423 Matching white turtlenecks 208 00:04:48,880 --> 00:04:50,423 And blue jeans. 209 00:04:50,457 --> 00:04:53,493 My tooth will not be 210 00:04:50,457 --> 00:04:53,493 The weirdest thing in the photo. 211 00:04:53,526 --> 00:04:56,129 - gary, 212 00:04:53,526 --> 00:04:56,129 Why won't you just do it? 213 00:04:56,162 --> 00:04:58,498 - because I like 214 00:04:56,162 --> 00:04:58,498 My chipped tooth. 215 00:04:58,531 --> 00:04:59,499 The kids like it. 216 00:04:59,532 --> 00:05:01,501 Plus... 217 00:05:01,534 --> 00:05:04,304 I can debone a chicken wing 218 00:05:01,534 --> 00:05:04,304 In three seconds flat. 219 00:05:04,337 --> 00:05:05,705 [door opens] 220 00:05:04,337 --> 00:05:05,705 - wait a minute. 221 00:05:05,739 --> 00:05:07,400 Wait a minute. 222 00:05:05,739 --> 00:05:07,400 It just came to me. 223 00:05:07,400 --> 00:05:08,541 I just realized 224 00:05:07,400 --> 00:05:08,541 Why it is not my fault 225 00:05:08,575 --> 00:05:09,743 That I am stuck with sheila. 226 00:05:09,776 --> 00:05:11,440 You would have gone 227 00:05:09,776 --> 00:05:11,440 To law school 228 00:05:11,440 --> 00:05:12,278 Whether I got engaged or not, 229 00:05:12,312 --> 00:05:14,881 Because you were 230 00:05:12,312 --> 00:05:14,881 A terrible actor. 231 00:05:14,914 --> 00:05:17,417 Ha-ho! Yeah! 232 00:05:14,914 --> 00:05:17,417 Not my fault. 233 00:05:17,450 --> 00:05:19,586 I had nothing to do with you 234 00:05:17,450 --> 00:05:19,586 Marrying sheila. 235 00:05:19,619 --> 00:05:22,550 - actually, you did. 236 00:05:22,550 --> 00:05:23,923 It was the day 237 00:05:22,550 --> 00:05:23,923 Violet was born. 238 00:05:23,957 --> 00:05:27,600 - I remember that day. 239 00:05:23,957 --> 00:05:27,600 I was there. 240 00:05:27,600 --> 00:05:29,596 - so was your tooth. 241 00:05:31,898 --> 00:05:34,467 - I'm not ready for this. 242 00:05:31,898 --> 00:05:34,467 I'm not ready to be a father. 243 00:05:34,501 --> 00:05:35,702 I don't know what I'm doing. 244 00:05:35,735 --> 00:05:36,870 I just learned 245 00:05:35,735 --> 00:05:36,870 That they're not allowed 246 00:05:36,903 --> 00:05:39,673 To eat tuna fish 247 00:05:36,903 --> 00:05:39,673 For, like, years. 248 00:05:39,706 --> 00:05:41,574 That's all we eat! 249 00:05:41,608 --> 00:05:45,712 - you're going to be great. 250 00:05:41,608 --> 00:05:45,712 I know it. 251 00:05:45,745 --> 00:05:47,113 Hi. 252 00:05:47,147 --> 00:05:49,115 I'm emily. 253 00:05:47,147 --> 00:05:49,115 This is my husband, nick. 254 00:05:49,149 --> 00:05:51,317 - hi. I'm marny. 255 00:05:51,351 --> 00:05:53,520 And this is-- 256 00:05:53,553 --> 00:05:55,789 Gary! 257 00:05:55,822 --> 00:05:57,524 - no. 258 00:05:55,822 --> 00:05:57,524 No, man, I'm not busy. 259 00:05:57,557 --> 00:05:59,526 My wife just had a baby. 260 00:05:59,558 --> 00:06:01,728 Yeah, no, no, I just got to 261 00:05:59,558 --> 00:06:01,728 Straighten some things out here, 262 00:06:01,761 --> 00:06:02,862 And I'll be there 263 00:06:01,761 --> 00:06:02,862 In half an hour. 264 00:06:02,896 --> 00:06:03,897 - gary. 265 00:06:03,930 --> 00:06:08,101 - okay, 45 minutes. 266 00:06:08,134 --> 00:06:10,637 - you're just gonna leave me 267 00:06:08,134 --> 00:06:10,637 Here staring at a wall? 268 00:06:10,670 --> 00:06:12,380 - you know what? 269 00:06:10,670 --> 00:06:12,380 You're right, babe. 270 00:06:12,380 --> 00:06:13,573 I'm gonna get you 271 00:06:12,380 --> 00:06:13,573 That window bed. 272 00:06:13,606 --> 00:06:15,410 Hey. 273 00:06:13,606 --> 00:06:15,410 Kevin mchale. 274 00:06:15,410 --> 00:06:16,943 How much do you want 275 00:06:15,410 --> 00:06:16,943 For the window bed, huh? 276 00:06:17,430 --> 00:06:20,460 I'll give, uh, $500. 277 00:06:20,460 --> 00:06:21,748 - I'm not selling 278 00:06:20,460 --> 00:06:21,748 My wife's bed. 279 00:06:21,781 --> 00:06:23,183 - gary, stop showing off. 280 00:06:23,216 --> 00:06:25,385 Get out of the way. 281 00:06:23,216 --> 00:06:25,385 - okay, babe. 282 00:06:25,418 --> 00:06:27,387 - so what did you guys have? 283 00:06:27,420 --> 00:06:30,190 - a little girl. 284 00:06:27,420 --> 00:06:30,190 - oh, a girl. 285 00:06:30,223 --> 00:06:32,592 We were trying for a girl. 286 00:06:32,625 --> 00:06:35,895 But now we have two boys. 287 00:06:35,929 --> 00:06:39,733 So many boys. 288 00:06:39,766 --> 00:06:41,401 So what are you guys naming 289 00:06:39,766 --> 00:06:41,401 Your daughter? 290 00:06:41,433 --> 00:06:43,403 - holy crap, 291 00:06:41,433 --> 00:06:43,403 She still needs a name. 292 00:06:43,436 --> 00:06:45,105 Um... 293 00:06:43,436 --> 00:06:45,105 - hey... 294 00:06:45,138 --> 00:06:46,573 Calm down, all right? 295 00:06:46,606 --> 00:06:48,808 Having kids does not change 296 00:06:46,606 --> 00:06:48,808 Your life. 297 00:06:48,842 --> 00:06:52,780 We've both still have 298 00:06:48,842 --> 00:06:52,780 Full-time jobs. 299 00:06:52,780 --> 00:06:54,114 We got a russian nanny 300 00:06:52,780 --> 00:06:54,114 Whose name is oksana. 301 00:06:54,147 --> 00:06:57,384 She cooks, she cleans, 302 00:06:54,147 --> 00:06:57,384 Her "V"S sound like "W"S. 303 00:06:57,417 --> 00:07:00,553 [chuckles] 304 00:06:57,417 --> 00:07:00,553 It amuses me. 305 00:07:00,587 --> 00:07:02,222 Watch this. 306 00:07:00,587 --> 00:07:02,222 Hey, oksana. 307 00:07:02,255 --> 00:07:05,125 What's the name of the car 308 00:07:02,255 --> 00:07:05,125 That marny wants to get? 309 00:07:05,158 --> 00:07:07,861 - volvo. 310 00:07:07,894 --> 00:07:11,664 - she usually does it. 311 00:07:07,894 --> 00:07:11,664 I don't know what happened. 312 00:07:11,698 --> 00:07:14,234 - if you had a girl, 313 00:07:11,698 --> 00:07:14,234 What were you gonna name her? 314 00:07:14,267 --> 00:07:16,436 - violet. 315 00:07:16,469 --> 00:07:18,138 - oh, that's such 316 00:07:16,469 --> 00:07:18,138 A pretty name. 317 00:07:18,171 --> 00:07:21,410 - oh, well, 318 00:07:18,171 --> 00:07:21,410 It's yours if you want it. 319 00:07:21,410 --> 00:07:22,609 - ah, chris. 320 00:07:21,410 --> 00:07:22,609 Oh, my god. You're here. 321 00:07:22,642 --> 00:07:24,110 - of course. 322 00:07:24,144 --> 00:07:25,812 I'm not gonna miss the birth 323 00:07:24,144 --> 00:07:25,812 Of my goddaughter. 324 00:07:25,845 --> 00:07:27,470 Hi. 325 00:07:27,470 --> 00:07:29,883 - hey, you know, 326 00:07:27,470 --> 00:07:29,883 I can palm her head. 327 00:07:29,916 --> 00:07:31,785 I'm not going to, 328 00:07:29,916 --> 00:07:31,785 But isn't that messed up 329 00:07:31,818 --> 00:07:33,953 That was my first instinct? 330 00:07:34,540 --> 00:07:35,455 - is sage coming? 331 00:07:35,488 --> 00:07:38,258 - no. 332 00:07:35,488 --> 00:07:38,258 Uh, actually, we broke up. 333 00:07:38,291 --> 00:07:39,459 - [gasps] Oh, no. 334 00:07:38,291 --> 00:07:39,459 - oh, my god. 335 00:07:39,492 --> 00:07:40,794 - really? 336 00:07:39,492 --> 00:07:40,794 - yeah. 337 00:07:40,827 --> 00:07:42,620 The distance made it hard, 338 00:07:40,827 --> 00:07:42,620 You know. 339 00:07:42,950 --> 00:07:44,297 Oh, but there's this girl 340 00:07:42,950 --> 00:07:44,297 At school 341 00:07:44,330 --> 00:07:45,932 That I really like. 342 00:07:45,965 --> 00:07:48,468 She's named sheila. 343 00:07:45,965 --> 00:07:48,468 She's tall and smart. 344 00:07:48,501 --> 00:07:50,136 And she challenges me, 345 00:07:48,501 --> 00:07:50,136 You know. 346 00:07:50,170 --> 00:07:52,572 But I feel like maybe she's 347 00:07:50,170 --> 00:07:52,572 A little out of my league. 348 00:07:52,605 --> 00:07:56,760 - oh, my god. 349 00:07:52,605 --> 00:07:56,760 She's super smoking hot. 350 00:07:56,760 --> 00:07:58,780 - should I go for it? 351 00:07:58,780 --> 00:07:59,679 - uh, yeah, definitely. 352 00:07:59,713 --> 00:08:00,914 I will not be 353 00:07:59,713 --> 00:08:00,914 Your friend anymore 354 00:08:01,140 --> 00:08:02,449 If you do not go 355 00:08:01,140 --> 00:08:02,449 After her, okay? 356 00:08:02,482 --> 00:08:05,218 This is your one shot 357 00:08:02,482 --> 00:08:05,218 At happiness. 358 00:08:05,251 --> 00:08:06,886 - gary. 359 00:08:06,920 --> 00:08:09,220 - baby, it's just 360 00:08:06,920 --> 00:08:09,220 A quick appointment, all right? 361 00:08:09,220 --> 00:08:10,857 You'll be fine... 362 00:08:10,890 --> 00:08:13,126 As soon as they sell me 363 00:08:10,890 --> 00:08:13,126 That damn window bed. 364 00:08:13,159 --> 00:08:14,494 - not gonna happen. 365 00:08:14,527 --> 00:08:15,662 - I'll give you 366 00:08:14,527 --> 00:08:15,662 1,000 bucks for it. 367 00:08:15,695 --> 00:08:18,698 - you, out. 368 00:08:18,732 --> 00:08:19,799 - [laughs] 369 00:08:19,832 --> 00:08:24,504 You thought I was hot. 370 00:08:24,537 --> 00:08:27,907 - it was an old phone. 371 00:08:24,537 --> 00:08:27,907 The resolution was terrible. 372 00:08:27,941 --> 00:08:30,210 - you think of me often, 373 00:08:27,941 --> 00:08:30,210 Don't you? 374 00:08:30,243 --> 00:08:32,946 - get away from me. 375 00:08:30,243 --> 00:08:32,946 All right? 376 00:08:33,460 --> 00:08:35,148 - see, you insisted 377 00:08:33,460 --> 00:08:35,148 That I go out with her. 378 00:08:35,181 --> 00:08:38,840 - nick, do you-- 379 00:08:35,181 --> 00:08:38,840 Do you like my hair up? 380 00:08:38,118 --> 00:08:39,652 - no. 381 00:08:38,118 --> 00:08:39,652 - or do you prefer it down? 382 00:08:39,686 --> 00:08:41,654 - okay. 383 00:08:39,686 --> 00:08:41,654 All right. 384 00:08:41,688 --> 00:08:43,323 Hey, hey, ernie, ernie, will you 385 00:08:41,688 --> 00:08:43,323 Please say your first word 386 00:08:43,356 --> 00:08:44,724 So that she will leave, huh? 387 00:08:44,758 --> 00:08:45,859 "Daddy." 388 00:08:45,892 --> 00:08:48,661 "Cave monster." 389 00:08:56,236 --> 00:08:57,704 - damn. 390 00:08:57,737 --> 00:08:59,539 Sage is not on facebook. 391 00:08:57,737 --> 00:08:59,539 - that's too bad. 392 00:08:59,572 --> 00:09:01,700 I've always wondered 393 00:08:59,572 --> 00:09:01,700 What happened to her. 394 00:09:01,700 --> 00:09:02,242 - you know, 395 00:09:01,700 --> 00:09:02,242 A lot of people don't change 396 00:09:02,275 --> 00:09:03,777 Their email address. 397 00:09:02,275 --> 00:09:03,777 What was hers? 398 00:09:03,810 --> 00:09:06,513 - sageloveschris@hotmail.Com. 399 00:09:06,546 --> 00:09:08,140 - I'm just gonna 400 00:09:06,546 --> 00:09:08,140 Try "Sage williams 401 00:09:08,140 --> 00:09:10,283 At a bunch of different things 402 00:09:08,140 --> 00:09:10,283 Dot-com." 403 00:09:10,316 --> 00:09:13,553 - there we go. 404 00:09:10,316 --> 00:09:13,553 Now, that is a birthday present. 405 00:09:13,586 --> 00:09:15,321 - that is sweet. 406 00:09:15,355 --> 00:09:17,230 But what else 407 00:09:15,355 --> 00:09:17,230 Are you getting marny? 408 00:09:17,570 --> 00:09:20,260 - you think I should get 409 00:09:17,570 --> 00:09:20,260 My tooth fixed? 410 00:09:20,260 --> 00:09:21,327 - why don't you want to? 411 00:09:21,361 --> 00:09:23,290 I was there 412 00:09:21,361 --> 00:09:23,290 When you got it chipped-- 413 00:09:23,630 --> 00:09:24,764 Not your finest moment. 414 00:09:24,798 --> 00:09:26,320 - no, it was not. 415 00:09:26,660 --> 00:09:28,568 But, god, you smelled great. 416 00:09:26,660 --> 00:09:28,568 - yeah. 417 00:09:28,601 --> 00:09:32,505 I was a c.K. One man 418 00:09:28,601 --> 00:09:32,505 Back then. 419 00:09:32,539 --> 00:09:35,675 C.K. One all day, every day. 420 00:09:35,709 --> 00:09:38,440 [chuckles] 421 00:09:38,440 --> 00:09:40,180 [imitates cologne spraying] 422 00:09:42,215 --> 00:09:44,884 - marny, thanks for having us 423 00:09:42,215 --> 00:09:44,884 Over for dinner. 424 00:09:44,918 --> 00:09:46,720 We really should be having 425 00:09:44,918 --> 00:09:46,720 You over, 426 00:09:46,753 --> 00:09:48,254 Since you found us an apartment 427 00:09:46,753 --> 00:09:48,254 In your building, 428 00:09:48,288 --> 00:09:50,590 But we don't have 429 00:09:48,288 --> 00:09:50,590 Any furniture. 430 00:09:50,623 --> 00:09:52,580 We're house-poor. 431 00:09:52,920 --> 00:09:53,860 - no, we are poor-poor. 432 00:09:53,893 --> 00:09:57,731 We are stealing-toilet-paper 433 00:09:53,893 --> 00:09:57,731 From-work poor. 434 00:09:57,764 --> 00:09:59,132 - yeah. 435 00:09:59,165 --> 00:10:00,266 - [russian accent] 436 00:09:59,165 --> 00:10:00,266 The boys are asleep. 437 00:10:00,300 --> 00:10:02,680 Do not disturb them. 438 00:10:02,102 --> 00:10:04,804 You're doing that wrong. 439 00:10:04,838 --> 00:10:07,707 - oksana was chief of police 440 00:10:04,838 --> 00:10:07,707 In her village. 441 00:10:07,741 --> 00:10:08,975 [knock on door] 442 00:10:09,900 --> 00:10:10,610 - oh, that must be 443 00:10:09,900 --> 00:10:10,610 Your friend. 444 00:10:10,643 --> 00:10:12,145 - [gasps] 445 00:10:10,643 --> 00:10:12,145 - oh. 446 00:10:12,178 --> 00:10:13,747 - we finally get to meet 447 00:10:12,178 --> 00:10:13,747 Chris' new girlfriend. 448 00:10:13,780 --> 00:10:15,548 We are just gonna love her. 449 00:10:13,780 --> 00:10:15,548 I can feel it. 450 00:10:15,582 --> 00:10:17,751 - me too. 451 00:10:15,582 --> 00:10:17,751 Yeah! 452 00:10:17,784 --> 00:10:21,788 - yay, sheila! 453 00:10:17,784 --> 00:10:21,788 - hey. 454 00:10:21,821 --> 00:10:24,624 - and chris. 455 00:10:21,821 --> 00:10:24,624 - come here. 456 00:10:24,657 --> 00:10:27,761 - oh, hi. 457 00:10:24,657 --> 00:10:27,761 So friendly. 458 00:10:27,794 --> 00:10:28,928 - hi. 459 00:10:27,794 --> 00:10:28,928 I'm marny. 460 00:10:28,962 --> 00:10:30,630 - hi. 461 00:10:28,962 --> 00:10:30,630 Thank you for having us. 462 00:10:30,663 --> 00:10:32,766 - oh. 463 00:10:30,663 --> 00:10:32,766 She brings booze. 464 00:10:32,799 --> 00:10:35,769 - ooh, I think we are going 465 00:10:32,799 --> 00:10:35,769 To have a lot in common. 466 00:10:35,802 --> 00:10:37,904 - it's from 467 00:10:35,802 --> 00:10:37,904 My father's vineyard in france. 468 00:10:37,937 --> 00:10:40,140 You're gonna want to pair it 469 00:10:37,937 --> 00:10:40,140 With a north pacific fish. 470 00:10:40,173 --> 00:10:43,743 - maybe not as much in common 471 00:10:40,173 --> 00:10:43,743 As I thought. 472 00:10:43,777 --> 00:10:45,879 - um, do you have a decanter? 473 00:10:45,912 --> 00:10:48,882 - I don't have a couch. 474 00:10:48,915 --> 00:10:52,619 - look, I don't care 475 00:10:48,915 --> 00:10:52,619 If the congregation is down 80%. 476 00:10:52,652 --> 00:10:53,987 It's a two-year lease. 477 00:10:54,200 --> 00:10:55,655 Well, then they better 478 00:10:54,200 --> 00:10:55,655 Start praying. 479 00:10:55,689 --> 00:10:56,956 [scoffs] 480 00:10:56,990 --> 00:10:59,292 - gary, we have guests. 481 00:10:59,325 --> 00:11:01,628 - hey. Gary. 482 00:10:59,325 --> 00:11:01,628 Nice to meet you. 483 00:11:01,661 --> 00:11:03,129 - we've actually met before. 484 00:11:03,163 --> 00:11:06,399 - nah, I don't think so. 485 00:11:06,433 --> 00:11:07,634 How are you? 486 00:11:06,433 --> 00:11:07,634 - hi. 487 00:11:07,667 --> 00:11:09,336 - nice to meet you. 488 00:11:07,667 --> 00:11:09,336 - good. 489 00:11:09,369 --> 00:11:11,338 - uh, why is my football 490 00:11:09,369 --> 00:11:11,338 Out of its case? 491 00:11:11,371 --> 00:11:13,606 - I don't know. 492 00:11:11,371 --> 00:11:13,606 I'm new here. 493 00:11:13,640 --> 00:11:15,408 - the boys were play 494 00:11:13,640 --> 00:11:15,408 With it. 495 00:11:15,442 --> 00:11:17,911 - yeah, all right, 496 00:11:15,442 --> 00:11:17,911 This is signed by the '69 jets. 497 00:11:17,944 --> 00:11:19,813 This cost me $5,000. 498 00:11:19,846 --> 00:11:23,283 - well, that's just stupid. 499 00:11:23,316 --> 00:11:25,652 Where are you going? 500 00:11:25,685 --> 00:11:27,454 - I'm going to say 501 00:11:25,685 --> 00:11:27,454 Good night to my boys. 502 00:11:27,487 --> 00:11:29,856 - they're already sleeping. 503 00:11:27,487 --> 00:11:29,856 - so? 504 00:11:29,889 --> 00:11:32,158 - so, if you want to see them, 505 00:11:32,192 --> 00:11:35,995 Why don't you come home 506 00:11:32,192 --> 00:11:35,995 Early for once? 507 00:11:36,960 --> 00:11:37,230 - you know, we really 508 00:11:36,960 --> 00:11:37,230 Should look 509 00:11:37,263 --> 00:11:38,832 Into getting one 510 00:11:37,263 --> 00:11:38,832 Of these nannies, huh? 511 00:11:38,865 --> 00:11:40,100 Really warms up a home. 512 00:11:40,133 --> 00:11:41,334 - excuse me? 513 00:11:41,368 --> 00:11:42,702 I do see my boys. 514 00:11:42,736 --> 00:11:44,104 - gary. 515 00:11:42,736 --> 00:11:44,104 [chuckles nervously] 516 00:11:44,137 --> 00:11:46,806 Could we not get 517 00:11:44,137 --> 00:11:46,806 Into this again? 518 00:11:46,840 --> 00:11:48,808 - yes, you see them... 519 00:11:48,842 --> 00:11:50,310 When you're on your phone. 520 00:11:50,343 --> 00:11:52,979 And then you shush them. 521 00:11:53,130 --> 00:11:57,170 You make me want to "Womit." 522 00:11:57,117 --> 00:11:58,184 - there's the "V" thing. 523 00:11:58,218 --> 00:12:01,187 - it is very amusing. 524 00:11:58,218 --> 00:12:01,187 - yeah. 525 00:12:01,221 --> 00:12:04,224 - take that, and why don't 526 00:12:01,221 --> 00:12:04,224 You get your stuff and get out? 527 00:12:04,257 --> 00:12:05,258 - no, no, no, no. 528 00:12:05,291 --> 00:12:07,727 No, no, oksana. 529 00:12:05,291 --> 00:12:07,727 [laughs] 530 00:12:07,761 --> 00:12:09,729 Oksana, gary doesn't mean that. 531 00:12:07,761 --> 00:12:09,729 - no, no. Yes, I do. 532 00:12:09,763 --> 00:12:11,640 - no, no, no, you don't. 533 00:12:09,763 --> 00:12:11,640 - yes. 534 00:12:11,640 --> 00:12:12,899 - I cannot stay home 535 00:12:11,640 --> 00:12:12,899 From work tomorrow. 536 00:12:12,932 --> 00:12:15,735 I have a huge presentation. 537 00:12:12,932 --> 00:12:15,735 Who's gonna watch the kids? 538 00:12:15,769 --> 00:12:17,303 - I'll do it. 539 00:12:17,337 --> 00:12:19,720 - you'regonna watch 540 00:12:17,337 --> 00:12:19,720 The kids? 541 00:12:19,105 --> 00:12:20,974 - hell, I made the babies. 542 00:12:19,105 --> 00:12:20,974 I can watch the babies. 543 00:12:21,740 --> 00:12:22,942 All right? 544 00:12:22,976 --> 00:12:25,145 I'll watch 'em 545 00:12:22,976 --> 00:12:25,145 Until we find somebody new. 546 00:12:25,178 --> 00:12:29,820 - so, just to be clear, 547 00:12:25,178 --> 00:12:29,820 You're firing me? 548 00:12:29,820 --> 00:12:32,252 - yes. 549 00:12:29,820 --> 00:12:32,252 You are fired. 550 00:12:35,155 --> 00:12:37,524 - oh! 551 00:12:35,155 --> 00:12:37,524 - [smooches] 552 00:12:37,557 --> 00:12:39,759 - oh, that crazy broad 553 00:12:37,557 --> 00:12:39,759 Chipped my tooth! 554 00:12:39,793 --> 00:12:42,228 Look at that! 555 00:12:39,793 --> 00:12:42,228 [front door closes] 556 00:12:42,262 --> 00:12:46,800 - promise me we are never 557 00:12:42,262 --> 00:12:46,800 Coming here again. 558 00:12:47,767 --> 00:12:49,235 Oh, I'm so thirsty. 559 00:12:49,269 --> 00:12:50,770 I had to run up 560 00:12:49,269 --> 00:12:50,770 To my apartment. 561 00:12:50,804 --> 00:12:54,374 - we have water. 562 00:12:50,804 --> 00:12:54,374 - oh, no, thank you. 563 00:12:54,407 --> 00:12:56,509 Ernie didn't say anything 564 00:12:54,407 --> 00:12:56,509 While I was gone, did he? 565 00:12:56,543 --> 00:12:57,777 - actually, he did. 566 00:12:57,811 --> 00:12:59,112 As soon as you left, 567 00:12:57,811 --> 00:12:59,112 He said, 568 00:12:59,145 --> 00:13:01,414 [high-pitched voice] 569 00:12:59,145 --> 00:13:01,414 "Thank god." 570 00:13:01,448 --> 00:13:02,916 - see, now, nick, I can't tell 571 00:13:02,949 --> 00:13:05,785 If you're flirting 572 00:13:02,949 --> 00:13:05,785 With me or not? 573 00:13:05,819 --> 00:13:07,530 - you know, 574 00:13:05,819 --> 00:13:07,530 This is not my fault. 575 00:13:07,870 --> 00:13:08,421 I am positive 576 00:13:07,870 --> 00:13:08,421 That I told you 577 00:13:08,455 --> 00:13:10,900 As soon as 578 00:13:08,455 --> 00:13:10,900 You guys started dating 579 00:13:10,123 --> 00:13:11,791 That she was not 580 00:13:10,123 --> 00:13:11,791 The right girl for you, 581 00:13:11,825 --> 00:13:13,393 And you didn't listen to me, 582 00:13:11,825 --> 00:13:13,393 So that's it, okay? 583 00:13:13,426 --> 00:13:15,462 Conversation over. 584 00:13:15,495 --> 00:13:19,299 - you know, it wasn't exactly 585 00:13:15,495 --> 00:13:19,299 As soon as we started dating. 586 00:13:21,301 --> 00:13:24,471 And I vow to work 587 00:13:21,301 --> 00:13:24,471 On my listening every day 588 00:13:24,504 --> 00:13:27,240 And, uh, to take 589 00:13:24,504 --> 00:13:27,240 A shower before bed 590 00:13:27,273 --> 00:13:31,378 And to stop wearing 591 00:13:27,273 --> 00:13:31,378 Baseball caps because... 592 00:13:31,411 --> 00:13:34,800 - [whispering] 593 00:13:31,411 --> 00:13:34,800 Because you're not six. 594 00:13:34,800 --> 00:13:38,318 - because I'm not six. 595 00:13:38,351 --> 00:13:39,786 - and, sheila? 596 00:13:39,819 --> 00:13:43,890 - no, I'm good. 597 00:13:43,123 --> 00:13:44,457 - do you have the rings? 598 00:13:44,491 --> 00:13:47,293 - ah! Ah! 599 00:13:44,491 --> 00:13:47,293 No. 600 00:13:47,327 --> 00:13:49,429 Ah, I think I forgot them 601 00:13:47,327 --> 00:13:49,429 In the dressing room. 602 00:13:49,462 --> 00:13:53,299 Chris, will you help me 603 00:13:49,462 --> 00:13:53,299 Find them, please? 604 00:13:53,333 --> 00:13:55,468 I'm just gonna get this guy 605 00:13:53,333 --> 00:13:55,468 A tongue scraper, 606 00:13:55,502 --> 00:14:00,840 'cause I want him to really 607 00:13:55,502 --> 00:14:00,840 Go for it at the end there. 608 00:14:00,874 --> 00:14:03,209 - where do you think 609 00:14:00,874 --> 00:14:03,209 You might have left it? Like-- 610 00:14:03,243 --> 00:14:04,511 - you cannot marry her, man. 611 00:14:04,544 --> 00:14:06,246 She is not the right girl 612 00:14:04,544 --> 00:14:06,246 For you, okay? 613 00:14:06,279 --> 00:14:07,814 Let's cash in 614 00:14:06,279 --> 00:14:07,814 Your honeymoon tickets. 615 00:14:07,847 --> 00:14:09,820 We'll go to new orleans. 616 00:14:09,115 --> 00:14:10,150 We'll tear it up 617 00:14:09,115 --> 00:14:10,150 For a little bit, 618 00:14:10,183 --> 00:14:11,251 Forget this whole thing 619 00:14:11,284 --> 00:14:13,860 Ever happened. 620 00:14:11,284 --> 00:14:13,860 - huh? 621 00:14:13,119 --> 00:14:15,622 - I'll even let you go on 622 00:14:13,119 --> 00:14:15,622 The anne rice tour this time. 623 00:14:15,655 --> 00:14:17,157 - what are you talking about? 624 00:14:17,190 --> 00:14:19,159 - you cannot go through 625 00:14:17,190 --> 00:14:19,159 With this, okay? 626 00:14:19,192 --> 00:14:21,494 She is changing you. 627 00:14:19,192 --> 00:14:21,494 - no, she's not. 628 00:14:21,528 --> 00:14:23,430 - look at you! 629 00:14:21,528 --> 00:14:23,430 She's got you wearing a kilt. 630 00:14:23,463 --> 00:14:25,432 She's not even scottish. 631 00:14:25,465 --> 00:14:28,435 - it's from our favorite movie, 632 00:14:25,465 --> 00:14:28,435 four weddings and a funeral. 633 00:14:28,468 --> 00:14:31,710 - that is not 634 00:14:28,468 --> 00:14:31,710 Your favorite movie! 635 00:14:31,710 --> 00:14:34,607 Your favorite movie 636 00:14:31,710 --> 00:14:34,607 is what about bob? 637 00:14:34,641 --> 00:14:36,109 - what are you doing, man? 638 00:14:36,142 --> 00:14:37,310 You're supposed to be 639 00:14:36,142 --> 00:14:37,310 My best friend. 640 00:14:37,344 --> 00:14:38,978 - I am your best friend, okay? 641 00:14:39,790 --> 00:14:40,280 This is a battle 642 00:14:39,790 --> 00:14:40,280 For your soul. 643 00:14:40,313 --> 00:14:44,217 This is good versus evil, 644 00:14:40,313 --> 00:14:44,217 And I am not gonna let her win. 645 00:14:44,250 --> 00:14:45,885 - nick, I'm getting married. 646 00:14:45,919 --> 00:14:48,880 - to the wrong person, okay? 647 00:14:48,880 --> 00:14:51,358 And I tracked down sage. 648 00:14:48,880 --> 00:14:51,358 I got her number. 649 00:14:51,391 --> 00:14:53,393 You should call her. 650 00:14:51,391 --> 00:14:53,393 - wow. Okay. 651 00:14:53,426 --> 00:14:55,950 You know what? 652 00:14:53,426 --> 00:14:55,950 Listen. 653 00:14:55,950 --> 00:14:57,970 I'm not calling her. 654 00:14:55,950 --> 00:14:57,970 Give me the rings. 655 00:14:57,970 --> 00:14:58,198 - no. 656 00:14:58,231 --> 00:14:59,899 - give me--give me-- 657 00:14:58,231 --> 00:14:59,899 - no. 658 00:14:59,933 --> 00:15:01,101 Give me them. Give me-- 659 00:14:59,933 --> 00:15:01,101 - you're not gonna get 'em. 660 00:15:01,134 --> 00:15:02,602 I'm not gonna give them 661 00:15:01,134 --> 00:15:02,602 To you. 662 00:15:02,635 --> 00:15:04,137 - don't--okay. 663 00:15:02,635 --> 00:15:04,137 You know what? 664 00:15:04,170 --> 00:15:05,572 - [grunts] 665 00:15:05,605 --> 00:15:09,750 No! No! 666 00:15:05,605 --> 00:15:09,750 Oh, god! 667 00:15:09,109 --> 00:15:10,343 No! 668 00:15:10,377 --> 00:15:13,880 God, I am both revolted by 669 00:15:10,377 --> 00:15:13,880 And grateful for 670 00:15:13,913 --> 00:15:16,950 How much hair 671 00:15:13,913 --> 00:15:16,950 I'm looking at right now. 672 00:15:20,687 --> 00:15:22,922 - did you get the rings? 673 00:15:22,956 --> 00:15:24,557 - yeah, right here. 674 00:15:22,956 --> 00:15:24,557 Let's get 'er done. 675 00:15:24,591 --> 00:15:27,600 Oh, right. 676 00:15:24,591 --> 00:15:27,600 Right, right. 677 00:15:27,930 --> 00:15:30,296 I just vowed 678 00:15:27,930 --> 00:15:30,296 I would never say that again. 679 00:15:32,265 --> 00:15:35,168 - oh, and just so you know, 680 00:15:35,201 --> 00:15:37,270 I overheard all of that. 681 00:15:37,303 --> 00:15:38,605 - sheila, I was-- 682 00:15:37,303 --> 00:15:38,605 - no. 683 00:15:38,638 --> 00:15:40,273 You know what? 684 00:15:38,638 --> 00:15:40,273 It's good. 685 00:15:40,306 --> 00:15:43,109 I'm glad that we can now 686 00:15:40,306 --> 00:15:43,109 Openly hate one another. 687 00:15:43,143 --> 00:15:47,800 - really? 688 00:15:43,143 --> 00:15:47,800 Oh, um, okay. 689 00:15:47,113 --> 00:15:51,584 Then how many highlanders 690 00:15:47,113 --> 00:15:51,584 Have you killed this century? 691 00:15:51,618 --> 00:15:54,870 - yeah, well, get your shots in 692 00:15:51,618 --> 00:15:54,870 While you can. 693 00:15:54,120 --> 00:15:55,955 Not only are chris and I 694 00:15:54,120 --> 00:15:55,955 Getting married, 695 00:15:55,989 --> 00:15:58,324 But I've also arranged 696 00:15:55,989 --> 00:15:58,324 For both of us to have jobs 697 00:15:58,358 --> 00:15:59,492 In san francisco. 698 00:15:59,526 --> 00:16:02,495 You will be out of our lives. 699 00:16:02,529 --> 00:16:04,631 I win. 700 00:16:07,467 --> 00:16:09,350 - what happened? 701 00:16:09,350 --> 00:16:10,437 - I lost. 702 00:16:10,470 --> 00:16:13,139 Yeah, I just lost 703 00:16:10,470 --> 00:16:13,139 My best friend. 704 00:16:13,173 --> 00:16:16,409 And my parting image of him 705 00:16:13,173 --> 00:16:16,409 Is of his junk. 706 00:16:27,420 --> 00:16:29,422 - you don't know 707 00:16:27,420 --> 00:16:29,422 The sex of your twins yet. 708 00:16:29,456 --> 00:16:31,491 Are you sure you want to give me 709 00:16:29,456 --> 00:16:31,491 All your boy stuff? 710 00:16:31,524 --> 00:16:33,590 - absolutely. 711 00:16:33,590 --> 00:16:37,430 I know in my heart 712 00:16:33,590 --> 00:16:37,430 These twins are not boys. 713 00:16:38,531 --> 00:16:40,333 God wouldn't do that to me. 714 00:16:40,367 --> 00:16:42,402 [knock on door] 715 00:16:43,603 --> 00:16:46,373 - hey. 716 00:16:43,603 --> 00:16:46,373 - hey. 717 00:16:46,406 --> 00:16:50,343 - oh, my god. 718 00:16:46,406 --> 00:16:50,343 Chris. 719 00:16:50,377 --> 00:16:53,246 It's been forever. 720 00:16:50,377 --> 00:16:53,246 - hey, em. 721 00:16:53,279 --> 00:16:56,349 - it's been three years-- 722 00:16:53,279 --> 00:16:56,349 Not that I've noticed. 723 00:16:56,383 --> 00:16:58,952 - who is this? 724 00:16:56,383 --> 00:16:58,952 - this is ernie. 725 00:16:58,985 --> 00:17:01,210 - you have a baby. 726 00:16:58,985 --> 00:17:01,210 - yeah. 727 00:17:01,540 --> 00:17:03,289 - [gasps] 728 00:17:01,540 --> 00:17:03,289 - and he's your godson. 729 00:17:03,323 --> 00:17:06,291 - sheila let us be 730 00:17:03,323 --> 00:17:06,291 His godparents? 731 00:17:06,326 --> 00:17:09,290 - we're getting divorced. 732 00:17:06,326 --> 00:17:09,290 - whoa. You okay? 733 00:17:09,619 --> 00:17:10,163 - yeah, I'm okay. 734 00:17:10,195 --> 00:17:12,319 - well, then come on in. 735 00:17:12,650 --> 00:17:14,200 Oh, my goodness. 736 00:17:14,233 --> 00:17:15,935 Oh. 737 00:17:14,233 --> 00:17:15,935 - oh. 738 00:17:16,359 --> 00:17:17,671 She wasn't the one for me, man. 739 00:17:16,359 --> 00:17:17,671 You were right. 740 00:17:17,704 --> 00:17:20,205 - what was that? 741 00:17:20,240 --> 00:17:21,407 - you were right. 742 00:17:21,441 --> 00:17:23,276 - I'm sorry. 743 00:17:21,441 --> 00:17:23,276 One more time. 744 00:17:23,309 --> 00:17:25,345 - you were right. 745 00:17:25,377 --> 00:17:28,682 - okay, in a spanish accent. 746 00:17:28,715 --> 00:17:30,684 - [spanish accent] 747 00:17:28,715 --> 00:17:30,684 You were right. 748 00:17:30,717 --> 00:17:32,519 - hello, ernie. 749 00:17:32,552 --> 00:17:33,720 I am nick. 750 00:17:33,753 --> 00:17:35,388 I have so many photos 751 00:17:33,753 --> 00:17:35,388 To show you 752 00:17:35,422 --> 00:17:37,190 Of your dad passed out 753 00:17:35,422 --> 00:17:37,190 With obscenities 754 00:17:37,223 --> 00:17:39,693 Written on his forehead. 755 00:17:39,726 --> 00:17:41,661 - hey, how you doing, man? 756 00:17:39,726 --> 00:17:41,661 I'm gary. 757 00:17:41,695 --> 00:17:45,265 Nice to meet you. 758 00:17:41,695 --> 00:17:45,265 Heard a lot about you. 759 00:17:45,298 --> 00:17:47,734 - yeah, we've actually met, 760 00:17:45,298 --> 00:17:47,734 Like, three times now. 761 00:17:47,767 --> 00:17:51,638 - no. I don't think 762 00:17:47,767 --> 00:17:51,638 That's right. 763 00:17:51,671 --> 00:17:53,406 - where are you staying? 764 00:17:53,440 --> 00:17:55,275 - I'm living in a hotel 765 00:17:53,440 --> 00:17:55,275 While I look for a place. 766 00:17:55,308 --> 00:17:57,770 - you know, 767 00:17:55,308 --> 00:17:57,770 A place actually just opened up 768 00:17:57,110 --> 00:17:59,112 In this building. 769 00:17:57,110 --> 00:17:59,112 - aha! 770 00:17:59,145 --> 00:18:00,647 And then you told me 771 00:17:59,145 --> 00:18:00,647 That there was an opening 772 00:18:00,680 --> 00:18:02,349 In this building 773 00:18:00,680 --> 00:18:02,349 And that I should move in here, 774 00:18:02,382 --> 00:18:03,683 And then sheila 775 00:18:02,382 --> 00:18:03,683 Followed me here. 776 00:18:03,717 --> 00:18:05,318 So, once again, 777 00:18:03,717 --> 00:18:05,318 It's your fault 778 00:18:05,352 --> 00:18:07,870 That we're all stuck together. 779 00:18:07,120 --> 00:18:11,910 - no, no, no, no, no. 780 00:18:07,120 --> 00:18:11,910 This cannot be my fault, okay? 781 00:18:11,124 --> 00:18:15,362 I-I just have to think 782 00:18:11,124 --> 00:18:15,362 About this for a second. 783 00:18:15,395 --> 00:18:18,231 Okay, it's not my fault. 784 00:18:15,395 --> 00:18:18,231 It's not chris' fault. 785 00:18:18,264 --> 00:18:20,633 Okay? 786 00:18:18,264 --> 00:18:20,633 It's his fault! 787 00:18:20,667 --> 00:18:23,503 Yes! 788 00:18:20,667 --> 00:18:23,503 Yeah! 789 00:18:23,536 --> 00:18:25,505 Yeah, you two would've 790 00:18:23,536 --> 00:18:25,505 Never seen each other again 791 00:18:25,538 --> 00:18:27,340 If you hadn't had 792 00:18:25,538 --> 00:18:27,340 A child together. 793 00:18:27,374 --> 00:18:28,775 - oh, we're allowed 794 00:18:27,374 --> 00:18:28,775 To blame children? 795 00:18:28,808 --> 00:18:30,477 Oh, okay. 796 00:18:30,510 --> 00:18:32,712 In that case, I never would 797 00:18:30,510 --> 00:18:32,712 Have gone to law school, 798 00:18:32,746 --> 00:18:35,548 Hence, meeting meeting sheila, 799 00:18:32,746 --> 00:18:35,548 Hence, copulating with sheila, 800 00:18:35,582 --> 00:18:37,384 If emily hadn't gotten 801 00:18:35,582 --> 00:18:37,384 Knocked up with violet. 802 00:18:37,417 --> 00:18:38,718 It's violet's fault. 803 00:18:38,752 --> 00:18:41,121 - yay. 804 00:18:41,154 --> 00:18:42,422 - oh, oh, I know. 805 00:18:42,455 --> 00:18:43,723 We should blame emily 806 00:18:43,757 --> 00:18:47,660 For going to colgate 807 00:18:43,757 --> 00:18:47,660 And being so easy. 808 00:18:52,565 --> 00:18:55,168 - all right, 809 00:18:52,565 --> 00:18:55,168 I'll take the blame. 810 00:18:56,690 --> 00:18:57,370 [computer beeps] 811 00:18:57,404 --> 00:18:59,720 [gasps] 812 00:18:57,404 --> 00:18:59,720 But I'm gonna fix it. 813 00:18:59,105 --> 00:19:01,474 It's an email 814 00:18:59,105 --> 00:19:01,474 From sage williams. 815 00:19:01,508 --> 00:19:02,676 - oh! 816 00:19:02,709 --> 00:19:04,177 - what does it say? 817 00:19:02,709 --> 00:19:04,177 Open it. 818 00:19:04,210 --> 00:19:06,713 - okay, well, 819 00:19:04,210 --> 00:19:06,713 This sage williams is a man. 820 00:19:06,746 --> 00:19:08,882 Hmm. 821 00:19:08,915 --> 00:19:12,752 He is interesting 822 00:19:08,915 --> 00:19:12,752 In meeting, and... 823 00:19:12,786 --> 00:19:16,589 Would you like to see 824 00:19:12,786 --> 00:19:16,589 A picture of him naked? 825 00:19:16,623 --> 00:19:17,824 - no, thank you. 826 00:19:17,857 --> 00:19:20,360 - well, what's the harm? 827 00:19:20,393 --> 00:19:21,628 [breathes deeply] 828 00:19:21,661 --> 00:19:24,798 That's the harm. 829 00:19:24,831 --> 00:19:26,733 - you know, I didn't think 830 00:19:24,831 --> 00:19:26,733 I would be, but... 831 00:19:26,766 --> 00:19:28,568 I'm actually disappointed. 832 00:19:28,601 --> 00:19:32,172 - oh, you two 833 00:19:28,601 --> 00:19:32,172 Are such dummies. 834 00:19:32,205 --> 00:19:33,373 - what? 835 00:19:33,406 --> 00:19:34,874 - when you were trying 836 00:19:33,406 --> 00:19:34,874 To give 837 00:19:34,908 --> 00:19:37,777 My ex-husband his 838 00:19:34,908 --> 00:19:37,777 Ex-girlfriend's phone number 839 00:19:37,811 --> 00:19:40,647 So that he would leave me 840 00:19:37,811 --> 00:19:40,647 At the altar... 841 00:19:40,680 --> 00:19:43,616 [sighs] 842 00:19:40,680 --> 00:19:43,616 What were you wearing? 843 00:19:44,951 --> 00:19:49,189 - chris' junk on my forehead. 844 00:19:49,222 --> 00:19:50,824 My tuxedo! 845 00:19:50,857 --> 00:19:52,625 Yes! 846 00:19:52,659 --> 00:19:54,194 Never had it cleaned! 847 00:19:54,227 --> 00:19:57,197 - yeah, factored that in. 848 00:19:57,230 --> 00:19:59,299 - oh. 849 00:20:00,233 --> 00:20:02,369 - go. 850 00:20:00,233 --> 00:20:02,369 Call her. 851 00:20:04,371 --> 00:20:06,206 - you know, sheila, 852 00:20:04,371 --> 00:20:06,206 What you just did-- 853 00:20:06,239 --> 00:20:08,441 That was very nice of you. 854 00:20:08,475 --> 00:20:10,910 - oh, nick. 855 00:20:10,944 --> 00:20:13,813 Please get over me 856 00:20:10,944 --> 00:20:13,813 For the both of us. 857 00:20:16,750 --> 00:20:19,552 - hey, it's ringing. 858 00:20:19,586 --> 00:20:20,854 Sage? 859 00:20:20,887 --> 00:20:24,591 - sage. 860 00:20:24,624 --> 00:20:27,494 - he just said "Sage"! 861 00:20:24,624 --> 00:20:27,494 First word! 862 00:20:27,527 --> 00:20:30,296 - no! 863 00:20:31,464 --> 00:20:32,866 - oh. 864 00:20:32,899 --> 00:20:34,701 You can come over here 865 00:20:32,899 --> 00:20:34,701 Anytime you like, sheila. 866 00:20:34,734 --> 00:20:36,836 That was great. 867 00:20:41,708 --> 00:20:43,877 - surprise! 868 00:20:41,708 --> 00:20:43,877 [boys blow party horns] 869 00:20:43,910 --> 00:20:46,212 - happy birthday! 870 00:20:43,910 --> 00:20:46,212 - oh, thank you. 871 00:20:46,246 --> 00:20:49,249 - we made you cookies. 872 00:20:46,246 --> 00:20:49,249 - can we eat them? 873 00:20:49,282 --> 00:20:50,684 - sure. 874 00:20:50,717 --> 00:20:52,252 [laughs] 875 00:20:52,285 --> 00:20:54,254 And... 876 00:20:54,287 --> 00:20:56,256 [chuckles] 877 00:20:56,289 --> 00:20:58,258 Gary! 878 00:20:56,289 --> 00:20:58,258 - what? 879 00:20:58,291 --> 00:21:00,260 - you didn't get it fixed. 880 00:20:58,291 --> 00:21:00,260 - nope. 881 00:21:00,293 --> 00:21:01,861 - what about 882 00:21:00,293 --> 00:21:01,861 The new family photo? 883 00:21:01,895 --> 00:21:04,464 - well, I'm just gonna have 884 00:21:01,895 --> 00:21:04,464 To smile like this. 885 00:21:04,497 --> 00:21:07,267 Oh. 886 00:21:07,300 --> 00:21:08,835 - [laughs] 887 00:21:08,868 --> 00:21:11,838 You are ridiculous. 888 00:21:11,871 --> 00:21:15,175 But seriously, gary, 889 00:21:11,871 --> 00:21:15,175 Why won't you get this fixed? 890 00:21:15,208 --> 00:21:19,679 - because my tooth reminds me 891 00:21:15,208 --> 00:21:19,679 Of what a jerk I used to be. 892 00:21:19,713 --> 00:21:23,830 And if you think back, 893 00:21:19,713 --> 00:21:23,830 We're the family we are today 894 00:21:23,830 --> 00:21:26,720 Because of what happened 895 00:21:23,830 --> 00:21:26,720 That day. 896 00:21:26,753 --> 00:21:30,256 - I like us better today too. 897 00:21:30,290 --> 00:21:32,559 Truth is, oksana punching you 898 00:21:30,290 --> 00:21:32,559 In your grill 899 00:21:32,592 --> 00:21:33,560 Was the best thing 900 00:21:32,592 --> 00:21:33,560 That ever happened to you. 52450

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