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1
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:06,600
'Scenes of violence and strong
language throughout, and scenes that
some viewers may find disturbing.'
2
00:00:33,080 --> 00:00:36,839
Did you see the suaveness
in that?(INDISTINCT)
3
00:00:36,840 --> 00:00:39,680
Oh, yeah, passport to paradise, mate.
4
00:00:41,680 --> 00:00:44,280
Shaun, you're a wanker, man.
5
00:00:44,840 --> 00:00:46,759
They're fucking sweet!
6
00:00:46,760 --> 00:00:50,679
Hey, hey, can you see this? Look!
7
00:00:50,680 --> 00:00:55,320
We're gonna see loads of them!
Lovely young ladies. Hello, baby.
8
00:00:55,520 --> 00:00:57,520
Oh, hang on!
9
00:00:59,240 --> 00:01:02,440
You'll never use them, mate.
Extra sensation - come on!
10
00:01:03,120 --> 00:01:05,720
What a lovely pussy you've got.
11
00:01:07,240 --> 00:01:09,240
Hey, Rick, look at that.
12
00:01:10,920 --> 00:01:13,720
Give a little wave for the camera.
13
00:01:14,360 --> 00:01:17,760
Departures,
that's where we're going next!
14
00:01:19,400 --> 00:01:24,920
Shaun, this is the beginning
of a beautiful two weeks in Ibiza.
15
00:01:27,000 --> 00:01:29,000
Hey, give us a wave!
16
00:01:38,120 --> 00:01:40,120
(LAUGHS)
17
00:01:40,680 --> 00:01:42,719
Hello, there you go.
18
00:01:42,720 --> 00:01:49,919
Why did he let you through when he checked me for six fucking
hours? Cos he's mad. Amigo, that's why he let me through.
19
00:01:49,920 --> 00:01:54,839
Do I look like a dodgy person? You are
a dodgy person. Do I really look dodgy?
20
00:01:54,840 --> 00:01:58,800
You look and you are. Little
innocent face - I think not.
21
00:02:00,200 --> 00:02:07,039
Oh, dear. What's that? Dirty Scouse.
Very shocking thing you've seen.
22
00:02:07,040 --> 00:02:09,239
Shaun... shaking the wee.
23
00:02:09,240 --> 00:02:10,840
Fuck off.
24
00:02:11,680 --> 00:02:16,399
Rick Chapman 003½ -
international man of mystery,
25
00:02:16,400 --> 00:02:20,639
licence to kill, but still
needs his mam to wash his undies.
26
00:02:20,640 --> 00:02:24,280
Fuck off!
Look at the fucking tits on that!
27
00:02:24,600 --> 00:02:29,079
Jesus Christ! Look at that.
That's gorgeous. I'm in there.
28
00:02:29,080 --> 00:02:30,839
Oh, charming!
29
00:02:30,840 --> 00:02:33,959
Hello, you all right?
Yeah, I'm fine. Welcome.
30
00:02:33,960 --> 00:02:37,360
Did it hurt, love,
when you fell from heaven?
31
00:02:37,640 --> 00:02:40,479
I'm sweaty. It's hot, innit?
32
00:02:40,480 --> 00:02:42,880
Get one of them for Paul, mate.
33
00:02:44,960 --> 00:02:47,320
I wanted you to know, Paul...
34
00:02:47,520 --> 00:02:52,159
I wanted you to know, Paul,
that Rick and me are thinking of you
35
00:02:52,160 --> 00:02:56,199
licking stamps or arses,
or whatever it is you do,
36
00:02:56,200 --> 00:02:59,760
while we cruise the streets
of paradise.
37
00:03:01,520 --> 00:03:05,320
As you can see, mate,
it's the spitting image of Oldham.
38
00:03:07,360 --> 00:03:11,599
Oh, my God! Oh, you're well worth
a fiver, sweetheart.
39
00:03:11,600 --> 00:03:14,399
Tie me shoes. Have a quick look there
40
00:03:14,400 --> 00:03:16,160
Oh, my...
41
00:03:16,760 --> 00:03:22,679
Hello, sweetheart. Give us a wave. Say
hello, Paul. Hello, Paul. She's wonderful!
42
00:03:22,680 --> 00:03:26,839
It's the beach! I hope you're not getting
a bikini on.
43
00:03:26,840 --> 00:03:29,279
Shaun has spotted one for Paul.
44
00:03:29,280 --> 00:03:33,719
Here's one for Paul. Can you just
wave for the camera, love?
45
00:03:33,720 --> 00:03:38,399
Say hello, Paul. Oh, yes,
the beautiful Mediterranean.
46
00:03:38,400 --> 00:03:40,679
Oi, Shaun! What?
47
00:03:40,680 --> 00:03:44,559
How much is 2,000
potatoes? Er, 2,000 pesetas?
48
00:03:44,560 --> 00:03:48,199
Too much for that hat.
You look like Liam Gallagher!
49
00:03:48,200 --> 00:03:51,799
(SCOUSE) Mad for it!
Look, her with her tits out!
50
00:03:51,800 --> 00:03:53,799
Very funny.
51
00:03:53,800 --> 00:03:56,119
Jesus Christ, look at that.
52
00:03:56,120 --> 00:03:58,119
Oh, good though, innit?
53
00:03:58,120 --> 00:04:00,519
Takes your mind off things.
54
00:04:00,520 --> 00:04:06,479
Oh, my word! Thank you. Oh, Paul, look what
you're missing out on here.
55
00:04:06,480 --> 00:04:12,400
Oh, baby. I have to have a tug. There'll
be none of that when I'm in that room.
56
00:04:12,600 --> 00:04:16,799
Shaun, the wanker,
has run off with my Gallagher hat
57
00:04:16,800 --> 00:04:19,360
and I'm gonna give him a hiding!
58
00:04:20,360 --> 00:04:24,879
Little Oldham lout
is running my fucking arse off!
59
00:04:24,880 --> 00:04:26,920
(LAUGHS)
60
00:04:27,800 --> 00:04:30,239
Are you ready for this, Paul?
61
00:04:30,240 --> 00:04:34,159
I have the little Oldham wanker
in a headlock!
62
00:04:34,160 --> 00:04:38,120
(GASPS FOR BREATH) I
now have my Gallagher hat.
63
00:04:40,040 --> 00:04:43,439
So he's thinking he was in there
with this bird
64
00:04:43,440 --> 00:04:47,879
and she walks off with this other
bloke. That was her mate's boyfriend.
65
00:04:47,880 --> 00:04:49,879
You looked a prat!
66
00:04:49,880 --> 00:04:53,919
There's a lot of dodgy places
here, better off on the beach.
67
00:04:53,920 --> 00:04:55,919
What's the best club?
68
00:04:55,920 --> 00:05:00,479
Depends what you're looking for.
Pussy, mate. That's what he's after.
69
00:05:00,480 --> 00:05:04,239
I can recommend a couple of placesYeah?
70
00:05:04,240 --> 00:05:08,879
This is nice.
What did this set you back? It's a mate's.
71
00:05:08,880 --> 00:05:13,679
He was supposed to come with us
so I'm making this video for him.
72
00:05:13,680 --> 00:05:17,039
These are well cheap
in the Far East.
73
00:05:17,040 --> 00:05:20,880
Cheers, mate. What's
your mate's name? Paul,
74
00:05:21,600 --> 00:05:23,399
the ratbag.
75
00:05:23,400 --> 00:05:27,359
All right, Paul, I'm Alex,
sorry you couldn't make it,
76
00:05:27,360 --> 00:05:33,559
cos we've got a shortage of blokes, so these
two are on double shifts. I fucking wish.
77
00:05:33,560 --> 00:05:37,040
Here's to a good week.
I'll have one for you, Paul.
78
00:05:37,240 --> 00:05:39,640
♪ RAVE MUSIC
79
00:05:42,000 --> 00:05:44,120
COME ON!
80
00:06:02,120 --> 00:06:04,320
COME ON!
81
00:06:11,520 --> 00:06:15,399
I tell you what, I don't know
how far up Mandy's legs go,
82
00:06:15,400 --> 00:06:18,519
but when I get to the top,
I'll be in heaven.
83
00:06:18,520 --> 00:06:21,839
Get to the back of the queue!
She likes Alex.
84
00:06:21,840 --> 00:06:26,039
Fuck off! He's old enough
to be her sugar daddy's granddaddy.
85
00:06:26,040 --> 00:06:30,039
Anyway, only thing he's
interested in is class A drugs.
86
00:06:30,040 --> 00:06:33,839
Hey! Look up! There's
fucking £50 worth here.
87
00:06:33,840 --> 00:06:36,799
Wave to your mam! Fuck off, you prat!
88
00:06:36,800 --> 00:06:38,800
(LAUGHS)
89
00:07:15,840 --> 00:07:18,240
Let's play happy families!
90
00:07:25,280 --> 00:07:27,280
SCREAMING
91
00:07:32,080 --> 00:07:35,920
All right, Paul, you are
missing out, I am telling you.
92
00:07:37,720 --> 00:07:39,720
WHOOPING
93
00:08:03,880 --> 00:08:05,880
All right, Paul?
94
00:08:06,080 --> 00:08:08,080
Jesus!
95
00:08:09,400 --> 00:08:11,399
This is my apartment.
96
00:08:11,400 --> 00:08:13,759
Really? Oh, my God!
97
00:08:13,760 --> 00:08:17,039
Oh, you posh bastard! You
must be bloody minted, man!
98
00:08:17,040 --> 00:08:20,319
Can you talk to people from that?
99
00:08:20,320 --> 00:08:22,319
(GIRLS GASP)
100
00:08:22,320 --> 00:08:24,520
Now, that is classy.
101
00:08:28,400 --> 00:08:30,399
A pool!
102
00:08:30,400 --> 00:08:33,719
Jesus, it's like
your maw's house in Possil.
103
00:08:33,720 --> 00:08:38,360
Aye, she hangs the washing from
that tree over to that whirly tree.
104
00:08:42,840 --> 00:08:45,359
Right, my babies, what have we got?
105
00:08:45,360 --> 00:08:49,999
We have beers, spirits, a selection
of fine wines and champagnes.
106
00:08:50,000 --> 00:08:55,119
And in the goodie box tonight, we
got pills, charlie, and... Whatever.
107
00:08:55,120 --> 00:08:58,439
Tuck in. Get your laughing gear
round that lot.
108
00:08:58,440 --> 00:09:01,839
There's everything!
£20 says he's a dealer.
109
00:09:01,840 --> 00:09:07,119
If he's a dealer, why the fuck's he giving
it away? He's probably a fucking retired DJ.
110
00:09:07,120 --> 00:09:09,799
Fat Boy Slim makes £20,000 a night.
111
00:09:09,800 --> 00:09:11,959
This place is like a Ferrari -
112
00:09:11,960 --> 00:09:16,080
you gotta be an old fart to
afford it, then what's the point?
113
00:09:16,280 --> 00:09:20,960
DJ, dealer, whatever, I wouldn't
care - not for a place like this.
114
00:09:21,320 --> 00:09:26,599
Hello, Paul. Welcome to paradise.
Welcome to my new home.
115
00:09:26,600 --> 00:09:29,919
How much do you reckon
a place like this costs?
116
00:09:29,920 --> 00:09:32,599
Loads. Stick some music on, Ricky.
117
00:09:32,600 --> 00:09:35,360
Where is it? Just through there, mate.
118
00:09:35,600 --> 00:09:39,720
Fucking 'ey!
Fucking all stars here, eh?
119
00:09:41,080 --> 00:09:43,880
CRACKLINGMUSIC STARTS
120
00:09:44,000 --> 00:09:48,919
I don't think it's scientifically
proven, but Casanova swore by it.
121
00:09:48,920 --> 00:09:52,719
Looks pretty dangerous to me,
mate. Yeah, well, it is for the oyster.
122
00:09:52,720 --> 00:09:54,720
You get a knife,
123
00:09:55,000 --> 00:09:57,399
squeeze it in opposite the hinge,
124
00:09:57,400 --> 00:10:01,919
give it a twist - that separates
the shell, open it up like that.
125
00:10:01,920 --> 00:10:05,119
And that's alive, yeah?
Alive and kicking, mate.
126
00:10:05,120 --> 00:10:09,400
Slip the knife under the oyster,
cut the inductor muscle...
127
00:10:11,080 --> 00:10:13,399
and then flip it over, et voila.
128
00:10:13,400 --> 00:10:17,639
Do you wanna try it? No, I
only eat from the furry plant.
129
00:10:17,640 --> 00:10:21,080
(LAUGHS) Here you go, mate.
Get a crack of that.
130
00:10:31,360 --> 00:10:34,879
Go on, Shaun.
Yer dirty bastard, go on!
131
00:10:34,880 --> 00:10:36,880
(LAUGHS)
132
00:10:39,280 --> 00:10:44,639
Oh, I can feel it working already.
I've got a fuckin' hard on coming on!
133
00:10:44,640 --> 00:10:48,159
Oh, God,
it tastes like sea water and snot.
134
00:10:48,160 --> 00:10:51,879
Are you gonna give each other
blow jobs or what?
135
00:10:51,880 --> 00:10:53,879
Where's the ice?
136
00:10:53,880 --> 00:10:55,879
Here y'are, Mandy.
137
00:10:55,880 --> 00:10:58,840
Mandy! Hurry up with
that ice! Two secs, honey.
138
00:10:58,920 --> 00:11:01,479
Hey, Mandy, ever had an oyster?
139
00:11:01,480 --> 00:11:04,279
No. Wouldn't mind trying, though.
140
00:11:04,280 --> 00:11:06,120
(GIGGLES)
141
00:11:06,320 --> 00:11:10,839
As you can see, Paul, the whole
thing's been a fucking disaster
142
00:11:10,840 --> 00:11:13,319
and I really wish I hadn't come(!)
143
00:11:13,320 --> 00:11:16,799
I mean, it's probably a good idea
you didn't come.
144
00:11:16,800 --> 00:11:19,519
(GIRLS SCREAM)Wa-hey!
145
00:11:19,520 --> 00:11:22,240
In fact, it's a fucking nightmare(!)
146
00:11:23,320 --> 00:11:25,319
(BOTH LAUGH)
147
00:11:25,320 --> 00:11:27,599
Mandy, give us a wave! Mandy!
148
00:11:27,600 --> 00:11:29,599
Hello, Paul!
149
00:11:29,600 --> 00:11:33,840
Shaun's fucking choking
on the fucking...
150
00:11:46,520 --> 00:11:51,520
The thing is, Shaun, right, when
you're doing lines with Daz Ultra,
151
00:11:51,720 --> 00:11:55,159
not enough,
and you won't clean your nose,
152
00:11:55,160 --> 00:11:59,399
too much - you'll be blowing
bubbles out your arse for a week.
153
00:11:59,400 --> 00:12:01,799
Didn't know you were so domestic.
154
00:12:01,800 --> 00:12:03,799
OI!
155
00:12:03,800 --> 00:12:06,440
Oi! Are you boys coming in or what?
156
00:12:06,640 --> 00:12:08,639
I'm coming in.
157
00:12:08,640 --> 00:12:10,639
I'm coming.
158
00:12:10,640 --> 00:12:12,639
SQUEALING
159
00:12:12,640 --> 00:12:14,640
Oi, Shaun!
160
00:12:26,320 --> 00:12:29,439
Hello, Shaun. Are you coming inside?
161
00:12:29,440 --> 00:12:32,079
The water's very warm.
162
00:12:32,080 --> 00:12:34,079
Ģ I'm gonna capsize.
163
00:12:34,080 --> 00:12:36,399
Are you getting in or what, Shaun?
164
00:12:36,400 --> 00:12:39,040
Yeah. Yeah. Ah, fuckin'...
165
00:12:39,600 --> 00:12:41,600
Stoned, man.
166
00:12:50,640 --> 00:12:52,639
HEAVY BREATHING
167
00:12:52,640 --> 00:12:54,640
(BOTH GIGGLE)
168
00:13:30,200 --> 00:13:32,200
GROANING
169
00:13:33,560 --> 00:13:35,560
(MOANS AND GIGGLES)
170
00:13:36,560 --> 00:13:38,560
Whee-hee!
171
00:14:07,920 --> 00:14:10,559
As you will learn one day, Paul,
172
00:14:10,560 --> 00:14:14,520
a woman can stand
only so many orgasms,
173
00:14:14,680 --> 00:14:17,879
and she were
fucking begging me to stop.
174
00:14:17,880 --> 00:14:21,639
Only because
you were sticking it up her arse.
175
00:14:21,640 --> 00:14:23,959
Fucking dirty bastard.
176
00:14:23,960 --> 00:14:25,960
Up her arrrse.
177
00:14:27,200 --> 00:14:30,479
Hey, hey, Alexio, you is da man!
178
00:14:30,480 --> 00:14:36,559
Too kind, boys. Time for dessert.
Phenodahydrochloride Benzorax.
179
00:14:36,560 --> 00:14:38,560
Enjoy.
180
00:14:45,800 --> 00:14:47,800
(CHUCKLES)
181
00:14:49,240 --> 00:14:51,239
Hey! The Oldham boys!
182
00:14:51,240 --> 00:14:53,239
The Oldham boys!
183
00:14:53,240 --> 00:14:55,839
BOTH: Oldham boys!
184
00:14:55,840 --> 00:14:59,200
BOTH: Oldham boys! Oldham boys.
185
00:14:59,480 --> 00:15:01,680
BOTH: Oldham boys!
186
00:15:06,000 --> 00:15:08,000
Shaun.
187
00:15:08,400 --> 00:15:10,960
Shaun. Oh, shit!
188
00:15:13,600 --> 00:15:15,600
Shaun.
189
00:15:16,680 --> 00:15:18,680
Hey, Shaun.
190
00:15:22,480 --> 00:15:24,480
(LAUGHS)
191
00:15:25,760 --> 00:15:27,759
(LAUGHS HYSTERICALLY)
192
00:15:27,760 --> 00:15:32,000
I'm gonna get a razor
and shave your 'ead.
193
00:15:40,920 --> 00:15:42,920
(LAUGHS HELPLESSLY)
194
00:15:57,560 --> 00:15:59,560
LAUGHTER
195
00:15:59,760 --> 00:16:02,159
So he's sitting there with his maw
196
00:16:02,160 --> 00:16:05,919
going "This is the villa,
this is Rick by the beach."
197
00:16:05,920 --> 00:16:09,639
And suddenly your tits
are gonna be all over the screen.
198
00:16:09,640 --> 00:16:11,879
No - yours, not mine.
199
00:16:11,880 --> 00:16:16,720
I'm doing the filming. Right,
come on. Let's go make a movie!
200
00:16:24,920 --> 00:16:29,999
Have you got the Viagra this time?
Fuck that - you'd need a bicycle pump!
201
00:16:30,000 --> 00:16:32,000
(BOTH LAUGH)
202
00:16:32,440 --> 00:16:34,440
BOTH: Ooh.
203
00:16:35,080 --> 00:16:38,679
It was a dark, dark night
and the girls were alone.
204
00:16:38,680 --> 00:16:43,559
Or so they thought. A noise woke
them and they went to investigate.
205
00:16:43,560 --> 00:16:47,839
There were r... There were rumours
of the evil Doctor Dildo
206
00:16:47,840 --> 00:16:50,239
but no-one had actually seen him.
207
00:16:50,240 --> 00:16:54,839
They just had multiple orgasms
when he made house calls.
208
00:16:54,840 --> 00:16:57,359
But tonight... was different.
209
00:16:57,360 --> 00:17:00,759
Tonight, they'd get to see him
in the flesh.
210
00:17:00,760 --> 00:17:03,440
♪ Dum, dum, du-u-u-um!
211
00:17:04,320 --> 00:17:08,319
Well, boys,
aren't you a disappointment?
212
00:17:08,320 --> 00:17:12,999
I've had more stimulation on
a Blackpool donkey. What about you?
213
00:17:13,000 --> 00:17:18,199
He managed 30 seconds of huffing and
puffing. I felt like a little piggy!
214
00:17:18,200 --> 00:17:22,479
Aye, that's what he said. Oi,
you! Did he blow your house down?
215
00:17:22,480 --> 00:17:25,880
Did he bollocks!
He had a nice arse, though.
216
00:17:26,800 --> 00:17:28,799
Aye, let's see.
217
00:17:28,800 --> 00:17:30,799
(BOTH SCREAM)
218
00:17:30,800 --> 00:17:36,200
Now's your chance. There's two of us
and we're gagging for it.
219
00:17:38,200 --> 00:17:40,199
Shh.
220
00:17:40,200 --> 00:17:43,800
Ooh, come on, stallion,
you sex machine.
221
00:17:44,760 --> 00:17:47,999
Fuck me. Fuck us both! (LAUGHS)
222
00:17:48,000 --> 00:17:50,199
Come on, do it to me.
223
00:17:50,200 --> 00:17:52,240
(LAUGHS)
224
00:17:53,560 --> 00:17:55,559
Hello?
225
00:17:55,560 --> 00:17:57,559
(GIGGLES)
226
00:17:57,560 --> 00:17:59,879
What you gonna do now? Typical.
227
00:17:59,880 --> 00:18:06,559
Well, Shaun, you missed your chance
but now it's on film, you can dream
about what might have been.
228
00:18:06,560 --> 00:18:08,919
What about you? You stallion.
229
00:18:08,920 --> 00:18:12,319
Do you reckon
you could handle us both
230
00:18:12,320 --> 00:18:15,280
or are you still Mr Flopsy Wopsy?
231
00:18:16,120 --> 00:18:18,119
What the fuck...?
232
00:18:18,120 --> 00:18:20,119
OBJECTS CRASHING TO FLOOR
233
00:18:20,120 --> 00:18:22,119
SHOUTING
234
00:18:22,120 --> 00:18:24,119
SCREAMING
235
00:18:24,120 --> 00:18:26,120
We were only joking!
236
00:18:36,440 --> 00:18:38,440
BLEEPING
237
00:18:44,920 --> 00:18:46,920
BLEEPING CONTINUES
238
00:19:01,560 --> 00:19:04,199
Jesus! Wake up, you lazy get.
239
00:19:04,200 --> 00:19:06,959
Oh, my head. Ohh.
240
00:19:06,960 --> 00:19:09,600
A couple of beers and a few tabs?
241
00:19:10,040 --> 00:19:12,040
You're soft, you are.
242
00:19:12,240 --> 00:19:14,919
Fancy being sick in the pool.
243
00:19:14,920 --> 00:19:18,479
What you on about?
I wasn't fuckin' sick, was I?
244
00:19:18,480 --> 00:19:23,439
Yeah, you were. You were sick all
over your bird. Don't you remember?
245
00:19:23,440 --> 00:19:25,960
She was well fucking ugly, anyway.
246
00:19:26,840 --> 00:19:28,839
No!
247
00:19:28,840 --> 00:19:33,319
Know what? I can't remember nothing
about last night, mate.
248
00:19:33,320 --> 00:19:35,719
Aye, it's a bit of a blur, isn't it?
249
00:19:35,720 --> 00:19:39,520
I vaguely remember having a shag
but that's about it.
250
00:19:44,280 --> 00:19:46,560
You did get a shag, I hope?
251
00:19:47,040 --> 00:19:51,240
Yeah, course I did, mate.
I gave her a right good seeing to.
252
00:19:51,480 --> 00:19:56,159
Move that! I think it's best
if we leave the sex machine
253
00:19:56,160 --> 00:20:00,639
and I'll take you on a little tour
of paradise, Paul. Follow me.
254
00:20:00,640 --> 00:20:03,319
As you see, it's very Mediterranean.
255
00:20:03,320 --> 00:20:08,079
I like these stairs but you've
got to be careful when you're ratted
256
00:20:08,080 --> 00:20:10,199
cos they're a bit triangular.
257
00:20:10,200 --> 00:20:12,519
You have to... There's me shirt.
258
00:20:12,520 --> 00:20:15,239
Let's see if anyone's up. No.
259
00:20:15,240 --> 00:20:17,439
I tell you - this place is huge.
260
00:20:17,440 --> 00:20:19,599
It's got all the gadgets, too.
261
00:20:19,600 --> 00:20:22,999
Look - widescreen TV, Sky, DVD,
262
00:20:23,000 --> 00:20:25,879
there's the Union Jack there - YEAH!
263
00:20:25,880 --> 00:20:30,799
What a night we had last night. Look
at this - the remains of the night.
264
00:20:30,800 --> 00:20:33,119
Fantastic. Look at those decks.
265
00:20:33,120 --> 00:20:37,279
There's speakers everywhere
and this... this is the pool.
266
00:20:37,280 --> 00:20:39,280
Beautiful.
267
00:20:40,120 --> 00:20:42,120
LENS ZOOMING
268
00:20:54,920 --> 00:20:56,919
(What the fuck is it?)
269
00:20:56,920 --> 00:20:58,920
Oh, fuck!
270
00:21:06,160 --> 00:21:08,160
Oh, no.
271
00:21:09,960 --> 00:21:11,960
Fuck.
272
00:21:13,000 --> 00:21:15,000
ZOOM LENS
273
00:21:26,240 --> 00:21:28,239
RICK! RICK!
274
00:21:28,240 --> 00:21:30,639
COME 'ERE! Get up now! Quick!
275
00:21:30,640 --> 00:21:34,759
Get up! For God's sake.
Come with me, please! Come with me.
276
00:21:34,760 --> 00:21:37,320
Quick.
277
00:21:42,120 --> 00:21:44,360
What the fuckin' hell's that?
278
00:21:46,840 --> 00:21:48,839
ZOOM
279
00:21:48,840 --> 00:21:50,840
Where the fuck are they?
280
00:21:50,880 --> 00:21:56,240
Must have had an accident
or something. Major fuckin' accident.
There's shitloads of blood here.
281
00:21:58,600 --> 00:22:01,800
Shit. PHONE
282
00:22:01,840 --> 00:22:04,640
Fuck. Shit.
283
00:22:07,040 --> 00:22:11,760
ANSWERPHONE: "Alex is either out or
out. Leave a message if you must."
284
00:22:11,800 --> 00:22:15,000
"It's Thomas. I'll be there in 20."
285
00:22:15,040 --> 00:22:20,760
"I'll come down..." Fuck.
We've got to clean this shit up.
286
00:22:20,800 --> 00:22:25,200
No way! We've got to get out of
here! We can't leave that mess!
287
00:22:25,240 --> 00:22:32,800
It's nothing to do with us! Alex told him we
were coming here. He'll think that mess was us,
288
00:22:32,840 --> 00:22:35,000
whatever the fuck went on!
289
00:22:35,040 --> 00:22:39,920
But what if... I'm not spending my holiday
in some cheap jail!
290
00:22:39,960 --> 00:22:43,800
Yeah, but... We're leaving here now! Now!
291
00:22:47,320 --> 00:22:49,800
Let's get going, Shaun.
292
00:22:54,400 --> 00:22:57,640
"Have some fuckin' drugs!" Hurry up!
293
00:22:58,320 --> 00:23:00,360
Get all the teeny bits.
294
00:23:00,400 --> 00:23:06,240
I don't give a shit.
A little cut doesn't matter. Shit.
295
00:23:09,640 --> 00:23:14,360
He's fuckin' useless, that bloke.
Christ, it's fuckin' everywhere!
296
00:23:17,120 --> 00:23:19,720
It's not even coming off.
297
00:23:19,920 --> 00:23:25,640
Get me some water!
We've got about 10 fuckin' minutes!
298
00:23:26,600 --> 00:23:29,240
Get the fuckin' brush!
299
00:23:32,720 --> 00:23:35,760
It's everywhere! I can't get it!
300
00:23:35,800 --> 00:23:38,320
Go get some bin bags!
301
00:23:38,360 --> 00:23:40,320
Shit! Shit!
302
00:24:24,480 --> 00:24:26,880
Fuckin' everywhere!
303
00:24:37,600 --> 00:24:40,040
You must remember something, Shaun.
304
00:24:40,080 --> 00:24:42,640
I can remember getting back here,
305
00:24:42,680 --> 00:24:46,040
having a few beers, some tabs.
306
00:24:46,640 --> 00:24:49,240
I remember shagging Mandy, that's it.
307
00:24:49,280 --> 00:24:54,400
I can't remember fuck all. Well, whatever
happened, let's just get out of here.
308
00:24:54,440 --> 00:24:56,840
Shaun, where's your camera?
309
00:24:57,040 --> 00:24:59,120
Your fuckin' camera.
310
00:25:02,680 --> 00:25:04,600
Right, come on...
311
00:25:07,080 --> 00:25:09,720
"Shaun managed about 30 seconds!"
312
00:25:09,760 --> 00:25:12,080
"I felt like a little piggy!"
313
00:25:12,120 --> 00:25:14,120
"Hey, you!"
314
00:25:14,160 --> 00:25:16,280
When did they do this?
315
00:25:16,320 --> 00:25:19,720
Obviously when we were fucked.
316
00:25:19,760 --> 00:25:23,400
The last time I had the camera,
I were filming you.
317
00:25:23,440 --> 00:25:26,880
That's my arse. They're
taking the piss out of ya.
318
00:25:26,920 --> 00:25:29,400
Fuckin' bitches.
319
00:25:29,440 --> 00:25:32,960
They're taking the piss
out of you, mate.
320
00:25:33,000 --> 00:25:36,840
Good job they have cleared off,
I'm telling you.
321
00:25:38,000 --> 00:25:40,120
Oh, that's right, you had to!
322
00:25:40,160 --> 00:25:43,200
You bitch. You bitch!
323
00:25:47,400 --> 00:25:52,840
"Hey, you! Oh, for goodness sake..."
324
00:25:54,560 --> 00:25:57,000
FILM CUTS OUT
325
00:25:58,880 --> 00:26:02,520
What was that? I don't know what it was.
326
00:26:02,640 --> 00:26:05,720
What was that last
bit? I don't know, Shaun!
327
00:26:06,760 --> 00:26:11,600
I was asleep. Come on,
we've got some stuff to clear away.
328
00:26:11,640 --> 00:26:14,160
Shaun, hurry up!
329
00:26:38,880 --> 00:26:41,040
Fuck, he's here.
330
00:26:41,080 --> 00:26:43,800
Just be cool, all right?
331
00:26:43,840 --> 00:26:48,200
Actually, I'm leaving. One final gig
and I'm outta here, man.
332
00:26:48,400 --> 00:26:51,160
Fancy a doughnut?
333
00:26:55,000 --> 00:26:57,240
No, you're all right.
334
00:26:57,280 --> 00:26:59,280
Fair enough.
335
00:26:59,320 --> 00:27:04,200
So, tell me about
the rest of your night. Fantastic, yeah.
336
00:27:04,240 --> 00:27:09,120
What did you get up to? Came back here.
With the girls? Yeah. Had a few beers,
337
00:27:09,320 --> 00:27:11,720
had a bit of a party. It was top.
338
00:27:11,760 --> 00:27:17,120
Must've been a wild night, man. I've
never known Alex to sleep past nine.
339
00:27:17,160 --> 00:27:23,640
He's an old man. Can't hack the pace
any more. No, Rick... He's not here.
340
00:27:23,680 --> 00:27:26,480
Actually, we don't know where he is.
341
00:27:29,160 --> 00:27:35,480
Yeah, we got up pretty late. Probably didn't
want to disturb us. So he's not actually here?
342
00:27:35,520 --> 00:27:37,520
Shit.
343
00:27:37,560 --> 00:27:41,240
That's kinda weird.
He never left a note or nothing?
344
00:27:41,280 --> 00:27:44,200
No.No? Hm...
345
00:27:46,160 --> 00:27:49,440
So, uh... how were the girls?
346
00:27:54,760 --> 00:27:57,000
Ach...
347
00:27:57,040 --> 00:27:59,520
You know, they were OK.
348
00:28:01,000 --> 00:28:04,760
What do you mean?
Were they OK or were they... OK?
349
00:28:09,720 --> 00:28:14,920
(LAUGHS)They were wet
in all the right places, eh, Shaun?
350
00:28:14,960 --> 00:28:17,640
A lovely turn of phrase there, Rick.
351
00:28:17,680 --> 00:28:22,160
They were all right for the night,
but I'm glad to see the back of 'em.
352
00:28:22,200 --> 00:28:25,680
Don't need
that morning-after crap, do ya?
353
00:28:27,680 --> 00:28:31,600
I'm going for a shower. Sure
you don't want a doughnut?
354
00:28:35,160 --> 00:28:37,160
Is he OK?
355
00:28:37,200 --> 00:28:39,960
A bit tired, you know.
356
00:28:57,680 --> 00:29:00,280
Don't know, hadn't thought about it.
357
00:29:00,320 --> 00:29:04,760
I mean, we like the same things,
we laugh at the same stuff.
358
00:29:04,800 --> 00:29:08,240
Got a lot in common.
Just like each other.
359
00:29:08,280 --> 00:29:12,280
That's great, man. I'm just
kinda surprised, that's all.
360
00:29:12,320 --> 00:29:14,120
Why?
361
00:29:15,440 --> 00:29:17,440
Why?
362
00:29:18,400 --> 00:29:21,000
So who decided on Ibiza?
363
00:29:21,040 --> 00:29:24,840
It were Shaun's big dream.
We just made it happen.
364
00:29:25,040 --> 00:29:30,160
Anything to take his mind off bloody
Hayley. Ah, bless. Heartbreak, was it?
365
00:29:30,200 --> 00:29:35,560
Yeah. He can be a right fuckin' wuss
Emotional, is he? Yeah, a right soft get.
366
00:29:35,600 --> 00:29:37,880
You have to pick up the pieces?
367
00:29:37,920 --> 00:29:43,560
Sometimes, yeah. What about Alex?
Do you like him or are you just using him?
368
00:29:43,600 --> 00:29:47,880
What do you mean? Come on.
I've done all the booze and drugs.
369
00:29:48,080 --> 00:29:50,680
Don't worry, it's a two-way street.
370
00:29:50,720 --> 00:29:56,240
We all push the boundaries here -
the drugs, music, the whole vibe.
371
00:29:56,440 --> 00:29:58,920
Takes us to the edge and over.
372
00:29:58,960 --> 00:30:02,360
Shaun, just in time
for your close-up.
373
00:30:05,120 --> 00:30:09,520
So, recap. You guys met at school,
you fancy Rick's mum,
374
00:30:09,560 --> 00:30:15,240
Hayley's binned you, you were done
for joy-riding and you're using Alex
375
00:30:16,040 --> 00:30:19,760
Here, Shaun, try a red one.
It's a chill pill.
376
00:30:24,040 --> 00:30:27,040
Go on, then we'll talk.
377
00:30:28,840 --> 00:30:30,480
Cool.
378
00:30:30,680 --> 00:30:33,320
So, Shaun, the girls have gone,
379
00:30:33,360 --> 00:30:36,800
Alex is AWOL
and you want to split, right?
380
00:30:39,360 --> 00:30:44,160
Well... Just relax
and enjoy the old man's hospitality.
381
00:30:44,200 --> 00:30:48,400
It's against the law
to stress out here, OK?
382
00:30:48,440 --> 00:30:50,240
Cool.
383
00:30:52,680 --> 00:30:55,040
You think I'm weird?
384
00:30:55,760 --> 00:30:57,680
Yeah.
385
00:30:57,720 --> 00:31:00,800
Good. Here, have another doughnut.
386
00:31:01,000 --> 00:31:07,240
Go ahead, Shaun. Have a doughnut. I
don't want a fuckin' doughnut! OK, man. OK.
387
00:31:08,240 --> 00:31:13,960
Why are you so emotional, Shaun? I'm not,
I'm fine. Is it post-traumatic sex disorder?
388
00:31:14,000 --> 00:31:17,080
Right, give me the fuckin' camera!
389
00:31:17,280 --> 00:31:19,760
Shaun! Shaun, for fuck's sake!
390
00:31:19,960 --> 00:31:24,640
Shaun, calm down.
You're not at home now!
391
00:31:24,680 --> 00:31:31,920
If it doesn't happen in Oldham, it's not natural to you, is it?
That's not you talking, that's him! You keep telling him stuff!
392
00:31:31,960 --> 00:31:34,320
I'm just trying to protect us!
393
00:31:34,360 --> 00:31:39,160
You're protecting you!
No! Yes! What's this, then?!
394
00:31:39,200 --> 00:31:42,840
What the fuck did you do
to that?! Nothing! It's your hat!
395
00:31:42,880 --> 00:31:47,480
Yeah, and everyone
was fuckin' wearing it last night!
396
00:31:49,960 --> 00:31:51,960
Nice hat, Rick.
397
00:31:52,000 --> 00:31:54,280
I like the colour.
398
00:31:56,720 --> 00:32:01,600
We just washed most of it away
with the hose. It was everywhere.
399
00:32:01,640 --> 00:32:04,440
Jesus. What, inside too?
400
00:32:04,480 --> 00:32:07,400
No, just on the terrace
and the steps.
401
00:32:07,440 --> 00:32:11,560
So what the hell was going down
last night? It's nothing to do with us.
402
00:32:11,600 --> 00:32:16,040
Look at your hat, Rick.
Christ. We just had a party.
403
00:32:16,240 --> 00:32:20,960
We drank, we partied,
we did some drugs and that's it.
404
00:32:21,000 --> 00:32:27,240
Then we went to bed. If you wanna know what
happened, ask Alex. Well, what's happened to him?
405
00:32:27,280 --> 00:32:32,440
Maybe he's done a runner. There can't
have been that much blood without noise!
406
00:32:32,480 --> 00:32:35,400
Jesus, what the fuck happened?
407
00:32:35,440 --> 00:32:38,040
You don't know what happened, right?
408
00:32:38,080 --> 00:32:41,680
Bullshit.
Are you playing games with me, Rick?
409
00:32:41,720 --> 00:32:44,400
Cos if you are, if you are...
410
00:32:46,880 --> 00:32:52,240
I'm calling the cops.Listen... I've had enough
of this shit! Listen, you're overreacting!
411
00:32:52,280 --> 00:32:56,600
Wait till Alex gets here,
we'll sort it out then. All right?
412
00:32:56,640 --> 00:33:00,480
What are you so worried about, Rick?
Eh?
413
00:33:08,800 --> 00:33:10,800
Jesus!
414
00:33:10,840 --> 00:33:16,040
This is bullshit, Shaun. This is
nothing to do with me, I swear it.
415
00:33:16,080 --> 00:33:18,920
It can't be me. It can't be me!
416
00:33:18,960 --> 00:33:25,560
I don't know. I just want to get out of here.
Let's go, then! Right, I'll get our stuff!
417
00:33:34,680 --> 00:33:37,760
ELECTRONIC BEEPING
418
00:34:31,360 --> 00:34:33,960
SOBBING
419
00:34:37,480 --> 00:34:39,760
(BREATHES HEAVILY)
420
00:35:01,240 --> 00:35:03,360
(VOMITS)
421
00:35:08,440 --> 00:35:12,720
It was you that found the body!
That's my best mate!
422
00:35:12,760 --> 00:35:16,480
He's fuckin' dead! You're talking shit!
423
00:35:16,520 --> 00:35:19,080
For fuck's sake!
424
00:35:19,120 --> 00:35:21,880
No. Shaun found the fucker, not me.
425
00:35:21,920 --> 00:35:26,520
You fuckin' come here,
I sort you out with shit...
426
00:35:26,560 --> 00:35:32,880
Course you fuckin' sorted me out with shit...
What have you done? What the fuck have you done?!
427
00:35:32,920 --> 00:35:38,160
Bollocks. How could you have
done this?! I haven't done anything!
428
00:35:38,200 --> 00:35:41,520
So you're saying Shaun
did it? I'm just saying I didn't!
429
00:35:41,720 --> 00:35:45,160
You don't know
whether you did this or not!
430
00:35:45,200 --> 00:35:48,880
You've no fuckin' idea! No...
431
00:35:51,960 --> 00:35:55,400
This is Ibiza, Rick.
The world capital of crazy.
432
00:35:55,600 --> 00:35:59,360
Oh, you're talking shit! The
heat, the music, the drugs,
433
00:35:59,560 --> 00:36:03,040
the fuckin' power of this place!
It can suck you in.
434
00:36:03,080 --> 00:36:06,920
It can just fuckin'
take you over the edge, you know?
435
00:36:07,120 --> 00:36:12,280
It hasn't taken me! I haven't done fuckin'
nothing! Of course you haven't, man.
436
00:36:12,320 --> 00:36:15,760
I understand, Rick.
Believe me, I really do.
437
00:36:15,960 --> 00:36:19,440
There is nothing to understand!
You're talking shit!
438
00:36:19,480 --> 00:36:22,040
Just relax, man, all right?
439
00:36:22,920 --> 00:36:25,880
Have a seat and... chill.
440
00:36:25,920 --> 00:36:27,920
Chill!? Fuck off, Thomas!
441
00:36:27,960 --> 00:36:32,640
It'll be all right. It's not gonna
be all right! It's fuckin' not!
442
00:36:34,800 --> 00:36:36,840
Shit!
443
00:36:36,880 --> 00:36:39,400
(BREATHES HEAVILY)
444
00:36:53,880 --> 00:36:58,520
Shaun, you need to get out of here.
Why? He's lost it, and you're next.
445
00:36:58,560 --> 00:37:01,560
What do you mean?
He's blaming you for all this.
446
00:37:01,760 --> 00:37:06,440
What?! He says you had problems with Mandy.
Couldn't get it up or something.
447
00:37:06,480 --> 00:37:14,120
He said she made a video while you were sleeping,
taking the piss.Yeah. So? You lost it with her.
448
00:37:14,160 --> 00:37:17,040
Bollocks! That's complete crap!
He's turning it around!
449
00:37:17,240 --> 00:37:19,840
In his twisted, fucked-up paranoia,
450
00:37:19,880 --> 00:37:24,600
he reckons you did it
and you're trying to pin it on him.
451
00:37:24,800 --> 00:37:29,240
He is gonna juice you
if you don't get outta here.
452
00:37:29,280 --> 00:37:33,800
He is gonna fuckin' kill you!
Now, take this and the Jeep and go!
453
00:37:34,120 --> 00:37:37,680
What you doing? Where you going?!
454
00:37:49,480 --> 00:37:52,160
Shaun! What the fuck are you doing?!
455
00:37:52,200 --> 00:37:54,720
Shaun, for fuck's sake!
456
00:37:56,120 --> 00:37:58,320
Shit!
457
00:38:00,760 --> 00:38:03,840
Where are ya? What have you said?!
458
00:38:03,880 --> 00:38:09,280
Do you think I'm weird? What the fuck have
you said to him? Cos I feel little weird.
459
00:38:09,320 --> 00:38:13,480
He's trying to leave. It was
you! All along it was you!
460
00:38:13,520 --> 00:38:16,080
You bastard! Fuck off!
461
00:38:16,120 --> 00:38:19,080
Shaun! ENGINE STARTS
462
00:38:31,400 --> 00:38:33,360
Shaun!
463
00:38:33,400 --> 00:38:35,600
Shaun! Shaun!
464
00:38:35,800 --> 00:38:39,800
Whatever he's said,
it's all to fuck! Shaun!
465
00:38:39,840 --> 00:38:42,200
Where are you, Shaun?!
466
00:38:42,600 --> 00:38:44,920
ELECTRONIC WHIRRING
467
00:38:44,960 --> 00:38:47,760
Fuck, answer me! Shaun!
468
00:38:47,960 --> 00:38:50,560
Shaun, listen to me!
469
00:38:51,720 --> 00:38:53,720
Shaun!
470
00:38:53,760 --> 00:38:56,120
Where the fuck are you, man?
471
00:38:56,160 --> 00:38:58,720
Shaun, what the fuck's happened?
472
00:39:02,720 --> 00:39:04,720
Shaun!
473
00:39:05,760 --> 00:39:07,800
Shaun!
474
00:39:09,720 --> 00:39:11,760
BOTTLES CLATTER
475
00:39:11,800 --> 00:39:13,280
Shaun?
476
00:39:13,480 --> 00:39:15,640
Shaun, listen to me!
477
00:39:15,840 --> 00:39:19,280
BANGShaun?
478
00:39:19,480 --> 00:39:21,480
Shaun?
479
00:39:24,320 --> 00:39:26,240
Shaun?
480
00:39:26,720 --> 00:39:29,360
CLATTERFuckin' bastard!
481
00:39:29,560 --> 00:39:31,160
Fuck!
482
00:39:31,200 --> 00:39:33,720
Shaun! Shaun!
483
00:39:39,640 --> 00:39:41,440
Shaun!
484
00:39:41,640 --> 00:39:44,160
Shaun, where are ya?!
485
00:39:45,960 --> 00:39:47,920
Shaun!
486
00:39:47,960 --> 00:39:50,360
Shaun, this is bullshit!
487
00:39:50,400 --> 00:39:52,600
Shaun!
488
00:39:52,640 --> 00:39:54,840
Shaun!
489
00:39:54,880 --> 00:39:57,040
Where are ya?!
490
00:40:00,880 --> 00:40:03,520
ELECTRIC SHOCK
491
00:40:16,440 --> 00:40:18,440
(SCREAMS)
492
00:40:36,600 --> 00:40:39,240
(BREATHES HEAVILY)
493
00:40:51,120 --> 00:40:53,360
Hurrghh!
494
00:40:59,440 --> 00:41:01,960
LIGHTS BUZZ
495
00:41:11,480 --> 00:41:13,520
GIRLS SCREAM
496
00:41:16,680 --> 00:41:19,520
SCREAMING CONTINUES
497
00:41:38,720 --> 00:41:41,240
SCREAMING CONTINUES
498
00:41:45,360 --> 00:41:49,640
AGITATED VOICES ON TAPE
499
00:42:02,480 --> 00:42:04,760
VOICES CONTINUE
500
00:42:34,040 --> 00:42:38,120
"So you're saying Shaun
did it?""I'm just saying I didn't!"
501
00:42:38,160 --> 00:42:41,760
"You don't know whether
you did this or not!"
502
00:42:52,640 --> 00:42:55,000
(BREATHES HEAVILY)
503
00:43:09,920 --> 00:43:12,320
You bastard!
504
00:43:15,000 --> 00:43:17,600
Oh, no!
505
00:43:20,440 --> 00:43:22,880
BUZZ, ELECTRONIC BLEEPING
506
00:43:22,920 --> 00:43:26,720
"Connecting." MACHINE-CODE CHATTER
507
00:43:26,760 --> 00:43:29,560
"Authenticating user ID."
508
00:43:30,600 --> 00:43:32,800
CHIME
509
00:43:32,840 --> 00:43:35,040
"You are now on line."
510
00:44:10,520 --> 00:44:12,600
(GASPS)
511
00:44:19,080 --> 00:44:22,040
Welcome to your new home, Shaun.
512
00:44:31,080 --> 00:44:33,640
COMPUTER: MUSICAL JINGLE
513
00:44:40,240 --> 00:44:43,200
Everything's gonna be fine, Shaun.
514
00:44:47,520 --> 00:44:50,800
Welcome to paradise! (LAUGHS)
515
00:45:00,080 --> 00:45:03,080
Subtitles by Intelfax
39324
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