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1
00:00:06,675 --> 00:00:09,469
Attend the tale of Dick Turpin,
2
00:00:09,469 --> 00:00:13,473
the most "legendariest" highwayman
Essex has ever known.
3
00:00:13,473 --> 00:00:17,644
He bravely battled
thieftakers, outwitted witches,
4
00:00:17,644 --> 00:00:21,856
and became a hero
to all who heard his name. Until...
5
00:00:21,856 --> 00:00:25,694
he was revealed to be a big, wimpy coward
6
00:00:25,694 --> 00:00:28,989
who hated Hempstead and hated all of you.
7
00:00:28,989 --> 00:00:30,574
Especially the women and children.
8
00:00:33,618 --> 00:00:34,911
Total lies.
9
00:00:34,911 --> 00:00:36,871
Dick loved women and children.
10
00:00:36,871 --> 00:00:38,206
And he never stood on us.
11
00:00:38,206 --> 00:00:39,624
I miss not being stood on.
12
00:00:39,624 --> 00:00:43,295
But fear not, for I, Tommy Silversides,
13
00:00:43,295 --> 00:00:46,423
am a true highwayman of the people.
14
00:00:47,132 --> 00:00:48,258
Don't touch me.
15
00:00:48,925 --> 00:00:49,926
See?
16
00:00:49,926 --> 00:00:52,304
Didn't take long
for them to turn on Turpin.
17
00:00:52,304 --> 00:00:54,389
They haven't turned on him.
18
00:00:54,389 --> 00:00:56,725
They're just distracted by that stupid,
19
00:00:57,642 --> 00:01:00,937
gorgeous, irresistible idiot, Tommy.
20
00:01:00,937 --> 00:01:03,231
And it's your job
to ensure they stay that way.
21
00:01:03,231 --> 00:01:06,276
And if I do,
promise me you won't kill him.
22
00:01:06,276 --> 00:01:08,570
- Yes. We've been over all this.
- Or torture him.
23
00:01:09,237 --> 00:01:11,865
Darling, it's a torture dungeon.
24
00:01:11,865 --> 00:01:14,200
There's bound to be a little torture.
25
00:01:14,200 --> 00:01:15,744
Promise me, Mum.
26
00:01:17,621 --> 00:01:20,749
I promise not to torture
or murder Dick Turpin.
27
00:01:21,249 --> 00:01:22,709
- Happy?
- Yes, thank you.
28
00:01:23,293 --> 00:01:26,379
I do miss
these mother-daughter bonding times.
29
00:01:28,215 --> 00:01:30,008
We should do a spa day.
30
00:01:31,218 --> 00:01:33,345
Guys, stop.
You're embarrassing me. No more.
31
00:01:34,387 --> 00:01:38,516
Three cheers
for our heroic new highwayman!
32
00:01:38,516 --> 00:01:41,102
- Hooray!
- You are too kind.
33
00:01:41,102 --> 00:01:43,980
Get out of here. Turn around.
Seriously, I hate being touched.
34
00:02:26,731 --> 00:02:28,066
Looks better already.
35
00:02:28,066 --> 00:02:30,902
Oh, knickers. Not you again.
36
00:02:30,902 --> 00:02:33,321
Geoffrey, you're my first visitor.
37
00:02:33,321 --> 00:02:35,490
Have you brought me a cake
with a file hidden inside it?
38
00:02:35,490 --> 00:02:37,826
Not for the bars.
Just my nails are out of control.
39
00:02:37,826 --> 00:02:39,494
I'm your guard.
40
00:02:39,494 --> 00:02:40,870
After all that witch malarkey,
41
00:02:40,870 --> 00:02:43,707
I went into the private sector
to get away from idiots like you,
42
00:02:43,707 --> 00:02:45,125
so this is just my luck.
43
00:02:45,125 --> 00:02:48,670
Geoffrey, I'm really glad you're here.
Is this definitely the cell booked for me?
44
00:02:48,670 --> 00:02:50,881
Not a more spacious one with an en suite?
45
00:02:50,881 --> 00:02:52,924
There is an en suite.
That bucket over there. Look.
46
00:02:52,924 --> 00:02:56,928
When it rains, the ceiling leaks
so, you know, that's basically a shower.
47
00:02:56,928 --> 00:02:59,514
- Shower, just for me?
- No. All the other lads as well.
48
00:02:59,514 --> 00:03:00,849
What's the food like?
49
00:03:01,433 --> 00:03:03,852
There's a bit of dried moss
on that back wall, if you fancy it.
50
00:03:04,436 --> 00:03:05,687
Goody. I'll have a lick later.
51
00:03:06,438 --> 00:03:08,732
So, I'm sure my gang
are on their way to save me,
52
00:03:08,732 --> 00:03:11,484
but just in case,
is there an escape route?
53
00:03:11,484 --> 00:03:14,112
Nah. No escaping, Turpin.
54
00:03:14,112 --> 00:03:16,907
That's why they call this place
"Your Annoying Second Cousin's Wedding."
55
00:03:16,907 --> 00:03:21,995
'Cause no matter how hard you try,
there's just no getting out of it.
56
00:03:22,996 --> 00:03:24,164
- Ta-ra, mate.
- Where you going?
57
00:03:24,956 --> 00:03:26,875
Ironically,
it's my second cousin's wedding.
58
00:03:26,875 --> 00:03:27,959
So...
59
00:03:31,922 --> 00:03:34,049
{\an8}Welcome to your first evaluation meeting.
60
00:03:34,049 --> 00:03:35,759
{\an8}I can see you all
received your new uniforms.
61
00:03:35,759 --> 00:03:39,888
{\an8}You're gonna look superb
in the background. Especially you, Nell.
62
00:03:39,888 --> 00:03:41,306
Save it, Tommy.
63
00:03:41,306 --> 00:03:42,849
You can flatter me all you like.
64
00:03:42,849 --> 00:03:45,810
Yeah, you can bat those beautiful eyes.
65
00:03:45,810 --> 00:03:47,437
You can even kiss me.
66
00:03:47,437 --> 00:03:48,521
It won't work.
67
00:03:48,521 --> 00:03:50,273
I dare you to kiss me.
68
00:03:50,273 --> 00:03:51,358
Kiss me, please.
69
00:03:51,358 --> 00:03:53,068
- Kiss me. Here.
- Nell, that's weird.
70
00:03:53,068 --> 00:03:55,028
Mr. Silversides. Tommy.
71
00:03:55,028 --> 00:03:56,238
Mr. Silversides.
72
00:03:56,238 --> 00:03:58,531
Not that these uniforms aren't great...
73
00:03:59,407 --> 00:04:01,826
but,
do you have anything more loose-fitting?
74
00:04:01,826 --> 00:04:06,623
Dick always said clothes are a way
of expressing your individuality, right?
75
00:04:06,623 --> 00:04:11,169
Why on earth would I want you
to express your individuality? No.
76
00:04:11,169 --> 00:04:14,172
I want you to play your designated roles.
77
00:04:14,172 --> 00:04:18,175
Moose, the violent heavy.
78
00:04:19,427 --> 00:04:22,305
Honesty, the brainless psychopath.
79
00:04:23,306 --> 00:04:26,184
And Nell, the woman.
80
00:04:27,185 --> 00:04:29,771
Okay, I'm not brainless,
and Nell's not a woman.
81
00:04:30,397 --> 00:04:31,648
Well, I am a woman.
82
00:04:31,648 --> 00:04:33,441
But I'm not the woman.
83
00:04:33,441 --> 00:04:36,861
You know-- Well, okay,
technically, I am the only woman here.
84
00:04:37,445 --> 00:04:40,615
So, in a sense, I am the woman,
but I-- What does that even mean?
85
00:04:40,615 --> 00:04:44,995
It means that you roll your eyes at
the wacky, hilarious things the boys say.
86
00:04:44,995 --> 00:04:46,830
Well, I won't be rolling them much then.
87
00:04:48,331 --> 00:04:50,041
Yes, you will, so give it a try.
88
00:04:52,043 --> 00:04:53,461
Uh-uh. More.
89
00:04:54,421 --> 00:04:56,339
No. More. I want full circles.
90
00:04:56,339 --> 00:04:58,300
If I do it any more,
I'll detach my retinas.
91
00:04:58,300 --> 00:04:59,384
Then detach them.
92
00:04:59,384 --> 00:05:01,469
- What?
- Please, Mr. Silversides.
93
00:05:01,469 --> 00:05:03,597
This isn't how we did things with Dick.
94
00:05:04,264 --> 00:05:08,894
He taught us to be kind and free
and true to who we are.
95
00:05:08,894 --> 00:05:11,479
Yeah, but I hate who you are.
96
00:05:11,479 --> 00:05:14,357
- I mean, it's nothing personal.
- That does sound quite personal.
97
00:05:14,357 --> 00:05:16,484
Oof. Are you missing him?
98
00:05:16,484 --> 00:05:17,527
- Yeah.
- You wanna leave?
99
00:05:17,527 --> 00:05:19,237
- Little bit.
- Okay. Off you go.
100
00:05:19,237 --> 00:05:24,910
But how long do you think a stupid lump
like you would survive alone out there
101
00:05:24,910 --> 00:05:27,370
before being ground up into piggy feed?
102
00:05:27,370 --> 00:05:28,455
Lump?
103
00:05:28,997 --> 00:05:30,457
Look, Nell, say something.
104
00:05:30,457 --> 00:05:32,042
Just do what he says, guys.
105
00:05:32,834 --> 00:05:34,211
Tommy's the leader now, so...
106
00:05:36,338 --> 00:05:38,298
Thank you, the woman.
107
00:05:39,132 --> 00:05:40,133
Much better, Nell.
108
00:05:42,636 --> 00:05:44,554
Okay, maintain eye contact.
109
00:05:44,554 --> 00:05:46,389
Five, six, seven, eight.
110
00:05:46,389 --> 00:05:48,850
Round! Work those hips. Feel the burn.
111
00:05:48,850 --> 00:05:50,936
Keep pushing down.
112
00:05:50,936 --> 00:05:54,105
Forward. Back. Forward. Back.
113
00:05:54,105 --> 00:05:55,440
One. Double-time.
114
00:05:58,526 --> 00:06:00,654
Faster, faster, faster, faster, faster.
115
00:06:00,654 --> 00:06:02,155
- Hands in the air.
- Don't move!
116
00:06:02,155 --> 00:06:03,949
- This is a robbery.
- Stand and deliver.
117
00:06:03,949 --> 00:06:06,243
Come on! Projection! Enunciation!
118
00:06:06,243 --> 00:06:07,869
This is a performance.
119
00:06:07,869 --> 00:06:08,954
Give it some oomph.
120
00:06:09,996 --> 00:06:13,792
It's Tommy
Tommy, Tommy, Tommy Silversides
121
00:06:13,792 --> 00:06:15,794
It's flat. It's flat!
122
00:06:15,794 --> 00:06:16,878
It's flat.
123
00:06:16,878 --> 00:06:18,463
Can you not hear yourselves?
124
00:06:19,214 --> 00:06:20,215
Again.
125
00:06:22,050 --> 00:06:23,843
What are you doing? Guys, stop.
126
00:06:23,843 --> 00:06:25,887
What are you doing?
You're not robbing me again, are you?
127
00:06:25,887 --> 00:06:27,639
Hey! I thought we were friends!
128
00:06:27,639 --> 00:06:29,808
Sorry, Craig. Boss's orders.
129
00:06:30,475 --> 00:06:33,144
Hey, don't go in that drawer!
That's my private drawer!
130
00:06:33,144 --> 00:06:34,896
- It's private!
- Not anymore.
131
00:06:35,814 --> 00:06:40,193
I've reported you to the Warlock Council
for unlicensed enchanting.
132
00:06:40,193 --> 00:06:42,529
Oh, yeah? No worries.
133
00:06:43,738 --> 00:06:45,198
Say good night, my friend.
134
00:06:45,198 --> 00:06:46,199
Sleep bomb!
135
00:06:49,578 --> 00:06:51,162
Give it a little minute.
It might still work.
136
00:06:51,162 --> 00:06:53,081
- Get him out.
- Moose! Honesty!
137
00:06:53,081 --> 00:06:54,374
What am I gonna do for money?
138
00:06:54,374 --> 00:06:57,168
You can't do this. Where's Dick?
139
00:07:03,466 --> 00:07:04,301
Thank you for coming.
140
00:07:05,302 --> 00:07:09,681
It's people like you who inspire me
to just keep robbing people like you.
141
00:07:17,188 --> 00:07:19,190
I've just found my next target.
142
00:07:26,197 --> 00:07:30,827
I should've known when you became
a highwayman, you'd end up behind bars.
143
00:07:32,662 --> 00:07:34,748
Dad, am I really here?
144
00:07:34,748 --> 00:07:36,249
Or am I hallucinating?
145
00:07:36,249 --> 00:07:37,751
I've only eaten moss for a week.
146
00:07:37,751 --> 00:07:39,419
You're dreaming, Son.
147
00:07:39,419 --> 00:07:42,088
I'm just a pig-meat of your imagination.
148
00:07:42,088 --> 00:07:43,465
Yeah, this must be a dream.
149
00:07:44,216 --> 00:07:46,134
There's no way
you'd eat a carrot in real life.
150
00:07:46,134 --> 00:07:48,136
You let fame get to your head, Son.
151
00:07:48,136 --> 00:07:50,931
Didn't listen to your gang
when they warned you of the danger,
152
00:07:50,931 --> 00:07:53,850
and now they're out there alone.
153
00:07:53,850 --> 00:07:55,852
- I know. I'm a bit worried about them.
- I wouldn't be.
154
00:07:55,852 --> 00:07:59,105
If they really cared,
they would've rescued you by now.
155
00:07:59,105 --> 00:08:01,107
But it's not that simple.
They don't know where I am.
156
00:08:01,107 --> 00:08:03,193
If they really cared,
they would've found out where you are.
157
00:08:03,193 --> 00:08:04,611
Well, should we give them a bit more time?
158
00:08:04,611 --> 00:08:06,321
- Yeah, but if they really cared--
- Yeah, all right.
159
00:08:06,321 --> 00:08:07,739
They don't care. I'm getting it.
160
00:08:07,739 --> 00:08:11,409
Listen, my gang will find me,
and they'll rescue me,
161
00:08:11,993 --> 00:08:14,955
and then Dick Turpin will ride again.
162
00:08:14,955 --> 00:08:16,581
I mean, it'll be slightly harder.
163
00:08:16,581 --> 00:08:18,500
I'm just a head now, but I'll find a way.
164
00:08:19,501 --> 00:08:21,002
Carol and Sue.
165
00:08:21,002 --> 00:08:22,796
Benny, what are you doing here?
166
00:08:22,796 --> 00:08:25,340
This is the weird bit before you wake up.
167
00:08:30,762 --> 00:08:34,015
{\an8}The Ruin. Economic hub of Hempstead.
168
00:08:34,015 --> 00:08:35,475
{\an8}It is the perfect target.
169
00:08:36,058 --> 00:08:40,230
{\an8}High cash turnover,
multiple income streams, run by a child.
170
00:08:40,230 --> 00:08:43,733
{\an8}Yeah, I mean, we can't rob The Ruin.
It's the only decent pub around.
171
00:08:44,442 --> 00:08:46,695
Plus, Little Karen is our friend.
172
00:08:46,695 --> 00:08:48,029
Right, guys?
173
00:08:48,029 --> 00:08:50,115
You were right before, Nell.
174
00:08:50,115 --> 00:08:52,492
We should just listen to Tommy.
175
00:08:52,492 --> 00:08:54,578
Tommy's a wise leader.
176
00:08:54,578 --> 00:08:55,912
What have you done to them?
177
00:08:55,912 --> 00:08:58,748
I've just won them round
with my charismatic leadership.
178
00:08:58,748 --> 00:09:00,292
And I don't let them sleep.
179
00:09:00,292 --> 00:09:02,794
But Moose needs 16 hours a day
to function.
180
00:09:02,794 --> 00:09:04,379
He's like a basset hound.
181
00:09:04,379 --> 00:09:05,881
No, he needs to do what I say.
182
00:09:05,881 --> 00:09:08,174
What's this, Moosey?
There's a good boy. Yes.
183
00:09:08,884 --> 00:09:10,719
Gently. There we are.
184
00:09:11,386 --> 00:09:12,804
See that? I'm the big-boy leader.
185
00:09:12,804 --> 00:09:15,098
Numéro un. That's French again.
186
00:09:15,098 --> 00:09:16,975
Come on now, give in, yeah?
187
00:09:17,475 --> 00:09:20,520
Let these Silver-suds wash over you.
188
00:09:22,439 --> 00:09:23,273
No.
189
00:09:23,273 --> 00:09:25,483
I will not be Silversudded.
190
00:09:25,483 --> 00:09:28,153
We are nice highwaymen with panache.
191
00:09:28,737 --> 00:09:30,155
Low violence, high pay.
192
00:09:30,822 --> 00:09:32,365
Oh, my God. What have I become?
193
00:09:32,365 --> 00:09:33,658
You know the deal, Nell.
194
00:09:34,451 --> 00:09:37,203
You got a problem, take it up with Mummy.
195
00:09:53,178 --> 00:09:54,888
Mum, I need to talk to you.
196
00:09:55,555 --> 00:09:59,017
Shoes!
It's an Axminster rug. We know this.
197
00:10:05,857 --> 00:10:07,067
Oh, God.
198
00:10:07,943 --> 00:10:09,694
Tommy wants us to rob The Ruin.
199
00:10:09,694 --> 00:10:12,781
- Don't shout. Inside voice, please.
- Okay.
200
00:10:12,781 --> 00:10:15,158
Tommy wants us to rob The Ruin.
201
00:10:15,158 --> 00:10:16,451
Now I can't hear you at all.
202
00:10:16,451 --> 00:10:19,037
Tommy wants us to rob The Ruin.
203
00:10:19,037 --> 00:10:20,664
I don't want to shock you, darling,
204
00:10:20,664 --> 00:10:23,708
but criminals
do tend to do a little bit of crime.
205
00:10:23,708 --> 00:10:26,294
That pub is the heart of the village.
206
00:10:26,294 --> 00:10:27,879
The alcohol is the blood.
207
00:10:27,879 --> 00:10:30,715
The--
208
00:10:30,715 --> 00:10:33,176
That's where that metaphor ends.
209
00:10:33,176 --> 00:10:35,971
But... rob that pub,
and Hempstead's done.
210
00:10:35,971 --> 00:10:37,556
Yes, and then we move on.
211
00:10:37,556 --> 00:10:40,725
Did you really think
our plans ended with Hempstead?
212
00:10:40,725 --> 00:10:45,146
Soon we'll have a Tommy Silversides
in every county.
213
00:10:45,146 --> 00:10:50,819
A network of celebrity highwaymen,
all heralded as folk heroes
214
00:10:50,819 --> 00:10:53,029
whilst robbing
the great British public blind.
215
00:10:53,029 --> 00:10:56,241
Well, you will never find
enough highwaymen willing to work for you.
216
00:10:56,241 --> 00:10:57,659
I don't need highwaymen, darling.
217
00:10:57,659 --> 00:10:59,327
Where do you think I got Tommy?
218
00:11:01,580 --> 00:11:04,499
Wait, he's--
219
00:11:04,499 --> 00:11:07,460
That's right. Which is why I need you.
220
00:11:07,460 --> 00:11:10,547
Well, the only person I wanna work for
is Dick Turpin.
221
00:11:10,547 --> 00:11:12,591
Yes, but this time tomorrow,
he'll be dead, so--
222
00:11:13,717 --> 00:11:15,260
I didn't mean to say that.
223
00:11:15,969 --> 00:11:18,847
You promised me you wouldn't kill him.
224
00:11:19,431 --> 00:11:21,474
This is so unfair!
225
00:11:21,474 --> 00:11:23,643
But I have to, darling.
226
00:11:23,643 --> 00:11:25,228
He is too good an influence on you.
227
00:11:25,228 --> 00:11:28,148
Look at you.
Sensitive, empathetic, morally pure.
228
00:11:28,732 --> 00:11:30,191
I am worried.
229
00:11:30,191 --> 00:11:32,068
I will not let you do this.
230
00:11:32,652 --> 00:11:34,446
Oh, sweetie.
231
00:11:36,239 --> 00:11:37,365
Try and stop me.
232
00:11:43,747 --> 00:11:44,789
Oh, dear.
233
00:11:48,710 --> 00:11:49,794
Yeah.
234
00:11:54,132 --> 00:11:55,634
Oi, Turpin, wake up!
235
00:11:56,384 --> 00:11:58,011
What the bloody hell's happened to you?
236
00:11:58,011 --> 00:12:01,264
How have you grown that thing so quickly?
Only been in here a week.
237
00:12:01,264 --> 00:12:03,016
What, this? It's not real, is it?
238
00:12:03,516 --> 00:12:05,185
I made this out of rats' eyelashes.
239
00:12:06,228 --> 00:12:09,397
I mean, traditionally, people think of the
rat as being quite an ugly creature,
240
00:12:09,397 --> 00:12:12,400
but up close, they've got quite beautiful,
long eyelashes.
241
00:12:13,693 --> 00:12:16,446
Anyway, some light reading for you.
242
00:12:16,446 --> 00:12:19,407
Yeah, looks like your gang
aren't missing you at all, are they?
243
00:12:20,158 --> 00:12:21,868
You're not going anywhere.
244
00:12:21,868 --> 00:12:23,411
This couldn't get any worse.
245
00:12:27,374 --> 00:12:29,042
Shower time, you monsters!
246
00:12:29,042 --> 00:12:30,919
One block at a time!
247
00:12:31,962 --> 00:12:32,963
They're on their way.
248
00:12:35,382 --> 00:12:38,718
{\an8}I'm telling you guys,
Tommy is not who he says he is.
249
00:12:38,718 --> 00:12:40,387
Oh, Nell.
250
00:12:40,387 --> 00:12:44,182
We were in denial too
before we accepted the truth.
251
00:12:44,182 --> 00:12:45,976
Dick just wasn't that into us.
252
00:12:46,685 --> 00:12:48,144
Shut up, you idiots.
253
00:12:48,144 --> 00:12:49,229
Look.
254
00:12:49,229 --> 00:12:51,481
That is not how it's supposed to go.
255
00:12:51,481 --> 00:12:54,943
You somersault up into the tree,
grab a branch, then I drop down.
256
00:12:54,943 --> 00:12:57,028
You have got to be out of sight.
257
00:12:57,028 --> 00:12:58,572
Otherwise, they'll see it wasn't me.
258
00:12:58,572 --> 00:13:00,323
I absolutely apologize.
I'm sorry, Mr. Silversides.
259
00:13:00,323 --> 00:13:03,201
Not good enough. Hair and makeup, come.
260
00:13:03,201 --> 00:13:05,704
Right, this wig, it is itchy,
261
00:13:05,704 --> 00:13:08,456
badly fitted,
and not nearly swishy enough.
262
00:13:08,456 --> 00:13:10,292
I need it to swish like Dick's.
263
00:13:10,292 --> 00:13:11,543
Give me Dick swish.
264
00:13:11,543 --> 00:13:14,379
Away. Isabelle. Reginald. Priscilla.
265
00:13:15,005 --> 00:13:18,425
I need to see genuine amazement
when we reach the next village.
266
00:13:18,425 --> 00:13:20,051
Gasps when you see me.
267
00:13:20,051 --> 00:13:21,303
Show me right now. Show me.
268
00:13:21,303 --> 00:13:23,346
- Wow.
- Who is he?
269
00:13:23,346 --> 00:13:24,431
- Oh, wow!
- Incredible!
270
00:13:24,431 --> 00:13:26,975
No, no, no, no, no.
God, what do I pay you for?
271
00:13:26,975 --> 00:13:28,643
Where's the truth? Look at me!
272
00:13:33,273 --> 00:13:35,025
Twenty-five years I've been acting.
273
00:13:35,025 --> 00:13:36,401
Man, boy and baby.
274
00:13:36,401 --> 00:13:39,404
You know what they used to say about me?
God, I can still hear it now:
275
00:13:39,404 --> 00:13:43,199
"Child Star Shines As Murdered Infant."
276
00:13:43,199 --> 00:13:45,160
So I know what I'm talking about,
you guys.
277
00:13:46,494 --> 00:13:48,288
Everyone take five.
278
00:13:48,288 --> 00:13:49,831
I'm gonna be in my trailer.
279
00:13:49,831 --> 00:13:51,708
His name's not even Tommy Silversides.
280
00:13:51,708 --> 00:13:52,876
It's Albert Crumb.
281
00:13:52,876 --> 00:13:57,422
{\an8}If he's an actor,
this means Dick didn't actually leave us.
282
00:13:58,256 --> 00:13:59,466
He still loves us.
283
00:13:59,466 --> 00:14:01,134
- Yes.
- Tommy faked everything.
284
00:14:01,134 --> 00:14:03,094
- Yeah.
- The fans, the stunts,
285
00:14:03,094 --> 00:14:04,471
- pretending to fancy you.
- Yes.
286
00:14:04,471 --> 00:14:05,388
He didn't fake that.
287
00:14:05,388 --> 00:14:08,683
No,
he was actually quite taken aback by me.
288
00:14:08,683 --> 00:14:12,354
Yeah. That happens a lot with me and guys.
289
00:14:12,354 --> 00:14:13,438
What can you do?
290
00:14:13,438 --> 00:14:15,732
But wait. How come you know all this?
291
00:14:15,732 --> 00:14:17,943
There's a lot I need to tell you. Come on.
292
00:14:17,943 --> 00:14:20,987
Hello? Is anyone going to help me down?
293
00:14:22,447 --> 00:14:24,699
{\an8}So, your mom's the head of the Syndicate?
294
00:14:25,450 --> 00:14:26,493
You lied to us.
295
00:14:26,493 --> 00:14:28,870
You betrayed your own gang.
296
00:14:29,454 --> 00:14:33,875
It's gonna take quite some time
for me to ever trust you again, Nell.
297
00:14:38,213 --> 00:14:42,926
- Okay. I'm ready. Now, where's Dick?
- He's in a secret Syndicate prison.
298
00:14:42,926 --> 00:14:46,680
So secret they have to blindfold
the horses that ride there.
299
00:14:46,680 --> 00:14:49,975
We should still ask the horses anyway.
Just in case they've heard anything.
300
00:14:49,975 --> 00:14:53,353
Sounds like you guys
need a man on the inside.
301
00:14:53,353 --> 00:14:55,438
It's the name
of the cocktail that I've just created
302
00:14:55,438 --> 00:14:59,859
because it has a tiny little man
on the inside.
303
00:14:59,859 --> 00:15:01,528
I think that's a frog.
304
00:15:01,528 --> 00:15:02,737
Just give it a second.
305
00:15:06,241 --> 00:15:08,159
- Yeah, what are you doing here, Craig?
- Me?
306
00:15:08,159 --> 00:15:11,913
Little Karen hired me after
you lot and Tommy put me out of business.
307
00:15:11,913 --> 00:15:13,164
So I work here now.
308
00:15:13,164 --> 00:15:15,083
By the way,
you know my name's not actually Craig?
309
00:15:15,083 --> 00:15:17,210
I just call myself Craig
'cause it sounds more "warlock-y."
310
00:15:17,210 --> 00:15:18,712
My real name is so boring.
311
00:15:18,712 --> 00:15:20,338
It's Balthazar the Magnificent.
312
00:15:20,338 --> 00:15:21,423
Right.
313
00:15:21,423 --> 00:15:23,925
Get back to work, Craig.
It's only a trial shift.
314
00:15:23,925 --> 00:15:25,051
Sorry, boss.
315
00:15:25,051 --> 00:15:29,598
Look, if you guys really wanna find Dick,
then you need an in.
316
00:15:29,598 --> 00:15:31,474
Like how I've got this job
with Little Karen.
317
00:15:31,474 --> 00:15:32,851
It's a hookup. Right, boss?
318
00:15:32,851 --> 00:15:35,270
Why are there frogs everywhere, Craig?
319
00:15:35,270 --> 00:15:36,521
Sorry, boss.
320
00:15:36,521 --> 00:15:39,107
I actually can't believe I'm saying this,
but Balthazar is right.
321
00:15:39,107 --> 00:15:41,026
- It's "Craig."
- We need an in.
322
00:15:41,026 --> 00:15:43,945
Nell, we don't know
anyone else in the Syndicate.
323
00:15:45,447 --> 00:15:47,282
Except-- Well--
324
00:15:47,949 --> 00:15:48,783
Of course!
325
00:15:48,783 --> 00:15:50,201
- Yes!
- Let's go!
326
00:15:50,201 --> 00:15:51,453
Moose,
327
00:15:51,453 --> 00:15:53,830
just tell me on the way because
I don't know what we're talking about.
328
00:16:06,760 --> 00:16:09,638
All right, Turpin,
time to get you tortured.
329
00:16:09,638 --> 00:16:11,348
Tortured? What for?
330
00:16:11,348 --> 00:16:14,226
It's a nice little parting gift
from Helen Gwinear.
331
00:16:16,686 --> 00:16:19,439
This one's a bit of a celebrity
by all accounts,
332
00:16:19,439 --> 00:16:21,691
so give him the full VIP treatment.
333
00:16:22,442 --> 00:16:24,569
"Very Invasive Probing."
334
00:16:26,029 --> 00:16:27,030
Enjoy.
335
00:16:29,157 --> 00:16:32,619
Yeah. Now's not a great time for me.
Perhaps we could reschedule.
336
00:16:38,875 --> 00:16:39,918
Hello, Turpin.
337
00:16:40,877 --> 00:16:42,879
Hey, Dick. Cool cell.
338
00:16:42,879 --> 00:16:45,549
J-dog? Christopher? What a surprise!
339
00:16:45,549 --> 00:16:49,302
Your gang paid me a visit.
Told me about your incarceration.
340
00:16:50,679 --> 00:16:54,766
It delighted me,
the prospect of you rotting in a cell.
341
00:16:54,766 --> 00:16:56,977
It made me feel warm and fuzzy.
342
00:16:57,852 --> 00:17:01,690
But now that I'm here, can I just say
343
00:17:01,690 --> 00:17:05,401
- it's so wonderful to see you.
- Dad.
344
00:17:05,401 --> 00:17:07,612
You're looking very svelte.
Have you lost weight?
345
00:17:07,612 --> 00:17:09,322
- Dad!
- I'm on that new moss diet.
346
00:17:09,322 --> 00:17:11,741
- Dad!
- One moment. What is it, darling?
347
00:17:11,741 --> 00:17:15,078
- I found a dead beetle.
- Oh, look at that.
348
00:17:15,078 --> 00:17:17,706
Yes, you did. Well done.
349
00:17:17,706 --> 00:17:18,747
Daddy loves you.
350
00:17:19,708 --> 00:17:22,669
You see, since our dalliance in London,
351
00:17:22,669 --> 00:17:27,424
I've been on a journey
of mindfulness and self-care.
352
00:17:28,132 --> 00:17:31,553
And my relationship
with Christopher has never been better.
353
00:17:31,553 --> 00:17:33,221
And it's all down to you.
354
00:17:33,221 --> 00:17:37,809
By the way, would you mind
giving the occasional pained howl?
355
00:17:37,809 --> 00:17:40,520
- Let them know that I'm doing something.
- Course.
356
00:17:40,520 --> 00:17:44,441
Oh, my eyes! Please!
357
00:17:44,441 --> 00:17:49,362
And to repay you, on our way out,
I might just leave the door open.
358
00:17:49,362 --> 00:17:50,989
I'd actually prefer it if it was closed.
359
00:17:50,989 --> 00:17:53,450
When it's closed,
I just feel a little bit more cozy.
360
00:17:53,450 --> 00:17:56,369
I'm helping you escape, you idiot. Dick.
361
00:17:58,413 --> 00:17:59,915
I don't know.
362
00:17:59,915 --> 00:18:01,917
Maybe I don't want to escape.
363
00:18:01,917 --> 00:18:03,043
What's the point?
364
00:18:03,043 --> 00:18:05,837
I can't beat Tommy anyway.
He's incredible.
365
00:18:06,671 --> 00:18:10,634
Even my hair has started to look
lank, lifeless, depressed.
366
00:18:10,634 --> 00:18:12,219
It's exactly the same.
367
00:18:12,219 --> 00:18:13,887
I mean, how is that even possible?
368
00:18:13,887 --> 00:18:16,014
Maybe my gang are better off with Tommy.
369
00:18:16,514 --> 00:18:17,933
Maybe I'm not a great highwayman.
370
00:18:17,933 --> 00:18:22,187
Listen, Turpin,
you are a terrible highwayman.
371
00:18:22,854 --> 00:18:24,522
Thought I was gonna get
some sort of pep talk.
372
00:18:24,522 --> 00:18:27,859
But you did rob the Unrobbable Coach,
373
00:18:27,859 --> 00:18:29,778
- steal Syndicate gold...
- True.
374
00:18:29,778 --> 00:18:33,823
...and you're the only highwayman ever
to avoid my noose.
375
00:18:34,908 --> 00:18:39,037
Well, that might make you
the best bad highwayman there's ever been.
376
00:18:39,037 --> 00:18:41,164
Don't swap my nipples!
377
00:18:42,415 --> 00:18:47,712
You're not going to beat Tommy Silversides
by being Tommy Silversides.
378
00:18:48,755 --> 00:18:52,050
You're only gonna do that by being...
379
00:18:53,718 --> 00:18:54,844
Dick Turpin.
380
00:18:56,137 --> 00:18:57,138
You're right.
381
00:18:57,722 --> 00:18:59,140
Dick Turpin's great.
382
00:19:00,100 --> 00:19:01,309
And I'm Dick Turpin.
383
00:19:02,394 --> 00:19:04,229
I'm gonna go and win my gang back.
384
00:19:04,229 --> 00:19:05,355
And when you do--
385
00:19:05,355 --> 00:19:08,400
Just cover your ears
for a moment, Christopher, my darling.
386
00:19:09,484 --> 00:19:13,738
You find that stuck-up harpy
Helen Gwinear, and you take her down.
387
00:19:14,573 --> 00:19:17,242
I miss my life of crime every moment.
388
00:19:17,242 --> 00:19:20,203
I need you to make her pay.
389
00:19:21,663 --> 00:19:23,456
Anyway, so lovely catching up.
390
00:19:23,456 --> 00:19:26,251
You're a complicated guy, Wilde-style.
391
00:19:26,251 --> 00:19:27,377
But thanks.
392
00:19:27,377 --> 00:19:28,795
Christopher.
393
00:19:28,795 --> 00:19:32,090
It's been great reconnecting with
you guys. I'll catch you on the flip side.
394
00:19:33,258 --> 00:19:35,969
Knees don't bend that way!
395
00:19:35,969 --> 00:19:38,138
No!
396
00:19:39,055 --> 00:19:40,265
Oh, Dick, wait!
397
00:19:41,016 --> 00:19:44,352
Dick, you idiot, you locked us in! Dick!
398
00:19:46,062 --> 00:19:47,230
Yeah!
399
00:19:47,939 --> 00:19:49,107
How did he escape?
400
00:19:49,107 --> 00:19:51,192
It's supposed to be inescapable.
Where were you?
401
00:19:51,192 --> 00:19:53,028
I was at a wedding. Yeah.
402
00:19:53,028 --> 00:19:54,362
Now, that felt inescapable.
403
00:19:56,031 --> 00:19:57,741
You're fired, Geoffrey.
404
00:19:57,741 --> 00:20:00,702
Guards, ready my carriage.
Take me to Hempstead.
405
00:20:01,286 --> 00:20:02,829
But not too fast. I get travel sick.
406
00:20:04,623 --> 00:20:06,750
Oh, spider-- Carry me!
407
00:20:06,750 --> 00:20:09,711
Does he sep--
Does he separate recycling?
408
00:20:10,754 --> 00:20:15,008
You guys, rise and shine.
It's time to ruin The Ruin.
409
00:20:16,509 --> 00:20:19,095
Note to self: Must do more comedy roles.
410
00:20:23,099 --> 00:20:24,100
You guys?
411
00:20:25,018 --> 00:20:26,353
Wakey-wakey.
412
00:20:26,353 --> 00:20:28,188
It's my big day.
413
00:20:51,086 --> 00:20:55,090
So, you got my invite, then?
If not, this is a massive coincidence.
414
00:20:55,090 --> 00:20:58,009
That's my gang, Turpin.
415
00:20:58,593 --> 00:21:01,304
Oh, yeah? You wanna duel for it?
416
00:21:03,848 --> 00:21:05,559
Are you sure you don't want a bigger gun?
417
00:21:05,559 --> 00:21:07,269
I've actually grown quite attached
to this one.
418
00:21:07,269 --> 00:21:09,354
I've given it a name.
I call it "Miniature Pete."
419
00:21:09,354 --> 00:21:12,107
Yeah, shoot his face off, Dick.
Yeah? Shoot his face right off.
420
00:21:12,107 --> 00:21:13,567
- I'll try.
- Yeah.
421
00:21:13,567 --> 00:21:16,152
A rematch was not in my contract.
422
00:21:16,861 --> 00:21:18,280
I'm gonna contact my union.
423
00:21:19,531 --> 00:21:22,867
You're going to finish this,
or I'll finish you.
424
00:21:23,785 --> 00:21:26,079
Remember, you can't lose.
425
00:21:26,580 --> 00:21:29,165
Gentlemen, listen up.
426
00:21:33,670 --> 00:21:36,006
I want a nice, clean duel.
427
00:21:36,006 --> 00:21:37,632
No cheap shots.
428
00:21:37,632 --> 00:21:43,054
And I want a sandwich brought to me now,
with mustard, no crust.
429
00:21:43,054 --> 00:21:45,265
And white bread. I'm not a peasant.
430
00:21:45,265 --> 00:21:46,892
Think you can win this?
431
00:21:47,475 --> 00:21:51,104
I'm gonna shoot you, dazzle the crowd
and then sing my song again.
432
00:21:51,104 --> 00:21:53,398
- I do like that song.
- Maybe we can do a duet.
433
00:21:53,398 --> 00:21:55,233
Oh, wait. You'll be dead.
434
00:21:56,151 --> 00:21:59,195
Or maybe I won't be dead,
now that you don't have your marksmen.
435
00:21:59,195 --> 00:22:01,531
What? What marksmen?
436
00:22:01,531 --> 00:22:03,491
The marksmen that do all your shooting?
437
00:22:03,491 --> 00:22:05,911
The ones who are supposed to be
hiding in those trees?
438
00:22:05,911 --> 00:22:08,204
You see, Moose took them out
for a little drink last night.
439
00:22:08,204 --> 00:22:11,291
Explained to them
the benefits of a breezier outfit.
440
00:22:11,291 --> 00:22:13,835
And look at them, absolutely slaying it.
441
00:22:13,835 --> 00:22:14,920
And your stunt team.
442
00:22:14,920 --> 00:22:16,463
The ones
who do all your robberies for you?
443
00:22:17,672 --> 00:22:19,007
Honesty read them some poetry.
444
00:22:20,133 --> 00:22:21,134
They hated it.
445
00:22:21,134 --> 00:22:23,428
But he also gave them a massive bribe.
446
00:22:25,805 --> 00:22:29,768
And as for your singers,
Nell found them too irritating to talk to.
447
00:22:29,768 --> 00:22:32,229
But they're only singers,
so we're not that bothered.
448
00:22:32,229 --> 00:22:36,900
We're still with you, Tommy
449
00:22:36,900 --> 00:22:38,735
You see, they worked out your secret.
450
00:22:38,735 --> 00:22:41,780
It's your team that make you look good.
Same for me.
451
00:22:41,780 --> 00:22:44,032
Only, my team actually like me.
452
00:22:46,409 --> 00:22:49,913
Well, even without them,
I can still beat you in a duel.
453
00:22:49,913 --> 00:22:50,997
Maybe.
454
00:22:51,539 --> 00:22:54,626
But I'm willing to die to find out.
Are you?
455
00:22:56,169 --> 00:22:57,587
Back to back, gentlemen.
456
00:23:01,216 --> 00:23:04,928
On my count, take ten paces, then fire.
457
00:23:04,928 --> 00:23:06,846
One, two--
458
00:23:06,846 --> 00:23:07,931
more mustard--
459
00:23:07,931 --> 00:23:09,015
three...
460
00:23:10,183 --> 00:23:11,393
four...
461
00:23:13,019 --> 00:23:14,020
five...
462
00:23:15,021 --> 00:23:16,314
six...
463
00:23:17,148 --> 00:23:18,525
seven...
464
00:23:19,985 --> 00:23:21,027
eight...
465
00:23:21,987 --> 00:23:23,238
nine...
466
00:23:27,826 --> 00:23:29,494
You tit-headed weasel!
467
00:23:34,040 --> 00:23:37,460
- Yeah, you run!
- You confusing, sexy idiot!
468
00:23:39,087 --> 00:23:40,380
There you have it.
469
00:23:40,380 --> 00:23:42,757
Dick Turpin is the winner.
470
00:23:44,968 --> 00:23:46,344
Wasn't even loaded.
471
00:23:47,095 --> 00:23:48,096
Fine.
472
00:23:48,096 --> 00:23:49,598
I must do everything myself.
473
00:23:57,898 --> 00:23:59,566
- Out of my way, darling.
- No.
474
00:24:00,358 --> 00:24:01,610
Leave Dick alone.
475
00:24:01,610 --> 00:24:02,694
He's my...
476
00:24:04,029 --> 00:24:05,030
friend.
477
00:24:05,030 --> 00:24:06,406
Proper mates.
478
00:24:06,406 --> 00:24:08,408
And I'm your family, Eleanor.
479
00:24:10,452 --> 00:24:14,039
You need to choose right now
whose side you're on.
480
00:24:14,039 --> 00:24:16,416
Well, I mean, I'm-- I choose my gang.
481
00:24:16,416 --> 00:24:17,918
I thought that was pretty obvious.
482
00:24:20,045 --> 00:24:21,046
Very well.
483
00:24:22,505 --> 00:24:25,425
But you know what this means.
We'll be enemies, darling.
484
00:24:26,134 --> 00:24:30,931
And my enemies have a nasty habit
of turning up in teeny-tiny pieces.
485
00:24:32,349 --> 00:24:34,893
I'll be seeing you all very soon.
486
00:24:35,936 --> 00:24:37,103
I hope so.
487
00:24:37,103 --> 00:24:38,813
Sorry, we've got a bit of a vibe.
488
00:24:42,984 --> 00:24:45,320
Saw what you did there. So...
489
00:24:46,321 --> 00:24:47,697
been doing some mulling.
490
00:24:47,697 --> 00:24:50,700
I've come to realize, Dick,
you're like a son to me.
491
00:24:50,700 --> 00:24:52,577
"Like?" I mean, I am your son.
492
00:24:52,577 --> 00:24:54,996
You've got panache, verve,
493
00:24:54,996 --> 00:25:00,210
and I'm pr... of you.
494
00:25:00,210 --> 00:25:03,421
- What?
- I'm "pird."
495
00:25:03,421 --> 00:25:05,006
- Are you saying "proud"?
- Yes.
496
00:25:06,383 --> 00:25:07,300
Thanks, Dad.
497
00:25:07,300 --> 00:25:09,469
- Proud of you too, Dick.
- I love you, Benny.
498
00:25:09,469 --> 00:25:10,554
- Group hug?
- Yeah!
499
00:25:12,222 --> 00:25:13,431
Bring it.
500
00:25:23,817 --> 00:25:25,777
My best-selling pamphlet yet.
501
00:25:25,777 --> 00:25:28,530
And I think you'll be
rather pleased with this one.
502
00:25:30,323 --> 00:25:33,451
I'm on the cover! I'm famous!
503
00:25:33,451 --> 00:25:35,787
What about old Craig?
Any space for me on the cover?
504
00:25:35,787 --> 00:25:37,205
No.
505
00:25:37,205 --> 00:25:39,165
And anyway,
aren't you supposed to be working?
506
00:25:39,165 --> 00:25:41,835
Nah. You know what? I realized something.
507
00:25:42,377 --> 00:25:46,006
Sure, I can mix a mean cocktail,
but my talents are needed elsewhere.
508
00:25:46,506 --> 00:25:48,466
I'm not Balthazar the Barman.
509
00:25:49,593 --> 00:25:51,177
I'm Craig the Warlock.
510
00:25:52,220 --> 00:25:54,431
- You fired him, didn't you?
- Almost immediately.
511
00:25:56,224 --> 00:25:57,517
What now, boss?
512
00:25:58,018 --> 00:26:01,396
I don't know. I guess we wait
for the next adventure to present itself.
513
00:26:01,396 --> 00:26:03,607
Adventures don't just
present themselves, Dick.
514
00:26:03,607 --> 00:26:05,901
You have to seek them out tirelessly.
515
00:26:05,901 --> 00:26:07,360
I mean, it can take months.
516
00:26:07,360 --> 00:26:08,445
Years, even.
517
00:26:09,237 --> 00:26:10,864
Attention, peasantry!
518
00:26:12,616 --> 00:26:17,037
Tonight,
a royal coach carrying the crown jewels
519
00:26:17,037 --> 00:26:21,416
will pass by your meager village.
520
00:26:21,416 --> 00:26:26,004
Under no circumstances
is anyone to rob it.
521
00:26:26,004 --> 00:26:31,509
Steal those jewels and you become
the most infamous, sought-after thief
522
00:26:31,509 --> 00:26:33,053
in all the land.
523
00:26:33,678 --> 00:26:36,056
Basically, a living legend.
524
00:26:36,932 --> 00:26:42,312
So don't even try.
525
00:26:44,147 --> 00:26:45,148
Good day.
526
00:26:46,942 --> 00:26:47,943
Oh, no.
527
00:26:51,571 --> 00:26:52,572
Oh, yeah.
528
00:26:58,703 --> 00:27:00,038
This is great.
529
00:27:00,038 --> 00:27:01,998
Does anyone actually
know where we're going?
530
00:27:12,717 --> 00:27:15,428
Let us out of here!
531
00:27:15,428 --> 00:27:18,306
Let us-- For God's sake,
we're not Dick Turpin.
532
00:27:20,976 --> 00:27:22,435
Well, how am I meant to know that?
533
00:27:22,435 --> 00:27:24,187
There's two of us, for a start.
534
00:27:24,187 --> 00:27:25,522
Not my problem, mate.
535
00:27:25,522 --> 00:27:28,358
It's a bank holiday weekend,
and I'm going for a swim.
536
00:27:28,358 --> 00:27:30,902
No! No, don't! Let us out!
537
00:27:31,611 --> 00:27:33,280
I'll make you pay for this!
538
00:27:34,406 --> 00:27:36,950
I'll make you all pay!
539
00:27:37,867 --> 00:27:40,120
I'll get you for this, Dick Turpin.
40498