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Sue... sue shells sea-sells
by the she-shore.
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Toy boat, toy boyt, toy boyt, toy
boyt, toy boyt, toy boyt, toy boyt.
3
00:00:19,051 --> 00:00:23,454
Unique New York, new-ique New York,
New York, new-ique 'nique nork.
4
00:00:23,455 --> 00:00:27,358
My crotch fell.
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Knocked over the crotch.
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00:00:30,162 --> 00:00:31,696
I should move this.
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Petunia. Petunia.
8
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Hey.
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00:00:38,971 --> 00:00:44,071
It's me, Tom Slansky, on what
could turn out to the be the
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00:00:44,109 --> 00:00:46,944
biggest night of my life.
11
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"Why?" You ask.
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Have you ever heard of...
D of...
13
00:01:01,226 --> 00:01:02,793
vampires?
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00:01:02,794 --> 00:01:04,562
"No, no, Tom.
15
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They're fake, the
things of fairy tales."
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00:01:07,164 --> 00:01:09,838
You, okay?
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00:01:12,738 --> 00:01:15,439
Sorry, mom, for the ""
18
00:01:15,440 --> 00:01:19,076
a little bit about me... I'm a
sophomore at Hawthorne college.
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00:01:19,077 --> 00:01:21,012
I'm majoring in photography.
20
00:01:21,013 --> 00:01:25,016
Uh, my favorite thing to
shoot is the female form.
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00:01:25,017 --> 00:01:29,189
But this story's not about me...
this is about Dr. G, the...
22
00:01:31,089 --> 00:01:34,458
And guess what...
he's a vampire.
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00:01:35,160 --> 00:01:39,263
"Oh, a vampire that teaches history...
that's counterintuitive."
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00:01:39,264 --> 00:01:42,667
You again, man.
25
00:01:42,668 --> 00:01:47,768
Once upon a time, Dr. G fell in love...
with a human named Mary.
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Get a chamber!
27
00:01:54,312 --> 00:01:55,145
No.
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00:01:55,146 --> 00:01:58,049
But then, this one time in
Mary's bedchamber, they were in
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there, and it was getting late,
but they didn't care, and they
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00:02:00,919 --> 00:02:02,118
were all over each other.
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00:02:02,119 --> 00:02:05,189
And then the sun went
down, and he bit her.
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00:02:05,190 --> 00:02:06,057
Aah!
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He killed the love of his life.
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Everyone was pissed.
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00:02:15,867 --> 00:02:19,070
Her family didn't even let
him come to the funeral...
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Just 'cause he killed her.
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00:02:21,540 --> 00:02:24,841
Good thing he's a genius and
dressed up like friar tuck and
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00:02:24,842 --> 00:02:28,077
snuck in to see her.
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Thief!
40
00:02:49,101 --> 00:02:50,066
Gretzky!
41
00:02:50,067 --> 00:02:52,069
I never meant to hurt her.
42
00:02:52,070 --> 00:02:56,072
The devil himself disguised
as a man of the cloth.
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00:02:56,073 --> 00:03:01,173
Don't be a fool, Gregor.
44
00:03:03,180 --> 00:03:04,180
Ohh!
45
00:03:06,050 --> 00:03:09,253
You'll rot in hell,
Wayne Gretzky.
46
00:03:09,254 --> 00:03:13,423
You'll rot in hell!
47
00:03:13,692 --> 00:03:15,959
I'm already there.
48
00:03:15,960 --> 00:03:18,696
He just kicked Gregor's ass,
but did you notice that his
49
00:03:18,697 --> 00:03:19,929
teeth didn't grow?
50
00:03:19,930 --> 00:03:24,468
Ever since Mary died,
his teeth went limp.
51
00:03:28,073 --> 00:03:30,441
Goodbye, Mary.
52
00:03:30,442 --> 00:03:34,310
So, for the last 300 years,
Dr. G has been wandering the
53
00:03:34,311 --> 00:03:37,947
earth with his flaccid fangs,
surviving on nothing more
54
00:03:37,948 --> 00:03:43,048
than animal blood... that
is, until a few months ago.
55
00:03:55,167 --> 00:03:59,737
You know, vampire impotence is just
another facet of human impotence.
56
00:03:59,738 --> 00:04:01,372
I am not impotent.
57
00:04:01,373 --> 00:04:02,973
Your teeth won't grow.
58
00:04:02,974 --> 00:04:04,441
What would you call it?
59
00:04:04,442 --> 00:04:07,043
I just think the
comparison may be useful.
60
00:04:07,044 --> 00:04:07,945
Well, in what way?
61
00:04:07,946 --> 00:04:13,046
Well, your impotence began when
you killed the love of your life.
62
00:04:15,120 --> 00:04:19,521
Sorry, Herman.
63
00:04:19,590 --> 00:04:20,590
Ooh. Bleeder.
64
00:04:24,929 --> 00:04:28,399
Say "hello" to Mary.
65
00:04:28,400 --> 00:04:33,500
No, it's not uncommon for a
murderer to become impotent...
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00:04:33,804 --> 00:04:38,904
Because it's usually... my God.
67
00:04:39,010 --> 00:04:40,978
What is up your butt, Wayne?
68
00:04:40,979 --> 00:04:43,414
You know, maybe this whole
thing would work better if we
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00:04:43,415 --> 00:04:44,380
were just friends.
70
00:04:44,381 --> 00:04:45,349
Better for who?
71
00:04:45,350 --> 00:04:47,851
Not for you... you
need help, my friend.
72
00:04:47,852 --> 00:04:50,286
I know, but no one has
experience with this stuff.
73
00:04:50,287 --> 00:04:54,123
I have experience with people, and
you look just like a person to me.
74
00:04:54,124 --> 00:04:56,760
Only, if I do my job right,
we're gonna have you looking
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00:04:56,761 --> 00:04:57,560
more like a demon.
76
00:04:57,561 --> 00:04:58,829
We don't look like demons.
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00:04:58,830 --> 00:04:59,829
On "Buffy," you do.
78
00:04:59,830 --> 00:05:01,332
In real life, we don't.
79
00:05:01,333 --> 00:05:03,601
Well I'm still learning.
80
00:05:03,602 --> 00:05:05,702
There's not a lot of hard
evidence on your breed.
81
00:05:05,703 --> 00:05:08,123
The only reference I have
is pop culture, okay?
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00:05:10,876 --> 00:05:15,976
But, in any case, I'm, uh,
I'm glad you trust me.
83
00:05:17,215 --> 00:05:18,716
I am, too.
84
00:05:24,388 --> 00:05:26,589
So, who's Chris' advisor?
85
00:05:26,590 --> 00:05:28,659
Dr. Levine, I think.
86
00:05:28,660 --> 00:05:31,861
But he smells
like homemade bread.
87
00:05:31,862 --> 00:05:33,363
Ugh!
88
00:05:33,364 --> 00:05:35,565
Look, we caught a largemouth ass.
89
00:05:35,566 --> 00:05:36,065
Ohh!
90
00:05:36,066 --> 00:05:37,868
More like a largemouth dick.
91
00:05:37,869 --> 00:05:39,370
What?
92
00:05:39,371 --> 00:05:40,738
Fred, where's your girlfriend?
93
00:05:40,739 --> 00:05:41,772
She's not my girlfriend.
94
00:05:41,773 --> 00:05:43,507
Just admit...
she doesn't exist.
95
00:05:43,508 --> 00:05:46,577
And when the sun goes
down, you guys get gay.
96
00:05:46,578 --> 00:05:49,245
Just admit that you smell
like shit a-all day long.
97
00:05:49,246 --> 00:05:50,113
What?
98
00:05:50,114 --> 00:05:53,517
♪ Ghost-penning songs for
big-hair aristocrats ♪
99
00:05:53,518 --> 00:05:56,620
♪ now she lies in a
plush, velvet bed ♪
100
00:05:56,621 --> 00:05:59,656
♪ shaped like a coffin
and filled with bats ♪
101
00:05:59,657 --> 00:06:02,058
I think I'm just
gonna wait in the car.
102
00:06:02,059 --> 00:06:03,928
♪ I'm smitten and... ♪
103
00:06:03,929 --> 00:06:05,094
I'm sorry.
104
00:06:05,095 --> 00:06:06,430
I forgot my hat.
105
00:06:06,431 --> 00:06:07,765
Oh, you're such a bitch!
106
00:06:07,766 --> 00:06:08,332
Chris.
107
00:06:08,333 --> 00:06:09,166
No, Ted.
108
00:06:09,167 --> 00:06:10,500
♪ Night blooming ♪
109
00:06:10,501 --> 00:06:12,036
♪ and she bites through necks... ♪
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She's right.
111
00:06:12,671 --> 00:06:17,771
♪ ...like Ginsu ♪
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♪ a sweet, sweet heartkiller ♪
113
00:06:22,746 --> 00:06:24,147
No, no, no, no.
114
00:06:24,148 --> 00:06:27,051
There's... there's nothing wrong
with a freshman being undeclared.
115
00:06:27,052 --> 00:06:30,154
It's difficult to know what you
want to do with the rest of your
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life when you're only 18.
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00:06:31,890 --> 00:06:32,690
I'm 19.
118
00:06:32,691 --> 00:06:34,524
Oh. Were you held back?
119
00:06:34,525 --> 00:06:36,527
What's that supposed to mean?
120
00:06:36,528 --> 00:06:40,029
Why would you say that?
121
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Yes?
122
00:06:42,400 --> 00:06:44,702
Ah, speak of the vampire.
123
00:06:44,703 --> 00:06:46,269
Speak of the devil.
124
00:06:46,270 --> 00:06:47,738
He's not a vampire.
125
00:06:47,739 --> 00:06:51,041
Um, I've been
reading "twilight."
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All I can think
about is vampires.
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00:06:52,811 --> 00:06:55,144
That was not... Gretzky’s, uh...
he's not a vampire.
128
00:06:55,145 --> 00:06:57,247
He's a hell of a history teacher.
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00:06:57,248 --> 00:07:00,250
He seemed a bit scared.
130
00:07:00,251 --> 00:07:03,687
He was... But in a good way.
131
00:07:03,688 --> 00:07:07,024
The students just love him.
132
00:07:07,025 --> 00:07:11,661
Uh, apparently those vampires
can have sex all night long.
133
00:07:11,662 --> 00:07:13,497
How do you like that Edward, hmm?
134
00:07:13,498 --> 00:07:15,298
I don't read that shit.
135
00:07:15,299 --> 00:07:16,767
Chris, please.
136
00:07:16,768 --> 00:07:17,500
What, dad?
137
00:07:17,501 --> 00:07:18,334
This is college.
138
00:07:18,335 --> 00:07:19,937
You can say "shit" here.
139
00:07:19,938 --> 00:07:20,837
That's right, Ted.
140
00:07:20,838 --> 00:07:25,175
Some of our professors use the
word "shit" in their lectures.
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00:07:25,176 --> 00:07:27,315
Well, they shouldn't.
142
00:07:30,215 --> 00:07:32,182
You're right...
they shouldn't.
143
00:07:32,183 --> 00:07:34,218
I'll look into that.
144
00:07:34,219 --> 00:07:37,587
Enough said.
145
00:07:37,588 --> 00:07:39,589
I just think you should
loosen up a little bit, dad.
146
00:07:39,590 --> 00:07:40,991
It's just...
it's the language.
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00:07:40,992 --> 00:07:43,226
I know, but it's college, dad...
college.
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00:07:43,227 --> 00:07:44,161
Uh.
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00:07:44,162 --> 00:07:44,827
Fred!
150
00:07:44,828 --> 00:07:46,697
Hey, hey, Chris.
151
00:07:46,698 --> 00:07:48,098
Hey, hey!
152
00:07:48,099 --> 00:07:48,699
Hi.
153
00:07:48,700 --> 00:07:49,433
Hi!
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00:07:49,434 --> 00:07:50,567
Beautiful.
155
00:07:50,568 --> 00:07:51,902
Hey, I like your hair.
156
00:07:51,903 --> 00:07:52,870
I cut it.
157
00:07:52,871 --> 00:07:53,771
Yeah, it looks good.
158
00:07:53,772 --> 00:07:55,139
Not good enough.
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00:07:55,140 --> 00:07:56,139
Uh, Mr. Keller.
160
00:07:56,140 --> 00:07:57,408
Fred, please.
161
00:07:57,409 --> 00:07:58,942
Sorry... Ted.
162
00:07:58,943 --> 00:08:02,546
Uh, guys, uh, this is Chris
and her father, Ted.
163
00:08:02,547 --> 00:08:04,380
Uh, these are my
fraternity brothers.
164
00:08:04,381 --> 00:08:05,815
This is Jared.
Boom.
165
00:08:05,816 --> 00:08:07,317
- And this is Kyle...
- Hey.
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00:08:07,318 --> 00:08:07,950
Knuckles.
167
00:08:07,951 --> 00:08:08,685
And Tom.
168
00:08:08,686 --> 00:08:09,887
Hey.
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00:08:09,888 --> 00:08:12,389
Wow. Great to meet
you guys, really.
170
00:08:12,390 --> 00:08:15,024
Uh, I got to go, honey, so...
Okay. Mwah!
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00:08:15,025 --> 00:08:15,993
Mwah!
Mm!
172
00:08:15,994 --> 00:08:17,861
Fred, take care of
my little girl, okay?
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00:08:17,862 --> 00:08:18,861
I will do her.
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00:08:18,862 --> 00:08:21,031
Uh, I'll... I-I-I will do it.
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00:08:21,032 --> 00:08:23,332
I'll take... I'll
take care of her.
176
00:08:23,333 --> 00:08:25,769
So, Chris, are you
pledging with anyone?
177
00:08:25,770 --> 00:08:27,738
Yeah, with, uh, kappa omicron.
178
00:08:27,739 --> 00:08:30,106
Kappa O’s are the biggest hos!
179
00:08:30,107 --> 00:08:31,140
Unh!
180
00:08:31,141 --> 00:08:32,409
Unh!
181
00:08:32,410 --> 00:08:34,277
Well, which ones are
you guys in, again?
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00:08:34,278 --> 00:08:35,445
We're STDs.
183
00:08:35,446 --> 00:08:37,647
STDs, gonna give you the disease.
184
00:08:37,648 --> 00:08:39,616
We're sigma tau delta.
185
00:08:39,617 --> 00:08:43,954
Hey, it's the great one.
186
00:08:43,955 --> 00:08:45,488
Why does he have an umbrella?
187
00:08:45,489 --> 00:08:48,092
He's got a skin disease,
and he's cool as shit.
188
00:08:48,093 --> 00:08:49,325
That's Dr. Gretzky.
189
00:08:49,326 --> 00:08:50,694
Oh, that's him?
190
00:08:50,695 --> 00:08:51,962
Yeah, he teaches history.
191
00:08:51,963 --> 00:08:55,031
Remember, I tried to get
you to take that class?
192
00:08:55,032 --> 00:08:56,599
Yeah.
193
00:08:56,600 --> 00:08:57,166
Yeah, yeah.
194
00:08:57,167 --> 00:08:58,735
I-I mean, I guess I'll add it.
195
00:08:58,736 --> 00:09:00,403
Yeah, my advisor said
everybody loves him.
196
00:09:00,404 --> 00:09:01,537
He's awesome.
197
00:09:01,538 --> 00:09:03,206
Your advisor talked about him?
198
00:09:03,207 --> 00:09:05,843
Yeah, you know, he walked into
my advisor's office, and he
199
00:09:05,844 --> 00:09:07,710
goes, "speak of the vampire."
200
00:09:07,711 --> 00:09:12,811
"Speak of the vampire"?
201
00:09:15,253 --> 00:09:16,786
This is history 205.
202
00:09:16,787 --> 00:09:19,156
I'm your Professor, Dr. Gretzky.
203
00:09:19,157 --> 00:09:21,992
Who's here to add the class?
204
00:09:21,993 --> 00:09:23,459
I must be popular.
205
00:09:23,460 --> 00:09:26,997
Professor Gretzky, I'm sure you
get this all the time, but
206
00:09:26,998 --> 00:09:29,967
were you named after
Wayne Gretzky?
207
00:09:29,968 --> 00:09:33,369
I was named Wayne Gretzky
long before Wayne Gretzky was
208
00:09:33,370 --> 00:09:34,304
named Wayne Gretzky.
209
00:09:34,305 --> 00:09:36,172
I'm pretty sure
he's older than you.
210
00:09:36,173 --> 00:09:38,441
He's like 50.
211
00:09:38,442 --> 00:09:40,143
I'm not named after him.
212
00:09:40,144 --> 00:09:41,778
He wishes.
213
00:09:41,779 --> 00:09:45,081
Wayne Gretzky wasn't even
in the NHL when I was born.
214
00:09:45,082 --> 00:09:48,786
Hasn't anyone ever heard
of a coincidence?!
215
00:09:48,787 --> 00:09:49,820
It's okay, Tom.
216
00:09:49,821 --> 00:09:50,954
Sorry, Dr. G.
217
00:09:50,955 --> 00:09:52,156
It's all right.
218
00:09:52,157 --> 00:09:56,225
We're going to cover
coincidences in history.
219
00:09:56,226 --> 00:09:58,195
You know, you really upset
your daughter today.
220
00:09:58,196 --> 00:10:01,565
I'm not gonna change my beliefs just
because it's her first day of college.
221
00:10:01,566 --> 00:10:03,767
You know, I've been meaning
to ask you about that.
222
00:10:03,768 --> 00:10:08,238
You know Ron from whole foods...
well, he grew up Amish, and he
223
00:10:08,239 --> 00:10:10,406
said the Amish have no problem
with being out in the sun.
224
00:10:10,407 --> 00:10:11,874
And he has mirrors in his house.
225
00:10:11,875 --> 00:10:14,911
Yeah, well, we don't
like being photographed.
226
00:10:14,912 --> 00:10:15,945
You go to mass.
227
00:10:15,946 --> 00:10:17,647
My mother was catholic.
228
00:10:17,648 --> 00:10:20,651
Mary, I don't
believe you're Amish.
229
00:10:20,652 --> 00:10:23,453
I gave up believing
that years ago.
230
00:10:23,454 --> 00:10:25,689
Well, what do you think I am?
231
00:10:25,690 --> 00:10:28,358
I don't care.
232
00:10:28,359 --> 00:10:31,261
I always just wrote it off as
slight neuroses... might be
233
00:10:31,262 --> 00:10:34,230
easier just to let it slide.
234
00:10:34,231 --> 00:10:35,165
You know what?
235
00:10:35,166 --> 00:10:38,234
If you're not careful, you're gonna lose
your relationship with your daughter.
236
00:10:38,235 --> 00:10:42,705
Ted, there are things about
me that I just can't change
237
00:10:42,706 --> 00:10:45,408
and that I don't
like to talk about.
238
00:10:45,409 --> 00:10:47,310
I would think you
should understand that.
239
00:10:47,311 --> 00:10:48,744
What's that supposed to mean?
240
00:10:48,745 --> 00:10:52,114
When was the last time you
wanted to make love to me?
241
00:10:52,115 --> 00:10:53,916
That's not fair.
242
00:10:53,917 --> 00:10:55,319
Don't worry.
243
00:10:55,320 --> 00:10:58,689
I just chalk it up
to slight neuroses.
244
00:10:58,690 --> 00:11:02,225
So, he cuts the guy's arm
off, but he doesn't beat him
245
00:11:02,226 --> 00:11:06,930
with it... he slaps him
with his own hand.
246
00:11:06,931 --> 00:11:09,465
Genghis really did have a
wonderful sense of humor.
247
00:11:09,466 --> 00:11:11,969
I mean, he would... he actually
would laugh the most during the
248
00:11:11,970 --> 00:11:13,804
physical act of love.
249
00:11:13,805 --> 00:11:18,307
I remember one time when I was...
when somebody wrote down,
250
00:11:18,308 --> 00:11:23,213
um, that he was entertaining a woman
with a leg-length discrepancy.
251
00:11:23,214 --> 00:11:26,983
As he pulled the boot off the short
leg, he just starts to laugh.
252
00:11:26,984 --> 00:11:29,652
All the men in the neighboring
caves start to laugh.
253
00:11:29,653 --> 00:11:33,022
When we all look... they all
look up, and they see Genghis
254
00:11:33,023 --> 00:11:35,057
wearing the short-leg boot.
255
00:11:35,058 --> 00:11:36,058
"Unh."
256
00:11:38,562 --> 00:11:41,064
Oh, man, I miss him.
257
00:11:41,065 --> 00:11:44,401
I mean, uh, you know, I miss...
I miss reading about him.
258
00:11:44,402 --> 00:11:47,738
Well, can't you
still read about him?
259
00:11:47,739 --> 00:11:49,105
Um, yeah.
260
00:11:49,106 --> 00:11:50,440
Yeah, I could... could.
261
00:11:50,441 --> 00:11:53,277
But, um, it... it
wouldn't be the same.
262
00:11:53,278 --> 00:11:54,744
It wouldn't be as fun.
263
00:11:54,745 --> 00:11:56,847
As fun as what?
264
00:11:56,848 --> 00:12:00,017
Is this going to be on a test?
265
00:12:00,018 --> 00:12:03,520
Yes, everything I say is
gonna be on the test.
266
00:12:03,521 --> 00:12:04,320
I'm kidding.
267
00:12:04,321 --> 00:12:05,955
It's not gonna be on the test.
268
00:12:05,956 --> 00:12:07,891
But it's history.
269
00:12:07,892 --> 00:12:12,992
That's right, Tom
...It's history.
270
00:12:12,997 --> 00:12:18,097
I meant to tell you... I, um, I
really enjoyed your paper last
271
00:12:18,670 --> 00:12:22,839
semester about, uh,
impotence among murderers.
272
00:12:22,840 --> 00:12:23,507
Thank you.
273
00:12:23,508 --> 00:12:24,608
Oh, yeah, yeah.
274
00:12:24,609 --> 00:12:27,377
I actually learned a lot.
275
00:12:27,378 --> 00:12:29,012
You did?
276
00:12:29,013 --> 00:12:34,113
Well, not about
myself, of course.
277
00:12:34,518 --> 00:12:36,320
I-I'll see you Tuesday.
Sure.
278
00:12:36,321 --> 00:12:37,286
Okay. Bye.
279
00:12:37,287 --> 00:12:37,787
Bye.
280
00:12:37,788 --> 00:12:38,588
Hi.
281
00:12:38,589 --> 00:12:39,589
Hi.
282
00:12:42,192 --> 00:12:43,560
"Speak of the vampire"?
283
00:12:43,561 --> 00:12:44,328
I apologize.
284
00:12:44,329 --> 00:12:45,195
I was flustered.
285
00:12:45,196 --> 00:12:46,662
I had just insulted a student.
286
00:12:46,663 --> 00:12:47,998
I said what came to my mind.
287
00:12:47,999 --> 00:12:50,032
What happened to
doctor/patient privilege?
288
00:12:50,033 --> 00:12:53,804
I know, but, come on, like
anyone would ever believe it.
289
00:12:53,805 --> 00:12:55,071
We'll talk about this later.
290
00:12:55,072 --> 00:12:56,039
I got to get to class.
291
00:12:56,040 --> 00:12:57,974
How fast can you run the 40?
292
00:12:57,975 --> 00:12:59,108
What are you talking about?
293
00:12:59,109 --> 00:13:03,714
If I were a vampire,
I'd be in the NFL.
294
00:13:03,715 --> 00:13:08,651
You'd make a hell
of a free safety.
295
00:13:10,321 --> 00:13:12,723
I can't believe Lorianne wants
to do a blood drive again.
296
00:13:12,724 --> 00:13:16,225
I mean, I want to do something
different, like maybe a plasma drive.
297
00:13:16,226 --> 00:13:17,426
Well, what's a plasma drive?
298
00:13:17,427 --> 00:13:19,729
Chris, you are like the
coolest bitch I know.
299
00:13:19,730 --> 00:13:23,333
I mean, you are not
afraid to ask questions.
300
00:13:23,334 --> 00:13:24,284
Hey, Fred.
301
00:13:24,285 --> 00:13:25,167
Hey, Chris.
302
00:13:25,168 --> 00:13:30,268
Hey, have you met the...
Oh, hey, you guys, look...
303
00:13:32,243 --> 00:13:35,978
it's the great one.
304
00:13:58,101 --> 00:14:00,280
What was that about?
305
00:14:14,985 --> 00:14:16,085
I couldn't control it.
306
00:14:16,086 --> 00:14:17,787
I mean, it was the
same way with Mary.
307
00:14:17,788 --> 00:14:20,323
I could control myself during the
day, but as soon as that sun
308
00:14:20,324 --> 00:14:22,191
- went down...
- Then all bets were off.
309
00:14:22,192 --> 00:14:23,192
Ohh.
310
00:14:23,393 --> 00:14:27,164
300 years of limp teeth and a
couple of sessions with me...
311
00:14:27,165 --> 00:14:29,900
Well, you're not cured,
but, hey, come on.
312
00:14:29,901 --> 00:14:30,733
I mean, w-who is she?
313
00:14:30,734 --> 00:14:33,203
I'll tell you who she is...
she is your vampire Viagra.
314
00:14:33,204 --> 00:14:33,869
She is?
315
00:14:33,870 --> 00:14:38,441
And I am your four-hour
erection, baby...
316
00:14:38,442 --> 00:14:42,179
You know, until we get, uh,
you vamping out on your own.
317
00:14:42,180 --> 00:14:43,914
I mean, it w-wasn't
a full vamp out.
318
00:14:43,915 --> 00:14:46,016
I mean, my teeth just barely
are starting to tingle.
319
00:14:46,017 --> 00:14:47,050
Oh, tingle, schmingle.
320
00:14:47,051 --> 00:14:49,552
I mean, if you would have stayed
around here a while longer, you
321
00:14:49,553 --> 00:14:52,589
would have had this whole
school scared shitless.
322
00:14:52,590 --> 00:14:54,791
Oh, man, she
looked just like her.
323
00:14:54,792 --> 00:14:56,392
Doesn't surprise me.
324
00:14:56,393 --> 00:14:57,094
Really?
325
00:14:57,095 --> 00:15:00,030
Yeah, there... there are only so
many available faces in this world.
326
00:15:00,031 --> 00:15:02,199
You were bound into
run into hers again.
327
00:15:02,200 --> 00:15:06,002
I once treated a young woman who
was the spitting image of my
328
00:15:06,003 --> 00:15:09,473
second wife... I mean,
it was head to toe.
329
00:15:09,474 --> 00:15:14,574
It... Almost cost
me my APA license.
330
00:15:16,047 --> 00:15:21,147
But... She was worth it, and
so is this juicy peach.
331
00:15:27,758 --> 00:15:30,160
Oh, it's weird not seeing
you and Tom together.
332
00:15:30,161 --> 00:15:33,662
Oh, yeah, well, he has barbershop
at night, so didn't work out.
333
00:15:33,663 --> 00:15:34,564
That's too bad.
334
00:15:34,565 --> 00:15:35,565
Yeah.
335
00:15:35,966 --> 00:15:40,469
Hey, uh, I wanted to ask you...
when you came in the building, I
336
00:15:40,470 --> 00:15:42,439
thought you... you fell down.
337
00:15:42,440 --> 00:15:47,540
Oh, yeah, that... that was,
um, like a hundred bees.
338
00:15:50,748 --> 00:15:52,114
Oh.
339
00:15:52,115 --> 00:15:54,718
Okay, well, I'm glad
you're all right.
340
00:15:54,719 --> 00:15:59,819
I mean, you seemed pretty panicked, so...
I just hate bees.
341
00:16:01,725 --> 00:16:04,594
Hey.
342
00:16:04,595 --> 00:16:05,628
Professor Gretzky?
343
00:16:05,629 --> 00:16:07,464
Yes.
344
00:16:07,465 --> 00:16:09,266
Who are you?
345
00:16:09,267 --> 00:16:10,599
I'm Chris Keller.
346
00:16:10,600 --> 00:16:13,536
Um, I'm not on your roll,
but I was wondering...
347
00:16:13,537 --> 00:16:17,239
Mm, yes, you want to clad my ass.
348
00:16:17,240 --> 00:16:19,910
You want to, um, add my class.
349
00:16:19,911 --> 00:16:20,609
Uh, yeah.
350
00:16:20,610 --> 00:16:21,844
Would that be all right?
351
00:16:21,845 --> 00:16:23,680
Yes, of course.
352
00:16:23,681 --> 00:16:26,516
I was, uh... Mnh.
353
00:16:26,517 --> 00:16:27,517
Excuse me.
354
00:16:28,686 --> 00:16:33,786
Um, I just found out
that my mother died.
355
00:16:34,024 --> 00:16:35,024
Um.
356
00:16:35,526 --> 00:16:38,794
Class dismissed.
357
00:16:49,806 --> 00:16:53,575
Oh. Ah.
358
00:16:56,047 --> 00:16:57,580
Poor guy's hysterical.
359
00:16:57,581 --> 00:16:59,349
Yeah.
360
00:17:13,798 --> 00:17:14,798
Dr. G.
361
00:17:20,004 --> 00:17:21,004
What?
362
00:17:21,606 --> 00:17:22,606
What?
363
00:17:23,975 --> 00:17:24,975
Whoa.
364
00:17:25,042 --> 00:17:26,909
Your breath is hot.
365
00:17:26,910 --> 00:17:27,910
Oh! Oh!
366
00:17:29,714 --> 00:17:31,982
You're gay.
367
00:17:31,983 --> 00:17:33,282
Gay?
368
00:17:33,283 --> 00:17:34,283
Oh! Aah.
369
00:17:35,186 --> 00:17:36,186
Ugh.
370
00:17:57,742 --> 00:18:02,842
♪ I've seen the light in my dark,
sitting alone in the park ♪
371
00:18:03,347 --> 00:18:06,416
♪ the stillness of the breeze... ♪
372
00:18:06,417 --> 00:18:07,469
Poor Barry.
373
00:18:08,285 --> 00:18:12,922
Poor big, gay Barry.
374
00:18:12,923 --> 00:18:13,923
Hey!
375
00:18:14,225 --> 00:18:17,159
Got one for you!
376
00:18:17,160 --> 00:18:22,260
♪ ...'cause you're much
more important than them ♪
377
00:18:27,237 --> 00:18:30,307
So, yeah, I think once she
gets into her classes, like,
378
00:18:30,308 --> 00:18:32,108
she'll have more time to
focus on other stuff.
379
00:18:32,109 --> 00:18:34,810
Like, I really hope she
gets into Dr. G’s class.
380
00:18:34,811 --> 00:18:37,946
- I think...
- Speak of the vampire!
381
00:18:37,947 --> 00:18:39,948
Hey, Chris told us
what Dr. Levine said.
382
00:18:39,949 --> 00:18:40,416
Oh.
383
00:18:40,417 --> 00:18:42,185
What a d-bag.
384
00:18:42,186 --> 00:18:43,419
Yeah, isn't he?
385
00:18:43,420 --> 00:18:45,922
No, he's cool, though...
And shit.
386
00:18:45,923 --> 00:18:46,856
Whoa, Dr. G.
387
00:18:46,857 --> 00:18:48,224
I didn't know you cussed.
388
00:18:48,225 --> 00:18:49,993
Well, you know, I don't usually.
389
00:18:49,994 --> 00:18:52,028
It sounded really good.
390
00:18:52,029 --> 00:18:53,762
Hey, uh, are you
...Are you okay?
391
00:18:53,763 --> 00:18:54,263
Oh, yeah.
392
00:18:54,264 --> 00:18:55,130
What do you mean?
393
00:18:55,131 --> 00:18:57,133
Oh, I mean your mom
...She passed away.
394
00:18:57,134 --> 00:18:57,966
Oh, yeah.
395
00:18:57,967 --> 00:18:59,402
Pfft, no biggie.
396
00:18:59,403 --> 00:19:02,304
I mean, well, she's been dead for years...
well, she's been
397
00:19:02,305 --> 00:19:06,309
dying for years, so I was ready.
398
00:19:06,310 --> 00:19:08,778
You just seemed really upset
when you went out of class.
399
00:19:08,779 --> 00:19:13,879
Yeah. I didn't want them
to harvest her organs.
400
00:19:14,217 --> 00:19:17,387
Hey, uh, my friend Chris... she
really wants to add your class.
401
00:19:17,388 --> 00:19:18,221
Chris Keller?
402
00:19:18,222 --> 00:19:18,887
Yeah, yeah.
403
00:19:18,888 --> 00:19:20,156
Uh, she's... she's smart.
404
00:19:20,157 --> 00:19:21,624
She's... well, not book-smart.
405
00:19:21,625 --> 00:19:22,192
She's nice.
406
00:19:22,193 --> 00:19:24,993
She's... I think you're really,
really gonna like her... and not
407
00:19:24,994 --> 00:19:27,931
in a sexual way,
just a normal way.
408
00:19:27,932 --> 00:19:29,232
Yes.
409
00:19:29,233 --> 00:19:30,300
Yes. No.
410
00:19:30,301 --> 00:19:34,604
No sexy sex.
411
00:19:34,605 --> 00:19:39,705
Ah. So, I'm gonna go prepare...
prepare for my students...
412
00:19:41,445 --> 00:19:44,280
not in a sexual
way... for class.
413
00:19:44,281 --> 00:19:46,383
So... I'm gonna go.
414
00:19:46,384 --> 00:19:51,484
I will see you two later...
Sexually.
415
00:19:53,157 --> 00:19:56,557
No sexy sex!
416
00:19:58,294 --> 00:20:03,394
♪ Barry, when I accidentally
killed you that night ♪
417
00:20:05,034 --> 00:20:08,303
♪ I wasn't quite myself ♪
418
00:20:08,304 --> 00:20:09,505
♪ I wasn't quite... ♪
419
00:20:09,506 --> 00:20:10,506
Come in.
420
00:20:19,582 --> 00:20:20,582
Hello?
421
00:20:20,850 --> 00:20:21,751
Wayne!
422
00:20:21,752 --> 00:20:24,553
Aah! Oh!
423
00:20:24,554 --> 00:20:25,655
You got me.
424
00:20:25,656 --> 00:20:26,556
I'm... I'm sorry.
425
00:20:26,557 --> 00:20:27,322
I'm so sorry.
426
00:20:27,323 --> 00:20:31,593
I-I meant to, um... well, I
meant to say "ta-da" when I-I
427
00:20:31,594 --> 00:20:34,062
jumped into the room, but
I-I said your name instead.
428
00:20:34,063 --> 00:20:35,298
Oh.
429
00:20:35,299 --> 00:20:35,831
Yeah.
430
00:20:35,832 --> 00:20:39,171
Hey, too bad my
name's not "ta-da."
431
00:20:41,071 --> 00:20:46,171
Yeah. Actually, well, I guess
you'd better be on your way.
432
00:20:46,276 --> 00:20:49,279
I mean, you know, well, after...
after a quick, brief, but
433
00:20:49,280 --> 00:20:51,814
enjoyable minute or two.
434
00:20:51,815 --> 00:20:53,249
And then... I'm sorry.
435
00:20:53,250 --> 00:20:58,350
I don't mean to be rude, but I
have to, uh, prepare for class.
436
00:21:00,523 --> 00:21:05,462
My God, you're beautiful...
Today, just as ever.
437
00:21:05,463 --> 00:21:06,463
What?
438
00:21:07,164 --> 00:21:10,700
Um. Brain fart!
439
00:21:10,701 --> 00:21:12,135
No, but what did you say?
440
00:21:12,136 --> 00:21:15,038
I said, "brain fart!"
441
00:21:15,039 --> 00:21:16,039
No.
442
00:21:16,740 --> 00:21:17,974
Before that.
443
00:21:17,975 --> 00:21:23,075
Um... I don't think
I said anything.
444
00:21:25,916 --> 00:21:26,916
Mm.
445
00:21:26,951 --> 00:21:31,420
Oh, um, I-I grabbed it for you
after you ran out of class.
446
00:21:31,421 --> 00:21:33,490
I cleaned it.
447
00:21:33,491 --> 00:21:36,291
That's, um, that's pretty
sad about your mom.
448
00:21:36,292 --> 00:21:38,828
Yeah. Yeah, yeah.
449
00:21:38,829 --> 00:21:43,066
That whole thing...
that was pretty bad.
450
00:21:43,067 --> 00:21:48,167
But, um... Oh! Ohh!
451
00:21:48,872 --> 00:21:49,906
There we go!
452
00:21:49,907 --> 00:21:50,907
Wayne.
453
00:21:51,242 --> 00:21:52,207
Wayne, are you okay?
454
00:21:52,208 --> 00:21:54,511
No. I just peed my pants!
455
00:21:54,512 --> 00:21:55,177
You what?
456
00:21:55,178 --> 00:21:56,412
Get out!
457
00:21:56,413 --> 00:21:57,579
Okay.
458
00:21:57,580 --> 00:21:59,147
Come back tomorrow.
459
00:21:59,148 --> 00:22:00,049
Yeah, yeah.
460
00:22:00,050 --> 00:22:01,216
Um, what time?
461
00:22:01,217 --> 00:22:06,317
The morning...
morning's a good time.
462
00:22:12,996 --> 00:22:15,130
Oh, it's gorgeous.
463
00:22:15,131 --> 00:22:17,266
So, who's your first victim?
464
00:22:17,267 --> 00:22:18,568
I don't know.
465
00:22:18,569 --> 00:22:21,404
Fred's girl's been vibing
me pretty hard, eh?
466
00:22:21,405 --> 00:22:23,438
Dude, don't be a jerk.
467
00:22:23,439 --> 00:22:25,308
Well, quit
puppy-guarding her, dude.
468
00:22:25,309 --> 00:22:26,576
Make a move or move on.
469
00:22:26,577 --> 00:22:27,944
Dude, I've had like two days.
470
00:22:27,945 --> 00:22:28,744
Give me a break.
471
00:22:28,745 --> 00:22:32,447
All I'm saying is she wants
me, and you're being selfish.
472
00:22:32,448 --> 00:22:34,783
I mean, honestly, what do you
think she'd rather look at,
473
00:22:34,784 --> 00:22:37,520
boys... my naked butt cheeks or
474
00:22:37,521 --> 00:22:40,756
Tom's saggy ass falling
out the top bunk?
475
00:22:40,757 --> 00:22:43,725
Neither! You big dick.
476
00:22:43,726 --> 00:22:44,726
Hey, come on.
477
00:22:46,397 --> 00:22:47,397
Pass.
478
00:22:53,670 --> 00:22:55,304
King me again, sluts.
479
00:22:55,305 --> 00:22:56,305
Ohh!
480
00:22:56,506 --> 00:22:58,273
She always does that.
481
00:22:58,274 --> 00:23:00,175
♪ Your red, red, red eyes ♪
482
00:23:00,176 --> 00:23:02,744
Scum, door... Now.
483
00:23:02,745 --> 00:23:07,783
♪ We could just have
spread them lies ♪
484
00:23:07,784 --> 00:23:08,618
Hey.
485
00:23:08,619 --> 00:23:10,086
I brought you some drinks.
486
00:23:10,087 --> 00:23:10,954
Is that alcohol?
487
00:23:10,955 --> 00:23:13,656
No, energy drinks.
488
00:23:13,657 --> 00:23:15,958
Excuse me, guys.
489
00:23:15,959 --> 00:23:18,360
♪ Over land and sea ♪
490
00:23:18,361 --> 00:23:19,361
♪ don't let them fool you ♪
491
00:23:19,362 --> 00:23:20,597
Did she say that was her mom?
492
00:23:20,598 --> 00:23:22,665
Um, I know... more
like her twin sister.
493
00:23:22,666 --> 00:23:24,200
She is wicked hot.
494
00:23:24,201 --> 00:23:25,201
Bing!
495
00:23:25,636 --> 00:23:27,035
It's 2:00 A.M.
496
00:23:27,036 --> 00:23:28,870
Yeah, I-I wanted
to surprise you.
497
00:23:28,871 --> 00:23:31,707
How? By showing all my
friends how weird you are?
498
00:23:31,708 --> 00:23:33,309
Well, I-I couldn't sleep.
499
00:23:33,310 --> 00:23:34,877
Yeah, well, you never can.
500
00:23:34,878 --> 00:23:36,145
I hate all your Amish shit.
501
00:23:36,146 --> 00:23:38,681
Sometimes, people's Amish
shit isn't what you think.
502
00:23:38,682 --> 00:23:41,117
If being Amish is so
important to you, then why
503
00:23:41,118 --> 00:23:43,252
didn't you raise me Amish?
504
00:23:43,253 --> 00:23:47,991
I always wanted to teach you
about our ways, but it just...
505
00:23:47,992 --> 00:23:50,092
I-I didn't know how.
506
00:23:50,093 --> 00:23:51,426
You know, maybe I still can.
507
00:23:51,427 --> 00:23:52,427
No.
508
00:23:53,397 --> 00:23:55,031
No, you can't.
509
00:23:55,032 --> 00:23:56,965
I'm 19. It's too late.
510
00:23:56,966 --> 00:23:59,368
I don't care anymore.
511
00:23:59,369 --> 00:24:02,905
Thanks for the drinks.
512
00:24:02,906 --> 00:24:04,915
Yeah.
513
00:24:16,253 --> 00:24:18,021
We got monster, bitches!
514
00:24:18,022 --> 00:24:19,022
Yeah!
515
00:24:19,089 --> 00:24:20,089
Whoo!
516
00:24:20,090 --> 00:24:21,090
Whoo!
517
00:24:23,394 --> 00:24:25,028
Hey, Tom.
518
00:24:25,029 --> 00:24:26,029
Yeah?
519
00:24:26,163 --> 00:24:29,232
Do you really think kappa
O’s are the biggest hos?
520
00:24:29,233 --> 00:24:32,068
Ever seen that clip on YouTube?
521
00:24:32,069 --> 00:24:33,069
Yeah.
522
00:24:34,071 --> 00:24:37,244
I don't know why she
pledged with them.
523
00:24:43,546 --> 00:24:45,281
Hi, honey.
524
00:24:45,282 --> 00:24:46,249
Cute shoes.
525
00:24:46,250 --> 00:24:48,650
Did you make it
down to see Chris?
526
00:24:48,651 --> 00:24:51,119
Yeah, yeah, I did.
527
00:24:51,120 --> 00:24:52,621
How'd that go?
528
00:24:52,622 --> 00:24:54,122
Stupid.
529
00:24:54,123 --> 00:24:55,224
Honey.
530
00:24:55,225 --> 00:24:56,993
You have a rapport with her, Ted.
531
00:24:56,994 --> 00:24:58,160
She hates my guts.
532
00:24:58,161 --> 00:24:59,896
Why don't you sue me about it?
533
00:24:59,897 --> 00:25:00,897
Hey.
534
00:25:05,002 --> 00:25:10,102
Don't you wish you could
just turn back the clock?
535
00:25:11,140 --> 00:25:12,708
How far?
536
00:25:12,709 --> 00:25:15,017
Really far.
537
00:25:39,336 --> 00:25:40,136
Yes?
538
00:25:40,137 --> 00:25:42,437
Professor Gretzky?
539
00:25:42,438 --> 00:25:43,438
Uh.
540
00:25:44,507 --> 00:25:45,541
Yes, he is I.
541
00:25:45,542 --> 00:25:46,309
It... come in.
542
00:25:46,310 --> 00:25:47,310
Come on in.
543
00:25:51,348 --> 00:25:53,816
Whoa. What are you doing here?
544
00:25:53,817 --> 00:25:58,553
Oh, I-I thought that message
meant you wanted me to come.
545
00:25:58,554 --> 00:25:59,554
It is.
546
00:26:03,292 --> 00:26:05,861
What can I do for you?
547
00:26:05,862 --> 00:26:06,862
Ah, yes.
548
00:26:11,601 --> 00:26:16,339
The old "add" slip, the infamous...
from before.
549
00:26:16,340 --> 00:26:17,340
Yes.
550
00:26:20,377 --> 00:26:23,612
The "add" slip.
551
00:26:23,613 --> 00:26:28,251
Well, actually, Chris, the night
class is full right now, but
552
00:26:28,252 --> 00:26:30,887
there is an opening
in the morning class.
553
00:26:30,888 --> 00:26:32,821
Oh, the... the 10:30 one?
554
00:26:32,822 --> 00:26:33,822
Yes, yes.
555
00:26:34,057 --> 00:26:39,157
Um, it seems that Barry Pearson
was in that class, and now he is
556
00:26:39,996 --> 00:26:41,397
a missing person.
557
00:26:41,398 --> 00:26:43,800
Yeah, that's awful.
558
00:26:43,801 --> 00:26:44,801
Yeah, it is.
559
00:26:45,869 --> 00:26:50,639
But when God opens a
door, he opens a window.
560
00:26:50,640 --> 00:26:53,422
And now you can join that class.
561
00:27:06,322 --> 00:27:07,322
Oh.
562
00:27:07,523 --> 00:27:11,060
I-I-I hope I-I didn't
break any rules.
563
00:27:11,061 --> 00:27:12,061
Rules?
564
00:27:13,362 --> 00:27:16,698
I mean, who makes rules?
565
00:27:16,699 --> 00:27:17,699
I don't know.
566
00:27:20,536 --> 00:27:24,307
So, um... See you in class.
567
00:27:24,308 --> 00:27:26,576
Okay. I'll look for you.
568
00:27:26,577 --> 00:27:28,343
Deal.
569
00:27:28,344 --> 00:27:30,585
I'll be teaching.
570
00:27:44,160 --> 00:27:45,427
Pervert!
571
00:27:45,428 --> 00:27:47,463
It's for class!
572
00:27:47,464 --> 00:27:48,865
You pervert.
573
00:27:48,866 --> 00:27:52,301
Hey, hey. It's Chris.
574
00:27:52,302 --> 00:27:54,136
Dude, ask her to
the party already.
575
00:27:54,137 --> 00:27:55,905
Dude, don't you think
I'm gonna do that?
576
00:27:55,906 --> 00:27:57,439
Hey, guys, what's up?
577
00:27:57,440 --> 00:27:58,340
Hey, Chris. Hey.
578
00:27:58,341 --> 00:27:59,841
Uh, did you get into
Gretzky’s class?
579
00:27:59,842 --> 00:28:02,378
Yeah, I did, but that
night class was full.
580
00:28:02,379 --> 00:28:04,480
But, you know, I got
into the morning one.
581
00:28:04,481 --> 00:28:05,915
Sweet. That's my class.
582
00:28:05,916 --> 00:28:07,215
Hey, Fred Flintstone!
583
00:28:07,216 --> 00:28:08,050
Ow!
584
00:28:08,051 --> 00:28:10,218
You're supposed
to catch it, dude.
585
00:28:10,219 --> 00:28:11,087
You're such an ass.
586
00:28:11,088 --> 00:28:12,322
That really hurt.
587
00:28:12,323 --> 00:28:13,489
It was a love pass.
588
00:28:13,490 --> 00:28:16,559
Speaking of love,
Chris, you look lovely.
589
00:28:16,560 --> 00:28:20,529
Oh, and smelling so sweet.
590
00:28:20,530 --> 00:28:23,432
Mm!
591
00:28:23,433 --> 00:28:25,701
Well, it was good
to see you, Chris.
592
00:28:25,702 --> 00:28:29,972
I don't want to catch you two fags'
pudding in my bed again tonight.
593
00:28:29,973 --> 00:28:30,806
See you guys.
594
00:28:30,807 --> 00:28:32,308
Like he ever catches us.
595
00:28:32,309 --> 00:28:34,409
So, dude, when are you gonna
ask her to the party?
596
00:28:34,410 --> 00:28:36,579
What... what... what
are you talking about?
597
00:28:36,580 --> 00:28:40,049
Uh, Chris, "the most beautiful
girl I've ever seen."
598
00:28:40,050 --> 00:28:40,649
Dude.
599
00:28:40,650 --> 00:28:43,319
What are you guys talking about?
600
00:28:43,320 --> 00:28:45,988
Ah, chewing the fat.
601
00:28:46,055 --> 00:28:48,256
Just chewing the fat.
602
00:28:48,257 --> 00:28:49,692
Fred.
603
00:28:49,693 --> 00:28:51,493
You were gonna
invite me to a party?
604
00:28:51,494 --> 00:28:54,429
No. Unh-unh. No.
605
00:28:54,430 --> 00:28:58,233
Okay. Well, I-I got to go buy
some textbooks, but, uh, I
606
00:28:58,234 --> 00:28:59,702
will... I'll see you guys.
607
00:28:59,703 --> 00:29:00,802
See you in class.
608
00:29:00,803 --> 00:29:01,704
Bye.
609
00:29:01,705 --> 00:29:03,272
Dude, what the hell
was that about?
610
00:29:03,273 --> 00:29:05,875
I wanted to talk to you about
her, but for some reason, I got
611
00:29:05,876 --> 00:29:08,444
it in my mind when Jared and
Kyle left, I should just...
612
00:29:08,445 --> 00:29:11,446
Don't you think you should
have waited till she left?
613
00:29:11,447 --> 00:29:12,848
I'm so sorry, man.
614
00:29:12,849 --> 00:29:14,819
I'm as surprised as you are.
615
00:29:16,719 --> 00:29:20,589
Every person that entered
into that chamber unannounced
616
00:29:20,590 --> 00:29:25,427
was executed... Swiftly, by
either sword or crossbow.
617
00:29:25,428 --> 00:29:30,299
Luckily, for Guinevere, that fateful
evening, there was a full moon.
618
00:29:30,300 --> 00:29:33,135
So, you're Guinevere.
619
00:29:33,136 --> 00:29:36,938
As Lancelot lay sleeping naked...
let me just pop these off.
620
00:29:36,939 --> 00:29:37,740
Just kidding.
621
00:29:37,741 --> 00:29:40,141
I can only do that to you.
622
00:29:40,142 --> 00:29:45,214
As Lancelot lay sleeping naked,
he reached for a sword, and the
623
00:29:45,215 --> 00:29:50,185
moon shone down just at that
time, revealing her pale and
624
00:29:50,186 --> 00:29:52,487
only slightly blemished face.
625
00:29:52,488 --> 00:29:55,925
It was right then and there...
Lancelot knew he would risk
626
00:29:55,926 --> 00:29:58,994
everything... he'd risk his
power, his title, his rank...
627
00:29:58,995 --> 00:30:04,095
for that one forbidden evening,
very long and naughty evening
628
00:30:06,203 --> 00:30:08,169
with that ginger-haired
Bathsheba.
629
00:30:08,170 --> 00:30:09,170
Yes!
630
00:30:11,440 --> 00:30:14,877
I thought Camelot
was only a legend.
631
00:30:14,878 --> 00:30:18,347
Tom, you will learn in my class
that every legend begins with
632
00:30:18,348 --> 00:30:23,185
the truth and every real hero
must risk everything to get what
633
00:30:23,186 --> 00:30:24,619
he most desires.
634
00:30:24,620 --> 00:30:25,620
Yes!
635
00:30:29,192 --> 00:30:34,292
So... Ginger-haired
Bathsheba, seat.
636
00:30:34,865 --> 00:30:37,966
Naked Lancelot...
teacher, pants on.
637
00:30:37,967 --> 00:30:41,337
Lecture resumes.
638
00:30:41,338 --> 00:30:46,438
♪ Chris, you're like a poor
man's version of Mary ♪
639
00:30:48,078 --> 00:30:52,548
♪ since Mary's dead, I guess
I'll take what I can get ♪
640
00:30:52,549 --> 00:30:55,016
♪ can't have Mary
'cause she's dead ♪
641
00:30:55,017 --> 00:30:56,952
♪ but I'll take you, Chris ♪
642
00:30:56,953 --> 00:30:59,687
♪ you don't have
to know about... ♪
643
00:30:59,688 --> 00:31:01,956
Whoa!
644
00:31:01,957 --> 00:31:03,858
Trying to fix your guitar?
645
00:31:03,859 --> 00:31:04,859
Nope. Nope.
646
00:31:05,028 --> 00:31:09,197
I just broke this one, actually.
647
00:31:09,198 --> 00:31:12,301
You're not here to drop my class
after one lecture, are you?
648
00:31:12,302 --> 00:31:13,302
Oh, no.
649
00:31:13,669 --> 00:31:14,970
No, no, no, no.
650
00:31:14,971 --> 00:31:20,071
I... that lecture was... It really...
it really spoke to me.
651
00:31:22,745 --> 00:31:24,446
I can't stop thinking about it.
652
00:31:24,447 --> 00:31:29,547
Well, you know, what's funny is
that, um, it's really... it's
653
00:31:29,785 --> 00:31:31,686
really a misunderstood
love story.
654
00:31:31,687 --> 00:31:36,024
What people don't know about
king Arthur was that he really
655
00:31:36,025 --> 00:31:40,532
was sort of a, uh... Prick?
656
00:31:42,432 --> 00:31:43,999
Awesome, right?
657
00:31:44,000 --> 00:31:45,333
And some people would call that
658
00:31:45,334 --> 00:31:47,535
disgusting because of
the age difference.
659
00:31:47,536 --> 00:31:49,871
Although, if they knew the real
age difference, they'd be puking
660
00:31:49,872 --> 00:31:51,974
all over each other.
661
00:31:51,975 --> 00:31:54,476
I'm proud of Dr. G, though,
because there are only two
662
00:31:54,477 --> 00:31:57,312
people in this world who look
like Chris and her mom, and
663
00:31:57,313 --> 00:32:00,983
that's Chris and her mom, and
he had sex with both of them.
664
00:32:00,984 --> 00:32:06,084
Fred and I would just love to
rub up against them in a crowd.
665
00:32:06,188 --> 00:32:11,288
The only bad part about it
is what it did to Fred.
666
00:32:12,361 --> 00:32:14,533
Do it. Do it.
667
00:32:16,433 --> 00:32:17,433
Ohh!
668
00:32:18,400 --> 00:32:20,034
Hey, Freddie Prinze Jr.
669
00:32:20,035 --> 00:32:24,039
Hey, Jared from
subway commercials.
670
00:32:24,040 --> 00:32:24,540
Nice.
671
00:32:24,541 --> 00:32:25,241
Okay.
672
00:32:25,242 --> 00:32:29,345
Hey, how do you personally feel
about Chris tapping Dr. G,
673
00:32:29,346 --> 00:32:30,678
just out of curiosity?
674
00:32:30,679 --> 00:32:32,947
Not so bad, considering that's
the stupidest rumor I've
675
00:32:32,948 --> 00:32:34,750
ever heard in my entire life.
676
00:32:34,751 --> 00:32:36,284
Everybody knows they're doing it.
677
00:32:36,285 --> 00:32:38,454
Just because they're
always locked in his
678
00:32:38,455 --> 00:32:40,889
office does not mean
they're having sex.
679
00:32:40,890 --> 00:32:43,158
I mean, it might,
but... It doesn't.
680
00:32:43,159 --> 00:32:45,160
Dude, listen, we're just
trying to give you a heads-up.
681
00:32:45,161 --> 00:32:48,297
Yeah, so don't be surprised if
you see Chris' name in my book.
682
00:32:48,298 --> 00:32:48,931
Oh!
683
00:32:48,932 --> 00:32:54,032
His book of sexual conquest.
684
00:32:54,070 --> 00:32:56,004
She probably won't, Fred!
685
00:32:56,005 --> 00:32:59,508
You guys are jerks.
686
00:32:59,509 --> 00:33:01,577
Let's drink these.
687
00:33:01,578 --> 00:33:02,477
Come on, Chris.
688
00:33:02,478 --> 00:33:05,313
Everyone knows you're getting some.
Why don't you just admit it?
689
00:33:05,314 --> 00:33:10,218
Because it's none
of your business.
690
00:33:10,219 --> 00:33:12,655
You're, like, in his
office every day.
691
00:33:12,656 --> 00:33:15,657
- Yeah, talking about class...
- Mm-hmm.
692
00:33:15,658 --> 00:33:16,858
With our pants on.
693
00:33:16,859 --> 00:33:20,829
More like your
pants on each other.
694
00:33:20,830 --> 00:33:25,930
Like... like, you
guys swap them.
695
00:33:26,636 --> 00:33:29,405
I think we swapped pants.
696
00:33:29,406 --> 00:33:30,406
Huh. Oh.
697
00:33:31,207 --> 00:33:33,075
Sex is so crazy.
698
00:33:33,076 --> 00:33:36,278
Has its moments.
699
00:33:36,279 --> 00:33:40,883
I need you to take me
to the chiropractor.
700
00:33:40,884 --> 00:33:41,884
Yeah.
701
00:33:47,957 --> 00:33:51,226
When she was 12, she told her dad
she probably wanted to marry me.
702
00:33:51,227 --> 00:33:52,427
How do you know that?
703
00:33:52,428 --> 00:33:53,428
He told me.
704
00:33:54,030 --> 00:33:56,965
♪ Believe me ♪
705
00:33:56,966 --> 00:33:58,500
Speak of the vampire.
706
00:33:58,501 --> 00:33:59,368
Dr. G?
707
00:33:59,369 --> 00:34:01,669
Yeah. And he's with Chris.
708
00:34:01,670 --> 00:34:02,838
♪ Deceive me ♪
709
00:34:02,839 --> 00:34:03,472
Let me see.
710
00:34:03,473 --> 00:34:05,040
This is an expensive camera.
711
00:34:05,041 --> 00:34:06,774
♪ I know you did ♪
712
00:34:06,775 --> 00:34:09,778
Dude, they're
getting into his car.
713
00:34:09,779 --> 00:34:12,714
♪ I'm sorry ♪
714
00:34:12,715 --> 00:34:15,921
♪ we are all alone now ♪
715
00:34:17,821 --> 00:34:19,655
♪ together ♪
716
00:34:19,656 --> 00:34:23,057
Dude, Dr. G is
humping your breezy.
717
00:34:23,058 --> 00:34:25,693
She's not my breezy.
718
00:34:25,694 --> 00:34:28,196
She's nobody's breezy.
719
00:34:28,197 --> 00:34:31,466
Nothing's going on between them.
720
00:34:31,467 --> 00:34:34,035
It's just that they... they
got into the car together.
721
00:34:34,036 --> 00:34:37,205
She doesn't have sex every time
she gets into somebody's car.
722
00:34:37,206 --> 00:34:39,608
She's been in my car a lot.
723
00:34:39,609 --> 00:34:41,743
Dude, think about it.
724
00:34:41,744 --> 00:34:44,747
♪ Holding it down ♪
725
00:34:44,748 --> 00:34:49,584
Dr. G’s humping my breezy.
726
00:34:49,585 --> 00:34:54,685
♪ Never let me down
like this before ♪
727
00:34:55,792 --> 00:34:59,160
How long have you been
humping this breezy?
728
00:34:59,161 --> 00:35:03,164
A few days... well,
probably about five weeks.
729
00:35:03,165 --> 00:35:04,566
Am I just a schmuck to you?
730
00:35:04,567 --> 00:35:05,667
Why didn't you tell me?
731
00:35:05,668 --> 00:35:08,370
She's my student,
and she's a kid.
732
00:35:08,371 --> 00:35:11,173
And now you're vamping
out like it's 1399?
733
00:35:11,174 --> 00:35:12,341
Yeah, pretty much.
734
00:35:12,342 --> 00:35:14,510
Hey, could you
vamp out right now?
735
00:35:14,511 --> 00:35:19,611
I'm not gonna do
it in your office.
736
00:35:20,382 --> 00:35:24,653
Let me just throw this out there.
737
00:35:24,654 --> 00:35:29,754
Ohh. Besides Mary, um... How
many people have you killed?
738
00:35:32,261 --> 00:35:33,162
No one.
739
00:35:33,163 --> 00:35:34,963
I never asked you to
help me kill people.
740
00:35:34,964 --> 00:35:35,964
Oh, God.
741
00:35:36,933 --> 00:35:39,468
I am so happy to
hear you say that.
742
00:35:39,469 --> 00:35:41,937
I was sweating that
big-time, I'm telling you.
743
00:35:41,938 --> 00:35:43,939
That is a load off my mind.
744
00:35:43,940 --> 00:35:44,940
Wow! Okay.
745
00:35:47,444 --> 00:35:52,544
Except, you know, uh, but, then,
why did you want to vamp out in
746
00:35:53,616 --> 00:35:54,649
the first place?
747
00:35:54,650 --> 00:35:57,086
I thought it'd
make me feel better.
748
00:35:57,087 --> 00:35:59,287
I didn't think about the killing.
749
00:35:59,288 --> 00:36:01,823
Now, don't get me wrong... back
during the renaissance, I used
750
00:36:01,824 --> 00:36:04,026
to drain fools for walking funny.
751
00:36:04,027 --> 00:36:09,127
But, then, when I met Mary, then
she made me feel different.
752
00:36:09,498 --> 00:36:10,865
All right.
753
00:36:10,866 --> 00:36:12,234
You don't want to kill anyone.
754
00:36:12,235 --> 00:36:14,001
You don't want to
play in the NFL.
755
00:36:14,002 --> 00:36:15,003
So, what now?
756
00:36:15,004 --> 00:36:19,774
Well... well, we're just
trying to make me feel better?
757
00:36:19,775 --> 00:36:23,912
Well, at some point, you're just
gonna have to let her go, right?
758
00:36:23,913 --> 00:36:25,481
I mean, look at you.
759
00:36:25,482 --> 00:36:26,582
You're vamping out.
760
00:36:26,583 --> 00:36:29,852
You've got a girl that makes you feel
like you haven't felt in 300 years.
761
00:36:29,853 --> 00:36:30,785
That's all good.
762
00:36:30,786 --> 00:36:32,553
Do you know why I feel that way?
763
00:36:32,554 --> 00:36:35,724
Because when I'm with Chris, I
have these moments, these...
764
00:36:35,725 --> 00:36:39,628
these fleeting moments like
Mary's still alive, like I never
765
00:36:39,629 --> 00:36:40,629
killed her.
766
00:36:41,730 --> 00:36:45,367
Then the moment's gone,
and she's still dead.
767
00:36:45,368 --> 00:36:50,338
"I waked, she fled, and day
brought back my night."
768
00:36:50,339 --> 00:36:53,609
What am I doing with a
19-year-old Lolita?
769
00:36:53,610 --> 00:36:55,343
A lot less than I would.
770
00:36:55,344 --> 00:36:59,548
Listen, she's
brought you this far.
771
00:36:59,549 --> 00:37:01,421
Just give her a chance.
772
00:37:08,424 --> 00:37:10,691
Hey, stranger.
773
00:37:10,692 --> 00:37:12,593
Hey.
774
00:37:12,594 --> 00:37:13,595
It's been a while.
775
00:37:13,596 --> 00:37:14,596
Yeah.
776
00:37:15,364 --> 00:37:17,466
So much has happened lately.
777
00:37:17,467 --> 00:37:19,718
How does something
like that just happen?
778
00:37:19,969 --> 00:37:25,069
Well, like, one time, when I was
in his office, I-I took off
779
00:37:26,476 --> 00:37:29,745
my coat, and... I was
naked underneath.
780
00:37:29,746 --> 00:37:30,979
Why are you telling me this?
781
00:37:30,980 --> 00:37:35,450
Because you're like the only person
I can talk to about this stuff.
782
00:37:35,451 --> 00:37:38,620
Another time, we were in his
office, and we were, like, being
783
00:37:38,621 --> 00:37:40,555
intimate and stuff...
you were having sex.
784
00:37:40,556 --> 00:37:45,656
Yeah. Well, like, the whole time,
all I could think about was you.
785
00:37:48,464 --> 00:37:49,030
No, no.
786
00:37:49,031 --> 00:37:49,932
I mean, no, no.
787
00:37:49,933 --> 00:37:51,200
It's... it's not like that.
788
00:37:51,201 --> 00:37:53,167
I mean, I don't... I don't
think about you that way.
789
00:37:53,168 --> 00:37:55,704
I don't think about
you that way, either.
790
00:37:55,705 --> 00:37:58,106
That was just muscle memory.
791
00:37:58,107 --> 00:37:58,906
From what?
792
00:37:58,907 --> 00:37:59,907
Other stuff.
793
00:38:00,743 --> 00:38:01,743
Oh.
794
00:38:02,679 --> 00:38:05,948
Look... I just thought that...
795
00:38:05,949 --> 00:38:07,615
that college would be
different, you know?
796
00:38:07,616 --> 00:38:11,086
Like, we'd hang out and get wasted...
stuff like that.
797
00:38:11,087 --> 00:38:12,955
I could just be a student and
798
00:38:12,956 --> 00:38:18,056
not have crazy good sex
with my Professor.
799
00:38:18,728 --> 00:38:20,439
What do I do, Fred?
800
00:38:33,141 --> 00:38:38,241
You need to dump his ass... And
quick, before you change your mind.
801
00:38:40,782 --> 00:38:44,285
♪ Once I'm dead ♪
802
00:38:44,286 --> 00:38:45,954
♪ you can tell me everything ♪
803
00:38:45,955 --> 00:38:47,756
Dude, come here.
804
00:38:47,757 --> 00:38:48,757
What?
805
00:38:49,324 --> 00:38:51,126
Just come over here.
806
00:38:51,127 --> 00:38:53,861
Check this out.
807
00:38:53,862 --> 00:38:55,696
Oh. That's Chris.
808
00:38:55,697 --> 00:38:57,298
When she was with Dr. G.
809
00:38:57,299 --> 00:38:59,100
Yeah, thanks for
bringing that up.
810
00:38:59,101 --> 00:38:59,934
No, look.
811
00:38:59,935 --> 00:39:04,573
There's Chris, there's Dr. G’s
umbrella, and no Dr. G!
812
00:39:04,574 --> 00:39:05,640
Oh, my gosh.
813
00:39:05,641 --> 00:39:08,776
Tom, I know... now you can
Photoshop me in there and make
814
00:39:08,777 --> 00:39:10,012
me feel like a bigger idiot.
815
00:39:10,013 --> 00:39:12,481
Dude, I didn't Photoshop it.
816
00:39:12,482 --> 00:39:13,849
Whatever.
817
00:39:13,850 --> 00:39:17,218
I got a quiz on this, so if you can
keep it down, I'd appreciate it.
818
00:39:17,219 --> 00:39:18,653
There's the umbrella.
819
00:39:18,654 --> 00:39:19,588
There's Chris.
820
00:39:19,589 --> 00:39:20,789
Where's Dr. G?
821
00:39:20,790 --> 00:39:22,691
Dude, I am not that good.
822
00:39:22,692 --> 00:39:24,526
I'm not that good.
823
00:39:24,527 --> 00:39:27,229
Exhibit "C"... there's Chris,
824
00:39:27,230 --> 00:39:29,964
there's the umbrella,
and where's Dr. G?
825
00:39:29,965 --> 00:39:33,367
Why would Dr. G not show up?
826
00:39:33,368 --> 00:39:36,305
Shh!
827
00:39:36,306 --> 00:39:39,240
But your hair is a little bit
darker than how she kept it at
828
00:39:39,241 --> 00:39:42,577
the time, but it was cut
off just below the neck.
829
00:39:42,578 --> 00:39:47,678
Marilyn was 5'5" when she wasn't
slouching, and Jack was 6'2".
830
00:39:48,650 --> 00:39:50,885
So she liked to wear high
heels when she visited him at
831
00:39:50,886 --> 00:39:54,589
the oval office 'cause she liked
to look at him in the eyes.
832
00:39:54,590 --> 00:39:59,193
But the affair made
Jack uncomfortable.
833
00:39:59,194 --> 00:40:00,829
He loved his wife.
834
00:40:00,830 --> 00:40:02,830
Marilyn was just a distraction,
835
00:40:02,831 --> 00:40:07,931
something to take his
mind off Castro.
836
00:40:11,540 --> 00:40:12,640
You okay, Tom?
837
00:40:12,641 --> 00:40:13,642
Need some water?
838
00:40:13,643 --> 00:40:17,245
Yeah, I just got a cough.
839
00:40:17,246 --> 00:40:18,713
The days are getting shorter.
840
00:40:18,714 --> 00:40:20,481
You better hurry.
841
00:40:20,482 --> 00:40:23,651
Why... because
the sun might set?
842
00:40:23,652 --> 00:40:28,752
I swear, you're like a
werewolf or something.
843
00:40:29,359 --> 00:40:31,727
And we still are gonna meet at
the tower theater tomorrow?
844
00:40:31,728 --> 00:40:32,361
Oh, yeah.
845
00:40:32,362 --> 00:40:35,097
If it's another Woody Allen
movie, you should go by yourself.
846
00:40:35,098 --> 00:40:38,966
I'm just sick of all these
stupid old-person dates.
847
00:40:38,967 --> 00:40:41,470
I mean, why can't we go out
at night, like normal people?
848
00:40:41,471 --> 00:40:42,738
I'm not a normal person.
849
00:40:42,739 --> 00:40:44,205
Ohh, God!
850
00:40:44,206 --> 00:40:46,008
You're just like my mom!
851
00:40:46,009 --> 00:40:48,109
You think you're
better than everyone.
852
00:40:48,110 --> 00:40:53,048
You know... Sometimes,
when we're having
853
00:40:53,049 --> 00:40:55,751
sex, I think of other people.
854
00:40:55,752 --> 00:41:00,852
I think of someone
else every time.
855
00:41:03,326 --> 00:41:06,294
Mary, you're probably rolling
over in your grave right now.
856
00:41:06,295 --> 00:41:09,664
Yeah, like I give a
shit what she thinks.
857
00:41:09,665 --> 00:41:10,899
And she's not dead.
858
00:41:10,900 --> 00:41:11,600
What?
859
00:41:11,601 --> 00:41:13,001
My mom's not dead.
860
00:41:13,002 --> 00:41:15,771
You said she's probably
rolling over in her grave.
861
00:41:15,772 --> 00:41:19,106
I said Mary is probably rolling
over in her grave right now.
862
00:41:19,107 --> 00:41:20,508
Are you a moron?
863
00:41:20,509 --> 00:41:21,977
She's not dead.
864
00:41:21,978 --> 00:41:24,780
You only say that
when people are dead.
865
00:41:24,781 --> 00:41:26,247
Your mother's name is Mary?
866
00:41:26,248 --> 00:41:27,248
Yeah.
867
00:41:27,449 --> 00:41:28,649
You knew that.
868
00:41:28,650 --> 00:41:31,153
No. I would not
have forgotten that.
869
00:41:31,154 --> 00:41:32,354
Well, that's her name.
870
00:41:32,355 --> 00:41:33,287
Don't wear it out.
871
00:41:33,288 --> 00:41:34,555
What's her maiden name?
872
00:41:34,556 --> 00:41:35,890
Why the hell do you care?
873
00:41:35,891 --> 00:41:39,260
Because I care!
874
00:41:39,261 --> 00:41:43,997
It's Lipinsky.
875
00:41:47,703 --> 00:41:48,703
Wayne.
876
00:41:51,440 --> 00:41:53,709
Are you okay?
877
00:41:53,710 --> 00:41:54,376
Oh, my God.
878
00:41:54,377 --> 00:41:55,644
What's wrong with your face?!
879
00:41:55,645 --> 00:41:58,280
I thought I lost you, Mary.
880
00:41:58,281 --> 00:42:00,919
What? Oh! Oh!
881
00:42:04,853 --> 00:42:05,853
Holy shit!
882
00:42:06,221 --> 00:42:08,122
You're a werewolf, for real?!
883
00:42:08,123 --> 00:42:09,123
I'm a badass.
884
00:42:23,306 --> 00:42:25,406
Wayne, no!
885
00:42:25,407 --> 00:42:29,676
Oh, God!
886
00:42:29,879 --> 00:42:31,278
Mary?
887
00:42:31,279 --> 00:42:32,279
Chris!
888
00:42:33,116 --> 00:42:33,881
Chris!
889
00:42:33,882 --> 00:42:37,718
Oh, she's still... Oh, shit!
890
00:42:37,719 --> 00:42:38,285
Shit!
891
00:42:38,286 --> 00:42:39,821
Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit!
892
00:42:39,822 --> 00:42:42,057
Okay. Whew, whew, whew!
893
00:42:42,058 --> 00:42:43,825
That was a bad one.
894
00:42:43,826 --> 00:42:44,826
Whew! Okay.
895
00:42:49,264 --> 00:42:50,264
♪ Oh-oh ♪
896
00:42:53,101 --> 00:42:54,602
♪ oh-oh-oh-oh ♪
897
00:42:54,603 --> 00:42:59,145
♪ doo-ooh ♪
898
00:43:03,045 --> 00:43:07,582
♪ tell Santa I
gave you my heart ♪
899
00:43:07,583 --> 00:43:12,683
♪ but don't tell him
you threw it away ♪
900
00:43:15,792 --> 00:43:16,323
Hello.
901
00:43:16,324 --> 00:43:18,693
Hi. Is Mary here?
902
00:43:18,694 --> 00:43:21,530
Uh, she went to a movie.
903
00:43:21,531 --> 00:43:23,365
Probably Woody Allen.
904
00:43:23,366 --> 00:43:25,133
I don't know.
905
00:43:25,134 --> 00:43:26,401
How do I know you again?
906
00:43:26,402 --> 00:43:28,435
Just from around the town.
907
00:43:28,436 --> 00:43:29,171
Oh.
908
00:43:29,172 --> 00:43:32,841
Does she have amazing skin?
909
00:43:32,842 --> 00:43:34,042
Yeah.
910
00:43:34,043 --> 00:43:35,943
That's... that's a
weird question.
911
00:43:35,944 --> 00:43:38,280
Do you have a photograph of her?
912
00:43:38,281 --> 00:43:40,816
My wife doesn't like
to be photographed.
913
00:43:40,817 --> 00:43:43,651
Right. Right, sorry.
914
00:43:43,652 --> 00:43:47,222
This belongs to her.
915
00:43:47,223 --> 00:43:48,223
All right.
916
00:43:48,757 --> 00:43:49,757
Thank you.
917
00:43:52,795 --> 00:43:54,262
Whoo-hoo-hoo!
918
00:43:54,263 --> 00:43:55,263
Oh, shit!
919
00:43:55,831 --> 00:43:56,831
Oh!
920
00:43:57,199 --> 00:44:01,503
♪ Told it to the angel,
now we're worlds apart ♪
921
00:44:01,504 --> 00:44:02,504
♪ now... ♪
922
00:44:03,406 --> 00:44:07,908
Wait. You thought Chris was
dead, but she's still alive.
923
00:44:07,909 --> 00:44:11,245
Mary, who is dead, is
at a Woody Allen movie?
924
00:44:11,246 --> 00:44:14,281
She must have been in a... in
a coma when they buried her.
925
00:44:14,282 --> 00:44:16,417
I mean, people didn't check
for pulses back then.
926
00:44:16,418 --> 00:44:18,753
But if her mother was a
vampire, wouldn't Chris have
927
00:44:18,754 --> 00:44:19,687
been born a vampire?
928
00:44:19,688 --> 00:44:20,921
No, it doesn't work that way.
929
00:44:20,922 --> 00:44:21,957
It's like herpes.
930
00:44:21,958 --> 00:44:25,961
A mother can have it, but that
doesn't mean a child will.
931
00:44:25,962 --> 00:44:31,062
So, you have to bring the person to
the edge of death, and then stop?
932
00:44:31,667 --> 00:44:33,734
What... to turn them into a vampire?
No, no.
933
00:44:33,735 --> 00:44:37,205
You just have to drink about
a pint of their blood.
934
00:44:37,206 --> 00:44:38,472
That's it?
935
00:44:38,473 --> 00:44:41,408
That's how much I
give when I donate.
936
00:44:41,409 --> 00:44:44,446
Does your bite have venom,
like in "twilight"?
937
00:44:44,447 --> 00:44:46,381
No. People get all these
ridiculous ideas.
938
00:44:46,382 --> 00:44:47,582
It's not about the bite... it's
939
00:44:47,583 --> 00:44:50,718
the drinking of the
blood that does it.
940
00:44:50,719 --> 00:44:52,687
That's so simple,
it's almost stupid.
941
00:44:52,688 --> 00:44:55,155
Yeah. I could slit your
wrist, drain it into a glass,
942
00:44:55,156 --> 00:44:57,892
and drink it... tomorrow,
you'd be a vampire.
943
00:44:57,893 --> 00:44:58,893
I'm game.
944
00:45:03,299 --> 00:45:04,299
Yeah.
945
00:45:06,902 --> 00:45:11,171
I really wish I didn't
turn Chris into a vampire.
946
00:45:11,172 --> 00:45:13,240
I just don't know how
this is gonna play out.
947
00:45:13,241 --> 00:45:17,044
Oh, like a fairy tale, my friend...
like a fairy tale that never ends.
948
00:45:17,045 --> 00:45:19,113
Just the same, I'd better
be there when she wakes up.
949
00:45:19,114 --> 00:45:20,749
Terrific. I'll go with you.
950
00:45:20,750 --> 00:45:21,682
No.
951
00:45:21,683 --> 00:45:23,154
Okay.
952
00:45:25,054 --> 00:45:27,321
Chris?
953
00:45:35,230 --> 00:45:38,332
Oh, shit.
954
00:45:41,504 --> 00:45:42,504
Dvvvt!
955
00:45:45,641 --> 00:45:50,445
What's worse... he steals your
girl or steals your girl, then
956
00:45:50,446 --> 00:45:51,780
turns her into a vampire?
957
00:45:51,781 --> 00:45:53,615
You know, both scenarios suck.
958
00:45:53,616 --> 00:45:56,850
Lucky for me, vampires don't
exist, so I only have to worry
959
00:45:56,851 --> 00:45:58,019
about the first one.
960
00:45:58,020 --> 00:46:00,689
How much evidence do you need?
961
00:46:00,690 --> 00:46:01,690
Come in.
962
00:46:02,792 --> 00:46:03,792
Oh!
963
00:46:06,462 --> 00:46:08,396
Speak of the vampire.
964
00:46:08,397 --> 00:46:12,667
Dr. G, what are you doing
here at this ungodly hour?
965
00:46:12,668 --> 00:46:13,734
It's 9:30.
966
00:46:13,735 --> 00:46:15,503
The witching hour.
967
00:46:15,504 --> 00:46:19,807
Well, can we get anything for
you, perhaps something to drink?
968
00:46:19,808 --> 00:46:20,941
Uh, no thanks.
969
00:46:20,942 --> 00:46:23,678
I'm actually looking for
Chris, uh, Chris Keller.
970
00:46:23,679 --> 00:46:25,546
Yeah. We know her last name.
971
00:46:25,547 --> 00:46:28,416
Some of us used to take baths
with her when we were little.
972
00:46:28,417 --> 00:46:29,718
Well, t-this is important.
973
00:46:29,719 --> 00:46:31,720
Have you tried
looking in your car?
974
00:46:31,721 --> 00:46:33,955
I know she spends a lot
of time in there lately.
975
00:46:33,956 --> 00:46:37,359
Please, if you have any information...
The lambda sigs are having a
976
00:46:37,360 --> 00:46:39,626
bonfire up the canyon.
977
00:46:39,627 --> 00:46:40,961
Why do you need her?
978
00:46:40,962 --> 00:46:42,732
I-I just need to find her.
979
00:46:45,333 --> 00:46:48,736
You still don't think
he's a vampire?
980
00:46:48,737 --> 00:46:49,737
No.
981
00:46:50,339 --> 00:46:55,439
Just a big, fat,
stupid son of a bitch.
982
00:46:56,444 --> 00:47:01,544
You have to meet Ludmila.
983
00:47:17,732 --> 00:47:21,336
♪ Please don't get me
everything I want ♪
984
00:47:21,337 --> 00:47:23,975
♪ I want to want some things ♪
985
00:47:25,875 --> 00:47:30,512
♪ and if you were to give me
everything, I hope you'd make it
986
00:47:30,513 --> 00:47:35,613
hard for me ♪
987
00:48:13,355 --> 00:48:18,455
Sorry about this, buddy.
988
00:48:25,734 --> 00:48:29,204
♪ Ambush, ambush, ambush,
ambush, ambush, ambush ♪
989
00:48:29,205 --> 00:48:31,606
♪ ambush, ambush, ambush,
ambush, ambush ♪
990
00:48:31,607 --> 00:48:33,640
♪ gather all my folk who's
all together, rally 'round ♪
991
00:48:33,641 --> 00:48:34,309
Hello, Chris.
992
00:48:34,310 --> 00:48:35,443
♪ Listen to the drummer... ♪
993
00:48:35,444 --> 00:48:38,146
Oh, don't you know how to knock?
994
00:48:38,147 --> 00:48:40,048
How many people have you killed?
995
00:48:40,049 --> 00:48:41,281
Uh.
996
00:48:41,282 --> 00:48:42,649
He makes 29.
997
00:48:42,650 --> 00:48:44,785
♪ All my folk who's all
together, rally 'round ♪
998
00:48:44,786 --> 00:48:46,053
♪ listen to the drummer talking ♪
999
00:48:46,054 --> 00:48:47,321
Chris, we need to talk.
1000
00:48:47,322 --> 00:48:49,423
What's there to talk about?
1001
00:48:49,424 --> 00:48:50,758
You're a vampire now.
1002
00:48:50,759 --> 00:48:51,693
Uh-huh.
1003
00:48:51,694 --> 00:48:54,162
And, uh... Wow, really?
1004
00:48:54,163 --> 00:48:57,698
I mean, 29?
1005
00:48:57,699 --> 00:48:58,699
Oh!
1006
00:49:01,270 --> 00:49:03,705
I need to teach you
certain rules.
1007
00:49:03,706 --> 00:49:04,472
Like what?
1008
00:49:04,473 --> 00:49:09,010
Well, how to style your hair
without a mirror, how not to
1009
00:49:09,011 --> 00:49:13,714
blow up in the sun, how to not
leave people alive, or they're
1010
00:49:13,715 --> 00:49:14,916
gonna turn into vampires!
1011
00:49:14,917 --> 00:49:17,484
Then why did you
leave me alive, huh?
1012
00:49:17,485 --> 00:49:19,687
Because I never
meant to hurt you.
1013
00:49:19,688 --> 00:49:20,688
Oh!
1014
00:49:21,290 --> 00:49:26,390
Look, we need to talk
about alternatives here.
1015
00:49:28,697 --> 00:49:29,963
What are you talking about?
1016
00:49:29,964 --> 00:49:33,167
Well, like... like
drinking animal blood.
1017
00:49:33,168 --> 00:49:34,535
But you didn't get my note?
1018
00:49:34,536 --> 00:49:37,104
Yeah. I tried that
shit in your fridge.
1019
00:49:37,105 --> 00:49:38,272
You get used to it.
1020
00:49:38,273 --> 00:49:42,109
Just because you're a weak-ass
vampire doesn't mean I have to be.
1021
00:49:42,110 --> 00:49:44,979
Look, I know this is all
very, very new to you.
1022
00:49:44,980 --> 00:49:46,647
It's probably very difficult.
1023
00:49:46,648 --> 00:49:47,648
No.
1024
00:49:47,982 --> 00:49:50,285
You know, it's
actually kind of easy.
1025
00:49:50,286 --> 00:49:52,687
Well, help me clean this up, and
then we can talk about this.
1026
00:49:52,688 --> 00:49:53,588
You know what?
1027
00:49:53,589 --> 00:49:54,689
Clean it up yourself.
1028
00:49:54,690 --> 00:49:57,591
Oh!
1029
00:49:57,592 --> 00:49:59,560
♪ This woman mean,
an aggravated teen ♪
1030
00:49:59,561 --> 00:50:01,162
♪ got you running scared ♪
1031
00:50:01,163 --> 00:50:03,731
Damn, it feels good
to be a gangsta.
1032
00:50:03,732 --> 00:50:05,700
♪ ...shook by guerrilla
tactics, ambush ♪
1033
00:50:05,701 --> 00:50:07,035
♪ you can say you been hit now ♪
1034
00:50:07,036 --> 00:50:09,437
♪ gather all my folk who's
all together, rally 'round ♪
1035
00:50:09,438 --> 00:50:12,472
♪ listen to the drummer
talking, listen to the sound ♪
1036
00:50:12,473 --> 00:50:16,143
♪ ambush ♪
1037
00:50:30,993 --> 00:50:34,928
♪ Mary, I can't wait ♪
1038
00:50:34,929 --> 00:50:39,533
♪ to hold you in my arms ♪
1039
00:50:39,534 --> 00:50:41,202
♪ I always knew ♪
1040
00:50:41,203 --> 00:50:42,403
♪ this day would come ♪
1041
00:50:42,404 --> 00:50:46,941
Want to catch a movie?
1042
00:50:46,942 --> 00:50:52,042
♪ Now we're sitting here,
in lives we can't deny ♪
1043
00:50:53,047 --> 00:50:54,047
Mary! Whoa!
1044
00:50:57,453 --> 00:51:00,156
Your toast is burnt.
1045
00:51:02,056 --> 00:51:04,359
♪ Mary, I said I love you ♪
1046
00:51:04,360 --> 00:51:05,827
I want a divorce.
1047
00:51:05,828 --> 00:51:07,894
♪ I hope you feel the same ♪
1048
00:51:07,895 --> 00:51:11,231
I deserve a smoothy.
1049
00:51:11,232 --> 00:51:12,533
♪ There's just something... ♪
1050
00:51:12,534 --> 00:51:15,236
I killed a priest when
he said I had no soul.
1051
00:51:15,237 --> 00:51:19,307
I killed a football player
who had feelings for me.
1052
00:51:19,308 --> 00:51:21,142
♪ Mary, hold me close ♪
1053
00:51:21,143 --> 00:51:22,577
Oh.
1054
00:51:22,578 --> 00:51:24,646
You really couldn't grow
your teeth without me?
1055
00:51:24,647 --> 00:51:29,747
Well, okay, well,
I-I said I couldn't.
1056
00:51:29,851 --> 00:51:33,086
But then the funniest
thing happened to me.
1057
00:51:33,087 --> 00:51:37,557
Okay, so... okay, not "ha
ha" funny, more of a, um,
1058
00:51:37,558 --> 00:51:41,129
like, "that's interesting"
kind of funny, you know?
1059
00:51:41,130 --> 00:51:42,196
Um.
1060
00:51:42,197 --> 00:51:44,164
So, you know your daughter Chris?
1061
00:51:44,165 --> 00:51:45,233
Yeah.
Yeah.
1062
00:51:45,234 --> 00:51:46,667
How do you... how
do you know her?
1063
00:51:46,668 --> 00:51:47,801
Well, just from school.
1064
00:51:47,802 --> 00:51:51,104
But you know how you two
look exactly alike?
1065
00:51:51,105 --> 00:51:53,173
We're practically twins.
1066
00:51:53,174 --> 00:51:54,042
Yeah. Yeah.
1067
00:51:54,043 --> 00:51:59,143
So, anyway, uh, she made
my teeth grow long.
1068
00:52:00,516 --> 00:52:02,383
And then we had sex
a bunch of times.
1069
00:52:02,384 --> 00:52:07,484
Um, but I am not in love with her,
and we were about to break up.
1070
00:52:08,623 --> 00:52:11,658
Also, uh, I turned her into a
vampire, and she killed about
1071
00:52:11,659 --> 00:52:16,759
29 people so far.
1072
00:52:17,299 --> 00:52:20,133
I thought of you every time.
1073
00:52:20,134 --> 00:52:22,870
You have to get out of here.
1074
00:52:22,871 --> 00:52:23,403
Mary.
1075
00:52:23,404 --> 00:52:24,037
Go away.
1076
00:52:24,038 --> 00:52:26,573
♪ Mary, I can't wait ♪
1077
00:52:26,574 --> 00:52:27,408
Go away!
1078
00:52:27,409 --> 00:52:31,546
♪ To hold you in my arms ♪
1079
00:52:31,547 --> 00:52:35,921
♪ I always knew this
day would come ♪
1080
00:52:38,821 --> 00:52:43,921
♪ and now we're sitting here,
in lives we can't rely on ♪
1081
00:52:50,264 --> 00:52:53,312
They prefer to make
love in the daytime.
1082
00:52:53,601 --> 00:52:56,803
It calms their fear of the sun.
1083
00:52:56,804 --> 00:53:01,904
After climax,
I always take a sketch.
1084
00:53:02,744 --> 00:53:04,077
What? What's wrong?
1085
00:53:04,078 --> 00:53:05,680
You don't like sex?
1086
00:53:05,681 --> 00:53:07,749
No, I'd probably love sex.
1087
00:53:07,750 --> 00:53:10,151
I just... I don't see how
hearing about your multiple
1088
00:53:10,152 --> 00:53:11,519
partners is gonna help us out.
1089
00:53:11,520 --> 00:53:14,638
There is over 1,000
sketches in this book.
1090
00:53:15,257 --> 00:53:20,357
If he has ball
sac... He's in there.
1091
00:53:22,563 --> 00:53:25,172
Ball sac?
1092
00:53:30,072 --> 00:53:31,372
What... what about him?
1093
00:53:31,373 --> 00:53:33,039
Did you make love to him?
1094
00:53:33,040 --> 00:53:37,345
No, not this one... And
God knows I tried.
1095
00:53:37,346 --> 00:53:40,481
I met him in Coney island, 1986.
1096
00:53:40,482 --> 00:53:45,582
He said he loved once
before and that was enough.
1097
00:53:45,888 --> 00:53:48,122
He got me a corn dog.
1098
00:53:48,123 --> 00:53:49,457
What was his name?
1099
00:53:49,458 --> 00:53:52,660
He never said, but his
nickname I remember.
1100
00:53:52,661 --> 00:53:54,195
What was it?
1101
00:53:54,196 --> 00:53:55,229
The great one.
1102
00:53:55,230 --> 00:53:55,997
Let's go.
1103
00:53:55,998 --> 00:53:58,566
I've got an appointment with
her, but I'll meet you out...
1104
00:53:58,567 --> 00:54:01,334
meet you out there.
1105
00:54:01,335 --> 00:54:03,274
Thank you.
1106
00:54:06,174 --> 00:54:08,176
Take this and put it on there.
1107
00:54:08,177 --> 00:54:09,343
Are you sure?
1108
00:54:09,344 --> 00:54:12,379
Oh, hey, bitch faces,
where is everybody?
1109
00:54:12,380 --> 00:54:13,914
I think they went bowling.
1110
00:54:13,915 --> 00:54:15,216
Lame.
1111
00:54:15,217 --> 00:54:16,484
Is this absinthe?
1112
00:54:16,485 --> 00:54:18,486
You do not even know
what you're missing.
1113
00:54:18,487 --> 00:54:19,586
None of you do.
1114
00:54:19,587 --> 00:54:23,256
I've got something that
will blow you mind.
1115
00:54:23,257 --> 00:54:25,158
What is it?
1116
00:54:25,159 --> 00:54:28,229
Come in here.
1117
00:54:28,230 --> 00:54:30,932
Where's your whip,
sexified bitch?
1118
00:54:30,933 --> 00:54:31,933
Ow!
1119
00:54:35,904 --> 00:54:38,372
Are you trying to be,
like, all lesbian on me?
1120
00:54:38,373 --> 00:54:39,941
Just come here.
1121
00:54:39,942 --> 00:54:42,676
Do you want to do body shots?
1122
00:54:42,677 --> 00:54:43,677
Shh.
1123
00:54:44,746 --> 00:54:45,746
Mm.
1124
00:54:46,781 --> 00:54:47,781
Okay.
1125
00:54:52,855 --> 00:54:53,855
Ooh.
1126
00:54:55,891 --> 00:54:58,792
Oh, Chris, I'm so glad
you roll this way.
1127
00:54:58,793 --> 00:55:01,835
Mm. Me too.
1128
00:55:06,735 --> 00:55:10,073
Ugh! Aah!
1129
00:55:13,174 --> 00:55:14,441
Oh, my God!
1130
00:55:14,442 --> 00:55:15,642
Oh, my God.
1131
00:55:15,643 --> 00:55:16,643
Ta-da!
1132
00:55:17,746 --> 00:55:18,678
What?
1133
00:55:18,679 --> 00:55:20,180
You'll thank me tomorrow.
1134
00:55:20,181 --> 00:55:21,147
Aah!
1135
00:55:21,148 --> 00:55:22,148
Yeah.
1136
00:55:22,951 --> 00:55:24,885
Yeah, that looks good.
1137
00:55:24,886 --> 00:55:25,886
Come on.
1138
00:55:26,388 --> 00:55:28,388
Come on.
1139
00:55:28,389 --> 00:55:30,825
Nothing.
1140
00:55:30,826 --> 00:55:34,629
Why did you have to
tell her about Chris?
1141
00:55:34,630 --> 00:55:36,430
I mean you had to, right?
1142
00:55:36,431 --> 00:55:37,497
Damn it.
1143
00:55:37,498 --> 00:55:38,798
All those hours of therapy, and
1144
00:55:38,799 --> 00:55:42,937
now we're right back
to the drawing board.
1145
00:55:42,938 --> 00:55:44,205
Your hands are prune-y.
1146
00:55:44,206 --> 00:55:49,306
That seems odd happening
to a vampire.
1147
00:55:50,612 --> 00:55:53,847
So, is, uh, 29 a lot?
1148
00:55:53,848 --> 00:55:55,416
Yeah, it's a lot.
1149
00:55:55,417 --> 00:55:57,584
What... you don't think that's a lot?
Well, I don't know.
1150
00:55:57,585 --> 00:56:00,854
There was a guy in Toulouse.
He killed 19 his first night.
1151
00:56:00,855 --> 00:56:02,923
He's what they call a
Nosferatu Puternic.
1152
00:56:02,924 --> 00:56:03,890
What's that?
1153
00:56:03,891 --> 00:56:05,760
It's Romanian for
"super vampire."
1154
00:56:05,761 --> 00:56:07,662
These guys are
cold-blooded murderers.
1155
00:56:07,663 --> 00:56:09,664
They kill way more
than they can drink.
1156
00:56:09,665 --> 00:56:10,830
Is he still alive?
1157
00:56:10,831 --> 00:56:11,798
No, no.
1158
00:56:11,799 --> 00:56:15,769
He fell asleep in the sun.
1159
00:56:15,770 --> 00:56:20,870
You have to kill her, don't you?
1160
00:56:31,319 --> 00:56:32,519
Are you crazy?
1161
00:56:32,520 --> 00:56:34,055
I thought we were
here to kill him.
1162
00:56:34,056 --> 00:56:35,622
Dude, the sunlight will kill him.
1163
00:56:35,623 --> 00:56:37,992
And this way, if... if he's not
a vampire, we won't go to jail.
1164
00:56:37,993 --> 00:56:38,725
What the hell?
1165
00:56:38,726 --> 00:56:41,629
For the last five weeks, you've been
saying you're positive he's a vampire.
1166
00:56:41,630 --> 00:56:44,197
And I am, but this way, I
don't have to be positive.
1167
00:56:45,801 --> 00:56:49,070
♪ Thou shalt break them ♪
1168
00:56:49,071 --> 00:56:52,372
♪ thou shalt break them ♪
1169
00:56:52,373 --> 00:56:53,841
Yo, Dr. G.
1170
00:56:53,842 --> 00:56:55,276
You played me like a bitch!
1171
00:56:55,277 --> 00:56:56,644
Like a bitch!
1172
00:56:56,645 --> 00:56:57,310
What?
1173
00:56:57,311 --> 00:56:58,079
You stole my girl.
1174
00:56:58,080 --> 00:56:59,646
I don't know what
you're talking about.
1175
00:56:59,647 --> 00:57:02,216
And we got a picture to prove it.
You have a photograph of me?
1176
00:57:02,217 --> 00:57:03,917
Yeah, come around
the desk and see it.
1177
00:57:03,918 --> 00:57:04,751
Well, show it to me.
1178
00:57:04,752 --> 00:57:06,320
I'm too tired to come over.
1179
00:57:06,321 --> 00:57:09,557
♪ Thou shalt dash them
in pieces, in pieces ♪
1180
00:57:09,558 --> 00:57:11,792
It's empty.
1181
00:57:11,793 --> 00:57:12,793
Aah!
1182
00:57:12,927 --> 00:57:16,530
We bounced sunlight
on your vampire ass!
1183
00:57:16,531 --> 00:57:18,666
How you like me now, huh? Huh?!
1184
00:57:18,667 --> 00:57:19,667
Ohh!
1185
00:57:20,969 --> 00:57:22,803
He didn't die, you asshole!
1186
00:57:22,804 --> 00:57:27,874
I don't have time for this!
1187
00:57:27,875 --> 00:57:29,010
That's hickory, you moron.
1188
00:57:29,011 --> 00:57:30,176
♪ Thou shalt break them ♪
1189
00:57:30,177 --> 00:57:32,479
Ohh!
1190
00:57:32,480 --> 00:57:34,115
Oh, that's such bullshit!
1191
00:57:34,116 --> 00:57:38,618
♪ Thou shalt break them
with a rod of iron ♪
1192
00:57:38,619 --> 00:57:41,555
You guys are really easy
to fight, so stop, okay?
1193
00:57:41,556 --> 00:57:42,522
Let's just talk.
1194
00:57:42,523 --> 00:57:44,758
Just promise not to
bite my best friend.
1195
00:57:44,759 --> 00:57:49,859
Please, please, please, pl...
I'm not going to.
1196
00:57:50,431 --> 00:57:53,434
I couldn't, anyway... Not
with everything that's going
1197
00:57:53,435 --> 00:57:55,836
on in my personal life.
1198
00:57:55,837 --> 00:57:57,171
Why don't you guys take a seat?
1199
00:57:57,172 --> 00:57:59,240
I don't want to sit
down in your sex chair.
1200
00:57:59,241 --> 00:58:01,374
Well, just lean against
something, then, okay?
1201
00:58:01,375 --> 00:58:02,977
What if I just want to stand up?
1202
00:58:02,978 --> 00:58:04,044
Fine. Whatever.
1203
00:58:04,045 --> 00:58:07,048
What I'm trying to say is that
what I have to tell you guys is
1204
00:58:07,049 --> 00:58:09,050
gonna be a little bit difficult
to take standing up.
1205
00:58:09,051 --> 00:58:11,352
Really? More difficult than
finding out that your most
1206
00:58:11,353 --> 00:58:13,620
favorite teacher ever is a
vampire and he had a bunch of
1207
00:58:13,621 --> 00:58:16,390
"crazy good sex"
with your soul mate?
1208
00:58:16,391 --> 00:58:17,258
It gets worse.
1209
00:58:17,259 --> 00:58:18,492
What... you killed her?!
1210
00:58:18,493 --> 00:58:19,193
No.
1211
00:58:19,194 --> 00:58:21,294
I turned her into a vampire.
1212
00:58:21,295 --> 00:58:24,765
And now we have to kill her.
1213
00:58:24,766 --> 00:58:25,365
Bastard!
1214
00:58:25,366 --> 00:58:26,633
I know. I know.
1215
00:58:26,634 --> 00:58:27,734
I'm a bastard.
1216
00:58:27,735 --> 00:58:31,671
I'm a son of a bitch
and just a big dick.
1217
00:58:31,672 --> 00:58:36,772
You know, I didn't mean for
any of this stuff to happen.
1218
00:58:37,344 --> 00:58:41,582
But she's out of control...
And I have to stop her.
1219
00:58:41,583 --> 00:58:43,417
How?
1220
00:58:43,418 --> 00:58:45,452
I don't know yet.
1221
00:58:45,453 --> 00:58:46,453
Um.
1222
00:58:47,389 --> 00:58:49,522
Let us help you.
1223
00:58:49,523 --> 00:58:50,691
You guys suck.
1224
00:58:50,692 --> 00:58:52,126
Dude, she's really pretty and
1225
00:58:52,127 --> 00:58:54,227
everything, but she
wasn't that into you.
1226
00:58:54,228 --> 00:58:57,231
And... and now she's
a demon from hell!
1227
00:58:57,232 --> 00:59:00,100
I said you suck!
1228
00:59:00,101 --> 00:59:02,774
Tell us what to do.
1229
00:59:08,909 --> 00:59:11,812
So, why does it have to be ash?
1230
00:59:11,813 --> 00:59:12,479
I don't know.
1231
00:59:12,480 --> 00:59:14,448
Why does the sun make me explode?
1232
00:59:14,449 --> 00:59:18,084
I mean, why am I still
allergic to peanuts?
1233
00:59:18,085 --> 00:59:21,555
So, after we kill Chris, do
we get to kill you, too?
1234
00:59:21,556 --> 00:59:23,423
Well, I guess I
wouldn't blame you.
1235
00:59:23,424 --> 00:59:24,859
'Cause you're still a vampire.
1236
00:59:24,860 --> 00:59:26,359
Yeah, Fred, but he's different.
1237
00:59:26,360 --> 00:59:30,164
"Different" as in he likes to have sex with
teenage girls and turn them into vampires?
1238
00:59:30,165 --> 00:59:33,100
Well, I guess I'm different because
I don't like to kill people.
1239
00:59:33,101 --> 00:59:36,336
Yeah, just your
ex-girlfriends.
1240
00:59:36,337 --> 00:59:38,607
Turns out.
1241
00:59:40,407 --> 00:59:42,408
You've been one
way longer than her.
1242
00:59:42,409 --> 00:59:44,044
Shouldn't you be
way more powerful?
1243
00:59:44,045 --> 00:59:46,914
Yeah. Why can't you
fight her by yourself?
1244
00:59:46,915 --> 00:59:49,082
It's because I'm impotent.
1245
00:59:49,083 --> 00:59:51,285
Vampires fight
with their wieners?
1246
00:59:51,286 --> 00:59:52,286
No.
1247
00:59:52,453 --> 00:59:55,892
I assure you I can hold
a gigantic erection.
1248
00:59:56,792 --> 00:59:58,132
Um, I can maintain an erection.
1249
00:59:59,226 --> 01:00:01,909
What I mean by "impotent"
is that I can't vamp out.
1250
01:00:03,031 --> 01:00:05,466
I can't... can't grow my teeth.
1251
01:00:05,467 --> 01:00:06,600
Why not?
1252
01:00:06,601 --> 01:00:09,303
Is it because you're a dick?
1253
01:00:09,304 --> 01:00:10,838
It's a long story.
1254
01:00:10,839 --> 01:00:15,939
But even if I could vamp out,
she's way stronger than me.
1255
01:00:16,710 --> 01:00:20,747
I saw her strength that first
night, and she's just learning.
1256
01:00:20,748 --> 01:00:21,748
Figures.
1257
01:00:22,150 --> 01:00:23,751
You would be a weak-ass vampire.
1258
01:00:23,752 --> 01:00:27,921
I'm not weak...
she's stronger.
1259
01:00:27,922 --> 01:00:32,026
So, do vampires do everything
in horseshit and snow?
1260
01:00:32,027 --> 01:00:32,992
Yeah, Tom.
1261
01:00:32,993 --> 01:00:35,361
Yeah, everything we do is
in horseshit and snow.
1262
01:00:35,362 --> 01:00:38,164
You got that from the
vampire book, I guess.
1263
01:00:38,165 --> 01:00:38,899
Just saying.
1264
01:00:38,900 --> 01:00:40,501
It's the only place in the shade.
1265
01:00:40,502 --> 01:00:42,068
What do you want?
1266
01:00:42,069 --> 01:00:44,738
Okay, I'm gonna be holding her
down because that's gonna be
1267
01:00:44,739 --> 01:00:45,539
the hardest part.
1268
01:00:45,540 --> 01:00:47,975
Here. I want you to hold the
stake into place and just lean
1269
01:00:47,976 --> 01:00:48,908
into it a little bit.
1270
01:00:48,909 --> 01:00:50,211
'Cause I'm heavy?
1271
01:00:50,212 --> 01:00:51,178
Just to help, all right?
1272
01:00:51,179 --> 01:00:53,213
Fred, get ready with
the sledgehammer.
1273
01:00:53,214 --> 01:00:56,283
Hey, hold it right
over her heart, okay?
1274
01:00:56,284 --> 01:00:58,419
Dude, do not smash my fingers.
1275
01:00:58,420 --> 01:01:00,486
All right, Fred, you
got to hit it hard.
1276
01:01:00,487 --> 01:01:03,224
Vampire bone is very dense.
1277
01:01:03,225 --> 01:01:04,490
Okay.
1278
01:01:04,491 --> 01:01:05,992
We only got one shot at this.
1279
01:01:05,993 --> 01:01:08,829
You nail that bitch
to the ground.
1280
01:01:08,830 --> 01:01:12,768
She's my bitch, you big dick.
1281
01:01:15,871 --> 01:01:18,972
How the hell do I
get out of here?!
1282
01:01:18,973 --> 01:01:23,010
You big dick and your
big, fat dickhead fence!
1283
01:01:23,011 --> 01:01:25,678
I hate you!
1284
01:01:25,679 --> 01:01:27,814
♪ I'm holding that against you ♪
1285
01:01:27,815 --> 01:01:31,084
Dude, if you do that during the
real one, it's gonna suck so bad.
1286
01:01:31,085 --> 01:01:32,137
♪ Deceive me ♪
1287
01:01:34,121 --> 01:01:38,892
♪ I know you did ♪
1288
01:01:38,893 --> 01:01:41,829
♪ I'm sorry ♪
1289
01:01:41,830 --> 01:01:43,664
This is hard on all of us, Fred.
1290
01:01:43,665 --> 01:01:46,934
That's easy for you to say.
1291
01:01:46,935 --> 01:01:47,968
♪ Together ♪
1292
01:01:47,969 --> 01:01:49,769
She was supposed to be my breezy.
1293
01:01:49,770 --> 01:01:54,870
♪ We're so far apart ♪
1294
01:02:05,987 --> 01:02:07,988
The blood drive is mandatory.
1295
01:02:07,989 --> 01:02:10,490
We're going to have it
at the STD boys' house.
1296
01:02:10,491 --> 01:02:11,425
Where's Chris?
1297
01:02:11,426 --> 01:02:12,693
She's supposed to be here.
1298
01:02:12,694 --> 01:02:14,995
How are they gonna have a
blood drive at our house?
1299
01:02:14,996 --> 01:02:17,097
They're going to park
a trailer in front.
1300
01:02:17,098 --> 01:02:18,731
It's got everything they need.
1301
01:02:18,732 --> 01:02:23,832
We just need to supply all the
refreshments for the donors, okay?
1302
01:02:25,440 --> 01:02:28,008
Oh, I just got the chills.
1303
01:02:28,009 --> 01:02:29,809
Where have you guys been?
1304
01:02:29,810 --> 01:02:32,245
Oh, well, we just, uh, killed a
gas station attendant, and we
1305
01:02:32,246 --> 01:02:34,448
had to cover it up.
1306
01:02:34,449 --> 01:02:35,783
Oh, that's funny.
1307
01:02:35,784 --> 01:02:40,585
Oh, it was.
1308
01:02:41,188 --> 01:02:42,188
Aah!
1309
01:02:45,460 --> 01:02:46,460
Aah!
1310
01:02:46,860 --> 01:02:48,162
Oh, my God!
1311
01:02:48,163 --> 01:02:49,330
Oh, my God!
1312
01:02:49,331 --> 01:02:50,863
Meeting adjourned, bitches.
1313
01:02:50,864 --> 01:02:53,303
Now, who wants to be a vampire?
1314
01:02:55,203 --> 01:02:57,140
Come on. Don't be shy.
1315
01:03:00,040 --> 01:03:00,707
All right.
1316
01:03:00,708 --> 01:03:04,577
Well, the rest of you are dinner.
1317
01:03:04,578 --> 01:03:09,416
Let's get out of here, Fred.
1318
01:03:09,417 --> 01:03:10,417
Dr. G!
1319
01:03:15,956 --> 01:03:18,325
Dr. G, oh, my God!
1320
01:03:18,326 --> 01:03:20,059
I've been looking
everywhere for you guys.
1321
01:03:20,060 --> 01:03:22,262
Fred wanted to try
to talk to Chris.
1322
01:03:22,263 --> 01:03:22,863
Did you?
1323
01:03:22,864 --> 01:03:24,164
What did you do to her?
1324
01:03:24,165 --> 01:03:27,200
She's turning her
sorority into vampires!
1325
01:03:27,201 --> 01:03:28,234
Only half of them.
1326
01:03:28,235 --> 01:03:31,638
They're gonna eat the rest.
1327
01:03:31,639 --> 01:03:32,638
We're gonna need help.
1328
01:03:32,639 --> 01:03:35,274
Who's gonna help us?
1329
01:03:35,275 --> 01:03:38,611
Huh?
1330
01:03:40,547 --> 01:03:42,316
Hello, Wayne.
1331
01:03:42,317 --> 01:03:43,317
Hi, Mary.
1332
01:03:43,985 --> 01:03:47,854
I-I was just noticing how
beautiful your flowers are.
1333
01:03:47,855 --> 01:03:48,855
They're mums.
1334
01:03:49,991 --> 01:03:55,091
Well, your mum has
excellent taste.
1335
01:03:55,864 --> 01:03:59,233
♪ Here we are again ♪
1336
01:03:59,234 --> 01:04:00,033
♪ dancing through... ♪
1337
01:04:00,034 --> 01:04:01,535
How do you know Fred green?
1338
01:04:01,536 --> 01:04:06,339
Uh, he's, uh, helping us with
the logistics on... How we're
1339
01:04:06,340 --> 01:04:09,943
going to kill Chris.
1340
01:04:09,944 --> 01:04:12,379
She's turned her sorority
sisters into vampires.
1341
01:04:12,380 --> 01:04:13,646
And she's strong.
1342
01:04:13,647 --> 01:04:15,749
She's really strong.
1343
01:04:15,750 --> 01:04:17,551
Why did you do this to her?
1344
01:04:17,552 --> 01:04:22,652
You know the funniest
things happen in life.
1345
01:04:22,723 --> 01:04:25,709
This is not one of them,
though, as you know.
1346
01:04:26,527 --> 01:04:29,930
I messed up pretty bad.
1347
01:04:29,931 --> 01:04:33,100
Why did you bury me?
1348
01:04:33,101 --> 01:04:36,803
I didn't know.
1349
01:04:36,804 --> 01:04:38,805
I need your help, Mary.
1350
01:04:38,806 --> 01:04:39,872
Is Fred a vampire now?
1351
01:04:39,873 --> 01:04:40,774
No. No, no, no.
1352
01:04:40,775 --> 01:04:42,008
He's just helping us out.
1353
01:04:42,009 --> 01:04:44,510
He'll be killed.
1354
01:04:44,511 --> 01:04:49,115
Well, we're working
on a game plan.
1355
01:04:49,116 --> 01:04:51,084
I won't help you
kill my daughter.
1356
01:04:51,085 --> 01:04:52,086
I can't do that.
1357
01:04:52,087 --> 01:04:55,088
Yeah, I figured as much.
1358
01:04:55,089 --> 01:05:00,189
If I could just have your blessing...
Well... Wish me luck.
1359
01:05:08,103 --> 01:05:09,375
Probably die.
1360
01:05:15,909 --> 01:05:18,979
I was hungry, so I had to stop
for a burrito at "Chipotel."
1361
01:05:18,980 --> 01:05:21,515
I'm almost there, all right?
1362
01:05:21,516 --> 01:05:23,550
Dude, it's pronounced both ways.
1363
01:05:23,551 --> 01:05:24,617
Mom?
1364
01:05:24,618 --> 01:05:25,952
Hey, Chris.
1365
01:05:25,953 --> 01:05:27,988
Hi, Tom.
1366
01:05:27,989 --> 01:05:30,224
So, I guess it's
supposed to rain today.
1367
01:05:30,225 --> 01:05:34,394
I wish I had the foresight to
have bring my umbr-r-r-ella.
1368
01:05:34,395 --> 01:05:36,997
So... Ah, yeah.
1369
01:05:36,998 --> 01:05:39,399
I see you guys all
got yours open.
1370
01:05:39,400 --> 01:05:41,334
Mm. Just preserving our skin.
1371
01:05:41,335 --> 01:05:43,102
Ooh, very smart.
1372
01:05:43,103 --> 01:05:45,872
So, what do I do with it today?
1373
01:05:45,873 --> 01:05:48,908
- What is...
- Oh, this is for the blood
drive at your house.
1374
01:05:48,909 --> 01:05:49,843
Didn't you know about it?
1375
01:05:49,844 --> 01:05:54,381
Yeah. I guess I just assumed
it was canceled, 'cause...
1376
01:05:54,382 --> 01:05:57,050
Why would it be canceled?
1377
01:05:57,051 --> 01:05:59,318
Weather.
1378
01:05:59,319 --> 01:06:01,088
This is for skin cancer.
1379
01:06:01,089 --> 01:06:01,854
Oh.
1380
01:06:01,855 --> 01:06:02,855
So sorry.
1381
01:06:03,857 --> 01:06:04,524
Okay.
1382
01:06:04,525 --> 01:06:06,626
Hey, don't let Fred come.
1383
01:06:06,627 --> 01:06:07,493
Why not?
1384
01:06:07,494 --> 01:06:11,932
I-I'm like 100% positive
he has a heart murmur.
1385
01:06:11,933 --> 01:06:13,566
But you should come.
1386
01:06:13,567 --> 01:06:15,868
I see how it is.
1387
01:06:15,869 --> 01:06:18,071
Well, I guess I've
got to go to class.
1388
01:06:18,072 --> 01:06:23,172
- If you'll excuse me...
- Thank you.
1389
01:06:27,848 --> 01:06:30,283
You know, if someone would
have told me four months ago
1390
01:06:30,284 --> 01:06:32,718
that, by the end of the
semester, I'd be plotting to
1391
01:06:32,719 --> 01:06:37,524
kill my... True love 'cause she's
a psychotic vampire, I would
1392
01:06:37,525 --> 01:06:42,625
have been like... "No way."
1393
01:06:43,897 --> 01:06:47,367
But now that we're actually doing it and...
I just look back
1394
01:06:47,368 --> 01:06:51,338
on that imagined scenario, and
I-I just want to grab myself and
1395
01:06:51,339 --> 01:06:53,673
I want to say,
"listen to this guy.
1396
01:06:53,674 --> 01:06:57,211
He knows exactly what
he's talking about."
1397
01:06:57,212 --> 01:06:59,412
Dr. G!
1398
01:06:59,413 --> 01:07:04,513
Son of a bitch!
1399
01:07:07,388 --> 01:07:08,388
Damn!
1400
01:07:12,627 --> 01:07:14,461
I'm sorry about that.
1401
01:07:14,462 --> 01:07:16,863
Tom, hey, you look like
you've seen a ghost.
1402
01:07:16,864 --> 01:07:19,298
More like a bunch of vampires
that are trying to kill me and
1403
01:07:19,299 --> 01:07:22,602
my fraternity.
1404
01:07:22,603 --> 01:07:23,903
A blood drive?
1405
01:07:23,904 --> 01:07:24,937
They're still having it?
1406
01:07:24,938 --> 01:07:27,106
Yeah, and they're out,
passing out flyers.
1407
01:07:27,107 --> 01:07:29,709
And Chris said you couldn't come
'cause you have a heart murmur.
1408
01:07:29,710 --> 01:07:31,211
I don't have a heart murmur.
1409
01:07:31,212 --> 01:07:33,946
Then she's a liar and a vampire.
1410
01:07:33,947 --> 01:07:36,783
Why doesn't she want me there?
1411
01:07:36,784 --> 01:07:40,086
This... that doesn't
change anything, okay?
1412
01:07:40,087 --> 01:07:42,722
This just lets us know
where they're gonna be.
1413
01:07:42,723 --> 01:07:46,796
Now, let's put on
our thinking caps.
1414
01:07:53,101 --> 01:07:56,035
Bury me good.
1415
01:07:56,036 --> 01:07:59,472
You wanted to see me?
1416
01:07:59,473 --> 01:08:00,473
Hi.
1417
01:08:02,442 --> 01:08:03,442
Ah.
1418
01:08:03,578 --> 01:08:07,580
Chris invited me to the blood
drive, and I told her that I
1419
01:08:07,581 --> 01:08:08,481
couldn't make it.
1420
01:08:08,482 --> 01:08:13,582
But then I got to thinking...
how selfish of me.
1421
01:08:20,928 --> 01:08:22,296
Is this your blood?
1422
01:08:22,297 --> 01:08:23,297
It is.
1423
01:08:23,364 --> 01:08:24,364
Mm.
1424
01:08:25,600 --> 01:08:26,432
I hope it's enough.
1425
01:08:26,433 --> 01:08:29,735
Um, I actually feel
a little faint.
1426
01:08:29,736 --> 01:08:32,538
Um, could you see
that Chris gets this?
1427
01:08:32,539 --> 01:08:36,142
I'm sure she'll know
what to do with it.
1428
01:08:36,143 --> 01:08:39,046
Sure thing.
1429
01:08:39,047 --> 01:08:44,147
Well, um, I think, uh, I think I'll
turn in a little early tonight.
1430
01:08:46,654 --> 01:08:48,488
You're gonna sleep in here?
1431
01:08:48,489 --> 01:08:49,489
Oh.
1432
01:08:49,891 --> 01:08:54,991
You have no idea how
comfy this thing is.
1433
01:08:57,130 --> 01:09:02,230
Don't drink and drive.
1434
01:09:16,718 --> 01:09:17,950
You almost done?
1435
01:09:17,951 --> 01:09:18,651
All done.
1436
01:09:18,652 --> 01:09:19,453
We got to hurry.
1437
01:09:19,454 --> 01:09:23,222
The salon closes
earlier on Fridays.
1438
01:09:23,223 --> 01:09:26,159
Hey, tweedle-dumbasses,
what is this?
1439
01:09:26,160 --> 01:09:27,694
Uh, it's our new coat rack.
1440
01:09:27,695 --> 01:09:29,962
Why the hell do the hooks go
all the way to the floor?
1441
01:09:29,963 --> 01:09:31,832
Just in case a
little kid comes over.
1442
01:09:31,833 --> 01:09:33,734
Kids aren't allowed here.
1443
01:09:33,735 --> 01:09:36,069
Clean this shit up
before the party.
1444
01:09:36,070 --> 01:09:38,372
♪ Resistance is futile ♪
1445
01:09:38,373 --> 01:09:39,138
Wait a second.
1446
01:09:39,139 --> 01:09:41,341
Aah! Jared! Jared! Ow.
1447
01:09:41,342 --> 01:09:46,442
♪ And I am gonna
drink your blood ♪
1448
01:09:47,882 --> 01:09:50,050
We're here to set up.
1449
01:09:50,051 --> 01:09:52,718
Fred... I didn't
think you'd be here.
1450
01:09:52,719 --> 01:09:55,388
Well, I guess a lot of things
happen that you'd never, in your
1451
01:09:55,389 --> 01:09:57,257
wildest dreams, would
think would happen.
1452
01:09:57,258 --> 01:09:58,525
Kappa hos!
1453
01:09:58,526 --> 01:10:00,226
What's up, ladies.
1454
01:10:00,227 --> 01:10:01,595
Well, hello, Kyle.
1455
01:10:01,596 --> 01:10:02,328
Sweet.
1456
01:10:02,329 --> 01:10:04,297
You guys all look like hookers.
1457
01:10:04,298 --> 01:10:06,565
All right, we got to go.
1458
01:10:06,566 --> 01:10:08,502
So... You won't be here?
1459
01:10:08,503 --> 01:10:10,971
Well, then, do you
want me to be here?
1460
01:10:10,972 --> 01:10:14,141
Well, I guess it doesn't
matter either way.
1461
01:10:14,142 --> 01:10:16,409
So it's like that, then?
1462
01:10:16,410 --> 01:10:17,843
Like what?
1463
01:10:17,844 --> 01:10:19,044
We'd best skedaddle.
1464
01:10:19,045 --> 01:10:22,547
So, excuse us.
1465
01:10:29,389 --> 01:10:34,489
Friends, family, Ludmila...
take a good look at me now
1466
01:10:35,929 --> 01:10:39,666
because this could be the
last time you see me alive.
1467
01:10:39,667 --> 01:10:43,003
Just know that I love you
and I did it for you.
1468
01:10:43,004 --> 01:10:48,104
And to the kappa O’s...
buckle up, bitches.
1469
01:10:51,579 --> 01:10:56,679
We 'bout to ride
your asses to hell.
1470
01:11:30,218 --> 01:11:31,889
♪ Ah ♪
1471
01:11:35,789 --> 01:11:36,789
♪ ah-ah ♪
1472
01:11:37,758 --> 01:11:38,758
♪ ah-ah ♪
1473
01:11:39,560 --> 01:11:40,560
♪ ah-ah ♪
1474
01:11:41,596 --> 01:11:42,596
♪ ah-ah ♪
1475
01:11:43,396 --> 01:11:45,198
♪ ah-ah ♪
1476
01:11:45,199 --> 01:11:46,199
♪ ah-ah ♪
1477
01:11:47,168 --> 01:11:48,168
♪ ah-ah ♪
1478
01:11:49,070 --> 01:11:51,637
♪ ah-ah ♪
1479
01:11:51,638 --> 01:11:53,672
Hey, are you guys done
playing grab-ass?
1480
01:11:53,673 --> 01:11:54,440
Almost.
1481
01:11:54,441 --> 01:11:55,976
And what the hell is this?
1482
01:11:55,977 --> 01:11:59,279
Dude, it is what it is.
1483
01:11:59,280 --> 01:12:00,513
You guys need to come upstairs.
1484
01:12:00,514 --> 01:12:02,181
The kitchen looks disgusting.
1485
01:12:02,182 --> 01:12:04,650
Maybe if you play your cards
right and clean up your room,
1486
01:12:04,651 --> 01:12:06,852
you'll get laid tonight...
♪ I'm fixing to hit you ♪
1487
01:12:06,853 --> 01:12:08,989
by girls this time.
1488
01:12:08,990 --> 01:12:10,489
♪ I'm fixing to hit you ♪
1489
01:12:10,490 --> 01:12:13,059
Mary, please help me kill her.
1490
01:12:13,060 --> 01:12:15,861
It's out of the question.
1491
01:12:15,862 --> 01:12:17,430
Hey, I'm getting
another call here.
1492
01:12:17,431 --> 01:12:17,931
Hold on.
1493
01:12:17,932 --> 01:12:20,199
♪ I'm fixing to hit you ♪
1494
01:12:20,200 --> 01:12:21,467
What's up?
1495
01:12:21,468 --> 01:12:24,837
Hey, yeah, Fred's being really
anal right now, but we'll
1496
01:12:24,838 --> 01:12:27,306
be there fairly soon.
1497
01:12:27,307 --> 01:12:30,310
All right.
1498
01:12:30,311 --> 01:12:32,345
Hey, I got to go.
1499
01:12:32,346 --> 01:12:34,547
But if you change your mind,
there will be a bunch of people
1500
01:12:34,548 --> 01:12:37,516
murdering each other
at 1637 Benton.
1501
01:12:37,517 --> 01:12:38,517
So... Bye.
1502
01:12:40,053 --> 01:12:44,356
♪ Da-da-da-da-da
da-da-da-da-da da-da-da ♪
1503
01:12:44,357 --> 01:12:47,060
So, she doesn't care either
way, but, at first, she wasn't
1504
01:12:47,061 --> 01:12:49,061
gonna kill me, but now
she's gonna kill me?
1505
01:12:49,062 --> 01:12:49,930
What the hell?
1506
01:12:49,931 --> 01:12:51,698
Dude, she was always
gonna kill you.
1507
01:12:51,699 --> 01:12:55,034
She just wanted you for herself,
and then she was like, "oh",
1508
01:12:55,035 --> 01:12:56,770
"whatever," you know?
1509
01:12:56,771 --> 01:12:57,870
Fred, it's not you.
1510
01:12:57,871 --> 01:13:01,805
Get down!
1511
01:13:08,749 --> 01:13:09,749
Hey.
1512
01:13:11,052 --> 01:13:12,985
Go tell the girls it's time.
1513
01:13:12,986 --> 01:13:17,130
But we're gonna be here all
night, so don't get caught.
1514
01:13:42,984 --> 01:13:44,016
Where'd Mel go?
1515
01:13:44,017 --> 01:13:45,017
I know.
1516
01:13:45,652 --> 01:13:48,087
This is getting lame!
1517
01:13:48,088 --> 01:13:49,021
Dude, ease up.
1518
01:13:49,022 --> 01:13:52,859
They said blood drive outside...
party on the inside.
1519
01:13:52,860 --> 01:13:53,459
Who cares?
1520
01:13:53,460 --> 01:13:54,461
Let's just go out there.
1521
01:13:54,462 --> 01:13:57,329
No, I'm not gonna run around
like fricking A.C. Slater.
1522
01:13:57,330 --> 01:14:00,367
Dudes, the bitches aren't coming!
1523
01:14:00,368 --> 01:14:01,368
♪ I ♪
1524
01:14:02,169 --> 01:14:05,437
♪ I went to the beach ♪
1525
01:14:05,438 --> 01:14:08,475
♪ the bitch was so hot ♪
1526
01:14:08,476 --> 01:14:10,010
♪ she came to me and said ♪
1527
01:14:10,011 --> 01:14:12,111
♪ do you like the
beach, bitch? ♪
1528
01:14:12,112 --> 01:14:13,747
Sweet.
How do I look?
1529
01:14:13,748 --> 01:14:17,016
Were we supposed
to get dressed up?
1530
01:14:17,017 --> 01:14:18,017
Oh! Ugh!
1531
01:14:18,686 --> 01:14:21,453
Hello, ladies.
1532
01:14:21,454 --> 01:14:23,323
What's up?
1533
01:14:23,324 --> 01:14:25,291
You're all wearing Dracula teeth.
1534
01:14:25,292 --> 01:14:25,891
No shit.
1535
01:14:25,892 --> 01:14:27,360
How do they stay in so good?
1536
01:14:27,361 --> 01:14:29,428
Same as yours, dickface.
1537
01:14:29,429 --> 01:14:30,497
Hey, come upstairs with me.
1538
01:14:30,498 --> 01:14:31,897
I got something I
want to show you.
1539
01:14:31,898 --> 01:14:34,900
Mm. I'd love to, but Carly's
already got dibs on you.
1540
01:14:34,901 --> 01:14:36,468
Is that gonna be a problem?
1541
01:14:36,469 --> 01:14:38,771
Oh, hells, no.
1542
01:14:38,772 --> 01:14:39,772
Come on.
1543
01:14:42,043 --> 01:14:44,711
Raise your hand if you want
to make out with a vampire.
1544
01:14:44,712 --> 01:14:45,345
Me, me, me.
1545
01:14:45,346 --> 01:14:46,546
Oh! Me, me, me.
1546
01:14:46,547 --> 01:14:47,413
Okay, check it out.
1547
01:14:47,414 --> 01:14:49,949
Look, you're gonna take
this girl right here.
1548
01:14:49,950 --> 01:14:51,551
Go upstairs and make love to her.
1549
01:14:51,552 --> 01:14:52,886
Don't have sex... make love.
1550
01:14:52,887 --> 01:14:55,689
And, look, you, buddy, come on,
take this girl right here.
1551
01:14:55,690 --> 01:14:57,627
Um. No, you're a douche bag.
1552
01:15:00,527 --> 01:15:03,797
All right, I'll open the
window from upstairs.
1553
01:15:03,798 --> 01:15:05,198
Can you fly up there?
1554
01:15:05,199 --> 01:15:08,735
I may be king shit, but
I'm not super king shit.
1555
01:15:08,736 --> 01:15:09,936
I'll climb up.
1556
01:15:09,937 --> 01:15:11,104
All right.
1557
01:15:11,105 --> 01:15:12,739
Are we ready to do this?
1558
01:15:12,740 --> 01:15:17,408
Are you ready pound a stake through
the chest of your one true love?
1559
01:15:17,410 --> 01:15:19,178
Why you got to say it like that?
1560
01:15:19,179 --> 01:15:19,979
Hey, hey, hey.
1561
01:15:19,980 --> 01:15:22,649
Tom's trying to get you in the
right frame of mind, okay?
1562
01:15:22,650 --> 01:15:24,516
We can't afford any
hesitations tonight.
1563
01:15:24,517 --> 01:15:27,520
We put in the hours to do this,
and then, like, you're...
1564
01:15:27,521 --> 01:15:29,288
you're upset, but take
it out on yours...
1565
01:15:29,289 --> 01:15:30,923
I'll do what needs to be done.
1566
01:15:30,924 --> 01:15:35,594
Well, let's hope no one
lands there now, I guess.
1567
01:15:39,432 --> 01:15:41,066
Oh!
1568
01:15:41,067 --> 01:15:42,067
Oh.
1569
01:15:42,937 --> 01:15:45,471
Say, Chris, what's the big idea?
1570
01:15:45,472 --> 01:15:47,640
I hate being tripped.
1571
01:15:47,641 --> 01:15:49,909
Sorry, no girls inside tonight.
1572
01:15:49,910 --> 01:15:52,177
I saw kappa O girls
going in there.
1573
01:15:52,178 --> 01:15:55,114
Yeah, it's a kappa O/STD party.
1574
01:15:55,115 --> 01:15:56,783
Aren't they all?
1575
01:15:56,784 --> 01:15:59,519
Too bad you just died.
1576
01:15:59,520 --> 01:16:01,087
♪ The bitch said, "yeah" ♪
1577
01:16:01,088 --> 01:16:04,123
♪ the bitch said, "yeah,
yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah" ♪
1578
01:16:04,124 --> 01:16:05,992
♪ the bitch said, "yeah" ♪
1579
01:16:05,993 --> 01:16:07,392
♪ the bitch said, "yeah" ♪
1580
01:16:07,393 --> 01:16:08,394
♪ the bitch said ♪
1581
01:16:08,395 --> 01:16:09,128
♪ oh, yeah ♪
1582
01:16:09,129 --> 01:16:10,096
♪ hell, yeah ♪
1583
01:16:10,097 --> 01:16:12,332
♪ damn, yeah ♪
1584
01:16:12,333 --> 01:16:15,702
♪ I went to the beach ♪
1585
01:16:15,703 --> 01:16:19,204
Dude, Jared, I thought you said
there'd be plenty to go around.
1586
01:16:19,205 --> 01:16:21,874
Yeah, I did, and
there will be, bro.
1587
01:16:21,875 --> 01:16:24,043
Good, 'cause you totally
screwed me over.
1588
01:16:24,044 --> 01:16:24,677
No, listen.
1589
01:16:24,678 --> 01:16:26,578
I'm gonna take care of you, okay?
1590
01:16:26,579 --> 01:16:28,213
I didn't even give
anything to myself.
1591
01:16:28,214 --> 01:16:29,315
That's how leader I am.
1592
01:16:29,316 --> 01:16:30,048
Where are they?
1593
01:16:30,049 --> 01:16:31,751
What? Oh, look at the douche
1594
01:16:31,752 --> 01:16:33,753
bags, all douched up
for the douche ball.
1595
01:16:33,754 --> 01:16:34,820
Where are the kappa O’s?
1596
01:16:34,821 --> 01:16:36,556
Dude, they're gonna
get with all of us.
1597
01:16:36,557 --> 01:16:38,658
Yeah, and maybe if you guys
sit down and quit working on
1598
01:16:38,659 --> 01:16:40,426
your eagle project, you'll
get some action, too.
1599
01:16:40,427 --> 01:16:41,593
You guys are so stupid!
1600
01:16:41,594 --> 01:16:42,628
They're vampires, okay?
1601
01:16:42,629 --> 01:16:43,762
And they're gonna kill us!
1602
01:16:43,763 --> 01:16:45,632
Yeah, it's super hot, man.
1603
01:16:45,633 --> 01:16:46,231
Where's Kyle?
1604
01:16:46,232 --> 01:16:48,234
He's upstairs,
banging one right now.
1605
01:16:48,235 --> 01:16:49,968
No, don't go up there, dude.
1606
01:16:49,969 --> 01:16:52,204
You're salting his game!
1607
01:16:52,205 --> 01:16:53,839
What the hell is that?
1608
01:16:53,840 --> 01:16:56,810
It's a barricade, jackass.
1609
01:16:56,811 --> 01:16:58,645
♪ Calling me high
on the telephone ♪
1610
01:16:58,646 --> 01:17:02,781
♪ came by plane all alone ♪
1611
01:17:02,782 --> 01:17:07,220
All right, no one leaves until
every vampires is dead.
1612
01:17:07,221 --> 01:17:08,922
♪ ...tell it's not enough ♪
1613
01:17:08,923 --> 01:17:11,790
♪ come and... ♪ ♪
1614
01:17:13,660 --> 01:17:15,528
Kyle, are you in there?
1615
01:17:15,529 --> 01:17:16,529
Open up!
1616
01:17:16,597 --> 01:17:18,498
Dude, I'm kind of busy.
1617
01:17:18,499 --> 01:17:20,233
Dude, she's gonna kill you!
1618
01:17:20,234 --> 01:17:21,568
You can be next.
1619
01:17:21,569 --> 01:17:23,369
Wait. That's jacked up.
1620
01:17:23,370 --> 01:17:25,942
Tom!
1621
01:17:27,842 --> 01:17:29,809
♪ You knew my ideas when
they were in my head ♪
1622
01:17:29,810 --> 01:17:31,511
♪ they were my secret
evening plans ♪
1623
01:17:31,512 --> 01:17:33,913
All right, aim for the heart
and use something heavy.
1624
01:17:33,914 --> 01:17:36,481
Dude, I don't care if you
don't want to get some, but
1625
01:17:36,482 --> 01:17:38,383
don't ruin it for the
rest of us, all right?
1626
01:17:38,384 --> 01:17:40,819
Dude, Tom, Kyle's up there
right now with one of them.
1627
01:17:40,820 --> 01:17:41,654
We got to go save him.
1628
01:17:41,655 --> 01:17:44,690
Hey, bro, just out of curiosity,
just let me know... are you gay?
1629
01:17:44,691 --> 01:17:47,060
That doesn't change this, but just
let me know right now, all right?
1630
01:17:47,061 --> 01:17:49,061
Dude, I am gonna
punch your dick, okay?!
1631
01:17:49,062 --> 01:17:51,931
There are vampire girls in this
house, and they're gonna kill us!
1632
01:17:51,932 --> 01:17:54,667
If any of them come back down
before we're back, hold them
1633
01:17:54,668 --> 01:17:56,369
down and do what you have to do.
1634
01:17:56,370 --> 01:17:59,105
That's what I'm talking about!
1635
01:17:59,106 --> 01:18:00,106
Bam!
1636
01:18:04,143 --> 01:18:05,244
Wait. Wait, wait.
1637
01:18:05,245 --> 01:18:07,881
When should I take my pants off?
1638
01:18:07,882 --> 01:18:08,882
After I leave.
1639
01:18:08,883 --> 01:18:10,388
What?
1640
01:18:16,656 --> 01:18:17,556
Dude.
1641
01:18:17,557 --> 01:18:18,557
Mm.
1642
01:18:19,994 --> 01:18:20,994
Aah! Mnh!
1643
01:18:23,830 --> 01:18:25,364
Aah!
1644
01:18:25,365 --> 01:18:26,365
Kyle!
1645
01:18:27,401 --> 01:18:28,401
Oh, shit!
1646
01:18:34,575 --> 01:18:36,909
Dr. G!
1647
01:18:36,910 --> 01:18:37,910
Dr. G!
1648
01:18:38,745 --> 01:18:39,745
Dr. G!
1649
01:18:40,614 --> 01:18:42,181
Oh! Oh, okay, we're starting.
1650
01:18:42,182 --> 01:18:44,182
We're starting.
1651
01:18:44,183 --> 01:18:47,986
Hey, vampire skank...
Bet you can't catch me.
1652
01:18:47,987 --> 01:18:51,622
I bet I can.
1653
01:18:56,496 --> 01:18:59,930
Aah!
1654
01:19:00,100 --> 01:19:03,069
Better double-check.
1655
01:19:03,070 --> 01:19:04,070
Wait!
1656
01:19:05,172 --> 01:19:06,471
Bite me instead.
1657
01:19:06,472 --> 01:19:11,377
Why... 'cause your jugular
vein's easier to find?
1658
01:19:11,378 --> 01:19:12,378
What?
1659
01:19:13,213 --> 01:19:17,417
What do you want me to do?
1660
01:19:17,418 --> 01:19:20,720
Dude, just tell me what
you want me to do.
1661
01:19:20,721 --> 01:19:21,721
Aah!
1662
01:19:24,590 --> 01:19:25,590
Do it!
1663
01:19:26,860 --> 01:19:27,860
Oh!
1664
01:19:28,495 --> 01:19:29,495
Ohh!
1665
01:19:30,964 --> 01:19:31,964
Does it hurt?
1666
01:19:34,334 --> 01:19:35,334
Yeah.
1667
01:19:35,736 --> 01:19:36,736
Ohh.
1668
01:19:39,706 --> 01:19:41,140
It's official.
1669
01:19:41,141 --> 01:19:43,642
We're murderers.
1670
01:19:43,643 --> 01:19:45,110
You get used to it.
1671
01:19:45,111 --> 01:19:46,111
What?
1672
01:19:46,213 --> 01:19:48,547
Murderers.
1673
01:19:48,548 --> 01:19:49,849
Murders get used to it.
1674
01:19:49,850 --> 01:19:51,217
Dude, don't look at me that way.
1675
01:19:51,218 --> 01:19:55,788
She's my first kill... Promise.
1676
01:19:55,789 --> 01:19:59,257
So, how do you
preserve the blood?
1677
01:19:59,258 --> 01:20:03,029
You're a very
inquisitive young lady.
1678
01:20:03,030 --> 01:20:05,464
Well, I just think I might be
interested in running a blood
1679
01:20:05,465 --> 01:20:06,899
drive some day.
1680
01:20:06,900 --> 01:20:07,900
Mm.
1681
01:20:09,370 --> 01:20:11,770
I mean, they probably have to
pee, but I doubt they ever have
1682
01:20:11,771 --> 01:20:16,372
to take a dump, you know?
1683
01:20:20,114 --> 01:20:21,180
Hi, Fred.
1684
01:20:21,181 --> 01:20:22,181
Hi.
1685
01:20:22,648 --> 01:20:25,618
Um, hey, did you, uh, hear
that we're all just kind of
1686
01:20:25,619 --> 01:20:27,020
making out with different guys?
1687
01:20:27,021 --> 01:20:29,756
That's the word on the streets.
1688
01:20:29,757 --> 01:20:33,726
It's really too bad that
Chris called dibs on you.
1689
01:20:33,727 --> 01:20:36,462
I thought she didn't
care either way.
1690
01:20:36,463 --> 01:20:38,864
Well, I guess it's just kissing.
1691
01:20:38,865 --> 01:20:42,668
I'll make out with you...
But it has to be on my bed.
1692
01:20:42,669 --> 01:20:43,468
Mm.
1693
01:20:43,469 --> 01:20:46,471
♪ Back in town ♪
1694
01:20:46,472 --> 01:20:47,472
Can I watch?
1695
01:20:49,442 --> 01:20:51,711
It's what we do.
1696
01:20:51,712 --> 01:20:53,479
I like to watch.
1697
01:20:53,480 --> 01:20:56,548
Okay, crazy-ass.
1698
01:20:56,549 --> 01:21:01,649
Okay, well, just this way.
1699
01:21:03,356 --> 01:21:06,191
Blood goes... pfft!
1700
01:21:06,192 --> 01:21:07,260
Oh.
1701
01:21:07,261 --> 01:21:09,662
So, should we just
start making out?
1702
01:21:09,663 --> 01:21:11,963
Well, why don't you
lay down on the bed?
1703
01:21:11,964 --> 01:21:15,333
And I will get on top of you.
1704
01:21:15,334 --> 01:21:17,970
You've got this all
planned out, don't you?
1705
01:21:17,971 --> 01:21:20,705
We have a system, and it works.
1706
01:21:20,706 --> 01:21:21,406
I'm down.
1707
01:21:21,407 --> 01:21:25,977
♪ If you want to make out,
you'd better come alone ♪
1708
01:21:25,978 --> 01:21:30,483
♪ totally senseless I'm
gonna drive you to ♪
1709
01:21:30,484 --> 01:21:31,117
Straighten.
1710
01:21:31,118 --> 01:21:34,854
♪ When I'm ready to
dance with you ♪
1711
01:21:34,855 --> 01:21:35,788
Oh.
1712
01:21:35,789 --> 01:21:36,789
Dr. G?
1713
01:21:36,824 --> 01:21:38,024
What are you doing here?
1714
01:21:38,025 --> 01:21:41,694
Oh, um... Just... just
getting my frisbee.
1715
01:21:41,695 --> 01:21:42,962
Do you play ultimate?
1716
01:21:42,963 --> 01:21:43,729
No.
1717
01:21:43,730 --> 01:21:46,399
Ah, you know,
neither does Maggie.
1718
01:21:46,400 --> 01:21:47,833
She feels pretty bad about it.
1719
01:21:47,834 --> 01:21:51,837
Check this out.
1720
01:21:51,838 --> 01:21:54,039
See her?
1721
01:21:54,040 --> 01:21:55,240
Whoops-a-Daisy!
1722
01:21:55,241 --> 01:21:56,241
Whoa-oh!
1723
01:21:57,578 --> 01:22:02,678
Better double-check.
1724
01:22:06,285 --> 01:22:07,285
Looking good.
1725
01:22:10,190 --> 01:22:13,592
Hey, you guys, get a room, huh?
1726
01:22:13,593 --> 01:22:15,160
Hey, don't kiss his neck.
1727
01:22:15,161 --> 01:22:16,863
He's ticklish.
1728
01:22:16,864 --> 01:22:19,431
I wasn't going to.
1729
01:22:19,432 --> 01:22:21,300
Now!
1730
01:22:21,301 --> 01:22:24,401
Aah!
1731
01:22:25,138 --> 01:22:26,973
Dude, get off now.
1732
01:22:41,655 --> 01:22:42,989
Hey, side boob.
1733
01:22:42,990 --> 01:22:43,722
Where's Chris?
1734
01:22:43,723 --> 01:22:44,723
Aah! Geez!
1735
01:22:46,560 --> 01:22:48,561
We haven't seen her.
1736
01:22:48,562 --> 01:22:51,230
You scared me, Dr. G.
1737
01:22:51,231 --> 01:22:55,898
Later, bitches.
1738
01:22:59,606 --> 01:23:00,606
Mom?
1739
01:23:01,374 --> 01:23:03,609
♪ Uh-huh, I like it ♪
1740
01:23:03,610 --> 01:23:07,279
♪ uh-huh, I like it ♪
1741
01:23:07,280 --> 01:23:09,916
Why do you hate me, God?!
1742
01:23:09,917 --> 01:23:10,716
Shh. Hey.
1743
01:23:10,717 --> 01:23:14,052
Hey, stupids.
1744
01:23:14,053 --> 01:23:15,620
I saw what you did
in the backyard.
1745
01:23:15,621 --> 01:23:17,422
Yeah, did you see what
we did to Samantha?
1746
01:23:17,423 --> 01:23:19,792
No. Did you see
what we did to Jared?
1747
01:23:19,793 --> 01:23:21,761
He's right there.
1748
01:23:21,762 --> 01:23:23,596
So, did you see him?
1749
01:23:23,597 --> 01:23:25,230
♪ Come on over here ♪
1750
01:23:25,231 --> 01:23:27,971
Get Fred. Kill Tom.
1751
01:23:31,871 --> 01:23:32,871
Whoa.
1752
01:23:33,472 --> 01:23:35,474
Hickory. Damn it!
1753
01:23:35,475 --> 01:23:36,441
Come on, Tom.
1754
01:23:36,442 --> 01:23:41,542
It'll be a lot more fun
if you don't fight it.
1755
01:23:41,682 --> 01:23:46,185
I hope you know this
is an automatic flunk.
1756
01:23:46,186 --> 01:23:47,019
Who is it?
1757
01:23:47,020 --> 01:23:48,020
It's Chris.
1758
01:23:48,054 --> 01:23:49,321
Open the door.
1759
01:23:49,322 --> 01:23:50,322
Hold it.
1760
01:23:52,359 --> 01:23:53,959
There's a barricade.
1761
01:23:53,960 --> 01:23:56,761
Well, move it.
1762
01:23:56,762 --> 01:23:58,931
♪ Uh-huh, I like it ♪
1763
01:23:58,932 --> 01:23:59,731
♪ uh-huh, I like it ♪
1764
01:23:59,732 --> 01:24:01,667
Hyah!
Aah!
1765
01:24:01,668 --> 01:24:03,468
♪ Uh-huh, I like it ♪
1766
01:24:03,469 --> 01:24:05,570
♪ uh-huh, I like it ♪
1767
01:24:05,571 --> 01:24:08,406
♪ uh-huh, I... ♪
1768
01:24:08,407 --> 01:24:11,276
You're such a pervert
with your giant camera!
1769
01:24:11,277 --> 01:24:11,877
What?
1770
01:24:11,878 --> 01:24:14,980
You know, if it wasn't for
that, I probably would have
1771
01:24:14,981 --> 01:24:17,216
asked you to winter formal.
1772
01:24:17,217 --> 01:24:18,016
You would have?
1773
01:24:18,017 --> 01:24:21,553
Yeah. But now I'm going
to suck your blood.
1774
01:24:21,554 --> 01:24:24,422
Wait, wait, wait! Wait!
1775
01:24:24,423 --> 01:24:26,492
Don't you want to know
what I would have said?
1776
01:24:26,493 --> 01:24:28,561
What would you have said?
1777
01:24:28,562 --> 01:24:30,296
Hells no, biznatch!
1778
01:24:30,297 --> 01:24:31,297
Mnh!
1779
01:24:35,736 --> 01:24:36,788
Writhe it out.
1780
01:24:38,905 --> 01:24:39,905
Sorry.
1781
01:24:41,607 --> 01:24:45,577
I probably would have said yes.
1782
01:24:48,181 --> 01:24:49,790
Sorry, ladies.
1783
01:24:56,690 --> 01:24:59,425
Open it already!
1784
01:24:59,426 --> 01:25:01,260
Mrs. Keller?
1785
01:25:01,261 --> 01:25:02,727
Fred green, is that you?
1786
01:25:02,728 --> 01:25:04,797
What are you doing here?
1787
01:25:04,798 --> 01:25:05,897
Same thing as you.
1788
01:25:05,898 --> 01:25:09,601
You came to help murder Chris?
1789
01:25:09,602 --> 01:25:11,407
Yeah.
1790
01:25:29,755 --> 01:25:31,022
Oh, you found him.
1791
01:25:31,023 --> 01:25:32,925
♪ They're easy pickings
at the discotheque ♪
1792
01:25:32,926 --> 01:25:34,526
You dyed your hair.
1793
01:25:34,527 --> 01:25:37,062
Hey, look what Fred did.
1794
01:25:37,063 --> 01:25:38,897
Pull it out, ho-bag.
1795
01:25:38,898 --> 01:25:40,565
I wanted to show you guys first.
1796
01:25:40,566 --> 01:25:42,168
♪ And they never, ever check ♪
1797
01:25:42,169 --> 01:25:42,901
Oh, cute.
1798
01:25:42,902 --> 01:25:43,903
You dyed your hair.
1799
01:25:43,904 --> 01:25:45,471
♪ ...that I leave in the neck ♪
1800
01:25:45,472 --> 01:25:48,140
♪ well, if they were wise... ♪
1801
01:25:48,141 --> 01:25:51,843
It's Chris' mom.
1802
01:25:51,844 --> 01:25:53,111
Come get some, bitches.
1803
01:25:53,112 --> 01:25:55,748
♪ Drac's back ♪
1804
01:25:55,749 --> 01:25:57,283
♪ I want to suck your ♪
1805
01:25:57,284 --> 01:25:59,517
♪ whoo ♪
1806
01:25:59,518 --> 01:26:00,418
♪ Dracula ♪
1807
01:26:00,419 --> 01:26:01,153
♪ Drac's back ♪
1808
01:26:01,154 --> 01:26:03,823
Somebody throw me a stake!
Ah!
1809
01:26:03,824 --> 01:26:04,923
♪ I want to suck your ♪
1810
01:26:04,924 --> 01:26:05,591
♪ whoo ♪
1811
01:26:05,592 --> 01:26:06,592
Now!
1812
01:26:06,860 --> 01:26:08,793
♪ Dracula ♪
1813
01:26:08,794 --> 01:26:12,431
♪ I'm gonna wait for you
on Saturday night ♪
1814
01:26:12,432 --> 01:26:14,266
♪ I'm gonna give your neck... ♪
1815
01:26:14,267 --> 01:26:15,467
♪ ...a great, big bite ♪
1816
01:26:15,468 --> 01:26:18,037
Come on, Fred! Do it!
1817
01:26:18,038 --> 01:26:21,172
Come on, stick it in her!
1818
01:26:21,173 --> 01:26:22,240
I give up. I give up.
1819
01:26:22,241 --> 01:26:23,542
I give up. I give up.
1820
01:26:23,543 --> 01:26:24,543
Wait.
1821
01:26:24,643 --> 01:26:25,643
She's lying.
1822
01:26:25,779 --> 01:26:30,879
I know, but I've
got a better idea.
1823
01:26:32,619 --> 01:26:33,953
I didn't want it to go to waste.
1824
01:26:33,954 --> 01:26:35,053
♪ I want to suck your ♪
1825
01:26:35,054 --> 01:26:35,855
♪ whoo ♪
1826
01:26:35,856 --> 01:26:36,622
Where's Tom?
1827
01:26:36,623 --> 01:26:37,623
Ohh!
1828
01:26:37,790 --> 01:26:42,125
Let it happen.
1829
01:26:43,262 --> 01:26:44,262
♪ Whoo ♪
1830
01:26:44,830 --> 01:26:46,297
♪ Dracula ♪
1831
01:26:46,298 --> 01:26:48,934
♪ Drac's back ♪
1832
01:26:48,935 --> 01:26:50,403
♪ I want to suck your ♪
1833
01:26:50,404 --> 01:26:52,437
♪ whoo ♪
1834
01:26:52,438 --> 01:26:53,739
She was in love with me.
1835
01:26:53,740 --> 01:26:57,309
♪ They're not hung over,
they're just vampire who rest ♪
1836
01:26:57,310 --> 01:26:58,878
He's dead, dude.
1837
01:26:58,879 --> 01:27:00,212
Damn it!
1838
01:27:00,213 --> 01:27:03,748
Guess who killed the nurse
lady and stole all the blood.
1839
01:27:03,749 --> 01:27:04,315
Chris.
1840
01:27:04,316 --> 01:27:07,119
Why would she do that?
1841
01:27:07,120 --> 01:27:10,355
She's a super vampire, and
she's gonna drink it all.
1842
01:27:10,356 --> 01:27:12,525
What for?
1843
01:27:12,526 --> 01:27:14,526
To turn all the
donors into vampires.
1844
01:27:14,527 --> 01:27:16,494
What a bitch!
1845
01:27:16,495 --> 01:27:20,999
Mm, good... good bitch.
1846
01:27:21,000 --> 01:27:24,235
We have to stop her, right?
1847
01:27:24,236 --> 01:27:28,237
Yeah.
1848
01:27:28,575 --> 01:27:30,176
♪ Whoo ♪
1849
01:27:30,177 --> 01:27:31,444
♪ Dracula ♪
1850
01:27:31,445 --> 01:27:35,212
♪ Drac's back ♪
1851
01:27:39,886 --> 01:27:42,221
You don't have to do this, Mary.
1852
01:27:42,222 --> 01:27:44,824
I think I do.
1853
01:27:44,825 --> 01:27:45,958
Don't worry.
1854
01:27:45,959 --> 01:27:49,498
We will look back in a few
centuries, and we will laugh.
1855
01:27:52,398 --> 01:27:54,699
But right now, this is
really, really sad.
1856
01:27:54,700 --> 01:27:56,368
Well, let's just
get this over with.
1857
01:27:56,369 --> 01:28:01,403
Okeydokey.
1858
01:28:20,494 --> 01:28:21,760
Chris?
1859
01:28:21,761 --> 01:28:23,634
In here.
1860
01:28:29,102 --> 01:28:33,672
Chris, what are you doing?
1861
01:28:33,673 --> 01:28:36,742
Cutting this blood
with some monster.
1862
01:28:36,743 --> 01:28:37,309
Mmm.
1863
01:28:37,310 --> 01:28:38,843
Where did you get it?
1864
01:28:38,844 --> 01:28:40,212
Where do you think?
1865
01:28:40,213 --> 01:28:42,280
I saw you drive by
when I left the party.
1866
01:28:42,281 --> 01:28:44,449
Okay, Chris, we have to talk.
1867
01:28:44,450 --> 01:28:47,052
What do you want to talk about?
1868
01:28:47,053 --> 01:28:48,988
Why do you have all that blood?
1869
01:28:48,989 --> 01:28:50,321
I'm making vampires.
1870
01:28:50,322 --> 01:28:52,490
It's not rocket science.
1871
01:28:52,491 --> 01:28:54,426
Those people have lives.
1872
01:28:54,427 --> 01:28:57,596
Yeah, and now
they'll last forever.
1873
01:28:57,597 --> 01:29:00,498
Chris, you're a
really evil vampire.
1874
01:29:00,499 --> 01:29:01,499
No shit.
1875
01:29:01,935 --> 01:29:05,604
I love killing people, and I love
making other people kill people.
1876
01:29:05,605 --> 01:29:07,205
It's funny to me.
1877
01:29:07,206 --> 01:29:08,774
Oh, I'll slit my wrists.
1878
01:29:08,775 --> 01:29:12,343
This is the most boring conversation
I've ever had in my life.
1879
01:29:12,344 --> 01:29:15,647
I'm sorry, Chris.
1880
01:29:15,648 --> 01:29:18,684
This is all my fault.
1881
01:29:18,685 --> 01:29:19,685
Now!
1882
01:29:23,255 --> 01:29:25,062
Aah! Aah! Aah!
1883
01:29:28,962 --> 01:29:29,962
Tom?
1884
01:29:30,496 --> 01:29:31,496
Tom.
1885
01:29:33,532 --> 01:29:34,300
Tom.
1886
01:29:34,301 --> 01:29:35,301
Dr. G!
1887
01:29:37,036 --> 01:29:39,741
G, she's biting me.
1888
01:29:43,243 --> 01:29:47,178
Mary, the stake, now!
1889
01:29:47,179 --> 01:29:47,946
Mary, do it!
1890
01:29:47,947 --> 01:29:48,780
Push it through.
1891
01:29:48,781 --> 01:29:50,748
No, I can't.
1892
01:29:50,749 --> 01:29:55,788
What a chickenshit!
1893
01:29:55,789 --> 01:29:56,789
Ohh!
1894
01:29:57,790 --> 01:29:58,790
Oh!
1895
01:30:02,361 --> 01:30:05,663
Ah, good... good hit, Fred.
1896
01:30:05,664 --> 01:30:07,632
I'm so sorry, Chris.
1897
01:30:07,633 --> 01:30:08,601
It's okay.
1898
01:30:08,602 --> 01:30:12,837
I never would have killed you
if you weren't a vampire.
1899
01:30:12,838 --> 01:30:13,838
I know.
1900
01:30:15,909 --> 01:30:21,009
But I was gonna kill you... But
not before I gave you this.
1901
01:30:26,319 --> 01:30:29,421
I made you a mix for your iPod.
1902
01:30:29,422 --> 01:30:32,224
It's on that flash drive.
1903
01:30:32,225 --> 01:30:34,827
You were gonna give me
this and then kill me?
1904
01:30:34,828 --> 01:30:38,830
I was gonna flip a coin.
1905
01:30:38,831 --> 01:30:43,931
I'll listen to it when I jog.
1906
01:30:44,036 --> 01:30:45,036
Wayne...
1907
01:30:46,905 --> 01:30:51,342
you were the best I ever had.
1908
01:30:51,343 --> 01:30:52,477
Uh, thank you.
1909
01:30:52,478 --> 01:30:55,814
Thank you.
1910
01:30:55,815 --> 01:30:56,781
Mom.
1911
01:30:56,782 --> 01:30:57,782
Yeah, honey?
1912
01:30:58,718 --> 01:31:02,587
You're not a chickenshit.
1913
01:31:02,588 --> 01:31:03,588
Oh!
1914
01:31:05,357 --> 01:31:06,357
Unh.
1915
01:31:12,398 --> 01:31:14,099
I had a dream we killed Chris.
1916
01:31:14,100 --> 01:31:16,668
Holy shit, we killed Chris.
1917
01:31:16,669 --> 01:31:21,769
She made me a mix.
1918
01:31:29,348 --> 01:31:32,156
No, no.
1919
01:31:36,056 --> 01:31:38,190
Let's go check the fridge.
1920
01:31:38,191 --> 01:31:41,760
I'm... I'm not hungry.
1921
01:31:41,761 --> 01:31:46,861
Oh, maybe something light, like a
yogurt or something... Parfait.
1922
01:31:49,401 --> 01:31:51,880
Bye.
1923
01:32:01,780 --> 01:32:06,784
There's nothing in here
but blood and monster.
1924
01:32:06,785 --> 01:32:10,622
I guess I'll have a monster.
1925
01:32:10,623 --> 01:32:14,426
Hey, you want one?
1926
01:32:14,427 --> 01:32:17,162
Looks like we have to
kill some vampires.
1927
01:32:17,163 --> 01:32:18,868
How many?
1928
01:32:25,370 --> 01:32:30,470
That son of a gun.
1929
01:32:55,200 --> 01:32:57,936
♪ You think the birds are pretty ♪
1930
01:32:57,937 --> 01:33:01,339
♪ and you sleep eight
hours a night ♪
1931
01:33:01,340 --> 01:33:06,440
♪ and I'm fog, out of the city,
and still you stake it all ♪
1932
01:33:06,678 --> 01:33:09,647
♪ and trains stop for you
and so do the boys ♪
1933
01:33:09,648 --> 01:33:12,517
♪ when you run your fingers
through your hair ♪
1934
01:33:12,518 --> 01:33:16,724
♪ but resistance is futile ♪
1935
01:33:18,624 --> 01:33:23,724
♪ and I am gonna
drink your blood ♪
1936
01:33:24,798 --> 01:33:29,898
♪ and I am gonna
drink your blood ♪
1937
01:33:30,469 --> 01:33:35,569
♪ and I am gonna
drink your blood ♪
1938
01:33:36,609 --> 01:33:41,709
♪ and I am gonna drink your blood ♪
1939
01:34:07,472 --> 01:34:08,140
♪ just breathe ♪
1940
01:34:08,141 --> 01:34:09,106
♪ just breathe ♪
1941
01:34:09,107 --> 01:34:10,374
♪ and mouth "goodbye" ♪
1942
01:34:10,375 --> 01:34:15,475
♪ if you want, I'll
give you eternal life ♪
1943
01:34:18,484 --> 01:34:22,354
♪ well, not so much life, but
have you ever seen a good
1944
01:34:22,355 --> 01:34:25,257
zombie movie? ♪
1945
01:34:25,258 --> 01:34:28,025
♪ well, like that, but
you'll be smarter ♪
1946
01:34:28,026 --> 01:34:30,561
♪ and you'll stay 23 ♪
1947
01:34:30,562 --> 01:34:35,662
♪ and I am gonna
drink your blood ♪
1948
01:34:36,636 --> 01:34:41,736
♪ and I just want to
drink your blood ♪
1949
01:34:42,575 --> 01:34:47,675
♪ and I am gonna
drink your blood ♪
1950
01:34:48,615 --> 01:34:53,715
♪ and I just want to
drink your blood ♪
1951
01:35:18,544 --> 01:35:23,644
♪ and I am gonna drink your blood ♪
1952
01:35:24,683 --> 01:35:29,783
♪ and I am gonna drink your blood ♪
1953
01:35:30,722 --> 01:35:35,822
♪ and I am gonna drink your blood ♪
1954
01:35:36,529 --> 01:35:41,629
♪ and I am gonna drink your blood ♪135724
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