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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:06,039 --> 00:00:10,577 Swipe right but you still don't match up to me. 2 00:00:10,611 --> 00:00:15,449 Swipe right, yes you'll never catch up to me. 3 00:00:15,482 --> 00:00:18,885 I know I got my flaws, but trust me they're nothing compared to 4 00:00:18,918 --> 00:00:20,153 yours, no. 5 00:00:20,186 --> 00:00:23,222 I've tried but you still don't match up to me. 6 00:00:23,256 --> 00:00:25,492 Thank you for the message but I haven't got the time. 7 00:00:25,526 --> 00:00:28,261 If you and got time for me. 8 00:00:28,294 --> 00:00:30,364 Thank you for the flowers but I've got an allergy. 9 00:00:30,397 --> 00:00:32,932 I guess that shows you don't know me. 10 00:00:32,965 --> 00:00:34,901 Didn't even know there was a message on the card. 11 00:00:34,934 --> 00:00:37,203 Did I tell you where I live? 12 00:00:37,236 --> 00:00:39,440 I'm waiting for someone who really wants to put me first. 13 00:00:39,473 --> 00:00:41,575 I've given all I've got to give. 14 00:00:41,608 --> 00:00:43,644 Swipe right. 15 00:00:43,677 --> 00:00:46,979 But you still don't match up to me. 16 00:00:47,013 --> 00:00:51,485 Swipe right, yes, you'll never catch up to me. 17 00:00:51,518 --> 00:00:54,321 I know I've got my flaws, but trust me they're nothing 18 00:00:54,355 --> 00:00:55,988 compared to yours, no. 19 00:00:56,022 --> 00:01:00,494 I've tried but you still don't match up to me. 20 00:01:00,527 --> 00:01:09,536 Ayyy Ohhh Ayyy Ayyy Ohhh Ayyy Ohh Ayy Ayy... 21 00:01:14,508 --> 00:01:17,009 But you still don't match up to me. 22 00:01:18,978 --> 00:01:21,280 First dates are always so strange, 23 00:01:21,315 --> 00:01:23,517 I never know how to get the ball rolling. 24 00:01:23,550 --> 00:01:28,121 I would like you to tell me the story of your wines please. 25 00:01:28,154 --> 00:01:31,558 One is red, one is white, they are eight bucks a glass, 26 00:01:31,592 --> 00:01:32,992 the end. 27 00:01:33,025 --> 00:01:37,531 Four eggs, bacon, no potatoes, no toast. 28 00:01:37,564 --> 00:01:38,665 Capeesh? 29 00:01:38,699 --> 00:01:41,067 Oh yes, I capeesh. 30 00:01:41,100 --> 00:01:43,670 For the second date we are just going to go to my gym. 31 00:01:43,704 --> 00:01:45,972 I would love to train you. 32 00:01:46,005 --> 00:01:47,541 You know, get those arms nice and tight. 33 00:01:47,574 --> 00:01:50,076 Sexy. 34 00:01:50,109 --> 00:01:52,446 I could show you some push-ups if you have a moment. 35 00:01:52,479 --> 00:01:54,615 Oh, I actually already have a personal trainer. 36 00:01:54,648 --> 00:01:59,085 But, what about going to see a movie? 37 00:01:59,118 --> 00:02:01,622 What is your favorite? 38 00:02:01,655 --> 00:02:05,592 How about you tell me a delicious little secret? 39 00:02:05,626 --> 00:02:09,329 Something that you have never told anyone? 40 00:02:09,363 --> 00:02:13,700 Oh, okay. 41 00:02:13,734 --> 00:02:18,271 Well, once I ate an entire bag of Oreos on a dare at summer 42 00:02:18,305 --> 00:02:19,972 camp. 43 00:02:20,006 --> 00:02:25,077 By delicious, I mean, sexy. 44 00:02:25,111 --> 00:02:28,749 What is something that you would only tell a lover? 45 00:02:28,782 --> 00:02:37,591 Oh, well, I do like to be tied up, you know. 46 00:02:37,624 --> 00:02:39,058 With silk ties. 47 00:02:39,091 --> 00:02:45,732 Well, I do happen to have one right here. 48 00:02:45,766 --> 00:02:47,233 When I was a kid I love Charlie and the chocolate 49 00:02:47,266 --> 00:02:48,702 factory. 50 00:02:48,735 --> 00:02:52,071 I love that movie, are you kidding me? 51 00:02:52,104 --> 00:02:53,507 Well, the second one. 52 00:02:53,540 --> 00:02:56,209 The first one was trash. 53 00:02:56,242 --> 00:02:57,444 The second one? 54 00:02:57,478 --> 00:03:02,316 I will have a steak, very, very well done. 55 00:03:02,349 --> 00:03:06,420 Burn it and soak it in thousand Island dressing, please. 56 00:03:06,453 --> 00:03:11,057 Wet. 57 00:03:12,359 --> 00:03:16,363 Medium rare. 58 00:03:21,635 --> 00:03:25,004 Perfect. 59 00:04:38,812 --> 00:04:41,147 Do you want to talk about it? 60 00:04:41,180 --> 00:04:45,352 No. 61 00:04:45,385 --> 00:04:48,154 Why is it so hard to find a good guy? 62 00:04:48,187 --> 00:04:49,890 Because you're not looking for a good guy, 63 00:04:49,923 --> 00:04:51,625 you are looking for the perfect guy. 64 00:04:51,658 --> 00:04:54,428 And they don't exist. 65 00:04:54,461 --> 00:04:56,697 What, I can have a type? 66 00:04:56,730 --> 00:04:58,565 I mean, everybody has a type. 67 00:04:58,599 --> 00:05:00,266 Yes, everyone has a type. 68 00:05:00,299 --> 00:05:06,172 You don't have a type, you have a gauntlet. 69 00:05:06,205 --> 00:05:12,846 Here is you, a great guy, right? 70 00:05:12,879 --> 00:05:15,214 This is him. 71 00:05:15,247 --> 00:05:17,818 Needs to be hot and sexy. 72 00:05:17,851 --> 00:05:19,920 You jumped over that really easy. 73 00:05:19,953 --> 00:05:22,756 It's because he works out all the time. 74 00:05:22,789 --> 00:05:28,495 This is him being successful and rich. 75 00:05:28,528 --> 00:05:33,367 So far he's doing great. 76 00:05:33,400 --> 00:05:35,267 And this is all of the nitpick crap that you are going 77 00:05:35,302 --> 00:05:39,306 to come up with to justify rejecting him anyway. 78 00:05:39,339 --> 00:05:40,674 Nitpicking? 79 00:05:40,707 --> 00:05:42,809 Come on. 80 00:05:42,843 --> 00:05:47,347 What about that guy who did voiceovers? 81 00:05:47,381 --> 00:05:48,749 Dennis? 82 00:05:48,782 --> 00:05:50,350 With the tooth thing? 83 00:05:50,384 --> 00:05:51,952 It wasn't that noticeable. 84 00:05:51,985 --> 00:05:53,920 Yes, but it was there. 85 00:05:53,954 --> 00:05:56,556 It was right there every time he smiled. 86 00:05:56,590 --> 00:06:00,427 Okay, what about the guy that owned that big electronics 87 00:06:00,460 --> 00:06:02,329 store? 88 00:06:02,362 --> 00:06:05,231 Oh, Cole, yeah. 89 00:06:05,264 --> 00:06:10,269 No, he got all the lyrics wrong and it was so annoying. 90 00:06:10,303 --> 00:06:13,707 What about that hot and sexy Latino guy that owned a bar? 91 00:06:13,740 --> 00:06:20,414 Okay, he made a really weird sound when he chewed and one of 92 00:06:20,447 --> 00:06:23,383 his toes was freakishly short. 93 00:06:23,417 --> 00:06:26,453 That isn't - I can't help that. 94 00:06:26,486 --> 00:06:28,588 You know the reason why you keep rejecting these guys has 95 00:06:28,622 --> 00:06:30,323 nothing to do with them. 96 00:06:30,357 --> 00:06:31,458 So what should I do? 97 00:06:31,491 --> 00:06:35,429 Date a guy, string him along, and then break his heart 98 00:06:35,462 --> 00:06:36,329 eventually? 99 00:06:36,363 --> 00:06:38,765 Tell me how that's better. 100 00:06:38,799 --> 00:06:40,967 You are an amazing, smart, beautiful, 101 00:06:41,001 --> 00:06:43,470 woman who deserves a great guy. 102 00:06:43,503 --> 00:06:45,439 But the universe keeps sending them to you and you keep 103 00:06:45,472 --> 00:06:46,873 returning them. 104 00:06:46,907 --> 00:06:49,509 Eventually, it's going to be too late. 105 00:07:06,893 --> 00:07:08,462 What is so funny? 106 00:07:08,495 --> 00:07:09,429 You don't want to know. 107 00:07:09,463 --> 00:07:10,964 So clicky. 108 00:07:10,997 --> 00:07:13,600 I still love you both, just a little bit less. 109 00:07:13,633 --> 00:07:16,670 Oh, how is your date with Mr. cargo shorts, Miles? 110 00:07:16,703 --> 00:07:18,638 It went exactly how I thought it was going to go. 111 00:07:18,672 --> 00:07:21,742 I almost fell asleep in my tiramisu. 112 00:07:21,775 --> 00:07:22,509 It was so boring. 113 00:07:22,542 --> 00:07:23,343 That's too bad. 114 00:07:23,376 --> 00:07:24,911 He was so cute. 115 00:07:24,945 --> 00:07:25,946 I know, but you have to be this cutesy goeth cargo shorts, 116 00:07:25,979 --> 00:07:27,681 honey. 117 00:07:27,714 --> 00:07:28,615 How did he take it? 118 00:07:28,648 --> 00:07:29,816 The usual way. 119 00:07:29,850 --> 00:07:32,552 You still slept with him? 120 00:07:32,586 --> 00:07:34,054 A lady never tells. 121 00:07:34,087 --> 00:07:38,625 A toast to somebody who just secured the star front on 122 00:07:38,658 --> 00:07:42,863 Melrose that they have been stocking for a year. 123 00:07:42,896 --> 00:07:46,666 Oh my God, you are a rockstar. 124 00:07:46,700 --> 00:07:48,902 We start construction next month and I just got a shipment 125 00:07:48,935 --> 00:07:51,705 of the most beautiful fabric the world has ever seen. 126 00:07:51,738 --> 00:07:52,472 Do you want to see the new one? 127 00:07:52,506 --> 00:07:52,873 Yes. 128 00:07:52,906 --> 00:07:54,875 Yes. 129 00:07:54,908 --> 00:07:55,809 Bam. 130 00:07:55,842 --> 00:07:56,710 Llamas. 131 00:07:56,743 --> 00:07:57,878 Alpacas. 132 00:07:57,911 --> 00:08:00,313 Llamas are so 2018. 133 00:08:00,347 --> 00:08:02,716 Of course Donna by design will be doing the grand opening. 134 00:08:02,749 --> 00:08:05,018 Of course. 135 00:08:05,051 --> 00:08:07,521 What if we have actual alpacas there? 136 00:08:07,554 --> 00:08:10,490 And then we make gift bags out of your material? 137 00:08:10,524 --> 00:08:11,858 Do alpacas spit? 138 00:08:11,892 --> 00:08:13,794 I think that's camels. 139 00:08:13,827 --> 00:08:16,062 Alpacas do spit but not the ones you ride. 140 00:08:16,096 --> 00:08:17,998 They are chill, they will do selfies. 141 00:08:23,904 --> 00:08:25,038 Hi, baby. 142 00:08:25,071 --> 00:08:27,607 Do you want corn, potatoes, and fried chicken tonight? 143 00:08:27,641 --> 00:08:31,344 Surprise me. 144 00:08:31,378 --> 00:08:33,079 Paul is so insanely hot. 145 00:08:33,113 --> 00:08:35,682 Just your average gourmet chef bodybuilder who can't keep 146 00:08:35,715 --> 00:08:37,417 his hands off me. 147 00:08:37,450 --> 00:08:39,953 His arms are ridiculous. 148 00:08:39,986 --> 00:08:42,656 You know how the elevator in our building is from the 1800s, 149 00:08:42,689 --> 00:08:44,825 literally anytime it's not working he just carries me up 150 00:08:44,858 --> 00:08:45,892 the stairs. 151 00:08:45,926 --> 00:08:48,094 It's so romantic. 152 00:08:48,128 --> 00:08:50,397 Speaking of romantic, did you enjoy your little sleepover? 153 00:08:50,430 --> 00:08:51,364 Did we? 154 00:08:51,398 --> 00:08:51,965 You spent the night? 155 00:08:51,998 --> 00:08:52,666 Try to keep up. 156 00:08:52,699 --> 00:08:54,467 It was fine. 157 00:08:54,501 --> 00:09:00,073 Until - Here it comes. 158 00:09:00,106 --> 00:09:01,575 You guys, he wears tighty whities? 159 00:09:01,608 --> 00:09:02,909 It's like having sex with my dad. 160 00:09:02,943 --> 00:09:04,578 Your dad wears boxer briefs. 161 00:09:04,611 --> 00:09:06,379 What? 162 00:09:06,413 --> 00:09:08,014 I accidentally saw him changing during one of your pool parties 163 00:09:08,048 --> 00:09:09,149 in middle school. 164 00:09:09,182 --> 00:09:10,417 Ew. 165 00:09:10,450 --> 00:09:12,419 He was packing heat. 166 00:09:12,452 --> 00:09:17,157 Stop, oh my God. 167 00:09:17,190 --> 00:09:19,693 This is ridiculous, give me that I'm going to pick the 168 00:09:19,726 --> 00:09:22,429 next one and I dare you to find something wrong with him. 169 00:09:22,462 --> 00:09:28,001 Okay, major agency gorgeous 6'1" and I know he doesn't wear 170 00:09:28,034 --> 00:09:29,936 tighty whities, because here is a picture of him looking fine 171 00:09:29,970 --> 00:09:35,075 and a pair of $165 Derrick Rose boxers. 172 00:09:35,108 --> 00:09:36,910 Bam. 173 00:09:36,943 --> 00:09:37,811 Bald. 174 00:09:37,844 --> 00:09:39,446 So? 175 00:09:39,479 --> 00:09:41,114 I don't find bald guys sexy. 176 00:09:41,147 --> 00:09:43,717 I never have, I can't get past the home Mr. clean thing. 177 00:09:43,750 --> 00:09:45,552 Mr. clean is freaking hot. 178 00:09:45,585 --> 00:09:47,420 And you know his house would be spotless. 179 00:09:47,454 --> 00:09:49,856 That's strange. 180 00:09:49,890 --> 00:09:53,026 They are saying that that whole virus thing is crazy contagious. 181 00:09:53,059 --> 00:09:56,596 Like, it could end up being a pandemic. 182 00:09:56,630 --> 00:09:58,431 The news is so extra. 183 00:09:58,465 --> 00:10:00,467 Always exaggerating. 184 00:10:12,612 --> 00:10:13,213 Delivery. 185 00:10:13,246 --> 00:10:18,752 Okay, thanks. 186 00:10:23,490 --> 00:10:27,894 All right, mask on. 187 00:10:27,928 --> 00:10:30,664 Oh, oh my gosh I am so sorry. 188 00:10:30,697 --> 00:10:32,232 I thought that you were done. 189 00:10:32,265 --> 00:10:34,034 I am almost done. 190 00:10:34,067 --> 00:10:36,836 I'm sorry, I know that that wasn't six feet but I want you 191 00:10:36,870 --> 00:10:38,471 to know that I have not left my - 192 00:10:38,505 --> 00:10:39,572 I better. 193 00:10:39,606 --> 00:10:40,774 Since lockdown started. 194 00:10:40,807 --> 00:10:43,643 I have not had close physical contact with anyone else, 195 00:10:43,677 --> 00:10:46,746 like in a long time. 196 00:10:46,780 --> 00:10:49,182 Like even before the virus. 197 00:10:49,215 --> 00:10:52,018 Oh, that's sad. 198 00:10:52,052 --> 00:10:54,020 No, I mean I have friends. 199 00:10:54,054 --> 00:10:55,722 Going dates. 200 00:10:55,755 --> 00:10:58,491 But, I just don't have anybody, what I'm saying is I'm totally 201 00:10:58,525 --> 00:11:00,093 safe. 202 00:11:00,126 --> 00:11:02,262 Oh, can I go now? 203 00:11:02,295 --> 00:11:03,163 Of course. 204 00:11:03,196 --> 00:11:04,164 Of course. 205 00:11:04,197 --> 00:11:08,468 I will wait until you are done. 206 00:12:24,244 --> 00:12:25,879 All right. 207 00:12:27,348 --> 00:12:29,115 Okay, instead of starting with our usual quiz to loosen 208 00:12:29,149 --> 00:12:31,851 everyone up, I thought we might try something else. 209 00:12:31,885 --> 00:12:34,321 A new what is your Princess game. 210 00:12:34,355 --> 00:12:36,923 I sent a link. 211 00:12:36,956 --> 00:12:39,793 Claire, you go first. 212 00:12:39,826 --> 00:12:44,964 If I don't get snow white, this stupid thing is broken. 213 00:12:44,998 --> 00:12:48,168 Cinderella, so basic. 214 00:12:48,201 --> 00:12:50,170 Brian, there is something wrong with your camera, 215 00:12:50,203 --> 00:12:52,972 we can't see you. 216 00:12:53,006 --> 00:12:56,676 Sorry, Tony, it's been one of those mornings. 217 00:12:56,709 --> 00:12:59,946 You know, like, every morning until the end of time, 218 00:12:59,979 --> 00:13:03,083 apparently. 219 00:13:03,116 --> 00:13:05,752 Dad, I need a computer for zoom class and Devon is using it 220 00:13:05,785 --> 00:13:07,887 to play Minecraft. 221 00:13:07,921 --> 00:13:13,259 He said I could do Minecraft for my naptime. 222 00:13:13,293 --> 00:13:14,528 Excuse me for one moment. 223 00:13:14,562 --> 00:13:19,165 Dad is working, now although I am in the shower I am at work. 224 00:13:19,199 --> 00:13:21,302 From what I'm seeing down here, Devon, 225 00:13:21,335 --> 00:13:23,370 you've got two options young man. 226 00:13:23,404 --> 00:13:26,106 Either you learn how to wipe the toilet seat and get the pee off 227 00:13:26,139 --> 00:13:28,409 of it or learn how to be a man and hit the can. 228 00:13:28,442 --> 00:13:33,913 Do I make myself clear, sir? 229 00:13:35,248 --> 00:13:38,284 Sorry, I was just helping the kids with their homework. 230 00:13:38,319 --> 00:13:39,420 Where were we? 231 00:13:39,453 --> 00:13:43,690 The princess thing. 232 00:13:45,225 --> 00:13:48,928 Wait, Mulan isn't a princess? 233 00:13:48,962 --> 00:13:50,797 She is a warrior. 234 00:13:50,830 --> 00:13:52,298 Vanessa. 235 00:13:52,333 --> 00:13:57,770 Yeah, snow white. 236 00:13:57,804 --> 00:13:59,072 Great. 237 00:13:59,105 --> 00:14:01,174 Okay, right. 238 00:14:01,207 --> 00:14:02,942 Whatever. 239 00:14:02,976 --> 00:14:04,677 Can we start, please? 240 00:14:04,711 --> 00:14:07,113 I have a client with a ton of questionable's on his Google 241 00:14:07,147 --> 00:14:07,914 results. 242 00:14:07,947 --> 00:14:12,152 Can we take a look at Greg Swanton? 243 00:14:12,185 --> 00:14:15,188 What a creep, did you see his Snapchat profile pic? 244 00:14:15,221 --> 00:14:18,459 He didn't even pay the nursing home his own mother or 245 00:14:18,492 --> 00:14:20,226 daddy. 246 00:14:20,260 --> 00:14:22,228 It gets worse, there's a ton of nasty reviews on Amazon and 247 00:14:22,262 --> 00:14:25,865 he had so many anti-immigrant tweets his housekeepers quit. 248 00:14:25,899 --> 00:14:28,101 That wasn't because of the tweets. 249 00:14:28,134 --> 00:14:29,936 They sued him for sexual harassment. 250 00:14:29,969 --> 00:14:31,971 I'm going to have to write a ton of content to push this past 251 00:14:32,005 --> 00:14:33,806 the first two pages. 252 00:14:36,477 --> 00:14:39,279 Vanessa- I'm at work. 253 00:14:39,313 --> 00:14:40,347 Well, I would tell you to call me back later but I'm about 254 00:14:40,381 --> 00:14:41,781 to have a heart attack from stress. 255 00:14:41,814 --> 00:14:43,350 So don't worry about it. 256 00:14:43,384 --> 00:14:46,320 I want a simple memorial, Cardi B should do something from her 257 00:14:46,353 --> 00:14:47,621 first album. 258 00:14:47,655 --> 00:14:50,190 I want to be buried in that gray suit with a collar and I want my 259 00:14:50,223 --> 00:14:52,158 ashes scattered in Fred Segal. 260 00:14:52,192 --> 00:14:54,794 Okay, everybody relax. 261 00:14:54,827 --> 00:14:56,296 Relax? 262 00:14:56,330 --> 00:14:57,897 The bank is going to foreclose on my store if I don't come up 263 00:14:57,931 --> 00:14:59,299 with some payments. 264 00:14:59,333 --> 00:15:00,401 I'm sure that everyone is going to start buying stuff 265 00:15:00,434 --> 00:15:02,336 again soon. 266 00:15:02,369 --> 00:15:04,505 And one is that, a year from now? 267 00:15:04,538 --> 00:15:07,106 I will be living in a box by then. 268 00:15:07,140 --> 00:15:14,280 Luckily, I have a ton to choose I sold one shirt in the last 269 00:15:14,315 --> 00:15:15,915 week and I'm pretty sure the guys just going to use as toilet 270 00:15:15,949 --> 00:15:19,185 paper. 271 00:15:24,458 --> 00:15:25,959 We are just wondering what is so funny about this client being 272 00:15:25,992 --> 00:15:29,229 wrongfully accused of strangling a sex worker? 273 00:15:33,900 --> 00:15:39,806 Okay, the Nobel Prize for blank goes to blank. 274 00:15:45,479 --> 00:15:48,147 Whining, the whole Internet. 275 00:15:48,181 --> 00:15:49,882 Hey, babe, can you pick me up my prescription before they 276 00:15:49,916 --> 00:15:51,050 close? 277 00:15:51,084 --> 00:15:52,185 Sure. 278 00:15:52,218 --> 00:15:54,555 Do you have masks, gloves, sanitizer? 279 00:15:54,588 --> 00:15:56,256 Yes, ma'am. 280 00:15:56,289 --> 00:16:00,960 Get in, get the prescription, and get out, no browsing. 281 00:16:00,994 --> 00:16:04,331 And have a wet wipe ready to touch the door handle. 282 00:16:04,365 --> 00:16:07,834 Aye, aye captain. 283 00:16:09,902 --> 00:16:12,138 See you guys. 284 00:16:12,171 --> 00:16:14,941 You are fun. 285 00:16:17,110 --> 00:16:18,244 Okay, see know how my birthday is only eight months 286 00:16:18,278 --> 00:16:19,846 away? 287 00:16:19,879 --> 00:16:21,382 Yes, everyone knows. 288 00:16:21,415 --> 00:16:22,915 Yes, we all know. 289 00:16:22,949 --> 00:16:24,418 Will you please get help, get help right away. 290 00:16:24,451 --> 00:16:28,121 So I think Paul is planning something big, like really big. 291 00:16:28,154 --> 00:16:31,157 Like getting down on one knee big. 292 00:16:31,190 --> 00:16:33,092 Well, seems like a weird time for a protest but I'm down for 293 00:16:33,126 --> 00:16:34,127 the cause. 294 00:16:34,160 --> 00:16:35,228 Seriously? 295 00:16:35,261 --> 00:16:36,463 What makes you think that? 296 00:16:36,497 --> 00:16:39,566 He is being super cagey about the specifics. 297 00:16:39,600 --> 00:16:43,970 Maybe it's because it's literally eight months away. 298 00:16:44,003 --> 00:16:46,607 All I do is plan other people's big days. 299 00:16:46,640 --> 00:16:50,276 Now it's finally my turn. 300 00:16:50,311 --> 00:16:54,180 Or, at least it will be once this stupid virus is gone. 301 00:16:54,213 --> 00:16:57,950 Wait, check him out. 302 00:16:57,984 --> 00:17:00,621 I would kill for all of that hair. 303 00:17:00,654 --> 00:17:04,290 No jury in the world would convict me. 304 00:17:04,325 --> 00:17:05,592 It's a match. 305 00:17:05,626 --> 00:17:10,196 He said he now has day pajamas and night pajamas. 306 00:17:10,229 --> 00:17:13,132 I'm going to go talk to him. 307 00:17:13,166 --> 00:17:16,437 Don't hang up, you're not doing anything. 308 00:17:22,643 --> 00:17:24,243 Hi. 309 00:17:24,277 --> 00:17:27,013 Hi. 310 00:17:27,046 --> 00:17:28,915 Okay, Miss gorgeous, what are you doing on this lame ass 311 00:17:28,948 --> 00:17:31,250 dating app? 312 00:17:31,284 --> 00:17:33,554 Oh, you know, just looking for a little fun while my 313 00:17:33,587 --> 00:17:36,089 husband is on a sold-out tour with his Grammy award-winning 314 00:17:36,122 --> 00:17:38,257 band. 315 00:17:38,291 --> 00:17:39,493 Is it Bono? 316 00:17:39,526 --> 00:17:41,362 It is Bono, isn't it? 317 00:17:41,395 --> 00:17:43,062 I can't tell you that. 318 00:17:43,096 --> 00:17:44,465 But yes, it is Bono. 319 00:17:44,498 --> 00:17:47,334 Wow, that is impressive. 320 00:17:47,368 --> 00:17:50,571 My wife is a supermodel two PhD's so I certainly would know. 321 00:17:55,476 --> 00:17:58,277 It is so weird, isn't it? 322 00:17:58,312 --> 00:18:00,146 I have watched every video on the Internet and I mean, 323 00:18:00,179 --> 00:18:02,949 every single one. 324 00:18:02,982 --> 00:18:04,951 I haven't worn a bra in weeks. 325 00:18:04,984 --> 00:18:07,521 Me neither. 326 00:18:07,554 --> 00:18:09,989 I went to get something out of my purse yesterday and I was 327 00:18:10,022 --> 00:18:13,059 like, oh my God, that's right, we used to have purses. 328 00:18:13,092 --> 00:18:16,929 I'm pretty sure my shoes think I died. 329 00:18:18,332 --> 00:18:22,503 It just happened so fast, didn't it? 330 00:18:22,536 --> 00:18:24,103 I remember when they told us to sing happy birthday while we 331 00:18:24,137 --> 00:18:29,476 washed our hands and I was like okay. 332 00:18:29,510 --> 00:18:32,211 Seems like a million years ago. 333 00:18:32,245 --> 00:18:38,184 So, do you want to take this to the next level and face time? 334 00:18:38,217 --> 00:18:40,687 Slow down there, we just met. 335 00:18:40,721 --> 00:18:42,523 Sure. 336 00:18:42,556 --> 00:18:45,191 Why not? 337 00:18:45,224 --> 00:18:45,958 Okay. 338 00:19:16,022 --> 00:19:17,023 Is Brandon there? 339 00:19:17,056 --> 00:19:19,626 Yes, let me get him for you. 340 00:19:24,498 --> 00:19:26,366 Ta-da. 341 00:19:26,400 --> 00:19:29,268 Oh, it's you. 342 00:19:29,303 --> 00:19:33,540 It's just, your profile pic you looked a lot - 343 00:19:33,574 --> 00:19:35,542 Younger and with more hair. 344 00:19:35,576 --> 00:19:38,712 Yes, they are not the most recent photos but they are all 345 00:19:38,745 --> 00:19:40,781 me. 346 00:19:40,814 --> 00:19:43,584 Got you. 347 00:19:43,617 --> 00:19:45,719 But I did lie about something. 348 00:19:45,752 --> 00:19:47,119 Okay. 349 00:19:47,153 --> 00:19:49,790 Yes, I don't have day and night pajamas. 350 00:19:49,823 --> 00:19:56,797 What I have are inside and outside pajamas. 351 00:19:56,830 --> 00:19:59,766 And those are? 352 00:19:59,800 --> 00:20:00,968 Well, these are outside pajamas, of course. 353 00:20:01,000 --> 00:20:02,603 What kind of Neanderthal would meet a lady in his inside 354 00:20:02,636 --> 00:20:04,805 pajamas? 355 00:20:04,838 --> 00:20:08,174 Well, at least you have a nice place to quarantine. 356 00:20:08,207 --> 00:20:10,744 That fireplace is huge. 357 00:20:10,777 --> 00:20:14,481 Yes, but it's not how big it is, it's how you use it. 358 00:20:18,385 --> 00:20:21,053 So, what do you do? 359 00:20:21,087 --> 00:20:22,589 What do I do? 360 00:20:22,623 --> 00:20:27,394 I help rich people manage their time so that they can make even 361 00:20:27,427 --> 00:20:30,263 more money. 362 00:20:30,296 --> 00:20:32,499 A consultant. 363 00:20:32,533 --> 00:20:33,800 Hello. 364 00:20:33,834 --> 00:20:36,503 Yes, hello. 365 00:20:36,537 --> 00:20:38,338 My God, who is this? 366 00:20:38,372 --> 00:20:41,642 This is countryside Windsor Bell of Northampton acres. 367 00:20:41,675 --> 00:20:42,709 Your kidding me. 368 00:20:42,743 --> 00:20:44,411 I wish that I was. 369 00:20:44,444 --> 00:20:47,179 I did not name her she is a show champion. 370 00:20:47,213 --> 00:20:48,549 But I call her Steve. 371 00:20:48,582 --> 00:20:50,751 Say hello, Steve. 372 00:20:50,784 --> 00:20:53,152 Poor princess, that's terrible. 373 00:20:53,185 --> 00:20:55,856 She's adorable so she gets away with murder. 374 00:20:55,889 --> 00:21:01,093 Which, I'm sure you can relate to. 375 00:21:01,127 --> 00:21:04,431 Brandon - You are killing my game here, 376 00:21:04,464 --> 00:21:06,833 Steve I was seriously crushing this. 377 00:21:06,867 --> 00:21:08,535 Look, you're a great guy. 378 00:21:08,569 --> 00:21:10,304 Great, I will meet you at City Hall in an hour and we can 379 00:21:10,337 --> 00:21:13,072 tie the knot. 380 00:21:15,409 --> 00:21:16,577 No, I get it. 381 00:21:16,610 --> 00:21:19,479 You are out of my league. 382 00:21:19,513 --> 00:21:21,648 What, I didn't say that. 383 00:21:21,682 --> 00:21:23,350 Didn't you? 384 00:21:23,383 --> 00:21:26,787 I'm really sorry. 385 00:21:26,820 --> 00:21:29,823 Yeah, look, I know I should've put up a more recent 386 00:21:29,856 --> 00:21:32,859 photo. 387 00:21:32,893 --> 00:21:35,629 I also know how the world works. 388 00:21:35,662 --> 00:21:38,332 And for the first time in my life, 389 00:21:38,365 --> 00:21:43,269 I feel like I'm running out of time. 390 00:21:44,404 --> 00:21:46,238 It turns out a global pandemic can cause a lot of 391 00:21:46,272 --> 00:21:48,542 soul-searching, who knew? 392 00:21:48,575 --> 00:21:51,210 Maybe there is a multi-verse out there where your insides matter 393 00:21:51,243 --> 00:21:53,647 more than your outsides. 394 00:21:53,680 --> 00:21:55,716 And if there is, I will meet you there. 395 00:21:55,749 --> 00:22:01,722 But, until then I'm sorry that I wasted your time. 396 00:22:01,755 --> 00:22:03,457 Say goodbye to the nice lady, Steve. 397 00:22:03,490 --> 00:22:05,224 Goodbye. 398 00:22:05,926 --> 00:22:08,194 Wait. 399 00:22:08,227 --> 00:22:09,730 How do you like your steak? 400 00:22:09,763 --> 00:22:11,297 My steak? 401 00:22:11,331 --> 00:22:13,900 Like literally or is this some kind of a sex thing? 402 00:22:13,934 --> 00:22:16,370 No, literally. 403 00:22:16,403 --> 00:22:18,204 Medium. 404 00:22:18,237 --> 00:22:20,340 Usually I just leave it up to the chef. 405 00:22:20,374 --> 00:22:21,608 Nothing weird on top? 406 00:22:21,642 --> 00:22:24,911 Is steak sauce weird? 407 00:22:24,945 --> 00:22:29,449 Okay, if you had to choose the original Charlie and the 408 00:22:29,483 --> 00:22:31,918 chocolate factory or the Tim Burton remake? 409 00:22:31,952 --> 00:22:33,820 You are not seriously asking me that. 410 00:22:33,854 --> 00:22:35,489 I am. 411 00:22:35,522 --> 00:22:37,524 Okay, if aliens were given that remake to decide whether or 412 00:22:37,557 --> 00:22:39,760 not to keep us alive as a species, 413 00:22:39,793 --> 00:22:41,862 they would instantly vaporize us. 414 00:22:41,895 --> 00:22:44,398 And, they should. 415 00:22:44,431 --> 00:22:45,432 Right, Steve? 416 00:22:48,969 --> 00:22:50,904 Dogs or cats? 417 00:22:50,937 --> 00:22:56,576 I'm actually allergic to cats but I love them so much am going 418 00:22:56,610 --> 00:22:59,379 to pick them anyway. 419 00:22:59,413 --> 00:23:01,448 Sorry, Steve. 420 00:23:01,481 --> 00:23:05,786 She's already stormed off to file a complaint with HR. 421 00:23:05,819 --> 00:23:08,655 My mistake, it is time for the morning walkies. 422 00:23:08,689 --> 00:23:11,358 Crap, I forgot what time is it? 423 00:23:11,391 --> 00:23:13,927 It is 8:52 AM. 424 00:23:13,960 --> 00:23:15,429 I have to be at work in eight minutes. 425 00:23:15,462 --> 00:23:16,663 Quick get in the shower. 426 00:23:16,697 --> 00:23:19,866 Where are my shoes? 427 00:23:19,900 --> 00:23:23,737 But seriously, I do have to go and look semi-human for work. 428 00:23:23,770 --> 00:23:25,939 This was really nice. 429 00:23:25,972 --> 00:23:29,241 Yes, it certainly was. 430 00:23:29,275 --> 00:23:30,744 Can I call you later? 431 00:23:30,777 --> 00:23:31,978 Sure. 432 00:23:32,012 --> 00:23:33,647 I will be done around 2:00 PM. 433 00:23:33,680 --> 00:23:38,385 2:00 PM will not work, I will be placing my empty pizza box on 434 00:23:38,418 --> 00:23:40,252 top of my trash pile. 435 00:23:40,286 --> 00:23:41,755 How is 3:00 PM 436 00:23:41,788 --> 00:23:44,324 No, I'm sorry, that's not going to work because 437 00:23:44,357 --> 00:23:47,259 I'm going be holding my hair like this to see if bangs would 438 00:23:47,293 --> 00:23:48,829 work at 3:00 PM. 439 00:23:48,862 --> 00:23:51,898 Well, this just isn't going to work out. 440 00:23:51,932 --> 00:23:53,967 Oh, no, I guess not. 441 00:23:54,000 --> 00:23:55,402 It was nice meeting you, though. 442 00:23:55,435 --> 00:23:56,002 Stay safe. 443 00:23:56,036 --> 00:23:57,537 Jinx. 444 00:23:57,571 --> 00:24:00,507 Now I have to call you so that you can un-jinx me. 445 00:24:03,477 --> 00:24:04,578 You hang up first. 446 00:24:04,611 --> 00:24:08,615 You hang up first. 447 00:24:11,752 --> 00:24:12,886 Anyone else have anything? 448 00:24:12,919 --> 00:24:17,991 I need an article about 90s TV shows. 449 00:24:18,024 --> 00:24:19,626 Vanessa, why don't you do it? 450 00:24:19,659 --> 00:24:21,595 You grew up watching them. 451 00:24:21,628 --> 00:24:23,730 I'm only nine years older than you. 452 00:24:23,764 --> 00:24:25,332 10. 453 00:24:25,365 --> 00:24:27,334 Whatevs. 454 00:24:27,367 --> 00:24:31,705 See, that's something old people say like lit, or fam, 455 00:24:31,738 --> 00:24:34,508 or Facebook. 456 00:24:34,541 --> 00:24:38,311 Okay, before we say goodbye, let's just go around and do one 457 00:24:38,345 --> 00:24:39,513 quick - >> 458 00:24:39,546 --> 00:24:46,553 My modem is freezing let me call you back. 459 00:24:46,586 --> 00:24:48,955 Miles, I know we talked about this. 460 00:24:48,989 --> 00:24:51,858 I am a carbon-based life form this is how we processed waste. 461 00:24:51,892 --> 00:24:53,059 It's disgusting. 462 00:24:53,093 --> 00:24:54,394 Everybody poops, Donna. 463 00:24:54,427 --> 00:24:56,763 I read in a book. 464 00:24:56,797 --> 00:24:58,098 Would you just call us back when you are done? 465 00:24:58,131 --> 00:25:00,567 Wait. 466 00:25:00,600 --> 00:25:02,035 I'm done. 467 00:25:02,068 --> 00:25:07,741 Oh, God. 468 00:25:11,978 --> 00:25:13,914 That was not 20 seconds. 469 00:25:13,947 --> 00:25:16,883 I am in my own home Donatello what am I touching? 470 00:25:16,917 --> 00:25:19,786 Everything. 471 00:25:22,656 --> 00:25:25,592 I am so sorry, excuse me. 472 00:25:25,625 --> 00:25:27,994 I'm just a little tired for my all-nighter last night. 473 00:25:28,028 --> 00:25:32,365 You cybered with Mr. gray hair last night? 474 00:25:32,399 --> 00:25:33,800 Yes. 475 00:25:33,834 --> 00:25:37,437 His name is Brandon, and to be honest, 476 00:25:37,470 --> 00:25:39,573 those pics were like from 20 pounds in 2 inches of hairline 477 00:25:39,606 --> 00:25:40,841 ago. 478 00:25:40,874 --> 00:25:42,843 I knew it, that was the hair of the gods. 479 00:25:42,876 --> 00:25:44,544 Wait, I'm confused. 480 00:25:44,578 --> 00:25:48,582 It took you all night to tell him never to contact you again? 481 00:25:48,615 --> 00:25:51,952 Brutal. 482 00:25:51,985 --> 00:25:53,153 No. 483 00:25:53,186 --> 00:25:57,023 We actually spent all night getting to know each other. 484 00:25:57,057 --> 00:25:58,525 I never met anyone like him. 485 00:25:58,558 --> 00:26:01,528 But - There is no but. 486 00:26:01,561 --> 00:26:03,463 There's always a but. 487 00:26:03,496 --> 00:26:05,432 Not this time. 488 00:26:05,465 --> 00:26:10,670 He is funny, he is sweet, smart, and you know he also has an 489 00:26:10,704 --> 00:26:13,006 insane home in the Hollywood Hills. 490 00:26:13,039 --> 00:26:15,575 Okay, so you're not attracted to him you are attracted to his 491 00:26:15,609 --> 00:26:17,110 house. 492 00:26:17,143 --> 00:26:18,178 Hey, that's not fair. 493 00:26:18,211 --> 00:26:20,080 She is attracted to his job also. 494 00:26:20,113 --> 00:26:23,183 Yes, he's successful. 495 00:26:23,216 --> 00:26:24,618 But he's also not my type so I feel like those things cancel 496 00:26:24,651 --> 00:26:26,453 each other out. 497 00:26:26,486 --> 00:26:31,691 That isn't how love works, it isn't antimatter. 498 00:26:31,725 --> 00:26:33,193 Isn't it? 499 00:26:33,226 --> 00:26:34,928 We trade the imperfections we can't live with for the ones 500 00:26:34,961 --> 00:26:35,962 that we can. 501 00:26:35,996 --> 00:26:38,632 Plus, you guys knew me before. 502 00:26:38,665 --> 00:26:42,002 You know how hard I have worked to really get to like who I am 503 00:26:42,035 --> 00:26:43,603 today. 504 00:26:43,637 --> 00:26:47,007 Yes, you were fluffier and your skin was interesting. 505 00:26:47,040 --> 00:26:49,910 But you are still the same person on the inside. 506 00:26:49,943 --> 00:26:54,180 People love to say that but it's not true. 507 00:26:54,214 --> 00:26:56,049 You know, when you live in a world where your outside is more 508 00:26:56,082 --> 00:27:01,488 important than the inside, it changes your inside. 509 00:27:01,521 --> 00:27:03,723 Not for the good. 510 00:27:03,757 --> 00:27:05,959 How much do you even know about this guy? 511 00:27:05,992 --> 00:27:07,794 Have you run him through your scrub me program? 512 00:27:07,827 --> 00:27:09,863 No, not yet. 513 00:27:09,896 --> 00:27:11,097 But I'm going to get his last name at dinner tonight and then 514 00:27:11,131 --> 00:27:16,169 going deep, Instagram, Snapchat, Facebook, background check. 515 00:27:16,202 --> 00:27:18,004 If this guy has so much as an unpaid parking ticket I'm going 516 00:27:18,038 --> 00:27:19,606 to find it. 517 00:27:19,639 --> 00:27:21,041 Or, hear me out. 518 00:27:21,074 --> 00:27:24,177 You could just trust that he's a good guy. 519 00:27:28,181 --> 00:27:30,583 Yeah because insane, psycho, stalkers usually put that right 520 00:27:30,617 --> 00:27:32,819 in their profile. 521 00:27:32,852 --> 00:27:35,755 That reminds me, I need to see via MySpace page. 522 00:27:35,789 --> 00:27:38,792 What, you have nothing in your digital profile? 523 00:27:38,825 --> 00:27:41,561 Of course I do, which is exactly why I hit it. 524 00:27:41,594 --> 00:27:43,196 Try to keep up. 525 00:27:43,229 --> 00:27:45,699 I'm all for the background check but the other stuff, 526 00:27:45,732 --> 00:27:50,537 if you like him, you like him. 527 00:27:51,571 --> 00:27:53,006 Wait. 528 00:27:53,039 --> 00:27:53,907 What time is it? 529 00:27:53,940 --> 00:27:56,576 I have to go shave my legs for tonight. 530 00:27:56,609 --> 00:27:58,945 We are having our first real dinner date. 531 00:27:58,979 --> 00:28:01,181 No guy wants to find out the girl he's talking to is 532 00:28:01,214 --> 00:28:02,248 half yeti. 533 00:28:02,282 --> 00:28:03,917 Donna, will you stay on? 534 00:28:03,950 --> 00:28:06,052 I want us to watch housewives together. 535 00:28:06,086 --> 00:28:08,788 I have to go do something first. 536 00:28:08,822 --> 00:28:09,357 What? 537 00:28:09,390 --> 00:28:10,190 Just take me with you. 538 00:28:10,223 --> 00:28:12,058 No. 539 00:28:12,092 --> 00:28:13,994 Wait? 540 00:28:14,027 --> 00:28:15,695 Are you pooping? 541 00:28:15,729 --> 00:28:16,963 Girls don't poop. 542 00:28:16,997 --> 00:28:18,665 Yes you do. 543 00:28:18,698 --> 00:28:21,101 No, actually we don't, ever. 544 00:28:21,134 --> 00:28:24,704 Siri, do girls poop? 545 00:28:24,738 --> 00:28:26,606 Girls do poop, here are some videos. 546 00:28:26,639 --> 00:28:29,709 No, God no. 547 00:28:43,023 --> 00:28:45,025 Now, listen, this is a very important night for me, 548 00:28:45,058 --> 00:28:46,126 don't you mess it up. 549 00:28:46,159 --> 00:28:48,094 Okay? 550 00:28:48,128 --> 00:28:51,865 High five. 551 00:29:04,210 --> 00:29:06,046 Fine, here. 552 00:29:06,646 --> 00:29:08,681 I'm a little bit nervous, okay. 553 00:29:10,683 --> 00:29:11,851 Okay. 554 00:29:13,787 --> 00:29:15,922 I told you no teeth. 555 00:29:15,955 --> 00:29:17,891 Hello. 556 00:29:17,924 --> 00:29:21,294 Wow, you look ravishing. 557 00:29:21,328 --> 00:29:23,963 This old thing. 558 00:29:23,997 --> 00:29:25,598 I've had it forever. 559 00:29:25,632 --> 00:29:27,801 You look quite handsome yourself. 560 00:29:27,834 --> 00:29:29,370 Well, thank you. 561 00:29:29,403 --> 00:29:33,840 Actually, since it is our first date, I decided to wear pants. 562 00:29:33,873 --> 00:29:35,608 Wow. 563 00:29:35,642 --> 00:29:37,210 And shoes. 564 00:29:37,243 --> 00:29:38,611 I remember those. 565 00:29:38,645 --> 00:29:41,781 Yes, it was a very emotional reunion. 566 00:29:44,918 --> 00:29:48,254 So, Brandon, what is your last name? 567 00:29:48,288 --> 00:29:49,756 It is Donaldson. 568 00:29:49,789 --> 00:29:51,291 What is yours? 569 00:29:51,325 --> 00:29:53,026 McConnell. 570 00:29:53,059 --> 00:29:54,861 I have been talking to you for like eight hours today and I 571 00:29:54,894 --> 00:29:57,197 never asked you what you do for a living. 572 00:29:57,230 --> 00:30:00,633 Well, first of all, it was 10 and secondly, 573 00:30:00,667 --> 00:30:02,735 I work for a company that suppresses negative Internet 574 00:30:02,769 --> 00:30:04,871 results on Google. 575 00:30:04,904 --> 00:30:06,873 Basically, we write original content to push the stuff that 576 00:30:06,906 --> 00:30:10,344 people don't want you to see to the third page. 577 00:30:10,377 --> 00:30:11,978 You know, you could just click past the first two pages 578 00:30:12,011 --> 00:30:13,646 of a Google search and go straight to the third page, 579 00:30:13,680 --> 00:30:14,647 right? 580 00:30:14,681 --> 00:30:16,950 What? 581 00:30:16,983 --> 00:30:18,718 Hold on, I have to write this down. 582 00:30:18,751 --> 00:30:20,053 I'm calling my boss. 583 00:30:20,086 --> 00:30:23,123 You have just blown this whole operation wide open. 584 00:30:23,156 --> 00:30:27,727 I'm sorry had to come from me. 585 00:30:27,760 --> 00:30:29,762 To lock down. 586 00:30:29,796 --> 00:30:31,764 To lock down. 587 00:30:37,471 --> 00:30:39,873 Wow. 588 00:30:39,906 --> 00:30:41,308 What? 589 00:30:41,342 --> 00:30:45,078 It's just, I keep having these moments where I realize 590 00:30:45,111 --> 00:30:48,315 certain things are just not forever. 591 00:30:48,349 --> 00:30:52,785 Like, posting. 592 00:30:52,819 --> 00:30:56,222 Jesus, you are right. 593 00:30:56,256 --> 00:30:58,191 I mean we used to touch our glasses together and then drink 594 00:30:58,224 --> 00:30:59,726 from them. 595 00:30:59,759 --> 00:31:02,028 We used to blow candles out on birthday cakes, 596 00:31:02,061 --> 00:31:06,833 sliced them up and then distribute them to children. 597 00:31:11,438 --> 00:31:14,841 So, I go into the boys bathroom and I line up a ton of toilet 598 00:31:14,874 --> 00:31:17,143 paper and I shove into both nostrils. 599 00:31:17,177 --> 00:31:18,845 Oh, no. 600 00:31:18,878 --> 00:31:22,715 And I'm praying, please let me get past the next few hours 601 00:31:22,749 --> 00:31:27,421 of second-grade and no one will know that I have a bloody nose. 602 00:31:27,454 --> 00:31:29,923 Oh, yes, full proof plan. 603 00:31:29,956 --> 00:31:31,425 Thank you. 604 00:31:31,458 --> 00:31:34,260 All right, so, it's the end of school and I dart across the 605 00:31:34,294 --> 00:31:36,430 playground. 606 00:31:36,463 --> 00:31:39,032 I'm thinking that I'm getting there. 607 00:31:39,065 --> 00:31:42,735 Then, there is a line of pre-k kids walking so slowly, 608 00:31:42,769 --> 00:31:44,270 with the rope and everything. 609 00:31:44,305 --> 00:31:47,807 I feel the surge coming but I get past them. 610 00:31:47,840 --> 00:31:52,745 For some reason, I turn and then blood just splurging out of both 611 00:31:52,779 --> 00:31:53,846 nostrils. 612 00:31:53,880 --> 00:31:55,982 No. 613 00:31:56,015 --> 00:31:58,117 It's like at the end of the Texas chainsaw massacre in the 614 00:31:58,151 --> 00:32:04,224 elevator scene in the shining had a baby - and from that point 615 00:32:04,257 --> 00:32:10,497 until the end of the 12th grade I was known as bloody Mary. 616 00:32:14,167 --> 00:32:16,303 Wow. 617 00:32:16,337 --> 00:32:18,305 That beats mine for sure. 618 00:32:18,339 --> 00:32:20,907 I told you that mine was worse. 619 00:32:22,842 --> 00:32:24,445 What time is it? 620 00:32:24,478 --> 00:32:30,551 It's like 3 AM, I think. I've got to go to bed. 621 00:32:30,584 --> 00:32:31,452 Okay. 622 00:32:31,485 --> 00:32:33,987 Good night, V. 623 00:32:34,020 --> 00:32:36,189 Is it okay that I called you, V? 624 00:32:36,222 --> 00:32:41,227 Yeah, sure. 625 00:32:41,261 --> 00:32:45,198 My best friends call me that. 626 00:32:45,231 --> 00:32:47,166 Good night. 627 00:32:47,200 --> 00:32:50,236 Bloody Mary. 628 00:32:50,270 --> 00:32:52,272 I will come for you. 629 00:32:55,442 --> 00:32:57,311 Look at my new mask. 630 00:32:57,344 --> 00:32:58,445 It's cute. 631 00:32:58,479 --> 00:32:59,979 Are those little dogs? 632 00:33:00,013 --> 00:33:03,049 No, they are dicks. 633 00:33:03,082 --> 00:33:05,586 That way if anybody is like why are there dicks on your mask? 634 00:33:05,619 --> 00:33:08,021 I can tell them, if you can tell that they are dicks you are 635 00:33:08,054 --> 00:33:09,390 standing too close. 636 00:33:09,423 --> 00:33:11,991 Six feet apart mother fucker. 637 00:33:12,025 --> 00:33:13,293 Brilliant. 638 00:33:13,327 --> 00:33:15,128 Dick mask, yes. 639 00:33:15,161 --> 00:33:17,498 Let me take two of them. 640 00:33:17,531 --> 00:33:19,466 I made out of the T-shirt fabric I just sold 45, 641 00:33:19,500 --> 00:33:22,235 no I'm sorry 49 people ordered them. 642 00:33:22,268 --> 00:33:23,570 Do you know what this means? 643 00:33:23,604 --> 00:33:25,406 I am at the forefront. 644 00:33:25,439 --> 00:33:27,940 I'm going to be a titan of industry. 645 00:33:27,974 --> 00:33:29,876 So, did you get his last name? 646 00:33:29,909 --> 00:33:32,979 Yes, I did. 647 00:33:33,012 --> 00:33:33,846 Well? 648 00:33:33,880 --> 00:33:36,550 Don't keep us waiting, how bad is it? 649 00:33:36,583 --> 00:33:38,851 I haven't looked them up yet. 650 00:33:38,885 --> 00:33:41,287 I was going to and then I thought, you know, 651 00:33:41,322 --> 00:33:46,092 I have over analyzed every relationship that I've ever had. 652 00:33:46,125 --> 00:33:48,529 What if I just trust it? 653 00:33:48,562 --> 00:33:50,364 Maybe Miles was right? 654 00:33:50,397 --> 00:33:52,433 I'm sorry, I was looking at my phone and then I heard maybe 655 00:33:52,466 --> 00:33:54,233 Miles is right, so I'm back. 656 00:33:54,267 --> 00:33:57,103 Okay, Brandon is going to be joining us in a minute and I 657 00:33:57,136 --> 00:34:00,574 want to go over some ground rules, no being psycho, 658 00:34:00,607 --> 00:34:03,444 no embarrassing stories from when we were kids. 659 00:34:03,477 --> 00:34:04,545 What about CVS? 660 00:34:04,578 --> 00:34:06,145 Especially CVS. 661 00:34:06,179 --> 00:34:08,582 I promise nothing. 662 00:34:08,615 --> 00:34:11,250 You guys, I think I really like this guy, 663 00:34:11,284 --> 00:34:14,921 don't screw it up for me, okay? 664 00:34:21,695 --> 00:34:23,930 Vanessa got caught shoplifting tampons from CVS and 665 00:34:23,963 --> 00:34:25,998 peed her pants. 666 00:34:27,434 --> 00:34:30,637 I mean, hi, I'm Donna. 667 00:34:30,671 --> 00:34:33,474 Did I do that wrong? 668 00:34:33,507 --> 00:34:36,510 Going to murder you. 669 00:34:36,543 --> 00:34:39,513 Hi, everyone. 670 00:34:39,546 --> 00:34:42,583 It's nice to meet you guys. 671 00:34:42,616 --> 00:34:46,085 Hi, I would like to offer my condolences on the loss of your 672 00:34:46,119 --> 00:34:48,655 hair. 673 00:34:48,689 --> 00:34:49,989 Brandon I am so sorry. 674 00:34:50,022 --> 00:34:51,525 No, that's okay. 675 00:34:51,558 --> 00:34:53,226 Now, when your hair was still with us, 676 00:34:53,259 --> 00:34:56,597 what kind of product did you use? 677 00:34:56,630 --> 00:34:57,398 Well, this was fun, guys. 678 00:34:57,431 --> 00:34:58,998 Goodbye. 679 00:34:59,031 --> 00:35:00,534 No, it's fine. 680 00:35:00,567 --> 00:35:02,503 Don't worry, we are not crazy. 681 00:35:02,536 --> 00:35:04,937 Not at all, boxers or briefs? 682 00:35:04,971 --> 00:35:07,508 Mankinis. 683 00:35:07,541 --> 00:35:09,443 Classic Pisces. 684 00:35:09,476 --> 00:35:10,644 Actually, I'm a Leo. 685 00:35:10,677 --> 00:35:12,546 Yes, but with the Gemini rising a bit. 686 00:35:12,579 --> 00:35:14,314 Donna, what the hell you talking about? 687 00:35:14,348 --> 00:35:16,015 You don't know anything about astrology. 688 00:35:16,048 --> 00:35:18,552 Classic Pisces. 689 00:35:18,585 --> 00:35:20,454 Okay, what sign comes after Pisces? 690 00:35:20,487 --> 00:35:22,523 Pikachu. 691 00:35:22,556 --> 00:35:25,291 Guys, you are being psycho. 692 00:35:25,325 --> 00:35:28,429 A little psycho but it shows that they care about you, 693 00:35:28,462 --> 00:35:33,299 I can understand because you are kind of wonderful. 694 00:35:33,333 --> 00:35:36,403 Awe. 695 00:35:36,437 --> 00:35:39,138 Fun fact Ted Bundy was one of the most charming guys you would 696 00:35:39,172 --> 00:35:41,240 ever meet. 697 00:35:41,274 --> 00:35:43,343 That fact is not fun. 698 00:35:43,377 --> 00:35:46,179 Okay, I will make you to a deal. 699 00:35:46,212 --> 00:35:48,315 Once there is a vaccine I promise to let you know if I 700 00:35:48,348 --> 00:35:51,150 follow through with my plan to murder Vanessa, 701 00:35:51,184 --> 00:35:54,120 cut her into little pieces that I scatter in trash cans, 702 00:35:54,153 --> 00:35:56,457 based on an Excel chart that I put together with the LA County 703 00:35:56,490 --> 00:35:58,024 trash collection system. 704 00:35:58,057 --> 00:36:00,193 Deal? 705 00:36:00,226 --> 00:36:01,462 Deal. 706 00:36:01,495 --> 00:36:03,162 Deal. 707 00:36:03,196 --> 00:36:06,567 So, what you guys going to do for your first real date? 708 00:36:06,600 --> 00:36:08,535 You mean, like in person? 709 00:36:08,569 --> 00:36:13,307 Well, I hadn't really thought about that. 710 00:36:13,340 --> 00:36:16,209 I mean, I want us to be safe, obviously. 711 00:36:16,242 --> 00:36:18,277 All of the restaurants are closed. 712 00:36:18,312 --> 00:36:19,780 What about the Swan boats? 713 00:36:19,813 --> 00:36:22,382 At the park late, it is outside, you can be 6 feet apart and you 714 00:36:22,416 --> 00:36:24,585 can wear your masks. 715 00:36:24,618 --> 00:36:29,155 Yes, I want the first time that we meet to be special. 716 00:36:29,188 --> 00:36:31,325 You know? 717 00:36:31,358 --> 00:36:34,361 I don't have to wear a mask or - I certainly don't be 6 feet 718 00:36:34,394 --> 00:36:37,698 away. 719 00:36:37,731 --> 00:36:40,801 Okay, well, what if we waited? 720 00:36:40,834 --> 00:36:43,604 What if we pick a date way down the line and if there is a 721 00:36:43,637 --> 00:36:46,673 vaccine by then, we can meet. 722 00:36:46,707 --> 00:36:48,408 I've got it, Halloween. 723 00:36:48,442 --> 00:36:51,311 Could you come up with a less romantic holiday? 724 00:36:51,345 --> 00:36:52,346 Plus, there's no way that there's going to be a vaccine 725 00:36:52,379 --> 00:36:55,415 by then, what about Christmas? 726 00:36:55,449 --> 00:36:57,116 You can unwrap each other. 727 00:36:57,149 --> 00:36:57,818 Ew. 728 00:36:57,851 --> 00:37:00,521 What you mean, that's sexy. 729 00:37:00,554 --> 00:37:03,457 What about Valentine's Day? 730 00:37:03,490 --> 00:37:04,691 That's nine months away. 731 00:37:04,725 --> 00:37:07,828 But is it romantic enough? 732 00:37:07,861 --> 00:37:09,396 Good point. 733 00:37:09,429 --> 00:37:12,064 Valentine's Day it is. 734 00:37:12,098 --> 00:37:15,268 Now, I heard that you all think you are pretty good at cards 735 00:37:15,301 --> 00:37:17,404 with friends. 736 00:37:17,437 --> 00:37:20,841 Pretty good, I will annihilate you. 737 00:37:20,874 --> 00:37:23,477 It was my major in college. 738 00:37:23,510 --> 00:37:25,712 I warned you, they are fierce. 739 00:37:25,746 --> 00:37:28,147 Bring it on. 740 00:37:28,180 --> 00:37:31,318 Okay, you are ready, the next one is: for his self produced 741 00:37:31,351 --> 00:37:35,756 album Mark Zuckerberg wraps to the sounds of - 742 00:37:51,538 --> 00:37:57,209 My mom. 743 00:37:59,379 --> 00:38:01,147 Hey, guys, Donna by design here. 744 00:38:01,180 --> 00:38:03,850 I'm going to teach you how to make a homemade face on mask 745 00:38:03,884 --> 00:38:06,453 with stuff you already have in your kitchen pair just mix 746 00:38:06,486 --> 00:38:11,525 mashed bananas, yogurt, and honey, and apply to your face. 747 00:38:12,526 --> 00:38:14,828 Wait 15 minutes before rinsing off and you will have skin 748 00:38:14,861 --> 00:38:18,365 smoother than a babies butt. 749 00:38:18,398 --> 00:38:21,368 Well, we are officially in lockdown which means people are 750 00:38:21,401 --> 00:38:23,804 staying at home and only interacting with those inside of 751 00:38:23,837 --> 00:38:25,439 their social bubble. 752 00:38:25,472 --> 00:38:28,508 Or, if you are single like me, your cats. 753 00:38:30,209 --> 00:38:32,479 Many people have expanded their bubbles to include 754 00:38:32,512 --> 00:38:34,514 extended family members. 755 00:38:34,548 --> 00:38:36,883 We have just moved my mother-in-law in with us and I'm 756 00:38:36,917 --> 00:38:40,354 looking forward to all getting to spending a lot of quality 757 00:38:40,387 --> 00:38:43,590 time together. 758 00:38:51,431 --> 00:38:52,566 Delivery. 759 00:38:52,599 --> 00:38:55,469 Thanks, you can just leave it there. 760 00:38:55,502 --> 00:38:58,505 By the way left some snacks outside for you. 761 00:38:58,538 --> 00:39:00,741 Oh, thanks! 762 00:39:00,774 --> 00:39:03,543 I coughed on all of them. 763 00:39:03,577 --> 00:39:04,945 Kidding. 764 00:39:04,978 --> 00:39:07,414 A little joke to get us through this crazy time, 765 00:39:07,447 --> 00:39:11,283 you know what I mean. 766 00:39:15,656 --> 00:39:19,860 Never have I ever drunk texted an ex. 767 00:39:19,893 --> 00:39:22,329 Vanessa. 768 00:39:22,362 --> 00:39:24,431 Lies. 769 00:39:25,399 --> 00:39:27,334 So, I guess you're forgetting all about Mitchell and me having 770 00:39:27,367 --> 00:39:30,404 to go into the men's room with him to accidentally bump his 771 00:39:30,437 --> 00:39:32,673 phone into the toilet? 772 00:39:32,706 --> 00:39:36,208 Do you know how many guy codes I had to break to do that? 773 00:39:36,242 --> 00:39:36,910 Wait? 774 00:39:36,943 --> 00:39:38,412 You actually made him do that? 775 00:39:38,445 --> 00:39:41,381 Begged me, crying. 776 00:39:41,415 --> 00:39:44,851 And it wasn't just a text. 777 00:39:44,885 --> 00:39:47,521 Okay, next round. 778 00:39:47,554 --> 00:39:49,589 No, no, I want to know what did you send him? 779 00:39:49,623 --> 00:39:55,696 Look at this photograph. 780 00:39:55,729 --> 00:39:58,331 I can't say I'm in shock because Vanessa sent me a bunch 781 00:39:58,365 --> 00:39:59,900 of pics on our first night. 782 00:39:59,933 --> 00:40:02,536 Brandon. 783 00:40:02,569 --> 00:40:04,971 I was very disturbed although my friends are quite happy since 784 00:40:05,005 --> 00:40:08,375 they all used them as their screensavers. 785 00:40:14,014 --> 00:40:16,516 He is a keeper. 786 00:40:16,550 --> 00:40:18,385 Hey, guys, Donna by design. 787 00:40:18,418 --> 00:40:19,486 If you are like me you struggling with your oily 788 00:40:19,519 --> 00:40:20,520 T-zone. 789 00:40:20,554 --> 00:40:24,558 Puréeing cucumber, lemon, mint, and egg white. 790 00:40:24,591 --> 00:40:33,033 You can spread it, smells like a spa day. 791 00:40:33,066 --> 00:40:35,702 Well, it is 4 July and with it comes restrictions on 792 00:40:35,736 --> 00:40:38,405 gatherings of more than 10 people. 793 00:40:38,438 --> 00:40:41,374 The usual barbecues are canceled. 794 00:40:41,408 --> 00:40:44,478 Which is actually a relief to people who are tired of being 795 00:40:44,511 --> 00:40:51,852 asked at every family function why they don't have kids yet. 796 00:40:53,887 --> 00:40:56,923 I would be making my famous ribs like I do every year, 797 00:40:56,957 --> 00:41:01,628 but this year my mother-in-law wants turkey burgers. 798 00:41:01,661 --> 00:41:05,031 So, we are having turkey burgers. 799 00:41:05,065 --> 00:41:07,868 It's fine. 800 00:41:11,738 --> 00:41:13,440 Hi. 801 00:41:13,473 --> 00:41:15,308 Hey. 802 00:41:15,342 --> 00:41:17,310 Oh, quite the little sweatshop you've got going on 803 00:41:17,344 --> 00:41:18,378 over there. 804 00:41:18,411 --> 00:41:19,412 Literally. 805 00:41:19,446 --> 00:41:20,881 Can you turn up the AC? 806 00:41:20,914 --> 00:41:24,317 You are killing my overhead, Peyton. 807 00:41:26,853 --> 00:41:30,590 Okay, now I promised my great-grandmother Millie that I 808 00:41:30,624 --> 00:41:33,860 would never divulge her secret banana nut muffin recipe. 809 00:41:33,894 --> 00:41:37,430 However, I think that she would give you a pass. 810 00:41:37,464 --> 00:41:39,499 Right, Steve? 811 00:41:39,533 --> 00:41:42,903 Awe, thank you Millie. 812 00:41:43,737 --> 00:41:46,940 Now the secret here is you need to cut the butter into the 813 00:41:46,973 --> 00:41:52,512 flour using your hands. 814 00:41:52,546 --> 00:41:54,080 Just stick my hands in there? 815 00:41:54,114 --> 00:41:56,716 All right. 816 00:41:56,750 --> 00:41:57,584 Okay. 817 00:41:57,617 --> 00:42:01,421 There we go. 818 00:42:01,454 --> 00:42:04,090 You got a little on your nose there. 819 00:42:04,124 --> 00:42:06,693 I do? 820 00:42:06,726 --> 00:42:09,696 Yes, it's adorable, if I was there I would wipe it off. 821 00:42:09,729 --> 00:42:10,397 Okay. 822 00:42:10,430 --> 00:42:12,899 Well, let's see. 823 00:42:12,933 --> 00:42:14,034 Did I get it? 824 00:42:14,067 --> 00:42:15,802 Maybe a little bit more on the cheek. 825 00:42:15,836 --> 00:42:18,872 What about here? 826 00:42:18,905 --> 00:42:19,673 Did I get any up here? 827 00:42:19,706 --> 00:42:23,410 Maybe the other cheek. 828 00:42:23,443 --> 00:42:24,911 Did I get it now? 829 00:42:24,945 --> 00:42:28,949 Because, if I didn't, it would be really embarrassing. 830 00:42:28,982 --> 00:42:30,817 Yes, you've got it. 831 00:42:34,020 --> 00:42:39,993 Okay, Donna, Miles, you are up. 832 00:42:41,161 --> 00:42:43,430 God dammit. 833 00:42:44,431 --> 00:42:45,732 Yes. 834 00:42:49,436 --> 00:42:51,538 This is a really dumb game. 835 00:42:51,571 --> 00:42:52,906 Ouch. 836 00:42:52,939 --> 00:42:55,108 Oh. 837 00:42:55,141 --> 00:42:58,478 So close. 838 00:42:58,511 --> 00:43:02,082 That was not even close. 839 00:43:06,052 --> 00:43:08,889 I am Asian I should be better with ping-pong balls. 840 00:43:11,224 --> 00:43:13,526 Yes. 841 00:43:13,560 --> 00:43:14,895 Your turn, Donna. 842 00:43:14,928 --> 00:43:16,129 Donna? 843 00:43:16,162 --> 00:43:17,097 Yes. 844 00:43:17,130 --> 00:43:20,734 Come on. 845 00:43:21,902 --> 00:43:24,070 Lightweight. 846 00:43:24,104 --> 00:43:27,107 I win. 847 00:43:34,581 --> 00:43:35,815 Delivery. 848 00:43:35,849 --> 00:43:39,686 Oh, can you do me a huge favor? 849 00:43:39,719 --> 00:43:42,122 There is a basket out there of muffins that I need delivered to 850 00:43:42,155 --> 00:43:44,991 that address, there's $20 there. 851 00:43:45,025 --> 00:43:46,559 I'm not supposed to do any deliveries that don't come from 852 00:43:46,593 --> 00:43:48,662 dispatch. 853 00:43:48,695 --> 00:43:50,230 Please? 854 00:43:50,263 --> 00:43:51,898 I met this guy online and I made those muffins from his 855 00:43:51,932 --> 00:43:55,568 great-grandmother secret recipe and he's going to love them. 856 00:43:55,602 --> 00:43:57,771 You know, it's crazy how close she can get to someone without 857 00:43:57,804 --> 00:44:00,206 ever actually physically touching them. 858 00:44:00,240 --> 00:44:01,775 You know what I mean? 859 00:44:01,808 --> 00:44:06,780 Not in a sexual way but, actually maybe in a sexual way. 860 00:44:06,813 --> 00:44:09,115 If I do this delivery can we stop talking about this? 861 00:44:09,149 --> 00:44:10,984 Oh, sure. 862 00:44:11,017 --> 00:44:12,118 Yes. 863 00:44:12,152 --> 00:44:14,120 I left an extra basket of muffins out there for you. 864 00:44:14,154 --> 00:44:16,990 They are unwrapped. 865 00:44:17,023 --> 00:44:20,193 Well, yeah they are homemade. 866 00:44:20,226 --> 00:44:21,161 And they are really hard to make. 867 00:44:21,194 --> 00:44:24,130 I put my blood sweat and tears into those. 868 00:44:32,072 --> 00:44:33,106 Delivery. 869 00:44:33,139 --> 00:44:36,109 Yes. 870 00:44:36,142 --> 00:44:37,077 Can I help you? 871 00:44:37,110 --> 00:44:38,611 A delivery. 872 00:44:38,645 --> 00:44:40,814 I didn't order any muffins. 873 00:44:40,847 --> 00:44:43,583 No, they are from Vanessa. 874 00:44:43,616 --> 00:44:45,218 From Vanessa? 875 00:44:45,251 --> 00:44:49,022 Oh, the muffins. 876 00:44:49,055 --> 00:44:50,523 Yeah. 877 00:44:50,557 --> 00:44:51,591 What? 878 00:44:51,624 --> 00:44:52,659 You didn't eat one, did you? 879 00:44:52,692 --> 00:44:53,960 No, of course not. 880 00:44:53,994 --> 00:44:58,999 Good, because that batches like 100% pure. 881 00:44:59,032 --> 00:45:01,634 You would've had a really bad trip. 882 00:45:01,668 --> 00:45:03,169 These are drug muffins? 883 00:45:03,203 --> 00:45:05,805 Your... my hug muffin. 884 00:45:11,345 --> 00:45:13,880 I was going to tip you. 885 00:45:20,253 --> 00:45:21,755 Come here. 886 00:45:21,788 --> 00:45:23,623 I've got you. 887 00:45:23,656 --> 00:45:25,158 These muffins are not for you. 888 00:45:25,191 --> 00:45:25,992 These are for me. 889 00:45:31,064 --> 00:45:32,198 Wow. 890 00:45:36,302 --> 00:45:37,937 Almost as good as yours, Granny. 891 00:45:40,607 --> 00:45:44,677 I met someone. 892 00:45:44,711 --> 00:45:45,979 I wish you could have met her too. 893 00:45:48,248 --> 00:45:50,817 Because, she is amazing. 894 00:45:55,288 --> 00:45:57,324 Hey, hey, it is your girl Donna. 895 00:45:57,358 --> 00:45:59,793 And, I didn't get a chance to go the supermarket this week so I'm 896 00:45:59,826 --> 00:46:02,262 working with what I have. 897 00:46:02,295 --> 00:46:07,867 Oatmeal, avocado, and a little bit of French vanilla creamer. 898 00:46:10,036 --> 00:46:14,607 It smells delicious. 899 00:46:14,641 --> 00:46:15,875 It itches a little bit. 900 00:46:18,111 --> 00:46:19,346 There something so weird about no contact 901 00:46:19,380 --> 00:46:21,348 trick-or-treating. 902 00:46:21,382 --> 00:46:23,917 Oh, the kids don't care as long as they get their candy. 903 00:46:23,950 --> 00:46:26,186 In fact, they would prefer it, no small talk. 904 00:46:27,053 --> 00:46:29,323 Full-size, impressive. 905 00:46:29,356 --> 00:46:30,824 For the kids. 906 00:46:30,857 --> 00:46:32,359 Absolutely. 907 00:46:32,393 --> 00:46:34,761 I may or may not have gotten all of my favorites, 908 00:46:34,794 --> 00:46:37,398 for the children, of course. 909 00:46:37,431 --> 00:46:40,867 Hey, guys, me again. 910 00:46:40,900 --> 00:46:43,236 The last mask didn't work out so well. 911 00:46:43,269 --> 00:46:46,005 But, that's why the good Lord invented calamine lotion. 912 00:46:46,039 --> 00:46:51,044 This has expired milk, oats, and cinnamon. 913 00:46:51,077 --> 00:46:57,283 You can really feel it getting deep in those pores. 914 00:46:57,318 --> 00:46:59,386 It is deep in there. 915 00:46:59,420 --> 00:47:03,089 It is like a burning sensation. 916 00:47:03,790 --> 00:47:06,960 Okay, now, it is really burning. 917 00:47:10,196 --> 00:47:12,699 The dreaded second wave is upon us which means 918 00:47:12,732 --> 00:47:15,402 unfortunately, people will be forced to have a virtual 919 00:47:15,436 --> 00:47:17,237 Thanksgiving this year. 920 00:47:17,270 --> 00:47:19,839 Although, it might be the least stressful turkey day they have 921 00:47:19,873 --> 00:47:23,109 ever had because they will be able to avoid the never ending 922 00:47:23,143 --> 00:47:26,813 questions about their personal life. 923 00:47:26,846 --> 00:47:28,681 Back to you. 924 00:47:28,715 --> 00:47:30,049 That's right, Courtney. 925 00:47:30,083 --> 00:47:33,052 Lucky for me, my mother-in-law is still in our bubble. 926 00:47:33,086 --> 00:47:36,956 So I get to hear, in person, how dry my turkey is. 927 00:48:04,284 --> 00:48:07,120 Happy Thanksgiving. 928 00:48:07,153 --> 00:48:08,988 Hi. 929 00:48:09,022 --> 00:48:12,192 Oh, happy Thanksgiving to you, too. 930 00:48:12,225 --> 00:48:13,193 Ouch. 931 00:48:13,226 --> 00:48:16,229 I'm sorry, the holiday orders are killing me. 932 00:48:16,262 --> 00:48:17,130 I need more Rudolph. 933 00:48:17,163 --> 00:48:19,732 I said use candy cane. 934 00:48:19,766 --> 00:48:22,936 It really is the most wonderful time of the year. 935 00:48:22,969 --> 00:48:26,239 I can't believe you're making Peyton work on Thanksgiving. 936 00:48:26,272 --> 00:48:28,808 What, it's not like he has any place to go. 937 00:48:28,841 --> 00:48:31,144 Plus, I got him a 6 inch turkey sub. 938 00:48:31,177 --> 00:48:33,112 You said foot-long. 939 00:48:33,146 --> 00:48:36,783 I ordered a foot-long, we are splitting it. 940 00:48:39,786 --> 00:48:41,854 Paul has been cheating on me. 941 00:48:41,888 --> 00:48:44,090 Oh, Peyton, stop the machines. 942 00:48:44,123 --> 00:48:45,825 We have like another hundred to do. 943 00:48:45,858 --> 00:48:49,929 My friend is hurting and she needs me for the next 5 to 10 944 00:48:49,963 --> 00:48:51,465 minutes. 945 00:48:51,498 --> 00:48:54,167 I was going through his phone to find this really hot picture 946 00:48:54,200 --> 00:48:57,904 of me that he took the other day and she texted him, 947 00:48:57,937 --> 00:49:00,307 she was all like "hey, baby, why don't you say you're going to 948 00:49:00,341 --> 00:49:05,278 run another errand so you can see me?" 949 00:49:05,912 --> 00:49:08,214 Oh, Donna. 950 00:49:08,248 --> 00:49:10,183 I am so sorry. 951 00:49:10,216 --> 00:49:11,851 I told him to pack his crap and get the hell out of my 952 00:49:11,884 --> 00:49:13,086 house. 953 00:49:15,054 --> 00:49:16,490 That's my girl. 954 00:49:16,523 --> 00:49:19,125 And the worst part isn't even the lying or the cheating, 955 00:49:19,158 --> 00:49:22,095 or the sneaking around, who knows how much coronavirus this 956 00:49:22,128 --> 00:49:24,365 trash has been exposed to? 957 00:49:24,398 --> 00:49:27,501 And he's been bringing it home here to me. 958 00:49:27,534 --> 00:49:29,902 I hope that his junk falls off. 959 00:49:29,936 --> 00:49:31,305 Right off. 960 00:49:31,338 --> 00:49:32,573 What do you need? 961 00:49:32,606 --> 00:49:33,440 Soup? 962 00:49:33,474 --> 00:49:35,208 Vodka? 963 00:49:35,241 --> 00:49:36,443 I will bring over a care package and pass it through the window. 964 00:49:36,477 --> 00:49:38,878 I will keep on a mask and set the fire escape and we will 965 00:49:38,911 --> 00:49:40,980 watch really bad movies. 966 00:49:41,014 --> 00:49:42,915 And I will send you my favorite compilation of cats 967 00:49:42,949 --> 00:49:46,085 being jerks videos which will make you laugh so hard, 968 00:49:46,119 --> 00:49:49,356 you will pee your pants like you are Vanessa at CVS. 969 00:49:50,391 --> 00:49:52,292 And I will bring gummy sharks but, 970 00:49:52,326 --> 00:49:54,794 the ones from the bottom of the bin so they are extra squishy. 971 00:49:56,497 --> 00:49:58,532 You guys are the best. 972 00:49:58,565 --> 00:50:02,469 But I'm fine here all by myself. 973 00:50:02,503 --> 00:50:06,039 I'm just going to give myself a manicure, 974 00:50:06,072 --> 00:50:09,909 order a bunch of crap online I don't need, and take a nap. 975 00:50:11,412 --> 00:50:13,046 That sounds perfect. 976 00:50:13,414 --> 00:50:15,482 Hey, what color snuggie should I get? 977 00:50:16,317 --> 00:50:22,423 Oh God, no nobody ever went wrong with classic blue. 978 00:50:26,527 --> 00:50:28,861 I am working on a blog post about all of the different 979 00:50:28,895 --> 00:50:31,365 things that you can do with duct tape. 980 00:50:31,398 --> 00:50:34,535 Did you know that the astronauts use it in space to put the wings 981 00:50:34,568 --> 00:50:36,470 back on the shuttle? 982 00:50:36,503 --> 00:50:40,307 That 100% never happened. 983 00:50:40,341 --> 00:50:41,908 That is duct tape. 984 00:50:41,941 --> 00:50:45,144 DUCT tape. 985 00:50:45,178 --> 00:50:47,314 So annoying. 986 00:50:47,348 --> 00:50:50,950 I'm not the one who doesn't know how to spell duck, Brian. 987 00:50:50,983 --> 00:50:52,919 So, who's annoying now? 988 00:50:52,952 --> 00:51:00,226 And you still are every single day. 989 00:51:01,060 --> 00:51:03,397 Okay, okay, everyone relax. 990 00:51:03,430 --> 00:51:08,968 It is duct like air duct. 991 00:51:09,503 --> 00:51:10,637 Nevermind, it is fine. 992 00:51:10,671 --> 00:51:14,240 Look, we are all stressed. 993 00:51:14,273 --> 00:51:16,275 I get it. 994 00:51:16,310 --> 00:51:22,148 Vanessa, have you finished that call of duty list to call? 995 00:51:26,420 --> 00:51:30,056 Vanessa, hello? 996 00:51:30,089 --> 00:51:31,023 What? 997 00:51:31,057 --> 00:51:35,596 Yes, call of duty, high schools, got it. 998 00:51:35,629 --> 00:51:37,431 What is wrong with you? 999 00:51:37,464 --> 00:51:39,400 Nothing. 1000 00:51:39,433 --> 00:51:41,000 Why? 1001 00:51:41,033 --> 00:51:44,937 Because, zoning out for no reason is a RONA symptom. 1002 00:51:44,971 --> 00:51:49,108 Are you serious, you can't catch it through the Internet. 1003 00:51:49,142 --> 00:51:51,345 You don't know how serious this thing is, 1004 00:51:51,378 --> 00:51:53,347 it was made by scientists. 1005 00:51:53,380 --> 00:51:57,518 And, I'm already at risk because I'm using 5G and I'm not giving 1006 00:51:57,551 --> 00:51:59,252 that up. 1007 00:51:59,285 --> 00:52:02,021 Dad, Devon took the laptop even though you told him I could 1008 00:52:02,054 --> 00:52:03,557 have it. 1009 00:52:03,590 --> 00:52:07,461 That's not fair I only got to and she got one. 1010 00:52:07,494 --> 00:52:10,096 One is less than two, idiot. 1011 00:52:10,129 --> 00:52:14,066 Yeah, and Melody called me an idiot. 1012 00:52:14,100 --> 00:52:20,039 Could you all excuse me for one moment, please? 1013 00:52:20,474 --> 00:52:23,075 Devon, this is what happened when you do mine craft and not 1014 00:52:23,109 --> 00:52:24,578 math. 1015 00:52:24,611 --> 00:52:26,012 Neither one of you should be eating Twinkies this close to 1016 00:52:26,045 --> 00:52:27,448 dinner. 1017 00:52:27,481 --> 00:52:29,081 But, dad. Dad. 1018 00:52:29,115 --> 00:52:34,287 Santa Claus just text me and said he heard all of that. 1019 00:52:52,739 --> 00:52:55,442 Happy birthday to you. 1020 00:52:57,478 --> 00:52:58,779 Happy birthday to you. 1021 00:52:58,812 --> 00:53:00,514 Happy birthday dear Donna. 1022 00:53:00,547 --> 00:53:05,218 Happy birthday to you. 1023 00:53:06,553 --> 00:53:12,158 Okay, make a wish. 1024 00:53:12,191 --> 00:53:14,528 This is ridiculous. Everybody is having zoom 1025 00:53:14,561 --> 00:53:17,764 birthday parties, it is fun. 1026 00:53:17,798 --> 00:53:20,233 Okay, now blow. 1027 00:53:20,266 --> 00:53:23,437 Seriously? 1028 00:53:26,340 --> 00:53:28,642 I wish that Paul and that hoe both get Corona and die 1029 00:53:28,675 --> 00:53:30,109 screaming. 1030 00:53:30,142 --> 00:53:31,712 You're not supposed to say your wish out loud. 1031 00:53:31,745 --> 00:53:37,016 But, the wish can still come true. 1032 00:53:38,418 --> 00:53:39,151 Presents. 1033 00:53:39,185 --> 00:53:44,491 Present. 1034 00:53:45,325 --> 00:53:50,764 Read the card. 1035 00:53:50,797 --> 00:53:53,567 To Donna, the coolest, funniest, wildest, 1036 00:53:53,600 --> 00:53:58,572 most adventurous girl we know. 1037 00:54:05,445 --> 00:54:06,680 What is this? 1038 00:54:06,713 --> 00:54:08,214 It's a candle. 1039 00:54:08,247 --> 00:54:09,316 It's just like the one that I have. 1040 00:54:09,349 --> 00:54:10,584 You always liked the way it smelled. 1041 00:54:10,617 --> 00:54:12,285 I was being polite. 1042 00:54:12,319 --> 00:54:14,788 This candle is like being beaten with a piece of sandalwood and 1043 00:54:14,821 --> 00:54:17,758 then smuggled to death with magnolias. 1044 00:54:17,791 --> 00:54:19,326 Gardenias. 1045 00:54:19,359 --> 00:54:20,761 Whatever. 1046 00:54:20,794 --> 00:54:23,463 Great, so instead of an obscenely large engagement ring 1047 00:54:23,497 --> 00:54:26,767 and a lifetime of earth shattering sex I get a candle. 1048 00:54:26,800 --> 00:54:31,170 I'm going to die alone with an oily T-zone in a pandemic. 1049 00:54:35,174 --> 00:54:36,577 No, no honey, no. 1050 00:54:36,610 --> 00:54:38,144 That is not going to happen we are not going to let that 1051 00:54:38,177 --> 00:54:39,178 happen. 1052 00:54:39,211 --> 00:54:41,147 No, no, you know that's not true. 1053 00:54:41,180 --> 00:54:43,215 That's just think in. 1054 00:54:43,249 --> 00:54:47,321 Everybody stop. 1055 00:54:47,354 --> 00:54:50,122 Now, you listen to me, of course you're going to meet someone and 1056 00:54:50,156 --> 00:54:52,526 is going to be more of a man than that jerk Paul ever was 1057 00:54:52,559 --> 00:54:58,865 because when you least expect it, that's when it happens. 1058 00:54:58,899 --> 00:55:04,905 Trust me. 1059 00:55:04,938 --> 00:55:05,539 Now I know what will really cheer you up. 1060 00:55:06,340 --> 00:55:07,574 Cake. 1061 00:55:07,608 --> 00:55:10,377 Yay. 1062 00:55:10,911 --> 00:55:14,113 Oh, wait. 1063 00:55:16,883 --> 00:55:22,188 Wow, this sky is so clear tonight. 1064 00:55:22,221 --> 00:55:25,859 Maybe that's why all this is happening, you know, 1065 00:55:25,892 --> 00:55:28,795 so mother nature could take a deep long breath without us 1066 00:55:28,829 --> 00:55:32,298 humans screwing it up like we always do. 1067 00:55:33,800 --> 00:55:37,671 What if COVID is the Earth's immune system, 1068 00:55:37,704 --> 00:55:40,272 and we are the virus. 1069 00:55:40,307 --> 00:55:48,915 Woah, so how long do you think? 1070 00:55:48,949 --> 00:55:52,419 This could just be how things are forever. 1071 00:55:52,452 --> 00:55:54,855 Well, that would suck. 1072 00:55:55,789 --> 00:55:58,190 I thought that you liked lockdown, he said it was cozy. 1073 00:55:58,224 --> 00:56:00,226 I do, it is. 1074 00:56:00,259 --> 00:56:03,864 Don't get me wrong, I'm grateful that I've got food, Wi-Fi, 1075 00:56:03,897 --> 00:56:07,868 and a roof over my head. 1076 00:56:07,901 --> 00:56:12,806 It's just, you know, I want to have a little more. 1077 00:56:12,839 --> 00:56:22,214 And I am officially too drunk to be having this conversation. 1078 00:56:22,248 --> 00:56:23,617 What conversation? 1079 00:56:23,650 --> 00:56:27,387 This conversation. 1080 00:56:27,421 --> 00:56:30,724 Yes. 1081 00:56:30,757 --> 00:56:33,727 I know. 1082 00:56:33,760 --> 00:56:37,229 It's just, you are like the coolest girl that I've ever met. 1083 00:56:37,263 --> 00:56:38,365 You know? 1084 00:56:38,398 --> 00:56:38,999 You are funny. 1085 00:56:39,032 --> 00:56:40,801 You are sexy. 1086 00:56:40,834 --> 00:56:45,672 You know, I think about my ex-girlfriend and she used to 1087 00:56:45,706 --> 00:56:47,774 line me up against this checklist. 1088 00:56:47,808 --> 00:56:53,447 It just got in the way of both of us being who we are. 1089 00:56:53,480 --> 00:56:56,516 You made it clear from the very beginning that you liked 1090 00:56:56,550 --> 00:56:58,318 who I was. 1091 00:56:58,351 --> 00:56:59,720 Who I really was. 1092 00:57:01,555 --> 00:57:04,925 And that's awesome. 1093 00:57:04,958 --> 00:57:07,961 If I would've met you in real life I probably wouldn't have 1094 00:57:07,994 --> 00:57:13,299 given you a chance I would've missed out on a really great 1095 00:57:13,333 --> 00:57:16,503 guy. 1096 00:57:16,536 --> 00:57:19,806 I'm sorry for that. 1097 00:57:19,840 --> 00:57:25,345 Apology unnecessary and accepted. 1098 00:57:25,378 --> 00:57:29,483 I mean, plus, you have a beautiful home which obviously 1099 00:57:29,516 --> 00:57:30,584 cost you a fortune. 1100 00:57:30,617 --> 00:57:33,653 So. 1101 00:57:33,687 --> 00:57:37,491 What if I didn't have this home? 1102 00:57:37,524 --> 00:57:41,661 And I was a struggling writer or something? 1103 00:57:41,695 --> 00:57:43,830 Would that matter? 1104 00:57:43,864 --> 00:57:46,298 The truth? 1105 00:57:46,333 --> 00:57:47,834 Of course. 1106 00:57:47,868 --> 00:57:53,540 You know, you know how in movies the girl is always thrilled to 1107 00:57:53,573 --> 00:57:56,009 get engagement ring out of a vending machine. 1108 00:57:56,042 --> 00:58:01,848 Well, in real life, she would be horrified. 1109 00:58:01,882 --> 00:58:03,750 So it's not the thought that counts? 1110 00:58:03,784 --> 00:58:07,521 I mean it is. 1111 00:58:07,554 --> 00:58:11,358 But, not in real life. 1112 00:58:11,391 --> 00:58:14,728 You could have like three heads and I would still be 1113 00:58:14,761 --> 00:58:19,633 in lo-ike with you. 1114 00:58:23,570 --> 00:58:27,908 I lo-ike you too. 1115 00:58:27,941 --> 00:58:33,580 I think about holding your hand. 1116 00:58:33,613 --> 00:58:35,348 I mean you know, no gloves, or anything. 1117 00:58:35,382 --> 00:58:43,423 Just your warm hand against mine as we walk and talk. 1118 00:58:43,456 --> 00:58:45,425 Okay, full disclosure, thinking about more than holding your 1119 00:58:45,458 --> 00:58:48,762 hand. 1120 00:58:48,795 --> 00:58:50,096 Really? 1121 00:58:50,130 --> 00:58:53,900 Yes. 1122 00:58:53,934 --> 00:58:58,505 Well, why don't we take this conversation somewhere a little 1123 00:58:58,538 --> 00:59:01,942 bit more comfortable? 1124 00:59:01,975 --> 00:59:03,109 Really? 1125 00:59:03,143 --> 00:59:05,579 Very really. 1126 00:59:10,183 --> 00:59:13,386 Oh, Brandon. 1127 00:59:21,695 --> 00:59:24,631 What happened, did you get disconnected? 1128 00:59:24,664 --> 00:59:27,467 Oh my God, I was so close. 1129 00:59:27,500 --> 00:59:29,469 Excuse me? 1130 00:59:29,502 --> 00:59:30,904 So close to what? 1131 00:59:30,937 --> 00:59:33,940 I'm guessing that it's not Jesus. 1132 00:59:33,974 --> 00:59:35,141 What you doing here? 1133 00:59:38,078 --> 00:59:42,449 Hi, Brandon, what are you up to? 1134 00:59:42,482 --> 00:59:44,517 Just, you know, just hanging out. 1135 00:59:44,551 --> 00:59:47,187 Yeah, literally. 1136 00:59:47,220 --> 00:59:48,588 Miles. 1137 00:59:48,622 --> 00:59:49,689 I can't see anything I was just kidding. 1138 00:59:49,723 --> 00:59:53,426 I guarantee he really tried. 1139 00:59:53,460 --> 00:59:57,063 Are you two snacking while you are watching us have sex? 1140 00:59:57,097 --> 01:00:00,166 I'm so sorry about this, Brandon. 1141 01:00:00,200 --> 01:00:01,902 Of always wanted a foursome I'm pretty sure that this 1142 01:00:01,935 --> 01:00:03,470 counts. 1143 01:00:03,503 --> 01:00:04,537 Oh my God. 1144 01:00:04,571 --> 01:00:09,109 Goodbye. 1145 01:00:12,846 --> 01:00:15,649 Ugh could that have been any unsexier. 1146 01:00:15,682 --> 01:00:18,885 Well, I could've always loop in my Nana. 1147 01:00:19,586 --> 01:00:20,520 I am so sorry. 1148 01:00:20,553 --> 01:00:22,622 I can't even believe that. 1149 01:00:22,656 --> 01:00:28,061 You do not have to apologize to me, Vanessa. 1150 01:00:28,094 --> 01:00:36,102 So, I mean, we were close, shall we, you know? 1151 01:00:36,136 --> 01:00:37,537 Yes. 1152 01:00:37,570 --> 01:00:39,639 I mean, look, this was great. 1153 01:00:39,673 --> 01:00:41,141 Really great. 1154 01:00:41,174 --> 01:00:45,512 Really hot. 1155 01:00:45,545 --> 01:00:46,613 But it wasn't real. 1156 01:00:46,646 --> 01:00:48,014 You know. 1157 01:00:48,048 --> 01:00:51,618 I want the first time with you to be real. 1158 01:00:51,651 --> 01:00:54,821 I can wait for that. 1159 01:00:55,822 --> 01:00:58,925 Okay. 1160 01:00:58,959 --> 01:01:00,760 Me too. 1161 01:01:00,794 --> 01:01:02,228 Of course, if this goes on for more than a year we can 1162 01:01:02,262 --> 01:01:04,064 circle back. 1163 01:01:04,097 --> 01:01:06,700 Obviously. 1164 01:01:06,733 --> 01:01:09,636 What if we had a sleepover? 1165 01:01:09,669 --> 01:01:11,604 That sounds dangerous. 1166 01:01:11,638 --> 01:01:13,573 No, not like a real one. 1167 01:01:13,606 --> 01:01:15,709 Just like this. 1168 01:01:15,742 --> 01:01:17,544 If we left our computers on all night. 1169 01:01:17,577 --> 01:01:21,081 Oh, yes. 1170 01:01:29,756 --> 01:01:37,263 Good night, Brandon I lo-ike you. 1171 01:01:37,998 --> 01:01:40,667 I lo-ike you too. 1172 01:02:21,741 --> 01:02:22,776 Here you go. 1173 01:02:22,809 --> 01:02:27,914 Let's cover him up. 1174 01:02:49,702 --> 01:02:53,206 So, what's on the agenda today? 1175 01:02:53,239 --> 01:02:55,342 I've gotta go to work. 1176 01:02:55,376 --> 01:02:59,145 Oh, are you okay? 1177 01:02:59,179 --> 01:03:01,614 Did I do something? 1178 01:03:01,648 --> 01:03:06,920 Is it my breath? 1179 01:03:06,953 --> 01:03:09,089 I saw her, Brandon. 1180 01:03:09,122 --> 01:03:11,157 Her, who? 1181 01:03:11,191 --> 01:03:13,360 The gorgeous woman that you obviously live with. 1182 01:03:13,394 --> 01:03:17,230 Who you share Steve with. 1183 01:03:17,263 --> 01:03:19,299 Oh, no, no, I don't live with her. 1184 01:03:19,333 --> 01:03:21,701 Live with, sleep with, it doesn't matter, 1185 01:03:21,734 --> 01:03:22,869 whatever you want to call it. 1186 01:03:22,902 --> 01:03:26,172 She always has keys to your place. 1187 01:03:26,206 --> 01:03:29,209 Well, yes she has a key, because it's her - it's 1188 01:03:29,242 --> 01:03:32,912 complicated. 1189 01:03:32,946 --> 01:03:35,715 Doesn't seem very complicated to me. 1190 01:03:35,748 --> 01:03:37,917 I'm glad we cleared it up. 1191 01:03:39,386 --> 01:03:41,121 Can you guys help me? 1192 01:03:41,154 --> 01:03:43,923 I'm looking for a part that is mostly red with a little out 1193 01:03:43,957 --> 01:03:46,659 part that has white on it. 1194 01:03:46,693 --> 01:03:50,196 The in part is mostly here. 1195 01:03:50,230 --> 01:03:54,368 What are you doing over there? 1196 01:03:55,001 --> 01:03:56,437 Donna, seriously? 1197 01:03:56,470 --> 01:04:03,076 Well, what do you call the little in part and the sticky 1198 01:04:03,109 --> 01:04:04,445 out part? 1199 01:04:04,478 --> 01:04:06,347 I don't because puzzles are for the children and the 1200 01:04:06,380 --> 01:04:08,081 elderly. 1201 01:04:08,114 --> 01:04:09,215 If I wanted to lose something for a couple of hours I would 1202 01:04:09,249 --> 01:04:14,020 just put my tablet pen down. 1203 01:04:14,053 --> 01:04:16,323 They are called tabs and slots. 1204 01:04:16,357 --> 01:04:19,326 The pieces of a puzzle. 1205 01:04:19,360 --> 01:04:21,194 I had to do a blog post on it a while ago. 1206 01:04:21,227 --> 01:04:25,765 Oh, was it for, "Oh my God nobody cares magazine?" 1207 01:04:25,798 --> 01:04:27,100 We are out of alpaca. 1208 01:04:27,133 --> 01:04:29,403 I said use llama. 1209 01:04:29,436 --> 01:04:30,937 You're kidding me, right? 1210 01:04:30,970 --> 01:04:35,041 Okay, this is my CEO time I'm not to be bothered. 1211 01:04:39,446 --> 01:04:42,316 Are you okay, V? 1212 01:04:42,349 --> 01:04:46,152 Okay, what if you had never tried mushrooms because you just 1213 01:04:46,186 --> 01:04:49,155 knew that you wouldn't like it? 1214 01:04:49,189 --> 01:04:52,058 So you spend your entire adult life making sure that people 1215 01:04:52,091 --> 01:04:54,727 know that you don't want mushrooms even go as far as to 1216 01:04:54,761 --> 01:04:57,263 lies about being allergic to mushroom so you don't have to 1217 01:04:57,297 --> 01:04:59,933 deal people tell you, just tried and they are delicious because 1218 01:04:59,966 --> 01:05:04,237 you know, deep down, that you will never ever like mushrooms? 1219 01:05:04,270 --> 01:05:09,809 But then, one day, someone comes along and offers you $1 million 1220 01:05:09,842 --> 01:05:11,244 if you eat a mushroom. 1221 01:05:11,277 --> 01:05:12,745 So, you do it. 1222 01:05:12,779 --> 01:05:14,515 It's actually really good. 1223 01:05:14,548 --> 01:05:16,517 And then, they tell you that they aren't going to give you a 1224 01:05:16,550 --> 01:05:19,353 penny, they just and what you to go the rest of your life without 1225 01:05:19,386 --> 01:05:21,154 ever giving mushrooms a chance. 1226 01:05:21,187 --> 01:05:24,057 What you do? 1227 01:05:24,090 --> 01:05:26,059 I mean, sure, he like mushrooms now, 1228 01:05:26,092 --> 01:05:28,329 but you would've never eaten them if they hadn't lied to you 1229 01:05:28,362 --> 01:05:29,963 about the money. 1230 01:05:29,996 --> 01:05:33,066 So now, you try another mushroom and it tastes terrible. 1231 01:05:33,567 --> 01:05:36,403 I'm so confused. 1232 01:05:36,437 --> 01:05:38,439 Is this about global warming? 1233 01:05:38,472 --> 01:05:40,206 Is earth the mushroom? 1234 01:05:40,240 --> 01:05:42,443 No, Corona is the mushroom. 1235 01:05:42,476 --> 01:05:44,244 Hey, Brandon is on. 1236 01:05:44,277 --> 01:05:45,346 Hold on, wait. 1237 01:05:45,379 --> 01:05:48,114 Where are you? 1238 01:05:48,147 --> 01:05:50,883 Why is there a bunkbed? 1239 01:05:50,917 --> 01:05:53,953 Because this is my place. 1240 01:05:53,987 --> 01:05:56,523 My real place. 1241 01:05:56,557 --> 01:05:58,858 What you talking about? 1242 01:05:58,891 --> 01:06:00,561 Remember when I asked you how you felt if I was a struggling 1243 01:06:00,594 --> 01:06:02,228 writer? 1244 01:06:02,262 --> 01:06:07,967 Well, ta-da. 1245 01:06:08,001 --> 01:06:10,471 So, you broke into someone's mansion and pretended that it 1246 01:06:10,504 --> 01:06:12,339 was yours? 1247 01:06:12,373 --> 01:06:14,541 No, I didn't break into anyone's mansion. 1248 01:06:14,575 --> 01:06:19,979 Look, I make money by walking dogs for people and one of my 1249 01:06:20,013 --> 01:06:22,181 clients was stuck overseas because of corona. 1250 01:06:22,215 --> 01:06:25,251 So, I was watching her house and Steve sitting. 1251 01:06:25,285 --> 01:06:29,323 That's the lady that you saw she got back this morning. 1252 01:06:29,356 --> 01:06:36,497 And, this is my fancy gourmet kitchen. 1253 01:06:36,530 --> 01:06:38,532 I'm actually a pretty good cook. 1254 01:06:38,565 --> 01:06:40,401 I didn't lie about that. 1255 01:06:40,434 --> 01:06:43,036 In fact, my roommate say I make the best croque mosier they've 1256 01:06:43,069 --> 01:06:44,405 ever had. 1257 01:06:44,438 --> 01:06:46,272 You have roommates? 1258 01:06:46,307 --> 01:06:47,574 Yes, I have roommates. 1259 01:06:47,608 --> 01:06:49,909 But, the room is all mine. 1260 01:06:49,942 --> 01:06:54,047 Plus, I have the top and bottom bunks. 1261 01:06:54,080 --> 01:06:56,350 That's fancy. 1262 01:07:01,355 --> 01:07:04,223 Look, I never set out to lie to you, Vanessa. 1263 01:07:04,257 --> 01:07:06,859 I just didn't correct you when you thought that the house was 1264 01:07:06,893 --> 01:07:08,529 mine. 1265 01:07:08,562 --> 01:07:10,997 You did a hell of a lot more than just not correct me. 1266 01:07:11,030 --> 01:07:14,635 What else are you lying about, Brandon? 1267 01:07:14,668 --> 01:07:16,503 My name is not Brandon. 1268 01:07:16,537 --> 01:07:20,940 It is Daniel Brandon Donaldson. 1269 01:07:20,973 --> 01:07:25,244 So let me get this straight, you made a fake profile with a 1270 01:07:25,278 --> 01:07:27,914 fake name, and old pictures of yourself and then you pretended 1271 01:07:27,947 --> 01:07:31,552 you had a real job and a mansion? 1272 01:07:31,585 --> 01:07:33,387 Why? 1273 01:07:33,420 --> 01:07:34,355 You know why. 1274 01:07:34,388 --> 01:07:37,290 No, actually, I don't. 1275 01:07:37,324 --> 01:07:39,660 Because we both know that a guy like me without money may as 1276 01:07:39,693 --> 01:07:43,096 well not even exist okay, because in this world, 1277 01:07:43,129 --> 01:07:47,334 it is the successful people who make the rules. 1278 01:07:47,368 --> 01:07:48,535 You know, I really don't think you should be lecturing 1279 01:07:48,569 --> 01:07:50,203 anyone on ethics right now, okay? 1280 01:07:50,236 --> 01:07:52,105 You are the bad guy here. 1281 01:07:52,138 --> 01:07:55,309 I'm not the bad guy I'm the same guy that I was yesterday, 1282 01:07:55,342 --> 01:07:57,043 who you are laughing with. 1283 01:07:57,076 --> 01:07:59,145 That guy is real. 1284 01:07:59,178 --> 01:08:04,283 This stuff, that is fake. 1285 01:08:05,686 --> 01:08:08,355 I'm a good guy. 1286 01:08:08,389 --> 01:08:11,558 I'm just not good enough for you. 1287 01:08:17,063 --> 01:08:19,500 Are you okay, V? 1288 01:08:19,533 --> 01:08:20,634 Yes, I'll be fine. 1289 01:08:22,436 --> 01:08:24,538 Are you sure, because I wouldn't want you to feel like 1290 01:08:24,571 --> 01:08:27,307 the worst person in the world. 1291 01:08:27,341 --> 01:08:28,542 That would be rough. 1292 01:08:28,575 --> 01:08:30,243 Excuse me? 1293 01:08:30,276 --> 01:08:33,647 You just evaporated the heart of a great guy over some 1294 01:08:33,680 --> 01:08:36,650 superficial garbage that doesn't matter. 1295 01:08:36,683 --> 01:08:38,951 Donna, he lied to me. 1296 01:08:38,985 --> 01:08:42,423 Stop acting like that's what this is about. 1297 01:08:42,456 --> 01:08:44,458 You know what, okay. 1298 01:08:44,491 --> 01:08:49,596 Fine, I need to be with someone successful, powerful. 1299 01:08:49,630 --> 01:08:51,998 I'm never going to fall in love with Brandon or Daniel whatever 1300 01:08:52,031 --> 01:08:53,032 his name is. 1301 01:08:53,065 --> 01:08:54,133 You are already in love with him, 1302 01:08:54,167 --> 01:08:56,102 I've known you since you were 12. 1303 01:08:56,135 --> 01:08:58,204 I've seen every relationship that you've been in and I've 1304 01:08:58,237 --> 01:09:01,308 never seen you anywhere close to this happy before. 1305 01:09:01,341 --> 01:09:04,076 Yeah, my mom and dad were real happy to until she finally 1306 01:09:04,110 --> 01:09:06,346 figured out what a loser he was and he was living off of her for 1307 01:09:06,380 --> 01:09:08,080 18 years. 1308 01:09:08,114 --> 01:09:10,283 Okay, so this guy has to suffer just in case he turns out 1309 01:09:10,317 --> 01:09:12,151 to be like your loser dad? 1310 01:09:12,185 --> 01:09:13,353 Solid plan. 1311 01:09:13,387 --> 01:09:15,154 So, what you want me to do? 1312 01:09:15,188 --> 01:09:17,724 String him along until I can't take it anymore, 1313 01:09:17,758 --> 01:09:19,593 and then break up with him? 1314 01:09:19,626 --> 01:09:21,495 This was the decent thing to do, okay? 1315 01:09:21,528 --> 01:09:23,162 I'm protecting him. 1316 01:09:23,196 --> 01:09:27,166 No, the decent thing to do is to not be such a shallow jerk. 1317 01:09:27,200 --> 01:09:29,770 But, hey, you do you. 1318 01:09:30,637 --> 01:09:34,475 Miles, miles, come on. 1319 01:09:34,508 --> 01:09:36,610 You know how hard I have worked to find the like myself on the 1320 01:09:36,643 --> 01:09:39,546 inside and the outside. 1321 01:09:39,580 --> 01:09:41,582 I worked my ass off to become this person. 1322 01:09:41,615 --> 01:09:47,153 And, I deserve someone who is successful in every way. 1323 01:09:47,186 --> 01:09:49,656 I'm not going to wind up with some loser like my mom. 1324 01:09:50,357 --> 01:09:54,260 The truth is, you could have any guy you want. 1325 01:09:54,293 --> 01:10:00,801 So, if you want a hot guy with money, just go after that. 1326 01:10:00,834 --> 01:10:04,003 You've done it a thousand times before. 1327 01:10:35,769 --> 01:10:39,406 Oh, hey, namaste. 1328 01:10:39,439 --> 01:10:41,073 What you think? 1329 01:10:41,107 --> 01:10:42,342 Do you like what you see? 1330 01:10:43,410 --> 01:10:46,279 Oh, is that a stripper pole? 1331 01:10:46,313 --> 01:10:51,183 This? 1332 01:10:51,217 --> 01:10:53,487 Yes. 1333 01:10:53,520 --> 01:10:55,489 This baby is top-of-the-line. 1334 01:10:55,522 --> 01:10:56,823 Only the best for my guests. 1335 01:10:58,625 --> 01:11:00,460 Didn't even realize there were different kinds. 1336 01:11:00,494 --> 01:11:02,729 Yeah, it is cool, right? 1337 01:11:04,331 --> 01:11:05,866 Is that a dog? 1338 01:11:05,899 --> 01:11:09,836 What? 1339 01:11:11,203 --> 01:11:16,175 No, bro, this is bruno cuscinetti cashmere. 1340 01:11:18,345 --> 01:11:21,782 No, I hate dogs especially the little yappy ones. 1341 01:11:25,284 --> 01:11:27,788 Yes, I love cooking but med school keeps me busy that I 1342 01:11:27,821 --> 01:11:30,490 hardly have time for it anymore. 1343 01:11:30,524 --> 01:11:33,259 Yeah, of course. 1344 01:11:33,292 --> 01:11:37,798 It's so strange, though, I swear I recognize your voice. 1345 01:11:37,831 --> 01:11:40,199 Maybe in your dreams? 1346 01:11:40,232 --> 01:11:42,569 No, that's not it. 1347 01:11:42,603 --> 01:11:44,771 Wait a minute. 1348 01:11:44,805 --> 01:11:47,641 Are you my delivery guy? 1349 01:11:47,674 --> 01:11:49,141 Wait. 1350 01:11:49,175 --> 01:11:53,245 Are you Vanessa MacConnell? 1351 01:11:53,279 --> 01:11:55,916 Oh my God, yes, oh my gosh, I knew that I recognize your 1352 01:11:55,949 --> 01:11:57,884 voice. 1353 01:11:57,918 --> 01:12:00,186 I had just never seen you without the mask. 1354 01:12:00,219 --> 01:12:02,522 This is an insane coincidence. 1355 01:12:03,222 --> 01:12:08,528 I am not your drug mule. 1356 01:12:18,372 --> 01:12:20,239 Hey there, stranger. 1357 01:12:20,272 --> 01:12:21,575 Glad to see you are alive. 1358 01:12:21,608 --> 01:12:23,777 Yeah, you too. 1359 01:12:23,810 --> 01:12:26,480 No, I never got to thank you for that night. 1360 01:12:26,513 --> 01:12:28,482 It was fun. 1361 01:12:28,515 --> 01:12:31,385 Yes, it sure was. 1362 01:12:31,418 --> 01:12:36,456 Maybe we should have some fun again? 1363 01:12:36,490 --> 01:12:38,325 Right now? 1364 01:12:38,358 --> 01:12:39,793 Why not? 1365 01:12:39,826 --> 01:12:42,829 I'm just lying here. 1366 01:12:45,532 --> 01:12:47,834 What are you wearing? 1367 01:12:50,236 --> 01:12:51,772 Just the shirt. 1368 01:12:51,805 --> 01:12:52,773 Come on, babe, what else are you wearing? 1369 01:12:52,806 --> 01:12:56,410 Show me. 1370 01:12:56,443 --> 01:12:59,713 You know, I'm actually just wearing some old sweatpants. 1371 01:12:59,746 --> 01:13:04,451 I thought this was going to be a waste up kind of call. 1372 01:13:04,484 --> 01:13:08,254 Well, I'm feeling a little underdressed at the moment. 1373 01:13:08,287 --> 01:13:09,589 I'm just in my underwear. 1374 01:13:09,623 --> 01:13:11,925 Yes, there they are. 1375 01:14:28,034 --> 01:14:29,301 Where are you, seriously? 1376 01:14:29,336 --> 01:14:30,771 We are at the hospital. 1377 01:14:30,804 --> 01:14:33,340 Call me back. 1378 01:14:33,373 --> 01:14:34,841 They said that she had an allergic reaction to one of 1379 01:14:34,875 --> 01:14:36,910 those facial masks she made. 1380 01:14:36,943 --> 01:14:39,746 I kept calling and calling she wouldn't pick up. 1381 01:14:39,780 --> 01:14:41,715 I went over there, thank God I did because she was unconscious 1382 01:14:41,748 --> 01:14:43,683 when we found her. 1383 01:14:43,717 --> 01:14:45,418 We? 1384 01:14:45,452 --> 01:14:47,387 I kept trying to call you but I couldn't get in touch so I was 1385 01:14:47,420 --> 01:14:49,456 face timing with Daniel. 1386 01:14:49,489 --> 01:14:50,957 With Daniel? 1387 01:14:50,991 --> 01:14:53,326 Yes, he called me because he had an idea for a new ad for one 1388 01:14:53,360 --> 01:14:54,227 of my products. 1389 01:14:54,261 --> 01:14:56,863 He always calls me on stuff like that. 1390 01:14:56,897 --> 01:14:58,632 He does? 1391 01:14:58,665 --> 01:15:00,901 Yes, he was there in five minutes. 1392 01:15:00,934 --> 01:15:03,703 We tried calling the ambulance, we called 911 but everybody is 1393 01:15:03,737 --> 01:15:06,039 overwhelmed because of the flu, the holidays, 1394 01:15:06,072 --> 01:15:09,075 and COVID and they said that it may take 20 minutes. 1395 01:15:09,109 --> 01:15:13,446 Daniel picks her up and carried her down three flights of 1396 01:15:13,480 --> 01:15:16,650 stairs, got her into the cab and kept me calm while I was giving 1397 01:15:16,683 --> 01:15:20,120 the hospital her admission info. 1398 01:15:20,153 --> 01:15:22,022 I was a mess. 1399 01:15:22,823 --> 01:15:24,558 Wait, he's here right now? 1400 01:15:24,591 --> 01:15:27,994 Yes, he went to the bathroom right after I called you. 1401 01:15:30,063 --> 01:15:31,731 It was 30 minutes ago. 1402 01:15:49,649 --> 01:15:51,685 Hi. 1403 01:15:51,718 --> 01:15:53,687 How is she? 1404 01:15:53,720 --> 01:15:55,622 She will survive. 1405 01:15:55,655 --> 01:15:58,158 Thanks to you. 1406 01:15:58,191 --> 01:16:01,928 I just did what any other person would do. 1407 01:16:01,962 --> 01:16:02,996 No. 1408 01:16:03,029 --> 01:16:04,965 No you didn't. 1409 01:16:04,998 --> 01:16:08,768 You never do. 1410 01:16:08,802 --> 01:16:11,538 Other people just scroll past their friends fundraisers but 1411 01:16:11,571 --> 01:16:14,140 you donate to every single one, 1412 01:16:14,174 --> 01:16:16,142 even when you can't afford it. 1413 01:16:16,176 --> 01:16:20,580 You send people silly cat videos when they are up at 3 AM. 1414 01:16:20,614 --> 01:16:24,618 You treat every dog that you walk like it was your own. 1415 01:16:24,651 --> 01:16:30,657 I read every yelp review, every Instagram post - 1416 01:16:30,690 --> 01:16:33,026 Did you happen to pull my credit report because those 1417 01:16:33,059 --> 01:16:35,095 things cost like 20 bucks? 1418 01:16:35,128 --> 01:16:36,663 No. 1419 01:16:36,696 --> 01:16:39,432 But I did read your blog. 1420 01:16:39,466 --> 01:16:42,569 All 175 posts. 1421 01:16:43,003 --> 01:16:45,906 You are a great writer. 1422 01:16:45,939 --> 01:16:48,909 Well, blog writing isn't real writing. 1423 01:16:48,942 --> 01:16:50,543 Hell it isn't. 1424 01:16:50,977 --> 01:16:53,446 Apparently every major literary agent in town would 1425 01:16:53,480 --> 01:16:55,115 disagree with you. 1426 01:16:55,148 --> 01:16:58,018 Well, then we don't stop until we find one with some damn 1427 01:16:58,051 --> 01:16:59,920 taste. 1428 01:16:59,953 --> 01:17:01,588 We? 1429 01:17:01,621 --> 01:17:04,090 I have wasted my entire life searching for things that I 1430 01:17:04,124 --> 01:17:09,696 thought were deal breakers in a soulmate. 1431 01:17:09,729 --> 01:17:13,133 And, it turns out, you are the most successful man I've ever 1432 01:17:13,166 --> 01:17:15,936 met. 1433 01:17:16,603 --> 01:17:20,607 So, can we start over? 1434 01:17:20,640 --> 01:17:21,808 For real this time. 1435 01:17:27,514 --> 01:17:29,916 Okay. 1436 01:17:29,950 --> 01:17:31,985 This is my face. 1437 01:17:32,018 --> 01:17:34,220 My actual face. 1438 01:17:34,254 --> 01:17:38,758 No makeup, filters, no making sure that the light is right no 1439 01:17:38,792 --> 01:17:41,962 angle from above to make sure that it thins out my double 1440 01:17:41,995 --> 01:17:43,563 chin. 1441 01:17:44,064 --> 01:17:48,768 You see this, spanx, I used to wear these everyday. 1442 01:17:48,802 --> 01:17:50,770 Because of my thought that I didn't I would look like one of 1443 01:17:50,804 --> 01:17:54,507 those bold stopped 50s roasts that those housewives used to 1444 01:17:54,541 --> 01:17:56,076 make. 1445 01:17:56,109 --> 01:18:00,280 This is a fish tank that I had for a fish that died years ago. 1446 01:18:00,314 --> 01:18:01,848 What's his name? 1447 01:18:01,881 --> 01:18:02,816 Fish. 1448 01:18:02,849 --> 01:18:06,019 His name was fish. 1449 01:18:06,052 --> 01:18:09,222 Take-out boxes pair because, I can't cook. 1450 01:18:09,255 --> 01:18:11,691 I would burn a bowl of cereal. 1451 01:18:11,725 --> 01:18:13,259 Full calorie Coke. 1452 01:18:13,293 --> 01:18:14,961 There's no Diet Coke here. 1453 01:18:14,995 --> 01:18:16,663 There is no diet anything. 1454 01:18:16,696 --> 01:18:19,265 Also, did I just recycle it or thrown in the trash because I'm 1455 01:18:19,299 --> 01:18:21,901 lazy and I'm selfish. 1456 01:18:21,935 --> 01:18:28,174 And I only think of myself. 1457 01:18:30,311 --> 01:18:35,849 And I'm so sorry that I hurt you, Danny. 1458 01:18:35,882 --> 01:18:42,822 I don't lo-ike you, I love you. 1459 01:18:45,359 --> 01:18:50,030 I'm in love with you. 1460 01:18:53,867 --> 01:18:57,570 The end of quarantine means that extended family members can 1461 01:18:57,604 --> 01:19:00,307 finally leave the bubble and return to their own homes. 1462 01:19:00,940 --> 01:19:03,344 They can go back to being the people we speak to on the phone 1463 01:19:03,377 --> 01:19:05,678 every few weeks or so. 1464 01:19:05,712 --> 01:19:09,582 Allowing their adult children to resume making their own choices 1465 01:19:09,616 --> 01:19:13,653 without mom wiping their bum for them. 1466 01:19:14,721 --> 01:19:18,658 It's been a long three years. 1467 01:19:18,691 --> 01:19:20,794 It has only been one year. 1468 01:19:22,363 --> 01:19:24,931 Has it? 1469 01:19:30,170 --> 01:19:32,105 What is this all about? 1470 01:19:32,138 --> 01:19:35,075 I could tell you but I would have to kill you first. 1471 01:19:35,108 --> 01:19:36,377 And you are one of my best customers. 1472 01:19:36,410 --> 01:19:39,012 Here. 1473 01:19:49,823 --> 01:19:53,026 I don't - 1474 01:19:59,032 --> 01:20:07,841 Vanessa, 12 months ago the world just stopped. 1475 01:20:07,874 --> 01:20:10,311 And all of these things that we thought we needed suddenly were 1476 01:20:10,344 --> 01:20:12,812 gone. 1477 01:20:13,380 --> 01:20:19,018 This year we had to figure out how to survive. 1478 01:20:19,052 --> 01:20:22,722 And, the only way to do that was to grow. 1479 01:20:22,755 --> 01:20:24,858 Together. 1480 01:20:24,891 --> 01:20:28,128 Will you go into lockdown with me? 1481 01:20:30,063 --> 01:20:31,264 Forever? 1482 01:20:33,467 --> 01:20:34,267 Yes. 1483 01:20:34,300 --> 01:20:35,268 Yes, of course. 1484 01:20:35,301 --> 01:20:36,403 Absolutely. 1485 01:20:41,708 --> 01:20:43,276 Oh my God, you guys. 1486 01:20:44,878 --> 01:20:47,381 It's beautiful. 1487 01:20:51,050 --> 01:20:53,153 That is the most romantic thing I've ever seen. 1488 01:20:53,186 --> 01:20:55,021 I know. 1489 01:20:55,054 --> 01:20:58,925 If you ever do that, they will never find your body. 1490 01:21:00,293 --> 01:21:02,162 Vanessa, I'm so happy for you. 1491 01:21:03,397 --> 01:21:04,831 I think I'm going to cry. 1492 01:21:06,900 --> 01:21:08,968 These are so cute. 1493 01:21:09,002 --> 01:21:11,070 We just stopped them at the store. 1494 01:21:11,104 --> 01:21:13,039 To the end of quarantine. 1495 01:21:13,072 --> 01:21:15,842 To the end of quarantine. 1496 01:21:18,778 --> 01:21:20,780 To the end of quarantine. 1497 01:21:20,813 --> 01:21:23,116 And the beginning of us. 1498 01:21:23,716 --> 01:21:34,928 I lo-ike you, I like you. 1499 01:21:34,961 --> 01:21:37,864 Once upon a time, a girl met a guy, 1500 01:21:37,897 --> 01:21:40,767 she kind of had a crush on him and wanted to hide. 1501 01:21:40,800 --> 01:21:43,937 Once upon a time, a guy met a girl, 1502 01:21:43,970 --> 01:21:46,440 and took her to a dance and gave her a world. 1503 01:21:46,473 --> 01:21:50,176 He brought her flowers the very next day. 1504 01:21:50,210 --> 01:21:56,317 Turns out she had the courage to say, I know I like you, 1505 01:21:56,350 --> 01:21:58,851 I know I do. 1506 01:21:58,885 --> 01:22:01,754 I like you. 1507 01:22:01,788 --> 01:22:05,158 No matter what you put me through. 1508 01:22:05,191 --> 01:22:08,094 Six months later he got down on one knee, 1509 01:22:08,127 --> 01:22:10,830 we ran away to Vegas tied the knot. 1510 01:22:10,863 --> 01:22:14,000 12 months later, a baby was due. 1511 01:22:14,033 --> 01:22:16,803 He kind of had a panic, didn't know what to do. 1512 01:22:16,836 --> 01:22:23,042 I knew the way to make him okay, all I needed to say, 1513 01:22:23,076 --> 01:22:26,246 I loo-ike you. 1514 01:22:26,279 --> 01:22:28,549 I know I do. 1515 01:22:28,582 --> 01:22:31,918 l Io-ike you. 1516 01:22:31,951 --> 01:22:35,054 Together we will make it through. 1517 01:22:39,426 --> 01:22:48,067 Woah woah woah woah. 1518 01:22:48,101 --> 01:22:52,872 Now we are old and turning gray, we still say it every day. 1519 01:22:52,905 --> 01:23:02,015 I lo-ike you, I know I do. 1520 01:23:02,048 --> 01:23:05,084 No matter what you put me through. 1521 01:23:05,118 --> 01:23:07,554 I lo-ike you. 1522 01:23:07,588 --> 01:23:13,527 I know I do. I lo-ike you. 1523 01:23:13,560 --> 01:23:16,363 I guess he kind of likes me too. 102592