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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:15,187 --> 00:00:17,655 Announcer: For the past few years Ricky Gervais, 2 00:00:17,723 --> 00:00:20,425 Stephen Merchant and Karl Pilkington 3 00:00:20,459 --> 00:00:22,427 have been meeting regularly 4 00:00:22,461 --> 00:00:24,562 for a series of pointless conversations. 5 00:00:24,596 --> 00:00:26,698 This is one of them. 6 00:00:26,732 --> 00:00:28,232 - Testing. - Is that all right? 7 00:00:28,267 --> 00:00:30,368 ( Dings ) 8 00:00:30,402 --> 00:00:33,571 Hello and welcome to "The Ricky Gervais Show" 9 00:00:33,605 --> 00:00:35,406 with me, Ricky Gervais, Stephen Merchant... 10 00:00:35,474 --> 00:00:38,376 - Hello. - ...And the little round-headed buffoon 11 00:00:38,444 --> 00:00:40,011 that is Karl Pilkington. 12 00:00:40,079 --> 00:00:41,579 Hi. 13 00:00:43,649 --> 00:00:46,918 ( Theme music playing ) 14 00:00:47,419 --> 00:00:50,254 Now everyone knows over the past few years, 15 00:00:50,322 --> 00:00:53,858 my big pet project hasn't been my own career; 16 00:00:54,063 --> 00:00:55,630 it's been get Karl famous. 17 00:00:55,698 --> 00:00:57,665 - Yeah. - I want people to recognize him in the street, 18 00:00:57,733 --> 00:01:00,168 come up to him and say, "you bald-headed manc twat." 19 00:01:00,236 --> 00:01:01,903 Well, let me tell you now, Rick, 20 00:01:01,971 --> 00:01:04,505 I've been out and about, and a lot of people have come up to me and said, 21 00:01:04,540 --> 00:01:06,874 "has Karl Pilkington got a head like a fucking orange?" 22 00:01:06,942 --> 00:01:09,410 And I've had to instantly confirm the answer to be yes. 23 00:01:09,478 --> 00:01:11,212 But he's had a call. 24 00:01:11,280 --> 00:01:14,082 He had a call recently from a film company 25 00:01:14,149 --> 00:01:16,317 asking him if he's got any ideas for movies. 26 00:01:16,385 --> 00:01:19,854 Now how desperate... in what dire straits 27 00:01:19,922 --> 00:01:21,823 must the British film industry be 28 00:01:21,857 --> 00:01:23,825 that they're going, "we need Karl Pilkington. 29 00:01:23,892 --> 00:01:26,027 We have hit rock bottom," 30 00:01:26,095 --> 00:01:27,328 and he went along for an interview? 31 00:01:27,396 --> 00:01:28,930 So what? And you went in, and you... 32 00:01:28,998 --> 00:01:30,932 I went along and, um, 33 00:01:31,000 --> 00:01:33,534 had a meeting. 34 00:01:33,602 --> 00:01:36,738 And they just said, "right, you know." "Got any ideas?" 35 00:01:36,805 --> 00:01:39,140 And so I says, you know, "what are you thinking? 36 00:01:39,208 --> 00:01:40,642 What sort of thing are you after? 37 00:01:40,709 --> 00:01:42,610 Are you after action, thriller, whatever?" 38 00:01:42,678 --> 00:01:44,145 Because you can provide any of that. 39 00:01:44,213 --> 00:01:45,513 I love that he's playing it cool, 40 00:01:45,581 --> 00:01:47,282 like, "you've come to the right person. 41 00:01:47,349 --> 00:01:49,651 - My time's precious. What do you need?" - Yeah. 42 00:01:49,718 --> 00:01:51,252 "Yeah, I'm Karl Pilkington, the movie doctor. 43 00:01:51,320 --> 00:01:52,520 What do you need, papa?" 44 00:01:52,554 --> 00:01:54,589 So I thought of this idea sort of on the spot. 45 00:01:54,657 --> 00:01:56,457 Good, punny. 46 00:01:56,525 --> 00:01:59,093 No, but sometimes that's how good ideas come up, don't they? 47 00:01:59,161 --> 00:02:00,194 - Yeah. - Just random. 48 00:02:00,229 --> 00:02:01,429 It's how a lot of yours have come up, yeah. 49 00:02:01,497 --> 00:02:02,897 No, but if you just talk, 50 00:02:02,965 --> 00:02:05,566 I find that your mouth comes out with stuff. 51 00:02:05,634 --> 00:02:08,236 ( Cackles ) Right, there's another quote. 52 00:02:08,304 --> 00:02:09,737 - Right. - There is another quote. 53 00:02:09,772 --> 00:02:12,273 "If you talk, your mouth comes out with stuff." 54 00:02:12,341 --> 00:02:16,544 That to me stands along with "what were those things in 'gremlins' called?" 55 00:02:16,612 --> 00:02:18,646 No, but what I mean... if you sit there 56 00:02:18,714 --> 00:02:20,415 and try and use your brain to do it... 57 00:02:20,482 --> 00:02:21,983 - Ricky: Right. - ...It doesn't work the same. 58 00:02:22,051 --> 00:02:23,151 Just keep talking. 59 00:02:23,218 --> 00:02:25,720 Just keep your mouth talking 60 00:02:25,788 --> 00:02:28,423 and eventually it will come out with something pretty good. 61 00:02:28,490 --> 00:02:29,991 That is exactly what Plato said... 62 00:02:30,059 --> 00:02:31,693 - So anyway... -...To Aristotle. 63 00:02:31,760 --> 00:02:33,328 He said, "sit down. I've got an idea for you." 64 00:02:33,395 --> 00:02:35,029 Aristotle said, "Plato, how do I do it?" 65 00:02:35,097 --> 00:02:37,432 "Right, just keep talking and eventually 66 00:02:37,499 --> 00:02:39,434 your brain will come out with stuff." 67 00:02:39,501 --> 00:02:41,202 So what I thought... I just started off by saying, 68 00:02:41,270 --> 00:02:43,438 like, actors' names and that who I thought should be in it, 69 00:02:43,505 --> 00:02:45,306 'cause then that's giving more... it's building. 70 00:02:45,374 --> 00:02:47,108 - Right. - Okay, who did you say? Who did you say? 71 00:02:47,176 --> 00:02:50,445 So I said, "right, I'm seeing... 72 00:02:50,512 --> 00:02:51,946 Clive Warren." 73 00:02:52,014 --> 00:02:54,449 ( Cackles ) Who the fuck's Clive Warren? 74 00:02:54,516 --> 00:02:57,085 - Who's Clive Warren? - The one who was in "Closer." 75 00:02:57,152 --> 00:02:59,187 - Ricky: Clive Owen. - Stephen: Clive Owen. 76 00:02:59,254 --> 00:03:00,688 Right, all right. 77 00:03:00,756 --> 00:03:02,490 Did they look at you like you're a fucking idiot? 78 00:03:02,558 --> 00:03:04,425 So they all start trying to figure out, 79 00:03:04,493 --> 00:03:06,694 "who's this Clive Warren we've not heard about? He must be amazing." 80 00:03:06,762 --> 00:03:08,596 "Yeah, Clive Warren." "Get me Clive Warren on the phone." 81 00:03:08,664 --> 00:03:12,266 - "Get me Clive Warren." - And I said, "Rebecca de Mornay," right? 82 00:03:12,334 --> 00:03:14,068 ( Laughing ) Where did that come from? 83 00:03:14,103 --> 00:03:16,037 She hasn't been in a film for 15 years, has she? 84 00:03:16,105 --> 00:03:18,139 Clive Warren and Rebecca de Mornay. 85 00:03:18,207 --> 00:03:19,474 They thought he was a genius! 86 00:03:19,541 --> 00:03:21,242 They've never thought of putting Clive Warren 87 00:03:21,310 --> 00:03:22,610 with Rebecca de Mornay. 88 00:03:22,678 --> 00:03:24,345 But hang on a minute. You could have... 89 00:03:24,413 --> 00:03:25,847 You could have any film star... 90 00:03:25,914 --> 00:03:27,548 This is your fantasy casting... 91 00:03:27,616 --> 00:03:29,250 and you choose a bloke who doesn't exist 92 00:03:29,318 --> 00:03:31,452 and a woman who hasn't been on TV or in a film for 10 years? 93 00:03:31,520 --> 00:03:33,254 ( Laughing ) Oh God! 94 00:03:33,322 --> 00:03:35,356 - Why didn't you choose, you know... - Someone who existed? 95 00:03:35,424 --> 00:03:37,125 - ...J-Lo or someone who's a big star? - Oh God. 96 00:03:37,192 --> 00:03:40,795 ( Laughing ) Clive Warren. Oh God! 97 00:03:40,863 --> 00:03:43,131 - Oh God. - So anyway, it starts off, 98 00:03:43,198 --> 00:03:45,466 and the people... you know, you see into their lives 99 00:03:45,534 --> 00:03:47,135 from right in the morning. 100 00:03:47,202 --> 00:03:50,405 So it's like a nice sunny day. The radio is on. 101 00:03:50,472 --> 00:03:52,640 They're going about the day, having their breakfast. 102 00:03:52,708 --> 00:03:54,008 They're saying, "what we doing tonight?" 103 00:03:54,076 --> 00:03:56,477 And you think, "oh, they've got a nice life." 104 00:03:56,545 --> 00:03:58,946 She's like, "love you," and all that, yeah? 105 00:03:58,981 --> 00:04:02,483 - He walks out of the house, gets hit by a bus. - ( Horn blares ) 106 00:04:02,551 --> 00:04:05,520 - Stephen: Oh. - Karl: So Clive Warren's dead. 107 00:04:05,587 --> 00:04:07,488 I don't know if Clive Warren would take that part. 108 00:04:07,556 --> 00:04:09,190 'Cause he ain't got much to do, has he? 109 00:04:09,258 --> 00:04:11,526 - No. If I know Clive Warren... - And I think you do. 110 00:04:11,593 --> 00:04:12,727 I think I do. Carry on. 111 00:04:12,795 --> 00:04:14,362 So he's hit by a bus, so he's dead. 112 00:04:14,430 --> 00:04:17,064 - So he's hit by a bus and that. - ( Horn blares ) 113 00:04:17,132 --> 00:04:20,168 - The titles come up. It's got you, right? - Ricky: Oh yeah. 114 00:04:20,235 --> 00:04:22,470 - "Starring Clive Warren." - Karl: She's fed up. 115 00:04:22,504 --> 00:04:24,105 She's devastated and that. 116 00:04:24,173 --> 00:04:28,709 Um, the doctor says, "Clive's dead." 117 00:04:28,777 --> 00:04:31,345 Who's playing the doctor? Jack Nicholsonhouse? 118 00:04:31,413 --> 00:04:35,082 Um, sort of. What's that fella who was in "Independence Day"? 119 00:04:35,150 --> 00:04:39,253 - Stephen: Um, Will Smith? - Karl: No, the old... the old black fella. 120 00:04:39,321 --> 00:04:41,322 - Stephen: Morgan Freeman. - Karl: Yeah. 121 00:04:41,390 --> 00:04:43,324 - Get him in. - Morgan Freeman, yeah. 122 00:04:43,358 --> 00:04:46,828 He says, "your husband's dead." 123 00:04:46,862 --> 00:04:49,063 She's like, "oh God." 124 00:04:49,131 --> 00:04:52,066 What happens then is... he says, "but listen. 125 00:04:52,134 --> 00:04:54,435 What we can do now... 126 00:04:54,503 --> 00:04:56,504 We can take the brain out..." 127 00:04:56,538 --> 00:04:58,072 - Stephen: Right. - Right. 128 00:04:58,140 --> 00:05:00,975 And a fact that I'd read that day before the meeting... 129 00:05:01,043 --> 00:05:02,643 and this isn't in the film though; this is me. 130 00:05:02,711 --> 00:05:04,412 Right, but luckily you had read the fact. 131 00:05:04,480 --> 00:05:07,248 I read a thing about how the brain can... it can run on half of it. 132 00:05:07,316 --> 00:05:09,517 - You've actually got a full brain. - Some of us have. 133 00:05:09,585 --> 00:05:12,954 - So this was in my mind still. - Well, half your mind, yeah. 134 00:05:13,021 --> 00:05:16,023 So I said, "what happens is Morgan Freeman says, 135 00:05:16,091 --> 00:05:18,025 'been working on this. You can run... 136 00:05:18,093 --> 00:05:20,428 - You can run your life on half a brain.'" - Stephen: Right. 137 00:05:20,496 --> 00:05:23,030 She's sort of a bit like, "what are you telling me this for now? 138 00:05:23,065 --> 00:05:25,333 My husband's just died, like, 20 minutes ago." 139 00:05:25,400 --> 00:05:28,703 And he goes, "yeah, but if we're gonna do this, we've got to act quick." 140 00:05:28,737 --> 00:05:30,204 She's like, "do what?" 141 00:05:30,272 --> 00:05:32,573 He says, "whilst his brain's not fully dead..." 142 00:05:32,641 --> 00:05:34,709 'cause it stays awake for a bit when you get killed. 143 00:05:34,776 --> 00:05:36,477 - Ricky: Oh, he's not dead then. Fine. - ( Heart monitor beeps ) 144 00:05:36,545 --> 00:05:38,079 - Karl: No no, yeah, he is, but they found out... - ( Flatlines ) 145 00:05:38,146 --> 00:05:39,514 ...That it stays awake a little bit... 146 00:05:39,581 --> 00:05:41,616 - Ricky: No no no. - Stephen: No, he's gone. 147 00:05:41,683 --> 00:05:43,551 - He's been hit by a bus. - Yeah, no, he's dead. 148 00:05:43,619 --> 00:05:44,986 If the brain's dead, you are dead. 149 00:05:45,053 --> 00:05:46,454 - Stephen: Clive Warren's dead. - ( Flatlines ) 150 00:05:46,522 --> 00:05:48,222 If the brain's not dead, you're not dead. 151 00:05:48,290 --> 00:05:50,191 It's like people in a coma... They're dead, aren't they? 152 00:05:50,259 --> 00:05:52,393 - Ricky: No no. - Stephen: They're only in a coma. 153 00:05:52,461 --> 00:05:54,662 - Ricky: They come out of comas, don't they? - All right, he's in a coma. 154 00:05:54,730 --> 00:05:56,664 He's been hit by the bus, but the chances are 155 00:05:56,732 --> 00:05:59,233 he's not gonna come out of that coma, but his brain is still awake. 156 00:05:59,301 --> 00:06:02,303 So change that. That's easily done. 157 00:06:02,371 --> 00:06:03,704 Hold on though. 158 00:06:03,772 --> 00:06:05,606 I like this fact that he's in a coma, 159 00:06:05,674 --> 00:06:08,609 so they're going, "look, he's definitely gonna die in this coma. 160 00:06:08,677 --> 00:06:11,212 Take the brain out now. Pop the brain out." 161 00:06:11,280 --> 00:06:12,813 But why is that such a weird thing 162 00:06:12,881 --> 00:06:14,382 when that's what they do now? 163 00:06:14,449 --> 00:06:16,951 - That's what they do now. - What is? 164 00:06:17,019 --> 00:06:18,819 - That's what they do. - What? 165 00:06:18,887 --> 00:06:20,421 - They do that. - What?! 166 00:06:20,455 --> 00:06:22,423 What, a brain transplant? 167 00:06:22,491 --> 00:06:24,091 No, but when, like... 168 00:06:24,159 --> 00:06:25,793 How I've signed that donor card. 169 00:06:25,861 --> 00:06:27,595 - If anything happens to me... - No no no no. 170 00:06:27,663 --> 00:06:30,064 There's no such thing as a brain donor. 171 00:06:30,132 --> 00:06:31,832 We've explained to you before. 172 00:06:31,900 --> 00:06:33,234 Yeah, but they're working on it. 173 00:06:33,302 --> 00:06:34,735 They've said something about Einstein. 174 00:06:34,803 --> 00:06:36,270 They messed about with his brain for ages 175 00:06:36,338 --> 00:06:38,272 trying to work out if it was full of stuff. 176 00:06:38,307 --> 00:06:40,274 That's what they're doing. They're working on that. 177 00:06:40,309 --> 00:06:42,476 There's loads of things that doctors are doing that we don't know about. 178 00:06:42,544 --> 00:06:44,345 I've seen some weird stuff on the Internet. 179 00:06:44,413 --> 00:06:46,013 Yeah, I know you have, yeah. 180 00:06:46,081 --> 00:06:47,848 I saw a program on Channel 5 181 00:06:47,916 --> 00:06:49,984 where a monkey brain was still alive, 182 00:06:50,052 --> 00:06:51,752 and it was stuck on a stick. 183 00:06:51,820 --> 00:06:53,588 - ( Cackling ) - And they... 184 00:06:53,655 --> 00:06:55,489 You were watching the "Magic Roundabout." 185 00:06:55,557 --> 00:06:57,358 - Karl: They poked it and it reacted. - ( Brain gibbering ) 186 00:06:57,392 --> 00:06:59,226 - Ricky: Right. - Karl: So it's still alive. 187 00:06:59,294 --> 00:07:01,829 It's being kept alive and it's only a matter of time. 188 00:07:01,897 --> 00:07:03,931 What's the brain linked up to? 189 00:07:03,999 --> 00:07:07,535 As long as you can link it up to the eyes and somehow... 190 00:07:07,603 --> 00:07:10,371 So it can tell the arms and legs what to do, you're laughing. 191 00:07:10,439 --> 00:07:11,539 I love that. 192 00:07:11,607 --> 00:07:13,741 Imagine a team full of a doctors going, 193 00:07:13,809 --> 00:07:15,743 "well, we're gonna try new brains out on Karl. 194 00:07:15,811 --> 00:07:17,912 As long as you can link this up to the eyes 195 00:07:17,980 --> 00:07:19,880 and tell the arms and legs what to do, we're laughing. 196 00:07:19,948 --> 00:07:22,717 - Cheers, Karl. See you later." - ( Stephen laughs ) 197 00:07:22,784 --> 00:07:25,653 Then what happens is they say, 198 00:07:25,721 --> 00:07:29,323 "do you want half of his brain in your head?" 199 00:07:29,391 --> 00:07:30,992 Half of his brain in her head? 200 00:07:31,059 --> 00:07:33,427 She says, "definitely not. I'm having you struck off." 201 00:07:33,495 --> 00:07:34,962 - ( Siren blares ) - Ricky: She starts screaming. 202 00:07:35,030 --> 00:07:36,764 She calls the police. He gets arrested. 203 00:07:36,832 --> 00:07:38,099 Yeah, but you'd have said that years ago 204 00:07:38,166 --> 00:07:39,800 when people can have someone else's arm 205 00:07:39,868 --> 00:07:41,502 put on their body and stuff. 206 00:07:41,570 --> 00:07:43,437 - ( Snickers ) - Yeah, but he's only in a coma. 207 00:07:43,505 --> 00:07:46,007 - Yeah. - No, but he's not gonna come out of that coma. 208 00:07:46,074 --> 00:07:47,875 So it's like this or nothing. 209 00:07:47,943 --> 00:07:49,944 He's like, "look, you know, what we're gonna do here... 210 00:07:50,012 --> 00:07:51,445 We can either turn the switch off 211 00:07:51,513 --> 00:07:53,014 or we can put his head in your head." 212 00:07:53,081 --> 00:07:55,049 - But why would you... - So what they do then... 213 00:07:55,117 --> 00:07:57,451 - They're gonna take half his brain. - Karl: Half of his brain. 214 00:07:57,519 --> 00:07:59,920 Take out half of hers, pop it in place. 215 00:07:59,988 --> 00:08:02,556 - Why would she do that? - Because she loves him. 216 00:08:02,624 --> 00:08:04,558 But hold on. Well, no no. Wait wait wait wait. 217 00:08:04,626 --> 00:08:07,294 - What would she then be? - Because this is what I'm trying to tell you. 218 00:08:07,362 --> 00:08:10,631 - Okay okay, sorry. - What happens is he explains all this to her. 219 00:08:10,699 --> 00:08:12,466 This would probably cover about 20 minutes 220 00:08:12,534 --> 00:08:13,968 in the film, but I'm just rushing. 221 00:08:14,036 --> 00:08:15,202 I just switched off, but yeah. 222 00:08:15,270 --> 00:08:16,904 No, you wouldn't. This bit would have you. 223 00:08:16,972 --> 00:08:18,506 - So what... - But I'd have actually left when I... 224 00:08:18,573 --> 00:08:19,740 I wouldn't even have gone in to see a film 225 00:08:19,808 --> 00:08:21,742 starring Clive Warren and Rebecca de Mornay... 226 00:08:21,810 --> 00:08:24,512 - ( Ricky laughing ) - ...Unless it was 1985. 227 00:08:24,579 --> 00:08:28,249 So the thing is she's the same as you. 228 00:08:28,316 --> 00:08:31,152 She says the same thing. She goes, "why would I do that, doctor?" 229 00:08:31,219 --> 00:08:35,222 And he goes, "well, what will happen is he's gone, 230 00:08:35,290 --> 00:08:38,125 but you'll have his thoughts. 231 00:08:38,193 --> 00:08:39,894 So in the morning when you say, 232 00:08:39,961 --> 00:08:42,096 'oh I don't know what to have. Will I have cornflakes?' 233 00:08:42,164 --> 00:08:44,131 - his bit of the brain will sort of say..." - Stephen: Have weetabix. 234 00:08:44,199 --> 00:08:45,766 ..."'Have shredded wheat or whatever.'" 235 00:08:45,834 --> 00:08:48,002 - and she's like, "oh yeah, good idea." - Sorry. 236 00:08:48,070 --> 00:08:49,804 Sorry, so the point of this film 237 00:08:49,871 --> 00:08:53,007 is the... the dead man can remind her 238 00:08:53,075 --> 00:08:54,675 what breakfast cereal she likes? 239 00:08:54,743 --> 00:08:56,410 - Yeah. So the thought... - Ricky: What do you mean yes? 240 00:08:56,478 --> 00:08:57,611 So that's it, is it? 241 00:08:57,679 --> 00:08:58,946 No no no no, that's not the only thing. 242 00:08:59,014 --> 00:09:01,182 Ooh, wait a minute. This is only act one. 243 00:09:01,249 --> 00:09:03,184 That's just the first bit. Everything's going well. She has it done. 244 00:09:03,251 --> 00:09:05,453 So what is... Who is she? Is she herself? 245 00:09:05,520 --> 00:09:06,687 She's Rebecca de Mornay, 246 00:09:06,755 --> 00:09:09,690 but now with him chipping in 247 00:09:09,758 --> 00:09:11,492 with a bit of voiceover. 248 00:09:11,560 --> 00:09:12,727 So the idea is it's all going well 249 00:09:12,794 --> 00:09:13,828 at the beginning, and she's... 250 00:09:13,895 --> 00:09:15,696 So she can't decide what to wear? 251 00:09:15,764 --> 00:09:19,767 So she's had half of her brain taken out and put in a bin, okay, 252 00:09:19,835 --> 00:09:23,571 and Clive Warren's half has been put in there. 253 00:09:23,638 --> 00:09:25,873 So now she's walking around, okay. 254 00:09:25,941 --> 00:09:27,708 So she's like a schizophrenic. 255 00:09:27,776 --> 00:09:29,210 No, like I say, the brain is alive. 256 00:09:29,277 --> 00:09:31,278 So it's all going well when she leaves hospital. 257 00:09:31,346 --> 00:09:33,114 And she gets the first taste of it, 258 00:09:33,181 --> 00:09:35,516 and it's a bit weird to get ahold of 'cause she's sort of... 259 00:09:35,584 --> 00:09:37,418 I think when she signs herself out, 260 00:09:37,486 --> 00:09:40,421 he's sort of fighting, writing his name and stuff. 261 00:09:40,489 --> 00:09:43,891 So there's a few sort of technical things that she has get used to. 262 00:09:43,925 --> 00:09:47,328 - And does Clive's brain know he's now inside her brain? - What does he think? 263 00:09:47,395 --> 00:09:49,463 Um... 264 00:09:51,066 --> 00:09:52,600 Does that matter? 265 00:09:52,667 --> 00:09:54,335 - Well, I would say it matters... - Yes. 266 00:09:54,402 --> 00:09:57,004 -...Because otherwise he... - Yes, it does matter, Karl. 267 00:09:57,072 --> 00:09:59,140 What's... what's he thinking? 268 00:09:59,207 --> 00:10:00,641 What's the point of this? 269 00:10:00,709 --> 00:10:02,543 Why has she gone along with this? 270 00:10:02,611 --> 00:10:03,878 Because she really loves him. 271 00:10:03,945 --> 00:10:05,846 But what's in it for him? What does she think... 272 00:10:05,914 --> 00:10:08,315 Well, say if I died and Suzanne said, 273 00:10:08,383 --> 00:10:10,651 "go on, I'll have half of Karl's," right? 274 00:10:10,719 --> 00:10:12,153 She would wake up in the morning 275 00:10:12,220 --> 00:10:13,821 to a thought of me sort of going, 276 00:10:13,889 --> 00:10:16,023 "you'll never guess what I've just thought about." 277 00:10:16,091 --> 00:10:17,391 I'd still be there. 278 00:10:17,459 --> 00:10:19,460 The rest of your body is sort of waste, isn't it? 279 00:10:19,528 --> 00:10:22,329 - But, Karl... - "The rest of your body is sort of waste"? 280 00:10:22,397 --> 00:10:23,998 No, it is kind of. 281 00:10:24,065 --> 00:10:26,300 When someone dies, it's not that person anymore, is it? 282 00:10:26,368 --> 00:10:27,668 You can't have a chat with them. 283 00:10:27,736 --> 00:10:29,737 So if you could have someone's brain in your head 284 00:10:29,805 --> 00:10:31,305 when they're dead, you'd have it, wouldn't you? 285 00:10:31,373 --> 00:10:33,040 What are you talking about? 286 00:10:33,108 --> 00:10:35,576 Why would I have someone's brain in my head when they're dead? 287 00:10:35,644 --> 00:10:37,278 I've got a perfectly good brain. 288 00:10:37,345 --> 00:10:39,280 So you're telling me you wouldn't have it done then? 289 00:10:39,347 --> 00:10:40,781 ( Stammering ) 290 00:10:40,816 --> 00:10:42,449 Of course I fucking wouldn't! 291 00:10:42,517 --> 00:10:44,652 I can also categorically state I wouldn't either. 292 00:10:44,719 --> 00:10:46,754 You're saying that now, but once you're in that position, 293 00:10:46,822 --> 00:10:49,156 that someone who you love and that dies... 294 00:10:49,224 --> 00:10:50,825 if the doctor said, "do you want it?" 295 00:10:50,892 --> 00:10:52,960 No! I'd go "no!" 296 00:10:53,028 --> 00:10:54,995 It's madness! It's madness! 297 00:10:55,063 --> 00:10:56,497 All right, all right, all right. 298 00:10:56,565 --> 00:10:57,965 So tell me a typical bit of dialogue. 299 00:10:57,999 --> 00:11:00,668 Um, well, we've done the breakfast scene. 300 00:11:00,735 --> 00:11:03,070 That was dynamite. That's fucking Oscar-winning. 301 00:11:03,138 --> 00:11:04,672 Yeah, can we do lunch? ( Munches ) 302 00:11:04,739 --> 00:11:06,674 Then maybe, like, at the funeral... 303 00:11:06,741 --> 00:11:09,109 because even though the brain's still alive, they still have the funeral, 304 00:11:09,177 --> 00:11:10,444 and you can have, like, a funny bit 305 00:11:10,512 --> 00:11:12,413 where they stood around the grave 306 00:11:12,480 --> 00:11:15,082 and, like, there's some relation there who he doesn't like. 307 00:11:15,150 --> 00:11:18,152 And she can start laughing, and the family looking at her, going, "why is she laughing?" 308 00:11:18,220 --> 00:11:20,688 She's laughing and he's saying something rude, going, "look at her head." 309 00:11:20,755 --> 00:11:23,190 - Do you know what I mean? - "Looks like a fuckin' orange." 310 00:11:23,258 --> 00:11:24,859 A little cameo for you. 311 00:11:24,926 --> 00:11:27,528 ( Laughing ) Yeah. 312 00:11:27,596 --> 00:11:30,364 And so you have all that and people are liking the film, thinking, 313 00:11:30,432 --> 00:11:32,666 "oh, it's quite funny this." And then you hit them hard. 314 00:11:32,701 --> 00:11:34,401 It's the most... 315 00:11:34,469 --> 00:11:38,205 it is the most ludicrous idea for a film I've ever heard! 316 00:11:38,273 --> 00:11:40,207 It's the maddest! 317 00:11:40,275 --> 00:11:44,111 Honestly, it really is the ramblings of a mental case. 318 00:11:44,179 --> 00:11:46,046 I have to say though I am hooked now. 319 00:11:46,114 --> 00:11:48,215 I want to know what's gonna happen next in the story. 320 00:11:48,283 --> 00:11:52,887 Then what happens is she hears the voice go, 321 00:11:52,954 --> 00:11:54,889 "Leslie, where are you?" 322 00:11:54,956 --> 00:11:56,423 - Or something. - Right. 323 00:11:56,491 --> 00:11:58,225 - Her name's not Leslie. - No? 324 00:11:58,293 --> 00:11:59,860 She's thinking, "who's Leslie?" 325 00:11:59,895 --> 00:12:02,496 So in her mind she's going, "who's Leslie?" 326 00:12:02,564 --> 00:12:04,164 He's going, "oh." 327 00:12:04,232 --> 00:12:06,533 So he's thought, "hang on, I've let something slip here." 328 00:12:06,601 --> 00:12:08,068 - So she's going, "answer me." - Ricky: Oh! 329 00:12:08,136 --> 00:12:10,471 - Karl: And he goes quiet on her. - Oh! 330 00:12:10,538 --> 00:12:13,507 - Karl: So... - He was having an affair. 331 00:12:13,575 --> 00:12:14,708 This is... this is the thing. 332 00:12:14,776 --> 00:12:16,243 So she's trying to hunt down... 333 00:12:16,311 --> 00:12:17,444 - Leslie. - ...Leslie. 334 00:12:17,512 --> 00:12:18,979 And he's gotta stop her thinking it. 335 00:12:19,047 --> 00:12:21,215 - Then what happens is, I mean, you know... - "Weetabix!" 336 00:12:21,283 --> 00:12:22,583 So he's gotta hunt down Leslie? 337 00:12:22,651 --> 00:12:25,052 So he's gotta... she's gotta hunt down Leslie. 338 00:12:25,086 --> 00:12:27,521 - Stephen: It's a woman, is it? - Karl: It's another woman. 339 00:12:27,589 --> 00:12:30,591 But what happens is... I mean, without ruining the end for everyone, 340 00:12:30,659 --> 00:12:32,092 what would sort of happen is... 341 00:12:32,160 --> 00:12:34,061 Oh yeah, 'cause we don't wanna ruin it for 'em. 342 00:12:34,129 --> 00:12:37,164 This'll be filling the multiplexes in no time. 343 00:12:37,232 --> 00:12:40,134 It's the greatest love story ever told set in a head. 344 00:12:40,201 --> 00:12:41,735 - But listen... - Hang on a sec there, Karl. 345 00:12:41,770 --> 00:12:42,836 You've got to tell us the end. 346 00:12:42,904 --> 00:12:44,171 I don't think you can let people... 347 00:12:44,239 --> 00:12:45,706 Come on, what's the end? 348 00:12:45,774 --> 00:12:48,742 - Just let your mouth talk. - Right, so what I said was, 349 00:12:48,810 --> 00:12:52,079 "maybe what happens is his brain 350 00:12:52,147 --> 00:12:53,914 is more powerful than hers." 351 00:12:53,949 --> 00:12:56,550 Right. How it's... How is there power? 352 00:12:56,618 --> 00:12:58,585 I don't... Why is there now power involved? 353 00:12:58,653 --> 00:13:01,021 What I mean is her brain was running the rest of her body. 354 00:13:01,089 --> 00:13:03,090 - Stephen: Mm, now he's taking over. - Karl: His brain... 355 00:13:03,124 --> 00:13:05,726 that gets more powerful and overrules her body. 356 00:13:05,794 --> 00:13:07,127 - Stephen: Okay. - Ricky: Yeah. 357 00:13:07,195 --> 00:13:10,564 She then fancies Leslie. 358 00:13:10,632 --> 00:13:12,599 - So hold on. - So it's a lesbian film. 359 00:13:12,634 --> 00:13:14,868 This is building up to a lesbian love... 360 00:13:14,936 --> 00:13:17,371 - ( stammers ) So what the... What? - It's trendy, isn't it, that? 361 00:13:17,439 --> 00:13:19,640 - So just have a bit of that at the end and... - Ricky: So hold on. 362 00:13:19,708 --> 00:13:22,576 So he overpowers her, 363 00:13:22,644 --> 00:13:25,079 so she is now a lesbian. 364 00:13:25,146 --> 00:13:26,613 What's Leslie getting out of this? 365 00:13:26,681 --> 00:13:28,082 Why does Leslie think, "hold on, 366 00:13:28,149 --> 00:13:30,684 why is my dead lover's wife coming on to me?" 367 00:13:30,752 --> 00:13:32,519 Because... this is what I'm saying to you. 368 00:13:32,587 --> 00:13:35,456 It's... relationships... 369 00:13:35,523 --> 00:13:37,858 Is the love of two brains. 370 00:13:37,926 --> 00:13:40,127 Right, okay. Again, can anyone out there... 371 00:13:40,195 --> 00:13:41,996 Can we make that into... That's a quote. 372 00:13:42,063 --> 00:13:44,465 "Relationships is a love of two brains." 373 00:13:44,532 --> 00:13:45,966 Now he's got something there. 374 00:13:46,034 --> 00:13:47,334 He's got something there. 375 00:13:47,402 --> 00:13:49,103 But my point is this. 376 00:13:49,170 --> 00:13:51,238 Why has Leslie suddenly turned lesbian? 377 00:13:51,306 --> 00:13:52,840 Because she loves the brain. 378 00:13:52,907 --> 00:13:54,708 But does she know this is Clive Warren? 379 00:13:54,776 --> 00:13:56,810 Rebecca will say something now and again 380 00:13:56,878 --> 00:14:00,080 like, "oh, I like my..." 381 00:14:00,115 --> 00:14:02,483 - Minge. - ( Laughs ) 382 00:14:02,550 --> 00:14:04,485 "I like my food done like this," or whatever. 383 00:14:04,552 --> 00:14:08,322 - And it's all about... - "Cooked... I love my food cooked." 384 00:14:08,390 --> 00:14:10,524 "Wait a minute, Clive Warren loved his food cooked." 385 00:14:10,592 --> 00:14:12,126 "Yeah, I'm in two minds about this bacon." 386 00:14:12,160 --> 00:14:13,894 "I'm gonna turn into a lesbian." 387 00:14:13,962 --> 00:14:15,496 - Karl: People... - Ricky: "Shredded wheat." 388 00:14:15,563 --> 00:14:18,098 People like what they like. 389 00:14:18,166 --> 00:14:20,034 And it's the same way like I've said to you before 390 00:14:20,101 --> 00:14:23,504 with someone who's been going out with a woman 391 00:14:23,571 --> 00:14:27,074 and then he's found out that she's got a twin sister. 392 00:14:27,142 --> 00:14:30,144 And they divorce that first twin and go out with the other twin. 393 00:14:30,211 --> 00:14:32,346 It's all the same. You're after the same thing, aren't you? 394 00:14:32,414 --> 00:14:34,882 - Yes, but that... - When a cat dies, you buy another one. 395 00:14:34,949 --> 00:14:37,384 It's the same thing. You want that same love... 396 00:14:37,452 --> 00:14:40,054 Yeah, but you don't necessarily switch your sexual orientation. 397 00:14:40,121 --> 00:14:43,157 In the case of your twin scenario, they both look the same. 398 00:14:43,224 --> 00:14:46,493 Yeah. Has there ever been one where it's a twin boy and girl? 399 00:14:46,561 --> 00:14:49,530 "Well, I was going out with her, but I mean he looks a bit like her." 400 00:14:49,597 --> 00:14:51,131 "I loved boobs. Now I like cock." 401 00:14:51,199 --> 00:14:53,267 This is your problem... You don't know anything. 402 00:14:53,334 --> 00:14:55,436 And this theory about if your mouth talks enough, 403 00:14:55,470 --> 00:14:58,238 the brain'll kick in soon... It hasn't. 404 00:15:00,875 --> 00:15:03,677 Oh, chimpanzee that... He's written it down again! 405 00:15:03,745 --> 00:15:07,347 - ( Monkey gibbers ) - ( Music playing ) 406 00:15:07,415 --> 00:15:10,851 Extracts from his famous diary. 407 00:15:10,919 --> 00:15:13,587 "Box jellyfish, crocodiles, snakes, 408 00:15:13,655 --> 00:15:15,689 blue ring octopus, red black spiders, 409 00:15:15,757 --> 00:15:17,758 funnel web spiders, great white sharks... 410 00:15:17,826 --> 00:15:20,627 Just some of the reasons that put me off going to Australia." 411 00:15:20,695 --> 00:15:23,931 ( Cackling ) 412 00:15:23,998 --> 00:15:26,333 "Every creature is bigger and angrier 413 00:15:26,401 --> 00:15:28,402 than anywhere else on the world. 414 00:15:28,470 --> 00:15:29,937 I put it down to two things... 415 00:15:30,004 --> 00:15:32,439 One, it could either be because spiders and snakes 416 00:15:32,507 --> 00:15:34,274 and the like normally hide under rocks. 417 00:15:34,342 --> 00:15:36,143 The earth is one big rock. 418 00:15:36,211 --> 00:15:38,045 Australia's at the bottom of the big rock 419 00:15:38,079 --> 00:15:41,115 and they're trying to hide under it." 420 00:15:41,182 --> 00:15:43,317 ( Cackling ) Karl, you are a maniac! 421 00:15:43,384 --> 00:15:44,818 I was just thinking about it... 422 00:15:44,886 --> 00:15:47,020 thinking about where spiders go and that. 423 00:15:47,088 --> 00:15:49,056 - And that works, doesn't it? - No! 424 00:15:49,124 --> 00:15:50,557 Why doesn't that work like a rock? 425 00:15:50,625 --> 00:15:51,925 'Cause there's no real upside down 426 00:15:51,993 --> 00:15:53,227 and bottom of the earth, is it? 427 00:15:53,294 --> 00:15:54,728 It's all relative to what? 428 00:15:54,796 --> 00:15:56,830 It's relative to what? A map that you saw. 429 00:15:56,898 --> 00:15:59,900 - Well, it's a coincidence, isn't it? - Okay, read on. 430 00:15:59,968 --> 00:16:01,702 "I've heard that a lot of people 431 00:16:01,769 --> 00:16:04,404 go camping in Australia, which I think's mental. 432 00:16:04,472 --> 00:16:06,807 If I was to fly all that way, I'd want a decent bed. 433 00:16:06,875 --> 00:16:08,242 Plus I wouldn't be camping in a place 434 00:16:08,276 --> 00:16:10,144 where there are killer spiders wandering around." 435 00:16:10,211 --> 00:16:12,346 - I agree. - "I've only been camping a few times, 436 00:16:12,413 --> 00:16:14,114 and each time I was glad when it was over. 437 00:16:14,182 --> 00:16:17,151 - The last time was last year in Lyme Regis." - Yeah. 438 00:16:17,218 --> 00:16:19,953 - When'd you go camping in Lyme Regis? - Last year. 439 00:16:20,021 --> 00:16:21,655 It's all right, Lyme Regis. 440 00:16:21,723 --> 00:16:24,358 But it was all a bit of a nightmare 'cause I was going with my mate 441 00:16:24,425 --> 00:16:28,562 and he said he knew someone who knew someone 442 00:16:28,630 --> 00:16:31,031 who had a bit of land in the garden. 443 00:16:31,099 --> 00:16:32,733 Who had a bit of land in the garden? 444 00:16:32,800 --> 00:16:34,101 What's the point, though, in it? 445 00:16:34,169 --> 00:16:35,836 What's the point of camping in someone's garden 446 00:16:35,904 --> 00:16:38,372 where there's a spa down the road and a pub? 447 00:16:38,439 --> 00:16:39,907 No, because you're by the sea, aren't ya? 448 00:16:39,974 --> 00:16:41,708 It's getting away from it all, seeing the world. 449 00:16:41,776 --> 00:16:43,944 It's not if you're in someone's front garden. 450 00:16:43,978 --> 00:16:46,346 - No, back. - Oh sorry. 451 00:16:46,414 --> 00:16:48,348 Well, there's even less to see except three fences. 452 00:16:48,416 --> 00:16:49,850 No, but it's private, isn't it? 453 00:16:49,918 --> 00:16:52,553 So the thing is he said, "oh, it's a great garden. 454 00:16:52,620 --> 00:16:55,055 The owners are away and there's a toilet... 455 00:16:55,123 --> 00:16:56,790 an outside toilet that they have for... 456 00:16:56,858 --> 00:16:58,659 like when they have parties and stuff." 457 00:16:58,726 --> 00:17:02,029 So we get there and this lad who knew about this bit of land... 458 00:17:02,096 --> 00:17:03,764 - Someone's back garden? - Well, yeah. 459 00:17:03,831 --> 00:17:06,767 ... Said, "oh, you can't use it. They haven't gone on holiday." 460 00:17:06,834 --> 00:17:08,435 So now you're stuck in the middle 461 00:17:08,503 --> 00:17:10,804 of a big civilized conurbation called Lyme Regis. 462 00:17:10,838 --> 00:17:12,573 - How are you gonna survive? - ( Laughing ) 463 00:17:12,640 --> 00:17:14,975 Well, we ended up just sort of keeping on the beach. 464 00:17:15,043 --> 00:17:16,643 Did you pitch your tent on the beach? 465 00:17:16,711 --> 00:17:18,111 Put the tent on the beach. 466 00:17:18,179 --> 00:17:20,047 We found somewhere where there was a load of rubbish. 467 00:17:20,114 --> 00:17:21,782 - Ricky: Oh, nice. - Stephen: That's the place to go, yeah. 468 00:17:21,849 --> 00:17:23,717 - A municipal tip. - Ricky: What was it? 469 00:17:23,785 --> 00:17:25,385 - Was it chemical waste or just like, you know... - ( Sizzles ) 470 00:17:25,453 --> 00:17:27,020 No, just coke cans and stuff. 471 00:17:27,088 --> 00:17:28,889 - Was it just syringes and baby diapers? - Oh, lovely. 472 00:17:28,957 --> 00:17:30,524 - You've got to think about that. - Was some of it rusty? 473 00:17:30,592 --> 00:17:32,059 If there's rubbish there, 474 00:17:32,126 --> 00:17:33,860 - it means it was a good place to camp. - ( Screams ) 475 00:17:33,928 --> 00:17:36,530 - Both: Why? - 'Cause other people have camped there. 476 00:17:36,598 --> 00:17:38,799 - Right. - So that's how you've gotta look at it. 477 00:17:38,866 --> 00:17:41,401 It's like... it's a way... that's like a little tip of... 478 00:17:41,469 --> 00:17:43,904 - so you could have slept in a public lavatory? - Yeah yeah. 479 00:17:43,972 --> 00:17:45,205 "This one's nice." "Why?" 480 00:17:45,273 --> 00:17:46,540 "It's covered in shit. 481 00:17:46,608 --> 00:17:48,609 It means other people have had a shit here." 482 00:17:48,676 --> 00:17:50,110 "Welcome to our five-star hotel. 483 00:17:50,178 --> 00:17:52,145 You'll notice vomit all over the fucking walls." 484 00:17:52,213 --> 00:17:53,714 "That means people had a good time here. 485 00:17:53,781 --> 00:17:56,083 They got right pissed up and threw their lungs up." 486 00:17:56,150 --> 00:17:58,652 ( Laughing ) 487 00:17:58,720 --> 00:18:00,320 So that's where we put down the tent. 488 00:18:00,388 --> 00:18:02,656 We put down the tent there. 489 00:18:02,724 --> 00:18:04,992 - And then what was annoying is... - He puts down a tent. 490 00:18:05,059 --> 00:18:06,927 - We... what's her name? - It was already up. 491 00:18:06,995 --> 00:18:08,562 He carried it all the way from London. 492 00:18:08,630 --> 00:18:10,364 - They went, "let's pack it down." - Yeah. 493 00:18:10,431 --> 00:18:13,800 The weird thing was as soon as we set up, 494 00:18:13,868 --> 00:18:15,102 some other people turned up. 495 00:18:15,169 --> 00:18:16,603 Oh, next to the rubbish tip. 496 00:18:16,671 --> 00:18:18,739 ( Stephen and Ricky laughing ) 497 00:18:18,806 --> 00:18:20,507 Holidaymakers, they... 498 00:18:20,575 --> 00:18:22,776 They started setting up their tents and we're like, aw. 499 00:18:22,844 --> 00:18:24,778 "No! Near... Look, there's some nappies over there. 500 00:18:24,846 --> 00:18:26,713 Move nearer the nappies." 501 00:18:26,781 --> 00:18:30,250 - Karl: And they offered us some sausages. - Ricky: All right. 502 00:18:30,318 --> 00:18:31,752 My mate said, "oh, ignore 'em. 503 00:18:31,819 --> 00:18:34,588 That's, like, code for swingers." 504 00:18:34,656 --> 00:18:36,723 - What? - No! 505 00:18:36,791 --> 00:18:39,860 - So there were some people cooking some sausages... - Ricky: Yeah. 506 00:18:39,927 --> 00:18:41,928 ...Saying, "would you like some sausages? We've made too much." 507 00:18:41,996 --> 00:18:43,330 And you said, "no, that's code for swinging"? 508 00:18:43,398 --> 00:18:44,564 Karl: Don't talk to strangers. 509 00:18:44,632 --> 00:18:46,400 It's like we wanna get away from it all. 510 00:18:46,467 --> 00:18:48,335 We don't want someone... 511 00:18:48,403 --> 00:18:50,604 You know, it starts off with sausages, doesn't it? 512 00:18:50,672 --> 00:18:53,140 - And before you know it... - But what did these people look like? 513 00:18:53,207 --> 00:18:55,142 - They were about 45. - Who were they though? 514 00:18:55,209 --> 00:18:57,277 - A man and a woman. - A man and a woman. 515 00:18:57,345 --> 00:18:59,546 So what was in it for the bloke? 516 00:18:59,614 --> 00:19:02,516 Uh, some people like that, don't they? 517 00:19:02,583 --> 00:19:05,485 I mean did he say, "right, I want the bald one, love"? 518 00:19:05,553 --> 00:19:07,721 If it's like wife swapping, 519 00:19:07,789 --> 00:19:10,724 shouldn't one of you be a wife? 520 00:19:10,792 --> 00:19:13,260 No, but I don't... I don't know all the rules and that. 521 00:19:13,328 --> 00:19:15,862 - But, uh... - He's just got a real thing for fuckin' oranges. 522 00:19:15,930 --> 00:19:17,864 And we didn't want any sausages anyway. 523 00:19:17,932 --> 00:19:20,867 - So we just sort of... - I don't believe sausages is a code for swingers, 524 00:19:20,935 --> 00:19:23,503 'cause eventually... How many times did they give someone sausages 525 00:19:23,571 --> 00:19:24,671 and then go, "get your pants off then"? 526 00:19:24,739 --> 00:19:25,872 "What? We just wanted some sausages." 527 00:19:25,940 --> 00:19:27,874 "This isn't working, this code. 528 00:19:27,942 --> 00:19:30,377 - We need a better code." - Why would we be being offered sausages? 529 00:19:30,445 --> 00:19:32,946 Because they're nice people and they're making sausages. 530 00:19:33,014 --> 00:19:34,247 Yeah. Makes you wonder. 531 00:19:34,315 --> 00:19:36,049 "We don't... Let's not trust these people. 532 00:19:36,117 --> 00:19:37,751 Let's move our tent nearer to the corpse." 533 00:19:37,819 --> 00:19:40,487 ( Cackling ) 534 00:19:40,555 --> 00:19:43,023 So... so, yeah, that was the camping. 535 00:19:43,091 --> 00:19:45,292 - ( Ricky sighs ) - "September 30th. 536 00:19:45,360 --> 00:19:47,227 Going away with Suzanne's mom and dad. 537 00:19:47,295 --> 00:19:48,895 We're meeting them at Madeira airport 538 00:19:48,963 --> 00:19:50,797 as they're flying in from Manchester. 539 00:19:50,865 --> 00:19:52,466 - The plane was full and I had a headache." - ( P.A. Chimes ) 540 00:19:52,533 --> 00:19:53,967 - ( Crying ) - "There was a baby sat behind us 541 00:19:54,035 --> 00:19:56,069 that was crying its eyes out for the whole flight. 542 00:19:56,137 --> 00:19:58,705 The mother of it said it was upset 'cause its ears were hurting. 543 00:19:58,773 --> 00:20:01,575 - So were mine." - ( Ricky cackling ) 544 00:20:09,217 --> 00:20:12,652 Oh God! Oh. 545 00:20:12,720 --> 00:20:14,321 "We went to try and find a supermarket. 546 00:20:14,355 --> 00:20:16,056 Suzanne's mom was having a go at her dad 547 00:20:16,124 --> 00:20:17,991 'cause he didn't have a shirt on. 548 00:20:18,025 --> 00:20:20,660 She said he looks a mess and is embarrassed to be seen with him. 549 00:20:20,695 --> 00:20:22,295 It's their Ruby anniversary tomorrow." 550 00:20:22,363 --> 00:20:27,033 ( Laughing ) 551 00:20:27,101 --> 00:20:29,369 - That's why we went away. - Ricky: Oh yeah. 552 00:20:29,437 --> 00:20:32,372 "I bought a fan to put in our room to drown out the sound of the mopeds. 553 00:20:32,440 --> 00:20:35,008 I've heard Wayne Rooney does the same thing with a vacuum cleaner." 554 00:20:35,076 --> 00:20:39,012 - What? - If you've just got a noise that's constant, 555 00:20:39,080 --> 00:20:42,149 it makes you nod off and it drowns out 556 00:20:42,216 --> 00:20:43,683 every other background noise. 557 00:20:43,751 --> 00:20:45,419 So all you've got is... if it's a vac, it's just... 558 00:20:45,486 --> 00:20:47,421 ( Mimics vacuum cleaner ) 559 00:20:47,488 --> 00:20:50,390 And if that's constant all night, you just nod off. 560 00:20:50,458 --> 00:20:52,626 The people next door are going, "they've got their vacuum on again. 561 00:20:52,693 --> 00:20:55,695 - Poke... poke the chicken." - ( Clucking ) 562 00:20:55,730 --> 00:20:57,063 That's how nuclear wars start. 563 00:20:57,131 --> 00:20:58,932 ( Laughing ) Yeah. 564 00:20:59,000 --> 00:21:01,034 - It works. - Doesn't work. 565 00:21:01,102 --> 00:21:02,903 - We watched... - Earplugs drown out everything. 566 00:21:02,970 --> 00:21:04,704 I've tried them. I didn't like it, did I? 567 00:21:04,772 --> 00:21:06,640 - Ricky: Why not? - 'Cause I could hear my heart beat. 568 00:21:06,707 --> 00:21:09,709 - ( Heart beating ) 569 00:21:11,913 --> 00:21:15,182 Oh you're such a strange little creature. 570 00:21:15,249 --> 00:21:17,617 - Oh. - "Didn't do much this morning. 571 00:21:17,685 --> 00:21:19,686 - Just sat by the pool..." - ( Buzzing ) 572 00:21:19,720 --> 00:21:21,955 "...Saving insects that flew into it." 573 00:21:22,023 --> 00:21:24,024 ( Cackling ) 574 00:21:24,091 --> 00:21:26,660 I'm gonna die! Like fucking Noah. 575 00:21:26,727 --> 00:21:29,362 - That's crazy! Nothing... - How were you saving them? 576 00:21:29,430 --> 00:21:30,897 Did you wait for them to hit the water, 577 00:21:30,965 --> 00:21:32,399 then fish 'em out or you grabbed 'em in the air? 578 00:21:32,467 --> 00:21:33,967 I stuck my finger on the top. 579 00:21:34,035 --> 00:21:35,669 They grabbed on, lifted it off. 580 00:21:35,736 --> 00:21:40,407 And what... like some sort of insect lifeguard, 581 00:21:40,475 --> 00:21:42,409 you'd see some that landed and then go, "right, that's me"? 582 00:21:42,477 --> 00:21:45,378 ( Vocalizes theme ) And you'd go in there? 583 00:21:45,446 --> 00:21:48,648 But it's hard to turn sort of a blind eye to stuff like that 584 00:21:48,716 --> 00:21:51,885 'cause you know that's something... You're witnessing death. 585 00:21:51,953 --> 00:21:54,054 And if you can save something, you do, don't you? 586 00:21:54,121 --> 00:21:55,655 You do your bit. 587 00:21:55,723 --> 00:21:57,457 And at night, I'd sort of think, 588 00:21:57,525 --> 00:21:59,493 "have they learned their lesson or will they be back 589 00:21:59,560 --> 00:22:01,394 and will they be dead in there tomorrow?" 590 00:22:01,429 --> 00:22:03,897 But if they can get an extra day, I've done my bit. 591 00:22:03,931 --> 00:22:06,199 I can't do more than that. 592 00:22:06,267 --> 00:22:07,901 I am on holiday. Do your bit. 593 00:22:07,969 --> 00:22:10,403 I'm lucky enough to see the world. Do your bit. 594 00:22:10,471 --> 00:22:11,972 - I love it. - I d my bit. 595 00:22:12,039 --> 00:22:13,473 I love it. I love it. 596 00:22:13,541 --> 00:22:15,242 I love the fact that he was running around 597 00:22:15,309 --> 00:22:17,577 saving flies and things. 598 00:22:17,645 --> 00:22:19,513 It's just something... there's something so sort of... 599 00:22:19,580 --> 00:22:22,582 - Ricky: Meanwhile, an old lady drowned... - Stephen: Yeah. 600 00:22:22,617 --> 00:22:24,551 ( Laughing ) ... While he was saving a beetle. 601 00:22:24,601 --> 00:22:29,151 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 49371

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