All language subtitles for S L S02E02 Paddles Ropes and Alchemy 1080p AMZN WEB-DL DDP5 1 H 264-NTb (1)_track4_[eng]

[music]

SINGER: ♪ Don't you wish
to think about it ♪

♪ In here to please somebody

♪ I'm around and undercover

♪ Here comes trouble now

♪ Me and my wicked ways

♪ I'll get you
into trouble now ♪

♪ It's just so hard to behave

♪ Got to see another now

♪ I'm the one
your mama told you ♪

♪ Avoid that one stranger

♪ The risk you can't afford
and here comes trouble now ♪

♪ Turning it up all night

♪ Got you feeling all right

♪ Turning it up all night

♪ Got you feeling all right

♪ Get you into trouble now

[music]

I'm straight,
but this haircut's confusing.

I'd call myself
a bronze star gay, men only.

I tend to date men,
but I love sex with women.

So, I don't know maybe
70/30 straight.

I tell everyone
that I'm bisexual,

but a more proper term
would be pansexual

because I'm also a drag queen
and a cross-dresser.

I've been with men.
I've been with women.

I've been with transmen
and I've been with transwomen.

Looks can be deceiving.

I identify
as a heterosexual male.

I love the ladies.

Lesbians don't like me
as a bisexual

because they think I'm just
gonna be a pillow princess.

I just tell them,
"Hey, I may be 50% gay,

but I will 100% go down on you."

I identify as a cis male
drag queen.

And my preferred gender
pronouns are she,

her, or that queen.

I'm fluid, pansexual.

I don't really like labels.
I like people.

I mean, I guess
I'm mostly straight,

but there's like
maybe I'm 20% gay,

like I'll try anything twice.

I like everybody.

I definitely prefer a penis.

So, whatever that happens
to be stuck on,

I'm good with.
[chuckles]

I mean, I've got a penis so,
you know.

[laughs]

- I'm Donovan.
- I'm Megan.

- This is Bert.
- I'm Jamela.

- I'm Lynn.
- Eric.

- I'm Jessica.
- Dorianne.

- And this...
- And this...

And this is our sex life.

[slate cuts]

Hi, Mom.

[music]

MAN: Female-female
or male- male,

you have a different
type of play.

WOMAN: Sometimes,
we just wanna cuddle up

with another femme

and just appreciate femininity.

MAN: Frat is a place
for our male members

to experience a pledge master
hazing dynamic.

- Oh, fuck.
- Fuck.

MAN: Like, hazing
is pretty gay.[chuckles]

[music]

[ukulele music plays]

DAVID: I brought you a present.

Hi, beautiful.

It's so nice out here.

♪ New York...

REILLY: It's a great day
to be alive.

DAVID: It is.

That skyline is...

freedom.

REILLY: We have been together
for two years.

We're consensual,
non-monogamous.

- Yup.
- Polyamorous.

Emotionally monogamous
at the moment.

I got you another present.

- You did?
- Uh-hmm.

What is it?

Oh.

All-natural.

I have a song about that.

Oh, yeah?

All right.

- ♪ Thanks for the weed
- Wow.

- ♪ You're my kind of friend
- Yup.

- ♪ Thanks for the weed
- Uh-huh.

♪ Let's smoke this joint

♪ Till it ends

DAVID: Fucking nailed it.
Reilly, you nailed it.

REILLY: We nailed it.

We are not dating
separately yet

and it's something
that we want to happen

and we're open to it.

We just felt like we had to

get to know our needs
and our boundaries better

before we split off
a little bit.

As a couple, we love going
to these sex parties together.

It has helped us to grow so much

in the way that we communicate
to each other.

When I came to New York City,

I made it my mission to join

as many different clubs
in the city.

NSFW being one of the most
highly regarded.

DAVID: NSFW for me is a place

where I can experience anything
that I want to look into.

And it's a safe place

where you don't have
to worry about anything.

Everything is okay.

Sex parties are easier together

and more enjoyable too
because you have that person,

you know, where you all--
you don't have to worry

about going there
and being uncomfortable

or not having a good time.

Plus what isn't super sexy
about threesomes,

and foursomes, and fivesomes?

You know,
the more the merrier in bed.

Yeah.

[laughs]

Come on, cross.

[music]

SINGER: ♪ Set a fire
and bathe in the moonlight ♪

♪ You and I burning
for the longest time ♪

My name is Daniel Saynt.

I am the Chief Conspirator
of NSFW,

which is the New Society
for Wellness.

We're a private members club
based in New York

that focuses on sexual health.

We are changing
the conversation on sex.

NSFW is designed for anyone
to feel comfortable.

That's one of the few places
people can come to

and feel completely safe.

We like to produce events
that help get people excited

about sex
and interested in sex

and educated on sex.

One event which is just
for the men is Frat,

which plays
with alpha male dynamics

and the idea of men being
allowed to be more feminine,

men being allowed to talk
about sex in new ways,

in different ways
and to explore these things

that had been so taboo
or that haven't been allowed

for a long time.

[music]

DANIEL SAYNT: We also do
an event called Femme

which is only
for female members.

There's a lot of play,
but it's a very kind of

more intimate event.

[music]

I am the Reverend Rucifer.

I am the master
for activities here at NSFW

for Femme night.

It's very rare that as women,

there's any spaces
that are just for us.

So Femme night,
all of our lady members

can come in community and play

and have fun
all without any men around.

REILLY: The idea of us going
to play parties separately

is definitely intimidating.

But it's gonna be
good practice for me

to be able to talk to people

without having David there

as an emotional crutch.

It makes me nervous,

but it's time to get serious

about our playtime.

Make me beautiful.

Oh, baby,
you're beautiful already.

I wanna be beautiful.

I grew up very homophobic.

My dad was
a Pentecostal pastor.

And the town that I grew up in
had 3,000 people in it.

There was a lot
of homophobia around me

and picturing two men together,

it like grossed me out
and disgusted me.

Making out with men is still
unchartered territory for you.

Do you think you'll try
to approach it

or do you think
you'll just let it happen?

I'm going--
that is probably the boundary

that I'm gonna push through.

I had no idea that I had any
bisexual inclinations at all.

It wasn't until like 25 or so

when I actually had
my first experience.

I'm at a rest area
and all of a sudden,

I'm just being led
into the back,

into a wooded area.
I'm standing there,

he's pulling my pants down.
My dick is in his mouth

and I didn't last
probably more than 15 seconds

and it was unlike anything
I have ever felt.

Do you wanna get dressed now?
Are you ready?

Yeah. I'm ready to go.
Yeah. Yeah.

- Let's do it.
- Yup.

With women, it's, uh,
like an emotional connection

because I feel safe
because men in my life...

- Uh-hmm.
- ...in my past

have typically been, um,

uh, somewhere
I don't feel safe.

Do you think I should do
fishnets or anything?

- Do you want black fishnets?
- Uh-hmm.

With women, I've never been
a big one-night-stand person.

I like to build up
the foreplay over dates

and put, you know,
the actual sex off

as long as possible because
it's always better that way.

But with men,
I haven't had the opportunity

to explore anything
beyond the sexual acts.

So I do want to try
to establish

and work on relationships

beyond just friendship with men

because it'll be,
uh, a first for me.

The Frat party is gonna be
an opportunity to see,

um, how gay I am.

- [laughs]
- [chuckles]

[music]

Looking like a badass bitch.

Oh, my God, I wanna make out
with all the beautiful girls.

I am from
the conservative South

and to this day,
I'm still struggling

to get my family to acknowledge
my queerness

as an active part of me.

I, as a queer person,

am trying still to figure out

how to approach women
and talk to them

and not get super nervous.

I'm really hoping that there is

a dope rope-tying station.

I, uh, have been wanting
to get suspended

for a while now

doing something like that

where I'm in a very vulnerable
position.

I think I'm gonna feel
more comfortable

in a room full of women.

So I'm really looking forward

to letting my guard down
a little.

I love David,

but in my interactions
with women,

my guard is always slightly up

and I feel like
I'll be able to relax

a little bit more than
in some environments

where there are also men there.

I am most looking forward
to being surrounded

by beautiful boobies.

It's great.
I can't wait.

[music]

REILLY: It's gonna be
a huge plus for me.

- I'm jealous.
- [laughs]

[music]

Final checks.

Do not think about me.

Just go, enjoy yourself.

- I can wait though.
- All right.

[music]

[engine revving]

This is really kind of
my first time

trying to kind of
look a man in the eye

and connect with them sexually.

I'm just wondering
if I'll have the guts

almost to push it.

I think doing something
that will get me into sub space

a little bit and help me
release tension from my body

is gonna be hugely beneficial.

Ooh, I definitely have
butterflies right now.

[music]

[music]

[indistinct chatter]

WOMAN: Hey, boo.
Welcome to Femme.

- It's Reilly.
- Reilly.

Nice to meet you.
Tell me your name again?

Oh, my God, I love that, Kayla.

- REILLY: Kayla. Yeah.
I almost feel overdressed.

You know, any time
I come to one of these parties

and my ass isn't out,
I'm like, "Shit.

"I wore too many clothes again."

But, you know,

- I'll undress soon.
- [laughs]

RUCIFER:
I'm the master for the evening

and I will be here
to welcome people

and start building
that community,

that sense of camaraderie
between everyone.

And then
as the night progresses,

I will lead kind of a ceremony

or ritual of sorts that kind of
brings the group together

and kind of kicks off
the night's festivities.

JANELLE: All types of women
come to Femme night,

women who are straight,
who might be curious,

women who identify as fluid,

or may just wanna be around
more women in their life,

and then there's women
who identify as bi like myself,

and then there's also,
um, lesbian women,

and romantic women,
like, all types of women.

[gasps] Oh, my God.

Hi, I didn't know
you were coming.

Yeah.

I'm so glad that you're here.

My name is Alyssa

and it's my first time
being to Femme.

I met Reilly and David
through a dating website

and they were just so wonderful

that, uh, Reilly
and I've spent time

together several times since.

And I adore her.

Another thing that
I'm trying to challenge myself

with tonight is getting involved

with, like--uh, in, like,
a femme dom element

because most of my dom
situations have been with men

and it's a totally
different energy

when it's a woman, you know.

- Yes.
- So

I'm--I wanna see
where that goes.

So you're exploring
new horizons?

- Yeah.
- Oh. I'm so proud of you.

- I'm proud of you, too.
- I'm proud of you. Holy shit.

I dated men
and was very interested in men

and kind of thought that
that was just naturally,

like, who I was supposed
to be interested in.

And I think my early
attractions to women,

I didn't really acknowledge

and it's just been recently
that I've been realizing

that that's an important part
of my sexuality

that I want to honor
even though

I primarily partner
with a man.

It's really lovely
to be able to connect

with other women
in this kind of space.

Oh, wow.
This is, like, a wonderland

- of potential delights.
- I know. I'm excited.

Hopefully, I'm gonna get
suspended later.

Definitely tied up,
maybe suspended.

- ALYSSA: Really?
- Yeah.

- Oh, my goddess.
- Yeah.

Girl, that's--okay.
Now, I'm turned on.

[laughs]

[music]

DAVID: I have a really
good friend of mine

that gets with, uh,
Reilly and I a lot,

he's got a 10-inch, like,

massive, beautiful cock.

And he's like,
"Oh, can I use less lube?"

I'm like, "No, dude.
Your huge dick

is not using less lube
on my girlfriend." [laughs]

Yeah, you need
to practice certain things.

We created Frat as a way
to give our male members

a place to experience things
and test out,

and then explore
these male-male dynamics.

A lot of it is focused
on fraternity style

pledge master hazing dynamics.

It's something that already,
you know,

has kind of a queerness to it,

like hazing is pretty gay.

[laughs] Um...

AVATAR: You can't do that.
It has to bounce.

It doesn't have to bounce.

Bullshit, man.

It's supposed to bounce.

If I knew that,
I would've been overthrowing

- a long time ago.
- [Daniel laughs]

My mother always said,
"As long as you're not

doing anything malicious,
sex is something

that should be celebrated
and fun

if you want to enjoy
another person's company,

it should be done."

How long have you been
with NSFW coming here?

Um, not that long.

My girlfriend's
been here longer, I think.

I am a gender
nonconforming person.

Assigned female at birth,

but leaning a little bit more
towards masculine.

So Frat is an opportunity
for me

to explore my masculine side.

I immediately knew
most of the people here

weren't gonna be like,
"This isn't a woman

encroaching on a male spot,
this is just another guy."

This is a very welcoming space.

I'm a switch.

I actually prefer being a dom.

- Yeah.
- But, um,

I love my boyfriend

and I love subbing for him,
I love both.

Have you been to Frat before,
by the way?

- No. This is my first.
- Okay. This is my first time.

- Yeah.
- I'm mad because I usually wear

a pecker and I left my dick
on my boyfriend's counter.

- Oh, no.
- I'm so mad.

It's, like, at home.

- I left my cock ring at home.
- Oh, no.

- Yeah, I wanted to bring it.
- Well, at least

you didn't leave
your entire cock at home.

I know. I was trying to relate,
but you're right.

- It doesn't relate at all.
- No, it's not.

It's not even close.

[music]

ABRAHAM: If you go to a gay bar,
it's all gay guys,

but then in a place like this,
you know,

you can be straight
and let loose,

and, uh, just seeing
a lot of people

enjoying themselves.

Probably have a conversation
with a cutie, you know,

and yeah, that's my definition
of a good night.

[laughs]

[music]

[David laughing]

I felt comfortable
being uncomfortable

because I think that Daniel,
obviously,

and the other people there

can relate
to what I'm going through.

[music]

- Hey, girl.
- Hi.

- How are you?
- Oh, God.

Just, like, dealing
with some low grade anxiety

- instead of chill.
- Why?

REILLY:
Just, like, being by myself.

Goddesses.

- Woo.
- [laughter]

REILLY: A successful
Femme party for me

would look like
a night of reconnecting

with my femininity

in a way that I don't get to.

It really feels like
I'm recharging myself

and getting to embrace

this major part of my sexuality.

I am the Reverend Rucifer

and I'll be your master
and guide for the evening.

I just wanna do
one quick breath exercise

to kind of drop us in
to the rest of the evening.

REILLY: I think if I can connect

with some badass femmes

and find one that would be fun
to bring around David,

I think that would--
that would be ideal.

RUCIFER:
And drop this energy down

into your pussy.

Hold it

and feel all
that energy release,

oh, from our pussies,

oh, and you feel free
to let out a sound,

just oh, fuck.

I think
what would surprise people

is just how sweet
and lovely it is.

That's all I have.

- Have a great time.
- [laughter]

RUCIFER: Really, sometimes,

we just wanna kind of cuddle up

with another femme

and brush each other's hair

and, like, caress her face,

and just appreciate femininity

and a little bit
of goddess worship,

and things like that.

[music]

DOMINUS EROS:
Welcome to Frat night.

Give yourselves
a round of applause

for even showing up tonight.

- [applause]
- DOMINUS: [clears throat]

Welcome, welcome, welcome.

I'm going to be
your pledge master for tonight,

Dominus.
What is my name again?

- CROWD: Dominus.
- DOMINUS: Very good.

But when you refer to me,

you're going to be saying,
"Yes, Dominus."

DANIEL: Tonight,
we have Dominus Eros.

He has been a master with us
for two and a half years.

Great instructor,
his focus is around,

um, BDSM and kink play,

but also does a lot
around prostate education,

stuff like that.
So he'll be the pledge master

- for the night.
- DOMINUS: I want you

to get as close as you can
with each other.

Start wrapping and folding,

and getting all your chests
near each other.

I need all those
heart zones entering.

Get comfortable,
sit on your butt,

wrap your legs around somebody,
do whatever you need to do.

There's this whole idea
of the sexiness

of the fraternity in terms

of turning some of what was

your Americana version
of a fraternity.

It's more like,
"Oh, what if it was just

"all guys who are just
into all guys?"

[music]

DOMINUS: That was very lovely.

I'm liking all that.

Notice how we're doing
all this touch

and all our clothes are still on
yet it's very sexy.

Isn't that something?

Take your time.

In about a minute or two,
I'm gonna see

which one of you can take
as much as I can give.

Everyone was just
really getting

into bonding with each other

and feeling close,
and feeling safe.

That's the perfect time for me
to throw in my BDSM

and have them be able
to take orders,

able to take discipline,
that's the classic

kind of fraternity hazing.

I wanna see a sea of butts.

Good. What would 10 be?

Exactly.
What would one be?

DOMINUS: There it is.
I love this individual tonight.

I only invite people
like David

and everyone else
who is a little apprehensive

to just have your journey
be a journey.

This particular part of BDSM
may not be for him.

Just be open-minded
as possible,

sit in this tiny bit
of uncomfort in terms of just,

"Ooh, I'm in this space,
it's a little daunting,

"let me breathe it in
for a minute.

"No one's gonna force me
to do anything.

"Great. I feel safe."

I just want you
to feel the weight of it first.

Oh, fuck.
I love that one.

- Are you ready?
- Yes.

Please, Dominus.

- Oh, fuck.
- DOMINUS: Fuck.

Do you know how much
of my strength I used for that?

That was--I don't know.

DAVID: I didn't go along with it

as much as I should have
but I tried

and I just couldn't open up.

I want all my little
beautiful pledges

to feel like they have value,

that they are part of a family.

DAVID:
I wanna go down that road,

I want to explore being a sub,

I wanna explore being spanked,

and going to that sub space
for sure,

but that's it.

That's definitely not
the environment

that I would do it.

[music]

[indistinct chatter]

- Okay, I'm done.
- REILLY: Hmm, good.

It makes me feel more submissive

to be bent over and, oh,

- under somebody's control.
- REILLY: [moaning]

I am most attracted to women

who are soft and curvy,

but I would love
to find a woman

I could be more submissive to.

Give me a slow warm-up,

please.

- Hi.
- Hi.

[indistinct chatter]

REILLY: I love having
that dichotomy of pain

and pleasure mixed into one

and I don't know
what's coming next,

and it's not up to me
to decide,

it's up to someone else
to decide.

It's erotic, it's a--
it's a jolt of electricity

in a sensual moment.

- Yeah. [laughs]
- REILLY: Oh, fuck.

[moans]

I feel so good.

KAYLA: Thank you for being
such a good sub

taking all of that.

[music]

[music]

[man laughing]

- [man laughing]
- DAVID: Yeah.

Physically, like, I cuddle
with some people,

but emotionally,
I just kind of like opened up

and let myself,
like, be vulnerable

and honest with them
about who I am

and, like, where I'm at
in my journey,

and how I'm trying
to figure things out.

[music]

I like being a good boy for you,

- yes.
- Yeah, you're such a good boy.

[music]

DAVID: Once the sex
started happening,

either you were part of it
or you weren't.

I kind of felt bad,
I kind of felt left out,

but whatever.

It's just a journey.

It's no big deal.

I'm gonna go to the next
party and engage a lot more,

and push boundaries more,

try to get involved in the sex.
I will.

I'll get involved
with the sex for sure.

Yeah.

[music]

DAVID: I know
that I'm very attracted to men

and I know that my hang-ups

and my inability
to do some things with men

is simply because of things
that are inside of me

that need to be overcome
and changed.

I know that that is making me

have the difficulty
being with men.

It was a lot.
That was a lot.

I'm still
processing everything,

but I couldn't, uh,

let myself go enough
to be comfortable enough

to get into that situation.

I cuddled for the first time
with a man,

so I mean, that's amazing.

I don't have
to beat myself up about

[chuckles] not going far enough.

It was--it was--
it was good enough.

[music]

[indistinct chatter]

RUCIFER: I've noticed
that a lot of women

tend to love rope

because it is very sensual,

it's very slow.

It can feel very binding
in a really yummy way

and it really drops you
into a very relaxed,

what they call sub space

where you're a little separated
from your body,

but still very present
and just having

the sense of the connection

with the person that's tying

with the rope,
with the experience.

It feels very present,

just a delicious
intimate connection and moment

with another person.

[music]

[indistinct chatter]

REILLY:
When I'm getting tied up,

it's--

I think I would describe it
as being similar

to taking a Xanax or something.

The ability to...

let go of...

your need for control

or your desire to be in charge
of things,

bondage is great for that.

[music]

[indistinct chatter]

REILLY: I find that
in my interactions with women,

I tend to be more of a top.

I don't have
a lot of experience being topped

especially in a BDSM sense
by a woman.

So, I'm open to exploring

new possibilities and...

open to pushing boundaries.

[moaning]

[music]

REILLY: It's a little different
with women.

We pace ourselves a little bit.

There's not a penis-in-vagina
destination

that we're getting to.

So, there's a little bit
more room to be creative.

- [moaning]
- [indistinct chatter]

ALYSSA: Sex with a woman feels
so much more sensual.

I think that women just
generally understand

how to touch each other
in a way

that enlivens our whole system,

so that we are able
to get turned on

and come to orgasm,

like it happens
very differently.

[music]

WOMAN: You two are so lovely.

- WOMAN: Wonder sub.
- WOMAN: Yeah.

WOMAN: That's what I call it.
Wonder sub.

WOMAN: Oh, God.
That was so good.

I'm mush right now.

- WOMAN: You are so precious.
- I can't put words together.

Feel all the touches.

- WOMAN: Uh-hmm.
- WOMAN: Yeah.

REILLY: To let go of tension
and feel at ease,

and be able to relax
and get fulfillment.

I don't think I could've had

the same experience
I had tonight

if there were
masculine figures there.

Being surrounded
by all that feminine energy,

having a completely
femme environment

to let go

and it feels like bliss.

That's just how sub space goes.

I feel like I have released
all of the anxiety

and all the tension
that's been holed up

in my body for a while.

I'm feeling really good,
but I would love to go home

and have a delicious orgasm
with him.

[music]

How are you?

I missed you.

- WOMAN: Tell me everything.
- Um, I cuddled a little bit.

- Oh, tell me how was that?
- And wrapped

- a beautiful man's leg.
- What was that like for you?

It was hot,
but it got down to...

the sexual part of the night

- and I couldn't, you know--
- WOMAN: That's all right.

The fact that you engaged
an intimate behavior

with another man
is a huge deal for you

because you've gotten
your dick played

with by another man
a bunch of times.

It's the more intimate things
that were a challenge.

I am so proud of you
not just because

I'm super turned on.

MAN: Did you get spanked or
just tied up?

- REILLY: Both.
- MAN: [gasps]

- You got spanked and tied up?
- REILLY: Uh-hmm.

You can still see

some rope marks on my leg.

I'm so fluffy.

MAN: This is what
a relationship can be.

A relationship doesn't have
to be in sexual boredom.

Nobody touched my pussy

and I didn't have an orgasm
while I was there,

- but I feel so blissed out.
- Uh-hmm.

REILLY: I am so thankful

to find a partner

that accepts
all of my sexiness

and all of my weirdness.

And we do it all
pretty well together.

Give me 20 minutes
and I'll explode all over that.

- Yeah. Right.
- [laughs]

- You're up.
- REILLY: I want my partner

to feel like they can satisfy
whatever need they have

outside of the bond
we have together.

MAN: Like that's the biggest
thing to be with someone

that recognizes
that they have no desire for--

to living the monogamous life
at all.

REILLY: It is some cosmic shit
that we found each other

and are so tuned
to each other's frequencies

in a way that I have never found

with another human being.

I'm definitely going
to that party again.

[music]

[music]

MAN:
My ultimate fantasy partner,

I hesitate to admit this,
but Jared Kushner.

He looks like I could flex
some sense in him.

I would like to try it.

I fantasize about having sex
with Eminem, the rapper.

He's so hot to me
and so talented.

And I don't know, it's maybe my
daddy issues coming in. [laughs]

The name that came to my mind
is Audrey Hepburn

mainly just because
she's fucking hot.

Oh, we all fantasize
about dirty people.

Nick Cage is my dirty fantasy.

My biggest celebrity sex fantasy

would probably be Beyoncé
and Jay-Z.

We will be a throuple

only because I can pay off
all my student loans.

I have a huge thing
for John C. Reilly.

I had a sex dream
about him one time.

There's something so not sexy
about him that's super sexy.

In my earlier sexual years,

I had sex
with a total look-alike

of George Costanza
from Seinfeld.

Dorky dad bear,

that fulfilled
a certain fantasy.

I had a thing
for Dr. Phil for a second

because he was telling those
people what to do on the show.

Like, Dr. Phil
might be able to get it.

It's just a thought.

[music]

WOMAN: It's all about
awareness and touch.

That's when the body
starts talking.

And that's when she starts
telling you what she wants

and what she needs.

And what's missing
or what's hardened,

or what's tight,
or what's open.

You come to a space
where you can roll around

and slither with your sisters
on the floor.

[women moaning]

WOMAN: This is an embodiment
practice.

You can learn
how to move your body

in different ways
and awaken parts of yourself

that you didn't even know
were asleep.

[birds chirping]

[music]

TARA: Over thousands of years,

women have been suppressed.

Women have been pressed down
and shrunken,

and we've been closed.

Within this class,

we can harness that power

of erotic alchemy

and we can blast you open.

The erotic alchemy
is a movement practice

like Shamanic Breathwork
and Yoga.

It's about learning
how to become comfortable

with your body
and your sexuality.

Most women,
when they're starting...

in this practice,

are so uncomfortable with that.

So, it's so important for us

to be okay and comfortable,

and-and...

in love with ourselves

and our touch.

[wind chimes clinching]

[birds chirping]

TARA: The definition of alchemy
is this seemingly

magical process

of transformation.

But I think for the most part,

it comes down to...

self- confidence,

self-awareness,

and are you even open
to pleasure?

Because I wasn't.

Growing up in a very

masculine family,

there's this just like hard,

like, this is how it is.

And women do this
and they're in the kitchen,

and very like old school.

That was probably
the first part

of that experience for me

to start to close down that...

feminine inside of me.

I was in a relationship
for nine years

and any time anything got...

a little tiny bit...

sensual or sexual,

shut down.

I didn't know how to share

my body with somebody.

I was so afraid of the man

that I just couldn't open up.
I couldn't fully...

just be in it with that person.

So, year and years later,

I went to a dance class.

The teacher,
she started teaching

and having us bring our hands
on our bodies

and when she gave me permission

to feel my body,

that was...

so emotional for me

that I was having
such a hard time

with just doing that.

I was like,
I obviously need this

because there's something here

that I don't even realize
that I was hiding from.

That was the beginning

and the more that it unfolded

was like that's it,

this is--I'm dedicating
my life to this.

[music]

TARA: There's gonna be a couple
of girls you haven't met yet

that were not
in our last session,

but they were in another one
of my workshops.

So, they're at a place where...

they are so ready to...

dive a little bit deeper
into some of the stuff

that we did
in our last workshop.

JOANA: The first words Tara
told me was, "Come in.

Drop off all your baggage,

emotional and physically,

and come and sit down,
and surrender,

and I will hug you,
and hold you here."

[music]

JOANA: I've taken three
Erotic Alchemy classes

and it was mind blowing.

TARA: Be together in a circle

and let it all unfold.

JOANA: Being a nurse,
being a mom, being a wife,

it's really hard
to come back to myself.

Who am I? What do I like?
What makes me happy?

When I'm in class, I feel held.

I feel supported.
I feel heard.

TARA: When we share
with another person

or with another sister,

there's just such this...

this authentic...

pure love that comes through.

And we start to awaken,
in that way,

everything in life just starts
to [makes sound]

and then your orgasm
go [makes sense]

- expansion. [laughs]
- [laughs]

The type of woman
that take my classes,

you know,
there's a wide spectrum.

There's women that are already
in that space

of their eroticism
and they're really just wanting

to have that connection
with other women,

they're wanting to go
a little bit deeper into that.

And then there's the women
that...

are seeking...

deeper connection to themselves.

To be in a group of other women

that I don't really know
and to open up in that way

- was a little scary.
- JOANA: Uh-hmm, uh-hmm.

It's a little terrifying,
of course.

I have taken
only two classes so far.

So, with this third class
coming up,

I asked myself,
how can I go deeper?

How can I express more?

When I was growing up,
I always had this thing

called like the sexy dance.

[laughs]

And something traumatic

or sexual trauma happened to me

where I started to have

a different relationship
with my body.

And so there was this
inner battle, uncomfortable...

with expressing
my own sensuality,

expressing my own sexiness
that I really wanted to do,

but also feeling shamed
as well.

TARA: You have to activate
your sexuality.

You have to be able to feel
that energy in yourself

before it's gonna
expand anywhere

or do anything

and share that with somebody.

JOANA: It's this amazing
link of support.

And I think--

I think what I try and do
is mimic some of that

outside of the class.

TARA: It is the most
powerful thing

to make love to a woman
that is embodied.

When the women are embodied

and when the women
can be in their power,

the men just know what to do.

- [exhales]
- TARA: Well, are you--

- TARA: --ladies like--
- JOANA: I'm--

- TARA: --so ready?
- So excited.

- JOANA: So excited.
- So excited.

Let's just bring
all the sisters in--

- JOANA: Yes.
- TARA: --and can't wait

to share it all with you,
ladies.

[birds chirping]

TARA: In something like this,
you're going to...

challenge yourself

to feel something different.

[music]

TARA: You're challenging
yourself to...

connect with someone
with zero expectation.

ASH: Alchemy is when you
transform matter.

So, erotic alchemy to me

is using your erotic nature

to transform your life.

TARA: Let's all just
take a deep breath together.

[all inhale]

[all exhale]

[music]

TARA: Just taking this moment

to ground, to arrive,

here in the sacred circle,

find that center,

that core,

that divine feminine

that is you awakening

in every moment
till the expansion.

The darkness of the womb

start to awaken

that part of your body.

This is your birthright.

ASH: I came here today
to do my third workshop

that I've done with Tara.

Every time,
it's an incredible experience.

I think a lot of women,

especially women living
and working in LA,

sometimes their sensuality's
put on the back burner

because of the curse
we have in things. So,

yeah, since doing her class,

I've been able to tap into that
a lot more.

TARA: I want you
to let your hands

drip onto the floor.

Melt your hearts to the earth.

Let her receive you.

ASH: At first,
it takes a lot to...

get into your body
and not feel awkward.

TARA: Slithering forward

just like a serpent,

rounding up...

into your kitty.

ASH: I'm not sure
I could really get there

if it wasn't for her guiding me.

TARA: Coming all the way back

onto your heels.

This workshop today
will be now the third workshop

that I've been able
to participate in.

TARA: So often we forget
to just take a moment

to feel this incredible vessel.

SYREE: I had a lot of barriers
to intimacy

and to my own sexuality,

as well as to like connect
with others

in a romantic partnership,

especially if I'm coming
from a religious family.

There's a lot that needs
to be unpacked there.

I used to not be able to...

actually have an orgasm
with a partner.

I thought something was wrong
with me and then I was--

I just thought
that's the way it was.

After my first workshop
with Tara,

that completely shifted.

Pussy is the most
powerful thing on this planet.

[moans]

SYREE: I feel like I was living
like a half-life.

I mean, we crave connection.

Giving ourselves permission

is the most important.

Ultimately again,
it has to start with you.

So, if you don't feel connected
to your own body,

how are we gonna connect
with anyone else?

Down to the floor,

moving our way back
into a circle, closing the eyes.

We're going to start
with a little slight movement.

I want you to feel
when the movement comes to you,

that potent...

cauldron of Shakti,

that sensual...

part of ourselves
that is enlivening

in this sacred space
with your sisters,

activating through
each other's sensuality

and eroticism.

Moving through this work

really helps...
connect us to our soul

and connect us
to who we really are.

This movement is a blend

of raw sensuality

and...

emotional healing.

TARA: So, next,
we're gonna go into...

the Queen of the Throne.

We have a hard time receiving
as women.

So, this is your moment.

You are a queen.

You deserve everything
and anything

in this world.

Feel what it's like

to be a queen.

TARA J.: That was the most...

sensual,

erotic, yummy,

juicy, just love.

I felt like it was...

pouring over me.

And it's unlike anything
I've ever experienced.

When I was
the Queen of the Throne,

I'm being taken care of.

I am so honored right now.

JOANA:
Being surrounded by them,

letting them touch me,

all the sensations,

it's a complete
cathartic experience.

SYREE: It's such an in-body
experience,

but somehow an out-of-body
experience

at the same time
to just have this focus on you,

and to surrender into that.

It's just absolutely
a blissful experience.

[music]

TARA: Breast massage,

feel the curvature
of your breasts.

That is usually
the most uncomfortable.

Breast massage is a sacred,
sacred ancient practice.

This relationship
is so important

first to be here
because if we can't feel

this part of ourselves
in that way,

how in the hell are we gonna let
somebody else receive it?

That feeling when you start
to get aroused

and the nipples harden.

I want you to just take
the straps off of your shirt

or let them fall away.

When you're ready, bringing
your hands onto your chest.

This feeds and gives life.

So, the importance
of breast massage

of actually touching yourself,

feeling you, your body,
this vessel,

is the beginning
to your love for you.

To really take this moment,

get out of the mind,
drop into the heart.

TARA J.: I've had surgery
previously

and there's been
a lot of trauma

in that area.
So, when we first started,

I felt a lot of emotion
come up.

That's always been a space
that I have been not

connected to at all.

TARA: This practice
is a beautiful way

to feeling the heart -

each caress,

each movement is redirecting,

redefining,

reowning this part
of our body.

TARA J.: The other women
in the group provide

the safest space and Tara
really creates

a container for each
and every one of us

to feel comfortable,
and it's okay to be vulnerable,

it's okay to cry,
it's okay to really

let your emotions just be,

and that's the
beautiful part about this space

that she creates for all of us.

TARA: Now, you're gonna sit
across from each other.

One of you is going to be
the receiver

and one of you
is going to be the giver.

Now, bringing your
left hand to her heart,

feel her heartbeat,

give her that love
that she needs to receive,

that she's seeking to receive,

letting the other hand start

to feel through her energy.

Feeling her arms,
her legs, her hair.

NATASHIA: The touch is such
an important thing to me.

And to feel a woman's touch
is what invited me

to feel that I missed my mom

and how I missed

my mom's touch so much.

TARA: Feel her heart...

start to open and expand.

And...

and to...

[sobs]

And to just feel Jo's hands

on my being was something

that I've been missing
[exhales]

about my mom.

TARA: The receivers,

you're now going to be
the givers.

Taking a moment to see her.

[exhales]

TARA: Bringing your hands
up onto her heart.

Receivers, what does it feel
like in your body

to feel completely seen,

and held, loved?

How does your emotions feel?

Is it bringing up
anything for you?

Feel the energy
coming through her palm.

You deserve this love.

You deserve the touch.

WOMAN: [moans]

ASH: [exhales]

[inhales]

You feel so...

just loved.

You're able
to completely surrender

to this sensory experience.

It can be nurturing,
it can be therapeutic,

it can be sexual.

It's so healing.

In whatever way you need,
touch is so powerful.

[music]

TARA: Isn't it the most
beautiful thing

you've ever seen?

TARA: I feel so amazing
right now.

So, through this work,
I'm gonna continue

with that healing aspect
because it helps me

feel better about myself
and who I am.

[music]

JOANA: I have three kids
and two of them are girls.

And I just wanna bring them
up in a world

that wasn't like
what I grew up in

with all the shame and,
you know,

hiding anything
that is sexual.

And so I wanted--I want
a better future for them.

TARA: Stripping away
everything

and you just saw the essence
of that beautiful sister

in front of you.
What a gift.

NATASHIA: The erotic
alchemy class changes

my experience, my sexual
experiences with others

by deepening
my intimacy with myself.

The way that I feel held,
it invites me

to go deeper into the self-love
that I have for myself.

[music]

TARA: To have the space
for you to give yourself

breast massage,
for you to roll around

and slither with your sisters
on the floor,

to dance and be witnessed
in your beauty,

and in your full embodiment,

that is what I see happening
to these women.

[music]

SINGER: ♪ I'm looking
for a way to catch this ride ♪

♪ It better come my way

♪ It better come my way

♪ I'm looking for a way
to get inside ♪

♪ It better come my way

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