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1
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[Pat] Previously
on Shining Vale...
2
00:00:17,476 --> 00:00:18,978
[Valerie] Whatever's
plaguing your mother
3
00:00:19,145 --> 00:00:21,063
will eventually come after you.
4
00:00:21,230 --> 00:00:23,107
Wear this medal.
It'll offer protection.
5
00:00:23,274 --> 00:00:24,525
[Ryan] My mom always wore hers,
6
00:00:24,692 --> 00:00:26,402
but she wasn't wearing it
when she died.
7
00:00:26,569 --> 00:00:28,112
[Sandy] Are you still in touch
with your friend Ryan?
8
00:00:28,279 --> 00:00:29,238
[Gaynor] He lives
with his cool uncle in L.A.
9
00:00:29,405 --> 00:00:30,406
I might be pregnant.
10
00:00:30,573 --> 00:00:31,699
I'm just focusing on work.
11
00:00:31,866 --> 00:00:33,826
- Fuck off.
- I'm Ennio, from Italy.
12
00:00:33,993 --> 00:00:36,579
[Nellie] I'm writing a book
about how asylums abuse women.
13
00:00:36,746 --> 00:00:37,621
Who are you?
14
00:00:37,788 --> 00:00:38,789
- I'm Nellie.
- [gasps]
15
00:00:38,956 --> 00:00:41,375
I'm Daisy. I used to live here.
16
00:00:41,542 --> 00:00:44,044
- [phone ringing]
- [Jake] What the hell?
17
00:00:44,211 --> 00:00:46,589
- [Daisy] Jake...
- Oh, boy.
18
00:00:46,756 --> 00:00:49,216
My Leo is an angel.
He was stillborn.
19
00:00:49,383 --> 00:00:50,634
I'm the worst mom.
20
00:00:50,801 --> 00:00:52,762
Maybe,
but you're a genius writer.
21
00:00:52,928 --> 00:00:54,430
You'll have to come speak
at our book club.
22
00:00:54,597 --> 00:00:56,140
[Pat] Sounds great.
23
00:00:56,307 --> 00:00:57,600
- Your dad and I are separating.
- Thank fucking Jesus.
24
00:00:57,767 --> 00:00:59,143
I want two Christmases.
25
00:00:59,310 --> 00:01:01,520
I think you're still hooked
on your wife.
26
00:01:01,687 --> 00:01:03,981
[Pat] This isn't
a fucking dream!
27
00:01:04,148 --> 00:01:06,400
[retching]
28
00:01:06,567 --> 00:01:08,194
Oh, no. They got you, too?
29
00:01:10,404 --> 00:01:12,323
You're fucking kidding me.
30
00:01:15,326 --> 00:01:18,454
Okay, Roxy, one shit for Mommy.
31
00:01:18,621 --> 00:01:20,289
Let's go.
32
00:01:20,456 --> 00:01:22,583
Okay, not for Mommy.
33
00:01:22,750 --> 00:01:24,877
One shit for Roxy.
34
00:01:25,044 --> 00:01:28,214
[branches snapping]
35
00:01:28,380 --> 00:01:30,591
Hello?
36
00:01:30,758 --> 00:01:32,218
[deer grunting]
37
00:01:32,384 --> 00:01:34,303
Oh...
38
00:01:34,470 --> 00:01:35,679
a deer.
39
00:01:40,643 --> 00:01:43,312
[menacing
electronic music plays]
40
00:01:43,479 --> 00:01:46,398
♪ ♪
41
00:01:49,860 --> 00:01:51,821
[growling]
42
00:02:05,543 --> 00:02:08,212
[deer groaning, flesh tearing]
43
00:02:09,755 --> 00:02:12,508
[Terry] Pat, is that you?
44
00:02:12,675 --> 00:02:14,635
I'm just walking the dog.
45
00:02:17,096 --> 00:02:19,723
Wait. Are you pregnant?
46
00:02:19,890 --> 00:02:22,601
[Pat growling softly]
47
00:02:24,353 --> 00:02:27,022
[gasps] God damn it!
48
00:02:28,649 --> 00:02:31,485
[Roxy howling]
49
00:02:33,112 --> 00:02:35,948
[eerie music plays]
50
00:02:36,115 --> 00:02:38,868
♪ ♪
51
00:02:48,127 --> 00:02:50,045
[Joan] Isn't this nice?
52
00:02:50,212 --> 00:02:53,173
I wish my mother had gone
with me to my abortion.
53
00:02:53,340 --> 00:02:56,260
Yeah. This makes up
for all the missed recitals,
54
00:02:56,427 --> 00:02:59,013
games, birthdays,
and graduation.
55
00:02:59,179 --> 00:03:01,015
I'm not getting an abortion.
56
00:03:01,181 --> 00:03:02,892
I just had
two really weird dreams.
57
00:03:03,058 --> 00:03:04,602
I want to make sure.
58
00:03:04,768 --> 00:03:06,896
Well, whatever you decide
to do about the baby,
59
00:03:07,062 --> 00:03:10,065
I support you 100%.
60
00:03:10,232 --> 00:03:11,859
But I will say,
61
00:03:12,026 --> 00:03:15,070
having you was the second-best
decision I ever made.
62
00:03:15,237 --> 00:03:16,906
Hmm. I'm not gonna ask
what the first was.
63
00:03:17,072 --> 00:03:18,949
- Getting my abortion.
- Oh, yeah.
64
00:03:19,116 --> 00:03:21,243
Do you how hard it is to find
you a Mother's Day card?
65
00:03:21,410 --> 00:03:22,912
Phelps.
66
00:03:24,413 --> 00:03:27,166
Hi. Um, I'm here
for a pregnancy test.
67
00:03:27,333 --> 00:03:28,792
Is it for your daughter?
68
00:03:28,959 --> 00:03:31,211
Oh, I'm not her daughter.
69
00:03:31,378 --> 00:03:32,796
No, it's for me.
70
00:03:32,963 --> 00:03:35,049
When was your last period?
71
00:03:35,215 --> 00:03:37,551
- When was the Challenger?
- Oh, my God.
72
00:03:37,718 --> 00:03:39,053
Can I just take the test, please?
73
00:03:39,219 --> 00:03:41,472
Okay, just have a seat, Gaynor.
74
00:03:41,639 --> 00:03:44,016
Uh, I'm Pat.
75
00:03:44,183 --> 00:03:46,101
Gaynor's my daughter.
76
00:03:46,268 --> 00:03:47,353
[Nancy] Oh, God.
77
00:03:47,519 --> 00:03:48,687
I'm sorry. Excuse me.
78
00:03:50,522 --> 00:03:52,608
She probably
shouldn't have said that.
79
00:03:52,775 --> 00:03:55,235
Yeah, probably not.
80
00:03:55,402 --> 00:03:57,112
I texted you three hours ago.
81
00:03:57,279 --> 00:04:00,074
Well, I don't have to answer
to you anymore, sweetheart.
82
00:04:00,240 --> 00:04:02,201
Remember? I'm a free agent.
83
00:04:02,368 --> 00:04:04,453
Plus, I was playing pickleball
with Laird.
84
00:04:04,620 --> 00:04:06,705
Can you believe that?
I do shit like that now.
85
00:04:06,872 --> 00:04:08,749
I'm playing pickleball
out there, Pat.
86
00:04:08,916 --> 00:04:10,960
Best shape of my life.
I've scheduled a physical.
87
00:04:11,126 --> 00:04:13,253
Oh, and I, uh, tried
spicy Thai food.
88
00:04:13,420 --> 00:04:15,965
And I tried cocaine,
and I quit.
89
00:04:16,131 --> 00:04:17,508
My job, not the coke.
90
00:04:17,675 --> 00:04:19,468
I love
that little devil's dust.
91
00:04:19,635 --> 00:04:21,971
I think what I'm discovering
92
00:04:22,137 --> 00:04:25,432
is that I love the freedom
of having a life
93
00:04:25,599 --> 00:04:28,435
without the burden of family
responsibility, you know?
94
00:04:28,602 --> 00:04:31,146
- What's this?
- It's a pregnancy test.
95
00:04:31,313 --> 00:04:34,483
- You peed on this?
- That's how you use it.
96
00:04:34,650 --> 00:04:37,736
[sighs] Listen, I know
this must be a shock to you,
97
00:04:37,903 --> 00:04:41,198
'cause it certainly is
to me, but...
98
00:04:41,365 --> 00:04:43,283
You're still focused
on the pee stick, aren't you?
99
00:04:43,450 --> 00:04:44,952
I'm just thinking
of a circumstance
100
00:04:45,119 --> 00:04:47,329
where I would hand you
something covered in urine.
101
00:04:47,496 --> 00:04:49,039
I'm fucking pregnant, Terry.
102
00:04:49,206 --> 00:04:51,583
Hey, all right.
103
00:04:51,750 --> 00:04:53,210
How do we know it's yours?
104
00:04:53,377 --> 00:04:54,753
- What?
- [Terry] I don't know.
105
00:04:54,920 --> 00:04:56,588
With all due respect,
you're a little old
106
00:04:56,755 --> 00:04:57,881
to be getting pregnant.
107
00:04:58,048 --> 00:04:59,174
Yeah, and you're a little old
108
00:04:59,341 --> 00:05:01,510
to wear bike shorts,
but here we are.
109
00:05:01,677 --> 00:05:02,803
All right, don't worry.
110
00:05:02,970 --> 00:05:04,722
It'll probably take care
of itself.
111
00:05:04,888 --> 00:05:06,306
That's a lot to ask of a baby.
112
00:05:06,473 --> 00:05:08,976
I mean, my body will absorb it.
113
00:05:09,143 --> 00:05:11,020
No, no, no, you know,
let's think about this.
114
00:05:11,186 --> 00:05:15,149
Maybe, uh--maybe we don't want
to absorb it, you know?
115
00:05:15,315 --> 00:05:18,277
- Maybe we should do this thing.
- [Pat] Really?
116
00:05:18,444 --> 00:05:21,113
Because about ten seconds ago,
117
00:05:21,280 --> 00:05:22,698
all you could talk about
was doing blow
118
00:05:22,865 --> 00:05:24,742
and playing "pickleboard"
with Laird.
119
00:05:24,908 --> 00:05:26,160
It's called pickleball.
120
00:05:26,326 --> 00:05:27,536
It's America's
fastest-growing sport.
121
00:05:27,703 --> 00:05:29,038
I mean, think about it.
122
00:05:29,204 --> 00:05:31,457
I'm out there
trying to find out who I am.
123
00:05:31,623 --> 00:05:33,083
Maybe I'm supposed
to be a parent.
124
00:05:33,250 --> 00:05:34,835
You are a parent.
125
00:05:35,002 --> 00:05:38,047
[Terry] Well, I mean
of a--of a new one, you know?
126
00:05:38,213 --> 00:05:42,051
Wouldn't you like the idea of,
you know, having a little baby
127
00:05:42,217 --> 00:05:44,136
that looks like me and you.
128
00:05:44,303 --> 00:05:46,388
Don't have to imagine.
We have two.
129
00:05:46,555 --> 00:05:49,308
- [Terry] Mm.
- And they were so adorable.
130
00:05:49,475 --> 00:05:51,018
But now they're teenagers.
131
00:05:51,185 --> 00:05:54,354
Yeah, well, we'll be dead
by then for that one.
132
00:05:54,521 --> 00:05:55,814
[chuckles]
133
00:05:55,981 --> 00:05:57,274
And, look,
we get all the good parts,
134
00:05:57,441 --> 00:05:58,650
and then we leave.
135
00:06:00,778 --> 00:06:03,739
All right, well, don't get
too attached to the idea,
136
00:06:03,906 --> 00:06:07,493
because it probably won't get
too attached to my uterus.
137
00:06:07,659 --> 00:06:08,869
Well, if you don't mind,
138
00:06:09,036 --> 00:06:10,996
I'd like to stick around
and find out.
139
00:06:11,163 --> 00:06:12,748
You know,
if we're gonna be a family,
140
00:06:12,915 --> 00:06:17,294
I think it's important
for both of us to be around.
141
00:06:17,461 --> 00:06:19,088
Come on, let's tell the kids.
142
00:06:21,465 --> 00:06:23,300
No fucking way. You promised us
you were getting a divorce.
143
00:06:23,467 --> 00:06:25,010
Does this mean that we're
not getting two Christmases?
144
00:06:25,177 --> 00:06:26,428
Sweetie,
that was never gonna happen.
145
00:06:26,595 --> 00:06:28,013
I don't think
we were gonna do that.
146
00:06:28,180 --> 00:06:29,098
Why would you go back
on the one good thing
147
00:06:29,264 --> 00:06:30,641
you've done for this family?
148
00:06:30,808 --> 00:06:32,101
Why would you promise
a second Christmas?
149
00:06:32,267 --> 00:06:34,144
You know how much
I love first Christmas!
150
00:06:34,311 --> 00:06:36,647
Because your father and I want
to try to make it work.
151
00:06:36,814 --> 00:06:38,607
- And your mom's pregnant.
- Ugh!
152
00:06:38,774 --> 00:06:40,067
- Oh, Terry.
- How did that even happen?
153
00:06:40,234 --> 00:06:42,069
We had unprotected intercourse.
154
00:06:42,236 --> 00:06:43,946
- [Pat] Oh, my God.
- Well, it's true.
155
00:06:44,113 --> 00:06:45,739
Okay, how is it even possible?
You're old.
156
00:06:45,906 --> 00:06:48,158
- People my age can have babies.
- In the Bible.
157
00:06:48,325 --> 00:06:50,160
You're gonna be dead
by the time the baby is four.
158
00:06:50,327 --> 00:06:51,995
- That's the plan.
- From your lips to God's ears.
159
00:06:52,162 --> 00:06:53,539
It's not even gonna be a baby.
160
00:06:53,705 --> 00:06:55,207
I mean, it's gonna be
a sponge with teeth,
161
00:06:55,374 --> 00:06:56,291
and I'm not gonna clean out
its tubes and water it.
162
00:06:56,458 --> 00:06:58,585
Honey, we're a family.
163
00:06:58,752 --> 00:07:00,671
- We're all gonna water it.
- [scoffs]
164
00:07:00,838 --> 00:07:02,422
You're just trying
to save your failed marriage
165
00:07:02,589 --> 00:07:03,757
by having a baby you're gonna
have to carry around
166
00:07:03,924 --> 00:07:05,843
in a ladle.
167
00:07:06,009 --> 00:07:07,845
You're so selfish.
168
00:07:10,597 --> 00:07:12,349
Who wouldn't want more
of those?
169
00:07:12,516 --> 00:07:13,392
- I don't know.
- Yeah.
170
00:07:13,559 --> 00:07:15,686
I'll go talk to her.
171
00:07:15,853 --> 00:07:17,729
[knock at door]
172
00:07:19,648 --> 00:07:22,401
Hey.
173
00:07:22,568 --> 00:07:24,236
I haven't talked to you
in a while.
174
00:07:24,403 --> 00:07:26,280
I know. Thank you.
175
00:07:29,783 --> 00:07:33,745
I was thinking
about your friend Ryan.
176
00:07:33,912 --> 00:07:36,331
If you ever want to talk
177
00:07:36,498 --> 00:07:39,293
about anything
that happened with him,
178
00:07:39,459 --> 00:07:42,379
I'm always here.
179
00:07:42,546 --> 00:07:44,631
I'm good.
180
00:07:46,425 --> 00:07:48,844
Oh, you literally meant
always here.
181
00:07:49,011 --> 00:07:50,679
Gaynor...
182
00:07:50,846 --> 00:07:52,181
Hey.
183
00:07:54,433 --> 00:07:57,436
I want you know
that I would never judge you
184
00:07:57,603 --> 00:07:59,313
for anything that you had to do
185
00:07:59,479 --> 00:08:02,399
to get through
these last few months.
186
00:08:02,566 --> 00:08:07,029
I'm incredibly proud
of how strong you are.
187
00:08:07,196 --> 00:08:10,115
[soft music plays]
188
00:08:10,282 --> 00:08:13,076
- All jokes aside...
- [groans]
189
00:08:13,243 --> 00:08:16,371
...if I really had this baby,
I promise you,
190
00:08:16,538 --> 00:08:20,250
I will not love it
any more than I love you.
191
00:08:20,417 --> 00:08:23,295
♪ ♪
192
00:08:26,381 --> 00:08:27,716
Mom?
193
00:08:29,927 --> 00:08:32,471
Yeah, sweetie?
194
00:08:32,638 --> 00:08:34,681
I bet you will love
the baby more
195
00:08:34,848 --> 00:08:36,600
because it will help
with the dishes.
196
00:08:36,767 --> 00:08:40,562
Because it'll be a sponge or
because it'll have eight arms?
197
00:08:40,729 --> 00:08:42,648
Both.
198
00:08:42,814 --> 00:08:44,066
Cool.
199
00:08:44,233 --> 00:08:46,985
[strange light music plays]
200
00:08:47,152 --> 00:08:49,988
♪ ♪
201
00:08:51,823 --> 00:08:53,951
Book sales are up nationally.
And, oh, this is funny.
202
00:08:54,117 --> 00:08:57,454
A woman in West Virginia
who was reading your book
203
00:08:57,621 --> 00:08:59,581
killed her husband with an ax.
204
00:08:59,748 --> 00:09:01,333
What? How is that funny?
205
00:09:01,500 --> 00:09:03,085
Well,
it's more ironic than funny.
206
00:09:03,252 --> 00:09:04,711
I--You know what?
I actually think it's funny.
207
00:09:04,878 --> 00:09:05,796
I think you're too close to it.
208
00:09:05,963 --> 00:09:07,256
Anyway, women all over
209
00:09:07,422 --> 00:09:09,132
are seeing themselves
in Rosemary.
210
00:09:09,299 --> 00:09:11,051
It's like you're saying
it's okay
211
00:09:11,218 --> 00:09:13,262
for a--an average,
middle-aged woman
212
00:09:13,428 --> 00:09:16,223
to go a little crazy,
and they're fucking loving it.
213
00:09:16,390 --> 00:09:18,809
A little crazy?
She murdered her family.
214
00:09:18,976 --> 00:09:20,644
Well, I think it's a metaphor.
215
00:09:20,811 --> 00:09:22,187
I- I don't know.
You're the writer.
216
00:09:22,354 --> 00:09:24,273
Look, it is all perfect timing
217
00:09:24,439 --> 00:09:27,025
for your appearance at the
Shining Vale Ladies Book Club.
218
00:09:27,192 --> 00:09:29,778
Yeah, it's also perfect timing
for "fat fucking chance."
219
00:09:29,945 --> 00:09:31,947
A woman named Robyn who sounds
like if croquet was a person
220
00:09:32,114 --> 00:09:33,615
said you already agreed.
221
00:09:33,782 --> 00:09:36,285
You're gonna listen to Robyn?
She's fucking crazy.
222
00:09:36,451 --> 00:09:38,328
Well, book clubs
are big business, baby.
223
00:09:38,495 --> 00:09:40,580
I think it's great press
224
00:09:40,747 --> 00:09:42,708
to get a picture of you
doing one in your hometown.
225
00:09:42,874 --> 00:09:44,209
So think about it.
226
00:09:44,376 --> 00:09:45,794
And then do it,
'cause it's tomorrow.
227
00:09:45,961 --> 00:09:47,713
Oh, fine.
All right, hold on one second.
228
00:09:47,879 --> 00:09:49,506
I got to talk
to this little girl.
229
00:09:50,757 --> 00:09:52,050
Hi, sweetie. Oh, my goodness.
230
00:09:52,217 --> 00:09:54,386
Look how cute you are.
[chuckles]
231
00:09:54,553 --> 00:09:56,805
Um, can I get, uh,
a shortbread,
232
00:09:56,972 --> 00:09:59,558
a peanut butter,
um, another peanut butter.
233
00:09:59,725 --> 00:10:01,685
- Say thank you, Chrissie.
- Thank you!
234
00:10:01,852 --> 00:10:03,562
Okay. Not so fast, Chrissie.
235
00:10:03,729 --> 00:10:06,315
I also want, uh,
four mint chocolates.
236
00:10:08,275 --> 00:10:09,568
Okay, I'm done.
237
00:10:09,735 --> 00:10:11,278
Are we shopping
for the apocalypse?
238
00:10:11,445 --> 00:10:12,487
I'm pregnant.
239
00:10:12,654 --> 00:10:15,115
Holy fuck!
240
00:10:15,282 --> 00:10:16,950
Sorry, Chrissie.
241
00:10:17,117 --> 00:10:18,493
Are you sure?
242
00:10:18,660 --> 00:10:20,329
'Cause two years ago,
my grandmother thought
243
00:10:20,495 --> 00:10:22,247
that she was pregnant, and
it was really an impacted shit.
244
00:10:22,414 --> 00:10:25,083
I thought it was, too,
but I am pregnant,
245
00:10:25,250 --> 00:10:28,003
and the only people who know
are you, Terry, and the kids.
246
00:10:28,170 --> 00:10:30,088
- Well, how'd they take it?
- [Pat] Thanks.
247
00:10:30,255 --> 00:10:33,300
Well, Terry was excited,
Gaynor's mean,
248
00:10:33,467 --> 00:10:35,260
and Jake is Jake, you know.
249
00:10:35,427 --> 00:10:38,597
He's easy. I never have
to worry about him.
250
00:10:38,764 --> 00:10:41,475
[rock music playing]
251
00:10:41,641 --> 00:10:42,809
♪ ♪
252
00:10:42,976 --> 00:10:44,436
Ahh.
253
00:10:44,603 --> 00:10:46,730
I'm telling you--
that thing was ringing.
254
00:10:46,897 --> 00:10:48,398
And that wall just opened up
out of nowhere.
255
00:10:48,565 --> 00:10:49,816
[Roxy barks]
256
00:10:49,983 --> 00:10:51,526
It hasn't done that before
or since.
257
00:10:51,693 --> 00:10:53,403
[Roxy barks, growls]
258
00:10:53,570 --> 00:10:55,238
Sorry, girl.
259
00:10:55,405 --> 00:10:57,157
I just don't think
it's happening.
260
00:11:01,495 --> 00:11:03,872
[phone ringing]
261
00:11:04,039 --> 00:11:06,875
[suspenseful music plays]
262
00:11:07,042 --> 00:11:08,210
♪ ♪
263
00:11:08,377 --> 00:11:09,503
[indistinct whispering]
264
00:11:09,669 --> 00:11:11,505
I told you!
265
00:11:11,671 --> 00:11:12,839
[Roxy barks]
266
00:11:13,006 --> 00:11:14,383
[Jake] Roxy!
267
00:11:14,549 --> 00:11:16,635
Roxy!
268
00:11:16,802 --> 00:11:19,679
♪ ♪
269
00:11:19,846 --> 00:11:22,557
[wind howling]
270
00:11:22,724 --> 00:11:25,102
Roxy.
271
00:11:25,268 --> 00:11:26,269
[door slams]
272
00:11:26,436 --> 00:11:29,815
[wind howling]
273
00:11:34,444 --> 00:11:36,571
Oh, no way, perv.
274
00:11:36,738 --> 00:11:39,658
[doorbell rings]
275
00:11:43,870 --> 00:11:45,664
Okay, if you're here
to stalk me,
276
00:11:45,831 --> 00:11:47,499
you should know I come from
a long line of insane women
277
00:11:47,666 --> 00:11:49,251
who chop up men
and get away with it.
278
00:11:49,418 --> 00:11:50,710
[Ennio] Gaynor.
279
00:11:50,877 --> 00:11:53,296
It's nice to see you again.
280
00:11:53,463 --> 00:11:55,465
Hey, did you know
the Valerie "Hee"?
281
00:11:55,632 --> 00:11:57,551
Okay,
it's pronounced Valerie He,
282
00:11:57,717 --> 00:11:59,970
and, uh, no,
I've never heard of her.
283
00:12:00,137 --> 00:12:02,431
You wear medals just like hers.
284
00:12:02,597 --> 00:12:03,640
All right. Are you a cop?
285
00:12:03,807 --> 00:12:05,559
[speaks Italian] No.
286
00:12:05,725 --> 00:12:07,436
I am exorcist.
287
00:12:07,602 --> 00:12:10,439
[bell tolls ominously]
288
00:12:15,944 --> 00:12:17,654
Okay, come in.
289
00:12:17,821 --> 00:12:19,030
[Ennio] Grazie.
290
00:12:19,197 --> 00:12:22,200
[bluesy music plays]
291
00:12:22,367 --> 00:12:24,369
You've had
a remarkable recovery, Terry.
292
00:12:24,536 --> 00:12:26,288
I'll see you in six months.
293
00:12:26,455 --> 00:12:28,039
Actually, there is one thing
I'm a little concerned about.
294
00:12:28,206 --> 00:12:30,208
That's not cocaine. I had
a sesame bagel this morning.
295
00:12:30,375 --> 00:12:32,461
[chuckles]
It's this right here.
296
00:12:32,627 --> 00:12:34,254
The O?
297
00:12:34,421 --> 00:12:36,548
I think it's a blood type,
Doctor. [chuckles]
298
00:12:36,715 --> 00:12:38,633
That's your testosterone.
It's a zero.
299
00:12:38,800 --> 00:12:40,552
What? What does that mean?
300
00:12:40,719 --> 00:12:42,262
It means... [sighs]
301
00:12:42,429 --> 00:12:44,306
...on paper, you're a woman.
302
00:12:44,473 --> 00:12:45,974
Well, just run it again.
303
00:12:46,141 --> 00:12:48,101
I think all the cocaine's
messing with my numbers.
304
00:12:48,268 --> 00:12:50,103
The good news is,
it's extremely treatable.
305
00:12:50,270 --> 00:12:51,855
There's a testosterone cream
that's popular,
306
00:12:52,022 --> 00:12:53,523
but in your case, I'd recommend
307
00:12:53,690 --> 00:12:55,775
a rigorous regimen
of injections.
308
00:12:55,942 --> 00:12:57,652
- And I'd start yesterday.
- [Terry] Yeah.
309
00:12:57,819 --> 00:13:00,822
Well, this is bullshit, okay?
'Cause I'm fine.
310
00:13:00,989 --> 00:13:02,240
I'm fine, motherfucker!
311
00:13:02,407 --> 00:13:04,159
I got a baby coming,
and I got a beard.
312
00:13:04,326 --> 00:13:07,829
And Mrs. Phelps is knocked up.
She's fucking pregnant.
313
00:13:07,996 --> 00:13:10,123
It's up to you,
but if left untreated,
314
00:13:10,290 --> 00:13:12,083
you can expect bone loss,
decreased muscle mass,
315
00:13:12,250 --> 00:13:14,002
hot flashes, depression,
316
00:13:14,169 --> 00:13:15,420
even breast growth.
317
00:13:15,587 --> 00:13:17,088
You can always get
a second opinion.
318
00:13:17,255 --> 00:13:18,590
You want a second opinion?
319
00:13:18,757 --> 00:13:20,509
How about you talk
to my wife's vagina?
320
00:13:25,347 --> 00:13:26,640
What are you
fucking looking at?
321
00:13:26,806 --> 00:13:29,309
- [wind howling ominously]
- Roxy!
322
00:13:37,150 --> 00:13:40,028
[light buzzing]
323
00:13:41,905 --> 00:13:45,325
[squelching]
324
00:13:47,035 --> 00:13:49,412
Ugh!
325
00:13:49,579 --> 00:13:52,165
- [rat squeaking]
- [gasps, grunts]
326
00:13:52,332 --> 00:13:53,208
Sorry, rat.
327
00:13:53,375 --> 00:13:55,085
Ooh.
328
00:13:55,252 --> 00:13:58,213
Roxy, where are you?
329
00:13:58,380 --> 00:14:01,258
[suspenseful music plays]
330
00:14:01,424 --> 00:14:03,552
[Roxy whimpers]
331
00:14:07,764 --> 00:14:10,100
I met Ryan at chastity club,
332
00:14:10,267 --> 00:14:13,186
and me being me, I stupidly
had unprotected sex with him.
333
00:14:13,353 --> 00:14:14,479
So, while he goes to move in
334
00:14:14,646 --> 00:14:16,314
with his really cool uncle
in L.A.,
335
00:14:16,481 --> 00:14:17,816
I'm stuck here
dealing with this shitshow.
336
00:14:17,983 --> 00:14:20,026
Wait. Uh, sorry,
what did you ask me?
337
00:14:20,193 --> 00:14:21,319
[Ennio] Um...
338
00:14:21,486 --> 00:14:23,613
I ask if you like steamed milk.
339
00:14:23,780 --> 00:14:24,864
Ah. [chuckles]
340
00:14:25,031 --> 00:14:27,325
This is a special cappuccino.
341
00:14:27,492 --> 00:14:30,287
If you no like,
you get your money back.
342
00:14:30,453 --> 00:14:31,997
[stammers]
343
00:14:32,163 --> 00:14:35,083
Look, I-I work
in a coffee shop, so...
344
00:14:35,250 --> 00:14:37,502
- Christ, that's really good.
- I have a magic touch.
345
00:14:37,669 --> 00:14:39,879
And we have the same
coffee machine in Italy.
346
00:14:40,046 --> 00:14:41,464
- It's a very good one.
- Oh, yeah.
347
00:14:41,631 --> 00:14:43,633
My dad stole that
from the guy my mom boned.
348
00:14:43,800 --> 00:14:46,970
[chuckles]
You are funny, Gaynor.
349
00:14:47,137 --> 00:14:50,682
Listen, um...
350
00:14:50,849 --> 00:14:52,976
I came here
because the Valerie He
351
00:14:53,143 --> 00:14:55,979
sent a lot of letters to
the Vatican about this house.
352
00:14:56,146 --> 00:14:59,441
She believed there is, um...
353
00:14:59,608 --> 00:15:01,735
a demon living here.
354
00:15:01,901 --> 00:15:04,904
Oh, yeah.
She's not home right now.
355
00:15:05,071 --> 00:15:06,489
Then I'll come back
another day.
356
00:15:06,656 --> 00:15:07,824
Or night.
357
00:15:07,991 --> 00:15:10,702
Uh, day, um,
is probably better.
358
00:15:10,869 --> 00:15:12,120
- Whatever...
- [chuckles]
359
00:15:16,082 --> 00:15:17,459
You have, uh...
360
00:15:17,626 --> 00:15:20,378
[light music plays]
361
00:15:20,545 --> 00:15:22,631
[Gaynor chuckles]
362
00:15:22,797 --> 00:15:25,717
♪ ♪
363
00:15:27,510 --> 00:15:30,847
[chuckles] Eh, I will go now.
364
00:15:32,390 --> 00:15:33,725
Ciao, Gaynor.
365
00:15:35,518 --> 00:15:37,312
[footsteps departing]
366
00:15:37,479 --> 00:15:39,773
Yeah, I have a type.
367
00:15:39,939 --> 00:15:42,692
[light buzzing]
368
00:15:42,859 --> 00:15:44,861
[suspenseful music plays]
369
00:15:45,028 --> 00:15:47,364
What the H is this place?
370
00:15:47,530 --> 00:15:49,324
[baby cries]
371
00:15:49,491 --> 00:15:52,410
♪ ♪
372
00:15:53,578 --> 00:15:55,372
Whoa.
373
00:15:55,538 --> 00:15:57,415
Daisy.
374
00:15:57,582 --> 00:16:00,377
♪ ♪
375
00:16:00,543 --> 00:16:02,629
Whoa.
376
00:16:02,796 --> 00:16:04,339
Boobs. [chuckles]
377
00:16:04,506 --> 00:16:05,965
[Robyn] We are so lucky
378
00:16:06,132 --> 00:16:08,259
to have the author
of this month's book,
379
00:16:08,426 --> 00:16:10,345
Rosemary's Revenge.
380
00:16:10,512 --> 00:16:11,471
Hi, Pat.
381
00:16:11,638 --> 00:16:13,306
Hi, Robyn.
382
00:16:13,473 --> 00:16:14,766
- And ladies.
- [all] Mm-hmm.
383
00:16:14,933 --> 00:16:16,393
Okay, so who's gonna be first?
384
00:16:17,852 --> 00:16:19,562
Mrs. Stephen Edwards.
385
00:16:19,729 --> 00:16:22,899
Well, I loved page four.
386
00:16:23,066 --> 00:16:24,275
[Robyn chuckles]
387
00:16:24,442 --> 00:16:26,444
[Emily] Page four was great,
388
00:16:26,611 --> 00:16:29,322
but page 13
really hit the spot.
389
00:16:29,489 --> 00:16:31,866
Did anyone actually read
the book?
390
00:16:32,033 --> 00:16:33,326
[woman clears throat]
391
00:16:33,493 --> 00:16:34,953
I read it.
392
00:16:35,120 --> 00:16:36,579
And then I read it again.
393
00:16:36,746 --> 00:16:38,164
Oh, good.
394
00:16:38,331 --> 00:16:40,625
And again.
395
00:16:40,792 --> 00:16:42,544
And I fucking loved it.
396
00:16:42,711 --> 00:16:44,587
Oh, thank you,
Principal Woodcock,
397
00:16:44,754 --> 00:16:46,715
for your passionate endorsement.
398
00:16:46,881 --> 00:16:49,300
No, thank you.
399
00:16:49,467 --> 00:16:52,345
Yeah, put this
directly in my veins.
400
00:16:52,512 --> 00:16:54,305
So visceral.
401
00:16:54,472 --> 00:16:56,307
It's like you were inside me.
402
00:16:56,474 --> 00:16:58,351
Okay, why don't you
settle down, Sandy?
403
00:16:58,518 --> 00:17:01,896
Why don't you fuck off, Robyn?
404
00:17:02,063 --> 00:17:04,023
I didn't jump up your asshole
when you lost your dick
405
00:17:04,190 --> 00:17:06,735
to that book about
the singing crawfish last year!
406
00:17:06,901 --> 00:17:08,903
- Oh.
- Okay, wine break.
407
00:17:09,070 --> 00:17:11,489
- Oh, yay.
- [Robyn] Yeah.
408
00:17:11,656 --> 00:17:13,742
I really am a big--
huge fan of yours.
409
00:17:13,908 --> 00:17:15,994
- I can tell.
- Okay.
410
00:17:16,161 --> 00:17:17,704
[whispering] I'm so sorry.
411
00:17:17,871 --> 00:17:19,414
[normal voice] I mean,
she actually reads the book.
412
00:17:19,581 --> 00:17:22,083
Okay, I just--I need
a quick picture for my editor,
413
00:17:22,250 --> 00:17:23,918
and I've got to get out--
I don't feel good.
414
00:17:24,085 --> 00:17:26,504
I mean, you have to have
a glass of Chardonnay at least.
415
00:17:26,671 --> 00:17:29,215
- It's a book club.
- Yeah, I'm not drinking.
416
00:17:29,382 --> 00:17:30,341
- Sushi?
- No.
417
00:17:30,508 --> 00:17:31,509
- Soft cheese?
- I can't.
418
00:17:31,676 --> 00:17:32,844
- Oysters?
- Pass.
419
00:17:33,011 --> 00:17:34,137
- Cigarette?
- I wish. [chuckles]
420
00:17:34,304 --> 00:17:35,638
- Chardonnay?
- You're on a loop.
421
00:17:35,805 --> 00:17:37,348
[chuckles]
422
00:17:37,515 --> 00:17:39,184
The truth is, I am pregnant,
423
00:17:39,350 --> 00:17:41,186
and please,
please don't say anything.
424
00:17:41,352 --> 00:17:42,979
Oh, Pat!
425
00:17:43,146 --> 00:17:46,441
Congratulations!
Congratulations!
426
00:17:46,608 --> 00:17:48,818
[gasps]
You have to see Dr. Skapoli.
427
00:17:48,985 --> 00:17:50,236
We all use him.
428
00:17:50,403 --> 00:17:51,946
Oh, Dr. Skapoli?
429
00:17:52,113 --> 00:17:54,491
- Oh, yum. I love that man.
- [Robyn giggles]
430
00:17:54,657 --> 00:17:57,786
You know, I actually trim up
my hoo-ha before I go see him.
431
00:17:57,952 --> 00:17:59,871
Okay, Mrs. Stephen Edwards.
Ugh!
432
00:18:00,038 --> 00:18:01,539
Is someone pregnant?
433
00:18:01,706 --> 00:18:04,667
- [Robyn] Pat's pregnant!
- [all cheering]
434
00:18:04,834 --> 00:18:06,586
- We are so excited for you!
- Congratulations!
435
00:18:06,753 --> 00:18:08,129
- That's amazing!
- Oh, my God.
436
00:18:08,296 --> 00:18:09,672
- You're really glowing!
- We love you!
437
00:18:09,839 --> 00:18:12,634
- We'll be there for you.
- You're so beautiful.
438
00:18:12,801 --> 00:18:14,803
[indistinct chatter]
439
00:18:14,969 --> 00:18:17,055
Can everyone
just shut the fuck up?
440
00:18:18,640 --> 00:18:20,141
I'm sorry.
441
00:18:20,308 --> 00:18:22,018
I just want a picture.
442
00:18:22,185 --> 00:18:24,521
- Ooh, that's a great idea.
- Oh, that's a great idea.
443
00:18:24,687 --> 00:18:26,147
[indistinct chatter]
444
00:18:26,314 --> 00:18:27,941
[Woodcock]
I need to be in the front.
445
00:18:28,107 --> 00:18:31,027
You suck as a parent,
but you are my fucking hero.
446
00:18:33,446 --> 00:18:35,114
[whispering] I wish I was
that baby inside you.
447
00:18:35,281 --> 00:18:36,616
- Okay.
- [camera shutter clicks]
448
00:18:36,783 --> 00:18:39,077
[all cheering]
449
00:18:39,244 --> 00:18:42,205
[overlapping chatter]
450
00:18:42,372 --> 00:18:43,915
[Pat] What the fuck?
451
00:18:44,082 --> 00:18:46,376
[camera shutter clicks,
camera whirs]
452
00:18:46,543 --> 00:18:49,671
[Gaynor] So, uh, what exactly
are you looking for?
453
00:18:49,838 --> 00:18:52,841
This, that, vapors...
454
00:18:53,007 --> 00:18:55,343
demon-y stuffs.
455
00:18:55,510 --> 00:18:56,636
Wait.
456
00:18:58,471 --> 00:18:59,806
Don't move.
457
00:19:03,268 --> 00:19:05,562
[camera shutter clicks,
camera whirs]
458
00:19:05,728 --> 00:19:06,604
Bella.
459
00:19:06,771 --> 00:19:07,772
Jerk, you scared me.
460
00:19:07,939 --> 00:19:09,274
- Give me that.
- No, no.
461
00:19:09,440 --> 00:19:11,234
- [Gaynor] Stop. Ow.
- [Ennio chuckles]
462
00:19:11,401 --> 00:19:14,529
[Gaynor laughing]
Wait. No fair.
463
00:19:14,696 --> 00:19:17,615
Hey.
464
00:19:17,782 --> 00:19:19,742
- What happens here?
- That's up to you.
465
00:19:19,909 --> 00:19:23,663
No, I mean this bar.
466
00:19:23,830 --> 00:19:25,164
It feels cold.
467
00:19:25,331 --> 00:19:27,625
Ah, it's probably
the ice and shit, hmm.
468
00:19:27,792 --> 00:19:31,045
[camera shutter clicks,
camera whirs]
469
00:19:31,212 --> 00:19:33,298
Okay.
470
00:19:33,464 --> 00:19:34,924
All done.
471
00:19:35,091 --> 00:19:37,677
Don't you have to, like, bless
it or something?
472
00:19:37,844 --> 00:19:40,096
No, I will send this
to the Vatican,
473
00:19:40,263 --> 00:19:42,181
except for this one.
474
00:19:42,348 --> 00:19:44,976
This I keep for good luck.
475
00:19:45,143 --> 00:19:46,644
Shut the fuck up.
476
00:19:46,811 --> 00:19:48,980
- [Ennio chuckles softly]
- Wait. Okay.
477
00:19:49,147 --> 00:19:50,899
I'm gonna take one of you.
478
00:19:55,361 --> 00:19:57,280
- [chuckles]
- [camera shutter clicks]
479
00:19:57,447 --> 00:19:59,991
[dramatic music plays]
480
00:20:00,158 --> 00:20:03,077
♪ ♪
481
00:20:04,746 --> 00:20:06,247
I go now.
482
00:20:06,414 --> 00:20:09,167
Listen, if you feel
or you see anything weird,
483
00:20:09,334 --> 00:20:11,586
you call me, yes?
484
00:20:11,753 --> 00:20:12,921
Yes.
485
00:20:14,672 --> 00:20:16,299
Okay.
486
00:20:16,466 --> 00:20:19,844
[sighs]
487
00:20:20,011 --> 00:20:22,931
♪ ♪
488
00:20:29,145 --> 00:20:30,855
Ciao, bella.
489
00:20:31,022 --> 00:20:33,942
♪ ♪
490
00:20:35,151 --> 00:20:36,277
- [squelching]
- Oh, God damn,
491
00:20:36,444 --> 00:20:37,946
that's a hot exorcist.
492
00:20:38,112 --> 00:20:41,032
- [squelching]
- Huh?
493
00:20:41,199 --> 00:20:43,201
Ugh!
494
00:20:43,368 --> 00:20:45,411
[knock at door]
495
00:20:45,578 --> 00:20:47,705
A little stork told me
you're expecting.
496
00:20:47,872 --> 00:20:50,208
- [Ruth chuckles]
- Wow, that got around quick.
497
00:20:50,375 --> 00:20:52,293
I brought you
some of Leo's things--
498
00:20:52,460 --> 00:20:55,505
Diapers, onesies...
499
00:20:55,672 --> 00:20:57,548
and shoes--never worn.
500
00:20:57,715 --> 00:20:59,258
[Pat] You kept everything?
501
00:20:59,425 --> 00:21:03,179
Well, you can only bury 'em
in one outfit, right?
502
00:21:03,346 --> 00:21:04,472
- Yep.
- [Ruth] So...
503
00:21:04,639 --> 00:21:06,057
you got a good OB-GYN?
504
00:21:06,224 --> 00:21:08,518
I hear Dr. Skapoli is amazing.
505
00:21:08,685 --> 00:21:11,104
Yep, he seems like
the go-to guy in Shining Vale,
506
00:21:11,270 --> 00:21:12,730
but I see Dr. Bellamy
in Manhattan.
507
00:21:12,897 --> 00:21:14,399
Bellamy? I never heard of him.
508
00:21:14,565 --> 00:21:16,109
You sure
you don't mean Schwartz?
509
00:21:16,275 --> 00:21:18,444
No, it's Dr. Bellamy.
He delivered both my kids.
510
00:21:18,611 --> 00:21:20,154
Well, that's ancient history.
511
00:21:20,321 --> 00:21:22,490
When was the last time
you had your hoo-ha checked?
512
00:21:22,657 --> 00:21:24,659
I don't know,
but it wasn't that long ago.
513
00:21:24,826 --> 00:21:26,160
Your biscuit
is not my business,
514
00:21:26,327 --> 00:21:27,996
but that being said,
515
00:21:28,162 --> 00:21:30,289
I will not leave
until you make an appointment.
516
00:21:30,456 --> 00:21:32,625
Okay, fine.
517
00:21:32,792 --> 00:21:34,460
[line trilling]
518
00:21:34,627 --> 00:21:36,838
Hi. Uh, I'd like
to make an appointment
519
00:21:37,005 --> 00:21:39,674
with Dr. Bellamy uh, for early
next week, if that's possible.
520
00:21:39,841 --> 00:21:41,884
This is Pat Phelps.
521
00:21:42,051 --> 00:21:43,845
What? When?
522
00:21:44,012 --> 00:21:45,763
[light music plays]
523
00:21:45,930 --> 00:21:48,391
Okay. Um, yeah, you too.
524
00:21:48,558 --> 00:21:50,268
Thank you.
525
00:21:50,435 --> 00:21:51,769
He died seven years ago.
526
00:21:51,936 --> 00:21:53,479
Well, that's great.
It's settled, then.
527
00:21:53,646 --> 00:21:55,982
We'll set you up
with Dr. Skapoli.
528
00:21:56,149 --> 00:21:59,694
You know, I got a great feeling
about this baby,
529
00:21:59,861 --> 00:22:02,780
and I've never been wrong.
530
00:22:02,947 --> 00:22:04,240
Except once. [chuckles]
531
00:22:04,407 --> 00:22:06,659
I'm so sorry you're not a mom.
532
00:22:06,826 --> 00:22:09,287
You know, it doesn't seem fair
that someone like me
533
00:22:09,454 --> 00:22:12,790
could possibly have a third
and you've never had a shot.
534
00:22:12,957 --> 00:22:15,376
One thing I know--
anyone who is as critical
535
00:22:15,543 --> 00:22:18,171
of her maternal skills
as you are is a damn great mom.
536
00:22:18,337 --> 00:22:20,965
Then I must be the best
'cause I am the fucking worst.
537
00:22:21,132 --> 00:22:22,550
Uh-uh.
538
00:22:22,717 --> 00:22:25,094
I love you.
539
00:22:25,261 --> 00:22:29,557
Other people, they see me
maybe as some kind of kook.
540
00:22:29,724 --> 00:22:33,102
You let me in,
and that means the world to me.
541
00:22:33,269 --> 00:22:36,105
So I'll just give-- Uh...
542
00:22:36,272 --> 00:22:37,857
So...
543
00:22:38,024 --> 00:22:41,194
make sure you call Skapoli.
544
00:22:41,360 --> 00:22:43,321
I love you.
545
00:22:45,323 --> 00:22:47,867
- That is one kooky bitch.
- [Roxy whimpers]
546
00:22:48,034 --> 00:22:50,119
Come here, baby.
Come here. Ooh.
547
00:22:50,286 --> 00:22:52,080
Why are you so dirty?
548
00:22:52,246 --> 00:22:54,332
- [Jake] Mom?
- Yeah.
549
00:22:54,499 --> 00:22:55,875
I'll--I'll be right there.
550
00:22:57,543 --> 00:22:58,920
[Jake] Mom!
551
00:23:01,422 --> 00:23:03,382
[Terry] Pat,
I think I got man tits.
552
00:23:03,549 --> 00:23:04,717
[Pat retching]
553
00:23:04,884 --> 00:23:06,969
Well, I'm disgusted by it, too.
554
00:23:07,136 --> 00:23:08,763
I got an ass. I--
555
00:23:08,930 --> 00:23:12,308
My features are so soft.
556
00:23:12,475 --> 00:23:14,102
I think
this makes you a lesbian.
557
00:23:14,268 --> 00:23:16,062
- [Pat retching]
- Really?
558
00:23:16,229 --> 00:23:18,064
That's supposed to be kind of
in these days, you know?
559
00:23:18,231 --> 00:23:19,607
- [toilet flushing]
- [Pat] Ahh.
560
00:23:19,774 --> 00:23:21,442
[Terry] Oh, God.
561
00:23:21,609 --> 00:23:22,902
[Pat] Uh, I'm sorry.
562
00:23:23,069 --> 00:23:24,570
[clears throat]
563
00:23:24,737 --> 00:23:26,447
What were you saying?
I-I couldn't hear you.
564
00:23:26,614 --> 00:23:28,116
Can you open this for me?
565
00:23:28,282 --> 00:23:30,326
I literally lost the gap
between my thigh and my ass.
566
00:23:30,493 --> 00:23:32,245
It's like a big flap.
567
00:23:32,411 --> 00:23:34,789
Oh, my God, Terry.
Just take the testosterone.
568
00:23:34,956 --> 00:23:36,874
Yeah, it was one thing
to do a bunch of coke,
569
00:23:37,041 --> 00:23:38,960
but do I really want
to put a bunch of...
570
00:23:39,127 --> 00:23:40,586
weird chemicals in my body?
571
00:23:40,753 --> 00:23:42,088
- God damn it.
- [Pat sighs]
572
00:23:42,255 --> 00:23:44,298
Well, you're talking
to the wrong person.
573
00:23:44,465 --> 00:23:46,634
[Terry] Maybe I'm too old
to be a dad.
574
00:23:46,801 --> 00:23:48,136
[grunts, scoffs]
575
00:23:48,302 --> 00:23:51,097
Well, you got the tits
to be a mom.
576
00:23:51,264 --> 00:23:52,849
- [Terry] What the hell, Pat?
- [Pat clears throat]
577
00:23:53,015 --> 00:23:56,936
God, why don't you just
finish me off with the ax now?
578
00:23:57,103 --> 00:23:59,772
[sighs] I'm sorry, sweetie.
579
00:23:59,939 --> 00:24:03,901
I've just been hearing all week
how old I am.
580
00:24:04,068 --> 00:24:05,236
[Terry] You can take it.
581
00:24:07,071 --> 00:24:08,447
You're beautiful.
582
00:24:08,614 --> 00:24:11,033
[Pat chuckles] Thank you.
[inhales deeply]
583
00:24:11,200 --> 00:24:14,495
It's just been a lot.
584
00:24:14,662 --> 00:24:18,166
Well, guess the good news is at
least we're doing it together.
585
00:24:18,332 --> 00:24:20,418
Hmm.
586
00:24:20,585 --> 00:24:23,171
I'm glad you came back
to die with me.
587
00:24:23,337 --> 00:24:24,839
[chuckles]
588
00:24:25,006 --> 00:24:26,716
Yeah, me too.
589
00:24:26,883 --> 00:24:28,217
[gel squelching]
590
00:24:28,384 --> 00:24:30,052
[Dr. Skapoli] Abe Bellamy, hmm?
591
00:24:30,219 --> 00:24:31,721
Well, there's a name
from the past.
592
00:24:31,888 --> 00:24:33,139
He delivered both of our kids.
593
00:24:33,306 --> 00:24:34,932
Oh, you know,
he delivered my wife.
594
00:24:35,099 --> 00:24:37,101
All right, so your uterus
595
00:24:37,268 --> 00:24:39,604
has a nice, beautiful
thick lining,
596
00:24:39,770 --> 00:24:41,689
so I think you've got
a pretty good chance
597
00:24:41,856 --> 00:24:43,983
- at seeing this through.
- Through what? A jar?
598
00:24:44,150 --> 00:24:45,860
Um, I've seen
older pregnancies.
599
00:24:46,027 --> 00:24:48,571
In humans?
600
00:24:48,738 --> 00:24:51,532
No, but, you know,
getting pregnant at your age,
601
00:24:51,699 --> 00:24:53,367
that's the hard part, right?
602
00:24:53,534 --> 00:24:55,870
You have got a good shot
at a healthy baby.
603
00:24:56,037 --> 00:24:57,788
Aw.
604
00:24:57,955 --> 00:25:00,458
So you're saying I'm--I'm just
gonna have a normal pregnancy?
605
00:25:00,625 --> 00:25:02,168
Well, it would be
a geriatric pregnancy.
606
00:25:02,335 --> 00:25:03,878
- Forgive the term.
- I wasn't offended
607
00:25:04,045 --> 00:25:06,255
when I had my first geriatric
pregnancy 18 years ago.
608
00:25:06,422 --> 00:25:08,007
Oh, okay, so then you know
that we just need
609
00:25:08,174 --> 00:25:10,509
to take a little bit
of extra care--that's all.
610
00:25:10,676 --> 00:25:12,845
Okay, so do you guys
want a picture?
611
00:25:13,012 --> 00:25:14,513
Yeah, sure.
612
00:25:14,680 --> 00:25:16,224
- [Dr. Skapoli] Oh.
- No, no, no, honey.
613
00:25:16,390 --> 00:25:17,642
He means of the baby.
614
00:25:17,808 --> 00:25:19,727
[clicks tongue] Yeah.
615
00:25:19,894 --> 00:25:22,104
- [Dr. Skapoli] Huh.
- [static whirs]
616
00:25:22,271 --> 00:25:23,773
That's weird.
617
00:25:23,940 --> 00:25:27,026
Must be a loose cable.
Let me just, uh, check it.
618
00:25:27,193 --> 00:25:28,653
Oh, and there is
one more thing.
619
00:25:28,819 --> 00:25:30,363
Given your mental-health history,
620
00:25:30,529 --> 00:25:33,157
there is a teeny, tiny risk
of pregnancy psychosis.
621
00:25:33,324 --> 00:25:35,451
Now, we think it has to do
with increased hormone levels,
622
00:25:35,618 --> 00:25:38,246
but, really, it's amazing
how much we don't even know.
623
00:25:38,412 --> 00:25:40,331
Anyway, the symptoms
include hallucinations,
624
00:25:40,498 --> 00:25:42,333
delusions, mood swings,
and depression.
625
00:25:42,500 --> 00:25:44,961
Again, it affects such an
itsy-bitsy percentage of women.
626
00:25:45,127 --> 00:25:47,213
I am just ethically obligated
to mention it.
627
00:25:47,380 --> 00:25:49,006
Amazing.
628
00:25:49,173 --> 00:25:52,176
Here, meet your new baby.
629
00:25:52,343 --> 00:25:55,846
[Terry] Aw, look at that.
630
00:25:56,013 --> 00:25:57,431
- A little--a little ba--oh, no.
- [Pat] No.
631
00:25:57,598 --> 00:25:58,641
[Terry] Yeah.
632
00:25:58,808 --> 00:26:00,768
Hey...
633
00:26:00,935 --> 00:26:02,603
baby.
634
00:26:04,480 --> 00:26:05,856
- [screams]
- Oh, God.
635
00:26:06,023 --> 00:26:08,526
- [Terry] God!
- Ah, you're such a baby!
636
00:26:08,693 --> 00:26:10,987
- God!
- It's just a testosterone shot.
637
00:26:11,153 --> 00:26:14,282
[groans]
I think I already feel it.
638
00:26:16,158 --> 00:26:17,535
Look at this.
639
00:26:17,702 --> 00:26:19,078
You'd tell me
if I get too jacked, right?
640
00:26:19,245 --> 00:26:20,788
[Pat] I promise.
641
00:26:20,955 --> 00:26:22,581
[sighs] Or if my balls shrink?
That's a real thing.
642
00:26:22,748 --> 00:26:25,084
Honey, I honestly
don't have the bandwidth
643
00:26:25,251 --> 00:26:27,461
to talk about your balls today.
644
00:26:27,628 --> 00:26:29,380
What's wrong with you?
645
00:26:29,547 --> 00:26:32,300
I don't know.
I'm just thinking, um...
646
00:26:32,466 --> 00:26:36,846
What if I pass my crazy on
to the baby?
647
00:26:37,013 --> 00:26:38,472
[scoffs]
648
00:26:38,639 --> 00:26:41,183
You're gonna pass
so many amazing things on
649
00:26:41,350 --> 00:26:43,269
to this little baby,
650
00:26:43,436 --> 00:26:46,480
and if one
of them's crazy, then...
651
00:26:46,647 --> 00:26:48,899
they'll fix it...
652
00:26:49,066 --> 00:26:51,152
just like they fixed you.
653
00:26:51,319 --> 00:26:53,487
I'm gonna take a shower.
654
00:26:53,654 --> 00:26:56,032
You think I should take a
before picture of my testicles?
655
00:26:56,198 --> 00:26:57,283
Yeah, I do.
656
00:26:57,450 --> 00:26:59,535
Okay, I will.
657
00:26:59,702 --> 00:27:01,329
[laughs] Oh, God.
658
00:27:04,290 --> 00:27:06,125
[Pat sighs]
659
00:27:10,087 --> 00:27:12,882
[soft piano music plays]
660
00:27:13,049 --> 00:27:16,385
You're gonna be okay.
661
00:27:16,552 --> 00:27:17,720
You're gonna be fine.
662
00:27:17,887 --> 00:27:19,138
[distant clanging]
663
00:27:19,305 --> 00:27:21,098
Oh, come on.
664
00:27:21,265 --> 00:27:23,309
[Jake, muffled] Mom?
665
00:27:23,476 --> 00:27:25,603
- Jake?
- [distant clanging]
666
00:27:25,770 --> 00:27:28,356
- Where are you?
- [Jake] In the wall!
667
00:27:28,522 --> 00:27:30,232
[ominous thud]
668
00:27:30,399 --> 00:27:31,400
Which wall?
669
00:27:31,567 --> 00:27:33,736
[rattling]
670
00:27:33,903 --> 00:27:35,946
[Jake] I think I'm downstairs.
671
00:27:38,449 --> 00:27:39,492
Jake?
672
00:27:41,369 --> 00:27:43,746
Jake?
673
00:27:43,913 --> 00:27:45,581
I'm here!
674
00:27:47,291 --> 00:27:50,044
Jake.
675
00:27:50,211 --> 00:27:52,046
Don't stop banging!
676
00:27:52,213 --> 00:27:56,092
[clanging continues]
677
00:27:56,258 --> 00:27:57,968
Don't stop banging!
678
00:27:58,135 --> 00:28:02,181
[clanging continues loudly]
679
00:28:02,348 --> 00:28:04,058
[clanging stops]
680
00:28:04,225 --> 00:28:07,937
Why did you stop banging?
681
00:28:08,104 --> 00:28:09,480
Jake?
682
00:28:11,732 --> 00:28:14,068
[screams]
683
00:28:14,235 --> 00:28:17,154
[suspenseful music plays]
684
00:28:17,321 --> 00:28:19,990
[Jake grunting,
breathing heavily]
685
00:28:21,700 --> 00:28:22,868
Oh, hey, Mom.
686
00:28:23,035 --> 00:28:25,037
Oh, my baby.
687
00:28:25,204 --> 00:28:28,290
Oh, my God, you are a mess.
688
00:28:28,457 --> 00:28:30,543
How long
have you been in there?
689
00:28:30,709 --> 00:28:34,213
Uh, only, like, four hours
and, uh, three days.
690
00:28:34,380 --> 00:28:36,132
♪ ♪
691
00:28:36,298 --> 00:28:38,217
Oh, my God.
692
00:28:38,384 --> 00:28:40,636
I am so sorry.
693
00:28:40,803 --> 00:28:42,221
[sighing] Oh, God.
694
00:28:42,388 --> 00:28:45,099
I promise you...
695
00:28:45,266 --> 00:28:47,184
I'm gonna be a better mom.
696
00:28:47,351 --> 00:28:49,103
I am. I'm gonna be better.
697
00:28:49,270 --> 00:28:51,147
- [Jake] Okay.
- Okay.
698
00:28:51,313 --> 00:28:53,649
Go shower.
699
00:28:53,816 --> 00:28:55,192
- Oh, my God.
- [Jake] Oh.
700
00:28:55,359 --> 00:28:56,777
Can I tell you
about what I found in there?
701
00:28:56,944 --> 00:28:58,863
Spoiler alert--
it's old-timey boobs and candy.
702
00:28:59,029 --> 00:29:00,948
[chuckles] Okay, let's go.
703
00:29:01,115 --> 00:29:03,159
Oh, babe.
704
00:29:03,325 --> 00:29:05,035
Uh...
705
00:29:05,202 --> 00:29:07,997
[soft music plays]
706
00:29:08,164 --> 00:29:11,041
♪ ♪
707
00:29:22,386 --> 00:29:24,763
- Stay away!
- [screams]
708
00:30:02,968 --> 00:30:03,719
[person whistling]
709
00:30:03,886 --> 00:30:04,803
[seagulls crying]
49425
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