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["IPHONE" by Rico Nasty playing]
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♪ This time won't be nothing
like the last one ♪
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♪ Smoking so much gas
I forgot to put my mask on ♪
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00:00:14,657 --> 00:00:18,041
♪ I shine with the lights off
He hates when I don't call ♪
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00:00:18,141 --> 00:00:20,963
♪ Two months without me
Guess you're having withdrawals ♪
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00:00:21,063 --> 00:00:23,926
♪ He on my hip like a Tamagotchi ♪
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♪ Leave a heart on my wall
so I can know you like me ♪
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♪ I'm important, can't be seen
with just anybody ♪
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♪ We was late, but we still
pulled up to the party ♪
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Hey, st-- Um...
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Do you want this?
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Yeah.
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- Hi!
- Whose scooter is that, Maggie?
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Mine, I bought it after watching
a particularly persuasive TikTok ad.
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- And you've just given it away.
- Honestly, Eddie, I just saw myself on it
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reflected in a shop window,
it was a rude awakening.
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- It had to go.
- Oh, shit. Question eight.
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Which day of the week is the worst?
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- We hate scooter people.
- I know, but, like, the environment?
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You don't care about the environment,
you said all humans
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- deserve to burn to death.
- Only because I'd just
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had that really weird haircut.
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- You seem better.
- Yeah, I'm having the best week.
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- I went to a spin class, yesterday.
- What?
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I left ten minutes in, cos the instructor
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kept playing Ed Sheeran dance remixes,
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but, like, the intention was there.
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Anyways, I need you to take
tomorrow off work.
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I've got too much going on here.
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Look, it's important!
My old school want me to come back
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and do a talk for their little drama club,
isn't that cute?
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- Must've read the reviews of my play.
- The two-star reviews?
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The state of the education system
in this country is dire. They need me.
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As a former student
working professionally in theatre,
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I thought I could
come in and do a talk,
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cos I'm gonna be in town, anyways.
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They practically begged me, Eddie.
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So, I need you to drive me to East Sussex.
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00:01:58,561 --> 00:02:02,105
Question nine. Who did I vote for
in the 2002 Pop Idol final,
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00:02:02,205 --> 00:02:04,667
- Gareth Gates or Will Young?
- Can you stop asking questions?
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No, I can't, people have
paid good money for this pub quiz.
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00:02:07,850 --> 00:02:10,513
And by "people," do you mean
two underage goths
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- and Will?
- At least Will showed up on time.
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- Maybe he's my number one bestie.
- You take that back.
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Maggie, I love that you suddenly
seem to believe children are the future,
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00:02:19,422 --> 00:02:21,844
but you hate public speaking.
When you gave that speech
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at Anya's wedding, you shook so hard,
someone asked me
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- if you were detoxing from heroin.
- But this is a tiny group of kids.
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00:02:27,950 --> 00:02:30,653
- Drama nerds, I bet.
- I don't get why you'd travel there.
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- That school did a lot.
- Everyone took the piss
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- out of your accent.
- I had some amazing teachers.
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I had this one history teacher
in particular,
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he was just really... inspirational.
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He kind of changed my life.
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And I think he still works there,
so maybe I could, like, thank him.
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00:02:50,613 --> 00:02:53,236
Sorry, were you visited in the night
by three ghosts?
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- Where is this benevolence coming from?
- Look, I'm turning 30 soon,
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and I want to be a good person.
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I am a good person, actually.
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I just wanna project that goodness more,
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and you can project your goodness more
by driving me there.
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00:03:05,428 --> 00:03:07,810
- Who'll look after the bar?
- That manager you just hired.
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00:03:07,910 --> 00:03:09,612
What's his name?
The wanky earring guy.
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00:03:09,712 --> 00:03:12,615
The BMX doesn't have gears,
you just kind of set it up...
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- Him. What's his name?
- I think it's Klent?
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- There's no way it's Klent.
- I think it is.
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- He can't look after the bar on his own.
- Hey, Eddie!
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Can I take a quick 60?
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Jen, over there,
has never seen a BMX before,
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and I am gonna pop her cherry.
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Uh, no, you can't.
Go and clean the loos.
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What?
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How?
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Fuck's sake.
Just get on with it.
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Don't be scary!
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-"How?" Ah.
- His dad's an earl.
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It's like working with the little
sheltered boy from The Secret Garden.
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Question ten. What's the name of the
little sheltered boy
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- from The Secret Garden?
- Colin!
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I'm convinced he's never
had a real job before.
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00:03:50,513 --> 00:03:52,575
But, I need him to lure
the other fuckboys in.
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00:03:52,675 --> 00:03:54,937
The fuckboy pound
has become surprisingly strong,
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since they all
became social media managers.
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00:03:56,999 --> 00:03:58,621
Great quiz this week, Eddie.
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Some really thought provoking
questions in there.
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00:04:02,284 --> 00:04:05,348
- Tell me, the day of the week question.
- Mm.
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00:04:05,448 --> 00:04:07,590
Are we talking worst,
as in, least enjoyable?
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00:04:07,690 --> 00:04:09,732
- Or, are we talking--
- Hey, Eddie!
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00:04:10,132 --> 00:04:13,195
If you come tomorrow,
I'll let you pretend to be my publicist.
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00:04:13,295 --> 00:04:16,239
You can lie to people all day
with no consequences,
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00:04:16,339 --> 00:04:18,841
like when you told everyone
you invented Jedward's haircut.
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00:04:20,863 --> 00:04:22,865
Can I have a fake name?
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00:04:23,346 --> 00:04:25,768
♪ What's wrong?
What's wrong now? ♪
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♪ Too many, too many problems ♪
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♪ Don't know where she belongs ♪
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♪ Where she belongs ♪
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♪ She wants to go home ♪
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♪ But nobody's home ♪
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♪ Where she lies... ♪
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OK, quick stop,
and then we gotta hustle.
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Get ready for my "talk."
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00:04:46,769 --> 00:04:49,071
I mean, you're gonna
have to give a talk.
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00:04:49,171 --> 00:04:51,333
Yeah, I'm just gonna wing it,
they're children.
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00:04:51,654 --> 00:04:54,537
- And what if you get the shakes?
- I won't, have some faith.
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What... the fuck?
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- What?
- That's what you're wearing
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00:05:02,705 --> 00:05:04,166
to go to a school?
108
00:05:04,266 --> 00:05:05,848
I wanna seem like a successful lady.
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00:05:05,948 --> 00:05:08,170
That is not a successful lady outfit.
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That is a "shag me" outfit.
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00:05:10,032 --> 00:05:12,074
- Who are you trying to shag?
- No-one.
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00:05:13,155 --> 00:05:15,097
That history teacher you mentioned,
what's his name?
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- I can't remember. Mr Wilson.
- Maggie.
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OK, was Mr Wilson hot?
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00:05:21,804 --> 00:05:23,346
Smoking hot.
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00:05:23,446 --> 00:05:25,668
- Oh, my God.
- I haven't slept in a week,
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00:05:25,768 --> 00:05:28,591
I might've overdone the concealer.
Do I look like a pale panda?
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Maggie!
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Mr Wilson might me my soulmate.
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He wasn't like the other teachers,
he was funny,
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and smart and we just,
like, had this connection.
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00:05:44,747 --> 00:05:47,450
Was Mr Wilson the teacher
who tried to molest you?
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00:05:47,550 --> 00:05:49,912
No! Ew, that was the maths teacher,
Mr Phillips.
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00:05:50,833 --> 00:05:53,496
It was prom night, 2008.
I'd just turned 16,
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my braces were freshly off,
and I was resplendent
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in my Debut by Debenhams dress.
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Then, Mr Phillips slithered over.
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00:06:00,202 --> 00:06:02,064
He said I looked really grown up,
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00:06:02,164 --> 00:06:04,066
which, let's face it, was not true.
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00:06:04,166 --> 00:06:06,349
Then, all of a sudden,
he lurched at me
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00:06:06,449 --> 00:06:08,270
with his gross mouth.
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00:06:08,370 --> 00:06:09,672
But guess who saved me.
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It was so intense.
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00:06:20,663 --> 00:06:23,686
So, if it had been the history teacher
who tried it on,
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00:06:23,786 --> 00:06:25,167
- you'd have banged him?
- Yes!
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00:06:25,267 --> 00:06:27,650
But the crucial thing
is he didn't try it on,
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- he wouldn't shag a child.
- Wow!
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00:06:29,472 --> 00:06:31,774
We should nominate him
for a Pride of Britain award.
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It's not beyond the realms of possibility
that we're truly meant to be together
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and we just met at the wrong time.
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00:06:38,761 --> 00:06:40,763
- My brother.
- Diet Coke?
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00:06:44,767 --> 00:06:47,149
- What's up?
- Hiya, I'm in Dalston,
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00:06:47,249 --> 00:06:49,432
Thought I'd come by,
see how our bar's doing.
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- You about?
- I'm not.
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But I'll be back tomorrow,
if you wanna swing by.
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Ah, sorry, me and Lauren
have a deer carcass
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preparation workshop tomorrow.
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- We've had it booked for ages.
- Oh.
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00:06:59,261 --> 00:07:02,004
- So, you're still into all that stuff?
- Um, yeah.
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00:07:02,104 --> 00:07:04,967
I'm still into surviving
the inevitable collapse of society.
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00:07:05,067 --> 00:07:06,769
- Call me crazy.
- I do.
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00:07:06,869 --> 00:07:09,111
I've got to go, Jay.
Enjoy the dead deer.
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00:07:11,233 --> 00:07:14,697
All clear. So, we've owned the bar
for nearly 12 years,
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our father owned it before.
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00:07:16,118 --> 00:07:17,900
Hey! Let's go.
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00:07:18,000 --> 00:07:20,002
Now, to go get my bagel.
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00:07:20,362 --> 00:07:23,426
Oh, God, you're gonna end up
on the fucking news.
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00:07:38,661 --> 00:07:41,083
♪ Walkin' like a man
Hitting like a hammer ♪
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00:07:41,183 --> 00:07:43,606
♪ She's a juvenile scam
Never was a quitter ♪
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00:07:43,706 --> 00:07:46,549
♪ Tasty like a raindrop
She's got the look ♪
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♪ Heavenly bound
'Cause heaven's got her number ♪
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♪ When she's spinnin' me around
Kissin' is a colour ♪
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- ♪ Her lovin' is a wild dog... ♪
- Hi!
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I remember you,
you're the little Irish girl.
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Top o' the mornin' to ya!
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00:08:01,283 --> 00:08:04,106
Bloody hell, you've not grown
an inch, have you?
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00:08:04,206 --> 00:08:07,029
Hiya. Maggie Donovan,
here to do a talk for Miss Finch.
168
00:08:07,129 --> 00:08:09,251
Oh, yeah,
she said something about that.
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00:08:09,772 --> 00:08:12,454
Hang on here,
while I give her a buzz.
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00:08:12,895 --> 00:08:15,478
Do you still get
those nasty nosebleeds?
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No!
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00:08:17,780 --> 00:08:20,122
Sometimes.
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I can't believe
you were the nosebleed kid.
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00:08:22,304 --> 00:08:24,767
Ugh! I forgot how much I hate it here.
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00:08:24,867 --> 00:08:28,010
God, it even smells the same.
How do you preserve a smell, like?
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00:08:28,110 --> 00:08:30,372
I can't picture you here.
It's very Grange Hill,
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00:08:30,472 --> 00:08:32,474
but somehow, less glamour.
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Oh, my God.
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00:08:36,759 --> 00:08:38,541
That's him. That's Mr Phillips.
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00:08:38,641 --> 00:08:40,643
The lurcher?
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00:08:46,208 --> 00:08:48,631
- Oh, my God!
- Oh, my God! He fucking remembers.
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00:08:48,731 --> 00:08:51,193
He probably thinks you're here
to make a historical complaint.
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00:08:51,293 --> 00:08:54,517
How does he still have his job here?
People saw him do the lurch.
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00:08:54,617 --> 00:08:57,239
Mr Wilson saw him do the lurch,
and now he's his boss.
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00:08:57,339 --> 00:09:00,202
- That's really fucked up!
- Maggie Donovan!
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00:09:00,302 --> 00:09:02,484
Hey!
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00:09:02,584 --> 00:09:05,728
The greatest Willy Loman
this school has ever seen.
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00:09:05,828 --> 00:09:09,011
- Aw...
- And you're a professional actor, now.
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00:09:09,111 --> 00:09:12,374
No, um, I'm a playwright.
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00:09:12,474 --> 00:09:15,978
Oh. Well, that's nice, too.
191
00:09:16,078 --> 00:09:19,101
- Uh, this is...
- Adele Dazeem.
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00:09:19,201 --> 00:09:20,502
Maggie's publicist.
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00:09:20,602 --> 00:09:21,864
My goodness, a publicist.
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00:09:21,964 --> 00:09:23,265
Isn't that something?
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00:09:23,365 --> 00:09:25,347
Now, listen, I have some fab news.
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00:09:25,447 --> 00:09:27,790
Our principal, Mr Wilson,
you might remember him.
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00:09:27,890 --> 00:09:29,792
Mr Wilson...
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00:09:29,892 --> 00:09:32,715
- History, was it? Yeah, yeah.
- Yes! That's right!
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00:09:32,815 --> 00:09:35,157
I told him about you coming,
and he said,
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00:09:35,257 --> 00:09:37,079
with an alumnus of your calibre,
201
00:09:37,179 --> 00:09:39,401
we shouldn't be wasting you
on the little'uns.
202
00:09:39,501 --> 00:09:41,724
So, he set up an assembly
with the A-level lot.
203
00:09:41,824 --> 00:09:44,486
Only 100 kids or so,
so it should be quite fun.
204
00:09:44,586 --> 00:09:46,849
- What? I, uh--
- 100 teenagers?
205
00:09:46,949 --> 00:09:48,951
Like-- like, big teenagers?
206
00:09:49,311 --> 00:09:51,574
Hm. I don't know if that's a great idea,
207
00:09:51,674 --> 00:09:53,676
- from a PR point of view.
- James!
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00:09:53,996 --> 00:09:55,457
She's getting cold feet.
209
00:10:07,609 --> 00:10:10,212
Oh, that is not how I remembered him.
210
00:10:11,613 --> 00:10:12,995
Maggie Donovan.
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00:10:13,095 --> 00:10:14,997
James Wilson.
I don't know if you remember,
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00:10:15,097 --> 00:10:17,199
but I had the pleasure
of teaching you history.
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00:10:17,299 --> 00:10:19,081
Yes, I, um...
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00:10:19,181 --> 00:10:21,403
Yes, I do remember.
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00:10:21,503 --> 00:10:23,525
Uh, this is my--
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00:10:23,625 --> 00:10:26,288
- Adele Dazeem, publicist to the stars.
- Lovely to meet you.
217
00:10:26,388 --> 00:10:31,533
So, Maggie, I hope it's all right with you
that we've expanded your audience a bit.
218
00:10:31,633 --> 00:10:34,056
- Well, I-- Um...
- Come on.
219
00:10:34,156 --> 00:10:35,858
The Maggie Donovan
I remember wouldn't have
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00:10:35,958 --> 00:10:37,620
been scared of a few teenagers.
221
00:10:39,041 --> 00:10:41,043
Um...
222
00:10:42,404 --> 00:10:44,406
Yeah, no, I'd love to.
223
00:10:46,929 --> 00:10:48,030
Great.
224
00:10:54,777 --> 00:10:57,079
I mean... he still
has something about him.
225
00:10:57,179 --> 00:11:00,082
He does have a thing.
It's not the thing I was expecting,
226
00:11:00,182 --> 00:11:02,925
which is, like, classic good looks,
but he does have a thing,
227
00:11:03,025 --> 00:11:04,847
and he's the principal,
and that's fit.
228
00:11:04,947 --> 00:11:06,949
It is fit. It is fit!
229
00:11:08,510 --> 00:11:10,412
- However, I cannot do this assembly.
- Yeah, right.
230
00:11:10,512 --> 00:11:12,815
Because it's, like, my idea of hell.
You know, like,
231
00:11:12,915 --> 00:11:15,537
a group of 11-year-olds who don't know
their arse from their elbow
232
00:11:15,637 --> 00:11:18,701
- is one thing, but 100--
- 100 fucking hormonal nutjobs.
233
00:11:18,801 --> 00:11:20,983
And these aren't nice kids.
I went to this school,
234
00:11:21,083 --> 00:11:23,625
- we're not fucking Hogwarts.
- You'll literally get cyber-bullied.
235
00:11:23,725 --> 00:11:26,308
They'll find your Instagram
and make fun of your selfies.
236
00:11:26,408 --> 00:11:28,270
Do you think they've read the reviews?
237
00:11:28,370 --> 00:11:30,552
Do I think these small-town teenagers
238
00:11:30,652 --> 00:11:32,995
have read the reviews of your Fringe play?
239
00:11:33,095 --> 00:11:35,597
I mean, I would say off-West End,
but I mean--
240
00:11:35,697 --> 00:11:37,720
He-- Mr Wilson,
241
00:11:37,820 --> 00:11:39,862
he's literally just
a secondary school teacher.
242
00:11:40,702 --> 00:11:43,846
- You wanna do a runner.
- Thanks for saying it, I didn't want to.
243
00:11:45,307 --> 00:11:46,889
Ah!
244
00:11:46,989 --> 00:11:48,450
- Busted.
- Hi, we weren't leaving.
245
00:11:48,550 --> 00:11:50,292
Well, I hope not.
246
00:11:50,392 --> 00:11:52,394
That's work, sorry.
247
00:11:52,714 --> 00:11:54,937
Klent, I've told you,
if there's a spider...
248
00:11:55,037 --> 00:11:56,859
Could I, um, grab one of those?
249
00:11:56,959 --> 00:11:58,961
- Yeah, sure.
- OK.
250
00:12:06,328 --> 00:12:08,871
- Thought your generation didn't smoke.
- That's the one after us.
251
00:12:08,971 --> 00:12:11,073
We smoke, we just refuse
to drink cow's milk.
252
00:12:11,173 --> 00:12:13,175
Oh, right.
253
00:12:15,938 --> 00:12:18,120
What is it?
254
00:12:18,220 --> 00:12:20,002
The till's not printing receipts.
255
00:12:20,102 --> 00:12:22,404
- Shall I just close?
- No.
256
00:12:22,504 --> 00:12:25,007
It just needs new till roll,
it's in the office.
257
00:12:25,107 --> 00:12:28,771
Uh, Jay told me to stay out of there
while he's here with the surveyor.
258
00:12:28,871 --> 00:12:30,492
What do you mean, surveyor?
259
00:12:30,592 --> 00:12:34,256
I don't know.
I think they take surveys of things.
260
00:12:34,356 --> 00:12:36,258
- Like a questionnaire.
- No, I--
261
00:12:36,358 --> 00:12:38,861
- How did they get in there?
- I gave them a key.
262
00:12:38,961 --> 00:12:41,904
- Why did you do that?
- Uh, because keys open locks.
263
00:12:42,004 --> 00:12:44,006
I'll be there soon.
264
00:12:45,607 --> 00:12:47,689
She's so badly raised.
265
00:12:50,772 --> 00:12:53,635
D'you remember me, or did you have
to look through old yearbooks?
266
00:12:53,735 --> 00:12:55,918
No, you're not
someone you forget in a hurry
267
00:12:56,018 --> 00:12:57,599
- Cos I was a nightmare.
- No, no.
268
00:12:57,699 --> 00:13:00,402
I saw you as a young woman
with a lot of spirit,
269
00:13:00,502 --> 00:13:03,405
a lot potential, and very little
patience for authority.
270
00:13:03,505 --> 00:13:06,568
Plus, you know, you'd just moved
to a whole new country, so...
271
00:13:06,668 --> 00:13:08,991
- Can't have been easy.
- Well, thanks for, um...
272
00:13:09,631 --> 00:13:11,333
...for being nice to me, back then.
273
00:13:11,433 --> 00:13:13,435
You were special.
274
00:13:14,917 --> 00:13:17,719
Are... special.
275
00:13:18,800 --> 00:13:20,802
Sure.
276
00:13:22,404 --> 00:13:26,508
- So, um, Mr Phillips...
- Mm.
277
00:13:26,608 --> 00:13:28,590
D'you remember what happened
with him at prom?
278
00:13:28,690 --> 00:13:30,512
Surprised to see he's still working here.
279
00:13:34,416 --> 00:13:36,418
Well, I better get back.
280
00:13:36,858 --> 00:13:38,860
Nearly time for your big moment.
281
00:14:00,322 --> 00:14:02,704
- Eddie!
- There you are. We need to go.
282
00:14:02,804 --> 00:14:06,388
- My brother's snooping around the bar.
- We can't leave now, can we?
283
00:14:06,488 --> 00:14:07,990
You're doing the assembly?
284
00:14:08,090 --> 00:14:10,572
You left me with him.
285
00:14:11,213 --> 00:14:13,235
He kept looking at me with his eyes.
286
00:14:13,335 --> 00:14:15,657
Maggie, I need to go.
287
00:14:16,018 --> 00:14:18,020
You can leave straight after.
288
00:14:18,340 --> 00:14:21,343
This will take five minutes, tops.
289
00:14:21,823 --> 00:14:23,825
Oh, my God.
290
00:14:25,707 --> 00:14:27,930
Oh, Maggie Donovan!
291
00:14:28,030 --> 00:14:30,172
Oh, my goodness, hi!
292
00:14:30,272 --> 00:14:32,614
How are you? You look incredible.
293
00:14:32,714 --> 00:14:34,376
Thanks, you too.
294
00:14:34,476 --> 00:14:36,418
Uh, Adele, this is...
295
00:14:36,518 --> 00:14:39,141
- Alison.
- Alison. We were in the same year.
296
00:14:39,241 --> 00:14:42,704
It's been yonks.
What are you doing here?
297
00:14:42,804 --> 00:14:45,187
Uh, they've invited me here
to lead an assembly,
298
00:14:45,287 --> 00:14:47,229
to inspire the next generation
to reach beyond
299
00:14:47,329 --> 00:14:49,992
the confines of their tiny lives,
but, uh, what about you?
300
00:14:50,092 --> 00:14:52,834
- What have you been up to?
- Wow! I teach dance here.
301
00:14:52,934 --> 00:14:55,557
Which is brill.
Oh, and I've got three kids,
302
00:14:55,657 --> 00:14:56,999
if you can believe that.
303
00:14:57,099 --> 00:14:59,801
Why-- Wise of you to have so many.
304
00:14:59,901 --> 00:15:03,285
Right, well, I don't wanna
keep you before your big assembly,
305
00:15:03,385 --> 00:15:05,327
but I would love to catch up afterwards.
306
00:15:05,427 --> 00:15:07,629
- Aw.
- Aw!
307
00:15:10,472 --> 00:15:12,614
Three kids? She is my age.
308
00:15:12,714 --> 00:15:14,256
What was she, a child bride?
309
00:15:14,356 --> 00:15:16,418
Some women spend their 20s
starting a family.
310
00:15:16,518 --> 00:15:18,960
Some women spend them on ketamine,
both are valid choices.
311
00:15:19,561 --> 00:15:21,563
Right, time for my TED Talk.
312
00:15:22,084 --> 00:15:24,706
OK, Maggie, you are really confident
about this improvised,
313
00:15:24,806 --> 00:15:27,349
but apparently, life-changing speech
you're about to make.
314
00:15:27,449 --> 00:15:30,212
Eddie, they are kids.
How hard can it be?
315
00:15:37,379 --> 00:15:38,880
Jesus, they're massive.
316
00:15:38,980 --> 00:15:40,982
These are teenagers?
317
00:15:42,024 --> 00:15:43,885
Maggie is a playwright.
318
00:15:43,985 --> 00:15:47,169
She's worked with some big-name
London theatres,
319
00:15:47,269 --> 00:15:51,213
including the Dagenham Arts Club bar,
320
00:15:51,313 --> 00:15:54,456
and several up-and-coming pub theatres.
321
00:15:54,556 --> 00:15:57,539
It just goes to show,
the sky's the limit for our alumni.
322
00:15:57,639 --> 00:16:01,103
So, let's welcome her on
with a round of applause.
323
00:16:07,089 --> 00:16:09,091
Hi.
324
00:16:16,058 --> 00:16:18,340
What is theatre?
325
00:16:21,663 --> 00:16:23,665
It's just a room.
326
00:16:24,506 --> 00:16:27,349
Uh, it's like this room, but, um...
327
00:16:28,029 --> 00:16:32,434
...better, you can get wine there,
uh, for instance.
328
00:16:34,516 --> 00:16:38,480
If you have a room,
you have theatre.
329
00:16:39,201 --> 00:16:41,863
That's actually quite profound,
because, if you think about it,
330
00:16:41,963 --> 00:16:45,787
like, everyone has a room...
No, not ev-- um...
331
00:16:48,930 --> 00:16:51,213
And, um, you know what they say...
332
00:16:52,654 --> 00:16:55,877
All the world's a stage.
333
00:16:55,977 --> 00:17:00,622
And the men and ladies, merely people.
334
00:17:03,425 --> 00:17:05,427
Do you know who said that?
335
00:17:06,788 --> 00:17:08,790
Abraham Lincoln.
336
00:17:14,196 --> 00:17:16,498
Uh, so, yeah.
337
00:17:16,598 --> 00:17:19,381
Instead of me, like, doing this,
like, long speech,
338
00:17:19,481 --> 00:17:22,144
I think I'll kinda do, like, a Q and A.
339
00:17:22,244 --> 00:17:25,387
So, if anyone has any questions
they wanted to...
340
00:17:25,487 --> 00:17:27,149
- Yes.
- Yeah, what's your bra size?
341
00:17:27,249 --> 00:17:28,750
All right.
342
00:17:28,850 --> 00:17:30,552
Absolutely hilarious, Aaron.
343
00:17:30,652 --> 00:17:33,435
Mr Willy, would you take him
to your office, please?
344
00:17:36,658 --> 00:17:39,100
Um... Yeah, I'm, um...
345
00:17:39,701 --> 00:17:42,864
I'm not gonna answer that one,
cos I don't wanna get Yew Tree'd.
346
00:17:53,315 --> 00:17:54,896
Uh...
347
00:17:54,996 --> 00:17:56,618
Are there any other ques-- Yeah.
348
00:17:56,718 --> 00:17:59,221
- Did you like school?
- Oh, fuck, no. I hated it.
349
00:18:00,482 --> 00:18:01,743
All right, come on.
350
00:18:01,843 --> 00:18:03,845
You've heard a swear word before.
351
00:18:04,766 --> 00:18:07,008
Um... Sorry, um...
352
00:18:07,649 --> 00:18:10,432
Sorry, yeah, no, I, um...
I really hated school.
353
00:18:13,054 --> 00:18:14,596
It felt like, um...
354
00:18:14,696 --> 00:18:17,479
Like a huge waste of my time,
and, like...
355
00:18:17,579 --> 00:18:20,742
Like, nobody gives a fuck about
your A-level results in the real world.
356
00:18:21,223 --> 00:18:23,245
University's just a scam
run by the government
357
00:18:23,345 --> 00:18:25,327
to fund nuclear arms, probably.
358
00:18:25,427 --> 00:18:28,290
But, um... Yeah. What did I even learn?
359
00:18:28,390 --> 00:18:31,333
I don't remember anything I learned,
and I turned out fine, so...
360
00:18:36,838 --> 00:18:38,840
Any more questions?
361
00:18:46,808 --> 00:18:48,810
Come in.
362
00:18:53,615 --> 00:18:56,118
So... apologies.
363
00:18:56,218 --> 00:18:58,680
- That was a bit inappropriate.
- A bit?
364
00:18:58,780 --> 00:19:01,022
They really responded to me,
you know, the honesty.
365
00:19:01,583 --> 00:19:03,245
- Teenagers like honesty.
- Oh!
366
00:19:03,345 --> 00:19:05,547
Oh, is that--
is that what teenagers like?
367
00:19:06,268 --> 00:19:08,290
You completely undermined
everything we do here.
368
00:19:08,390 --> 00:19:11,092
Cos I didn't pretend school
was the best years of my life?
369
00:19:11,192 --> 00:19:13,455
It's a battle keeping
some of these kids in school.
370
00:19:13,555 --> 00:19:15,777
You have absolutely no idea.
371
00:19:15,877 --> 00:19:18,019
- You, you're just--
- I'm what?
372
00:19:18,119 --> 00:19:20,302
You--
373
00:19:20,402 --> 00:19:22,404
What?
374
00:19:36,378 --> 00:19:39,741
Just tell him to leave, Klent.
He's not answering my texts.
375
00:19:40,262 --> 00:19:42,684
No, he's not gonna karate kick you,
he's my brother.
376
00:19:42,784 --> 00:19:46,007
Wh-- Hang on. Excuse me,
have you seen Maggie anywhere?
377
00:19:46,107 --> 00:19:47,209
Who?
378
00:19:47,309 --> 00:19:48,650
The little Irish girl.
379
00:19:48,750 --> 00:19:50,172
Oh, yeah.
380
00:19:50,272 --> 00:19:52,274
She went into Mr Wilson's office.
381
00:19:54,716 --> 00:19:56,498
I've been thinking
about you for 15 years.
382
00:19:56,598 --> 00:19:58,220
Oh, me too.
383
00:19:58,320 --> 00:20:00,822
- Not in a paedo-y way.
- Don't say that word.
384
00:20:00,922 --> 00:20:02,304
Sorry, sorry.
385
00:20:02,404 --> 00:20:05,187
I mean, we just had this--
this connection.
386
00:20:05,287 --> 00:20:07,028
Exactly. Exactly, right.
387
00:20:07,128 --> 00:20:09,130
- Take your knickers off.
- OK.
388
00:20:12,133 --> 00:20:14,196
Oh, my God, she's actually doing it.
389
00:20:14,296 --> 00:20:16,478
- She's actually-- Hi!
- Oh, hi! Maggie's Friend!
390
00:20:16,578 --> 00:20:18,960
Could you tell her
it was nice to see her?
391
00:20:19,060 --> 00:20:20,682
- Yeah.
- I've gotta start dance club.
392
00:20:20,782 --> 00:20:22,644
I'll leave these two with their dad.
393
00:20:22,744 --> 00:20:24,806
I think Mr Wilson's a little bit busy.
394
00:20:24,906 --> 00:20:26,908
No, it's OK, it's just us.
395
00:20:27,749 --> 00:20:30,212
Sorry, could I-- Thank you.
396
00:20:30,312 --> 00:20:31,533
- Yeah.
- Thanks.
397
00:20:31,633 --> 00:20:33,174
- Come on, guys.
- Oh, my God.
398
00:20:33,274 --> 00:20:36,338
Oh! Oh!
399
00:20:36,438 --> 00:20:38,340
What the fuck, James?
400
00:20:38,440 --> 00:20:39,981
No, no, no. Please, listen.
401
00:20:40,081 --> 00:20:42,464
- What are you doing here?
- What am I doing here?
402
00:20:42,564 --> 00:20:44,426
I'm his wife!
403
00:20:44,526 --> 00:20:47,088
I'm sorry, you married a student?
404
00:20:47,609 --> 00:20:50,111
- We connected years after.
- Oh, my God.
405
00:20:50,211 --> 00:20:52,193
Can you tell your kids
to stop filming?
406
00:20:52,293 --> 00:20:55,076
Don't fucking talk to me.
You don't fucking talk to me!
407
00:20:55,176 --> 00:20:56,958
I think they're gonna put it on TikTok.
408
00:20:57,058 --> 00:20:59,040
You promised me I was the only one!
409
00:20:59,140 --> 00:21:01,723
- You were-- Are.
- I am genuinely sorry,
410
00:21:01,823 --> 00:21:03,084
but I cannot...
411
00:21:27,729 --> 00:21:30,512
Thank you for accompanying
me on another gorgeous day out.
412
00:21:30,612 --> 00:21:32,614
One for the, um...
...record books.
413
00:21:35,136 --> 00:21:38,540
Look, I'm all for shenanigans...
414
00:21:40,261 --> 00:21:42,263
...but are you manic?
415
00:21:45,186 --> 00:21:48,129
Just because, if you are,
you know what comes next, right?
416
00:21:48,229 --> 00:21:51,693
OK, this wasn't my finest hour,
but you don't need to be so judgy.
417
00:21:51,793 --> 00:21:53,254
No, I'm not, I was just...
418
00:21:53,354 --> 00:21:55,577
I just wanted to check.
419
00:21:55,677 --> 00:21:57,619
Sorry, I'm just...
420
00:21:57,719 --> 00:22:00,942
I'm pranging out about Jay
sniffing round the bar, earlier.
421
00:22:01,042 --> 00:22:03,905
No, no. It's cool, I get it.
Now, if you'll excuse me,
422
00:22:04,005 --> 00:22:07,108
I need to go wash an old man's cum
out of my tights.
423
00:22:07,208 --> 00:22:09,150
You're a nightmare.
424
00:22:09,250 --> 00:22:11,152
But you love me!
425
00:22:11,252 --> 00:22:13,595
But I love you!
426
00:22:37,639 --> 00:22:41,643
♪ I can't believe it
how we ended up so far ♪
427
00:22:44,045 --> 00:22:49,611
♪ We could be coasting
like the angels with a habit ♪
428
00:22:50,452 --> 00:22:53,855
♪ I'll see the ocean closer
if you let me say my... ♪
429
00:23:09,791 --> 00:23:12,293
♪ You can't tell me
you're not like this ♪
430
00:23:12,393 --> 00:23:15,056
♪ Staring down the pages
of the shit you've missed ♪
431
00:23:15,156 --> 00:23:17,559
♪ Hoping you'll find a way
just to change ♪
432
00:23:20,041 --> 00:23:22,504
♪ Days spent waiting in my living grave ♪
433
00:23:22,604 --> 00:23:25,547
♪ Then turning up at parties
like a hurricane ♪
434
00:23:25,647 --> 00:23:27,649
♪ But it comes in waves ♪
435
00:23:28,329 --> 00:23:32,013
♪ It comes in... waves ♪
34519
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