All language subtitles for Greys.Anatomy.S20E01.1080p.AMZN.WEB-DL.DDP5.1.H.264-FLUX_track3_[eng]

I didn'’t get married.

You didn'’t get married?

Adams isn'’t good enough for you.

If you decide to be with him,

your whole trajectory changes.

Congratulations, Dr. Ndugu.

Head of Cardio?

- You need a dentist.
- Maxine.

She has a DNR and DNI.

Get me an intubation tray
so I can save her life.

We have to question everything
we know about Alzheimer'’s
if we'’re gonna cure it.

This is huge. And you can'’t tell
anyone outside of this room.

I do believe that we have been
focused on-on the wrong thing.

Your vodka tonic, sir.

Oh, I was just coming
to check on you

but I guess you'’re covered.

What the hell happened?

Chest tube
started pouring blood.

His aorta must have transected.

I need you to work
as quickly as you can.

Page Hunt. Page everyone.

I'’m in love with you, Jo.
How do you not see that?

I want to live a whole life with
love and mess and pain and you.

You saved my favorite person.

So now I don'’t get
to just hate you.

I have to love you too.

Teddy. Clear.

Researchers say
the average length of a dream
is two to three minutes.

Do not do anything
until an attending gets here.

Paged everyone,
no one'’s coming
and we don'’t have time.

But many people experience
their dreams as hours.

I
just lost her pulse.

She'’s DNI.
Why is she intubated?

Help me
fight to get her back.

Simone, he'’s dying.

If they can
remember them at all.

The science of dreaming
has been questioned
for hundreds of years.

Chief Altman,
you do not die on me.

Teddy, stay with me.

Clear.

Some hypothesize
that dreams are our way
of processing real events

that occur when we'’re awake.

They may also serve
as an outlet for
repressed hopes and desires.

Neuroscientists introduce
a new theory every few years.

But honestly, no
one knows why we dream.

Gown and glove me.

Or why we
have nightmares.

Dr.
Altman, we'’ve got you.

We just hope
that after the dream,

we wake up.

Morning.

Morning.

So, which one of
you am I firing?

Owen, we are so sorry.

- Are you okay?
- I'’m fine.

She collapsed in the OR
and went into V-fib.

We resuscitated her and an echo
revealed bacterial endocarditis.

Caused by what?

Most likely a dental infection.

The bacterial growths caused
severe aortic valve
insufficiency,

so Beckman and Schmitt did
an emergent valve replacement.

We still need to follow up
on blood and tissue cultures,

consult ID and cardiology.

All right. Thank you.

Why don'’t you go get some rest?

I'’m not going anywhere.

Teddy'’s now my patient
and you'’re my patient'’s husband.

I need to focus on her and I
can'’t do that with you here.

Owen...
...we should check on the kids.

Okay.

- You too.
- Oh.

All right. We might
as well stay and work,

but let us know
the minute something changes.

All right. I'’ll need to see
her post-op CT scans.

- I haven'’t scanned her yet.
- Why not?

I didn'’t think that
was standard protocol.

The first 24 hours after surgery

are just as important
as the surgery itself, Schmitt.

It'’s not about standard.
It'’s about being hypervigilant.

- Get her to CT ASAP.
- Okay.

How long was I gone?
- You left in the morning and--

Nope.
Not a real question, Millin.

What I mean is,
I approved you all
to attend Griffith'’s wedding.

Yeah, it didn'’t
happen. Ask Adams.

- What is that supposed to mean?
- Means home-wrecker.

Tell me what DNI means?

Stop, stop.

You all had specific assignments
for your shift afterwards.

But when I read the notes
this morning, no one was
where they were supposed to be.

- Why were you with Sam Sutton?
- Yasuda and I switched services.

- Because Adams got punched
by his patient.
- Griffith'’s ex-fiancé.

At least he didn'’t
conveniently forget about
someone'’s medical directive.

Maxine is stable now--

- Great,
but Adams filleted a patient.
Okay, so--

Shut up. Shut up!

Shut up, all of you.

A patient died.

You understand?
Their life is over.

That and the disrespect
of someone'’s medical directive,

you all just opened up
this hospital to
about five different lawsuits

which, as your teacher,
I could be named.
So now you'’re risking my career.

And right now none
of you is worth that to me.

- Wait,
so you'’re firing all of us?

- I just want to ex--
I didn'’t--

Stop. I'’m needed in the ICU,
but we'’re not done.

Stay here. Do not move.

Do not practice medicine.

You made me get on your
plane in the middle of the night

and fly across the country
for a conversation.

How long do I have to wait?

I'’ve spent every minute
on the phone since
your antics last night

doing damage
control with the donors.

I know. I sat by
you on the plane.

Oh, don'’t be snide.

I haven'’t had to dance
like that since the '’80s.

I had to spin your lunacy
into dehydration and exhaustion.

- You lied.
- I saved your career.

You made my
foundation look like a joke.

You hired a batch of interns
that are clearly only interested

in sinking this
hospital'’s reputation.

They'’re foolish and dangerous.

And frankly, the only reason
they'’re here is because of you.

In 12 hours
you have potentially caused me
two PR nightmares

that would take
thousands of dollars to fix.

Firing you would just add
to a media storm,

so you have two options.

Shut up about your theories
on Alzheimer'’s,

or I shut down your lab.

You can go back to Boston now.

But not on my plane.

I can'’t believe
you'’re practicing knots,
when we might all be fired.

Well, can'’t get rusty. We
might be looking for new jobs.

- It'’s Ndugu from the CCU.

Dr. Marsh said
we can'’t leave the room.

So you want me to ignore
the new chief of cardio?

Yeah, I don'’t need this.

What?

You said a thing last night.

I said a lot of things.

Wanna talk about it?

I wanna go check on Maxine,

see if she'’s ready
to be extubated.

- Dr. Marsh?
- Yeah.

I wanna assure you,
I can carry out

whatever plan you have in mind
for the interns.

Ooh, that'’s okay. I'’ve got it.

Right, well, as chief resident,
or technically cochief...

- Yeah.
- ...if I could know
what the plan is?

Well, I don'’t know what
that is yet. And once I do,
I will handle it myself.

I couldn'’t be in three places
at once last night--

Excuse me. You'’re a
chief resident. Act like it.

Dr. Sally to Psychiatry.
Dr. Sally to Psychiatry.

Lucas, can you
wait? Lucas, damn it.

You have barely said two words
to me since last night.

We need to talk about
what happened.

- I'’m fine.
- I am not.

There'’s gonna be
an investigation.

They'’re gonna ask whose
decision it was to open Sam up.

- Tell '’em it was mine.
- Hey, can you give us a hand?

Engine crapped out.
Patient'’s 43, male. MVC. GCS
nine. Intubated in the field.

Prominent seat belt sign.
borderline.

We gave him 500 cc
bolus of LR en route.

We called for another rig,
but SFD is stuck in
an industrial fire.

- Can you help us
get him to the ER?
- We'’re not technically-- Hey.

Adams, no practicing medicine.

The longer
this patient has to wait,

the higher the chance
he could decompensate.

Do you mind bagging?
- Actually, I do.

Marsh cannot
find out about this.

Get out of the way.
Get out of the way.

Y-You okay?

Oh, it'’s superficial.

Okay.

You'’re doing good.

Thank you.

- Okay.

Whoa, he'’s desatting.
- Oh, crap, the Ambu.

What was that?

I don'’t know.

Um, his blood pressure
is starting to drop.

- Can you open the doors?
- Yeah.

It'’s stuck.

Oh, no. We ha--
We have to get out of here.

Help! Hey!

- Somebody help!
Hey! Hey!

Hey.

Did you get some sleep?

Um, a little bit, yeah.

- What is it?

Sam Sutton'’s mom is here.

Teddy
is stable so far.

I'’ll do a neuro exam on her
once they wean her off sedation.

I'’ll go check on Owen.

- I'’m gonna keep an eye on him.
- Okay.

- Meredith.
- Yes?

I read it all.

Your research.
I went through your data.

Transcripts
on the image tampering,

the inconsistencies
in the drug trials.

And? You see what I see.

Hey, sorry.
Uh, I'’m on my way to the OR.
How'’d it go with Catherine?

- I'’m gonna check on Owen.
Okay.

Uh, you know, if I don'’t
shut up, I'’ll be fired.

- Yeah.
- What about the interns?

Uh, no one'’s giving me
a straight story and
the notes are indecipherable.

Look, if they stay,
the whole surgical department,

they'’re gonna
need to be evaluated.

You'’re thinking about
getting rid of them?

Well, I don'’t know yet,
but none of them
will go near a patient today

and maybe even for a very
long time, especially Adams.

- What happened
to second chances?
- Not a second chance anymore.

With Adams
it'’s more like an eighth.

I'’m gonna text you
when I'’m out of surgery.

Okay.

Mer, come with me.
Interns are in trouble.

- Please tell me it isn'’t Adams.
- Uh...

Leo, please,
will you just get dressed?

Well, tell Grandma that Dad said
you can wear whatever you want.

Oh, and remember
that it'’s sharing day at school.

Soon. Yeah. Mommy
will be home soon.

I was on my way to Teddy'’s
office to check her calendar.

- I don'’t wanna miss
anything for the kids.
- Does it matter?

It'’s okay to miss
something today.

I mean, let the kids
stay home from school.

Let them eat ice
cream for breakfast.

Today is not a normal day.
You don'’t have to pretend
that it is.

When is the last
time you ate something?

Come on.

So, um,

I did a thing,

and maybe you already know
because you were in the room,

but I kinda told Blue
that I love him while crying

and not in a "oh, it'’s just
allergies" kind of way,
and I know what you'’d say.

"Who cares what you did?
You'’re getting a good lay."

But that'’s not why I'’m here.

I'’m here to work.
And now my job is on the line

because of what he did.

But I am also really glad
that you'’re still alive.

You about done?

I need to check her lungs.

- Uh, yeah.

Her ABG has improved.

Well, hopefully we
can pull the tube soon.

- Thank you, sir.
- Mm-hmm.

Uh, Dr. Webber, um,

Dr. Marsh mentioned that
there would be consequences
for last night.

I was not as
involved as the others.

You can check the charts,
check the nurses,
check everything.

Well, Dr. Millin, your name is
all over this patient'’s chart.

Doctors cannot make
objective decisions on care
when it comes to family.

You are this patient'’s
medical proxy and doctor.

You are absolutely involved.

Excuse me.

CT scans show
no further source of infection.

Blood cultures and
path report, Yasuda?

Both should be updated now.

- Did Marsh assign you
to this case?
- I did.

Yasuda, let'’s proceed
with vascular checks.

Dr. Ndugu, I should tell you
that the interns are
under review at the moment.

That is not my problem. Dr.
Altman is in critical condition.

We need surgeons
watching this room at all times.

No. Damn it.

It'’s cold. There'’s no pulse.

- Give me the Doppler.
Uh-huh.

- Nope. No signal.

- Should I call for a CT angio?
- No, there'’s no time.

Schmitt, call up to IR.
Tell them to prep for
an endovascular embolectomy.

We need to get her in there
before she loses her leg.

- What should I do?
- You need to find Hunt.
Let'’s move.

No one go near the car.

What in the world?
Obstacle detected.

We got three in the rig,
one unstable, and the car'’s
obviously malfunctioning.

Until we can deactivate it,

we can'’t safely
extricate the patients

without putting them
or ourselves in danger.

- Okay. Well, where'’s the driver?
- Why is he in the back seat?

No, no, no. I'’m not the driver.

Malfunction.
- It'’s a RoGo.

- A what?
- It'’s a RoGo.
It'’s a driverless rideshare.

I work for the company
and we'’re beta testing
a new SUV model.

Can someone get me out?

My arm is throbbing and Wayne
locked the doors and the window.

- What-- Oh, no. Oh, no.
No,
it'’s happening again.

- Can you shut it off?
- The car'’s name is Wayne.

- They all have names.
- Turn Wayne off!

I'’ve tried. Clearly
he'’s not listening.

- Wayne, power down.
Okay. Call inside.

Tell them that
we need someone on standby
for his head lac and his arm.

Griffith, Adams.
Are you okay? Can you hear me?

- Dr. Grey?
- Yes, unexpected visit.

We'’re fine, but...
Mr.-- Mr. Campbell isn'’t.

His blood pressure'’s tanking.

Okay. Well, heads up!
There'’s gonna be another impact.

- Hey, when are we
getting out of here?
- Car company'’s headed here.

This is the third accident
we'’ve reported to them
in the last week.

- No, how long?
- Maybe 20 minutes?

Okay, we don'’t have 20 minutes.

Have either one of you
run a trauma before?

- No.
- Why?

You seen one?

Of course.
- Time to do one.

The ambulance is
now your trauma room.

It started as
a small tear in his aorta
caused from his accident.

And normally these things only
need to be closely monitored,

but in rare cases,
they can rapidly bleed
before we'’re able to repair it.

I worried for years.

Every time the phone rang,
my stomach would lurch

and I'’d wonder if it was
the air force calling
to tell me that he was dead.

He spent his life
doing death-defying things.

I know.
He seemed in-incredible.

Yeah. He was.

So when I hear that he died
in a hospital surrounded
by medical professionals

because you didn'’t catch a tear
in his aorta on time,

- I just don'’t understand.

Uh, Mrs. Sutton, I know
this is very difficult for you--

Do you two have kids?

- I do.
Yes.

Then I don'’t need to tell you
how I ache inside,

knowing that I'’m still here
and my son is not.

Sam hated being
in the hospital.

But he mentioned
the two of you and...

When he did,

it was clear that the two of you
meant something to him.

- But--

- Um...
Oh.

For you, he was just
another patient, wasn'’t he?

I-- I have to take this.
It-- It'’s an emergency.

Mrs. Sutton,
I am deeply sorry for your loss.

- Okay. I ate. Feel better?
- Do you?

- I will
after I check on the pit.
- Owen, you can'’t go to work.

I need to make sure
my department'’s okay.

Your department is aware of
what'’s happening. They'’re fine.

The ER is never fine, okay?

Owen, you can'’t
treat patients right now.

I-I gave her a smoothie, Amelia.

The last moment I had
with Teddy was I gave her
a stupid smoothie.

- Owen.
- She had a toothache
from an infection

that went directly to her heart,
and I gave her a smoothie

and now she could die.

Dr. Ndugu sent me to find you.

You'’re still here?

I follow instructions.

Since when?

I'’m not an idiot.

I wouldn'’t have ignored
any other patient'’s DNI,

but you love Maxine,

and I know what it feels like
to lose someone you love.

I don'’t want you
to have to go through that.

What?

We'’ll talk later.

Pedestrian...
What is happening?

Stupidity.
Brace for impact!

It'’s happening again!

- Obstacle detected.

Cones usually work
by blocking the sensors.

The signal'’s interrupted,
and the system'’s shut down.

His arm is swollen,
but I'’m not sure
how you'’re gonna examine him.

I used to have to worry
about teenagers driving.

Now we have to worry
about nobody driving?

It has
collision avoidance systems.

- There is no driver.
- Hey, can I help?

Look, you get this RoGo to stop,
and you can do
whatever you want.

Talk to us!
He'’s about to code.

Adams is bolusing him
with fluids.

Is his
abdomen rigid, distended?

Uh. Y-Yes.

Okay, low BP, distended, rigid.

- He'’s bleeding internally.
- Yeah.

Okay, he needs
an emergency ex lap.

You'’re gonna have to
find a scalpel and--

Oh, damn it. How
fast can you cut?

Because it appears that you have
about 30 seconds between--

- That!

- You-You want us to open him?
Yes.

- In here?
Yes!

- And then what?
- You'’re gonna buy us some time,

so we can get him
to the OR and save his life.

- Okay.

All right.

It'’s likely
a vegetation that showered off

from the infected heart valve.

So, we'’ll do an angio
and locate the occlusion.

We'’ll fish out the clot
and reestablish blood flow.

Obviously, there'’s a risk
that the clot could
break into pieces,

but we'’ll do everything in our
power so that that won'’t happen.

You don'’t have a lot of time.

Owen, Winston
needs your consent.

Hunt.

I'’ve done hundreds
of embolectomies.

And if you don'’t trust me
right now, I get it.

So trust your wife.

She'’s the one who
made me chief of cardio.

Do the procedure.

Sir!
Oh, no.

I need you to keep your arm--
keep your arm
as still as possible.

It'’s most likely fractured.

These cars were supposed
to have an override function,

like a button you push.

Yeah, uh-huh. Wayne
seems to be malfunctioning.

I'’ve honestly never had to
use it. Wayne has always
stopped when I need him to.

- He must be going through
something today.
- Sensors offline.

Okay, did you find
any towels or ABD Pads?

Yes, a whole box.
- Okay, good.

You'’re gonna need to identify
the xiphoid process,

and then make an
abdominal incision.

And whoever cuts,
the other one has to alternate

between bolusing
fluids and bagging.

Wayne!
- Okay, impact.

In a true trauma ex lap,

you should be able
to get into the abdomen
with three quick cuts,

but it'’s going to
take you longer.

Because we'’re not in an OR?

Because you'’re an intern.

Uh, uh, right.

Um, of course. Uh,
yeah. Okay, I'’m ready.

- Wait. I don'’t think
we should do this.
- He'’s dying.

- Okay, brace for impact.

Lucas, please. We don'’t
have the right tools, light.

We don'’t have blood.
Think about Sam. Think about
what happened last night.

- If we hadn'’t opened him,
could he be alive?
- I can'’t do nothing!

I can'’t have another death
on my hands because of you!

No, no, no. Come on.

We designed the AI tech to
simulate human decision-making.

Um, but of course there'’s
the whole ethical issue
of the trolley problem.

It looks more
like a car problem.

No, the-the trolley problem.

Does the, uh, trolley stop
to save one pedestrian,

thereby risking the
passengers inside?

Or does it prioritize
the passengers

and kill the pedestrian?
You know?

Dr. Bailey, Dr. Grey?
He'’s in hemorrhagic shock.

Can we keep buying him time
with fluids without cutting?

If he codes, we'’ll start CPR.

Okay,
only you two can answer that.
You have eyes on the patient.

Well, he'’s bleeding out. We have
to open him to try and stop it.

Impact!

Lucas.

If you'’re gonna cut,
do it now.
- Lucas.

No.

Obstacle detected.

You'’re going
to encounter a lot of blood.

Don'’t panic. Just keep packing.

Everyone, heads up!
- Okay, impact!

His BP'’s bottoming out.
He'’s-- He'’s not perfusing.
I'’m starting compressions.

Don'’t put too much pressure
on the small bowel.
You can injure--

It doesn'’t matter
if he'’s bled out before then.

Uh, bleeding'’s coming
from the liver, but
holding pressure isn'’t helping.

Okay, then do a
Pringle maneuver.

- You ever done one?
- No. Have you?

Do they know how to
do a Pringle maneuver?

Okay. Clamp the
hepatoduodenal ligament.

It runs from the
duodenum to the liver.

- We have no clamps.
- Uh, two fingers can do it.

- All right. Just...
- I got it. Take over.

Okay.

Okay.

Portal vein, hepatic artery,
common bile duct.

I think I'’m there.
How do I know if I'’m there?

Well, once you apply pressure,
the BP should
slowly start to rise.

There it is.
Okay. Impact!
No.

No! Turn the engine off.

Systolic'’s holding in the 90s.

You doin'’ okay?

...sensors in the tires.
- I won a Fox Award last night,

and today, I'’m in
the damn parking lot teaching
interns how to do an ex lap.

Well, as someone who learned
how to do an ex lap from you,

you'’re very good at it.

Wait. What is--
What is he doing?

Low tire pressure.

- Hey!
Low tire pressure.

The sensors work!
- That worked?

Somebody get a gurney over here.
Right here. Come on.

Okay, we'’re gonna
get you out of there.

- Say something.
- What?

Anything.
Because I'’m obsessing over
every possible complication,

so please just say something
so I stop visualizing
Teddy having a stroke,

whatever'’s in your head.

An infection in Teddy'’s mouth
led to severe damage
to her heart.

Two parts of the body
completely separate
from one another.

You told me to say
whatever'’s in my-- I'’m sorry.

I-- It was making me think that
maybe Meredith isn'’t insane.

This is not
making me feel better.

Meredith is hypothesizing that
Alzheimer'’s might not be
singularly connected

to plaque
formation in the brain.

What if it'’s not caused
by anything in the brain at all?

- So what'’s it caused by then?
- Well, I don'’t know.

And the person
I want to talk to about it
is not here anymore.

Let go of the smoothie, Owen.

I said awful
and frustrating things to Derek
the last time I saw him,

and I agonized
over it constantly...

until someone
convinced me to stop.

Yeah.

There.
The clot'’s causing a cutoff at
the right common femoral artery.

Is it?
It'’s huge.

It'’s too big.
I can'’t get it
in there vascularly.

It'’s too risky.
We need to do an arteriotomy.

I'’m opening up her leg.
Yasuda, take the catheter out.

Please don'’t die.
Please don'’t die.
Please don'’t die.

Yasuda.
- Can-- Can you repeat
what you said?

No. Schmitt, take out the
catheter and hold pressure here.

- Yasuda, step back,
take the vest off and go.
- Where?

Once I get into the artery,
I'’ll need a Fogarty catheter,
Schmitt.

Yasuda.

I'’m gonna do this fast.
If I don'’t, there won'’t be
a happy outcome.

So, if you'’re feeling distracted
by personal feelings
about this patient,

I need you gone too.

- I'’m good.
- Scalpel.

Okay. Griffith,
as soon as we get in there,

they will place a vascular
clamp, and you can let go.

Type and cross for
blood and activate MTP.

We'’re probably looking
at a high-grade liver injury.

So we'’ll need a hybrid room
for possible angioembolization.

Hey, you scrubbing in?

- I am scrubbing in.
- Ah!

Okay.

I really don'’t
understand what happened.

Wayne failed the test.

But the algorithms were working.

Well, your arm is
fractured into pieces,

and it'’ll be weeks of recovery
after surgery.

Also, does your company know
how many car accident victims

pass through
the hospital every day?

Actually, it'’s part of our
research. Very depressing.

Well, that number will
significantly increase
with self-driving cars.

- More people will be injured,
if not dead.
- Or the opposite.

Automation doesn'’t just bring
improved customer satisfaction
and efficiency.

It'’s about safety.
How many drivers get in
accidents because they'’re tired,

distracted, angry at someone
who just cut them off?

Humans have feelings
and feelings don'’t belong
behind the wheel.

I-It only leads to
bad decision-making,
errors and pain.

No, it leads to
compassion and connection.

Nobody cares about
those things anymore.

They do if they save lives.

Do you think you'’ve saved
more lives than surgical robots?

- OR'’s prepped and ready.
- Could someone check on Wayne?

Because no one has told me
where they'’re towing him.

Kwan, track him down.

It'’s not a "him." It'’s a car.

It'’s a car.

Thank you.

Dr. Lloyd to Radiology.

Um, I finished the rest of
your patient'’s progress notes.

- Oh. Thank you, Millin.
- I also removed my name from
Maxine'’s chart as her doctor.

It was completely unprofessional

and I used bad judgment.
It won'’t happen again.

Is there
something else you needed?

I was wondering if
you had reconsidered

putting in a good word for me
with Dr. Marsh.

No. I mean, you'’re
taking accountability.

That'’s not an easy thing.
I know that more than you know.

Accountability is what will
allow you to move forward
after the mistake.

Ideally, you'’ll never make
the same mistake again

because if you do, your
career might not survive it.

After what Kwan and Adams did,

I might not have a career.

You know what goes hand in hand
with accountability, don'’t you?

Forgiveness.

Could you maybe
tell that to Dr. Marsh?

Dr. Webber, she'’s ready.

Maxine'’s ready to be extubated.

Oh, I-I-I will-- I
will stay out here.

Okay.

Teddy'’s in IR.
Clot in the femoral.

Well, I trust Ndugu.

Marsh doesn'’t know what he
wants to do with these interns.

Been there.
That job is like parenting,

but interns won'’t take care
of your things when you die.

Oh, I'’m sorry, you think your
class wasn'’t as bad as this one?

You all cut an LVAD wire
and that'’s just one example.

- You sabotaged clinical trials.
And look at me now.

Remember
how you got there.

Hey! I'’m lead, you'’re assisting.

The patient'’s prepped
and ready. Massive transfusion
protocol activated.

- After you place the clamp,
you want us to leave?
- No.

- Dr. Marsh said we weren'’t to--
Forget about Marsh.

How are you supposed to learn
to do better if you'’re not
in the room, right?

Grey, you don'’t work here.

Adams, go scrub.

Still giving me trouble.

Let me get in here.

Okay. Hold that there. Good.

All right, let'’s get a clamp.

All right, on my
count, Griffith.

Here.

One.

Two. And three.

Got it.

♪ When the truth is wrapped
Around my neck ♪

♪ What happens now ♪

Fogarty catheter.

♪ What happens then ♪

We don'’t have much time.
We have to reperfuse this leg.

Deploy the balloon.

♪ It'’s a cruel game
Of cause and effect ♪

♪ Such a cruel game ♪

♪ But it'’s not over yet ♪

Ah! There. You
were right. Liver lac.

- Griffith, suction.

We need to try to do
a primary vascular repair.

♪ No stopping it, stopping it
Once it starts ♪

Hey.

Hey.

Are you okay?

- Mika?
- I-- I don'’t think I can sit.

♪ It gets me high
Yeah, it gets me low ♪

♪ It'’s a war
Between my head and my heart ♪

♪ It'’s a war ♪

♪ Between my head
And my heart ♪

♪ It'’s a war ♪

♪ Between my head
And my heart ♪

Yasuda. Is-Is Doctor
Altman-- Is-Is she--

Where were you?

- Are you okay?
- Am I okay?

No. No, I'’m not okay.

Where have you been?

You were one of Sam'’s doctors.

You constantly reminded me
of it, and you weren'’t there.

- Yasuda, I'’m--
- No!

Where were you?
I-I genuinely want to know.

I need to know.

His blood is still on my shoes.

And my hands-- my hands kept
Dr. Altman'’s heart beating
last night.

And I don'’t even know
if she'’s alive right now

because Ndugu kicked me
out of the IR suite.

I-- I can'’t focus.

I-- I can'’t think,
and I also might be fired.

From the only place that
would hire me as a surgeon.

We are interns.

You were supposed to be
there when we called,
but we-we called and we paged,

and we hoped that someone
would come through those doors

and no one did
until it was too late.

People keep
asking me what'’s next.

I thought I'’d at least get
24 hours of taking it all in.

Well, how about taking over
my surgical cases
for the next few days?

Uh. Everything okay?

You knocked a drink
out of my hand,
yesterday on the plane.

- And then last night
I ordered one after the awards.

I didn'’t drink it.

I almost did.
And it'’s been in my mind
ever since it happened, and...

I don'’t trust myself
in the OR right now.

I'’m not sure I ever will.

Oh, you will.

And you'’ve been here before,
and you know how to get back.

And starting over can be hard...

...but it'’ll remind you why
you have made it this far.

And don'’t worry
about your surgeries.

Thanks, Bailey.

I successfully removed the clot
and restored circulation
to her leg.

So we'’ll keep her
on heparin for now, and then
we'’ll monitor her closely.

Thank you, really. Thank you.

- I'’ll go get you some coffee.
Okay.

All right, I'’ve got the cue on
vascular checks and the coags,
so you can go home.

Oh, but I'’m the resident on
the case, and it'’s Dr. Altman.

And you'’ve been up all night,
so go home and get some rest.

Are you going to?

Go home before I
change my mind, Schmitt.

Hey.
- Hey.

How'’s Teddy?

Uh, she still
hasn'’t woken up yet.

You'’re mad?

No.

Now you'’re
lying, and you'’re mad.

Look, I told them
not to move, okay?

I said they couldn'’t touch
patients or practice medicine,

but instead of listening to me,
they screwed up again.

And this was different.

Yeah, right, this time, they
actually performed an ex lap.

Right, because the
patient was dying.

And I was right there
guiding them through it.

Yeah, Meredith,
you don'’t get it.

If they keep screwing up
over and over and over again,

I can'’t move to Boston.

What?

If the program'’s falling apart,

I can'’t leave
in good conscience. Okay?

Even if it is to be with you,
I can'’t do it.

- You hate Boston.

Yes, I do. But, you
know, second chances.

Well, I don'’t even know
if I still have a job in Boston.

Well, you do if you shut up
about your research.

Look, hey, you'’ll find a way.
You always do.

You just talked two interns
through an ex lap
inside of a crushed ambulance.

- You'’ll find a way.
- I had help.

Mmm. Mmm.

- What'’s happening?

- I have an idea.
Oh.

Okay.

Dr. Webber extubated Maxine.

She is hungry,
talking and annoyed.

Hey, uh.

You wanna come over tonight?

I said I hated you.

I mean,
I also said that I love you,
but I said that I hated you.

So what?

One cancels the other out?

What I'’m saying is that I
clearly wasn'’t making sense.

I was an emotional
mess because of Maxine

and vulnerability leads
to emotional extremes.

And I say both of those things
to a lot of people.

Like, as in now?

I don'’t subscribe
to mononormativity.

And also I-- I
can'’t be walking around

worrying about disappointing the
one person I'’m supposed to love.

I'’m sorry if I gave
you the wrong idea.

No.

It'’s-- It'’s a relief.

You know, that'’s what
I wanted to talk to you about.
I agree. It'’s better.

Hmm.

You know, so
things won'’t be weird.

Oh.

Well.

Great.

- Great.
- Mmm.

Do you or do you not
check your texts?

Marsh'’s on his way
back to the lab.

Hey, uh,
Bailey wants us to check on
the patient'’s labs in an hour.

I'’ve wanted one
thing my entire life.

This.

To be a surgeon.

And I could lose everything.

All I'’ve worked for--
once again-- because...

Say it, Simone.

Because of me.

Why did you
agree to help me last night?

You could'’ve said no.

You could'’ve run out of the room
and grabbed an attending,

but instead you
grabbed a pair of gloves.

Because I can'’t
say no to you, Lucas.

We killed a man in
less than two minutes.

Good surgeons own their
failures. They apologize.

Why can'’t you? Why can'’t you...

admit that what
we did was wrong?

Because it wasn'’t.

I won'’t
apologize for it, Simone.

I-- I won'’t ever
apologize for trying.

I don'’t live with regrets.

I guess that'’s where you
and I are different.

Do you regret us?

No, I just--

You and me last night--

Everything'’s happened so fast,
and I think I need a minute.

Yeah.

Do you feel guilty about Sam?

I feel badly about him.
Sam was our patient.

I know that I could'’ve been
a better version of myself

around him, at moments, but--

But...

we weren'’t there.

We weren'’t.

But Sam didn'’t die because of
something we did or didn'’t do.

He had a terrible complication

that some of the most talented
cardiothoracic surgeons
can'’t fix.

It just feels...

so wrong to be this happy when
other people will never get
that chance again.

Why-- Why do I deserve all this?

Deserve you?

It'’s just--

You have had a lifetime of hard.

And every time I'’ve seen you
go through something awful,
it broke my heart.

Because you are the fiercest,

kindest...

- smartest, most loyal person.
You'’re--

Those years when we weren'’t
in each other'’s lives,
those were dark years.

And I thought of
you every single day.

So we'’ve been through too much,
together and apart.

You deserve this.

We deserve this.

And what if we don'’t work out?

Uh, we'’re gonna work out.

I just wasted 20 years
of my life not acting on it.

Some people
spend their lives trying
to make a dream come true.

♪ Ooh, time is ♪

On the outside, um...

♪ Always on the run ♪

...I didn'’t break my sobriety.

But it feels like I did.

So I'’m here to ask for your help
with a reset.

Tonight...

I'’m one day sober.

We set a goal and make a plan
on how to achieve it.

Catherine. I'’ll focus the
research back on the black.

Excuse me?

You gave me an opportunity
to make a difference,

and that is what I will do.

I will stick with
what'’s being funded.

You win.

It works
for some people.

I always do.

But for
others, it'’s not so easy.

Hey.
- Hi.

Well, I got your text.

What is this mysterious favor?

My research.

I have, uh--
I have papers, I have proposals.

I have notes from phone calls
with neuroscientists
from around the country.

I'’ve gotten a little further
than I'’d led you to believe.

And what do you want from me?

I need you to help
me keep it going.

But nobody can know.

As hard as you
work toward the dream,

it can feel like the whole
world has plotted against you.

♪ We only go in
One direction ♪

As you get
further away from it,

you cling to any sign of hope.

Hey. Teddy.

♪ Hold me steady ♪

What, um--

What happened?

♪ Hold me steady ♪

- Hey.

And the longer it takes
and the more it costs you...

Hey.
Hi.

...you start to consider
whether you should give up.

- You all still work here.
Oh, thank God.

Uh, but I no longer do.
I'’m leaving,
but it'’s not because of you.

I, uh-- Despite
what I said this morning,

I-I still believe in you.
I always will.

And I'’m not worried
because I'’m leaving you
in very capable hands.

- Who?
Do you find a new dream?

Or do you stick to the one
that started you on this
journey in the first place?

I have five rules.