All language subtitles for The Ricky Gervais Show s03e10 Society.eng

For the past few years, Ricky
Gervais, Stephen Merchant, and Karl Pilkington

have been meeting regularly for a
series of pointless conversations.

This is one of them.

Testing.
Is that all right?

3?

Hello, and welcome to The Ricky
Gervais Show, with me, Ricky Gervais,

Stephen Merchant...
Hello.

And a little round-headed buffoon.
That is... Karl Pilkington.

Right.

Sync & corrections by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com

In ancient Greece, every year,
500 people would be selected

from that Grecian society, and they
would have to sit there,

that year, and they would propose laws,
and everyone else would vote on them.

Now if you were in that position,
right, you're called up...

What rules and laws
are you instigating?

You might go, right, I want, uh,
I want an egalitarian society.

I want freedom for people.
I don't want slavery.

I don't want any sort of oppression.
Would that be high on your list?

You could say,
you know, when I...

Worked at Cordon Bleu, there
was times when I thought,

"God, being treated like
a slave here." Mmm.

You weren't though because you being paid
and you were free. Definitely not a slave.

So...
Definitely not a slave.

What do you mean? I wasn't free. I
was on like from, from 9:00-6:00.

But you had the choice to leave the job.
Slaves didn't have a choice to leave.

I didn't have a choice.
Yeah, you did, yeah.

The only other choice was Tesco and
they had already turned me down.

No, that's not, that's not,
that wasn't, that wasn't...

There was no choice, that's why.
Yeah.

That wasn't the lack of choice given
to most slaves. But the slaves...

The slaves who built the Pyramids,
that wasn't an option for them.

It wasn't like they could go...

"Right, I could get a
better gig on the Sphinx."

Yeah. Yeah.

I'm just saying... No
you're not saying anything.

You're saying absolute
drivel again. Um...

Here's a little Greek
proverb for you.

"A society grows great

"When old men plant trees whose shade
they know they shall never sit in."

What did you think of that?

Do you understand?

Yeah. Just saying, uh...
They're planting a seed.

They grow a tree,
but trees take ages.

Yeah. Yeah.
Takes a long time.

That old fella is not gonna get
any joy out of that. Right.

- But if he's lucky...
- Yeah.

Fella next door might have
done the same years ago.

So it's all about, sort of planting
a seed, looking after each other.

That's great actually. It's not, I don't
think it's directly what it means.

It's almost. It's almost the point.
Yeah. Yeah.

That's good. Yeah, I think he means
that future generations. But, yeah...

If, yeah... If the next door neighbor had
done that, then uh, yeah, that works as well.

But that's, but you seem to
agree that that's a good point.

Do you agree that seems
a good point to you?

Um, but I'm, I'm sort of guessing
he enjoyed gardening anyway.

Part of the enjoyment
was in planting that seed.

Right. Ok. We see now. Oh, it's the
old metaphor problem again, isn't it?

I know, yeah. It's not
specifically about trees.

But, but as a metaphor,
what he enjoyed...

Is the fact that he's added
to society and human life,

and he's got a legacy
and all that, so.

But by the same time, when
I went to Ibiza, right.

Now there, they have motorbikes,
people flying around on them.

People don't wear helmets. You might
even get three people on a moped.

I saw a farmer with
a goat in a basket.

They don't care. They're
whizzing around at high speeds.

Lot of deaths there.

Yeah.

Um, and they'll have a lot of them,
them see, at, those areas where...

Someone's come
off, been killed.

People put flowers there.

Yeah.

And, because that happens a lot,
it's a lovely green island.

Now here, we're saying...

Whoa... What?

Are you saying that all the deaths
make it nice because there's flowers?

It makes it lovely. Because there's
loads of flowers everywhere.

So with death, comes beauty.

So that's another metaphor.
You can have that one.

- That was one of the most tortuous
things I've ever... - Now...

That was extraordinary.

But look, look at London.

That was extraordinary, Karl.

Right. Karl,
Karl, so...

Well look at London. Let me finish my point.
But, that's a very good point.

Let him finish his point. Let him finish.
I'm intrigued. Yeah.

Right. London. Councilor
with his clipboard.

Need a speed bump here.
Saw someone doing 35.

Put some traffic lights there
and a pedestrian crossing.

Pelican crossing there as
well. And a speed camera.

Right.
Horrible and gray.

Okay.
No flowers.

But you still see flowers left behind where
people have died in terrible accidents.

You see that all the time.
Not many good ones.

It's stuck to a lamppost with
an elastic band around them.

- They don't look nice.
- He's noted the quality of flowers.

Yeah, but the point is,
the point is... Wow.

Some 15-year-old got run down, and you're
disappointed at the quality of the flowers.

Look at this, Suzanne.
Fella lost his head here.

Geraniums. Geraniums!

Fella lost his bloody head!

Fuckin hell...
So we have to, we have to...

Encourage gun crime so that
people get shot in inner cities,

and then we can put flowers
up and beautify the area.

Is that what you're saying?

No, but if an area's nicer
to look in, nicer to be in.

If it's nicer looking, um...

You don't get people
speeding around like lunatics.

Because they go, I,
I'm not in a rush.

I'd quite like to slow down there and look at the flowers.
But, this is so complicated.

So, now what you're saying is,
because an area is grey and gloomy,

people speed around
to get out of it.

And in the course of doing
that, they knock people down.

But then flowers are put up which
then makes the area beautiful.

Thus stopping people driving around
at speed so death no longer occurs.

Well, they keep having to get
out of their cars to put down flowers.

- And they get knocked down...
- Yeah.

...by other people on their
way to put some flowers down.

Yeah. Just sometimes people
have to die, don't they?

There was a fellow outside
our house hit a lamppost.

He had a helmet
on, but his head come off.

You made me laugh at a man's head coming off.
Just the way you said it.

But, but, that's the thing...

He had a,
he, he had a... Oh, God.

There's a man.
Right by my house.

He hit a lamp post.

He had a helmet on.
But his head come off.

So you're saying that because in that one
instance, the helmet did not save his life?

His head was in great condition.
It's just not attached to his body.

And that's what
I'm saying to you.

Sometimes people have to die.

How far, how far do you tackle all
this stuff of, of you know...

Safety gear, and slowing down, and
wear bright clothes at night, and...

It's just too much.

Very important
point, you see.

Do you think someone should be
made to wear a crash helmet?

They're only
hurting themselves.

Uh...
Crash helmet.

I don't think you should get
fined for not wearing one.

Don't forget, we're not just protecting him.

He could be a father
with two kids.

So you're going, oh,
let him die...

If he doesn't want to wear a crash helmet.
Let him. Let him get brain damaged.

Is that what you're saying?

I'm just saying, we're, we're
over the top in this country,

when it comes to that sort of thing.
No but you, so you're saying,

if you're saying, no, if he doesn't
want to wear a crash helmet,

let him not wear
a crash helmet.

He smacks his
head in. He's a vegetable.

He's like that...

Sitting at home, like that. And yet
the two little kids come to you.

You're in charge, don't forget.

We've put you in charge of society here.
And they come to you.

Two little
kids. They go,

President Pilkington.
What?

Why did you let my daddy wear
the...not wear the crash helmet?

I didn't. We paid, uh, we put
leaflets through the door.

We had adverts
on the telly, Sunshine.

Yeah but, but why?
It's your dad's fault.

But why wasn't it compulsory?

Because he would, his...

It's not the world
we live in, Sonny.

Yeah it is. Now I
haven't got a daddy.

Has he got a helmet at all? Have you
seen that helmet knocking about?

No he's, he's just a vegetable now.
Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, he didn't want
to wear a crash helmet.

But why didn't you make
him wear a crash helmet?

It wasn't just him, it was us.

Why did you, why did you
turn my daddy into a vegetable?

Where's your mom?

Mom, mom, mom left when...

He kept going on about not wearing
a crash helmet. And she...

All right, then. Gonna
put you in a home.

I just think, you see
this is the problem.

Everyone's looking
for someone to blame.

Yes, but, this is interesting
though because...

You, you were particularly
curt to that...

Little 4-year-old-boy who
seemed so sweet and adorable.

Yeah. Yeah.

But why wasn't he giving
this stick to his dad?

Well, his dad's
dead. He's a vegetable.

He's dead... He's
good as dead to him.

His dad went
within the law.

It was not the law to wear a crash
helmet anymore, because you said,

"Forget it. I don't
want a nanny state."

I don't want, if you wear
a crash helmet or not.

He wasn't a responsible parent. He hadn't
thought it through. But this is your job.

Some people aren't responsible.
Society keeps them in, on track.

This was your, you were in charge. You
should have made him wear a crash helmet.

He had two kids.

We've heard from one of the kids.
What's the other one's attitude?

Is he, he's the younger one?
He's a bit younger.

He's even younger still.

- Yeah. Oh.
- President Pilkington.

My brother's crying now,
because you've shouted at him.

I wish you'd have made my
daddy wear a crash helmet.

Why didn't you make your
daddy wear a crash helmet?

Well, he won't listen to me because
I'm not in charge of society.

Well, he didn't listen to me.
Yeah, but...

He seems like a bit of a, a numb nut to be honest.
No, he did listen to you.

What did he do for a living?
Because you made a new rule,

saying people don't have
to wear crash helmets.

Right, right. What...
And he listened to you.

Well, did he, did he pop shoes on
in the morning when he went out?

Or did I need to be here to
tell him to do that as well?

Well no, there's
certain things...

Oh, so he has got some common sense then.
Well he's...

All right, interesting. Yeah.

So he can be bothered with his trainers,
but he can't be bothered with helmet.

Now I
haven't got daddy.

Jesus.

Why can't they just put a leaflet
through saying, "Hello everyone.

"Use your
common sense."

Yeah. Because...
That's all I'm asking.

That's what I'd say
if I was President.

Because some people
don't have common sense.

Everyone's got common sense. Some
people are fucking idiots, mate!

Yes. That's why there's, yeah.
Then it's not my fault then.

That's why there is a government.
Not my fault.

If we let, if we let people alone,
they'd be fucking idiots...

It's what we've talked about
here. Social responsibility.

This is your approach. I wash
my hands of the whole affair.

Yeah. I'd, I'd hope that the
people who don't wear a helmet,

sort of they do themselves in,
and that's cleared them off.

That's one problem sorted.

So you think, you're
being Darwinian.

You're thinking,
survival of the fittest.

Yeah. The idiots will
soon, but they don't...

Because they're not just the victims.
The dead person isn't the victim.

We've talked about it before. You know,
people who smoke know that it's dangerous.

But why
is that still legal?

And yet people know that,
and they still smoke.

Fat people know that they're gonna
get out of breath and clammy...

And yet they still eat more.

But, because that's
what I'm saying.

Why don't we stop
fat people eating?

If you got a smackhead and
you really love him, you intervene.

You grab him, you put
him in a cupboard.

You go, you're not coming out. He goes mad
for about a year, then he thanks you for it.

Yeah. So lock fat
people in a cupboard?

And just put carrots under the door.
What? You can't get 'em in.

The thing is, there's gotta
be some responsibility.

Now if it's your own fat kid,
stick him in your cupboard.

But what I'm saying
is as a councilor,

I'm not spending taxpayers' money
on cupboards to put the fat kid in.

Obviously in China, you can only
have, uh, one child, can't you?

Is that something you feel
we should bring in here?

Uh, yeah, I think we, we've got to
um, I don't know about one kid.

I, I just sort of concentrate
on who can have a kid.

Okay. As opposed to, you know,

if someone's got a load of money and
they're good at looking after kids.

Let Madonna have as
many as she wants.

But if you're someone
who's, who's...

Oh, yeah,
but then, but then...

So social engineering
you want to do there.

Yeah, but then, but hold
on there, this is...

But what use are they then? If you're bringing
them into a poor family, what's the point?

What good
is that for anyone?

It's not good for the people
who have had the kids.

So who's deciding who's allowed
to have how many kids?

Are you deciding?

Yeah, but I, I was, I was brought
into the poor family, wasn't I?

Uh...
What?

I was brought
into a poor family.

Yeah, but I'm talking,
I'm talking really poor.

So, Third World?

No.

What, poorer than that?
Poorer than no money at all?

I just mean like the people that I've
told you about on the estate sometimes.

You had that one who
chased cars and stuff.

He wasn't happy. They didn't care if
he was there or not. What's the point?

Wait, so hang on.
Sorry.

So let's imagine that Ricky and I are
husband and wife. We've come in, right.

What's your questions to
us to establish whether we,

- we're allowed to have a couple of kids?
- Hello.

Hello. Thanks for, thanks for coming.
Um, me and my husband,

um, we, we can't have children.

Why not? Uh, cause he's,
he's got no sperm at all.

He had one sperm and it was, it
was ridiculous. It was awful.

It just came out
like a dead anchovy.

Right. What's... And are you meant
to have 300 million tiny ones...

And he had one big one. It was horrible.
I had to pull it out.

It was like a leech.

And, uh, and also I've, uh, it was no...
I haven't, I haven't got a vagina.

So it was... Completely smooth
down there like an action man.

Yeah, so there's that. I don't know.
But we, we love children, and um...

Um, we wondered if we, we
could, um, have a child?

What do you do for living?

What do you do?
What's your work?

Uh...

I'm a rapist.

All right, then. And I
dispose of the bodies.

All right. Oh, well
fill out this form.

Um, I should have
clarified. A rapist murderer.

Fill out the form. Yeah. He does
it in the wrong order as well.

I must say so...
Yeah.

Number of times I've disposed of the body,
he said, "I hadn't raped that one."

I know. Just wondered, what
else you need to know about us?

Because even though I... That
was our little joke by the way.

- He doesn't, he doesn't rape.
- Course not.

No, I work in a, I
work in an office...

He works in an office
in, uh, in the town.

But yeah. She's a housewife.
I'm a, I'm a housewife.

I'm making a little nest for when we have
a, we adopt a little, a little child.

We don't earn a great deal of money,
but we're good parents, we think.

We're very good parents. How? What's,
what's that based on? Why...

Well, we're good people, you know. I
mean aside from a few naughty jokes.

We're God-fearing people. We believe
that um, uh, God is watching all of us.

And um, we believe
in the Old Testament.

And sometimes he tells
us to kill and rape.

Yeah, sometimes he does, yeah.

We're joking again. Of course...
We're joking again.

We don't believe
in God. We're, um...

We're from an atheist
and believe that...

Our time on Earth is all we have, and
then when we die we become worm's meat.

Right. Uh, have you
filled out the form?

But we've already, we've already
painted the back bedroom.

That's ready for the little child.
We've painted it black.

Cause um, we, we want our
child to be a Satanist.

- Right.
- Joking again.

Little joke from us. Little joke.

We want him to
be an accountant.

- Right.
- Yeah.

Um...
Gay accountant.

There's too much in society where people
are pressured to be heterosexual.

So we're, we're gonna try
and make ours a homosexual.

Right. So you've filled out the form.
Filled out the form.

Yeah, well uh, we'll pop that
in, get it processed. Right.

Okay, but what kind of questions
are you gonna ask us?

- None, none really.
- None. So you...

It's just my job.

You're happy.
You're happy with us.

Just my job to pass the forms on.
We've passed the interview.

Because the world
we live in now.

Oh, oh God.
Uh...

You've obviously heard of the
famous Rosa Parks incident...

In which, um,
she was obliged...

To move on the bus from where
she was sat to somewhere else.

And she chose not to, and
she was arrested for it.

Became very much a sort of figurehead
of the Civil Rights Movement.

Had you been traveling
on that bus...

What would you do?

Um...

And am I far from where
I am, I'm getting off?

So once again, you can't just
nip out at the next stop.

So you can wash your hands
of the whole affair.

No, you're on that bus. You've
still got a number of stops.

So you've gotta
stay on that bus.

You've seen this bus driver
demanding that she gets up.

Gives up that seat. Maybe she's
given up that seat for you.

Uh, I'd probably go, oh it's all right.
I'm, I'm standing. I'm all right.

What if Suzanne wasn't allowed
to sit with you on buses?

What if, what if
now a law came in

that women were second class citizens,
and she can't come with you?

Wouldn't you go, no, fuck
that. She's sitting with me?

I'd say, we were only
going round the block.

We've been to the, to the shopping center.
Be only 15 minutes.

Can you take that bag with you because
there's no one sat next to you down there?

I'm a bit crammed in up here.

There's more blokes on the
bus. I'll see you in a minute.

Karl, let's put this... I mean obviously
this is too much for your head to...

You're on a bus, right, and there's
a few white people, and they're...

I'm the driver.

And they're being racist
to a black kid.

Right. I go, if I'm
driving, I'd go,

"Lads, stop
that will you?"

If you're gonna be racist, can you get
off at the next stop and do it there?

Well you know, we've all,
we've all had a tough day.

It's the end of the day.
We just all want to go home.

We've all been working.
Uh, he's not in your way.

He's sat in his own seat. Sit back,
calm down, and enough.

Surely you come, surely you want
to be on the side of right.

I'm just doing me job here. I'm sat
driving a bus.

I'm driving a bus for
30 quid a week here.

And getting a load of grief of
some people at the end of the day.

All right. But think bigger than the bus rule.
It's not just a bus thing, all right.

Just imagine that
you're not a bus driver.

All right? Think bigger. No, but
that's what we're talking about here.

But yes, but Ricky's trying to
make a point. It's an analogy.

Again, it's about you taking
some kind of responsibility...

That could put you in harm's way.
You must know what, yeah.

That could mean that you've got to stand up
to danger or to bullies or to aggression.

If someone, if someone's
attacking Suzanne, she goes,

Karl, help. You go, no.
No, I could get hurt.

No, of course not, because
I know the full story here.

But this is what I'm
saying about Rosy...

What do you mean you know the
full story here? Rosy whatsit?

I'm just saying, she sat on the bus.

How did it work? I'll
tell you how it worked.

She got on the bus, she
sat where she wanted.

No, I'll tell you
how it worked.

It was, uh, up to the driver's discretion
to change where black people could sit,

depending on the number of
white passengers that got on.

So she sat in a seat. So more
and more white passengers get on.

So this bloke decides, well no, actually
this is no longer the black section.

There is no black section because there's
enough white people. You've gotta stand up.

Right. And she decided, no.
I'm not gonna get up.

It's my right to be able to sit on this
bus, as a person, as a human being...

Not whether or black or white, and
that was why she got arrested.

On a different bus, on a different day,
it might not have turned out that way.

That's what I'm saying. It might have
been, you know, someone else who goes...

"Get off."

Who's been in right mood. Might
have been in the pub all afternoon.

And
she's there going,

"I'm not moving."

And he's, he's fed up.
He's up to here with it.

Sorry, so
she's pissed up then?

She's pissed up now...
No, no, the person sat next to her.

- Been watching the rugby.
- Yeah.

Might have even been a black bloke,
who's been working hard, and he's like...

"I don't want this."
It's difficult, isn't it?

If I was on there, I'd
weigh her up, you know.

Is this woman doing this as like a good
cause, or is she just a trouble causer?

If she just seemed
like, you know...

"Eh. I'll do
what I want."

Now that's fine. You'll always get
people who do what they want,

and they do change the
little rules along the way.

But I bet when she was doing
it, it wasn't like a big...

Stand up, this is, this is
the day I'm gonna do it.

It's just happened to,
she was fed up that day.

She didn't want
to get up. Lazy.

She might just go around law-breaking
all the time.

And she's remembered now because she's,
she'd made a change about bus seats.

But when she got up that
morning, did she say,

"I'm gonna do that."

Or had she been fly tipping
before she got on the bus?

This is what I'm saying.

Did she just, if she
just stood, you know...

No. No, she's not
a troublemaker.

She's someone who already had a
burgeoning interest in the civil rights.

I mean, I really thought the Rosa Parks
incident was pretty cut and dry.

It's, yeah.

The fact that Karl's managed to find
an ambiguity in it is extraordinary.

I know.
I love it.

Tell me something else
about Rosie Parks.

Oh, for God's sake.

I don't know what she's got
to do to win you round, Karl.

Obviously I didn't realize I had to... I
didn't realize it would be this difficult.

Um, there was a bit of trouble
in our yard the other day.

Right.

Between, uh, a wasp
and a cricket.

Now the thing is, is there
any point to this at all?

Or are you just gonna
tell us you saw a wasp...

Are you gonna extrapolate
some analogy from this?

Uh, I think so.

Okay. Well, let's see.

So there's a wasp
and a cricket?

So do the whole scenario.
The whole scenario. Wasp...

As you said, just to clarify.
As you said, it was kicking off.

Right, okay.
Right, whole scenario.

So you're looking
out your window.

- No. I'm, I'm in the kitchen. By the sink.
- Right. Yeah.

- I'm washing up the few plates.
- Right.

- The kitchen door is open.
- Right.

Suzanne says, "Oh my
God. Look at that."

What?

There's a like a, a wasp and a
cricket having a wrestle.

I've never seen it before.
Right.

What, wait, wait.

Are you sure this wasn't Mexican television
and it actually was a sporting event?

Two people dressed up?
Yeah. Yeah.

So they're there, wrestling.

And it was like, "Well
stop 'em then." So she...

Stop, whoa, whoa, whoa.

You don't interfere
with fucking Rosa Parks.

Why are you interfering
with a wasp and a cricket?

Because, one, I didn't even know
they didn't get on, to be honest.

Because I've,
they were sort of wrestling.

I said, and my hands were wet
so I couldn't do anything.

- I always overdo it with the liquid.
- Course, yeah, sure.

So she, she's there. I say,
break..."Separate them."

Poor Suzanne.

Now, so she uses
a tea towel, flicks 'em.

Flick.
Clever. Good thinking.

Right. The wasp
goes its own way.

The cricket is sort of jumping about a bit.

But who
was fighting who?

So I am sort of saying, "That's
really weird." Because wasps

are changing quicker than anything
else that I keep my eye on.

Okay, well that's just your theory,
and it's not based on anything.

Well, I told you, a couple years
back, I saw one eating chicken.

They shouldn't be doing it.

So, anyway, so now they're
causing trouble with a cricket.

Whoa, how do you know it was the wasp's fault?
This is prejudice.

Why do you think it was the wasp's fault?
What if the cricket would have started it?

What if the cricket's
got a society that go,

"We hate wasps. We
hate their stripes.

"We hate them. If they come
here, fight 'em.

"If everyone comes down here,
fight 'em."

How would you know it wasn't
the cricket that started that?

Well, I suppose at that time I didn't.
But since...

Oh, subsequent information has come through...
Oh, okay, sorry.

This is like Columbo, isn't it?
So anyway...

Yeah.
Mmm.

So I saw all that.
We broke it up.

The cricket was sort
of shaking a bit.

Definitely not.
Definitely not.

- It was shaking a little bit.
- Yeah.

So I sort of prodded it. Put a little
leaf over it, because it was a hot day.

Thought, I'll put a leaf there
so it doesn't get over heated.

I love this. Like he's doing a marathon.
I'll keep an eye on it.

It's got a little, it's
got "Mars" on the leaf.

Right there on the leaf, and now it's
just walking over with a little medal.

So Suzanne, we, you know,
we... I leave it for a bit.

Leave it. What did you say? Get on.
About half an hour.

About left it for half an hour.

What did Suzanne want to do?

She wanted to interfere did she? What did
she want to do, just sort of like...

No, she just sort of said, leave it.
Stop messing with it.

It's probably a little bit knocked
out, a little bit stunned.

Sure, let's get on
with our lives, she said, yeah.

So I put the leaf on it. We go off,
and half an hour later, I get back.

And I said, I'm gonna go and...

Where'd you go?
Where'd you go?

Just for a walk. So I've been out.
Back in. Have a look.

Cricket is still there.
Noticed one of its legs, gone.

Oh.

Don't know if the wasp did
that or that tea towel flick.

Right. Right. Well, this
is when I got the computer out.

Had a look. What happened is,
the wasp apparently does this a lot.

And it stings 'em in the head.

Right,
not this particular...

There wasn't like a little
profile of this particular wasp.

Yeah, yeah. On a kind
of police website...

It's just, it's just an incident that
happens a lot between wasps and crickets.

Right.

So it stung it in the
head, and what happens is,

it's that whole thing that we've talked
about before, where it lays an egg.

Right. So I was, I
was sort of having a look,

seeing if I could see any
sort of holes in its head.

Uh, and it just kept sort of moving its
one leg, like "Oh, I can't handle this."

Well he's got one big leg?
One big leg at the back now.

It's normally got two
that it uses to jump.

So you were worried that crickets
aren't aware of the dangers of wasps?

I just had a look online and saw that,
oh, it's a popular thing that happens.

It's sort of like
a bit of a mugging.

Um, they said, you can leave
'em for about half an hour.

They normally come around, and they don't
know they've had an egg put in their head.

There's no way...
But...

It said, leave 'em for half an
hour and they come around...

There's no way it said that.

But it said they're normally
stunned for about a half hour.

Have you had an egg
put in your head?

Like an ostrich egg, by the look of it.
It's coming out the top.

So anyway, so I picked it up.

I placed it under a little tree.
I said, it's in the shade again.

No wasp can see it there.
Let's just leave it.

Mmm,
yeah, mmm.

But you've just left that cricket
to now die in agony, when that

maggot goes around his head, and comes
out a wasp, and leaves the carcass.

Well this is when Suzanne came
up and said it wasn't moving.

- I sorted it. I just sorted it.
- You sorted it?

What do you mean? You
don't want to say anything else?

What did you mean? Well I said,
what do you mean, you sorted it?

She said, oh, best that I don't tell you.
Read between the lines.

Right, sorry,
sorry...

She said she sorted it.

Wait, wait, wait, wait. Do you think that we're
in the Mafia and we're being wiretapped?

Say what happened.

No, well she just said she sorted it.
And I said, sorted what?

Because I had forgotten about it
at that point. I was painting.

Right. And she said, the...
The cricket.

Right. What do you
think she meant by sorted it?

Well, by the look on her face, the way she
said, I've known her for long enough.

So I know that she meant
it's not good news.

Yeah. So what,
what happened?

So from that, I took for
granted that she means...

Say it!

I've stopped it being...
It's no longer in misery.

So what
do you mean?

- What?
- What did she do?

She crushed his
head. With a stone.

She got a tiny,
head-shaped stone?

Squashed it, because that's
where all the action is, isn't it?

So she said it was, it was
too cruel watching it...

Sort of shaking about
with its one leg and stuff.

Mmm.
Had to kill it.

I imagine, I have this vision
that one day...

Suzanne just having to say to
his parents, um...

- I've sorted it.
- I've sorted it.

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